17. Coming home from / waiting for the other after a long journey
It had been a long night, and Remus was almost too tired to search out the compartment. Almost. But without even thinking, his feet led him in the direction of the compartment he had shared with his best friends every year for seven years. He stored his case in the rack above and gratefully sagged onto the worn bench, leaning his pounding head on the cool glass window. If he closed his eyes he could pretend he was seventeen again, and was simply waiting for his friends to join him in their compartment. Ghosts of his past danced through his mind as Remus succumbed to the bone aching weariness that followed a full moon.
"Hurry up!" James shouted as he hustled Remus towards the prefect's compartment. "I don't want to be late! I can't start my first day as head boy showing up late to the meeting!"
"I don't know what you're so worried about," said Remus with a slight roll of his eyes at his over-eager friend, "You and Lily mended fences last year. The two of you were downright chummy by the end of term."
"I'm just committed to my duties as Head Boy."
"Oh, please," Remus scoffed, "you just want to see Lily and show off how tall you've gotten and how you've really filled out this summer," he said, putting on a falsetto to mimic the witches who had been absolutely fawning all over James. His friend said nothing, but a telltale blush crept up his neck.
They hustled towards the prefects' compartment, James pushing past students in his haste, and Remus muttering a quick apology for his one track minded– and usually polite– friend. The Hogwarts Express let out a long whistle indicating its departure, and started with a lurch. James' quick pace timed with the sudden start of the train sent him knocking into the witch in front of him– both now sprawled on the floor.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" James apologized to the witch he now lay atop of. "Evans?" his tone was mystified as he stared down at her.
"Potter?" Lily returned with equal reverence.
The two continued to simply stare at each other, laying sprawled on the ground, and blocking off the corridor. Remus cleared his throat loudly, finally managing to catch their attention. Startled, James jumped to his feet and offered a hand to help up Lily. She took it, and he pulled her to her feet– neither breaking eye contact for the entirety of the interaction.
"How was your summer? How have you been?" James asked.
"It was good. Uhm, how are you?" Lily replied, still looking like she'd been stunned.
"Good. Better now." his friend replied with a wink and roguish grin that usually would have earned him an eye roll. But Remus didn't miss the way she blushed at the comment, nor did he miss how her eyes raked over James' new physique from head to toe, then back up again. The two stood there, staring at each other like they'd never seen the other before.
Remus coughed again, to remind them of their growing audience. His two friends startled, and glanced over at him– Lily offering a sheepish grin, and James one of pure elation.
"Come on, partner," James said, offering out his elbow, "If I'm not mistaken, we have a group of prefects to whip into shape." Lily took his elbow and allowed him to escort her the rest of the way to the prefects' carriage– a shy smile plastered on her face as she gazed up at him.
"Professor R. J. Lupin." A voice drew him from his slumber.
"You know everything. How is it that she knows everything?" a bewildered male voice spoke.
"It's on his suitcase, Ronald," the exasperated female voice from before replied.
Remus settled in, and let their familiar bickering lull him back to sleep.
"You're all uptight. You never break the rules, Evans," James teased, his voice slurring slightly.
They all sat in a loose circle in the common room: he, James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Marlene, and Mary– empty bottles of firewhiskey littering the space. Remus smiled fondly at the two as they continued to dance around each other– spouting the 'we're just friends' line, but unable to keep their eyes off of one another.
"I am not! I just am better at not getting caught," Lily informed him, with a sly wink.
"Are too," James taunted, leaning forwards.
"Am not!" Lily retorted, her eyes glassy and unfocussed.
"You totally are!" James continued to goad her, "You're a total rule follower. When have you ever done anything unexpected or spontaneous?"
Lily paused for a moment, as if debating with herself, before she lunged forwards, grabbing James by the face and soundly kissing him.
"How's that for unexpected!" she announced proudly, pulling away– her face sporting a rosy blush that Remus would wager wasn't solely from the firewhiskey consumed.
"I–" James gaped at her. Remus couldn't contain his laughter at his friend, who always had something to say, struck speechless. Failing to find words, James reached across to grab Lily by the hand. With a firm tug, he pulled her from her seat across the circle and into his lap– and proceeded to snog her soundly to the riotous, drunken cheers of their friends. Soon, Lily pulled away and hopped off James' lap, with furiously blushing cheeks that nearly matched her hair.
"I'm going to bed," she announced, walking over towards the dormitory stairs. "You coming?" she called over her shoulder to James– who was at her side in an instant, his face almost disbelieving. Remus watched as she grabbed him by the hand, leading him up the stairs to the boys' dormitory. Their friends cheered louder, and laughed at James' awestruck expression.
A bone deep sense of despair and drop in temperature pulled Remus from his dreams of times long gone by, and he sat up with a start. He was colder than he'd ever been, and he couldn't shake the heart wrenching loss he felt as he woke to the reality of their absence. A boy screamed, and Remus shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "Expecto Patronum" he cast, calling upon the recent dream of his friends all together and deliriously happy. A silvery wolf sprang from the end of his wand, chasing back the dementors, and he didn't release the charm until he felt the dementors leave the train.
"What happened?" a boy spoke. "Where's that thing? Who screamed?" The voice was foreign, yet so familiar Remus almost pinched himself to make sure he wasn't still dreaming. He glanced over to the boy who had fainted. His breath caught in his throat and his chest ached at the sight of the boy that could've been James. He knew without a doubt that this was Harry, Lily and James' son. He was the exact spitting image of his father, but had Lily's striking green eyes. He turned away, his eyes welling at the feeling of having found something important and yet accompanied by the immeasurable loss of the circumstances that forced them to meet this way. He reached for his bag, pulling out a large bar of chocolate and breaking apart pieces to hand to the three children sharing the compartment with him.
"Here," he said, handing James' son– Harry– a large piece of chocolate. "Eat it. It'll help."
"What was that thing?" Harry asked, his voice inquisitive and bold like his parents before him.
"A dementor," Remus replied, handing out chocolate to the rest of the shell-shocked children. "One of the dementors of Azkaban." They said nothing, only stared at him in confusion– still all surely reeling from their encounter with one at such a young age. He met Harry's eyes. Lily's eyes. His eyes had a haunted quality to them. Eyes that had seen and lost so much for one so young.
"Eat," he ordered Harry and the other children again, "It'll help." He stood, needing to escape his ghosts– the living incarnation of two of his closest friends, orphaned by the actions of his other friend. "I need to speak to the driver, excuse me." He stepped around Harry–all wild hair and knobbly knees, just as his father had been at that age– and down the corridor. He took a deep breath, steeling himself to reconcile the ghosts of his past with the present of the now.
When he returned to the compartment, he found the children gathered together discussing their reactions to the dementor's presence. With a frown, he noted that Harry still hadn't eaten the chocolate and was looking a bit peaky. "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know…" he told Harry gently, and watched as the boy took a small bite– looking instantly better.
"We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes," he informed the children. A few returned to other compartments, and the three sharing his settled back into their seats. "Are you alright, Harry?" he asked James and Lily's boy in a low voice.
"Fine," Harry responded, clearly embarrassed by his reaction to the dementors. Remus wanted to comfort him. To reach out and pull him into a hug, and reassure him that it would all be okay. But he couldn't. Harry didn't know him. He was a veritable stranger to the boy– and if the thought of that didn't break his heart a bit.
They lapsed back into silence, and Remus found himself beckoned by the ghosts of his past once more as he gazed across the compartment at Harry.
"Oh, he's absolutely perfect," Remus cooed down at the little bundle he now cradled in his arms. "Congratulations, you two. Have you settled on a name?"
"We thought about Fleamont, for my dad" James said, and grief clouded his eyes briefly before his friend looked back at his wife and newborn son– all sadness chased away by all-consuming love. "But we didn't want to traumatize the poor boy before he's even had a chance. And Lil liked the idea of a family name. And you know my grandfather, Henry..."
"Harry," Lily interrupted James' rambling explanation, "We've decided on Harry."
"Harry James Potter," James said, unable to keep the pride out of his voice, even as his eyes brimmed with happy tears. Remus and Lily shared an affectionate eye-roll, and Lily reached over to grasp her husband's hand, giving it a squeeze.
Remus shifted the little bundle in his arms, and you would've thought he'd tossed the baby in the air for James' reaction. Still with seeker-quick reflexes, he sprang from his relaxed position by Lily's side, snatching his son out of Remus' grasp.
"I wasn't going to drop him," Remus chided, and Lily giggled from the bed. James blushed, and handed Harry back over– but kept a watchful eye on his son. Remus almost wanted to laugh, if the paternal reaction hadn't warmed his heart so. James, who was known to be impatient and impulsive, and occasionally irresponsible. James, who tended to act first and think of the consequences second. James, who once flew around the quidditch pitch hanging upside down by his knees, was going to be the most overprotective father ever was. And Remus knew then and there– I won't let anything happen to Harry, I would die before he ever let anything happen to Harry.
The Hogwarts Express drew to a stop at the Hogsmeade station. As he watched Harry and his friends collecting their belongings and making their way to the carriages, he recalled the silent promise he'd made thirteen years ago. "Don't worry, Prongs. I won't let anything happen to your son," he whispered to the still night air. And he might've imagined it, but Remus could've sworn he felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder– a warmth he hadn't experienced for more than a decade that made his chest ache. "Don't worry, he's finally home."