Edward: *helping Bella into the car* There you go.
Bella: I'm assuming at some point you're going to tell me where we're going.
Edward: I thought you knew.
Bella: Clearly I did, based on my comment about not knowing where we're going.
Edward: We're in fancy clothes, driving somewhere together, on the date of… *phone rings* Hold on a sec *picks up phone* Hello Charlie.
Bella: Charlie? Is he in on this?
Edward: *still on the phone* No Chief Swan, I pulled over to talk to you *turns a corner as he's speaking, still on phone* Oh, Tyler's there? *pause* No, you don't have to shoot him *pause* What was that loud banging sound? *pause* Oh, that's horrible. Maybe it's time for a maintenance check on the safety? *pause* Okay, I'll be careful the next time I'm around, just in case it happens again. Bye *hangs up*
Bella: What the hell was that about?
Edward: Oh, Tyler thought he was taking you to prom, so Charlie was checking whether that was true. Unfortunately, one of his guns went off while Tyler was at the door, and Charlie won't be able to get it checked until after my next visit.
Bella: You're taking me to PROM?!
Edward: That's the part of the sentence you focus on?
Bella: You know I hate these kinds of things. As well as people in general.
Edward: Wait, where'd you think I was taking you?
Bella: I thought you were taking me to…you know what? It was a stupid idea.
Edward: No, really, what did you think?
Bella: Hey, look at that, we're at the school. Let's go see everyone *opens car door*
Edward: We haven't stopped moving yet *Bella tumbles out*
Bella: …little help?
*in the gym*
Edward: See, this isn't so bad, is it?
Bella: I hate everything about what's happening right now.
Edward: Oh, don't be so overdramatic. Look, my family seem to be having fun.
Bella: Huh, didn't think anyone could do classic ballroom dancing while a Black Eyed Peas song was playing.
Edward: What's so weird about that?
Bella: How can you not know what's wrong with doing something very classy while a song about 'lovely lady lumps' is playing?
Jacob: Hey, what's wrong with lovely lady lumps?
Bella: When and why did you get here?
Edward: I don't think those are both grammatically correct.
Jacob: My dad said I get ten bucks if I come here and talk to you about something.
Edward: Okay, what did you need to talk about?
Bella: I think he means alone.
Edward: Okay *stays where he is*
Bella: As in just me and Jacob *Edward continues standing where he is* Go away for a moment Edward.
Edward: Oh, that's what you meant *leaves*
Jacob: Your boyfriend's…interesting.
Bella: You have no idea. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?
Jacob: My dad wants you to break up with your "vampire" boyfriend.
Bella: Of course he does.
Jacob: He also said, and I quote, "we're watching you Swan, always watching you", but in a voice that sounded like a grumpy old slug woman.
Bella: Yeah, well, you can tell him that I'm not breaking up with Edward, and that he can mind his own damn business.
Jacob: Yeah, I told him that would probably be your response. Anyway, can I have my ten bucks now?
Bella: He wasn't even gonna pay you himself?
Jacob: I also told him you would be outraged by that. Can I at least see you boobs?
Bella: *sighs, then quickly flashes him* Happy?
Jacob: …this is the best day ever *leaves*
*later, just outside the building*
Edward: So, what did you think we were going to be doing tonight?
Bella: Something very, VERY different.
Edward: Did you think I was getting you all dressed up so I could romance you into sleeping with me?
Bella: No…I mean, I wouldn't have said no, but that's still not even close to what I had in mind for what we'd be doing.
Edward: Then what did you think we were doing?
Bella: Well…I was kinda sorta hoping you would change me?
Edward: But your dress looks so pretty. Besides, you can dress yourself.
Bella: Not even close to what I meant.
Edward: Oh? *suddenly realising* Oh, you meant change you to a vampire. Yeah, still no.
Bella: Aww, come on, please?
Edward: Okay.
Bella: Wait, really?
Edward: …no. And we're done talking about that for this book.
Bella: Are we though?
Edward: Yes, this is the end of this book. Goodbye everyone.
Author's note: And just like that, the first Twilight book is done. Just like with Harry Potter, I'm planning to do the whole series, though I have no idea when I'm going to get to New Moon Abridged. If you want me to do it sooner, there's a poll on my profile where you can vote for what I write next. Speaking of which, my next fanfic will be The Justice League Play Cards Against Humanity, so keep an eye out for that. Well, I'm gonna go binge watch the DCEU to prepare, and I'll see you guys next time.