No copyright intended.
'Kid, you'll move mountains.' dr Seuss.
After the eventful visit to my mothers house, I was in a bit of a loss of what to do with myself. The only people I felt like I had left in this world was my father and Edwards family. I wanted to see his family so much. They were always there for me when my own blood wasn't
My thoughts reminded me of Alice's phone call. She was one of my best friends, going through something absolutely amazing and I couldn't even congratulate her properly.
Should I speak to Alice? I feel if I try to talk to her I won't be able to stop myself telling her about her lying, cheating, pig of a brother. Why should I ruin one of the happiest moments of her life?
I decide it's best to leave Alice out of the drama for a little while. Her whole family actually. I just can't ruin this moment for them. It's something they have wanted for years. I would know, Esme's constant badgering for baby's was anything but subtle.
Esme.
How would she react to this. Everybody knows Edward is her little angel. She would stick up for that man through thick and thin. Would her love for me mean anything? Could I lose Edward, Angela and my second family all in the space of a year?
A shiver runs down my spine.
Putting my thoughts behind me I drive to the local coffee shop in the neighbourhood of my youth. Beans has been my go to escape place for many years. There was something so soothing about the smell of their grounded coffee and inviting croissants.
Not today though, i order my latte and think about the times before Edward. When people warned me about his promiscuous personality. I was that girl. The one that saw the good in everyone. That stupid girl who believes that people can change.
Where would I be if I listened to the rumours that I pushed away so viciously? Would I have ditched this life for something quite and happy? Living in a sleepy town like forks. Where people are themselves. Instead of huge charity events where only the rich and famous turn up for appearances, not giving a damn about the work the charity is doing. All in it for themselves.
I thought me and Edward were different. We cared about the charity's and what they were doing. We didn't give the money to them just to impress the room of how rich we are. I...I thought we were different. I vehemently refused to believe that I would turn out like my parents. I wanted real love. All consuming love, where no one else matters except for that one person. I wanted people to be jealous of our relationship. I know now, That I was naive to believe that that was a real thing. That love was a real thing
There is one thing that I do know, in the shit that is my life. I'll never love someone again.
Before anything can be fixed it has to be broken. I am broken and I have only just come to the realisation that I don't even know myself anymore. I've become someone that everybody else expected to me to be instead of who I am.
My clothes are all designer, my hair is always up in snotty hair-dos, my makeup done to perfection. No wonder why Jacob instantly new I didn't belong in that little town the moment he saw me.
Before I can move on with my life I need to find myself. The first thing I did was take my hair out of all the clips I'd elegantly put it up in. Combing my hair with my fingers till it was straight and smooth.
Next on my list was shopping. I hated shopping but something was telling me I would love this trip. Downing the remains of the coffee I left a tip on the table and dashed out of my favourite little cafe as quickly as I could. I scanned the streets up and down all day trying to find the perfect clothes that I actually wanted to wear. I bought plaid, baggy T-shirts, jeans that weren't skin tight and didn't look down right painful. I bought trainers that cost ten dollars. Shoes that my Mother would have had a heart attack if she saw. It was the happiest I had felt in awhile.
Finally feeling like I bought enough clothes to satisfy my needs. I stopped off in a little charity store. After changing out of my designer clothes many shops ago I shoved the items into a bag. I approached the counter to find a middle aged man manning it.
Good morning, I have a few items I would like to donate to you?" I informed the man happily.
That's great, donations have been a little slow around here recently. Mind I see what you got?
I handed the man the offending clothes. Many people will think it's just clothes it can't mean that much, to me it meant everything. In that bag was my old life. A life I didn't even know I was unhappy in until something went wrong.
Wow, this stuff is designer. I've never seen clothes like this be handed in here." The man exclaimed in shock.
"Yeah well, I won't be needing clothes like that anymore. Better here then in the bin."
"Are you sure? There is a no refund policy which goes for handing stuff in to."
"I couldn't be anymore sure. In fact I'll be back in a hour with some more stuff for you."
with that I ran to my car. I threw all my clothes into suitcases and took as many clothes as I could carry to that man back at the shop. He was basically jumping for joy when I returned with bags and bags of clothes and shoes. I was jumping for joy whilst handing it all over.
My new life begins now.
Hey, so its not a very long chapter.i need to try and get back into the swing of this story tbh. I've been trying to put this chapter up for a while, i was having problems uploading which unfortunately is still on going buy hopefully ill work it out soon. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter?