Chapter 12: Under the Surface
As Edward and I arrived back at the house, Carlisle informed us, "Emmett gave us a basic run down upon his return."
With great excitement, Emmett no doubt repeated himself. "We were in the trees, right? I'm north of Laurent, Jasper is southeast, and Edward is southwest. The wolves are below us. Jasper says some kinky stuff that seemed to be right up Laurent's alley, Jasper convinces Laurent that Edward is interested in a three-way, they stand around looking all sexual, while Laurent spills his beans, cums in his pants, and then Jasper takes his head off."
Carlisle looked at the three of us, and then after an extended silent moment uttered, "Indeed." It took him an additional four seconds before he uttered, "What did you learn?"
I'd rather not talk about it, I informed Edward, unwilling to share my true state.
I was Maria's Major. A report was required before the rest. In my desire to continue to hide the cost of my gift from the Cullens, I would need to continue to hold the emotions swimming within me in their container without them bleeding out. To do so would be easiest if I was left alone or everyone obeyed me, which was unlikely in the Cullen household. Thus, the less I engaged until calmer inwardly the better for us all.
"James is planning a car accident to lure out the Forks Police in order to capture Charlie, then Bella, and then Alice," Edward stated. "James is cunning, but his favourite game is when he convinces others to sacrifice themselves for their loved ones, only to torture and mutilate that loved one in front of them. He's quite sadistic. Laurent has spent his time in trees listening to the conversations happening in passing cars and on the beach to learn his information. Also, José seems to have a gift of sensing the weakest spot, which is why James had him join their group. There was nothing in Laurent's memories to indicate that James is terribly upset about losing Victoria, except that she had a gift of evasion, so he's being extra precautious, since he doesn't have her to rely upon. However, I must say that Laurent had a unique way of seeing the world, so we can't rely entirely on his version of things."
Emmett snorted.
Everyone looked at him.
"That's Eddie's polite way of saying that Laurent was a masochist who was into badasses who scared him and hurt him."
"Quite," Carlisle muttered.
The table wanted to giggle at the sudden emergence of his original British accent, but didn't. Nevertheless, the feelings of hilarity were a welcomed emotional change from the last few hours.
"But it's enough for us to listen to the police bandwidth and go to any accident on the outskirts of the city," Rosalie pointed out.
"I would think so," Edward agreed.
"I have nothing better," Alice supported.
"I agree," I put in.
"Better than sitting around worrying," Emmett concurred.
"Jasper, will you update Peter and Charlotte?" Carlisle confirmed.
"Of course," I verified.
After agreeing to a rotation of police listening, I stood to go speak with Peter and Charlotte. Alice stood to go with me. She must have said something to Edward, as he nodded to her.
We were just outside of the family hearing range when Alice asked, "Are you sure?"
Stopping and turning to her, I pointed out, "What you asked to do changed the feelings between us."
She radiated sadness. "That doesn't mean we have to make a decision to change things. You have been my world since I awakened," she choked out.
Pulling her into my arms, I held her while she sobbed and we grieved together.
Eventually Alice was pulled into a vision, halting the emotions between us. When it was finished she told me distressed, "This was not a cost I saw when I made the decision."
"Would you take it back?" I checked.
It was more than fifteen minutes later when she answered softly, "No." She breathed in deeply, taking my scent into her. "If I had not asked, there was a nearly firm chance that I would die in the storm James is brewing, and a fair chance that at least one other family member would also."
Her emotions were a frenzied mix of grief and determination.
"You chose to live," I stated, my tone gentle, while I sent her my care, affection, and agreement.
"Yes," she concurred, her grief doubling as the words exited her mouth.
"I'd rather you alive in someone else's arms, then gone," I confirmed. "Then there is the reality that your feelings towards him have changed, and his towards you. These events have altered you, him, and me. Edward changing is momentous."
She giggled, which was a delight after her sobbing. "True."
"Is he where you see your future?" I wondered.
She closed her eyes and admitted, "He hasn't decided, and neither have I, so nothing comes through clearly. You have been and will be my priority. I want you to be happy. As a result, I am uncertain, which makes seeing the outcome impossible."
"I heard what you said June bug. I'm not offering this to you because I want to lose you, or think we aren't good together or for each other. You have been light in my darkness, and it is only in how things are changing that I'm beginning to see how I carried too much of Maria into my life with you. For that I am regretful and apologise. Simultaneously, Edward's connection with you has deepened and you have something with him that you don't with me. Ironically, I agree with your sentiment, but in reverse. Your happiness is a priority to me over my own."
She lifted her head, looked at me her gaze soft and her eyes moist.
"This is not what I wanted to happen as a result of you removing my terror of James," she stated emphatically.
"I'm not saying that you and Edward are meant to be," I clarified, "or even that he'll be a better match for you than me. But I want you to have the chance to explore it. You know that I decided weeks ago to talk to him about it, if the opportunity arose. You didn't object to me doing so."
She looked down to the ground appearing embarrassed and guilty. "I wanted to see the best outcome before I choose."
"Life isn't always going to be like that June bug. Sometimes you have no clarity. Sometimes you move in a direction uncertain of any aspects of an outcome. We live long lives. I want to give you the chance to explore this potential with Edward. If it doesn't work for you or for him, then we can pick things back up. The foundation of what we have cannot be altered easily, irrelevant of our physical intimacy."
She looked up into my eyes, and we peered into the other's for a long time.
"You are the most amazing, generous, thoughtful, kind person I know," she uttered in a whisper.
"More than Carlisle?" I teased.
"Is love truly expressed by holding tight to something or by sacrificing your selfish desire for the other's happiness?" she asked rhetorically. "I'd like to imagine true love is when you want the best for the other person, even if it's not what you would want for yourself. You are not dictating to me. You are not acting on my behalf for my own good. This is what you are giving me, a choice which contains an expression of true love. You gave me plenty of opportunity to say no, to object. I still could."
"But you don't want to," I cut in.
She was forlorn both in her body language and her emotions. "I am torn. I want to hold you tight. You are my North Star. When I look into our future, we look the same as we do now. And I cannot see even a glimpse of my options with Edward. But I cannot deny how much his comforting of me, his helping me via his ability with my own, and how he cares for me is something I want more of."
"Then, open yourself up to the opportunity, and see what comes of it. I am simply creating room for you to do so from my desire to see you the happiest and most fulfilled you could be."
Uttering the words had the sensation that my chest had been torn open and glass placed within my heart, so that it cut at my insides.
She smiled sadly. "See, true love." There was prolonged silence between us before she asked, "What about you? I am afraid this choice will result in you leaving the Cullens."
"You have to trust that I have built sufficient connections with them in their own right that we could never be lost to one another. Not to mention that I'm not in the same spot I was when we first met them. I'll get by," I stated. Putting my hands on her shoulders, I sent her my affection, care for her, desire for her well-being, and want for her to be happy. "You deserve to have the very best this life can offer you. We have the potential for eternity, but even you don't know how many days we each have left."
Her eyes coated with venom, but anticipation grew within her.
My words seemed to release some of her hesitance. Keeping my hands where they were, but moving my fingers so that my thumbs touched her skin, I stilled, examining our connection. The elements of our friendship rang true. Most of her adulation was gone, replaced with respect, admiration, and gratitude. Our connection was more balanced and it was something to cherish, for sure. Its state pleased me, as I had been worried it would have frayed more on her end. Her emotions filling me was bittersweet, as I couldn't help but acknowledge that I would not get unfettered access to her inner world moving forward, as I had become accustomed. It would be a challenge to adjust to.
Heartbreak and sadness overcame me, and I considered taking back my offer to Edward. These emotions were strong, and probably mine. Despite my words, I was afraid of what this change would mean for me. Yet, I did want the best for her.
"You are heartbroken," she uttered. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"No," I told her honestly, "but I meant my words."
"You can't bully your feelings into your plans," she huffed in a nearly scolding tone.
"You sure?" I teased.
She smiled sadly at me. "Maybe you should allow your feelings to dictate your choices?" she suggested.
Absolute terror momentarily rocked me. My brain immediately told me that her suggestion was a sure way to death, and everything within me recoiled.
"No thanks," I replied, while kissing her forehead.
"You should get that looked at," she teased.
Unwrapping my arms from around her, I took a step back. "You offering?"
"Nah," she answered with a smirk. "That sounds like a job for Peter."
Chuckling, I shook my head and smiled at how quickly she could bring me back to myself. Taking a close look at her, she seemed more certain and happy than she had looked in a few years.
"This new future looks good on you," I complimented her.
Shrugging, she answered, "Maybe, but it doesn't change my heartbreak and reluctance to change things between us."
"The connection is already changed. We already made the decision. We choose you living at any cost. This is the price. But exploration doesn't determine the outcome."
"True," she agreed.
"What are you going to do about Bella?" I questioned. "I cannot see Edward being willing to expand his mind into the possibility of you loving her."
"I want you in my life, as well as Bella. Even though I desire her and you, pursuing her would not create the happiest outcome for everyone. If I change her, it is too upsetting for the family," she stated sadly.
"You've seen it?" I questioned, doubtful.
"Just a feeling," she answered. Then, after a moment she confessed, "In a glimpse that I played with as much as possible, Bella could have come to Forks and been coupled to Edward. I only began to see how transformative that would have been for Edward, and could imagine the rest. It was my greatest hope for him, but she is no longer the seventeen-year-old girl who would have been enraptured by him, and in part that's my doing. She'll be a college graduate soon, if she lives through what James is planning. From what I saw and then extrapolated, she would have been better for Edward in some ways than me, both virginal teenagers obsessed with love, and I hate the idea of being sloppy seconds."
She huffed and emitted a small amount of shame. "I love you. I love Edward and I love Bella. Maybe I could have continued being with you and given up being more than friends with her, and that would have been okay. But I've been greedy and selfish. I wanted everything to stay as it was and hold onto Bella. And when Phil got hurt, I thought fate was giving me a chance to have it all. I was wrong in more ways than I can count. My choices have cost the family in lost futures and me more than I wanted or expected to pay, but there's no going back now." She sent me an apology, which was interwoven with her shame.
"I heard your warning, but I've always lived my life by my visions, and they gave no indication of how much the healing you did for me would change me internally. What they did tell me was that it would increase my chances of survival. So, even though it has been a big sacrifice all around, and things have not gone the way I expected, it's hard to not believe that this path was the best one for me, as I like how I feel about myself better than ever before." Looking at me sincerely, she uttered, "Thank you for everything, Jasper. I know you think that I helped save you, but you saved me first and second. It is I who is in your debt."
"And Bella?" I asked, wanting a straight answer.
Grieved and apologetic, she told me, "I give up my claim and pass it to you. Please don't have me regret doing so."
"You're releasing your claim for her?" I asked, shocked.
How long had Alice loved this girl? Shortly after Bella had been born, from all accounts.
Alice looked sad and radiated grief. "The future has changed too much. With sending Peter and Charlotte to guard her, something was altered, and I can't seem to get it back. I'd have to give up being a Cullen, by all accounts. I thought about what you asked me, if I would be willing to give up being a Cullen for Bella, and although it was a temptation for sure and wandered down that path for a bit, my ultimate answer is no. I might not be terrified of the future like I used to be, but there's too many pros. Then there is the reality that for reasons I don't understand, she isn't as happy with me as she is with Charlotte. I wasn't ever jealous of their relationship, but I am sad that she seemed reluctant to bond with me like she did with Charlotte, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it."
Unwilling to divulge my theories about why, I sent her sympathy and comfort. "So, you're choosing what you see will make Bella the happiest?" I checked.
"I am," she stated.
"How magnanimous of you," I bit back, reminding her, "I never wanted to be responsible for a human. The claim should go to Charlotte."
"I will only rescind my claim if you take it and vow to maintain it until she dies or is turned," Alice insisted.
Shocked, I refuted, "Charlotte has more invested."
"I claimed her first and you met her second," Alice pointed out. "Please Jasper."
Using my ability to figure out her angle, I only found hope and sadness.
She frowned, "I know you don't believe me, but I genuinely want you to be happy. She's good for you and you have the control to change her."
Scrutinising her more, there was a touch of mischievousness and glee, but they didn't fit in a way that was helpful.
Looking at me slyly, she added, "And with you claiming, I have a much higher chance of having her in my life regularly."
Her emotions told me that even though she was being truthful, it wasn't her primary motivation. The idea that she was making this request due to her genuine desire for me to be happy was odd, as it reminded me a little of Peter. Not to mention that I couldn't fathom how Bella would bring me happiness. It seemed like a lot of pressure to put on her.
With a mischievousness and wishful happiness she told me, "I choose you."
Considering the pros and cons, especially with how Charlotte and Peter would react, I agreed, figuring that they would agree with me taking the claim.
Huffing, I didn't know how to respond. "And exploring a romantic relationship Edward?"
"The feelings are there on my end," she confessed.
"Then, I offer you my blessing," I told her, upset at all that she had revealed, even though none of it surprised me.
Rather her confessions, which I suspect she only uttered in a vain attempt to reduce her shame, confirmed the power her gift gave her and how she was messing with our lives.
She nodded like she knew she could count on me and smiled sadly. "I was planning on helping you with releasing what lingers in you from your encounter with Laurent, as I had assumed that it would be something similar to what you experience around the couples getting amorous."
Smiling at her thoughtfulness, I started jogging once more. "I don't think Edward would appreciate that."
"He'd understand," she argued. "It's not the same as when we connect without your gift pushing you."
"That is true," I agreed. "He would accept the explanation, but I have given him my blessing and promised to step back from being physical with you, as that is what he needs in order to even contemplate his feelings towards you. Thus, anything like that would hurt his sense of honour, and resultantly damage his and my relationship."
"Oh," Alice uttered. "Anything I can do, then?"
"Not that I know of," I told her.
She stopped, stilled, and checked her visions. "Go to Bella's room. Out of the options you look the most peaceful with that one."
"Thanks June bug," I told her.
She came up to me and hugged me tightly. "You're welcome," she replied with sadness in her tone. Stepping back, she checked with trepidation, "We're going to be alright?"
Smiling sadly at her, I told her, "You dead is the unacceptable choice. Both of us were willing to pay the price, and we might have more to pay," I warned her, "but we both agreed. We'll make this work, and if Edward doesn't feel romantically inclined towards you, then we can attempt to make something new between us on this altered ground in which we stand. We have long lives. There's no rush."
She took in a deep breath and eased it out, "Yes, right, long lives." Then after a moment she looked me dead in the eyes, telling me, "You've been the best. I'm scared, because I don't know the outcome, but you're promising that we will be in each other's lives till death do us part."
Taking her hands in mine and maintaining eye contact, I vowed, "You shall have me as a friend and champion till death do us part."
Her grief was strong, but hope was there also.
Taking in another long deep breath and letting it out, she replied, "And I for you."
She stepped in and hugged me tight and I her.
"This is not goodbye," I reminded her.
"True," she agreed, "but what was will not be."
"Maybe it'll be even better," I encouraged.
"Maybe," she mused. Then collecting herself, she teased, "On you go."
"Yes, ma'am," I replied with a smirk.
Turning, I ran towards Peter and Charlotte.
The first time I noticed Peter's impeccable timing was three days after Maria's feathers had been smoothed and her worry had finally settled. In other words, she was no longer a hair's trigger away from burning Peter. He approached me when she was away scouting and I was observing the newborns doing basic drills.
Standing by my side, he said quieter than a whisper, "I want to show you my ideas."
Then, he walked off. Due to the seriousness of his tone and a sense of warning that came over me, I stepped away from him. Two seconds after doing so one of the newborns that Maria enjoyed bedding turned towards me, his features appearing disappointed. This confirmed which of the newborns Maria was using to keep an eye on me.
It wasn't until after the next battle, when the newborns were in their spaces and Maria was not yet back, that I risked approaching Peter. He was in his cabin, which Maria had placed near the male newborn area, and thus nearly opposite from mine. When I entered his body language suggested that he had been waiting for me, even though I had not made a sound on my approach.
He remained seated, as if he had no fear of me, while I closed the door, and he told me nonchalantly, like the information was common knowledge, "You have an extra ability that most vampires don't, and it has to do with emotions. I have some ideas of how you can learn how to wield it better, but the safest way would be while we were demonstrating fighting moves to the newborns."
Tilting my head towards him, I tried to work out if what he said was true.
Prowling over to him, I growled in warning. "How could you know such a thing?"
He shrugged like he didn't know remaining cool as a cucumber. "I just do."
Scrutinizing him closely, he presented no deceit. There was no way I could figure that him offering this to me could cause me harm, except by telling Maria. In fact, every scenario of accomplishing his idea conjured images of him getting hurt. I estimated him to be smart enough to have already figured out that he was offering himself up for pain, which added to the possibility he was truly trying to help me. How he was suggesting confirming it was also genius, as it would kept any findings from Maria. However, it would mean that he would have confirmation of his theory. After a lot of inward debate, the image of his head torn in two because of me decided me. Furthermore, if he was stupid enough to betrayed me, I already had a minimum of a hundred ways of keeping Maria on my side.
"Proceed," I decided, wanting to understand his plan better.
"I think your ability has two parts. You give off this 'don't fuck with me vibe' that I think you could wield like a sword at people or a like a fog that affects an area. When you drank that family and had us all assemble, my body was filled with terror and fidelity. I suspect that you sent them out. I also think that you experience the emotions around you, but especially when there's skin to skin contact."
"This is going to hurt," I told him with an evil wicked smirk.
Staring at me, as if refuting the evil motherfucker persona I wore at camp, he simply replied, "I can take it."
"We'll see," I retorted while leaving, unwilling to say more.
Only time would tell his real game.
A few hours later Maria returned with bodies turning into vampires.
"Venga, mi Major," she cooed at me.
My body knew Maria and what she liked like my own hand. Thus, I could take care of her needs while also thinking on other things without her catching on. As we were joined and she played with my body, adding bites and tears, my mind kept repeating what Peter had said. Making sure nothing changed outwardly, I began analysing the emotions within me, and for the first time asking myself what, if any weren't mine. Maria was already finished with me, and had sent me away after rewarding me with a release of my own, when it became obvious that he was right, at least about the skin contact part.
"Mother fucking damn the world to shit," I spat out under my breath furious.
It explained why I loathed others touching me, and it was good information to know, but the fact that he had known something about me that I had not riled me up.
Finding his scent and tracking him down, I found him in the oddest of spaces, right outside of the male newborn area leaning casually against the wall.
Ignoring that he seemed to have expected me, I lifted him by the throat and growled low, ensuring that my the words would not go past us, "How did you know?"
"I'm not sure; the information was in my head one day randomly," he answered, his tone subservient.
"You don't know?" I snarled the vibration in my chest increasing.
"Maybe I have an ability too. I don't know how to explain it. I just knew," he claimed, while honesty, integrity, and fidelity filled me.
With my hand on his skin, it dawned on me, that I was experiencing similar emotions that had not been there previously. For the second time I analysed myself.
My conclusion was that those feelings were his. None of them were a danger to me. Instead they seemed to indicate that he wanted to serve and help me.
Unsure what to think about that, I dropped him and walked away.
My body suddenly became delighted for no reason, and for the first time I considered that maybe the feeling was Maria's. Peter and I fighting would have certainly delighted her.
The next day, once the sun was up, Peter and I started training the surviving newborns.
"Peter and I are going to demonstrate ways of fighting. Pay attention because you'll be next," I commanded.
Peter and I dropped into the pit. He began circling me.
"Give me all you got, Major," he teased.
Imagining my anger like a sword cutting him in two, I charged at him, and then at the last moment jumped over him, slid through his legs, and hit him in his junk.
He tried not to react, but flinched towards covering his junk with his hands, while he spun trying to face me.
Taking the terror and awe that suddenly had begun to fill my body, I imagined capturing it into a container and then throwing it at him, as if it were a cannonball, while I charged him again. Feigning right, I moved left. He was slower in his responses than usual.
Taking off his left arm, I stood on the side holding it in a taunting manner. Then dropping it on the ground, anger began to fill me, and so I concentrated on just it, rather than taking in the whole cocktail that was swimming within me, and then sent it in his direction, like I was forcing him to be filled with it. He started snarling and losing his cool. Using that to my advantage, I did some of the more basic moves we had previously taught. Peter defended himself fine enough, but he did end up losing his right leg. Holding him and his appendages, I jumped out of the pit, and ordered two of the older newborns in to train.
"Phil," I commanded, who was almost at his year mark, "put Humpty Dumpty together."
"Yes, sir," he agreed and then proceeded to do so, while I critiqued the two fighters.
Everyone had a chance in the pit and then I had them practice basic slow movements in pairs or threes on the desert floor. As soon as Peter had become assembled, he too had walked around helping guide them. The first moment when he was close to me I felt pain. For the first time, since he's revelation, it was clear in my mind that it was not mine. It was like my world became clearer and my burden lessened. And for the first time I was truly glad of the cost I had paid to keep Peter.
Peter caught my eye and then shook his head no. Assuming that he was referring to my appreciation and gladness, I once more conjuring the 'don't fuck with me' image and worked at projecting it physically and with this extra ability, imagining it like a fog that seeped into the atmosphere and the newborns couldn't help but inhale.
When we rewarded the newborns with down time, Peter came over, stood next to me, and talked about each soldier's strengths and weaknesses. Then, seemingly randomly, he told me, "The first thing you did was unsettling, but for only a few seconds. The second caused my body to want to freeze and lasted about 23 seconds. The third was hard to resist and caused me to get sloppy. It lingered within me until we were out of the pit. And whatever you did after my warning was a lesser version of what you had done after you drank that whole family."
"You sure you want to be my test subject?" I sneered in a condescending tone.
"Yes, sir," he answered, and then returned to the newborn report. Out of nowhere I felt content and grateful, so figured they were his. Saying nothing, in order to keep it from Maria, I recalled a moment of acceptance, and pushed it towards him. Then, as if in return, there was happiness and satisfaction. It was an odd way to communicate, but effective.
At the end of his report I told him, "Good. More training is on the menu," and then walked away assuming he would get my meaning.
Despite me being a quick study, Peter was often in pieces. Despite the cost he paid, he kept my secrets.
"Who?" Peter asked, once I stood next to him, knowing me so well that no explanation was needed.
"Laurent," I told him.
"Better you and me," he teased. "That tactic always sucked."
"Actually he blew," I retorted, hoping some misplaced humour would help. It didn't.
Charlotte was looking back and forth between us like we had lost our mind.
So, I gave them the low down.
"We should tell Bella something," Charlotte insisted.
"I'll leave that up to you," I told them.
"How can we help?" Peter asked.
Sending him my disbelief, I told him, "Alice said me being in Bella's room would help."
Charlotte and him nodded their agreement, so the three of us climbed into her room via the window. I sat in the rocking chair, while they each stood on one side of her bed.
"I offered Edward my blessing to pursue Alice romantically," I informed them.
Neither said anything for a while. I had spoken to both of them about the idea of it previously, so there was nothing to be surprised about.
A few hours later Charlotte asked, "How are you feeling about it?"
After a quick evaluation of myself, I reported, "Sad at losing what we had, angry at myself for not recognising what we had until now, resigned to the cost I am paying, and grateful for the years we shared as well as what the future holds."
"You're not giving a report," she chastised.
"They're not helpful," I rebutted. "The decision is made."
"Now you sound like Alice," she huffed. "And the feelings are helpful. They tell you that Alice means a great deal to you, that losing her breaks your heart, and that you long to stay with her."
"See, not helpful," I teased.
"You might not believe in love, Jasper," Charlotte stated softly, "but what better evidence do you have than your own feelings in this moment that you love her?"
"Maybe I just got used to her," I rejoined in a teasing tone.
"Don't go all Major on me," she retorted with irritation being emitted. "Feelings don't lie, and they tell you that you don't want to give Edward a chance with your girl."
"Possibly," I agreed with forlorn tone, "but the reality is that what I did to her changed her feelings enough. I counted the cost when I did it. I might be cut up about it, but I've suffered far worse. As long as she lives there's no predicting what the future holds, not even Alice has that skill."
"Your feelings aren't newborns for you to wrestle into submission," Charlotte admonished.
Shrugging, as there was no point in starting a disagreement, silence enveloped us for some time.
It was broken by Charlotte, uttering, "It's a little scary that what you did altered her to such a degree that it's even a possibility."
"You already knew this about me," I pointed out.
"Knowing and seeing it play out are two different things," she rebutted.
"Fair," I allowed.
"Yeah, yeah, we all know what a scary motherfucker he is," Peter joshed.
"Alice requested to pass her claim of Bella to me," I muttered, sending them my ire, so they would know my displeasure about this turn of events.
"I will take it, if you want," Charlotte offered.
After a moment I told them, "I don't understand Alice and her reasons, but usually they are meant for good. On top of that, me not passing on the claim was her condition. Whether I take it or not, I'd rather you change her anyway."
It hadn't been a formal decision, so it was doubtful Alice would have seen. Alice had never changed a newborn and didn't understand the implications. In this case, I trusted my past more than what Alice's ability told her.
Charlotte was shocked and scared.
"Peter can pull you off and I can help with the bloodlust," I explained.
"Girl for girl?" Peter confirmed.
"Bella presents as sexually preferring males, it would make sure the waters don't get more muddied. I disagreed with Maria on many issues, but when she made that decision that was not one," I confirmed.
Peter said nothing, but radiated agreement and support.
Charlotte emitted confusion, but said nothing.
Turning towards her, I explained, "Newborns confuse their feelings generally, and especially lust. Bloodlust and carnal lust confusion before Maria made the rule meant that a lot of the newborns were looking for carnal release from their sire. When it was Maria, Lucy, and Nettie it caused too much infighting. Having the gender the human is usually not attracted to made the lines of sire clearer and reduced the chance of newborn imprinting."
Looking back between Peter and I, she finally uttered, "I'll take your word for it." Her awe, appreciation, and determination increasing, Charlotte told me, "Thank you for asking me. It would be an honour when the time comes."
Since she had made a decision, it was likely Alice had caught it, but I would hope not. If luck were on my side, she would be too distracted by James to notice something about Charlotte.
Sending Charlotte my acceptance and trust, I closed my eyes and focused on the three of them. Since our meditative exchange back in Seattle, Peter and Charlotte were easier for me to read, by my ability they seemed more connected, more intertwined, and Charlotte seemed more content. Choosing to direct my attention to the bond between Charlotte, Bella, and Peter, it was like a lullaby. The emotions were smooth and easy, with soft tones filled with care, concern, and a tender grasping, even if Bella's part was more sluggish. The sun was close to rising when I opened my eyes.
"Better?" Peter whispered.
"I need release," I answered sadly, sending them my regret, and then assurance with the words, "I can take care of it myself."
Charlotte looked at Peter beseechingly and he nodded.
"I'll help," she offered.
Looking between them, I was grateful but surprised.
"Are you sure?" I checked.
"I wouldn't offer otherwise," she assured me.
"It won't be the same as when you offered a consensual exchange," I warned her.
"I didn't understand before what I was really offering or getting myself into. I am not that young anymore." Charlotte said. "Peter has explained, and we've talked it through, but I suspect that experiencing it will help me tremendously." Then, after a brief pause told me, "If you'd rather Peter, that's okay with me. You did what was necessary to keep Bella from harm. I am grateful and am offering."
Gazing deeply into Peter's eyes, I told him, "Up to you. It will change things. You remember. I never wanted to impose. Even when I didn't understand the changing feelings within you. Even when I was jealous. Never once did I want anything more than to enjoy being in the presence of what you two have. I might not believe in the mating bullshit propaganda from the Volturi, but that doesn't mean what you two have isn't worth me protecting. It was worth it then. It's worth it even more now. I would never, Peter, never."
"I know," he replied, his eyes moist as he sent me his understanding, appreciation, and care. "I will not pull that gendered crap on her, even if the Volturi say I can. It is her choice."
Looking at Charlotte, I knew that an explanation of what she would be getting herself into was in order. "As I sit here, I am able to immerse myself into the feelings of you three individually, as well as the connections shared. When I use my ability for war tactics, part of what I give and take sits within me. The feelings in this room are like sucking the venom out of a bite. Still, the wound does not completely close. Peter, mostly, figured out that if I didn't do something to counteract this, it would build, eventually resulting in me lashing out, and doing something I regretted.
"I didn't want to be that kind of man, so we figured out that sexual release was the best way to discharge what lingered. Otherwise, I would have a rage-filled session where everything within arms length died a brutal long-suffering death. It's like a reset for me, restorative in a way you could say, but while it's occurring I am not in control of myself. For it to work, it is like I lose conscious thought and do nothing but feel, immersing myself in my ability. Many a time it was brutal on Peter. I don't expect it to be bad this time, as I'm already fairly centred and calm. However, we learned the hard way that Peter got much less injured if he submitted completely. Him taking care of me in this manner changed our connection. It will likely change ours."
"I am still offering," she uttered her tone slightly more unsure. Then, looking at me she asked, "Will it change how I feel about Peter?"
I looked at Peter for the answer.
"Shouldn't think so," Peter replied.
"Can you handle this?" I asked Peter.
"I was hoping you would allow me to be in her while she gave you a BJ. I won't move, just be joined with her," he told me.
"We should intertwine our hands and place them on her head," I added after a moment's thought assessing what I needed, what they were offering, and how to best protect their connection. Then, after a minute asked, "And the human?"
"Will get a surprise upon her waking," Peter teased.
"She'll be fine," Charlotte added with a tuff. "She should still sleep for another two to three hours."
As Charlotte walked towards me, she placed a thick blanket over the window. Her desire to not be overseen by peering eyes, however unlikely, was understandable. When she got in front of me she kneeled, put her hands palms down on my knees, and shifted her neck open on the right side indicating her submission while her emotions matched. She held a bit of nervousness, but that was expected, as neither of us really knew how this would go.
"Thank you," I told them both while flooding the room with my gratitude.
Charlotte moved her pants along with her drawers down to her knees, pushed out her butt to give Peter access, and then leaned in and undid my fly.
Peter placed his hands on top of her head. I, then, placed mine on top of his, my skin touching his and her skull.
Their emotional landscapes tumbled into me. As usual, Peter's was like sitting next to a creek with a light breeze. Charlotte's were a bit like being at sea on a day with a gentle breeze. Trying to focus on Peter's, while allowing myself to let go of my control was challenging.
Pulling me out, she began licking my tip while using her hand to massage the shaft.
Closing my eyes, I focused on their connection and the feelings they shared with each other and what they were sending to me, while I willed my body to relax and allow her to help me. Her hand was bigger than Alice's, as was her mouth and tongue. After so many years of only being with one woman, it was a strange difference.
She didn't know my body like Peter or Alice, so it wasn't as smooth or easy going. In passing, Peter had mentioned once that on his end it was like dipping a toe into complete desolation. Alice had never said one way or another. Charlotte seemed to draw her strength from Peter and worked through when she faltered momentarily.
It took a while for these thoughts to bleed away, but as they did, her actions and feelings combined with Peter's feelings of absolute bliss and contentment surrounded me. Riding the waves of their feelings for me and each other was divine.
When I came, and thus became mentally alert once more, Peter and Charlotte came, while Bella moaned in her sleep, as did her father and another human in the closest house. We all started to giggle, trying to keep our volume below a human hearing level, while Charlotte did me up, Peter removed himself, and she put her clothes back on.
Pulling Charlotte into my lap, she laid her head on my shoulder, and Peter went down onto his knees, so that his head was on her lap. Her hand rested on his head, and I placed my hand on hers in a way that allowed me to also touch Peter. Their feelings entering me were overwhelming, but in a good way, as they were mostly calm and peaceful. It was odd that helping me had calmed Charlotte. It was a pleasant surprising gift. I shared my thanks with them both, while using my ability to confirm that what had transpired hadn't harmed them or their connection.
Wanting her to assess herself, I asked Charlotte after a few minutes, "How are you?"
"Strange," she answered. "It is like I went on a quest and slew dragons. It seems impossible, but I feel tired."
"Feel any differently about Peter or me?" I checked.
She paused and then said, "Pete, no. You, I feel more sympathetic and a little like I'm a handmaiden for a lady." Then, she shrugged. "Best I can explain."
Peter looked into her eyes. "Yes, a squire. That's it exactly! Yes, it's a sex act, but it doesn't feel sexual. Strange, but true."
"You two really are the best," I told them.
"Alice?" Charlotte asked as if just remembering that would have been an option.
Sighing I told them, "I promised Edward to stop any sexual acts with her."
"God save them both," Peter muttered.
Charlotte chuckled.
"Well a snugglefest," Bella mumbled sounding drowsy, "Can I join?"
"Of course," Charlotte answered, moving slightly, so that Bella could sit on her lap. Then, Peter laid his head back down and Charlotte ran her left hand through my hair and her right through Peter's while Bella ran her right hand through mine and her left through Peters. My right was in Charlotte's hair and my left in Bella's, while Peter closed his eyes, a hand on each of their thighs.
The feelings of them combined were absolute delight and joy and bliss together. Bella started to squirm probably due to needing to pee, ending the moment. By the time she was finished and in her room once more, we were back in the forest with her room exactly how it had been when she had fallen asleep.
"It felt so real," she muttered under her breath.
The three of us looked at each other seemingly all aware of the significance, but hesitant to give it voice.
Then, Peter blurted out, "She needs to lose her virginity. She's too naïve and ignorant."
He and I turned to Charlotte who stared back at us tongue-tied. Eventually she mumbled, "Most guys find that kind of thing attractive and a turn on."
"Because they have pencil dicks and don't know how to use them properly," Peter ranted. "If you keep a girl ignorant, then he seems like a stud. We don't get pregnant, and it's not like we have STDs. None of the excuses apply to vampires. But fuck me if I'm going to raise some girl who think the first lay she gets is amazing. That's just asking for trouble."
"But she does have to worry about that stuff," Charlotte pointed out. "She is human. She cares about her body and her heart. Nothing wrong with that," she defended.
Peter looked at me as if hoping I had some smart comeback, which I didn't. What Charlotte pointed out made Bella a sweet girl who was choosy. Nothing wrong with that in my book.
"Then you break her in," Peter told Charlotte.
Charlotte looked at him like he had lost his mind. Finally when her seething was down to an ire level she told him, "She's not a horse."
"We keep her like a pet," he refuted.
Charlotte immediately looked devastated and turned to me, "Is that what we're doing?"
"We don't feed and water her, so I'm going with no," I answered, sending her assurance.
Peter huffed. "That's not how I meant it." Then, taking her hand, he explained, "It's how our world works: the first vampire to see a human claims that human, a meal, a pet, it doesn't matter. She's definitely off the menu, and you live with her, so even though it doesn't fit most vampire's treatment of their pets, there isn't a better category in our world. James sees Bella as Alice's pet, which is why he's targeting her."
Charlotte laid her head on his chest. "She is human, but that doesn't make her life worth less than ours."
"You're beginning to sound like Carlisle," I teased her.
"Humans are meals or pets until turned, Charlotte," Peter refuted. "Loving a pet and treating it well, letting it live its best life doesn't make it less of a pet. She is not our equal."
After a long time she whispered, "Yeah, I know. You're right. She's not, but she's also rare."
"The rarest pet only increases its value to its owner and others," Peter stated softly as if trying to soften the blow.
"The Cullens refuse the category of pet for humans, claiming that it does not apply, because the word pet suggests that the cared-for species cannot attain the status of the caring-for species, which is not the case here. Carlisle, evidently, argued with Aro when he lived with them that the term should be curator," I added.
Peter's eyes bugged and Charlotte turned in his arms, so that she was looking at me.
"If you're the curator, then what is she?" Charlotte asked.
"Ward," I answered, then added, "Actually the words Carlisle argued for were in Latin, as our laws are in Latin, but those are the closest translations."
Peter eyed me critically. "Never thought I'd have a reason to agree with Carlisle."
Then, Charlotte kissed his cheek. "Ward, I like it."
Peter pouted pretending to be a sour loser, "Fine then, our ward needs to lose her naïvety and sexual innocence."
Looking at Charlotte, I told her earnestly, "I agree with Peter. Women who had sexual encounters prior to becoming a vampire, even if the experiences were horrible ones, fared better as newborns. For many reasons I do not want to describe, I cannot do this. And none of the Cullens will, as they're stuck on their puritan Christian beliefs. I can help with the conversation, explain things, be in the room, help with the emotions, but that's as far as I can go."
We looked at Peter.
"I'm not sticking my precious peter into some warm gooey soft breakable hole," he insisted, but his emotions suggested that he might be willing.
She frowned and then said, "I'll think about it."
It hadn't been more than a week since I had given Edward my blessing when the family's discomfort, suspicion, and pity had risen to uncomfortable levels.
Looking over to Edward I asked him, Do we need to say something?
He mouthed back "Probably."
Unfortunately Alice hadn't even opened her eyes, even though we had made a decision. My assumption was that she continued to focus on what her ability could tell us about James.
When Carlisle got home, Edward spoke, "Jasper, Alice, and I would like to speak to the family."
They came into the living room, the police receiver in the background.
Edward was determined, so I said nothing allowing him to lead, perceiving that he needed to do this out of his sense of honour.
"As you know Alice has been leaning on me more, initially in order to assist her with her visions. Things between Alice and Jasper have changed. I spoke with Jasper and he agreed for me to court Alice. Alice and I are just beginning to explore the possibility of being more than friends, but there is nothing untoward happening. I am grateful for Jasper's blessing, even if I don't fully understand his reasoning."
Everyone's eyes, bar Edward and Alice, turned to me.
"I have," I corroborated.
They all emitted shock and confusion.
Finally it was Esme who broke the silence, "But you and Alice were happy together."
"We were," I confirmed. "If Edward can make her happy and it pleases him, then I am happy for them."
"And Alice is choosing this," Rosalie checked her emotions swirling.
"Of course," Edward answered affronted.
They all shook their heads like our declaration was messing with their belief systems, which it probably was. Like I had said, people don't like their mythologies messed with.
Eventually it was Carlisle who spoke, "Well, we all want happiness for each of you. If the three of you are satisfied with the state of things, then we will support you."
"Thanks, Carlisle," Edward stated with a grin.
Not once had Alice altered from her vigil.
Emmett just kept looking at the three of us and eventually walked out of the room shaking his head, saying nothing, taking Rosalie with him who was frowning and sad.
"You will stay with the family?" Carlisle requested.
"Who knows what the future holds," I answered, "but I have no intent to leave. However, there is Peter and Charlotte to consider. I shall have to ensure they are well, as I am Peter's maker and their coven leader."
Carlisle nodded knowingly and then added, "They are no longer newborns. There shouldn't be any problems or questions raised."
Aware that he was speaking about concerns from Italy, rather than my moral obligations, I agreed with him, while pointing out, "But Peter has not requested separation," and then added, "Therefore, I cannot make a firm decision at this point without speaking with them, which would be after James' is dealt with."
"Naturally," Carlisle agreed. "I wouldn't expect less of you."
A few weeks later while running patrol I came across three of the Quiluetes patrolling their own lands.