First of all, a big shout out to my team of pre-readers and beta: NimNimBonjangles, bevey99, and Fran. Thank you so much for all the help with this story.
Secondly, a big 'THANK YOU' to all of you, who take the time to read reviews.
We're going back to my posting schedule. All recovered from covid. =)
[Edward]
Christmas Eve was usually spent decorating the tree, drinking hot chocolate, and listening to carols. I used to live for this exact moment in time. It was my most favorite.
Somehow, it felt wrong this year.
When I'd dropped Bella at her apartment after our trip to Port Angeles, I could tell she wasn't happy with us not being able to spend more time together.
I'd have to slip a Christmas tradition tomorrow so I'd get to spend the evening with her, and hopefully, the night too.
On Christmas morning, we usually shared gifts, and then we got lunch ready together, which we ate in the dining room. It wasn't often that room was used, but Christmas was one of those times.
Since I was old enough to understand what had happened to my parents, Esme and Carlisle took me to the cemetery on Christmas Day. In the past few years, I'd gone on my own. I had stopped crying upon seeing their graves, but I wanted to be alone with them.
In the evening, Carlisle brought out an assortment of Christmas movies which we watched together.
It wasn't difficult to decide which tradition I'd skip. After the cemetery, I was headed to Bella's. Hopefully, they wouldn't comment on the increasing time spent at Emmett's house, which was my best alibi these days.
On the twenty-fifth, I woke up after eight o'clock in the morning, which was later than I usually got up on Christmas Day.
Carlisle and Esme were in the living room, drinking coffee and talking quietly on the couch. I always felt bad for interrupting their private conversations, so I slipped into the kitchen, getting my own coffee alerting them of my presence downstairs.
"Since when are you drinking coffee?" Carlisle demanded when I stepped into the living room.
"Good morning to you, too," I joked. "I'm a college student now – I run on caffeine."
"Merry Christmas, honey!" Esme hugged me tightly. I returned the gesture carefully, so I wouldn't spill the contents of my mug on her back.
Carlisle eyed me curiously when I planted myself in the armchair and not between them on the couch. "You have to be careful with the coffee."
I rolled my eyes. "Spare me, please. I drink two at most. I usually drink just the one in the morning."
"I don't blame you, though. I remember how draining college was, never mind med school." He winked and wrapped an arm around Esme when she leaned into him. "Just remember to have fun every once in a while."
"Noted," I mumbled.
I hoped he wasn't going to bring up the matter of my job. We'd already fought over it the other day. I didn't want to fight with him today.
We shared presents, which were nothing special on my side – just a scarf and gloves set for Esme and a shaving kit for Carlisle. It was the most I could get them with my own money. They gifted me a new cable-knit sweater, a voucher to the best local garage to have the car checked, and an expensive cologne.
While I helped Esme prepare lunch, Carlisle offered to set the table and bring some wine from the cellar.
I was peeling potatoes when Esme abandoned the duck she was seasoning.
"I hate bringing this up, but I'm curious." She never pried into my life, which proved whatever she wanted to know was not trivial.
"Hmm?" I kept my focus on the potatoes.
Her hands covered mine, effectively stopping my distraction from the serious conversation.
"When school ended, you were a mess. But you only moped around for about a week." Her fingers squeezed mine, making me turn to meet her wary brown eyes. "It looked like you cared a lot for the girl who broke your heart. I didn't expect you to get over that so soon."
"What makes you think I got over it?" I asked curiously.
I'd tried my best to keep up the pretense, but once school had been over and I could go to Bella's whenever, I hadn't given a shit about putting on a show. I'd been happier than ever when summer began.
"Edward, I had my fair share of fights with Carlisle. If I'm a good judge of your character, I'd say you're a lot like me. You'd rather suffer than confront the other person and escalate the problem."
"Clearly, you have me wrong," I mumbled. Of course, she was somewhat right. I hadn't planned on seeking Bella, not right away. But she'd come to me just when I'd made up my mind to go to her. "It was my first break-up. I realized I'd been an idiot and that wasn't love."
"Do I know her?" she asked quietly, returning to the duck legs.
I couldn't help but snort as a plan formed in my head. I could let her believe the one who'd broken my heart had been Vera. "Pretty hard not to know someone in this town," I joked. "She used to be a fellow senior. We dated for a couple of months."
Esme met my eyes, and I could tell she wasn't buying my shit story.
"It's over now. Forget it," I dismissed her, continuing to peel potatoes.
Carlisle joined us eventually, but Esme insisted he sit at the table, otherwise he'd be in our way. He didn't waste much time to start grilling me about college – what I was studying, how was my roommate, and of course, if there was some girl I planned to introduce to them.
"Carlisle!" Esme gasped, whacking him with the dish towel. "If Edward finds someone, he'll tell us when he's ready."
"Of course." Carlisle nodded, keeping his eyes on me.
I'd moved to peel carrots now, as I eyed him, amused. He wasn't going to back down. He'd asked me several times in the past few years if I had a girlfriend. He only wanted to know if I was safe and happy. I'd always confirmed that I was both before he could delve into some unwanted sex talk.
"Well, did you?" he insisted.
I laughed, catching Esme's elbow when she was ready to whack him again. "I'll tell you when I find her."
His eyes narrowed as if reading through my bullshit. "I hope you're responsible and safe while you search for her."
God. I didn't know he could still embarrass me like this. "Yes!" I groaned.
"Stop, Carlisle," Esme insisted, going to his side. I had no idea what she whispered to him, but he nodded solemnly. Then, he stole me under the pretext of giving me another present. I'd have rather helped Esme cook.
"I promise not to mention your relationship status," he started, leading the way to his study.
I used to dislike this place when I was little. The many books scared me, and Carlisle was always busy holed up in here. He often called me here to scold me after I got in trouble at school. Carlisle never raised his voice, but the way he worded his verbal argument reminded me how I shouldn't even dare to think about misbehaving or do anything to upset them. I mean, they were wonderful. They had taken me in and raised me.
But my outbursts of testosterone often outsmarted the rational part of my brain, and I got in trouble over the silliest things.
"Sit, please." Carlisle gestured to the chair across his desk.
I sank in the leather seat, watching him sit across from me. He pulled out a small gift bag from one of the drawers, pushing it my way.
I accepted it, peeking inside. Seriously? I scowled at the big box of condoms. "This is new," I said, fighting amusement.
"I'm aware I'm years ahead the first time you touched a condom, but I guess this means less money out of your pocket."
"Thank you." What the hell else could I say to this?
"There's more," he said softly, his eyes shining with excitement.
I checked inside the bag, and sure enough, at the bottom of it was an envelope. I already knew it was a card before I opened it. A golden AmEx card. Of course, he'd gone for one of the expensive ones.
"It's better suited for everyday expenses, such as groceries and eating out. I was all for getting you the green one, but how much do you travel?" He shrugged.
"A lot, actually," I muttered. "All those trips between Seattle and New York…"
"You'll be here only a couple of times during the year. Don't be difficult. And I'll always pay your plane fare."
I couldn't argue with that. He didn't know I planned on coming back home with every given opportunity. He didn't know that every time I went back to Cornell, I left my heart here in Forks with Bella.
"Thanks," I said, accepting the gifts.
"I set your limit at one grand," he explained, looking relieved I wasn't putting up a fight.
Of course, one grand was spare change for him. After all the years I'd spent with him and Esme, I still wasn't used to how rich he was. He'd inherited some property from his father's side in England, which he had sold for a lot of money. But that had been a year or so before we'd met. And it didn't hurt that he was the best surgeon in Forks and the nearby vicinity.
I could only dream of making that type of money one day, but that was wishful thinking. While I believed in myself, I still had no idea where I'd be once college ended. I had to talk about this with Bella, but having such a serious conversation wasn't on our list when we had only stolen moments.
My phone, which I'd placed on the desk, started ringing. I didn't even think about answering, which was terrible of me. My eyes were on Carlisle, who was staring at the screen of my phone.
Thankfully, I hadn't used one of Bella's pictures for when she called. He couldn't even know it was her because I had her as 'Hot Stuff' on my phone. That was how I'd programmed her in the very beginning, and I hadn't bothered to change it.
"Not dating, my ass."
I cracked a smile. It wasn't often when he cursed. "Don't tell Esme." I picked up my bag and the phone. "I'll be in my room."
"I'll let you know when lunch is ready." He winked, and I left his study.
As I climbed the stairs, I returned Bella's call.
"Are you okay?" she asked urgently when the call connected.
"I was with Carlisle." I closed the door of my room, throwing the bag into my open suitcase. I hadn't even bothered to unpack properly.
"I mean…do they know?" She sounded oddly out of breath.
"No. Why? What happened?" I felt dread filling my body, settling deep in my bones.
"Esme just called me, reminding me I was invited for dinner."
"What?" I shouted, choking on my spit.
"She didn't sound happy."
I palmed my face. It made sense why we'd cooked so much food. It was also clear that lunch wouldn't happen. We were going to have an early dinner with Bella as our guest.
"Shit. I thought she'd drop it. Couldn't you find some excuse?" I protested.
"Like, what? I'm not good at lying. Besides, she didn't give me an alternative. She told me, 'We're expecting you around five.'"
"Fuck, Bella. I'm so sorry."
"I just left Jake's house. I'm going to freshen up and be there."
"I'm sorry," I insisted, feeling irrationally angry with Esme. She had no idea the secret Bella and I had. She'd only wanted Bella to feel like she belonged somewhere. She'd liked Bella when she'd dropped by that fateful day, moved by how a teacher cared so much about one of her students. If only Esme had known…
"Stop apologizing. I'll see you soon."
"Damn, I'll actually have to dress up now. I'll never hear the end of it if I greet you in sweatpants."
"I don't mind it," she giggled.
"Of course, you don't."
"See you."
"Don't worry, please," I insisted before we said goodbye.
I went back to the kitchen, still wearing sweatpants, waiting for Esme to drop the bomb about our guest.
I fell into one of the chairs, keeping my eyes on her back.
Maybe I could find a way to make her change her mind. I was sure she'd forgotten about inviting Bella over. I sure had.
What felt like an eternity later, Esme turned around. "If you want to keep tradition and visit the cemetery, I suggest you go now. We have guests for dinner."
Fuck. I felt my blood run cold.
It had slipped my mind that I had a trip planned before going to Bella's. I'd never forgotten about visiting my parents.
"Who?" I chose to ask, picking a cookie from the plate sitting on the table. Esme never scolded me for spoiling my appetite.
"I called Bella Swan, your biology teacher," she explained as if I didn't know who Bella was. "I can't imagine how hard it is for her to spend this holiday alone."
"You do realize she has friends, right? When I helped her with the groceries, she said she was visiting Coach in La Push."
Esme rolled her eyes. "Besides, we have to discuss our Hush-Hush Project."
"What?" I felt my mouth going dry. "What's that?" I felt oddly unstable, even though I was sitting down.
"Nothing to concern yourself with." She winked, busying herself with taking eggs out of the refrigerator. "You'll find out later."
I grabbed another cookie, stuffing it into my mouth. "I'll go get ready."
"Dinner is at five. Try to be back on time," she said softly, already starting to beat the eggs at full speed.
All I could think of was the "Hush-Hush Project" Esme had told me about and the fact that Bella hadn't mentioned something like this. She hadn't told me that she was so close to Esme. That was the bigger shock.
On the way to the cemetery, Emmett called me to ask if I wanted to meet him tomorrow. He even said it would be just us. I'd started accepting Rosalie because it was clear they loved each other. They lived together in Seattle, having chosen to share an apartment rather than use the dorms. I tried not to think of how much I envied them for being able to have all the experiences when I barely got to see my girlfriend.
I promised Emmett I'd call him about tomorrow because I didn't know what time I'd be available.
Now that Bella was coming to us, it would be even more difficult to sneak out and go to her.
I was grateful to find the overpriced flower shop open near the cemetery's gates. I got the usual wildflower bouquet I always bought during my visits and then made my way through the familiar alleys.
I hadn't grasped, until recently, how abnormal my routine was during these visits. No child should be eager to visit two stones instead of being near two warm, loving people.
My thoughts turned to that mentally unstable person who'd opened gunfire in the toy store. The curiosity had gotten the best of me some years ago, and I searched the Internet for articles about the incident. That man had serious mental problems, and he'd escaped from a specialized institution. How he got his hands on a weapon was unknown, but this was America. My roommate's girl, Kate, lived in fear that we'd be gunned down on the university's grounds.
I placed the flowers in the vase between their graves. I knew that Esme and Carlisle had come here yesterday. My parents had been no one to them, but they always kept them alive for me – in my mind and in my heart. I wasn't sure how many adoptive parents had done the same for their new child.
I crouched, touching my fingers over Mom's grave, tears gathering in my eyes. I hadn't cried during my visits for several years now.
For the longest time, I hadn't understood why Esme was talking to them when it was clear they couldn't hear. As I grew older, I understood that it helped and that, even though I didn't really believe in God, I knew my parents could see me and hear me. They might not be everywhere like Esme used to tell me, but they were out there.
Stroking the freezing stone, I told them silently that I'd gotten into college, that I was happy, that I was safe and loved by Carlisle and Esme, that I missed them. I only had a photo of them; the only one Esme could get her hands on when she'd taken me to my old house to grab my clothes and toys. If it weren't for that picture, I wouldn't have remembered their faces – not as clear as when I allowed myself to look at it.
When I felt chilled to the bones, I decided it was time to return. I never paid attention to the time during my visits to the cemetery, so when the clock on the dashboard read 4:57, I cursed loudly.
Esme would have my balls for dinner.
I floored the gas, hoping the police had better things today. The last thing I needed at the moment was some underpaid deputy calling Carlisle to come to get my speeding ass from the station.
It's a little cliffie...but you'll forgive me next chapter. I hope.
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