"You're going to burn the eggs if you carry on like that," Benny said from behind her, chin almost resting on her shoulder.

"No, I'm not," Beth told him, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, you are. It's an omelette, Harmon, not a chess match. You don't have to attack it like you're playing Alekhine," Benny told her.

"I'm not attacking, I'm only following your strict commentary you've been spewing for the past five minutes."

"You're too impatient."

"No, I'm too hungry," she said, turning over the omelette, pointing her spatula at him. "Now, are you going to be helpful and do the toast, or are you going to give me a lecture on the best way to butter bread?" she said with a raised brow.

Benny just shook his head, nudging her in the ribs as he got out some toast and put it in the toaster.

Her head was clearer, and she hadn't thought about having a drink since the day before. She felt better, but she didn't know how long it would last. Soon, the need for the pills would kick in, her body going into withdraw. But she didn't want to think that far ahead; right now, she just ways to stay in this moment, a prism of light suspended in time, a time where she was happy, and it wasn't because she had a bottle in her hand or she'd beaten someone in a match. Beth had never expected to cherish these little moments so much, how the light caught in Benny's hair as he whistled along to the radio that was playing quietly, or how much care he took in stirring his coffee.

Benny put an obscene amount of sugar in his coffee. When she'd been rinsing out his cup, she'd joked that he might just as well go and eat a Sugar Kane plant and not bother with the coffee altogether. Benny had joked about needing the energy to keep up with her, and that he recalled someone had eaten half a box of donuts from a bakery in New York when he'd gotten some for them to share.

Beth turned down the heat, cutting the omelette in half and plating it up for the both of them. The two sat at the counter, not bothering with being more formal, and once Benny had finished his coffee, getting up to make hers, knowing how she took her, he sat back down, passing her the cup, a serious expression on his face.

"Beth?"

"Yes?" she asked, finger clenching around her mug.

"There's a chess tournament in New York next week," Benny explained, playing nervously with his ring, something he only usually did during matches. "I signed up, months ago, it's part of my status in the Federation."

The 'Federation' being the United States Chess Federation. They were always trying to get Beth to do stuff, charity matches and playing against important figures of state, for publicity, they said. To make them look good, was what they meant.

Benny cleared his throat. "I was wondering if... if maybe you'd like to come with me."

Beth put down her cup, glancing at the calendar on the fridge. The date she'd circled. "I can't," she told him.

Benny tried to look nonplussed. He tried, he really did, but she could tell.

She gripped his hand, arm traversing the empty plates and mugs. "It's not that i don't want to," Beth explained, "in fact, I'd love to go with you. But I've got the match in San Francisco next week, and everything's already been payed for by Christian Crusade."

"Hey, it's cool," he told her, rising out from under her grip to put his stuff in the sink. "It probably wouldn't look to good if I got trounced by you on my home turf, anyway. I'm not sure my ego could possibly survive such a blow."

Beth rose from her chair as well, giving him a condescending pat on his head while she drained the dregs of her coffee, plate and mug making a splash in her sink.

She could have sworn Benny leaned into the touch.

She could have sworn that she let him.

"Don't doubt your ego like that," Beth said, "I'm sure something as trivial as me beating your ass wouldn't inflict any permanent damage, since it's so big."

Benny laughed, flicking water at her. "You're incorrigible," he told her.

"Only on Tuesdays," she replied, "or when there's cowboys in the house."

Benny's departure hung over her for the next few days, a phantom shroud that seemed to smother her wherever she was, especially when Benny was in the room. But she didn't know if she would have gone with him, San Francisco or not. If she had the courage to take that leap of faith.

Beth wasn't about faith. She was about things that were real, were rational, things that could be calculated and controlled.

Then again, she did like Benny, and that wasn't at all rational.

"Your move," he said, grinning at her across the board.

She moved her pawn.

He took it easily.

Beth rolled her eyes. Yes, she liked him, but he was still Benny Watts, and he was still infuriating.

The sun was streaming in through her curtains, making the dust mites dance in the space between her bed and the window. Sometimes being a girl really sucked, especially time of the month. Benny, bless him, had made her tea and watched Bewitched on the TV with her until she started to nodd off. Beth rolled over, determined to get at least twenty minutes more sleep. Hopefully, the sun would be obliging.

There was a knock at her bedroom door.

Beth groaned but sat up, yawning, "It's open."

Benny opened the door. He'd been sleeping on the couch: he had bed-head, and it was kind of adorable, all sticking up like a porcupine. She'd offered him a room, but he'd politely refused, joking that her couch was nicer than his bed back home. She knew from experience that it was.

"Why are you dressed?" she asked groggily, stretching out her arms.

Benny chuckled. "Harmon, you've got sleep brain. What's today?"

Beth frowned. "Today? Today's... Oh, the tournament."

She got out of bed, folding the comforter back over. "I was going to make you pancakes,' she said, disappointed.

"What, and try and get me to stay by burning the whole house down? I think I'll stick to mine, thanks. Anyway, I didn't want to leave, you know, without saying anything. And reminding you, that if you need me, at all, for absolutely anything-"

Beth cut him off, throwing her arms around him. His own came up instantly, crushing her small frame to him. She buried her head in his chest, savouring the steady beat of his heart pounding against her ear.

Benny pulled away. "Just so I know, you're still okay with me going? Because, if you want, I can stay and make sure that-"

Beth cut him off once again by stealing his hat from his head, plunking it down on her own. She smirked at him from under the brim. "Go, enjoy yourself. Enjoy beating them all. I think I can survive a few days without you, although I may have to resort to take out without your superior culinary skills. But seriously, Benny, I'm okay. Besides, you're probably getting bored, being couped up in here with me, anyway."

Damn, she'd been doing so well, had being trying to appear unruffled and breezy, then her traitorous mouth decided to spew out some mushy, desperate crap.

"Beth," Benny said, hooking his finger under her chin. "I could never get bored of you."

Beth smiled, taking off his hat, offering it out to him. He took it, flipping it onto his head in a dramatic gesture. She giggled at his absurd antics.

"It looked good on you," he said.

"I'll have to take your word for it."

Although she didn't have to, Beth made sure he got his stuff in the car, savouring the feel of the grass under her bare feet, feeling like a little girl again, in the park, running around without shoes or socks. Her mother had never minded.

Benny was borrowing her's, which had been Alma's, since he didn't have the money for another plane ticket and had left his car outside his apartment. She had pointed out that in hindsight, he should have just drove here in the first place, but he'd said he hadn't wanted to leave her on her own for longer than was possible, telling her that he'd had a bad feeling and didn't want to hang around.

Benny and his feelings.

Beth leant on the rolled down window, the glass cutting in to the flesh of her forearms. Benny turned his head towards her, "Now, I've written down the hotel number by the phone. It's right there, you can't miss it. But I promise I'll call you tonight, okay?"

Beth shook her head. "I know, Benny. You're such a mother hen. Go and kick their asses, okay? And try not to let the weight of all your adoring fans crush you on your way in."

"Ha, ha, Harmon. You're so funny," Benny said, turning the key.

It was risky.

It was like opening a door, not knowing whether sun or snow would greet you, like jumping off a cliff and hoping somebody would catch you, sacrificing a rook to protect a queen.

Beth leaned over, without conscious thought, and kissed him on the cheek. "Drive safe, pirate," she murmured and walked back into the house.

Benny sat in his borrowed car, fingers drumming on the steering wheel, mind going a hundred miles an hour, well over the speed limit of the road he was currently on. The sky was just begining to darken, New York not long off, now.

The last time he'd been on this road, Beth had been next to him, playing chess and singing along to the radio.

He couldn't stop thinking about how she'd kissed him on the cheek.

Beth Harmon did nothing without a reason, that he knew. But did she do it because he was leaving, a sort of good luck charm? Did she do it as a way of saying thank you for taking care of her, being there for her? Did it mean something else?

God, this was why Benny stuck to chess: chess didn't involve complicated feelings. Everything was easy, predictable, solvable, nothing could be easily concealed.

He missed her, again.

Get over yourself, he chastised. He was Benny Watts, he could go a day without thinking about a woman he liked and respected and admired and...

Shut up, stupid inner monologue. He needed to focus, keep his mind on the road and the game ahead. His first match was against some newcomer, barely on the board.

'That shouldn't take too long,' he heard himself saying in his head.

Benny turned up the radio, hoping to drown out his thoughts.

It worked, for about five minutes. Until Brown Eyed Girl came on over the radio, popular after it's recent release that year.

And how, how could he not think about Beth? Her brown eyes, boring into him over the board? Smiling at him as he made breakfast, throwing soap bubbles as they did the washing up? Or her constantly rolling her eyes at him, whenever he did something silly and she was trying to hide her laugh?

How could he not?

Then, because the universe only existed to cause him pain, Runaround Sue was the next song up. And damn him, he was back in his car again, the two of them singing along, Beth clicking her fingers.

She had a really nice singing voice, Benny had thought at the time.

He still thought so now.

Benny drove on, into the night, New York beginning to sprawl out before him like an unravelling carpet, fingers still tapping, his mind on the brown-eyed girl who was running around with a piece of his heart.

It was one o'clock in the morning, and the phone was ringing.

Beth answered it instantly, having had a sleep in the day so that she could stay up for his call, since she'd figured the traffic would likey be bad at this time of year, especially on the main roads.

"Why, hello Beth," Benny said over the line, voice tired yet still retaining it's humour.

"Why, hello Benny," she instantly replied, propping her feet up on the table. "Did you get in okay?"

"Yeah, I did. Traffic was hell but I made good time," he told her.

One for Beth, she thought.

"How's your day been?" he asked her. "Get up to anything exciting?"

Beth laughed. "Yeah, doing the laundry and vacuuming the carpet definitely qualifies as 'exciting,'" she said.

"Hey, I bet it was more fun than waiting for an elevator for over five minutes. In a queue. And some kid was crying."

"Maybe they were simply overcome by your pretty face," she quipped.

Benny chuckled, and she could almost feel it in her ear, although she knew it was only the vibrations of the telephone wire and the circuitry in the receiver. "Touché, Harmon. Touché."

"That reminds me," she said, crossing her legs the other way, "you let your shirt in the wash."

"Really, I call you at one in the morning and that's what you're telling me?"

Beth could see him rolling his eyes.

"I'll get it when I come back," he promised.

At least he had a reason to come back now.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" she asked him, determined to keep him on the line just a little bit longer, to talk about something normal, or at least for them.

"Of course I'm ready," Benny replied. "This isn't my first rodeo, Harmon. But thank you for your concern."

"You're welcome," Beth said, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand.

But Benny must have had super hearing, because he said, "It's late, you must be tired."

Beth rolled her eyes. "Benny, I'm not five. I can stay up late if I want to."

"I know, but I'm not the only one with a tournament. You need your sleep," he insisted.

"Fine. But let me know how your match goes," she added.

"What, do you want me to send a postcard or something?" he teased. "Big fluffy clouds and sandy beaches and all that? 'Nice weather we're having, a dog peed on my shoe. The hotel coffee was like battery acid and the competition wasn't stimulating enough?'"

She huffed a laugh, trying not to drop the phone. "As if, Watts. If anybody's going to win, that's not me, it deserves to be you, that's all."

"Geez, you certainly know how to flatter a guy. But yes, I'll let you know. Now, are you going to be a good little trooper and get some beauty sleep now?" he asked her.

"Sir, yes, sir," she drawled. "And if anyone needs beauty sleep, it's you, Benny," she joked.

"Hey, I can't be too pretty, now. I don't think the good American public would appreciate hordes of my adoring fans in the streets. Traffic is bad enough as it is."

"Very true," Beth's aid with an agreeable laugh. "Goodnight, Benny. Break a leg."

"You better hope so, otherwise I'll be coming back and kicking your ass at speed chess again. Goodnight, Beth," Benny said, and hung up the phone.

Beth took her feet down from the table, the phone still clenched in her hand. She missed him. Once again, the house was too big, too empty, every room a painful memory rather than a space to be in and enjoy. Although she'd re-wallpapered the walls, the chairs and the couch and the decor on the walls was different, she still felt Alma everywhere, as if some part of her adopted mother had latched onto her.

And she knew, she knew in her heart that she wouldn't want this, wouldn't want her to live her life to the fullest, to waste and pollute her talent and to not find a source of happiness that wasn't the sixty four squares of a chessboard.

And with Benny, it was like that. With him here, she was Beth Harmon, the rising female star of chess, a worthy opponent of any man, confident and self-assured and all those qualities she tried to project.

But here, in this house, alone, she was Elizabeth Harmon, the orphan, twice over now. She was a nobody, who would always be alone.

She didn't like that person. But at the same time, she owed that person so much. That little girl, so desperate for something to cling to, to find some meaning in this new life of hers. If she hadn't become an orphan, she wouldn't have learnt chess, wouldn't have had those hours spent in the basement with Mr Shaibel, that she cherished to this day. Or Jolene, who she still thought about, the first friend she'd ever had.

But she wouldn't have become addicted to the pills, either. Wouldn't have this hole in her that she was trying so desperately to fill.

And she could think about how much she liked Benny as long as she wanted, but Beth knew that if they started something, it would likely only end in ruin.

Maybe she just wasn't built to have healthy, lasting relationships. Maybe she was like a woman in a clothes store, constantly trying on dresses but always returning them, none of them right for her.

Maybe her only place was in front of a chessboard, staring down the next person who challenged her.

Or maybe it wasn't.

Beth took off her shoes, put the phone back on its hook and switched off the light, making her way in the dark, her thoughts miles and miles away with a cowboy hat and a winning smile.

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Happy Monday! Things are about to get really interesting from here on in, especially with the introduction of a new character who I've mentioned only briefly. Do you have any guesses about who it could be? Let me know! Again, thank you so much to everyone reading this story, and I'll just say that my Beth and Benny may be a little OOC, and if you're not happy with that, then I completely understand. But, if you've read any of my other fic, you'll know that I gravitate towards the whole 'I'm a closed off person to the rest of the world, but not with you' trope. And I wanted this Beth and Benny to be more vulnerable, because vulnerability comes from a place of equality, and Benny is really the only equal Beth has. I want them to be honest with each other, since they can not be honest with other people, put on these masks because that's what people want to see, so that they don't get hurt.

Anyway, rant over!

Until next time.

With love, Temperance Cain