Chapter 4 (A New Future)
Subaru exited the jewelers with an excited smile on his face. Given the recent advances in Rem and himselfs relationship, he felt now was the best time to make it official and marry Rem. It might make him happy enough to forget about how sad he really was.
After work Subaru went to the jewlers to get himself a low price engagement ring. When the ring was handed to him Subaru couldn't help but smile at the sight of it. He wished his parents could know about his ambitious move, but he tried not to think about his parents too much.
For him this was finally after much time a proud moment in his life, he just hoped Rem would accept. Subaru knew she would, recently she had been living out everyday with Subaru doing anything that came to mind. They lived out an entire lifetime in the span of only a single week.
Whatever the case both Subaru and Rem seemed to enjoy each other's company, and Subaru felt this was the right move to take.
It was growing late into the night and Subaru finally arrived home, he hoped Rem would still be awake so he could propose to her. He was very nervous and stood at the doorway preparing his words.
With a couple deep breaths in Subaru swung open the door and looked for Rem, he opened the door to their bedroom and found her asleep breathing in and out raspily.
Subaru let out a semit disappointed sigh, he was hoping to get the anxiety of her response to his marriage proposal out tonight, but now it looks like it will follow him through till the next morning.
He didn't mind it that much anyway, to him he still had at least tomorrow promised to him. Subaru walked over to the dresser and rolled out a drawer and took the ring out his pocket and placed it in the drawer.
With the ring hidden he walked over to bed and laid down and tried to doze off into the next day. The way Rem breathed was starting to become a concern to Subaru. Lately she had been coughing, sweating, and didn't look well overall.
Though everytime Subaru would bring it up Rem would instantly try and change the subject, always dismissing his worries saying she was fine. The longer he laid there listening to Rem breathed the more he grew concerned.
He decided that tomorrow morning he was forcing Rem to a doctor and would propose to her afterwards. The only question laid within if Rem would fight him on going to the doctor.
Regardless, that was all to take place tomorrow morning, and he needed to get some sleep. He found it hard to doze off with a mixture of excitement, anxiety, and guilt all swarmed through his body giving him this weird hybrid emotion that he never felt before.
Eventually he dozed off after an hour and a half of struggle and progressed to the next morning which he already knew would be either the best or worst day of his life.
The next day had arrived and Subaru awoke not to the sound of Rem breathing, but instead to the sound of the birds chirping outside. Opening his eyes he noticed the sky outside the window had much more brightness then it usually did when he woke up.
It wasn't the faint glow of the sun in the early morning, instead it was the bright sky of an approaching noon. He knew something was off. It was reaching noon and Subaru was not yet woken up by Rem for work. This isn't normal, Rem always woke him up.
He rolled over and saw Rem still laying next to him looking asleep. Something alarming immediately struck Subaru right in the ears, he didn't hear her breathe peacefully like she always did when she slept. Instead he just heard an eerie and uncomfortable silence of the room with the birds chirping outside as her body stood still like a rock.
Reaching his hand out he grabbed onto her shoulder intending to wake her, but upon setting a hand on her he immediately noticed her body was unusually cold. He shook her shoulder, but she didn't wake up.
"Rem…" Subaru called out.
He shook her shoulder again more aggressively this time, but again she didn't wake up. Subaru got out of bed and walked around to look over her. She looked like a dead body. Realization and panic was starting to consume Subaru.
"Rem! Wake up!" Subaru shouted as he continued to shake her shoulder but again to no avail.
Subaru was growing scared and felt tears trickle down his face thinking of the reality of Rem actually being dead. He was scared, and didn't know what to do. She wasn't waking up and wasn't breathing.
Running out of options Subaru picked up her cold body and went out the door intending on going to the doctors office as soon as humanly possible. There was nothing more he could have done at home. The only slimar of hope left in him was if the doctor could somehow find out what's wrong with her and help him.
He just prayed that the unthinkable didn't happen, and hoped beyond anything he was not left alone in Kararagi.
He hastily walked down the city with Rem in his arms with tears still trickling down his face. He was so scared and alone, he didn't want Rem to die, he didn't even want to believe it. People noticed Subaru crying with Rem in arms and felt very sorry for him. They knew what was happening by the look of Rem and the state of Subaru.
Subaru walked into Kararagi and immediately remembered that he didn't know where the doctor's office was located. He began to ask for directions to random strangers with desperation and a pleading tone in his voice with tears streaming down his face.
Someone eventually informed him on where to go and wished him luck. Subaru immediately dashed to the direction given to him. When he finally arrived on the street where the office was located he ran up and practically kicked the door open, nearly knocking it off its hinges.
The secretary at the front jumped at the sound of the door slamming open; she poked her head out to see Rem in Subarus arms. She knew by the recognizable blue hair that she was the same patient that visited the doctor's office a little over a week ago.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes! Rem isn't waking up! Please help me!" Subaru said.
The secretary reached over and rang the bell to call the doctor. The door to the doctor's office opened and the doctor poked his head out.
"Come in here sir" The doctor said.
Subaru practically rushed inside the office space. His heart felt like it was going to get ripped out of his chest, not by the witch, but by panic and anxiety.
"Is your friend here the patient today?"
"Yes obviously!" Subaru yelled out.
"Alright lay her down in that chair over there"
Subaru laid Rem down on the chair and collapsed onto the floor to catch his breath from all the running he had been doing while carrying Rem in his arms.
"So your friend isn't waking up? Is that the issue?" The doctor asked
"Yes! Clearly! Can you not tell!" Subaru said, shouting slightly.
"Calm down there friend lets see the problem here"
The doctor walked up to Rem, and immediately noticed she was the same girl that he had diagnosed with a terminal illness not too long ago. He reached over and placed his hand on her pulse. Feeling it dead cold and silent he let out a sorry and depressed sigh.
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but…. Your friend here is dead"
Hearing those words Subaru collapsed and face planted into the floor and began to sob in disbelief. He couldn't believe Rem had died so quickly, and without warning.
"What… She was breathing normally just yesterday. Now she's suddenly dead!?" Subaru said while he cried on the floor soaking it with his tears.
"Well your friend was really sick. She came in here not too long ago and I could tell she didn't have long left in her"
"Wait! She's been here before!"
"Yeah, came in a little over a week ago looking like all her life had been sucked clean out of her. I told her she was very sick, but she seemed pretty understanding and optimistic. Did she not tell you?"
"No! She did not tell me! She probably didn't want me to worry! What am I going to do now? I am completely hopeless!" Subaru said.
He didn't know Rem had actually gone to the doctor to get checked out. Every single time Subarru mentioned her ugly coughs she would always dismiss it, and told him not to worry. She did this every single time until she finally died. Not wanting Subaru to worry about her and add onto his already visible stress.
"I'm very sorry sir... Do you want us to bury her for you? I know it could be-"
"Fine, just take care of her for me!" Subaru shouted, interrupting the doctor. As he got up from the floor and walked out hastily.
While Subaru walked out of the doctors office out into the hallway. He got one last final glimpse of Rem in the doctor's chair. Never again was he to lay eyes on her. He didn't even have a picture of her.
Exiting the doctor's office meant exiting the world with Rem. He would no longer see Rem, not even her body. He didn't have Emilia either, he was alone. Never again would he see those two, they were now gone from his life and in the place of no return. The only existence of them left is in his memory, since everyone else he knew had died from his defeatist actions.
He walked home. That he now had all to himself. Subaru walked slowly while crying into his hands, not caring if anyone noticed or not, or thought anything of him.
When he arrived home he couldn't find it in him to open the door and see all the things Rem had placed around the house. It would just remind him of how lonely and depressed he was.
Even looking at the garden Rem created made him very sad. Rem loved the small garden and was the one that tended the flowers and plants daily.
Pushing past the pain of depression he opened the door and all the moments he spent with Rem in that home flashed before his eyes.
He collapsed onto the floor and began to sob for hours it seemed. It was only when he ran out of tears completely did he stand back up on his feet. He just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up and live in a made up dreamland with Rem.
Walking up to the bedroom door. He grabbed onto the door knob, but only stood there. Stopping himself dead in his tracks.
Going into the bedroom would mean looking at the Rems' wrinkled side of the bed left behind by her body before she died. That bedroom became the very place Rem lived out her final seconds of life, passing away in her sleep. The bed Subaru would lay on was Rem's death bed.
He would be able to smell her faint scent, and see some of her clothes in the laundry basket she had not yet sorted into the dresser.
What hurt him the most was having the engagement ring he got for her hidden in his dresser. He was planning on giving it to her today, but he was too late. Just his luck the day of his proposal the love in his life died. Nothing could be more unlucky than that. This had officially become the worst day of his life.
Subaru walked away from the bedroom door and walked to the guest room that would now serve as his permanent bedroom. He would never open the door to his now previous bedroom ever again. Choosing to let it be there untouched for years.
Entering into the guest bedroom, Subaru couldn't help but feel even more sad and depressed. Rem made sure this room was taken care of more than any other room.
Because this was the room that her beloved sister would be staying in when she visited. It was kept clean and tidy; not a single spec of dust was present anywhere.
It was then a giant atom bomb of truth hit Subaru right in the stomach. Rem had lived a lie for the remainder of her life, and it was all his fault. She spent all that time preparing a visit from her sister that would never come through. It was like staring into a brick wall.
He immediately stepped out of the guest bedroom unable to find the strength to sleep in there either. Only place left was the two couches in the living room. Subaru hated being in this house; every corner there was just sadness and depression waiting to pop in his mind.
Walking over tto the couch he chose one of them and laid his emotionally battered up body on the untouched couch that neither Rem or himself would sit on.
They both sat on the couch across from it. Smelling the couch's fabric, the smell of newly bought furniture flew into his nostrils.
Subaru laid there for hours refusing to move a muscle or do anything. He just laid there and thought of how much of a failure he really was. He basically ruined Rem's life and had her live a lie. Even though she lived in Karraraggi in peace and happiness, the truth of what she was living behind was too much to bear.
As noon passed by Subaru eventually got up and tried to think of something that would ease the pain he was going through.
Subaru wanted to kill himself not caring if he had return by death or not by this point. He just wanted to end his suffering of guilt and depression, but he knew he would just be dragged right back to laying next to Rem's cold body. What use would it do other than to make him go through more pain.
Sure he still had work to go to which he was hours late to attend, but he wasn't going to go, he quit trying. Whenever he would try he would just make things worse, so there was no point in going through with going to work and putting in effort to live out a life of misery as a coal miner.
The only reason he worked there to begin with was for Rem and make her happy. Now that she's gone Subaru had no reason to do anything anymore, he was basically a walking skeleton of emotions.
The only thing left for him to do was go to a bar and do things the old fashioned way. That was to try and drink his problems away. Maybe it actually worked. How could he know, he never tried it before.
Leaving his house he walked into a random bar on the streets. He walked up to the bartender with the most serious and depressed face of all time, still having tears trickle down his face.
"What do you need?" The bartender asked, a little freaked out at Subarus' expression. Subaru then reached over and grabbed the bartender by the shirt and pulled him close to his face.
"The strongest drink you could ever imagine, and I mean strong," Subaru said. The bartender nodded in acknowledgement and Subaru let him go.
The bartender served Subaru his shot glass and walked off not wanting to be near him. Subaru picked up his drink, but he didn't drink it. He just continued to stand there feeling sad and hopeless having no one who loved him anymore. He regretted ever running off to Kararagi.
Wishing he just kept trying until he finally saved everyone. He thought that surely the white whale wouldn't be so big and scary after dying to it a hundred times over. He knew the pain he felt when he died would eventually become shallow and tolerable.
A random business man in the bar noticed Subarus sad expression and immediately knew what to do once he saw him.
"Now I know that face when I see it. I have seen it all across Luginica and Kararagi" The man said as he approached Subaru from across the bar to stand right next to him.
"What do you want?" Subaru asked in a tired tone, not turning to look at him.
"I don't want anything. You know friend there are plenty of other woman outhere" The man said.
"You don't understand. You never will. Rem was one in a billion. No, one in trillion. Someone that could never be ever replaced by anyone"
"Please friend. This world is a big one with many countries with a lot of people. Going to each unique kingdom practically feels like entering into a different world with the people you meet" The man said. Subaru let out a sigh.
"Oh, a different world. I can tell you about a different world alright" Subaru said.
Ram had finally arrived in Kararagi. It took her over a week of hitch hiking with random strangers. Some tried to seduce her, but she never let them take advantage of her.
She jumped off the carriage and thanked the kind elderly couple that brought her there. They both wished her luck on her journey to find her sister Rem.
Ram began wandering the streets of the city trying to find that same setting Rem was in. After a while of wandering around she still had no luck in finding her sister. She was starting to get lost, and didn't know where else to start looking. Kararagi was a pretty big city afterall.
She stepped aside and tried to connect to her sister's vision but oddly had no luck. Ram didn't know why she couldn't connect to her sister anymore. Her signal had completely vanished and was nowhere to be found. Ram wrote it down to being a lack of concentration from all the background noise.
The afternoon went by and dusk was approaching. Ram had yet to find her sister, and was starting to grow impatient. Her feet hurt from all the walking around she had been doing. Though she still searched on not willing to give up until she found her.
Ram began asking the locals to see if anyone had seen Rem. Her only disruption being her twin and having blue hair. She was quite noticeable after all.
"Excuse me, have you seen my sister? She looks like me but with blue hair, you would remember her" Ram asked a random elder.
"Sorry dear but I have not" The elder said.
Ram let out a sigh and took off down another street in search of her sister. While walking down the street a certain someone caught her eye in the window of a bar.
Subaru had lost all senses to the point he spent his time at the bar telling a group of three old looking dudes about his world. None of them believed him, and were always laughing hysterically, clearly finding it entertaining to hear him ramble a bunch of nonsense.
"In my world we have no need for dragon carriages. We have these things called cars" Subaru said. The group of three men began to laugh slightly.
"So, if you had these cars.. Then do people still run or walk anymore?" One of the men at the table asked with an amused look on his face holding back his laughter.
"Of course people still run, but for exercise, for fun," Subaru said.
"Run for fun!? What kind of fun is that?" One of the men said while laughing his lungs out.
"How many has he had?" Another man asked while pointing at Subaru.
"None. That's the first one and he hasn't even touched that yet. Just likes to hold it" The bartender said amused.
"Barusu is that you?" Ram asked, as she ran into the bar.
Hearing the familiar voice and nickname, Subaru nearly dropped his shot glass onto the floor. He turned his head and his eyes grew wide when he saw the pink hair covering Ram's face.
"Ram…." was the only thing Subaru could say.
He couldn't believe Ram had actually survived the attack on the mansion all along, and was actually alive this entire time. If only he had known.