AN: Hello, dears! Let's see how our Edward and Bella are doing, shall we?
Enjoy!
Chapter 11
Seventeen and strung out on confusion
Trapped inside a roll of disillusion
I found out what it takes to be a man
Now mom and dad will never understand
Secrets collecting dust but never forget
Skeletons come to life in my closet
I found out what it takes to be a man
Now mom and dad will never understand
What's happening to me?
Coming Clean
Green Day
"You want to throw a real wedding?"
I try not to cower under the pressure of having three pairs of eyes burning into me as I present my idea, but it sure as hell isn't easy. Keeping my attention fixed on Alice, I do my best to explain.
"Well, it won't be a real wedding, seeing as we have a fake bride and groom, what I'm proposing is that we treat it as a sampler of sorts."
She still looks confused.
"We're going to need to set up everything for the photo-shoot anyway, so what I'm suggesting is that we invite our potential suppliers to join us. We let them be a part of the entire experience, our test subjects of sorts," I pause, Alice doesn't look convinced.
"Look, I'm going to need to make a ton of food for the photos anyway. By inviting our suppliers to the party, they'll have a chance to see firsthand what they're "buying" into. They give us the supplies we need, and in return we give them a wonderful experience with excellent food and perhaps a few glasses of some really good cider as payment?"
My eyes wander in Edward's direction, but his expression is painfully blank.
"We essentially throw them a party."
The silence that follows is deafening.
"And you really think that will be enough of a compensation?"
I could kiss Esme for breaking the tension.
"I do."
"Then that's what we'll do."
Edward's sudden, yet unwavering support means more to me than it probably should.
Alice's expression is a little apprehensive and unsure, but after a slight pause she too nods her head in acceptance.
"I guess that means we're ready to make a few phone calls," Esme responds with a wide and confident smile.
I feel like a heavy boulder has suddenly been lifted off my shoulders and for the first time today, I'm able see glimpse of light in an otherwise very dark tunnel. This is going to work.
§§§
We spend about another hour together, delegating most of the work and ironing out a few key details. Soon, my lack of sleep and exhaustion from a long day, becomes increasingly difficult to hide. As I muffle my third or fourth yawn, Esme brings our meeting to a close and demands that I go home to get some rest. We've already agreed for us to meet up at the Cullen farm the next morning, so I don't put up much of a fight. Edward stands to escort me out the door, but it's Alice who takes me by surprise when she gently touches my arm.
"Can I talk to you for a quick sec?"
Her brother looks as though he's about to object.
"It won't take long, I swear."
"Of course," I agree, sending Edward a pointed look as I follow her outside for a moment of privacy.
Together we silently make our way to the side of the building. When we eventually come to a complete stop, I notice that Alice is looking everywhere but right at me. The energy I feel from her is practically humming with nerves.
"I called Dr. Whitlock's office," she blurts out, wrapping her arms protectively around her upper body like a shield.
I blink, unable to really respond in any other way. Considering her reaction and blatant denial when I mentioned my concern-.
"We agreed to meet this Thursday."
I'm stunned.
Alice's body bounces ever so slightly as she moves her weight back and forth nervously.
"I figured I should tell you, so-."
There's a vulnerability in Alice's grey-green eyes that I haven't seen before.
"Of course… Thank you," I stumble over my words, trying to find an appropriate response.
"That's great news, Alice."
I swear I see a glimpse of something resembling great relief and perhaps even a hint of pride, however, in the next second it's gone.
"Yeah, well, it will probably just be a waste of time considering how much we have to get done before the photo-shoot, but-."
Instinctively, I reach out and touch her arm.
"This is a good thing, Alice. I'm proud of you."
The gentle ding of the small bell I have connected to the main entrance rings out, bringing an end to our private conversation. Every nerve in my body instantly lights up like a fucking Christmas tree, giving me a pretty accurate inkling as to who it is that has just stepped out onto the small porch. Squeezing Alice's shoulder lightly, I send her a small smile as I turn to meet her brother. Edward's observant gaze moves from his sisters to mine before returning to Alice.
"Mom called."
Something unspoken passes between them which perks my curiosity.
"I'll get my things," she quickly responds, rushing past her brother and back into the café before I've had a chance to really analyze the situation.
Edward's expression is painfully neutral, revealing nothing.
Huh?
I'm distracted when Edward suddenly cringes, a look of guilt spreading across his face as he takes a careful step towards me.
"I have some bad news about your truck."
Placing both hands in his front pockets, he raises his shoulders up to his ears, resembling a young boy who is about to confess to some mischief he's been up to. The way his eyes sparkle, reveals that whatever it is, I have no need to be too worried.
Shaking my head, I simply raise an eyebrow and wait for him to continue. He smiles, dropping his shoulders.
"Apparently, your truck needs to a few parts replaced, and seeing as your truck is a piece of j-," I raise a hand to slap his arm and am about to argue when he immediately steps away and chuckles cheekily.
"What I meant to say was such a priceless antique."
I giggle.
His expression becomes a little more serious.
"It's going to take a while to get the parts delivered."
I feel my stomach drop as the consequences of what he's saying becomes clearer. Considering how often I'll need to travel to the Cullen farm this week-.
"I do have a solution, though."
My eyes fly back to his and I watch as he pulls out a set of keys from his back pocket.
"My mom isn't able to drive at the moment."
A hint of something unmistakably vulnerable flashes across his face as he looks down at the keys for a moment.
"Edward-," I begin, ready to decline his generous offer.
"Her car hasn't been in use for a while now, Bella. Lending it to you until the parts for you truck arrive, is absolutely no problem whatsoever."
"But-."
"What other options do you have?" he raises his thick eyebrows in question, bending his head so that he can lock eyes on mine.
Feeling flustered by his expectant gaze and commanding presence, I struggle for a moment to respond. Placing a hand on my hip I do what I can to appear at least a little more confident than I feel.
"I'll have you know that I have a perfectly good bicycle at home."
The look of complete horror that crosses his face makes me smile.
"Fine, so I don't have a lot of other options, but-."
My breath catches and my heart goes into overdrive when Edward suddenly takes a step closer and lightly intertwines his fingers with mine as though it's the most natural thing in the world for him to do. His expression grows serious again.
"Please accept."
Without looking away, he cradles my hand as he carefully turns it over and places the set of car keys right in the middle of my palm. My eyes shift downwards, and I slowly wet my bottom lip as I try to make up my mind.
"Who knows, maybe driving around in a vehicle from this century will sway you away from rusty, old antiques and convince you to replace that heap of garb-."
Closing my hand over the keys, I remove my hand away from his and wag a strict finger in his face.
"I won't be replacing Wanda any time soon, thank you very much," I pause, feeling my heart warm at the playful grin spreading across his lips. "But seeing as I am in need a working vehicle while she is otherwise indisposed, I'll accept your generous offer on one condition."
"And what's that?"
"I make dinner this week."
I can almost see Angela's proud face in my imagination, rising to a standing ovation as she applauds my efforts. Edward's brows rise to his hairline, but I can see that he is pleased with my offer.
"I need to test out a few recipes anyway, so as payment for using the car, I'll make you guys dinner for the remainder of the week."
Edward looks as though he's about to argue, so I quickly dangle the car keys in front of him, silently offering to give them back. A sheepish smile spreads across his lips and instead of saying anything he simply shakes his head. The bell over my café's entrance alerts us that someone has stepped onto the porch with us, and we both look to check who it is. Esme and Alice pause directly outside of the main door, clearly waiting for something.
"Well, I guess that's my ride."
My eyes fly back to his as the amount of effort he's put in to ensure I have a vehicle for the however long it might take for my stupid truck to get fixed, suddenly hits me like a pile of bricks. Before I have a chance to even consider what I'm doing, I've cleared the small distance between us and wrapped my arms tightly around his narrow waist.
"Thank you," I whisper, my voice muffled against his strong chest.
He releases a surprised chuckle, but his arms immediately find their way around my back as he hugs me back.
"You're welcome, Bella."
I can't know for sure, but I swear I feel his lips brush against the top of my head just before we both pull away from one another. It could of course have simply been his cheek, but…
Who the hell knows?
"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asks, distracting me from my train of thought.
"Bright and early."
He nods, his eyes trailing down towards my shoulder before his lips slowly curl into a mischievous half-smile.
"I guess I should lock up the sugar, then?"
I roll my eyes at him; however, it quickly becomes clear that there's no way to hide the giddy grin plastered across my face.
Touché, Mr. Cullen. Touché.
§§§
The next morning, I wake up feeling energized and excited about the day ahead. With Angela agreeing to take over the responsibility for the café while I work with the Cullens, I feel as though a substantial amount of weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Her enthusiastic and supportive feedback concerning Edward and my relationship (if we even dare call it that), has also had a positive impact. There's a bounce in my step and a rise in confidence that I haven't experienced before. In fact, as I turn down the dirt road leading to the Cullen farm, I physically feel my breathing change as a rush of pure hope bubbles up inside of me, threatening to overflow. For the first time, I allow that hope to settle, instead of immediately making up excuses to brush it away. I got this.
It's early, but the large farm is alive with activity, and I know from experience that the farmhands have been hard at work for hours already. They aren't the only ones that have had an early morning. Making a quick stop at the Cider House, I pull out a big box of the apple turnovers I made earlier from the trunk, handing it to one of the workers in the apple orchard to hand out to everyone. It doesn't take long for them to flock around the freshly baked goods and devour them in a matter of minutes. Their warm gratitude and genuine appreciation give my self-confidence a much-needed boost and puts a wide smile on my face. Leaving the workers to enjoy their snack, I get back into the car and make my way down to the main house. Pulling up into the parking area, I see why Esme would like to turn it into a Bed & Breakfast. Stepping out of my car, I take a moment to study it. The house is a charming, white building large enough to house quite a large number of guests. Showcasing it will be an important selling point to book clients coming from out of town.
Lost in thought, I don't notice that a person is approaching me until she's standing right next to me and I feel my entire body jump when she suddenly shrieks out my name.
"Bella! It's so good to see you!" Tanya's bright blue eyes sparkle with pure joy, and it doesn't take her long before she's somehow managed to lock her long arms around me, forcing me into a tight embrace.
Christ, you'd think we were best friends or something.
"Tanya, hey," I reply, awkwardly patting her back as I do my very best to create some much-needed space between us.
"I'm so excited you're here. Finally, we'll have a chance to hang out a little."
Her voice is friendly, but there's something about the way her hand lingers on my arm that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
Damn, she's touchy feely.
"Uhm… I d-don't-."
"Bella's going to be pretty busy the next few days, Tan."
The relief I feel from recognizing Edward's voice, completely overshadows the nerves and anticipation that usually rise whenever I'm near him. Tanya appears to be a little annoyed by his interruption, but it's clear she isn't willing to let him sway her.
"Edward, Edward," she tsks, swaying her hips in a sultry fashion as she walks the small distance towards him.
Although I'm glad she's left my side, I really don't like how comfortable and natural she is with him. The moment her hand intimately touches his chest, I feel a surge of jealousy spread though me so strong that I'm forced to look away.
"He said there was nothing between them," I try to reassure myself, but to no avail. Any confidence I might have felt this morning is completely gone.
"You know that saying: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? Isabella, clearly isn't dull, and I'm not about to let you work her to the bones while she's here."
She leans casually against Edward's arm, as though it's the most natural thing in the world for her to do, but I can't help but notice that her attention is directed in my direction and not…
Huh?
Edward's green eyes are alight with humor, and I suddenly get the sense that there's something very important about this particular situation that I'm missing.
"I don't know if Bella's interested in your kind of fun, Tanya," he begins, his lips curling into that incredibly sexy half-smile of his.
Heat flares, spreading unwillingly across my cheeks, my light skin reacting to their intense inspection.
"God, that blush," Tanya all but moans, which in turn causes Edward to release a sharp and somewhat nervous laugh.
Taking pity on my obvious ignorance, he slides away from Tanya and walks over to me.
"I've been trying to convince Tanya that I don't think you're interested in women the way she is, but she can be quite adamant."
His eyes hold mine as he patiently waits for the penny to drop. After a second, something suddenly clicks. My breath hitches and I feel my eyes bulge as I suddenly realize what he's implying.
Tanya's gay?!
"I-I'm not," I stutter, resembling some confused goldfish as I try to come up with some kind of a response.
"Men!" I all but exclaim, my cheeks blazing once again.
Christ, I must look like a God damned tomato by now.
I clear my throat, trying to bring back some semblance of control even though my brain feels as though it's just exploded with this new piece of information.
"I'm interested in men, not women."
I cast Tanya a nervous look.
"Sorry."
Her serious expression cracks at my apology and is quickly replaced by a wide and carefree grin. I suddenly feel ashamed of the animosity and jealousy I've felt ever since she arrived.
"Oh, honey, I know," she says sauntering over.
"Can't blame a girl for trying, though."
The sensual wink she sends my way, makes me feel both a bit honored and a little uncomfortable at the same time. Without even thinking about it, I move a few inches closer to Edward, who surprises me by wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders as he pulls me to his side.
"Tan," he warns.
Tanya flips her long blond hair over her shoulder and brings both hands in front of her in surrender.
"Fine. I'll back off. Sheesh!" she rolls her eyes.
"Liz inside?"
"Yeah," Edward answers, his fingers tightening ever so slightly around my shoulder.
I try not to think about how incredibly right it feels to be tucked against him like this.
"Okay, then. See you around, Bella."
Tanya sends me a teasing smile, before she turns on her heel and makes her way towards the main house. Edward keeps me tucked against his side until we both watch her disappear inside. Then he gently, and perhaps even a tad bit reluctantly, takes a small step away, removing his arm from my shoulders. I have so many questions about what just happened, that I don't even care.
"I thought you two used to be an item?"
Edward buries his fingers nervously in his hair, making it even messier than it already was.
"We were, back in college."
"But she's-?"
"Bisexual. Although, I have to say, I don't think she's dated any men ever since we broke up. She's been more interested in women to be honest," he shrugs, his expression a little embarrassed. "Perhaps I did something to turn her off men, who knows?"
I find that very hard to believe but decide not to say anything.
"I can't believe you haven't picked up on it sooner. She's been pining away after you ever since she first saw you."
He smiles, walking over to the large white fence surrounding one of the nearby pastures. A beautiful brown horse is grazing nearby and immediately comes over to greet Edward as soon as he gets close enough. It doesn't take long for Edward to pull something out of his pocket which he feeds to the large animal as he caresses him affectionately.
"I guess I don't have much of a gay-dar," I say joining him near the fence.
"Tanya's a good friend. She ah-," Edward pauses as though he's searching for the right words.
"Her father was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's when we were back in college," he takes a breath, his expression growing distant. "Then when my dad passed away, well, we were both drawn in opposite directions. We broke things off as friends but have kept in touch ever since."
I get the sense that there's something important he's getting ready to say, so I simply remain silent, watching him as he gives the horse some much-appreciated love and affection.
"When my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I immediately gave her a call and she came, no questions asked," his voice trails off and it takes me a moment to fully understand what he's telling me. When I finally do, I feel my heart break at his news.
Oh, Edward.
Elizabeth Cullen was the closest thing Forks had to a saint. She was fiercely loved by absolutely everyone in town, and she was the only parent Edward had left. I try to think back to the last time that I saw her. I remember seeing her at the Farmer's Market, the same day Leah had that horrible run-in with Sam.
"How long have you-?"
"Known?"
He turns as he completes my sentence, leaning one foot against the fence as he faces the main house, his expression closed off and distant.
"The day we were supposed meet and have that business meeting, was the day she got her diagnosis."
Ah…
"I never meant to stand you up that day. Everything just-," he pauses. "Well, I wasn't exactly in the best state of mind."
"Of course," I whisper, the tone of my voice grabbing his attention somehow.
Our eyes lock and something infinitely vulnerable passes between us. I don't know who makes the first move, but in the next second our fingers are intertwined as though we're both in desperate need of the connection.
"Later I needed to let off a bit of steam, so I went to Mac's and got absolutely smashed. I don't think I've ever drunk that much."
Edward's lips curl into a sad smile.
"I remember looking down at my phone, seeing the missed alert of our meeting and just knowing that I had to see you. To apologize."
Suddenly, so many things about that evening makes so much more sense.
"I hate that I don't remember anything about that night," he whispers, his eyes searching mine as though he can sense that something really did happen.
My throat runs dry, and a rush of anxiety spreads through the pit of my stomach as I realize that I need to come clean about our kiss.
"Since you'll be spending more time here at the Farm, I felt I needed to come clean to you about my mom. As you probably know, she loves cooking, and I don't think we'll be able to keep her out of the kitchen while you're here."
My fingers tighten around his and I instinctively move closer to him.
"Thank you for telling me. I'd love to have her with me in the kitchen."
His eyes flicker down to our joined hands, and I see a hint of a real smile dance across his lips.
"I also wanted to explain what happened that day."
This time, I'm the one who is forced to look away. Biting my bottom lip, I square my shoulders and take a deep breath to calm my racing heart.
Here goes nothing.
"We kissed."
Edward's eyes widen ever so slightly, but before he can say anything I quickly continue.
"You weren't really making a lot of sense when you arrived, and you were literally about to pass out the moment you walked through my door. So, after getting you to drink some water, I managed to get you into my bed before you blacked out. You were sleeping soundly and since I don't exactly have a lot of extra space in my house... Well, we kind of had to share a bed that night."
Edward winces at this piece of information, but soon bobs his head, silently asking me to continue.
"I don't know exactly how it happened. I'd drifted off, but-," I take a breath. "We kissed, quite heavily to be completely honest, but then you passed out again before things got too far."
"Christ."
We don't say anything for quite some time.
"Bella, I'm so sorry."
Edward's bright jade eyes burn into mine, his expression filled with a deep and heartfelt regret that makes my heart burn. Just the thought of him regretting our kiss sends a rush of tears to my eyes, which I desperately need to hide.
"Please, Edward, don't."
"But-."
I quickly cut him off, jerking my hand from his and look away. Everything in me is urging me to get the hell away from him.
Oh, God, what have I done? I should never have told him. I-.
"Can we just move past this? Please?"
I can hear that he's about to argue, but there must be something in my tone of voice makes him pause. After a moment or two, I hear him release a deep gust of air.
"If that's what you want."
"It is," I confirm even before he's even had time to finish his sentence.
"I have a ton of work to do today. Could you help me with the boxes in my trunk?" I ask, already moving away from him as I pray to all that is holy that he'll let this go.
Before I have a chance to get very far, I feel his long fingers curl around my wrist, forcing me to stop and turn back to face him. The moment I do, I feel as though I've stepped into a dream. Edward's expression is soft yet determined as he closes the distance between us. My breath catches as his free hand soon gently cups my cheek as he tilts my head slightly upwards, making it easy for him to cover my lips with his.
Oh, God.
Pausing just a hair's breadth away, his eyes find mine and he searches them carefully. Unable to move, or even breathe, I hope to God that he'll find whatever it is that he's searching for quickly and put us both out of this uncomfortable suspense. Then, before I've had a chance to even blink, his warm and pillow-soft lips lightly brush against mine, and the rest of the world simply slips away.