Old News
A Ranma ½ Fanfiction by Zorknot
Chapter 2: Shampoo
Shampoo had pretty much settled into her hatred for Ranma. It was a curious thing at first. Did someone give her another reversal jewel? Was there some kind of wish granted by an artifact somewhere? Had she ingested the wrong set of poisons? Mithridatization was tricky business after all. But no. It was there pretty much exactly after the failed wedding.
She and Ukyo had succeeded in stopping the wedding from happening. Somehow it felt made her feel like a complete failure
Ukyo had gone back to her restaurant. She had her own business. A calling. She even had someone to love her.
The Cat Cafe was not that for Shampoo. That wasn't hers. It was the old hag's. And Mousse was there…
She had given it some thought after visiting with Ukyo and Konatsu over the months and watching as the Okonomiyaki chef slowly warmed to the cross dressing ninja. It would have been nice if Mousse could have been the same for Shampoo. He was there. He said he loved her. Sure it would go against Amazonian law and all that, but if it was truly love then why not?
But it wasn't love.
Shampoo could see Mousse the clearest when he didn't have his glasses on. When he would grab anything vaguely female looking and think it was her. She saw what he did when they protested. Which was nothing. He didn't listen. He didn't stop. He didn't give the slightest wit about what they wanted. What she wanted. He just wanted her. He didn't love her. He just wanted to win her.
It was the same with her and Ranma.
Ranma was her prize. Her holy grail. Even as every real reason for going after him was eaten away at the root, still she chased him like a grey hound chases a fake rabbit. Round and round an increasingly muddy track.
Shampoo first realized she hated Ranma when Akane called her. It was three or four months ago. It was raining and she was a cat. She could have tried harder to answer the phone, but it was Akane and she wasn't ordering anything. She listened to the message "Shampoo? Are you there? I just need to talk to somebody. It's Ranma...Of course it's Ranma...I just...Gods I can't stand it anymore. Can we fight? Or...something? You love him right? I think I do too, but...I hate how he makes me feel. Maybe it's me. I used to have friends. I guess I could talk to Yuka or Sakura. They don't get it though. They don't understand how he gives you just enough...and then he slaps you down. I was ready to marry him that day, you know? I was completely on board." There was a sob. "I was such a fool. I should have been right there with you, throwing bombs."
There was a long pause interspersed with gasps of wet breath.
"Shampoo? We're okay, okay? I...just wanted you to know that in case...in case I don't see you again. I mean who knows…" The time limit for the message cut Akane off. She seemed to be about to say "who knows what could happen?" The tone was a bit desperate, though. And the word "knows" sounded eerily like a scream.
Shampoo had been a cat, but she might not have picked up even if she was human. She was transfixed by the drama of it all. And she was halfway saying to herself "Good. Akane is weak. She'll drop the engagement and that will be one less obstacle." But later, when she listened again, the sentence "I should have been right there with you," seemed to echo in her brain. Shampoo could feel things shifting inside her. It was almost as if…
What Shampoo felt that day of the wedding...that was what Akane felt...all the time.
It wasn't until she listened to the message a third time that she realized Akane was going to kill herself.
It was several hours later after Shampoo had been tossing and turning. One of the few blessings of her cat form was that sleep usually came easy. That wasn't the case that night. The message was keeping her wide awake. She managed to slide a kettle onto the stove and tip it over into a bowl. Human once more she put on her clothes, rushed to her bicycle, and sped to the Tendo's house.
When she got there, Ranma was outside doing a kata. Smooth, easy movements. So perfect. So masterful. So unbelievably arrogant and self-centered. She jammed the front wheel of her bike into the boy's face with particular vigor.
"Hey Shampoo, what are you doing out this late?" Ranma said once he recovered.
She blinked as she set down her bike. She didn't know how to respond. Didn't Ranma know how upset Akane had been? But of course Akane being upset was normal. Why should he act any different?
Shampoo tried to drum up the hate for her rival. Akane was just asking for attention. She was being irrational. She wanted to kill herself? Fine. Good riddance!
"What's the matter?" Ranma asked. " C word got your tongue?" He chuckled nervously, "I guess you're part...c-word so you'd have your own tongue, huh?"
And that was it. That was the moment Shampoo realized she hated Ranma.
She didn't say anything. She just entered the house.
"Hey what are you doing?" Ranma asked.
He just lived in his own little fucking world, didn't he? Life was a fucking joke to him, wasn't it? She climbed up the stairs. She knew where Akane's door was. The duck with her name on it would have told her in any case. She was just going to make sure Akane was alright and then she'd leave.
She opened the door without even knocking. The light was off so she flipped the switch.
The room was empty. The bed was still made.
"Where Akane?" Shampoo asked Ranma who was following behind her.
"I don't know. She was pissed at me for something. Usually she's back by now though."
Akane was his fiancee. Didn't he kill a god for her? Wasn't he supposed to protect her? But she was always doing this, wasn't she? Getting upset, flouncing off on some tantrum. It shouldn't be a surprise she would add attempted suicide to the mix. She just wanted some attention.
Ranma's eyes were far off. He was looking at some random spot on the wall. Was it too much to ask for him to pay a little fucking attention?
Shampoo closed her eyes. This was her airen. Her husband. She should be holding him in her arms, covering him with kisses.
Shampoo wanted to retch. What was wrong with her? But then she hadn't really touched him since the wedding, had she? Shampoo moved past Ranma and back down the stairs to the phone. She dialed the number for Ucchan's.
After the fourth ring, Ukyo picked up. "Hello?"
Shampoo took a breath "Ukyo. Did...Akane call?" She didn't use "spatula-girl" or any of her other epithets. This wasn't the time.
Ukyo yawned. "Maybe? Someone called a few hours ago, but they just said 'sorry' and hung up. It could have been Akane, I guess. What's up? She get kidnapped again?"
That's right. Akane got kidnapped all the time! This was completely normal.
Except for that phone call…
"Shampoo not sure. Call back later if trouble." Shampoo hung up. "What time Ranma last see Akane?" Shampoo asked.
Ranma looked sheepish. "Yeah it's been like four hours now. I kinda said something dumb. But it's true I'm going to be the heir. And it's not like she's any good at martial arts, anyway."
He didn't even care, did he? It didn't even register that Shampoo was his true fiancee, his wife even, and he was talking like him marrying Akane was a foregone conclusion. He was literally taking Akane for granted. And he was doing the same to Shampoo. And of course he was so damned superior wasn't he? He was the best.
"Yeah she probably went for a run to blow off steam. She usually just goes around the block, but she might have, I don't know, stopped to sulk or something."
"For four hours?" Shampoo asked
"Yeah, well since when do you care? I thought she was an obstacle for killing or something."
"Shampoo has to find to kill." Technically a true statement, but the implied intent was a complete lie. It was the sort of lie that catches you completely off guard. Like saying you're 15 when your sixteenth birthday was last week. It should have been the truth, but it wasn't, and the shock of that made the delivery of the line completely unconvincing.
Even Ranma seemed to catch it. He nodded slowly. "Look, let's start along her route and see if we can find something."
Shampoo followed Ranma out of the house and the front gate, picking up her bike on the way.
Somehow it was even worse that Ranma wasn't a complete asshole. Was Shampoo just getting infected by Akane's craziness? How could she think that her Airen was anything other than a phenomenal…. goody two shoes piece of shit? Shampoo shook her head. She tried again. Ranma was a great...pain in the ass. What was that all about anyway? Come, woman, follow me! I know how to find the errant maid!
Yeah but that was just...Ranma was just...No, it was no use. The love just wasn't there. There was just this ugly clot of irritation in its place.
"Oh hey!" Ranma exclaimed pointing at a girl with short hair walking down the road in a pale dogi. It was yellow, Shampoo remembered. It looked white under the sodium lamps though. Ghostlike. Akane had feet though. She was alive. "There she is," Ranma continued, "No worries."
Shampoo almost hit Ranma. She waited until Akane came closer. When the girl was in earshot Shampoo said quickly, "Sorry Shampoo no pick up phone. Shampoo cat." She tried not to notice how puffy Akane's eyes were, but it was noticeable even under the streetlights.
Akane looked at Ranma. She gave Shampoo a slight nod. She appreciated that Shampoo had come. She was okay though.
Shampoo nodded herself, got on her bike and ran off. A little more quickly than was necessary.
That night, Shampoo later found out, had been rock bottom for Akane. She told her she probably wouldn't have done anything. But she did take a knife with her. She did spend a long time sitting next to the canal. The water would wash the blood and body away. No mess.
But she put the knife away and started walking home. And she saw a billboard for a suicide prevention hotline. And she went to a pay phone and called it. And that was how she met her new boyfriend, Sato Hank. "It was completely unethical," Akane said, with a smile that spoke volumes about how wonderful it was for someone to do something dishonorable for her for once. Akane said that she needed someone who listened to her. Someone more mature, someone stable.
Ancestors, but Shampoo needed those things too! And that was so completely not Ranma it was maddening.
Somehow over the months as Akane visited the Cat Cafe to spar with Shampoo and dish gossip about people at school, Ranma never even suspected that Akane had a boyfriend. He just went on having wacky adventures, always the center of his own story. Akane had become a side character, and, she told Shampoo, she was completely okay with that.
Akane was focusing on her studies. She wanted to get into Tokyo University so she could spend more time with Hank. But she visited Shampoo regularly. Almost every day. And there was this wonderful, beautiful, precious time when she and Ranma sparred...and she actually managed to land a hit on him. On his male form.
"What he do?" Shampoo asked
Akane's face fell a bit. "Oh he made like he was coming down with a cold. Only way an uncute tomboy like me could do something like that. Started taking all kinds of vitamins to 'cure' himself. Went to some potions dealer. Got himself stuck as a girl for a bit."
"This all happen in a day?"
"About two days. That's the usual cycle, you know. The more people he can rope into his problems the more traction he gets out of them, but lately...well I'm not even sure who his audience is really. Even people at school are starting to get bored."
"You think he cause problems?"
"No," Akane considered as she twirled some noodles with her chopsticks. "Not exactly. I don't think he realizes he's doing it. But this time...I mean he was not sick at all, but I think he actually made himself believe he was. He even started having a fever. And of course he could have just waited it out like a normal person, but he had some fight with Ryoga he had to be ready for."
"Ryoga who always on time." Shampoo deadpanned.
"Yes. Exactly. Ryoga still hasn't shown up, so if you see him..."
"Shampoo take to Tendo house," she said. "Ranma Ryoga always good fight."
"Yes," Akane said with a sigh. "I wish they'd just hurry up and fuck though." She burst out laughing.
"What?" Shampoo asked.
"Oh it's Ranma's 'curse.' She...HA! He's a girl so often now people think the girl version's the real one. And I don't know about male Ranma, but his girl-type is definitely into boys. I used to get irritated at how much she would flirt, but...now it's just funny. She's particularly bad around Ryoga. And Ryoga is constantly getting fooled by her disguises." Akane's eyes widened a bit. "Not that I think she's really a girl. I mean Ranma's still a guy when he's a guy, I think. It's just...She's a girl when she's a girl."
Shampoo nodded. "Ranma mostly girl-type now when Shampoo see."
"Oh he won't admit it, but I think he prefers it now. I've seen him splash himself before school. Says it cuts down on incidents. He's mainly male for his parents, and if he has to fight someone, though really I think his girl type would beat his boy type in a fight."
"Of course. Woman is stronger sex." Shampoo smiled
Akane smiled back "You got that right."
Shampoo listened to Akane discuss the other people at school, but her mind was elsewhere. That Ranma was so self-centered that he didn't even acknowledge that Akane was improving. That Ranma was mostly a girl.
That it was time to put the kiss of death back on the table.
But then Ranma had to ruin it by agreeing to the marriage.
She had spent a week convincing the old hag that it was a good strategy. She'd spent two days brewing the potion she put in the udon noodles. Several times Ku Lon would remind her, "He might say yes, you should be sure to have the antidote ready."
And Shampoo would mutter something like "Sure. Yeah. Whatever."
And Elder Ku Lon, wiley old crone that she was, knew better than to trust her with the antidote.
Ranma ate the noodles and Shampoo thought, now, finally! I'm rid of this narcissistic prick! And then, as if he had some kind of sixth sense when it came to how to mess up Shampoo's life, the asshole said "Yes."
"What?" Both Elder Ku Lon and Shampoo said
"I'll honor the marriage. I'll go with you to China if you want."
The old hag loved Ranma. Ranma was the heir that she had always wanted. Ranma reminded her of herself. Ranma reminded her of the lech Happosai in all two of the good ways and only a few of the bad ways.
Shampoo briefly considered abandoning Ku Lon, the Amazons, Nerima, and everything else. She'd get on a ship and go to America. Or maybe the other direction, to the UK. She could be an actress. She'd play a henchwoman in a James Bond movie. Then she'd star in some romantic comedy about crazy Asian customs where she'd learn to understand her ailing grandmother by the end of the picture. Then maybe play a Charlie's Angel in the next remake.
Right except she couldn't do an accent to save her life. "Shampoo go home one way or other. Almost better you no take pill."
And so it was out in the open. She had tried to take Ranma's life. But Ranma was still marrying her. Because he was so gosh darned honorable.
Maybe, Shampoo, hoped, Ranma's mother would say he wasn't honoring the contract with the Tendos and would kindly cut his head off after he stabbed himself in the guts.
But no, as it turned out Soun Tendo was quite fond of Hank Sato and wasn't keen on insisting any of his other daughters marry Ranma either. The Saotomes and Tendos amended the contract so that two children from the next generation would be wed to merge the families. Tendo went on to say that as far as he was concerned they were already merged. What a great guy he was. How mature.
Shampoo was pretty sure he was having an affair with Nodoka.
Ukyo was no help. She had officially given up on Ranma. She was technically a ronin now, she'd betrayed her family's honor, but she was basically still living as a man. She was a woman dressed as a man and her boyfriend was a man dressed as a woman. So in a way, she was still honoring her vow. It had been years since she left home and time had a way of making some things seem less important. If her father wanted to get back in touch with her, she said, great. If not, he's a jackass anyway. Screw him.
Mousse was the only one who did anything to delay the ceremony. He challenged Ranma for Shampoo's hand as if he hadn't grown up in a civilized, matriarchal society and was instead some primitive caveman smoked out of his cave after discovering fire. Ranma initially went for it. He got into a fighting stance and said "I accept your challenge." But then, he frowned, looking at Elder Ku Lon. "Wait, doesn't he have to beat Shampoo first? Has he done that yet?"
"No, Son-in-law," she said with pride. "He has not."
And so Shampoo faced off against Mousse.
The thing about Mousse...he was actually a pretty decent fighter. He almost beat Ranma a few times. And each time Ranma beat him it seemed like there was some sort of asterisk. Usually it was Mousse's eyesight or his tendency to lose focus, or Ranma found some secret from the old hag. Mousse rarely got close anymore though, and Shampoo had a suspicion of why that might be.
It's an odd tradition for a culture of Amazons to have. A man must defeat his wife for her to marry him? Wouldn't that lead to a bunch of husbands who weren't afraid to beat their wives? But the Amazons had a unique power dynamic. Women were more powerful because of the techniques they knew, but brute, physical strength was still something men tended to do better. There were women who bucked this trend, becoming more muscular than any man could hope, but most enjoyed looking feminine in a more standard sense and being powerful in more subtle ways. And so the rule came about. A man that could not respect a woman as an equal was not a worthy companion. A man who did not recognize the hidden power of a woman, because he was distracted by her apparent weakness, could not be trusted to respect her power when it mattered most.
Shampoo had been ready to marry Mousse once. All he had to do was punch her in the face. Sure she and he were both twelve. Maybe it wouldn't have led to anything anyway. But he wouldn't do it. He ran away and cried. And that's how Shampoo lost all respect for him.
And now, was he really less of a fighter than Ranma? Was he really as stupid as he seemed sometimes? Was he really as blind? Or was it something else? Maybe it wasn't male Ranma's ability, so much as female Ranma's pretty face that caused him to fail to hurt Saotome in any definitive way?
Mousse stood some fifty meters away, in an abandoned lot a few blocks from the Nekohanten. A gust of wind sent a Wonder Burger wrapper tumbling between them. He wore his long robes, and they and his hair flew with the wind dramatically.
Shampoo felt a difference in his attitude. He was taking this battle seriously. He had greater reach than she did. Stronger muscles. But she had greater spirit energy, and she knew how to use it.
"I don't want to fight you, my love. Say you will marry me and I will stop." He spoke in Japanese. He was better at the language than she was. It made her feel stupid. He had to know that, didn't he? And was he emulating Kuno on purpose? Was he actually trying to irritate her? Make her make an error?
She imagined herself in a rage, charging at him with tonfas. And with his stance, he would just step to the side and make some move that used her momentum against her. She tried to imagine him adopting that stance for some other reason, but the placement of his feet was not natural. It almost looked natural, but there was a bend to the knees, and the way the weight was on his toes…
Shampoo swallowed as she felt something heavy and cold drop into her heart. Mousse wasn't planning to truly fight her. He was planning on humiliating her. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she had been too cruel to Mousse, even if he acted like such a fool so often. Even if he never truly respected her. She was the one who had been active in her cruelty. Why wouldn't he give a little of what he got? She had been trying to teach him a lesson, but, apparently she had taught him the wrong one.
How should she handle this battle, then? How should she treat this contemptuous stranger who had been a childhood friend?
She settled into a defensive pose. It was the sort of stance she might have used if she had encountered a dangerous animal. "I don't want to fight you either," she said in Mandarin, "Let's just be allies." She wouldn't say friends, but an ally was something Mouse could be for her, and she felt even now, she could be that for Mousse.
From this distance, Shampoo couldn't tell Mousse's expression very well. But the way his eyes filled with shadow as his head tilted into the sun suggested he wasn't going to back down. "No," he said with a sigh, "We should end this."
And so he charged at her with a pole he produced from his robes.
And so she exploded it with a Bakusai Tenketsu
And he was shocked for a moment and wounded in his chest and arms from the shrapnel.
And she pressed her advantage, using the chestnut fist on his solar plexus, nose, eyes, ears.
And he lay before her on the ground insensate. He wasn't truly unconscious, in a moment he would get up, but in this moment, if she wanted, Shampoo could kill the man laying in front of her. She had a blade in her belt. It would be over for certain. But she let the moment pass. She backed away as he lifted himself, flailing around stupidly in his blindness. Why couldn't he understand? Why couldn't he have the one extra brain cell he needed to be a truly good man?
"Please don't bother me any more, sir," Shampoo said in careful, polite Japanese. Showing respect. Showing...distance. "You are not wanted. Farewell."
"Wait, Shampoo!" Mousse said in Mandarin, as if suddenly remembering their childhood together. The friendship they had long ago. But it was too late.
Shampoo bore his cries like lashings against her back. If he decided to truly attack her, though, she was prepared to show him how she dealt with an assault from a stranger.
Ranma and Ku Lon had seen the battle. Ku Lon wasn't impressed. "Glad that nonsense is finally over," she said.
Ranma was quieter than usual. "I didn't know you learned the Bakusai Tenketsu."
Shampoo only nodded her head a little. There was still a stupid little part of her that was elated to receive praise from Ranma. But the larger part of her knew it was too little too late. The mix of emotions created an overall feeling of sadness. She went back to the Nekohanten. She went to her room and slept until the next day.
The wedding happened in a whirlwind. It was very nice. Even Ryoga managed to be there. Ranma was in girl form up until the last minute. He said he didn't want his tux ruined accidentally and the less time he spent wearing it the better, which was understandable. Less understandable was why he wore a bridesmaid's dress the rest of the time. Shampoo wasn't going to ask. He'd probably have some explanation that made sense.
But Shampoo couldn't help but notice how Ranma flirted with Ryoga. Ryoga had no idea who she was. Akane was right. There was definite chemistry there. She even smiled at Ranma's fake Chinese accent. She should have been offended, but it was so exaggerated it crossed some uncanny valley into hilarious.
Maybe Ranma and Ryoga would fuck. Then she could kill Ranma and be done with the whole mess.
But no, inevitably, Ryoga figured it out, the two had an epic battle on various rooftops. Some statues, vehicles, and light fixtures were destroyed, and everyone just picked their plates up from their tables as the two tumbled through and returned to their conversations about what policy the prime minister was enacting and whether that would endanger relations with China or the US.
The actual wedding took only a few minutes. Ranma kissed her, but it was barely a peck. He tied himself in knots about it before and after though. That was endearing, Shampoo had to remind herself she hated him.
Regardless they got through it. It was done. Even if it was done before, now it was done in the Amazon way AND the Japanese and Western way so no one could raise a fuss about it. Ranma was her husband and she was his wife. In Japan, her legal name was now Saotome Xian Pu, while in China, Ranma's name would be Ran Pu.
Getting to China was another ordeal. Shampoo had a valid passport, since she arrived on an airplane. But Ku Lon didn't, and neither did Ranma. Swimming to China wasn't an option, because Shampoo could not swim well as a cat, nevermind the complications that would cause with Ranma's phobia. They couldn't fly in a carriage carried by geese either, since they were much too heavy for that trick to work. Ku Lon knew a technique for making things lighter or heavier, but she wasn't willing to teach it to either of them. So that left trying to get passports for a 300 year old woman, and a Japanese boy who was sometimes a red headed girl. Nabiki managed two passports for Ranma. His girl side was Ranko Tendo officially.
Shampoo was there when Nabiki gave him the passports. He stared at them for a long time. Then he left. He came back after having splashed himself with water. "Nabiki," Ranma said. "This makes us cousin's now, right?"
Nabiki frowned and nodded. "As far as the government is concerned, yes."
"Is it alright if I hug you?"
Nabiki nodded but gave Shampoo a confused look as Ranma hugged her.
Ranma parted from her, looking embarrassed. "We haven't always gotten along, but… I'm going to miss you. And Kasumi, and Akane. And all of you. Maybe I'll be back soon. But I just wanted to say….thanks. For making me family. Even if it's just on this piece of paper."
"Ranma I…" Nabiki started.
"I know, " Ranma said smiling. "I'll find a way to pay you back. It might take me a while, but I'll figure it out."
"That's not…" Nabiki started again, but then she relaxed, even smiling herself a little. "Sure thing, cousin. I'll be counting on it."
Shampoo felt like an outsider through the whole exchange. There were no goodbyes or promises made when she left China. Other than the one big promise. She left the building and found Ku Lon by the entrance of the estate. "How will things be, when we get back to Nyuchezu?" She asked.
"Oh it will be about the same. Right now we're helping Jusendo manage the flooding over there. The springs of Jusenkyo are all muddled now too, As the waters recede they'll need people with curses to help separate them again. The Chinese government's getting a bit nosey again too. We'll have to get money together for the bribes. Same old same old."
Shampoo nodded, "But how's my father doing? And LIng Ling and Lung Lung?"
"Not sure," Ku Lon said. "I'm sure they won't be any trouble for you though, granddaughter."
Shampoo nodded again. The Chinese character for trouble was two women under the same roof. It wasn't too much of a stretch to think of the word as a synonym for family. She'd been gone so long…
Ku Lon was bounding away on her stick, probably heading toward the Nekohanten to pack.
Happosai leaped off of the roof toward Shampoo yelling "Sweeto!" and she absently snatched him from the air and slammed him into the wall. "Ow! You know," he said wriggling around in her grip, "just because you're a married woman now, doesn't mean you can't do a little modeling. Perhaps you'd like to try on this little number?" He pulled out a blue negligee from some obscene pocket he possessed.
"Shampoo not miss you," She said.
"Oh ho ho! I won't miss you either. Or my sweet little Ranko! I'm going with you to China!"
"No." Shampoo said in an almost whisper.
"It's going to be wonderful! I'll have two beauties to fondle every day! And whatever I teach Ranko, Ranma will learn too, so I can ensure the school will continue and spend time…" Happosai couldn't finish because Shampoo was slamming him into the wall repeatedly. It did no damage though and Happosai leapt out of her grip. "See you later, toots" he said and jumped away.
It was a horrible prospect, but...oddly it made Shampoo feel better. She eyed the dojo and made for it.
As she hoped, Akane was there, practicing a kata. She was getting better. Still a bit rough. She liked solid abrupt movements, and that didn't match the style she was trying. An instructor in China could help her find a better path through her art. But she was making do. There were even a few movements that weren't mistakes so much as innovations. Shampoo could tell at one point that Akane was supposed to leap into the air, but instead she bent her knees and rolled into a handstand, launching herself up that way and bringing the heel of her foot rushing down as she landed on her other foot, which set her up for a snap kick and a series of punches.
Akane finished and wiped some sweat from her brown. "Oh hey, Shampoo, I didn't see you there."
"I watch your form. Very good." She said.
Akane scratched the back of her head, "I guess I'm settling a little better. I can't seem to find a good flow though. I can't lose myself in it like I've seen Ranma do."
Shampoo nodded. "Need better teacher."
"Maybe," Akane allowed. "Did you just come to say goodbye? That was nice."
"Yes, but also…" Shampoo advanced on Akane and kissed her forehead. "If Akane want come to Nyuchezu anytime, can. She...You are Amazon sister. Not full Amazon unless marry, but not be attacked if come to village. And many instructors who will teach womens." Shampoo frowned and tried to make her next words more correct. "I'm sorry I was not better friend."
"Oh, Shampoo." Akane grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry too, okay? I'll try to visit. I don't know when I'll be able to with school and everything, but I'll find a way. We were in the madness together, weren't we? Ha. I miss it sometimes. Just remember you are your own woman. You don't need Ranma. You don't need the Amazons. You get what you need from this marriage, and then you get out. Don't get trapped in some life you don't want like I almost did."
"I already trapped." Shampoo said morosely.
"No. You. Are. Not." Akane said back to her. "Ranma is a narcissist. He thinks everything is about him. But, Shampoo? It's not. Live your story. He makes a lot of noise, but Ranma's just a passing storm on a sunny day."
"Easy for you, You not married to him." Shampoo muttered bitterly.
"You're not married to him either," Akane said. "He is married to you."
Shampoo nodded slowly. "Yes. Is right. Thank you." Shampoo was the one in charge. Not Ranma. If she wanted to, she could simply say they were not together when she got to the village. He could be some other woman's problem.
She considered it as she left Akane and walked to the Nekohanten. Why then, was she not planning to do that very thing?
They had one night before they were supposed to leave for China. Ranma had all his belongings in his backpack and Shampoo had even less to pack than Ranma did, since her curse form didn't need clothing, and she was accustomed to travel as well.
They had some time alone, and soon they became like two electricians working on the same circuit, trying desperately not to shock each other .
Shampoo had made some very bold moves on Ranma in the past. She remembered getting in the furo with him. That had actually been kind of fun. She was in control then. She felt like she was anyway. But now, Now the teasing was over. Now she didn't want to present herself to Ranma like some platter. She wanted him to be hers.
She needed to have sex with him, she decided. That was what she needed. Once she got fucking Ranma out of the way, she could leave him. And it would satisfy the Elders too.
So she sat next to Ranma. She grabbed his head and planted her lips on his. He stiffened, and then tried to reciprocate, but he was all awkward, like a marionette with tangled strings. She took his hand and put it on her breast. "I don't," he said, "I'm sorry, Shampoo, I…"
Shampoo nodded. She stood up.
She walked to her pack and pulled out a packet of powder. Then she found two pots in the kitchen and filled them both with water. She sprinkled the powder in one of them. Returning to Ranma, she splashed him with the normal water, and herself with the powdered water.
She felt herself grow taller, more muscled. Her clothing became very uncomfortable and actually tore down the leg.
Ranma looked up at her with wide eyes and open mouth.
Shampoo leaned down to kiss the redhead and she got on her toes to kiss back.
And this time there was a spark. Shampoo felt it too. Maybe it was the form. Or maybe it was in her the whole time, but Ranma was just so beautiful. Shampoo lifted Ranma into...his arms and carried her into bed.
It was the first time either of them had had sex. And both of them were in the wrong body.
Shampoo woke up as a man, and quickly took a hot shower to turn back into a woman. Ranma was sitting up in bed staring blankly at a wall when Shampoo went to the bathroom, but she was up and doing a kata when Shampoo finished.
"Almost time for plane," Shampoo said.
Ranma nodded and headed for the shower herself.
Some fifteen minutes later she returned, showered and dressed, but still female. "Yeah," she said, "I'm stuck as a girl again."
"Is true?" Shampoo asked, "How happen?"
"Pretty sure I'm pregnant." Ranma said, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry."
"Is funny joke, yes?" Shampoo said. She didn't think it was even possible with a form from instant powder.
"Yeah," Ranma said, "Funny joke. Let's get going."
But Ranma didn't turn back into a male. They were both girls as they arrived at the train station. Ranma was quieter than usual. She kept looking at her hands, and then off in the distance, and then she would glance at Shampoo. Finally Ranma asked. "So what should we say to people? Are we a lesbian couple? Sisters? How do you want to play this?"
"Sisters easier story" Shampoo said.
Ranma nodded. "Doesn't match our passports though, and we don't look alike. Maybe I'm your sister-in-law? Like, I just married your brother?"
Shampoo nodded slowly.
After some time in the station their train pulled up next to them and they packed themselves in with the late morning commuters. Ranma tried to set her pack down but it landed on someone's foot. It was a foreigner. Darker skin and the wrong sort of eyes to be Asian. Probably Middle Eastern.
"Sorry!" Ranma said as she quickly lifted it into a better position. "We're going to the airport," she said as an explanation for the large pack. "My name's Tendo Ranko, and this is my sister-in-law Saotome Xian, we're going to China."
"Okay, pretty ladies," the man whose foot had been hurt said. "No problem. If that foot get broken I have spare."
Ranma laughed musically "You live here long?" She asked him.
"Oh no! Only three year. Very busy, very confusing, but I manage."
"Well, I think you're doing great. You really have the language down good! I lived in China for almost a year and I still don't know much Mandarin. Thankfully my sister-in-law is smarter than I am and she can translate."
"I marry someone from here. But then I find out she crazy bitch and we get divorce. She take everything and now I have to take train to janitor job every day. But I argue with her and learn language, so not all bad, yes?"
"Yep!" Ranma said, "In every bad situation there's an element of good." As she said it she took Shampoo's hand in hers and gave her a look.
Shampoo knew several things in that moment. One, Ranma really was pregnant. Two, she was definitely keeping the baby, and three, there wasn't going to be a divorce anytime soon.
There was a fourth thing too. Shampoo was strangely okay with all of it. Didn't she hate Ranma? Shouldn't this be the worst thing that could happen? She almost let go of Ranma's hand. She lifted it up a little. But then she squeezed it, instead of letting go. And Ranma smiled at her. And damn it, that was it.
The plane ride was uneventful, which was something in itself. Elder Ku Lon had met them at the airport. She was the one who complained the most really. So much waiting in line and following directions. It was a little strange to realize how much the small old woman resented authority, but then again it made a little sense. Helping Shampoo had gone against the wishes of the council after all. Ku Lon just preferred to be the one in charge.
Shampoo herself was a bit too distracted by her thoughts to have many opinions on her circumstances. She should be trying to find a way out of this...but was just going along with it all. She had washed with waterproof soap, so she and the other passengers were safe from any liquid mishaps that might arise. Ranma going nekoken in a crowded plane five thousand meters up would not be a good thing.
How would they deal with that in the future, though? Would she just have to keep using waterproof soap the rest of her life? And why was she thinking like that? She was going to leave Ranma, wasn't she?
Ranma seemed actually happier if anything. Especially once they were on the plane and in the air.
"Why you smiling so much," Shampoo asked.
Ranma laughed, "Oh, it's just my life is so completely fucked right now. I don't think I've ever felt so...free. I'm going to be a...I can't even say it. Nope. Not going to think too much about it. I might get depressed about it later, but...Shampoo, look," Ranma pointed out the window of the airplane. A meadow of clouds shone bright white beneath the wing. "We're flying."
Shampoo held Ranma's hand. It was already starting to be a habit. Ranma's hand was warm and soft. Her neck was so pale beneath the pigtail. The way she adjusted herself to see out of the window better…
Yeah Shampoo was into Ranma in this form even as a girl.
It took several weeks of hiking to get to Nyuchezu. A lot of that was in rain. Shampoo used some waterproof soap, but that was quickly running out. Ranma's mood had turned. She had to vomit almost every day, and she kept finding mirrors or pools of water and looking at herself.
"You're both Amazon's aintcha? Don't you have some kinda voodoo cure for this crap or something?"
"The pain of childbirth is something only a true woman can bear," Ku Lon said as if quoting, although Shampoo didn't know from what. It was very possible the old hag invented the saying herself. Ranma had told her of the pregnancy shortly after the plane touched down and the old woman cackled madly for almost half an hour afterward. But once she sobered, Shampoo noticed a subtle shift in her behavior. Ranma was family now. And Shampoo...Ku Lon seemed to treat her differently as well. There was an odd smile on her face whenever she talked to her. Whole hours would pass without any kind of lecture, and when they did come, they seemed less bitter.
"Well, I ain't a true woman," Ranma responded to Ku Lon, "but I'm bearing it. You mean to tell me there ain't some kinda weed I can chew or something that can help with this shit?"
Ku Lon stopped in the path in front of them. "Wait! Yes, of course!" She went to the side of the path and picked what looked to Shampoo like a sprig of bush clover. "Chew on this, child."
"Thanks, Elder!" Ranma said and put the weed in her mouth and started chewing.
"Honored Elder," Shampoo started to protest in Mandarin.
"Great-granddaughter, she is the mother of our heir, but I think it's better if she has something to occupy her mouth besides complaints, don't you?"
Shampoo looked at the redhead taking long strides to keep pace while chewing a wad of perfectly useless weeds with stoic determination. "Yes," Shampoo agreed smiling, "She's much cuter when she's quiet."
"A trait you both share, to tell the truth," Ku Lon grumbled. "Heavens help us, this baby will be a goddess. A loud, obnoxious goddess."
The comment brought a smile to Shampoo's lips.
When they finally got to Nyuchezu there was a familiar site awaiting them. Two women were facing each other on a giant log brandishing weapons. To one side was a table festooned with all manner of food. There were multiple signs in Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, Korean, and English saying the food was for the winner of the match and her family ONLY. Do not touch! This means you!.
Ranma sidled up to the table.
"Ranma, no!" Shampoo said sternly.
"But…"
"It not for you. For winner."
"Can't we just…?"
"No. Is rude. Wait after match we ask politely then yes?"
"Yeah, but either one of us could beat whoever's on that log."
"Is rite of passage. Test of womanhood. If champion it mean you don't need have baby to be elder."
"Oh! So that was why you were so pissed! But wait, that means you still can't be an elder, right? Since I'm having the baby?"
Shampoo's eyebrow twitched a bit. "It not problem."
"Maybe you could win this one! Maybe this is your chance!"
"It only for sixteen year old." Shampoo said. "I too old."
"Well, I was only fifteen when I fought you...uh sorry."
Shampoo clenched her hands into fists, but then she relaxed. "Thank you," she said, "For saying sorry. This first time I hear you say it."
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry for that too."
Shampoo embraced the slight shorter girl around the waist...and she slapped her hand away from the table. "Not for you!"
"Just a little bite? Come on. No one will notice."
"Watch match. See if can guess who win." Shampoo held both Ranma's forearms as she "embraced" her.
The two girls fighting were fairly evenly matched. One held two blades and had a scar on one cheek. The other had tonfas and was more heavyset. Muscular without quite being manish. The blades would be blunted, but both blades and tonfas were greased with soot so that a winner could be declared by points if neither combatant was thrown from the log.
"I like the blade girl," Ranma said. "She means business."
"She too hungry," Shampoo disagreed. "She will make mistake."
The blade girl, Shampoo realized she was Rei Sa, fought intensely but the girl with the tonfas, Ta Wa, blocked every hit. "Girl with blades is Rei Sa. Younger sister to girl I fought. Family all hot headed. Fierce warriors, but lack discipline. She better than sister though. I maybe not win if back then face her."
"What about the other girl?"
"She Ta Wa. Used to carry water for us in training. Very nice girl. Maybe too nice. But she look like have good form."
Ranma nodded. "Go Razor! Cut that Towel girl into shreds!" She yelled.
Shampoo frowned, then she relaxed "Go Ta Wa!" she yelled in Mandarin, "Find an opening!"
"No fair yelling in Chinese" Ranma grumbled.
"You could learn," Shampoo pointed out.
"Right," Ranma nodded. "Hey, Towel! ThE bAtHrOoM iS aCrOsS tHe StReEt!" It was the most horribly accented Mandarin Shampoo had ever heard. Shampoo couldn't help laughing.
"Hey, Razor!" Ranma yelled, "ThE wEaThEr iS cLeAr ToDaY!"
"Stop. Stop!" Shampoo tried to say through her laughter.
"Towel, CaUtIoN wEt FlOoR!"
Shampoo was in tears laughing. Thankfully Ranma started laughing too and so she couldn't say anything else.
In the midst of the hilarity, Rei Sa glanced to see what was going on, and Ta Wa stepped in and knocked the girl off the log.
Shampoo tried to sober herself. This was very serious. An important milestone in a young woman's life. She couldn't help but feel giddy though. It was also fun, wasn't it? There was applause and whoops from the other attendants. Someone put a garland of flowers around Ta Wa's neck and two people lifted her up for a minute before putting the large girl down.
Shampoo had accidentally let go of Ranma and when she looked at her again she had a drumstick of chicken in her hands. "Ranma…"
"Yeah, I'm pregnant, so stuff it." She took a bite of the drumstick. "Mmm! That's good!"
Shampoo waited for someone to catch her, but they were all celebrating Ta Wa's win. Except for Rei Sa. She stalked up to her and Ranma. "You made me look away! You made me lose!" Shampoo could tell she was gearing up for a kiss of death. She slapped the younger girl in the face. "We did nothing. You looked away. You provided an opening. Stop blaming others for your own faults."
It was like Shampoo was talking to her younger self. In a sudden impulse, she hugged Rei Sa tightly. "You were wonderful," she said, "Better than I was. You just have to learn to focus."
"What's the point? My life is already over. Now I have to go find a man and poop out a bunch of kids."
"No. I know it feels that way, but it's not. It's just beginning. It's not about what others want for you anymore. It's what you want. You're free."
"Time away from the village made you crazy, Xian Pu." Rei Sa said. She sighed "I guess I did lose focus though, didn't I?"
"It's easy to do," Shampoo said.
Rei Sa left and Ranma was eating and watching Ta Wa be celebrated. She had an odd look to her face.
"What are you thinking?" Shampoo asked.
"Just something Nabiki told me once." She swallowed and wiped her mouth. "She said I was old news. You know...I think I'm okay with that."
Shampoo watched the people cheering Ta Wa on, slapping her on the back asking for her signature. That was supposed to be her, a small part of her still said. Where was her celebration. Her parade? Well, her time had passed, hadn't it? She was old news. And what did that mean? It meant it was time to find something else to do with her life.
It meant it was time to grow up.
"I think," Shampoo said, "I okay with that too."
~~~~end ch 2~~~~
~~~~[author note]~~~~~
I wasn't really planning to do a second chapter to this, but I kept thinking about how things were left at the end of chapter one and the ideas kept flowing as I wrote. I feel like I could do more proofreading for this, but I think it's fine for this to be a little rough. My hope for this is that it's a nice, breezy read with a few interesting scenes and ideas in there. I've been reading Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein recently, and that book reads almost like a summary of some much larger work. I often have trouble with pacing. I want to show everything the characters do, but if Heinlein can get away with jumping ahead a few months every page or so, I can jump ahead a few hours or weeks, I figure. That tends to veer toward telling, which is against one of the commandments of creative writing. Thou shalt show rather than tell. But really, telling can be fine as long as it's done appropriately. Anyway you may feel differently about that, but that's where I'm coming from. If you run into some jarring contradiction or something that breaks you out of the story, though, please let me know.
My interpretation of the characters might rub some people the wrong way. Such things are subjective, and everyone's entitled to an opinion, but for those interested in some justification, I see it like this: Takahashi Rumiko first drew Ranma as a girl, and created the male form afterward. Ranma is first seen in the anime and manga as a girl. Shampoo meets Ranma as a girl, and kisses her. Later, Shampoo falls into a habit of running male Ranma over. Girl Ranma is always flirting with men, while male Ranma mostly seems uncomfortable around women. If you don't like the idea of Ranma being into guys, or Shampoo having some lesbian tendencies, that's fine, but I do think Takahashi at least plays with those ideas a bit in canon, so I'm not completely inserting my own kinks into this.
I'm not even sure what my kink is. I'm pretty sure it has something to with liking things you don't think you're supposed to like though.
Thanks for reading, and stay safe out there.
-Zorknot