A/N: 11/14/2021

Double update. And here I thought it would never happen again.

Don't wanna spoil anything, but Kakashi will get a kick in the rear from someone next chapter, someone that hasn't shown up yet so far in this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter thirty-three: One Step Forward~

Kakashi speeds across the village, bounding over rooftop after rooftop as he makes his way to the Hokage's main building.

He knows Sakura is most likely just now being released from her duties, as Tsunade usually keeps her after hours so she can further her medical training and help with her studies. If not, he can think of a handful of other places she might be.

God, he feels sick. What the hell was he doing, being out here like this? Racing towards his own failure?

Dammit, Guy...

No. That wasn't Guy talking. Guy had talked him up, given him a surge of confidence he'd thought had long since died. This doubt was all himself.

A few more yards and he sees her, as though by Fate, coming out of the Hokage's building. She must have just finished for the night. What were the odds that he would catch her at this exact moment? Kakashi leaps down onto the ground and comes out from around a corner, allowing Sakura to see him.

"Oh, Kakashi! Fancy seeing you here."

He looks at her, heart absolutely pounding. His first thought is of his drunken escapade two nights prior, and his feet want to leap off in the opposite direction at the thought of his pretty ex-student taking him home and having to put up with whatever words or actions he had subjected her to. He remembers Yugao, remembers Sakura paying for his tab, and something about being cold (or was someone else cold?) but beyond that, it's a convenient blur for him. Of course, it isn't for Sakura, who he's certain had been completely sober, and his stomach turns at the thought of her thinking of him differently or acting any way other than what she normally would around him as a result.

He sincerely hopes that the other night hadn't awakened any memories for her of her twenty-first birthday fiasco...God, the more his mind spirals the more he feels sick. Hatake's didn't 'get' nervous. Not around women. Never. So what the hell was this?

"Fancy, indeed. What's got you out at this hour?"

For some odd reason, it comforts him to ask a question he already knows the answer to.

Sakura twists around and looks up at the bulky building she's just exited from. "Oh, I was just catching up on some medical ninjutsu practice with Lady Tsunade. I'm trying to make sure I'm ready for the test that's coming up so I can become a full-fledged doctor instead of just a nurse."

He nods, but doesn't come any closer. "You'll get there. I have complete faith in you."

She turns back to face him and smiles, her demeanor far too bright for how late at night it is. "Hm. Thanks."

A few seconds of silence pass, and Kakashi, still feeling the burst of confidence that Guy had given him earlier, decides to speak before it becomes awkward.

"You headed home?"

Sakura nods, yawning and stretching her arms out. "Oh, yeah...I'm so tired..."

Kakashi finally makes his move, swallowing with a nervousness he's not accustomed to.

"Care for a tag along?"

She stops mid step, the expression on her face unreadable. For a moment he thinks she's going to rebuff him, but she finally opens her mouth, and all fears are dispelled.

"Not at all."

He breaths a sigh of relief behind his mask, and he casually sidles up to her, and the two fall into sync beside each other.

It's a quiet walk, no words or conversation, just the gentle ambience of Konoha at night; crickets, moths fluttering endlessly towards street lamps, and the incoherent chatter of the village inhabitants who are out far too late for their own good. The air is warm and still, perfect weather for a night walk. Kakashi idly looks up to the sky as they walk; perfectly clear, not a cloud in sight. Just the moon and its endless halo of stars stretching out over miles and miles. It's nice.

He turns his attention back to the road ahead of them. He'll tell her when they get to her house. Yes, that works. But for right now, he wants to enjoy the walk that had been stolen from him by that damned Hisashi all those nights ago.

He steals a glance at Sakura, trying to gauge her demeanor. She seems okay. Normal, anyway...no, she's nervous. Definitely nervous. But why? Did she suspect why he was walking her home? Had Guy spoken with her? He swore, if that meddling, middle-aged disaster of a ladie's man had gone and tried to play matchmaker-

"Well, this is my stop."

He snaps out of his reverie to find that they have finally reached her home, and he looks at the dark, lifeless house with a sense of anxiety that he hasn't felt in years. Time was up. This is it.

Sakura turns and smiles at him, her eyes a little downcast. Why does she seem sad? "Thanks, Kakashi. This was nice."

He's not sure if he should acknowledge what he sees or not, and so he doesn't; he feels far too content at having finally accomplished his task of accompanying her home. "Yeah. It was."

"So I guess...this is goodbye..."

No.

"I guess so."

What? What are you doing, this is your chance-

"Goodnight, Kakashi-sensei."

He stops, brow sinking. Sensei? She never called him that anymore. Not for years. Not since they'd gotten closer. If she did, it was used as a sort of teasing, like an inside joke between the two of them. This was different. Almost like an admission. An acknowledgment of defeat, like there was no where else to go except backwards, to the way things were between them. And he can't accept that.

"Sakura, what's wrong?"

But she doesn't answer him. Instead, she walks to the front door of her house and turns the knob, opening it just a crack.

"Tell Yugao she's lucky."

Now he's even more confused. "Yugao?"

She quickly turns around to wave a hand dismissively, her face betraying her nervousness. "It's fine. You don't have to explain or anything. Just know that I won't get in the way of you two anymore."

The hell? Did she really think-

"What? Sakura, I'm not-"

"It makes sense, really. You two have known each other a lot longer than we have. And you've been through a lot more together...probably have a lot more in common, too."

He moves toward her. "Sakura, please, let's talk about this-"

Her head shakes fervently no, and she darts backwards into the safety of her home. "No, really, it's fine! You don't have to say anything to make me feel better. Really, Kakashi, this has been a long time coming. I think we both knew that. And it's time I just grew up and got over myself."

Tears prick in her eyes, and Kakashi feels his heart slowly breaking all over again. No no no no no. How can he fix this? Make it stop. Please, make it stop.

"Sakura, please. Listen to me. I was-"

"Goodnight, Kakashi-sensei."

Her door shuts just as he reaches her, and he stands there a moment staring blankly at the wooden grooves.

Once the initial shock is over, he knocks on Sakura's door, calling to her, pleading with her to open up and just see him again-

But it's no use.

She's gone, and he's lost her.

Dammit.

And he knows that once this night is over, things will not be the same between them, may never be the same. Like a string that's been cut, he feels their connection being stripped away even now, and as much as he desperately doesn't want that to happen, he knows that, for right now, there is nothing he can do. Sakura has her mind made up, and any actions he could currently take would only make matters worse.

He turns away, wanting to pull his hair out.

Why, why couldn't he just get the words out? Say what he needed to say and be done with it once and for all? Let her accept him or reject him, and move on with life?

He can't even decipher his own feelings right now. Sadness? Sorrow? Regret? Anger? Frustration? Depression? Defeat? Everything? Nothing? He just feels...empty. Hollow. Devoid of whatever it was that had made him feel whole for so long.

He had tried to deny it, tried to dismiss and dispel whatever feelings they were that Sakura had given him, play them off as nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Because if he didn't, they would both wind up getting hurt. One way or another. That was just the way things went for him.

But he had taken the chance. Allowed himself to gradually let her into his own private world, however boring and mundane it may be, and nestle her way into his heart in such a manner that for a moment, even he thought it was harmless, that maybe things could keep going on like this and they would be fine, they'd both be fine...

And now, here they are. Further apart than they've ever been. All because of one stupid mistake and misunderstanding.

He can't blame Sakura. He can't blame Yugao. He can't blame Guy.

He can only blame himself.

One step forward. Two steps back.