Chapter 5 (Back In The Mud)
It wasn't possible Subaru thought to himself. All this time he had lived in Kararagi. He always thought that Ram had died with others at the Rosswal mansion at the hands of the witch's cult, but here she was standing in front of him.
All this time he had lived in guilt of the death of Rem's sister, but the truth was she wasn't dead instead she was alive and was out looking for them, or more realistically only one of them.
Subaru didn't know what to do, Rem was dead but Ram was alive. He couldn't believe what was happening. He felt tears form at the brink of his eyes, because he knew he had to be the one to tell Ram about the real whereabouts of her sister.
"Barusu, I finally found you. Wheres Rem at"
That question hit Subaru like a ton of bricks. He expected to hear that dreaded question.
"I…. I… Don't know..."
"What do you mean you don't know? Barusu…. Where's Rem?" Ram asked again in a more demanding tone.
"Just come with me, and… Well you'll see" Subaru said in a sad tone.
He left the bar with Ram following behind him, expecting him to bring her to Rem and reunite them. The three men at the bar got a bit disappointed to see Subaru go, he was after all providing them some much needed entertainment.
Ram followed Subaru down the streets of Kararagi. No words were exchanged between the two of them. Suubaru didn't tell her where they were going, or if he was even leading her to Rem. Instead he just opted to remain silent.
Ram also chose to remain silent and see where Subaru takes her. She was very confused when she saw Subaru stop by the doctors office, before he went inside he asked for Ram to wait until he came back out.
She gave him a worried nod, scared that something happened to her sister and that she was in critical care. Subaru noticed Ram's fear but didn't have any words that could comfort her, instead he had words to make her day much more worse.
Subaru went inside and asked the doctor if Rem had been buried. The doctor gave him a nod and said that she is in the nearby cemetery down and across the street. Subaru turned to go and went to go return with Ram and lead her to see her sister finally, but the doctor stopped him.
Subaru turned back around and he held out Rems' pink ribbon that she would always wear. The doctor thought that Subaru would like to keep it, for memories sake.
Taking the ribbon from the doctor's hand, Subaru held it as he exited back outside. Ram looked over to the entrance and saw Subaru walk out with Rems ribbon in his hand. It began to scare her when she didn't see Rem with him.
She only saw Rem's ribbon. She wanted to ask again where Rem was, but Subaru ordered that Ram start to follow him to another location. She did as such, but more fear and panic struck her once she saw that Subaru led her into a cemetery not far from the doctors office.
Ram followed Subaru through the graveyard, just praying not to see her own sister's grave and instead to see her sister in person. She was in denial, Rem couldn't have died. Rem looked fine just a week ago as she walked up on her own feet.
But the evidence was starting to tilt in favor of the reality that completely demolished Rams last pillar of hope and prosperity. If Subaru led her to the last piece of the puzzle, her life was officially ruined and destroyed.
The dramatic suspense was too much to bear and Ream began opening her mouth to ask the horrible and disgusting question of the reality she always wished to dismiss so quickly.
Before she could even start speaking and using her vocal cords. Subaru stopped in his tracks and turned to her. He stared at Ram for a couple seconds and saw the slight emotion of panic on her face.
He could only bring himself to just simply point to the grave they were standing in front of. Ram turned her head and looked at the grave.
There Ram read the simple name of Rem on the tombstone, and the answer of fear was confirmed and a horrible reality ascended that struck her right in the heart.
She didn't believe it at first and just stood there staring at the grave awaiting Subaru to deliver his punchline to this messed up joke of his, but the punchline never came. What followed next was Subaru breaking his composure and collapsing onto the grass and began to cry in front of Ram.
"I'm so sorry Ram!" Subaru cried out.
"So you are telling me that my sister's dead..." Ram said as she fell to her knees and began weeping into her hands.
"Yes… She got sick, and decided not to tell me! It wasn't like I could have done anything about it!" Subaru said.
"You're lying!" Ram cried out.
"No, I'm not lying Ram!"
"You have to be! How was she sick? I just saw her walking down the streets just a week ago, and now she's suddenly dead!"
"First off, how did you even see her walk down the streets of Kararagi? Why didn't you go up to her then?" Subaru asked.
"Just stop it Barsusu! Just stop! You useless moron! Are you not aware that I could tap into Rem's vision from afar! Didn't you already know this!" Ram shouted as she got up in Subaru's face.
Subau looked into Ram's eyes and saw flames of hatred and misery flaming in her pupils. He knew she was trying to pin the blame on him, since she was so hurt from the death of her sister.
"Oh right… I just forgot, alright! Take it easy! It wasn't either of our faults for the way things turned out!" Subaru said.
"Take it easy! My sisters dead, and you think you can just tell me to take it easy! You don't know Rem like I do!" Ram said.
Subaru suddenly bolted up from the ground and looked down at Ram wiping his tears from his face.
"No, Ram, you don't understand! You don't think I'm suffering too! I loved Rem, I gave her all I had!" Subaru said.
"Clearly not enough to save her!"
"It was not my fault!"
"Yes it was!" Ram said.
"No it wasn't! She just got sick, how is that my fault!?" Subaru said.
Ram did not respond and continued to cry into her hands unable to calm herself down. Her sister was dead and now she was stuck in a world without Rem or Rosswal, she didn't even have Emilia to go to. Instead she was stuck with Subaru who was the last person she wanted to be with.
"You know what I want to know, Barusu! Why didn't you just return to the mansion and be with your precious Emilia!" Ram asked
Subaru upon hearing Ram how he ended up in Kararagi. His lengthy chain of telling lies came undone, and he decided that now he was just going to tell the truth to what brought him here. He was done lying and never wanted to lie again for whatever the reason, and was not going to live in guilt any more.
"You want the truth. Fine then here's the truth! I came here with Rem, because I knew all about the attack on the mansion!" Subaru shouted out.
Ram's face froze as a look of confusion spread on her face. "You what…"
"Yeah that's right, you heard me correctly. I knew about the attack, and saw it as a lost cause. I couldn't stop them, so I took off with Rem by lying to her,"
"You lied to her!?"
"Yes, I did, and she believed me for the entirety of her life here. She thought she was going to see you again all alive and well, but she died before she had the chance to. In fact she died this morning. If only you had arrived a day earlier you could of seen her"
"So you're telling me you left me and Rosswal and Emilia to die after everything we have done for you."
"It was nothing like that Ram!"
"Then what was it like!?"
"I don't know! I wanted to save you guys but I knew if I were to go back to the mansion me and Rem would either die at the hands of the witch's cult or to the white whale!"
"How do you even know that! That's just you assuming things, you moron!"
Subaru hesitated in his response to Ram's statement "I….Listen!"
"You know, thinking back on that attack on the mansion. It just makes me sick to my stomach to know when I got stabbed with a sword. That there was a certain someone out there that could of have stopped it"
"You look fine to me!" Subaru said.
"Beatrice healed me you idiot!"
"She lived?"
"Yes and she is living in the sanctuary! She went there after the mansion burned down, after a certain idotic and useless coward decided to run away from his problems instead of deal with them" Ram said.
"It wasn't like that! I swear!" Subaru cried out.
"Yeah whatever! Just tell me, how you even knew that's exactly how things would play out"
Subaru collapsed to his knees and fell onto the ground again. He wanted to tell Ram everything, but he knew a certain someone was stopping him from telling her the truth completely.
"I can't!" Subaru cried out
"Why can't you!?" Ram asked.
"I just can't alright!" Subaru said.
"Are you collaborating with them or something?"
"No! Never!"
Ram did not believe Subaru and started to come up with her own dark theory as to why he knew about the attack "Barusu!"
Subaru knew she was looking to accuse him of working with them, and had to find a way to convince her somehow.
"I would never ever work with people like that! Why would you even accuse me of doing so!?"
"Then tell me how you know!"
"Fine! You wanna know! If you're out there just rip my heart out right now! But I can return by de-"
Time immediately froze and Subaru saw Ram stare at him with frozen tears on her face holding her furious and demanding facial expression. The witch went up to touch his heart reminding him that he cannot tell a soul, and time unfroze
Subaru felt the pain worse than that of a heart attack and began to scream out in pain as he rolled around on grass.
Ram just looked at him showing not even the slightest bit of sympathy or pity as he flopped like a fish in front of her. Ram saw his painful screams as he felt the pain sent her way when she found out about the death of her sister.
Subaru slammed his fist onto the ground in frustration, clearly his attempt came to no avail and the secret remained sealed. He just gave up entirely on trying to convince Ram about having no part of the witches cult
Surely once she killed him, he could try another strategy at convincing her, but now just seemed like a lost cause. With his death approaching at the hands of Ram. Subaru just stood up and extended his arms.
"Just kill me alright! Get it over with! I know you want to! Let it all out Ram!" Subaru shouted out.
Ram just stood there unsure of what to do with Subaru. She wanted to kill him, but clearly he was asking for it by the mad look in his eyes. He was welcoming death and asking her to put him out of his misery.
To the surprise of Subaru, Ram just began to slowly step away from him refusing to break eye contact. In a moment of extreme desperation Subaru crawled in front of Ram on the ground and clung onto her leg not wanting her to leave him alone.
"Please.. Ram I swear I was not the one who killed her!" Subaru said.
Ram kicked Subaru in the face using her other leg and Subaru let go and rolled on the ground as his face radiated with pain. She kicked him so hard Subaru could have sworn she knocked a tooth out.
Ram continued to shuffle away and finally turned her back on him and began to leave the graveyard. Leaving him to live alone in misery because of his actions.
"I'm sorry Ram, please don't leave me here!" Subaru cried out.
Ram was not listening to his cries and walked off eventually going out of Subaru's sight. Subaru began crying uncontrollably on the grass and felt something he had surprisingly never felt before.
Ever since he got transported to this magical world and away from home he had oddly never felt this emotion or desire. Most people would feel this emotion instantly, but for him it seemed to have just kicked in months after his initial arrival.
"I want to go home!" Subaru cried out in the empty graveyard. Not caring if anyone heard him or not.
Subaru was done living out his life in this fantasy world. He missed his parents, he missed his old life. All he wanted now was to be brought back to the place he came from and never look at this world of death and suffering again.
"Please witch! Just take me back home! I don't belong here!" Subaru pleaded out, hoping to get the attention of the magical teleportation being of the witch.
"I promise I will do better in school. I will fix my life there! Just bring me home please! Please I beg of you! I have done enough damage, just bring me home already!"
Subaru got up from the ground and closed his eyes and prayed in his mind that he would be sent right back to the front of that corner store. He wished to hear the cars go by and also pick up on the night time ambience of the city late at night.
Slowly opening his eyes Subaru noticed a shade of black. A celebration launched in his mind thinking his pleas were enough to have the witch take him back home and that he could now return to his parents.
But to his dismay he opened his eyes to see a crow fly away. Still being in the cemetery where Rem was laid to rest. Clearly his pathetic pleas and cries were not enough to gain the witches pity and kept him there to continue his life of suffering and agony.
He didn't know what to do. He was without anyone. Ram wanted nothing more to do with him and saw him as the reason behind Rem's death. Subaru just wanted to find a way to go back home and to never come back.
An idea suddenly appeared into his worn out mind. He could go to Beatrice who was still told to be alive and living in the sanctuary. She knew a lot about magic, and maybe could be the one to send him home.
Sure the chances were small, but as long as there was a chance he had to give it a shot. He was willing to do anything to go back home and to be with his parents and remove himself from the mad world he had done so much harm and damage to.
Subaru got onto a carriage and began to embark to the sanctuary in the hopes of getting himself to where he truly belonged and that was in the country of Japan on the planet earth.
No more magic, no more witches' cult, no more white whale, no more dragons, no more return by death, no more Lugnica, no more of anything this insane drug world had. Instead he would be going to the technological safe house that was his own home.
The carriage ride was silent. Subaru didn't want to talk. He was so sad and depressed and just wanted to go home and go to sleep in his own bed. Forgetting about everything he had done while in Lugnica. He had ruined Ram and Rems life, and was the reason behind Emilia and Rosswal's deaths.
Everything was going fine for them until he showed up and ruined everything with his selfish antics. He ruined so many lives, and he would never forgive himself for it. This was the most disgusting and unforgivable thing he had ever done in his life. Only having himself to blame for how things turned out.
Eventually Subaru arrived at the sanctuary and set out to find Beatrice. After asking the local he was directed to a home and he ran up to the door and opened it hastily. Not even having the courtesy to give a simple knock.
Beatrice looked up from her book to see the most troubled version of Subaru she had ever laid eyes on. The cheery and optimistic boy was now only an empty shell of his former self. Instead his personality was replaced by a soldier shocked by the horrors of war.
Before any introductions could be said Subaru walked up to Beatrice and grabbed her by the dress and pulled her close to him, staring at her with the most pleading look of desperation she had ever seen before.
"Beatrice you have to help me!" Subaru said. Completely ignoring the nickname he labeled her with. He was in no mood to play around even in the slightest.
"What do you want I suppose!" Beatrice said annoyed. She was a little freaked out from the look she was getting from Subaru. This was not like him, clearly something broke him to the point of no return.
"I don't belong here! This is going to sound crazy, but I come from a different world! You have to know some way to get me back! I miss my parents! I just want to go home!" Subaru said as he shed a couple tears thinking of how much he missed his old life.
"... Your not from here I suppose"
"Yes! That's what I said. I am from a different world! Please just believe me here!"
"I thought so, judging by your lack of knowledge about anything regarding this world. It would seem obvious to me or anybody close to you that you are not from here I suppose"
"Yes! That's exactly right, I come from a different world that is not here!" Subaru said.
"I see, and what do you want me to do exactly?"
"Get me out of here! I don't want to come back!"
"It's not that simple I suppose," Beatrice said. Subaru began to shake her in a fit of depression and panic.
"What do you mean it's not that simple!"
"I mean it's not that simple. You act like teleporting people to a different world is something easily performed by anyone" Beatrice said.
"Well you have to be able to do something! You're the only hope I have!"
"I could… Find your world and attempt to send you back, but it's going to take time" Beatrice said.
A smile grew on Subaru's face hearing Beatrice tell him that there was a way to bring him home and to get him back to his family.
"Really! How long!?" Subaru asked.
"Four years or more"
"Four years!?"
"It could be more I suppose"
"Are you joking with me right now!? Four years. Beatrice I do not have four years. I need to get out of here sooner than that!"
"Well that's how long it's going to be, so there is no point crying about it. That's how long it's going to take to deal with it" Beatrice said.
"Fine, just be quick ok!" Subaru said as he let her go and stormed out to return back to Kararagi, and await the four years until he could return home.
He now only had one goal in life, and that was to see his parents once more. His life in this world was over and done with.