Update will be late, because of job training, helping people move in, a banquet, and other mandatory events I must attend. The chapter needs slight tweaking... Really sorry!

Currently: I am forcing myself to trawl through lists of the absolute worst fics ever written in the history of the fandom in order to properly research my parody. I have literally cried over some of them. If you feel masochistic and actually want to read some, find a list here.

I am trying to keep the chapters short, because they are painful to read and even worse to write. I kept feeling like the first chapter should be more interesting, more pathetic, or more exaggerated, or something, but then I realized the overall pointless-ness was one of the more dreadful things about it. It's like reading a textbook, only worse. God, writing this is so depressing. Also I realized that I didn't have any capitalization errors, quotation errors, etc, which I should have had. I just can't write that poorly! Ack. I will need a beta to get it down to the proper level of horror, I'm afraid. Isn't that ironic?

I have been gone for three years, I know. Most of the people I know are now gone, or in other fandoms. However, a long time ago I promised AgiVega a fic, and I have written about 2000 pages trying to get it right. I am still working on it, but I think it's finally coming together, now that my life has settled down some. Perhaps this fall. Currently I am getting adjusted to college and being eaten alive by my novel, so my fics are feeling a little neglected. I may return to Various Methods of Antagonization in the meantime. If I can think of something new. I had other chapters written, but they were deleted, along with the rest of my work, three years ago, unfortunately.

Even though I haven't answered reviews and PMs, I still get them, and I want to say thank you to the people who trawl through old fics and find me. I really appreciate it.

Also, if you would like to incorporate something from one of my stories, you have permission, but please reference my story at the beginning :D. Also, if you want, send me a note to say you wrote a store based off one of my ideas, and I'll try to read it.

You can find me on messenger as [email protected] Feel free to add me. Please let me know who you are so I can keep track though. XD My LJ is a bit random, and I doubt I'm interesting enough that you'd care, but: not_da_chipmunk is my username. You won't get it unless you're an OA oldie. XD

IMPORTANT! ANON. REVIEWERS!

If you wish to send my anonymous reviews, particularly on completed stories, and if you ask me a question, or make a request, PLEASE include an email address so that I can easily get back to you. It is very frustrating when I would really like to answer a question, or get to know someone, and I have no way to contact them. I enjoy talking very much, and it's difficult for me to listen to someone else ask questions that I know the answers to, but can't answer. So please, give me a way to contact you if you make anonymous reviews.

From: THE ROSE

It's the heart afraid of waking,

That never learns to dance.

It's the heart afraid of breaking,

That never takes a chance.

It's the one who won't be taken,

Who cannot seem to give;

And the soul afraid on dyin',

That never learns to live.

- Betty Middler

Wisdom of Life - Quotable Quotes.

(stolen from Earthborne with official permission)

According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.
Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate.
Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense..
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Generally, generalizations are wrong.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over.
Whatever you are, be a good one.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
Belief gets in the way of learning.
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we percieve reality.
If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.
Cynics are made, not born.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Favorite Book: The whole Artemis Fowl series. They're the only books that have ever clicked with me.

However, I hated the fourth book. I was so angry with Colfer, I cried. He shouldn't of killed Julius, and Holly shouldn't have quit her job.

I also like Harry Potter, and someday I might write a fic, but I doubt it, because for some reason, I can't think of anything. Well, I thought of something, but I'm very busy with Artemis. Someday, my friends. And yes, I like Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars, though I haven't watched them for years.

Favorite Animated Character: Don't laugh you guys, it's TIGGER. He's so bouncy... :)

Favorite Author on FanFiction: AgiVega. Read her stories! She's a really good author, and she writes long chapters, with complicated plot and character. Besides being really nice.

The NUMBER ONE thing I HATE: People who were amazing writers, who suddenly disappear from fanfic for forever. That is so depressing. I mean, sure, a lot of people write, but some of them have a really special touch, and then... they just sort of disappear. Sometimes they leave stories unfinished... and... well, they never give us warning. Then, of course, we come across an idea, and we think: oh, that would be perfect for so-and-so! And then we remember that they're no longer on fanfic. Grrr! This is especially true since I came back and found all my old people cyber-dead. Its so depressing...

Pairings I like: (yes, I know, but I have to tell you anyway)

Artemis/Holly... I know it's technically impossible, but we can dream. If they're in the same Genus, they could technically probably even have children, you know.

Holly/Trouble... They are cute!

Juliet/Some mortal enemy... I think it's so sweet when people fall in love, even though they're supposed to hate each other. The Westside Story, for example. That made me cry. Hence, I wrote Hitting Hard, but now I realize it's rather juvenile. Maybe I will write a better one.

Julius/Vinyaya... I think they get along quite well, and it's always sweet when older people fall in love. Even if it's Julius. I think he's capable of it. Really.

Holly/Julius... It sounds odd, I know he's old, but if well done, it is cute. I promise.

Occasionally I run across a slash fic I appreciate for the quality of writing and good taste with which the pairing is made, however, I don't particularly ship any slash pairings.

P.S. In my opinion, The Spark is by far my best written long story, but Flame of the Gods is my favorite for Madame and action. Dead Dreams is the worst- written when I was younger, and when I first got the account I just wanted to post something. I suggest you read The Spark, or one of my oneshots. Various Methods of Antagonization is actually very funny. Laugh out loud funny. Or maybe I'm just sleep deprived.

I found the picture of Holly on deviantArt! It's the most gorgeous picture that was ever drawn of her, I swear! Holly

And... I found a picture that's exactly how I imagined Valerie! Except she's a little too slutty. But other than that. (from FG, after Zane dies) Valerie