Two uploads in one day? What a miracle!
Realistically I just happened to finish this chapter today, and decided to throw up to give you a bit more to chew over.
Enjoy!
Chapter song: "There, There" by Radiohead
Jasper's POV
I was only two months into this new diet of mine. Animal blood, in lieu of human. Peter and Charlotte were supportive from the beginning, not that they had any choice in the matter, but their encouragement meant the world to me. The truth is that I was tired. Tired of killing humans for blood, tired of feeling every single moment of their death in my arms - every single emotion they went through, and tired of feeling my own guilt after.
Peter was the one who initially brought up the "vegetarian" alternative one night - the last night I drank from a human. He must have felt the remorse pouring from me when I returned to the seedy motel we'd been staying at. I hadn't even been through the door five whole minutes when he spoke.
"You know, Major... there is another way." My head snapped up to meet his gaze. I'd been zoning out in a chair in the corner, staring at the floor.
"What? What are you talking about?" I felt my eyebrows furrow some, my confusion evident.
"Our diet. I don't need you to project your emotions to know you feel like shit." He tried in vain to suppress his laughter. I could feel the guilt rippling off him after it slipped through, though I paid it no mind.
"What do you mean another way?" My curiosity was piqued, nearly tangible without projection. I waited patiently for him to continue - as patiently as I could.
"I heard tell of a coven in Denali, Alaska who survive off the blood of animals alone." He paused a moment, likely to gauge my reaction to his initial statement. He was met with further confusion and curiosity. "Charlotte and I met one of our kind a few weeks back on a hunt. A man named Garrett. Said he was heading to Denali himself to try and join with the coven there."
"Animal blood?" I mulled the thought over for a while. Would it really work? Could it work if I tried? I'd been drinking human blood for more than a century. Could I make such a drastic change now? "I don't know, Pete. I've never even heard of such a thing. Are you certain this coven is even real?"
"I'm not a hundred percent on it, but that Garrett fellow seemed to be." He shrugged, one shoulder lifting in falling in a fraction of a second. "It can't hurt to try, right? You're a wreck every time you come home lately." His concern was plastered on his face.
I was silent for a time. He had a point, and I was growing desperate. Even when I lulled a human into a state of tranquility and calm I could still feel their underlying emotions - fear, regret, every single stage of grief... the acceptance part did little to placate my own contrition.
"Alright." My decision came quickly, once I'd thought it through. "I can't know unless I try. There's no harm in giving it a shot."
"I knew you'd say that." Peter smirked, moving with lightning speed to the closet. At a vampire's pace he began to pack his things, and Charlotte's. My confusion must have been evident, because he stopped long enough to speak again. "We're going to Washington."
"Wha-... Washington? Why?" I stood slowly, moving to grab my duffel bag. I'd been with Peter since our time in the Mexican coven - nearly as long as I'd been a vampire - and I knew that when he knew something, it was almost always sure to be. I didn't bother fighting him on it. Still, Washington? We'd been staying in Las Vegas for months. Easy to hunt stragglers and lost souls without anyone taking too much interest in the missing.
"I don't know." He chuckled, as he resumed gathering his things. We always traveled light, so it wasn't long before everything was sorted. "We just are."
"Of course you don't." I rolled my eyes, sending him a small taste of my annoyance. It was mostly playful. "Though I suppose there is an abundance of wildlife in Washington."
That was the end of our discussion. Charlotte returned an hour later, elated to find out about our upcoming move. It only took us a few days to get there, and we settled in easily. The change of pace was welcomed, and the serenity the forest offered did wonders for my transition. I'd managed to go two whole months without human blood, much to my own surprise. It never satisfied my thirst completely, but the taste was decent enough and the benefits outweighed the drawbacks.
It had been a week since my last meal - a couple of deer, and a bobcat I'd managed to catch off guard during it's own hunt. Running through the damp woods of Washington was always refreshing - a welcome change to stalking prey in alleyways and night clubs. I wasn't far from the little cabin we'd been staying at - a quaint little hideaway in the quiet woods of Beaver, Washington. I headed south when I started my hunt, eager to find something to sate my growing thirst.
I'd been running for about an hour, finally having caught the scent of a slumbering bear, when something stopped me dead in my tracks. The most intoxicating scent, sweet and floral - blooming lilac with dark undertones of pomegranate. The fragrant bouquet of ichor slammed into me, nearly rending me to my very core. My throat was enflamed immediately, nostrils greedily taking in the heady aroma. I was powerless then, a passenger to my bloodlust, as I set off at full speed toward the scent.
The logical part of my brain was in a full panic. I'd gone so long, and come so far without incident. Had Peter not felt this coming? He'd given me a few warnings before then, and I'd managed to avoid any trouble thus far. I begged my legs to stop pushing forward, tried to reason with my bloodlust, but it was all in vain. Nearer and nearer I drew to the culprit of this frenzy, helpless to stop myself. I could see light filtering in through the trees, as I headed toward what seemed to be some sort of clearing.
As I reached the timberline, my feet ground to a halt. All at once, I was assaulted with an array of sensations. The first of which was the powerful scent that had sent me into this frenzy. It was radiating from a woman, that much I could tell - the siren whose song was singing me to my shipwreck. I had never inhaled such an exhilarant and provocative temptation. I was torn away from the incense of her ambrosia before I could fully enjoy it, when a sledgehammer of pain drove itself into my chest. The deep inhale I'd taken of the sweet scent was ripped from my lungs, and I was razed entirely. Dropping to my knees, I barely had time to correct myself into a feral crouch before I was assaulted again with bitter woe.
My bloodlust was torn asunder, dividing and dissipating within milliseconds as the agony washed over me. My gaze landed on the culprit a moment later. A young woman knelt in the center of the rounded clearing, crumpled in on herself. A moment later, she let herself fall to her back, arms spread wide as her knees uncurled from beneath her. It took another fraction of a second before I heard her cries. Sad, strangled, sorrowful sobs that resembled the wails and whimpers of a wounded animal.
I had felt a great deal of pain in my long life - pain of my own, and pain of others - but nothing had prepared me for this. Whatever had done this to the poor girl was effecting her deeply at a primordial level. I could feel it for myself, without even trying. This ache was anchored in her very soul. I tried as hard as I could to separate from it - to put up a wall between the hurricane of rampaging emotions this girl had raging inside of her and myself. It did little to quell the onslaught, but it bought me just enough amnesty to try and sort some of it out.
Sorrow. Loneliness. Abandonment. A crushing pit without bottom. A blackhole consuming a star. A searing pain, centered at the chest, scorching and impetuous. An acrid taste of anxiety, fueled by a macabre sense of self loathing. A keening sadness. An ululating mourning moving like an ouroboros - eating it's own tail. Never-ending.
It was like walking through a pitch dark landscape, broken branches and crunching leaves threatening to trip me with every stumbling step. A muddy, and precarious mural that seemingly offered no quarter. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to organize it all - to wade through the tarpit of despair she was experiencing. It took everything I had in me to focus as I began to send her a steady stream of tranquility, and it took far longer than I had imagined for it to even begin to penetrate the veil of wretchedness around her.
I watched her nearly vacant eyes close, as she settled into stillness. My efforts had not been in vain, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it brought me great joy to have been able to calm the storm within her. She was quiet and calm - seemingly numb - and she stayed that way for a long while. I took the opportunity to observe her in detail as she lay. I had noted her eyes before she'd shut them - a deep mahogany brown that seemed to glitter even without the sunlight shining on them. Her skin was nearly porcelain, though still pink with the flush of life. Warm, nearly sable, chocolate hair fell around her, straightened by the rain. Even with the moisture I could tell it wanted to wave into faint curls. Full lips sat partially open, pump and pinkish.
Admittedly, she was beautiful - stark and ordinary and yet all the same otherworldly. I couldn't place her, couldn't seem to put her into a category. I'd been so consumed with my estimation of her, that I hadn't noticed as her eyes opened again. It was the return of her torturous emotions that alerted me to her rousing. I watched as she sat up, and felt myself freeze as her chocolate eyes found my gaze. Her confusion peppered over me, followed by her recognition. She knew what I was, but how? What shocked me even more was the decided lack of fear I felt from her. How could she possibly know? And furthermore, how could she be so comfortable with it?
Her cheeks flushed after a moment of looking me over - a natural response from a human regarding a vampire like myself. Part of our allure was our appearance, an animalistic draw to our perceived beauty. The innocent and uncontrollable act of blood rushing to her cheeks once again sent her delectable scent my way, and I had to force myself to hold back, twitching as I held myself still. Her human eyes likely couldn't register the motion. I had managed to contain myself, to my delight, though once again was tempted as I watched her push herself to stand.
"Do it." I waivered for a moment, as I heard her smooth alto whisper push toward me. Her voice was jarringly captivating.
"Please." I stood slowly, holding myself back from launching myself at her. My bloodlust didn't care that this woman was wounded and broken, but I did. Perhaps without reason, without any logic at all, I cared deeply. Why? I didn't have time to linger on it, so I pushed the thought away. There was a desperation in her tone, detectible even at the volume she spoke. I felt my eyebrows furrow, and my jaw set tightly. I knew what she meant without clarification. This human wanted me to end her life. She was serious about it too - I detected only honesty coming off of her. Being a living lie detector had it's advantages, though this particular occasion left me without satisfaction.
I stood stock-still, willing myself to cage the carnal lust for her blood that still ebbed at the corner of my senses. I wasn't going to give this woman her wish. Defiantly, she began to move toward me, as if to challenge my unspoken decision to spare her life. Tensing, I clenched my teeth tighter to lock my jaw into place. I felt helpless yet again, as her pain washed over me, crashing harder with each step she took. I was overcome with the desire to help, though I was entirely uncertain of how I could possibly help her. Surely I could ease her with my gift, but that wouldn't truly take the pain away.
I wanted to go to her, but could I really control myself? After serious and steady consideration, I decided that I could. I had to. As I took a cautious step forward, I felt something new pulse to life within me. A thrumming in the back of my mind that buzzed and hummed softly, like a quiet hymn. Lacrimosa. A pull, like a magnet in the center of my very soul. I wanted to rush to her side, to scoop her up and cradle her in my arms. I wanted to shield her from the world, take her away and hide her from the terrors that this life had a way of unleashing on the unwilling - even if I was one of those terrors.
"I'm giving you permission. I know what you are, and I don't care. Please..." I felt my chest sink, crushed by the weight of her words. Her desperation. Her pain. It was all so much, so sudden, and it pulled at every last thread of composure I'd maintained. I felt my face twist through a thousand different emotions, unable to hold the iron gate I'd had on my own emotions any longer. I damned myself for faltering instantly, as I watched her sink to her knees again, restraining another sob as her hands covered her mouth. I must have been projecting! Must have mirrored her pain back to her, tenfold it seemed, because she crumpled to the ground and began to scream.
"Please!" Her scream sliced my heart wide open, and I held myself still again as to not reach out for her. It was becoming more difficult by the second.
"JUST KILL ME ALREADY!" I stood frozen again, as she rocked back to her knees. My throat tightened as she started clawing at her thighs, giving up quickly as she resorted to hitting herself. I strangled my own soft cry as my composure broke again, flitting to her side without a second thought. I wasn't going to stand there and watch this poor girl tear herself apart any longer, especially not when every strike of her skin and ache in her chest sent a shockwave of horror through my own system. It was if her pain became my own, in a deeper way than even my gift could excuse. This was different somehow. I knew it was, but I had no words to explain it. It didn't matter.
My hand moved quickly to her cheek, fingers barely gracing her skin as I crouched before her. I willed myself to calmness, and began to send the feeling to her as well. It worked quickest with contact, though truthfully I just wanted to touch her. To be close to her. It was like instinct - like the pull of gravity between binary stars. As soon as I felt the slight warmth of her, I melted into it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I could never be too far from her again. Not without great discomfort. This feeling was cemented in place as her umber eyes met mine again. At this distance, I was nearly swallowed by them entirely.
I felt my hollow heart threaten to beat. The faintest flicker of movement, like the twitch of a bird's wing. Those perfect brown eyes gouged away at my basest animus, pouring into my soul like healing water after a deathly drought. I could nearly smell the petrichor coming from the graveyard that sat within my chest - the place that I thought surely was abandoned by time - as her eyes brought down a cleansing rain, washing away the rust that gathered on the tombstone of my heart. Why had she been so green? So lonely? Who could have hurt her this badly? Who left her here like this? This too did not matter. She would never suffer like that again - not while I was around to ensure it.
I wanted to tell her right then and there that I would never abandon her. That I'd be with her for the rest of her days. That the Devil himself would have to drag me straight to Hell to separate me from this human. My human. My angel, who unknowingly and entirely filled me with a new purpose in life. A sole purpose that I would die to fulfill. I made the decision then - right in that very moment. A snap decision, that would change the course of my life and hers, forever. I let the thickest layer of drowsiness pool at the pit of my stomach, curling and spiraling around like a serpent, before sending it to her.
"I'm not going to hurt you." I vowed to her, though she likely didn't realize then the absolute truth to my words. "You've been hurt enough." I wondered idly if the lump I felt in my throat had been there the whole time.
One, two, three. Three more blinks was all it took before she was out. I caught her in my arms as she fell forward, her scent swaddling me like a newborn child. To tell the truth, I wasn't sure how long I held her there. Looking down at my heaven-sent angel, I brushed her damp hair from her face. Had she been this beautiful before? Had she been so radiant? There was nothing plain, or ordinary about her, so how could I have estimated her as such?
These thoughts continued to spin around my head, like a thousand little thoughtful ballerinas, as I stood. It took nothing to pull her up with me, though I made sure I was as delicate as her fragile body was. I scooped her into my arms, cradling her to my chest closely. She was cold, and the rain had soaked so thoroughly through her clothes that I feared she may grow ill if I didn't get her home fast. I set off at a frantic pace, heading toward the cabin, taking great care not to jostle her too much on the way.
"Ah, finally. Took longer than I thought." Peter was at the door before I had the chance to open it, though likely I would have kicked it open if I had to. I shot him a questioning look, as I moved my human into the surprising warmth of the cabin. Peter had started a fire, and it flickered quietly as I laid the girl on the sofa.
"You knew?" I turned to him, speaking just loud enough for him to hear me.
"Of course I did." He snorted, moving to shut the door behind him. Charlotte pranced out from their bedroom with a change of clothes and a blanket. It seemed that everyone was in on the secret. Everyone but me.
"She's beautiful, Pete!" Charlotte's voice rang loudly, though after a sharp warning look from me, she offered me an apologetic glance. "What's her name?"
"I..." My brows furrowed deeply, the realization of what I'd just done setting in. "I don't know. I don't know anything about her."
"You will." Peter grinned, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. The humor was lost on me.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I growled, running a hand through my soaked hair. "What is going on, Peter?" I commanded.
"Woah, woaaah. Relax, Major! This is exactly how I knew it would happen, which means everything is going to be alright." He held up his hands in a placating gesture. It did little to calm me.
"What the fuck is going on, Pete? And why did I just... kidnap this woman without a second thought?"
"You want the long answer, or the short one?" He quirked a dark eyebrow my way, trying and failing to reign in a shit-eating grin.
"I want the truth." I folded my arms against my chest, my growing impatience doubling by the second. I still hadn't gotten to hunt, and my hunger was beginning to take a toll on me.
"She's your future, Jazz." His beaming smile did nothing to elate me.
"My what?" I must have looked as exasperated as I sounded, because Charlotte was covering her mouth to quiet furious giggles.
"You know... your everything. Your world. Your reason for being?" His hands waved around dramatically as he spoke, gesturing left and right.
"...Pardon?" I felt my chest stiffen. Surely, he couldn't mean... No! The idea alone was entirely ridiculous.
"She's your fucking mate, you dipshit." He was at my side, punching my arm in a fraction of a second. I was too dumbstruck to retaliate. My brain was too busy scrambling to catch up, frantically trying to sort through the information I'd just acquired and the events that had played out that lead me here. Everything, all at once made perfect sense, and absolutely no God damn sense at all.
My arms fell to my sides, as I glanced over to my mate. My perfect, sleeping, decidedly fucking human mate. "...Fuck."
And there it is! I'm sure no one saw that coming, right? RIGHT? Tee-hee.
I'll try to have the third chapter up in a decent amount of time. Until then! Be well. 3