Chapter 56
The smell of Bella's blood sent me into a dark place - though maybe I had already been in the dark place, or headed there at very least. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as the sweet aroma overwhelmed my senses. It was even more fragrant and intoxicating than I remembered from when Carlisle had taken her blood. A sudden and strong urge to drink took over me then and I ran blindly towards the smell. The frenzy had been activated and I was ready to succumb to my instincts, but a small voice cried out in the back of my head. This was Bella, my Bella, bleeding and injured - not a meal. Yet my pace didn't slow as I closed in on the cabin and before I could sort through all the very conflicting thoughts running through my head, I was met with resistance.
Coming at me at full speed was Rosalie, feeling determined and protective. My ice-cold-hearted sister, ready to take me down to keep Bella safe, but in that moment I didn't see it that way. All I saw was someone trying to stop me from reaching my target - Bella. Yet to be determined was my intention for wanting to get to her. Did I want to make sure she was safe? Or was I going in to barbarically satisfy my thirst? 'No!' The little voice cried out. I wouldn't harm her, how could I? But as Rosalie slammed full force into my body, the fighter in me took over and all I could see was the red haze of battle.
The thirst had added an air of anger and stubbornness to my mood. How dare she try to keep me from Bella? My Bella. The impact from our bodies slamming together sounded like thunder, but neither one of us was able to get a grip on the other during the crash. We landed several feet from one another and when I looked up, I noticed a small crack in the side of her face as our eyes met. She screamed out in agony, but before she could get up and make another move towards me, Emmett pulled her backwards and restrained her to check her injuries. Then my eyes darted and locked onto the front door of the cabin where Carlisle was guarding as Esme cowered behind him.
Alice suddenly seemed to appear from thin air and hopped up onto my shoulders - immediately getting herself into position to decapitate me. I'd been there before, I was not afraid. Just as she was tightening her grip, I was able to wedge my arm up between her hold and find the weak spot. As if the pixie, out of all the vampires I'd fought in the last century and a half, would be the one to finally take my head off. A wild maniacal cackle left my throat the moment she realized her error and I felt her fear. Both of my hands locked around her left arm and I used her weight against her - throwing her towards the cabin while still locked onto her limb. There was a loud crack and as her small body hit the ground I chucked her arm, in the opposite direction, out into the woods.
Then my focus centered in on the cabin once more. I ran right through Carlisle and Esme rather easily, pummeling through them like a football player. My body slammed into the front door aggressively - shattering the wood like glass. Carlisle and Esme each grabbed a leg and pulled me back outside in haste. I slid several feet in their direction, but my instant reaction was to get the two vampires off my back. Before my head could even lock onto who was who I'd sent someone flying off of me with all of my strength.
I'd never really seen Carlisle upset, but flinging his wife several yards out into my front yard had done the trick. As she landed with a giant thud into the dirt, his face warped into a snarl and he charged towards me. We went tumbling through the grass, each of us gaining and losing the upper hand several times before we ended back up on our feet. Somehow he ended up with a grip on both of my wrists and I knew that his intention was to take my arms. Before he could yank, I swiftly spun on my heel breaking his hold on my right wrist and hammering my elbow into his chest with the same momentum. It knocked him backwards onto his ass and before he could stand - I grabbed him by the ankle, placed my foot onto his chest, and pulled hard. His leg cracked off just above the knee and I chucked it out into the woods just as I had Alice's arm.
Esme shrieked in horror and ran off to fetch her husbands torn limb. As Rose's venom finished healing Alice, she and Emmett focused in on me. Now that I had this split second to, metaphorically, catch my breath as they closed in on me - I had a sudden moment of panic. Why was I fighting? Had I really just torn the limbs from two of my family members? Was Bella okay? What the hell was I doing? I stood still and lifted both of my arms in defeat as Rosalie and Emmett charged towards me with fury in their eyes.
It'd been decades since I'd had any of my limbs torn off. It was a familiar pain that never got any easier no matter how often it happened. The sound was horrible, the vampire equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Only to be followed by a blinding pain. It seemed especially painful in that moment - possibly due to all the time that had passed since it'd happened last. I fell to my knees and felt a growl erupt from inside me - looking up to see both Rose and Emmett chucking my arms into the forest. The thirst had eased in the wake of the pain and now I was full of regret and worry.
"Go ahead and retrieve them idiot." Rose spat as she stood looking down at me.
"I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me! Please - just go check on Bella. I need to know that she's okay. I was just . . . worried." I pleaded - laying on my back, staring up at the clouds as the guilt consumed me. It was a half truth. I was worried, extremely worried, but the truth is, I'm glad they were there and I'm glad they stopped me, because I'm not quite sure exactly what would have happened if they hadn't. I just wish that I would have surrendered a bit sooner, before anyone had gotten hurt.
"Oh give it a rest. She cut her hand on a juice glass, she's not dying. You on the other hand are not fine - what in the hell was that?" Rose asked, I felt her anger and disappointment. She was at the end of her rope with me.
"I - I don't know. I guess I panicked - I thought she was seriously injured. I just wanted to see her, but you got in the way and I -"
"Got in the way? You were charging towards the house like you were prepared to kill her and anyone who go in your way. You're the one who asked us to protect her from anyone barreling through the front door - even you. You could have just approached casually you know . . . used your words. No, no, no - that was something else. Something worse. Do you have yourself under control or are we gonna have to keep the arms?"
"I can handle myself - I swear. I won't hurt her." I promised.
"Her? How about any of us? How could you have done that to Carlisle and Alice? Then you threw Esme across the yard and you broke my face - not that you can tell now, but still! Carlisle and Alice will have those scars for the rest of their lives - as someone who has so many, I think you can understand the severity of that. You know 4/6 of your family members now have permanent marks on their bodies just from the last 72 hours. All because of this situation. Granted, Emmett's scars are from Edward, but it's still due to all of this stupidity with Bella. Think about that. This is putting us all through hell - I would have set your head on fire if you scarred my body. For the love of all things holy just change her already - I can't do this anymore. Emmett and I will be leaving if this isn't resolved soon. That's two less vampires around to help you babysit Bella, and two less people who love you to help save you from yourself. I'm sick of everyone else's problem becoming my own. All I want to do is exist peacefully and look good doing it." Rosalie said with a sigh. Then she got up and went to join Emmett, Esme, and Alice who were tending to Carlisle.
My body could sense the general direction of my torn limbs - it was always the strangest feeling. It was like a magnetic tingle that you could feel growing stronger the closer you got. After a moment of sulking I stood up, which is easier said than done when you don't have your arms to balance you. Then I walked towards where my body told me that my arms were. Apparently I hadn't made Carlisle's break as clean as I had Edward or Alice's. They were having some issues getting it reattached, which made me feel even worse than I already did. I slunk off towards the forest and when I found my left arm, I rolled it over into position with my foot and then knelt down over it. I closed my eyes and imagined drinking human blood so that venom would begin to fill my mouth. At first the picture in my mind of whom the blood belonged to was faceless, but as I got thirstier, Bella's face filled in the blank space. I tried to push that perfect face out of my mind - but it seemed to be stamped there permanently, the image I'd burned into my mind earlier. I leaned over so that my mouth was hovering over the broken area of my detached arm and spat the venom out onto it. I let the jacket I'd been wearing fall from my shoulders and onto the ground. Luckily I was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt underneath, otherwise the process would have been a lot more difficult.
I lined my arm up with my body the best that I could and slowly let it touch to the broken area near my shoulder. Instantly there was a squishy, slimy, fusing sound as my arm reconnected with my body. Once that was taken care of, the next arm was a piece of cake. Though once I was whole again, a paralyzing thought occurred to me and I ran to Alice. They'd just gotten Carlisle's leg back on and most of them crouched into a defensive position as I approached. I slowed down my pace and held up my hands in truce.
"I am extremely sorry," I said, letting them all feel my regret and remorse. "I don't know what happened - I smelled Bella's blood and I became something I'm not. I'd like to think that it was just because I knew she was hurt and I was worried, but it also made me incredibly thirsty and I did not handle myself well. When Rosalie came at me - I just went into panic mode. I'm so sorry. I hope you all can forgive me."
"I forgive you son." Carlisle said, hiding his emotions. I knew that this meant he didn't completely forgive me yet, but that he'd be working on it.
"Me too." Esme said softly, avoiding my gaze.
"Well, I guess Edward and I will match now. I'm okay. I still love you Jazz." Alice said with a sad smile as Rosalie crossed her arms and pulled her eyebrows together angrily. Emmett remained quiet but gave me a somber nod.
"Alice - that's what I came to ask. Did you take Edward's head back off before you came after me?" I felt a pang of panic and guilt from her at the question.
"No - I - I panicked. I locked the door to our bedroom - but he's still partially connected back at the house." She said. Then she got that familiar far away look on her face for a few seconds until a deep anxiety and fear spread through her. "I can't see him . . . I'll go back to the house and check on him now." She said, heading off that way.
"Can I go I and check on Bella?" I asked, feeling mostly confident in my control for the time being. I'd hold my breath if necessary. I'd been trying to focus in on her feelings for several minutes but I'd been coming up blank, that worried me.
"Well, I told her to hide in the bathroom. Hopefully she's not still bleeding too badly - it will be easier for you to tolerate once I get the cut stitched up. Would you mind waiting out here just until I'm done? I can go check in on her and let you know that she's okay before we get started." He asked carefully, trying not to upset me. I swallowed my pride and nodded, though it was hard to not rush inside past him to see her for myself. The mention of her blood made my mouth pool with venom, but I forced it back down with a hard gulp.
"Okay well - could you tell her I'll be out here waiting until she's ready to see me . . . And that I love her." I asked - feeling dejected. I knew I deserved the distrust. I'd worked so hard to make them trust me, to show them that I was changing, that Bella was my saving grace. I'd effectively destroyed all that hard work in less than an hour.
"Of course son." He agreed - turning to reach for the door knob before remembering that it wasn't there. There was no door at all. He paused only slightly before stepping over the broken wood and into the cabin. I sighed as Esme wrapped an arm around my shoulder reassuringly.
I guessed that it was time we did all sit down and discuss changing Bella as soon as possible. Hell maybe even within the next few hours. Carlisle had offered to help and this was all becoming a bit too much to handle. But the thought got derailed as Carlisle came back outside a moment later with a strange look on his face. There was a cloud of panic and guilt hovering over him.
"Jasper - Im sorry, but Bella is not inside that cabin. The bathroom window is opened, I think she may have ran off during all the commotion. The poor thing must be terrified. Her blood is all over the window sill - I hope she wrapped it up at least." The venom in my veins suddenly felt ice cold.
"I've got to go find her. I'll head to the house first and see if Alice can see anything." I told him, turning on my heel.
"Jasper - I'm not sure that going off to look for her alone is the best idea in your current state. She's bleeding and you're not yourself. We'll all go back to the house and see what Alice can tell us. Bella couldn't have gotten far, but I think it may be wise to send Emmett or Rosalie to go find her and bring her back to us. Then I can stitch her up and we can sort all of this out. If you need me to change her, we can move quickly." Carlisle suggested. I kept my mouth shut, but there was no way that I was going to let Emmett or anyone else be the one to go find Bella. I needed to see her, to hold her, to tell her how sorry I was for screwing up so badly. About halfway back to the main house I picked up her scent and slowed my pace to make sure that I was following it carefully. The other's noticed too and followed suit.
"Bella came this way. How did she make it all the way back to the house without any of us noticing? It's not a short walk." I asked, a bit impressed by her determination, but a sinking feeling in my stomach started to bother me.
"Well we were all quite occupied for a while - what's it been? Maybe a half hour?" Carlisle said. Then suddenly we saw Alice running towards us from the house and we stopped all together. My ears began to ring, as everything clicked together. Bella was in danger.
"Jasper, he's gone. Edward is gone, every piece. The whole house smells like Bella's blood and - all the upstairs doors were broken down. I think she - I think he - I - I -"
"FUCK Alice! This is exactly why you shouldn't have left him like that! How many warnings did I give? Okay - uh, Bella's scent is everywhere right? So let's just split off and figure out where she went - it shouldn't be difficult. Can you see anything?"
"She took your truck. I think that's why she must've went inside in the first place, to get the keys. She's headed for Port Angeles." Alice said.
"And Edward?" Emmett asked.
"I don't know, he's running, I'm only catching glimpses. we've got to find them both before he gets to her." Alice told him.
"Well I'm going to go get Bella." I said confidently.
"No you're not. Carlisle was right, it's too dangerous. You need to come with me and help me find Edward. Emmett can go find Bella and bring her back here." Alice said with a sureness.
"Don't you think she's gonna wonder why I'm not the one coming to her rescue? I can't just abandon her right now -" Rosalie cut me off mid-sentence.
"Jasper - There are five of us and one of you. Don't make me break your arms off again. If you care about your precious human so much, you'll listen. Now go with Alice, hurry! Emmett, go! Go now." Rosalie yelled with authority. I hesitated. Was she right? Bella was in danger - her safety is what should matter most, not my pride or my own emotions. Would she understand? Would she forgive me?
"Fine." I said through gritted teeth. Catching up to Edward and kicking his ass all over again would be satisfying, and I trusted Emmett to keep Bella safe. I knew that she was fond of him and she'd likely do what he said. I just hoped that she knew that it said nothing of how much I loved her - that I couldn't be there myself.
Emmett nodded and ran off towards the road that led to Port Angeles to find Bella. Alice and I did a perimeter around the house to pick up Edward's scent. The moment we caught it and began to follow, we found ourselves heading towards Port Angeles just the same.