Epilogue 2
Christian
February 2019
"I have a question. It's a really serious question. Why are you so cute? How can you possibly be this cute? Hi, my little love! Good morning!"
I'm awakened by the sound of Ana's cooing voice and baby laughter, but opening my eyes, I see that she's not here. I smile upon realizing that she must have forgotten to shut off the monitor before going in to see the baby. Again. It's a Saturday, approaching 8:00 AM, which is quite the sleep-in for me. Ana must have been doing double duty last night.
"Morning, Teddy bear. How'd you sleep?" Her voice changes. Teddy must have entered the room. He tends to check on the baby first thing when he gets up. He even comes in to alert us sometimes if he thinks the baby needs something.
To no one's surprise, Teddy adapted very well to becoming a big brother again, and Phoebe adores her little brother as much as her older one. James Thomas Grey was born on September 8th, 2018, just two days before Ana's twenty-ninth birthday. We liked the sound of the nickname Jamie, and then he was named after the other newest addition to the family and one of his parents' closest friends, his probably soon-to-be uncle Ezra Thomas.
Mia and Ezra are still in boyfriend/girlfriend territory, but I have a feeling those days are numbered.
"Morning, Mommy. Hi, Jamie! I slept good. I didn't hear him crying."
I hear a trash can opening. She's probably at the changing table. "Nope, someone slept through the night last night. Say 'good morning, big brother!'" I silently cheer for that news. So, hopefully Ana did get some rest after all. At five months old, Jamie is sleeping for longer and longer stretches at night, but he's only conquered a few full nights so far.
"I used to worry about him when I'd wake up at night and hear him crying. He sounded so sad," Teddy says.
"Oh, sweetheart, I know, but he wasn't sad. He just doesn't have any other way to tell us he needs something yet. Babies just cry, even happy ones."
"Can I hold him?"
"I'm just going to go feed him, then how about we watch him together while I get you and Phoebe some breakfast, okay?"
"Okay. I'm gonna go lay down more then," he yawns.
"Yeah, you look like you need it, sleepyhead. Did you get up to check on him?"
"Yeah." Another yawn.
She laughs. "Go back to bed, honey. Thanks for helping. Love you." I hear his door in the hallway, and I assume he's taken her up on that. He deserves it. He does a lot more than he really needs to, just because he loves his brother. "Uh oh. Jamie bug, I think Mommy forgot to turn off the baby monitor, so we might be talking Daddy's ear off right now. Let's go see, angel. Come here."
Our door pushes open a few seconds later, and she smiles guiltily when she sees me fully awake, reclined against the pillows. I smile unconsciously when I see her and our baby cradled in her arms. "Good morning, beautiful. Times two," I greet.
"Oops. I'm sorry. I heard him fussing and I just forgot." She clicks it off and climbs back into bed next to me, pulling her shirt aside so Jamie can have his breakfast.
I roll onto my side and kiss her, then kiss his head, inhaling the sweet baby scent. "It was my favorite kind of alarm, baby, don't worry. So, he slept through the night?"
"Looks like it. And feels like it. Don't you feel reborn?" she laughs.
"I feel pretty good to have made sleep's acquaintance again, yes." I kiss her again, just because. "And tonight, we get a night off." She sighs and her brow creases in worry as she looks down at him. "Ana. He'll be with his siblings and his doting grandparents. It's the first thing you'll be doing for yourself since he was born. We have nothing to worry about, he'll be in great hands."
It's Valentine's Day weekend and Ezra insisted that we accompany him and Mia to LA this weekend. Apparently, he has some act he's dying for us to see at one of the underground clubs. Not my first choice for a getaway, but it's a good way to start small on our first journey away from all three kids.
"I know, I know. It's just… the first trip without them is always hard."
"I know. I'm sure they expect us to FaceTime every ten minutes, though. And this will be good for us. We haven't gone out of town since the babymoon. Aren't you excited for some uninterrupted alone time?" I kiss the side of her neck in the spot that always makes her shiver.
She giggles. "Of course I am. I'll be okay once we're on the plane. Leaving is the hardest part. I think it's everybody's weekend for fun. I heard Gail and Laura are going somewhere together this weekend."
I laugh. "So, they're officially the kind of friends who go away together?"
"So it seems. I guess this was the right move after all." She takes a deep breath and smiles, and I wonder if she's thinking about all the steps that led us to this moment of contentment, like I am.
Throughout the pregnancy, Ana's mood stayed level. More than level. We were happier than we'd been in years. But after the birth, it took a nosedive seemingly overnight. I worked from home a lot more while she was pregnant and had taken a few weeks completely off of work to help her out while we all adjusted to having a newborn, so with all the time I was spending with her, I saw the change right away. Within a few weeks after he was born, Ana was crying several times a day, hardly sleeping even when he was sleeping, and she couldn't keep food down. It was a full 180. The light had gone completely out of her eyes.
A heaviness still creeps into my chest whenever I remember the doctor's appointment it led to.
"Mrs. Grey, Dr. Hall and I agree that the best way forward is to proceed with an antidepressant."
For weeks, Ana's been saying that it's just the baby blues and she's fine, but I never saw anything like this after Teddy. She was so against taking meds and insisted that therapy would be enough, and since it meant so much to her, I agreed. But she's not improving. She's only gotten worse, so I've enlisted the help of Dr. Greene. I've never felt so helpless in my life, watching her transform from the happy Ana I love so much to a quiet, anxious waif that I barely recognize. I can't let her go on like this. I can't stand to see her so miserable.
Ana stares at the floor. "I'm going to therapy. I didn't have that the first time. Why can't that be enough? Why do I need meds?" she says in a low voice.
"Therapy can't fix the chemicals in your brain, Mrs. Grey. But an SSRI could greatly improve your quality of life, which from what Mr. Grey has told me, is very low right now."
She shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears again. "I'm breastfeeding him. I don't want to take anything that might hurt him."
"The trace amount of medication that gets into breast milk is perfectly safe for babies, I promise. This is a very common treatment for breastfeeding mothers. To be frank, the quality of your milk is probably suffering more now given that you're having trouble taking meals."
"Please, Ana," I say quietly, lifting her hand to my lips. "Please. You can't go on like this. This isn't living. You can't be the mother that you want to be and that I know you are if you're fighting a war in your head. Please let them help you, baby, I'm begging."
She looks up at me with wide eyes, too large for her face from how much weight she's lost so quickly. "I thought I could do it…" she whimpers.
"You can do it, baby. You just need a little help. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Even the best mother in the world couldn't do it under the weight you're carrying, Mrs. Grey. I promise, your therapist and I both firmly believe this could help you, and in turn, your children. You're doing the responsible thing talking to us about this."
Ana stares at the floor for a little longer, then after what feels like hours, looks up at Dr. Greene. "Okay… okay. Please. I want to get better."
The very next day, she started on a low dose of Zoloft. Within a few days, she was able to eat and get through the day, and within a few weeks, she was Ana again. My Ana. My sweet, stubborn Ana, running herself into the ground trying to run two of her own businesses and give the kids the love and attention they deserve. It took a little more time for her to realize that just because she technically can do something alone, doesn't mean she has to.
This ended with us hiring a part-time nanny. Ana hated the idea at first, given that we're both home more often than we were before and we hadn't had a nanny since the early days with Teddy when we were still learning how to care for a baby. Ever since, she'd preferred to do it herself, or use the daycare within Grey Publishing when she was at work. But now that her schedule involved a lot more work from home, she was having trouble balancing everything.
Her therapist convinced her to interview some nannies, just to feel out the process, and I was all for it. Even when I was home, half the time I was shut up in my office on mandatory calls and Ana was running the ship with the baby mostly alone, while trying to work herself. When we met with Laura, it just clicked. She's around Gail's age, widowed, with grown children of her own and two decades of experience in private childcare. She also holds a special certificate in early learning and impressed us in the interview with her collection of educational games and puzzles. It seemed like a perfect fit for Teddy and Phoebe when they're home, too.
Even Gail had her back up about taking on a nanny, but she and Laura became fast friends. Evidently, now they hang together. So, Laura works two to three days a week, and between the two of them, Ana can have her work and be the hands-on mother she wants to be without worrying that someone is feeling left out. Sometimes Laura watches Jamie while she does something focusing on Teddy and Phoebe. Sometimes she picks up Teddy and Phoebe from school and takes them on a special excursion so Ana can have alone time with Jamie. Sometimes she helps us out on big family outings so that no one gets lost and everyone's needs are met. All it's done is bring more love into the house.
"It was definitely the right move. The final step to me completely getting you back." I brush her hair back behind her shoulder.
"I'm glad to be back. I'm glad that you practically dragged me back," she amends with a laugh. Jamie finishes nursing and then seems to realize that I'm here, laughing and reaching an arm out to me. "Oh my gosh, look, it's Daddy!"
"Hi, little man. Come here."
Ana plops him onto my chest, then kisses us both on the head. "I gotta go make sure everyone else eats now. You two enjoy your guy time."
"We'll be just fine. Save me some pancakes."
"Who said I'm making pancakes?" she calls as she slips on a shirt that isn't milk-stained in the closet.
"It's Saturday and we're leaving them later. I did the math." Tell me I'm wrong, baby.
She comes back out, pouting adorably. "Fine, I am making pancakes. And I miss them already."
"Me too, baby, but alone time. Just you and me. Just think of what I'm going to do to you," I say, lowering my voice in the way that always makes her eyes darken.
"You know what? I'll save you some pancakes only if you eat them off of me. Syrup, too." She gives me a wicked look and then walks off.
"Make sure you have a change of sheets!" I call as she goes. I hear her laugh in the hallway and smile.
Jamie coos and gurgles, wriggling around on top of me, so I sit up and lay him against my shoulder to burp him since he laid down after he ate. I get a monster one out of him and lay him against my lap, smiling as he looks up at me with happy blue eyes. He's more of a combination of Ana and I compared to Teddy and Phoebe, who are basically our carbon copies. Jamie has Ana's eyes and hair color, but with copper highlights and the same curls I have.
"You're going to see Grandma and Grandpa today, bud. Mommy and I will be back in a couple days. You gonna be okay?" He smiles and babbles in response, which I hope is a good omen. As much fun as I poke at Ana, and as much as I want real quality time with her, I don't relish leaving him either. "Leaving is no fun, but we'll always come back. Always."
Leaving is no fun, trust me. But somehow after all of that, I still got all of this. And that's how I know, finally, that I'm loved, and that without a doubt, she was wrong. About me, about life, about everything. I almost let her ruin my future as well as my past. But love is not for fools, and what happened to me is not who I am.
I hear Teddy and Phoebe's scampering footsteps going down the stairs, and suddenly staying in bed is no longer appealing. Jamie and I venture downstairs after them and find them standing on either side of Ana, chattering to her while she pours pancake batter.
"Hi, Daddy!" Phoebe says when she sees me. She runs over and I crouch down for my hug and kiss, although Jamie gets his first, naturally.
"Daddy, can I take him now?" Teddy asks.
"Sure, Teddy bear. Sit in the chair." He sits down and I gently place Jamie in his arms, pulling up a chair next to him to supervise.
"Aw, Phoebe, look at all our guys. Aren't they sweet?" Ana says, smiling over at us.
Teddy smiles down at his brother, who's looking at him like he's the only person in the world. Ana is laughing at something Phoebe said, and this is just a day in the life.
Love is not for fools. And because I know that, I get to have all of this. More of it than I ever thought I could handle or could ever hope to deserve.
"You okay, Daddy?" Teddy asks, looking at me curiously.
"Perfect." He smiles in relief. "I love you."
"I love you, too. Can we eat pancakes now?"
"Don't worry, Mommy, I'm watching my baby!" Phoebe tells us over FaceTime. Jamie is really "her baby," she just lets us hang out with him sometimes.
"And I'm watching Fifi watch the baby!" Teddy adds.
We're in the car on the way to the club and Grace called us on FaceTime so we could tell the kids goodnight. "I know! I'm so proud of you two, I know he's going to be okay. But I miss you so much already!"
"After school on Monday, right, Mommy?" Teddy confirms.
"Yes, love, I'll see you then, I promise. Phoebe, honey, don't forget that it's your turn to pick the book out before bed. Don't let those guys walk all over you. I love you! Give Jamie a kiss for me and hug each other extra tight! Okay, say goodnight to Daddy now."
I take the phone from her while she wipes her eyes. "Goodnight, Teddy bear. Goodnight, princess. Be good to each other and tell Grandma to call us if you need anything, okay? I love you."
"Oh, Christian, they won't need a thing. We're going to have a blast," Grace says. "Alright, crew, let's get Jamie into bed and start storytime!"
"Yes! Night, Daddy!" Teddy says hastily.
"Love you, Daddy!" Phoebe says, blowing a kiss at the phone before disappearing.
"Say goodnight to Mommy and Daddy, Jamie!" Grace holds him up to the screen.
"Oh, goodnight, Jamie bug! Mommy loves you! Did I pump enough?"
"Ana, I think you could feed an army of schoolchildren with the amount of milk you gave us. Jamie will feast this weekend. Everything will be fine! Enjoy your night. Enjoy alone time! We'll call tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Jamie bug, sleep tight, Daddy loves you and we'll see you soon! Thanks, Mom."
"Of course, darling. Gotta go now. Bye!" And she ends the call.
I glance at Ana to gauge where her mood is. "Two days, baby. We did the right thing."
"I know. Two days. I'm fine." She takes a deep breath and smiles, and to my relief, I can tell it's genuine. "Time with you where no one is going to burst through the door or start crying in the next room is hard to be mad about."
"That's the spirit." I kiss her hand just as the car pulls up to the club. Elliot, Kate, Ezra, and Mia are all waiting outside and wave when they spot us.
"Hi! God, it feels like you guys have been in babyland forever. I'm so excited you came!" Mia squeals, running forward to hug us.
"Oh, trust me, we wouldn't miss this for the world," Ana says, giving Ezra a pointed look.
If I'm not mistaken, he blushes as he walks forward to me. "Christian, good to see you, mate. Elliot and I have been missing you at poker night. No one rolls quite as high as you."
"No one can afford to!" Elliot yells.
"I'll be back to clean you out soon. Things have been crazy with the new baby and everything at Grey House."
"Well, of course. You're an environmental power player, and I'd expect nothing less than my namesake taking the world by storm. I still can't believe you were pregnant with that little chap when you performed at the Grammys, Ana."
"Which I knew!" Kate interjects.
"Before I knew," Ana laughs.
He takes Mia's hand. "But enough about the young blood, tonight is about adults. We have a table right at the front. Shall we?"
I take Ana's and lean down to whisper in your ear. "Why do I feel like you meant something when you said we wouldn't miss this?"
She looks at me innocently. A little too innocently. "Just that it's fun to be out, you know?" Okay, Ana, whatever you say.
At the door, the woman making everyone sign NDAs starts gushing as soon as we're in eyesight. "Ana! We're so happy to have you back. We're all so excited for tonight." Ana flinches when she says that, almost imperceptibly. "You look gorgeous, that dress is killer. Jeez, didn't you just have a baby?"
"Hardly just. He's five months old now," she answers amiably. She's not sobbing at the mention of the baby. Good sign for how tonight is going to go. But I still think she's up to something.
We get inside and order drinks and I notice that Ezra seems nervous, fidgeting and sneaking glances at Ana. She keeps smiling or nodding at him when she thinks no one is looking. After a few acts, Ana taps me on the shoulder. "Be right back, bathroom."
"Are you sure you don't want me to come?" I whisper suggestively.
She giggles. "Not this time. Later. Be back soon." She gives me a lingering kiss and as I watch her leave, I see her give Ezra another big smile. Okay, something is up.
Ezra downs the rest of his drink as the next act is announced. And to our collective surprise, with one glaring exception, Ana walks onto the stage with a guitar over her shoulder, trailed by a few people that I recognize as her old band members.
You can hear most of the room gasp as scattered applause breaks out. "Hi. I know what you're thinking. Album two? No, leave me alone." There's a ripple of laughter. "I'm actually just here to have a little fun tonight. I wrote a song for someone who means a lot to me, and I'm really excited for you all to hear it. So… this is for you, Mia."
Mia gasps cartoonishly. "Me? Oh my God!" Ana winks straight at Ezra just as the band starts playing and she starts strumming her guitar.
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello
Little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, "Please don't go"
And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while, oh oh
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"
But you were everything to me
I was begging you, "Please don't go"
And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
But I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you, but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said…
Ana pauses at the microphone. Before I can wonder why, I hear a screeching gasp right next to me, which turns into an entire roomful of gasps as a spotlight trains on Mia. Ezra is on one knee in front of her, holding open a ring box.
Something is up. Ana smiles and resumes the song.
"Marry me, Juliet
You never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress"
It's a love story, baby, just say yes
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
As the song ends, every eye in the room is on our table. Ezra clears his throat. "Mia… you came into my life and became everything I never knew I needed when I wasn't even looking for it. But now, there is no me without you. I have no doubt that what we have is a love story. So, please, my darling Mia… will you say yes, and will you marry me?"
Mia has tears streaming down her face and both hands covering her mouth. When she slowly lowers them, she reveals an incandescent smile. "Yes, yes, yes, oh my God, definitely yes!" Before he can put the ring on, she jumps on him, and the room erupts into applause.
"She said yes! Thank you, goodnight!" Ana says quickly into the microphone before hastening down towards us.
"Ana, oh my God, that was perfect! Did you really write it?" Mia sobs, throwing her arms around her.
"Yes, but it was commissioned by your betrothed. Congratulations, Mia, I'm so happy for you."
Ezra appears to be in a daze, so I pat him on the back. "Congratulations, Ez. Treat her right, or I don't have to tell you what happens."
"Your kickboxing training comes out, yes, I know," he laughs. "Thanks, Christian. I don't think that'll be a problem." From those googly eyes, I don't either. But I can't really judge. I have the same ones.
Elliot smacks him on the shoulder. "Congrats, dude! You're really gonna be our brother now."
The next act is already starting. I pity the poor bastard who has to follow Ana. I'm already bored. "Hey, if we could skip out of here early, I'd like to be alone with my fiancé," Mia says, popping up right between us.
"Ew," Kate laughs.
"You two go right ahead, we can all find something else to do," Ana says, putting an arm around both of them. Perfect.
"Yeah, go fuck on the Hollywood sign or something," Elliot adds.
"Okay, on that note, we're getting out of here," Kate says, taking Elliot by the arm.
I glance at Taylor across the room and he nods, going to get the car. I wrap an arm around Ana's waist and lower my lips to her ear. "So, you were up to something."
She smiles sheepishly. "It was the hardest secret ever to keep. If I told anyone, I was going to tell everyone."
"Keeping secrets from your husband? Very naughty, Mrs. Grey."
"I know. You can take it out on me at the hotel," she says coquettishly. Oh, I will.
We say our goodbyes and plan to meet up at Ezra's house for brunch tomorrow, then all slide into our respective cars. "Are you going to release that one?" I ask her as we pull away.
She shakes her head. "No. Performing is fun for an occasion, but I'm having a better time overall behind the scenes. Plus, I think this one should be special."
"They're finally engaged," I muse.
"Finally. They waited longer than a whole month. An eternity," she says dramatically.
I smirk. "Waiting for you, yes, it was."
"I love that you and Ezra are best buds now."
I ponder that, and I realize that we are. We have more in common than he does with Elliot. I officially have a friend. "Soon-to-be brothers."
She looks around the cab for a moment, then gives me a mischievous smile. "Mr. Grey… I think this counts as alone time. A privacy screen. No kids. No newly engaged siblings. Just you and me and some heavily tinted windows."
She's ready now? Goddamn, I'm lucky. "I like the way you think, Mrs. Grey. We've been confined to simple beds for far too long."
"I couldn't agree more." She unbuckles her seatbelt and settles herself onto my lap, straddling me. She reaches down and unzips my fly while I move her underwear to the side, already damp with her arousal.
I slide into her, and it feels like coming home. We both quietly moan. She balances herself on her knees and starts to move, while I coax her lips open with mine. "Thank you, Ana," I murmur feverishly.
"Thank me?" she pants. "For what?"
For being mine. For the children. For the love. For taking the pills that gave you your life back. For never giving up on me, even when anyone else would have. "Everything."
She laughs breathlessly. "You're welcome, always."
Always.
A/N: Baby is here, Ana is doing much better, and Ezra and Mia are engaged. Sigh. The fluff. The song is Love Story by Taylor Swift, of course. If you decide to listen, listen to the one on Fearless (Taylor's Version), it's the best. Also, Jamie is not named after Jamie Dornan, I just like that name lol.
One more epilogue after this, from neither Ana or Christian's perspective. We're going to hear from someone we've never heard from. Any guesses?
I can't believe it's almost the end. I'm kind of sad!