Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I watched Bella step out of the crowd and stand there with a smirk upon her face as she looked in my direction. I watched with a smile as she brushed at her much shorter hair. It made her look flirtatious as she tried unsuccessfully to push it out of her eyes. I found myself smiling back at her. I watched a smile tease her rose colored lips as she placed her hands upon her hips that were made to be grabbed.

She was stunning. No other woman in the room could compare to her beauty, and the knowledge of that caused a pang within my heart. I knew I had foolishly lost it. My eye roamed over her womanly figure with her soft curves. They were highlighted by the snug blue dress that hugged her body as if it was made for her. My dick twitched as I thought about all the nights I would peel her out of whatever sexy dress she had worn to whatever function I had needed her by my side at before taking her to our bed. My memory was the only was the only thing I had left of her and our time together.

I thought of the weeks after my affair was discovered and how pain filled they were for everyone involved. My parents were so disappointed in me. They refused to talk to me but spoke to Bella instead. I tried not to feel jealous of their devotion to her, but that was near impossible. I was their fucking son. I was the one they should be supporting, not Bella. I told my father this via a drunken voice message that I did not truly remember leaving until he called me the following day to set up a time to talk.

Carlisle Cullen was good at several things, but combining his life and his career without failing in either was probably the one he was most proud of. As his son, I had always looked up to him and tried my hardest to emulate his amazing devotion to both, only to fail miserably in my pursuit of it. Looking back at the situation, I was not sure who was more embarrassed by my behavior, him or me. The only thing I knew for sure was that he was more vocal with his disapproval of my choices than our loved ones ever knew.

I remember our conversation about my fuck up as if it had happened yesterday.

"Edward," my father called to me, as I walked down the hospital corridor. I had been avoiding him ever since my drunken voicemail when I had informed him that he was horrible father to side with Bella instead of me.

I had not been expecting him, and so I tried to act like I could not hear him as he called to me. I picked up my pace in an effort to lose him in the crowded maze of hallways.

"Edward Cullen!" he yelled after me, causing several people to turn and stare at me as I hurriedly walked. It was only then that I stopped in my tracks. With a tight smile, I turned slowly to face him. I watched my father approach.

"Hey dad," I called, in a fake pleasant tone as I waited for him to reach me. Dad was my height, and while I had inherited his facial features, his hair was blonde and trimmed properly, while mine always seemed out of control no matter what I did to it.

"Jesus, Edward, can you try to act like an adult?" he hissed at me under his breath before turning to smile at the group of nurses at the nurses' station. They had stopped working to stare at us. Everyone knew about my cheating and Bella's attempts to kick me out of my house. It was fodder for the gossip mongers, so being caught in the hallway by my father would just add to it. Everyone loved my dad. The entire nursing staff was waiting to find out what his response would be to my dalliances.

"Can we talk in private?" he asked me, as he smiled tightly at me and nodded toward the women watching us. I agreed and motioned him toward my small office at the end of the hall. We walked in silence, and for the first time since I was eighteen, I was actually scared of what my father thought of me.

I opened my office door and let my father enter before me, as I glanced back down the hall. The group of nurses had moved to watch us with curiosity. Yes, Dad's visit to see me would make the ladies gossip especially juicy today.

I walked in and closed the door behind me, trapping myself in the small room with my father.

"Well, this visit was unexpected," I said in the most casual tone I could muster up under the circumstances.

"Where are you staying?" he asked me in a harsh tone as his eyes scanned me over. I moved around him to sit at my desk. I had told Bella I had moved back in with my parents when I had begged her to forgive me, but the truth was I had been staying at Tanya's place. She welcomed me with open arms after Bella had tossed my clothes out on the front lawn while I had been at work overnight.

"What does it matter?" I asked him, as I poured myself some coffee from the small pot I had brewed in my office earlier.

"Just answer the damn question, Edward," he said, as he growled in irritation, but that did not faze me at all. After weeks of silence from my parents, I had told myself that their opinion did not matter, even though I was dying inside over the anger in his eyes as he looked at me.

"Well, after my wife tossed me out, I found another place to stay," I said, with a smart assed smile. My father scrubbed his face with his hand in frustration.

"You're staying with the girl who helped you wreck your marriage," he said as a statement, not a question.

"Well, your mother won't lie for you anymore, so I hope that you know what you are doing," my dad said. He stood up as if he washing his hands of the mess I had created. I looked at his face, and I could see the disappointment etched deeply on it. It hurt to see that look there and know that I had caused it. It was that look that caused me to break.

"What do you want me to?" I asked him in anger, honestly hurting and lost over how in the hell to proceed with my life from here.

"Do you love your wife?" he asked me. I was startled by his question. It seemed so out of the blue considering the fucked up situation I was in. I looked over at the picture of Bella. It was still on my desk. I couldn't bring myself to put it away, it hurt too much to do it.

Did I love Bella? I did. I still loved her, but everything was so messed up. I nodded and watched my father breathe a sigh of relief.

"Then act like it, son" he said, as he looked at me with a sad look.

"Marriage is hard, Edward. People grow and change. During this span of your life, it's easy to get caught up in your job and raising children," my father rambled as he looked at me, pleading with me to understand what he was trying to tell me.

"I know Dad," I said, but he waved me off trying to silence me as he shook his head at me.

"No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't be in the mess you are in," he said, as he met my eyes in with a sad look.

"If you love your wife like you claim, you'd try to earn her forgiveness to save your marriage, but instead you have shacked up with the girl you've been fucking on the side," he said, shocking me with his language since Dad never cussed.

"Bella deserves better than this, and you know it. Your son deserves better than this," he said in a knowing voice that shamed me into looking away. I know they both deserved better than the treatment I had given them.

"When's the last time you even saw Seth?" he asked me, driving that shame into me even further since it had been weeks since I had last seen him.

"When's the last time you spoke to him?" he asked me in a calm tone as I rolled my eyes since he had to know that the last time I spoke to my son was the weekend that I had been caught fucking Tanya. And even then, it was only to tell him where he had messed up in mowing the yard that I was too busy to mow. I was a horrible father.

"Edward, I'm just saying, if you love Bella and Seth, you'll fight for them. You'll do what it takes to make this…" Dad said in a strong tone that made me take notice until he was interrupted by my office door opening.

"Hey, baby, sorry I missed your phone call, but I'm here now with your lunch special," Tanya said, with a suggestive giggle as she pushed open the door. She was wearing a short, trench style coat that was open, displaying that she was only wearing a pink lace bra and panties underneath it.

It took one moment for her to realize that I had a guest in my office before she jumped in surprise, closing her coat while cinching the waist tight. I looked over at father who eyed Tanya with a critical eye as Tanya blushed and stuttered in embarrassment.

"Tanya, this is my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Dad, this is Tanya Denali," I said, as I motioned between the two of them helplessly as awkwardness descended upon us.

Dad didn't say anything to Tanya; instead he looked at me with fire in his ice blue eyes that I had never seen before.

"Wonderful, Edward, just fucking wonderful. How old is she?" he demanded from me as Tanya stuttered an explanation that she had just turned twenty before making a comment about dad being a doctor as well. Her comments made her sound childish, and I cringed as she spoke to my father, even though he would not acknowledge her directly.

"She's four years older than your son, for Christ's sake!" he yelled at me, causing the picture on my wall to shake as I flinched. Tanya teared up over his display.

"Fine, son. You are on your own, and since you know so fucking much, I won't remind you that divorce will cost you dearly. It will cost you your family, but I can see that the idea of that loss doesn't affect you, so maybe this will. It will cost you more than half of everything you have. You do remember how Bella quit college to support you and even now is only working part time so she can be available to you? You have benefited at every turn of your marriage while Bella had suffered, and don't think that won't be taken into consideration when it comes time for alimony for her. Plus don't forget child support for Seth. Everything that you have worked for is about to go down the drain, so think about that when you are enjoying your special lunch," he said in a harsh tone as he stood up to leave me and Tanya. Dad turned and did not look back at me, side-stepping a crying Tanya as he left my office in an angry huff.

After that talk with Dad, I realized that I had a decision to make. I had to decide if I wanted to fight for my family. It should have been an easy choice, yet it wasn't for me. I knew the odds of ever getting them back were against me. The easier path would have been to let them go, to let Bella go, but the idea of another man touching my wife made me ill. It was hypocritical, but I could not change my reaction to that thought. I would get sick to my stomach every time I thought of another man making love to my wife. It was the image of another man that spurred me into action to try to win them back.

I started my campaign to win my family back by calling Bella. I would call her nightly and over every break. It took time before she would stay on the line with me, but once she did, I told her over and over again how sorry I was and how I loved her. It was awkward. Bella would remain so silent as I spoke, spilling my heart to her, but I took it as a good sign that she wasn't hanging up on me on the call.

I convinced Bella that we needed counseling, and that I would do whatever the counselor suggested to save our marriage. I only wanted her and Seth back in my life. She warily agreed, and soon I found myself sitting on a leather couch twice a week baring my soul to a complete stranger in order to gain back my wife's trust.

I had moved out of Tanya's place and in with my parents as I started counseling, explaining to her that I needed my family. I hadn't ended things with her yet. I couldn't seem to do it, for some reason, so I chose the easier way to deal with her. I chose to avoid her. I dodged her phone calls. I didn't return her text messages. I just stopped calling her. It was just easier that way.

While in counseling, Bella remained quiet as I spilled my guts to them both. She would watch me with sad eyes as I tried to explain why I cheated on her. I listened to my explanation of my behavior, and even in my ears, it sounded lame. There was no reason to hurt my wife the way I did except that I was a horrible man who was self-consumed.

I was able to talk Bella into allowing me to move back home. I told her how much I missed her and Seth. I told her that I wanted us to be a family again, and honestly, I did. I could see the reluctance in her brown eyes when she agreed to let me back home. But I promised her I would sleep in a bedroom other than hers, and she agreed to that arrangement.

My first night back at home, I discovered that Bella had moved to the guest room, leaving the main bedroom open to me. I couldn't say I blamed her after what she had found me doing in there with Tanya.

"Hey Bella, thanks for letting back home," I said to her over dinner, as we ate in silence. Seth was staying over with friends. Bella never really spoke to me anymore, so I was surprised by the tight smile she gave me and the nod of her head in acknowledgement. I missed her voice. I missed her laughter.

"So, how was your day?" I asked her, hoping like hell that she would talk to me, but she remained silent instead. That silence fueled my anger.

"Damn it, Bella! I'm trying here! Would you give me a fucking break?" I yelled at her, as I pounded my fist down on the wooden dining room table.

"You think you deserve a break?" she screamed at me in anger so hot that it burned to be that close.

"You caused this, Edward! So you don't get to yell at me!" she screamed, as I sat there stunned by her outburst. She was right. I had caused it. I had brought this upon our marriage. I had been the selfish one. I had caused everything.

"You're right, but, damn it, Bella, I'm trying. I love you and want you back. I want us back. Please let me try," I pleaded with her, as I moved so that I was kneeling in front of her as she sat upon the dining room chair.

"Please know that I only ever wanted you, and yes, I was so fucking stupid, but I will do everything in my power to make up for my mistake. I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix what I fucked up. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and how I will never hurt you like that again," I said, as I gripped her knees in my arms as she watched me with tears in her brown eyes.

"Please, Bella," I whispered to her, hoping like hell she could see that I only wanted her. It was the truth. I did only want her, and it took my affair, as well as our time apart, to discover that.

I couldn't tell her that while I exiled from the house, I stayed with Tanya and staying with her showed me how much I missed my wife. It was the little things that caused me to miss her, like the scent of her shampoo or the fact that Tanya never cared enough to wake up to greet me as I came home after my night shift. Then it was the big things that I missed, like how soft Bella was or how she would hold me when I was upset. I missed her laughter. I missed the inane stories about her coworkers from the bank. I missed everything about her, and it was that empty feeling that gave me incentive to work harder toward saving what scraps of our marriage I could.

"Please, Bella," I cried, as I clung to her, hoping that she understood my remorse. I knew she probably didn't. How could she? She was the victim in this mess, not me.

I was ready to call defeat, when I felt the slow, soft movements of Bella's fingers through my hair. She was scratching my scalp in the same soothing manner that she had done countless times before throughout our years together. I moved slightly, not wanting to break whatever spell had fallen over her, yet I needed to see her face. I needed to know if she was doing this out of pity or love.

"Bella," I whispered softly, as I looked up and found silent tears falling down her cheeks. She met my gaze with fear and uncertainty. I could not help but smile at her. While I knew this wasn't the forgiveness I was seeking, it was a start.

AN:

Thanks for reading! A special thanks to MommaLaura for betaing this hot mess as well. Hugs to you dear!

Ok, now before all of you show up at my door step to beat me down I am asking for you to give me chance. So don't kill me just yet since there is more to come. Special thanks to Loopylou992 for being such an amazing reading and friend. Show her some love by checking out her fics.

Ok, rec time…..

What am I reading? Let's see I am still all in with Slow Burn by givemesomevamp. It is going to be Bella & Jasper story and if you know anything about me it is that I do not really read those B & J fic, but this one has me suckered. It is set in Breaking Dawn after Bella gets pregnant and it is obvious that Edward ( and possibly the other Cullens) has done a bad thing to the baby and or Bella, but it has not been revealed what yet. Go give it some love.

What are you reading?

Until next time…

Take care,

Mamasutra

xoxo

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