And another little update to get us through that autumn time wave!

Anyone else enjoying constant re-watches to XME? I like seeing how it ebbs and flows with my growth over time.

Can't believe it aired in 2000 (right?) Such an icon of a show, it's nice to write for people who are also into it and know that it's a vibe.

Thank you again for continuing to read.

There is still so much more to be uncovered. Remember to let me know what you think.

Enjoy!

xXx

Pick it up, pick it all up
And start again
You've got a second chance
You could go home
Escape it all
It's just irrelevant

Chatter and music hummed through the hall as Rogue made her way to the mansion's back sunroom.

The halls were bare of any inhabitants, but plenty of noise emanated from the near distance.

As she curved the corner to enter the space, Rogue was immediately greeted by beams of sunshine that spilled through the windows.

Motion and socialization swirled about the room.

Rogue drank in the space, scanning to see who all had made their way down.

A mixture of senior and junior students, along with instructors, came together in this one little "slice of normalcy" Sunday ritual.

Professor Xavier and Hank were talking at one of the coffee tables, enjoying morning beverages and intense discussion. Upon seeing her entrance, the Professor took a moment to make eye contact and smile in her direction before continuing on with his conversation.

A part of her wondered how much he actually knew about, well, everything. But the truth of the matter was that Xavier always kept a respectful distance with the older students and their personal lives unless it came down to a serious matter or the need to step in and offer help, guidance or just honest advice. She used to work with him regularly in sessions back when she lived at the mansion and they interacted often when she helped teach some of the younger students. But now, just as it was with everyone else the past year, the deep and once regular interactions and check-ins were scarce.

Rogue's gaze shifted to a few of the "old" new recruits. They were lounging on the floor and on a tasteful looking couch that surrounded a low and round coffee table. Bobby sat back, relaxed as usual, with Jubilee on his lap. The two were chuckling while Ray, Jamie and Roberto sat around the coffee table. Mugs of coffee, half eaten plates of food and a deck of cards were scattered about while Rahne snuggled underneath the coffee table in full wolf form.

The sweet and innocent scene of old friends brought a small tug of a smile to Rogue's lips, if only for a moment. However, she continued to keep her distance at the doorframe.

Her eyes left the crew that was sprawled around the coffee table and wandered to Jean and Scott who were in deep conversation with one of the newer students Julian, or Hellion, if she remembered correctly.

She remembered working with Hellion and a couple of the fresh-new kids at the mansion in her danger room sessions about two years ago. She missed doing the training sessions and working with the students, she was one of the tougher instructors, a nod to her own training in the younger years with Logan and learning from the best. And though she had not admitted it or said it out loud…a part of her wanted that role back once again. But whenever the thought would creep in, it would soon fade and be replaced with doubts.

Many familiar faces were recognized as she further scanned the space. She stopped scanning once Logan's gaze caught hers. He stood by the patio door, body leaned against the frame as Ororo held Rachael and rubbed the child's back.

Logan's eyes were intensely set on Rogue's, as if he could read her thoughts, but after a few moments he turned his attention back to Ororo.

Rogue was about to take a step in to the room but jolted at a sudden touch on her back.

"Hey!"

Rogue jumped in surprise at the startling greeting and spun around to find Julian standing right next to her, eyes wide and energized. She didn't even notice him leave his discussion with Jean and Scott.

"Where have you been? We miss you!" Julian exclaimed with an almost childish grin.

Rogue stepped into the room to create some distance but her once former student followed along suit.

"Hey," Rogue greeted and pushed some strands out of her face "Ah've been around."

"Training sessions aren't the same without you." Julian stated as a matter of fact while crossing his arms.

Rogue offered a slight smile at his candid remark.

"Ah'm sure that's not true, ya'll got great instructors." Rogue replied in a kind but drained tone.

Julian rolled his eyes.

"You were the favorite, bar none. It's not the same." He whined.

Rogue thought back to those earlier years and her time with the newer students. Julian had been difficult to train, headstrong, sometimes a troublemaker, but ultimately harmless. He'd prank on occasion, be rebellious and rarely listened to Jean, Scott or Kitty and only complied to Logan out of fear. Rogue had pushed him and a lot of the newer recruits with a no-bullshit and quick-wit-attitude that kept the kids on their feet. Remy used to team up and do co-sessions with Rogue and the kids used to love when they could have a session with both southerners.

Seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Ah think you are bein' a bit dramatic." Rogue finally replied, crossing her arms.

Julian looked at her with an honest gaze, hoping he could reel in his once favorite teacher.

"It's not just me, like, all the gang thinks so," Julian retorted quickly. "It's just not the same. You gotta come back, come on, when are you gonna come back?"

'Come back…'

Rogue's gaze went from Julian's earnest stare back to where Logan and Ororo were talking. Logan's eyes locked on Rogue's once again, gaze intent and focused.

She was being watched carefully. And who could blame Logan for doing so, after the spectacle that he witnessed on the lawn and for her to be standing composed only a few short hours later seemed unreal.

Logan was now watching the two of them, he was not the closest in terms of distance, but Rogue knew better, his hearing was pristine and had a wide range.

"Ah…Ah don't know." She said in all honesty.

Rogue looked at Logan and gave a light shake of the head, as if giving a signal that she needed more space. She couldn't handle being around too many people.

She knew it was of no one's fault but her own…the weight still hung heavy.

"Hey, can you excuse meh? Ah, Ah just need to, yeah, need some air."

And with that she turned on her heel and exited the space, leaving Julian, who thought nothing of the sudden departure, and a concerned looking Logan behind.

xXx

You've got a warm heart
You've got a beautiful brain

but it's disintegrating

2 years earlier

"Ah told you Ah had it!"

"You totally froze and were pinned by the drone!"

"Ah HAD it!"

"You completely shutdown, I saw it! You're bein' too damn proud about all of this!"

"And you're always jumping in faster than I can breathe to fix everything!"

The two southerners entered their apartment in heated strides. They had wrapped a session where they were assisting Logan with the newer recruits and their demo ended with Remy interfering with a programmed attack scenario that Rogue headed.

He watched her during the session from the corner of his eye, she was in fine form and quick with her motions. But, out of nowhere, it was as if her brain shorted out and she froze mid defense as a drone retaliated and pinned her. The drone attack was a surprise, as was her sudden frozen reaction, and out of instinct he intervened to assist and blasted the drone and grabbed her rapidly from the flying remnants.

An infuriated Rogue ignored Remy for the remainder of session. He was met with nothing but a stone cold exterior and the silent treatment for their commute back to the apartment. He persistently tried to get to the bottom of her anger and finally pushed her over the edge with his frustration and insistence, which led to their current explosive fight.

"Well you weren't exactly fendin' off the danger all that well on your own with this one!"

"How the hell do you expect meh to teach those kids to get out of tough situations if you're always showin' off your rescue damsel skills?"

"Showin' off? I ain't showin' off, I'm tryin' to be a team player here! And more than that I'm worried about you, it's not like you to just freeze up like that during sessions—"

"Ah just has a moment, okay? Ah'm supposed to show them how to get out of those tough situations!"

"That ain't always life! You know how those sessions go, they are programmed to have surprise elements left and right—"

"You didn't even give me a chance to get out of it, Remy!"

"Are you kidding me? You were not going to get out of that one, you completely glazed over! This is insane, you can't seriously be upset over me steppin' in during a session, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Rogue ignored Remy's verbal retaliation as she made her way to their bedroom and began to strip herself of her training uniform.

Remy followed behind quickly, waiting for a response. He had no idea where the outlash was coming from, it was true that he jumped in last minute during the middle of her demo but the attack was not planned nor was her sudden stunted episode.

He watched as she stripped down to her sports bra and athletic shorts, "You know what, just forget it, it's fine and Ah'm fine." She threw back agitatedly.

Remy scoffed at her cut off, she was clearly not "fine" and was still very heated.

"Non, non, non. Let's deal with this—"

"We just did." She shot back sharply and then moved past him towards their bathroom.

"Hey! Rogue! We ain't done here!" Remy argued, following from behind.

She slammed the bathroom door behind her but before she could click the lock on the doorknob, Remy entered immediately unwilling to let the subject die.

She kept with her ignoring tactic and had her back was facing him as she turned the shower knob.

"What's been going on with you lately?" Remy inquired desperately.

Her back was still turned to him and he watched as she crossed her arms.

She kept her distance but Remy continued to push.

"It's like you are on some different planet and can't hear or see what's going on around you, today it was unbelievably obvious."

She stood there, back still turned towards him. After a moment she turned around to face him, her face a bit softer than it had been moments before.

He watched as she took a steadying breathe.

"It's 'cause Ah am." She admitted.

Remy's brows knit together, her honesty was welcomed but unexpected.

Remy took a couple steps forward until they were a few inches apart. He took her hands in his, she did not resist but she cast her gaze downward, avoiding eye contact.

"How's your head, chere?" He asked sincerely, his voice and expression also softening.

She looked up and locked eyes with Remy directly. It had been awhile since they had circled back about Rogue's control, the psyches, her current headspace as a whole.

She let out an exhausted sigh.

"Rem…Ah'm sorry. Ah, Ah know you were just helping…" She started and raised her hand to brush a few strands out of her face.

"Ah just…it's just been getting hard again. Ah'm sorry."

Remy squeezed her hand reassuringly and drew her in closer.

"How bad is it?" He asked, his brows knitting together even tighter.

Rogue could see the concern growing in her boyfriend's features and her heart sunk.

She pulled him into an embrace reassuringly before approaching his concerns.

"It's not like it used to be, it has not been like that for years," She replied quickly, worried that his mind was swirling with worse case scenarios. "Ah promise, it's just…it's just not easy right now, but Ah'll be okay, Ah need to be more on top of it."

Remy sank into the embrace and pulled her in even closer.

"Is that why you were so upset earlier?" Remy inquired gently as they held each other, his hands running through her hair.

She was silent for a moment.

He then felt her pull away from the embrace so she could look directly at him. Remy was taken aback by the sad and pained expression on Rogue's face. Her emerald eyes had glossed over, though she would not let the tears fall.

"Chere—"

"Ah'm upset that Ah couldn't handle it in that moment…and you got pulled into a mess because of where my head was at." Rogue admitted quietly.

'Oh, Chere…'

Here she was kicking herself for "pulling him into the warzone" thinking she should have had that situation controlled to a tee.

Remy reached out to cradle her face so she could look nowhere but forward.

"Chere, y' didn't pull me into anything." He stated firmly.

Rogue still had a pained expression painted across her pale features. And at that Remy continued.

"I'm never going to apologize for jumping in when I see you hurting or in danger. I know you are capable…but sometimes the unexpected doesn't care if you are capable or not," Remy stated and wiped one stray tear that made it's way down her porcelain cheek.

"I have your back no matter what. It's what you signed up for the day you met me."

Rogue let a soft and sincere smile grace her features at his earnest words.

Feeling relieved to see a smile break through, Remy gave his girlfriend a soft smile as well.

"Ah'd like to see that fine print again." She replied and ran a hand through his dark brown hair, her soft smile still settled admits her own features.

"I'll let you see every fine bit that you want, chere." Remy said. He then leaned in to kiss Rogue while the steam from the running shower fogged the space.

xXx

…It's just medicine
…It's just medicine

Rogue walked into the empty kitchen and scanned the space. The morning light added a soft glow to the entire room.

She walked up to the already brewed pot of coffee and out of habit poured herself another cup.

She certainly did not need any more coffee on what was an empty stomach, but it was one of her own many bad and addicting habits.

In fact, Remy used to give her grief about her caffeine intake to which she would always have a retaliation at the ready about his cigarette habit. He had cut back significantly over the years and was even on the verge of kicking it completely. But she never found out if that ever came to fruition.

She took a seat at one of the island chairs and let out a defeated sigh while burying her face in her hands.

'Ah don't know what to do… What am Ah going to do?'

She thought of her apartment, how the space felt…wrong.

How her job felt…wrong.

How everything was in the midst of unravelling after a year's worth of trying to stitch it together.

'Ah can't change what happened.'

Remy was back. And there was no changing that either.

Seeing him earlier, standing there looking directly at her in their once shared space seemed like a mirage. Unreal.

She could hardly digest her own trauma… and trying to unveil so much to another person was beyond her current capacity.

'Remy.'

She hurt him as much as he hurt her…and here he was, trying to come back, to break through barriers, to be just, so, Remy about it all.

"Oh my God," Rogue muttered while rubbing her forehead. "How do Ah do this?" She whispered to herself, voice breaking slightly.

Thump, thump, thump.

'Still hurts.'

Rogue's hand traveled down to her lower abdomen.

She took some deep breathes and waited for the thrumming to cease.

Once the stinging passed she exhaled deeply.

"Rogue!"

Rogue's gaze went to the kitchen entrance and saw Kitty who looked flushed and surprised. Scott had mentioned Kitty was looking for her, but the truth was Rogue's brain was hardly registering other's words as the morning continued.

The last she saw Kitty was when she had been recuperating from her collapse and processing Remy's return.

Not exactly the best state to have bolted with zero notice.

"I looked everywhere for you!" Kitty exclaimed running her hands through her short hair.

Kitty walked further in the kitchen until she was standing across the island from Rogue.

"Ah needed some space, Ah couldn't stay there—"

"You scared the hell out of us…you just took off after totally collapsing, that's not okay." Kitty said in a flustered tone. She watched as Rogue's gaze went from Kitty's baby blue eyes down to her coffee.

"Kitty," Rogue breathed, voice still a little raspy. "Ah never meant to scare you, but Ah'm exhausted and…" Rogue looked back up at Kitty knowing all she could do in this moment was be short and honest, it was not the time or place to dig any deeper. "…And Ah don't really want to get into any more of this now."

Kitty took in Rogue's features.

Though she noticed that Rogue had looked a little bit more put together than she had looked earlier that morning, Kitty's heart sunk.

The Rogue she knew was so strong, confident and tough and all she could see was a drained and exhausted shell…and it hurt to see her in such a depleted state.

Kitty once again ran a hand through her hair, a nervous habit she had since her teen years, debating on if she should let it go or be honest about what she knew. From Kitty's perspective, there were a lot of secrets swirling around…and keeping secrets was not Kitty's strong suit.

Rogue had no idea Remy had just confided to Kitty about the two southerner's history. And all Kitty wanted was to yank her friend in the tightest embrace and spill the truth so she could be of some, or any, just any, help at all.

Taking a deep breathe and going with her better judgement, Kitty decided to push.

"You know he's worried about you," Kitty started waiting to see if Rogue would reply. But instead, Rogue did not answer and instead propped up her arm so her chin could rest in the palm of her hand.

After a moment of silence, Kitty decided to push again.

"Rogue, I...I need to talk to you."

"Ah'm done talking today."

"But Remy's back, and he's like—"

"Kitty, leave it alone, Ah don't want to talk about him or what happened earlier." Rogue snapped sternly.

The kitchen was still void of any other students, but Rogue was not about to get into anything more, not if she could help it.

"This is not something you can just shut down, you can't pretend like last night didn't happen."

"It's none of your business Kit—"

"I know what happened last year." Kitty interjected sharply, cutting Rogue off mid-statement.

Kitty, deciding on zero to no lead in, watched as Rogue's eyes went from a tired gaze to wide eyed shock.

"What are you talking about?" Rogue asked bluntly, not in the mood to beat around the bush.

Kitty crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself securely. She also did not want to beat around the bush or lie after having been a witness of these past 24 hours.

"A-after you took off, well, I was, like, worried and it was just me and Remy, I was getting frustrated and concerned and then we just got deep into it… he-he told me what happened last year…"

"Nothing happened last year." Rogue stated instantly, very much a muscle memory move on her part.

Kitty placed her hands on her hips and gave her friend a firm stare.

"That's a lie and you know it."

"Ah went through a hard time, that's it, just leave it alone."

"Hard time is an understatement!" Kitty threw back, no longer worried about tip-toeing. "It all makes sense now, I can't believe you went through that on your own and didn't say anything—"

"Ah didn't go through anything," Rogue snapped. She then stood up and took a step away from her friend, creating more distance between the two.

"Why didn't you tell me what happened?"

"Nothing happened, okay? God, just leave it alone." Rogue refused to go through this again today. Not again and not something so personal.

If she had more energy she would have been in a higher fighting rage. Rogue could hardly register Kitty bringing up this topic so bluntly.

Kitty, however, firmly held her stance. Rogue's harsh retort and defensive demeanor should have been expected, but whether it was her own frustration and worry getting the better of her, Kitty made the choice to keep pushing, privacy be damned and totally thrown to the sidelines.

"That's not what Remy said, he said that—"

"Remy doesn't know shit." Rogue threw back, composure unwavering.

It was as if they were sprawling teenagers, back at the mansion as roommates having a very heated argument, neither wanting to take the fall of defeat. Kitty remembered the verbal brawls well, it was a wonder they made it out of that room alive and chose to actually weather a roommate storm together again in their twenties.

"No! I think he actually is the only one who hasn't been fooled by your pretense this past year, he knows more than likely anyone—"

"You had no right to talk to him about last year, or anything about meh for that matter." Rogue threw back, her voice and anger rising in tandem.

She did not for a moment want to dig into her own personal life, no way in hell, not like this and not after these past few days and sure as hell not after just having had Remy make a reappearance on the scene of her life.

"I had every right!" Kitty threw back defensively.

The two former roommates were standing firm in their own defense, both unwavering.

Rogue could hardly remember the last time the two of them really got into a heated fight. She should have been keeping a scoreboard this past weekend of the verbal brawls she encountered.

"God, Rogue," Kitty shouted in frustration and concern "You've shut me and everyone else out and tried to do it all on your own! Remy sees it and he's only been back for, like, five seconds, and he let me know—"

"Kitty, don't you dare—"

"That you had—"

"Shut u—"

Without thinking through her next move, Kitty took the plunge.

"—That you were pregnant last year and had a bad miscarriage the same day he left!" Kitty spilled once again with little to no lead in, the words still foreign to her own ears.

Kitty watched Rogue's brows knit together tightly, as if she were in pain.

She waited for a snap, a shout, a shut up, anything.

However, Rogue was still.

She was quiet and starred intensely at Kitty. She did not react or bite as Kitty had expected.

Finally, after a few excruciating moments, Rogue, still not saying a word, turned around and walked away from her friend.

Kitty watched as she made some steps towards the door leading outside, clearly abandoning the conversation.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Kitty exclaimed taking a few steps towards Rogue. "You can't just, like, pretend you didn't hear me!"

"Ah am not doing this." Rogue said in a tight voice, taking one step after another, back still turned away from Kitty as she made a retreat towards the outside of the mansion.

"You were a convulsing mess last night!" Kitty exclaimed, still processing the scene she walked in just the night before. "And then Remy tells me this! Now I'm just, like, meant to leave it alone? Come on, you're my best friend, I don't want to be on the side lines like this!"

"Kitty, stop it."

"You need to talk to Remy, or anyone for that matter!"

"This is the last possible place and time Ah want to get into any of this," Rogue snapped.

"But—"

"Just drop it."

Kitty, emotional and keeping on trend with her 'abandoning care in polite runarounds', took another shot.

"Remy's really worried and so am I, what if something's wrong or not right inside—"

Snap.

Rogue whipped her head back around to face her friend, one hand on the door, the other gesturing aggressively towards Kitty.

"Kitty! Shut up!" Rogue yelled harshly, making the petite girl jump.

"This is my business, okay? Do you understand that, mine!" Rogue shouted in anger making Kitty flinch. "Remy shouldn't have told you, he has no goddamn idea and neither do you. You have no idea what kind of morning Ah've had after taking off from that apartment! Ah can hardly keep upright today and Ah CANNOT take much more." Her voice caught in her throat, but she continued, determined to get this through Kitty's head.

"Leave me alone and leave it alone, just leave it fucking alone." her words dripped fiercely, and without giving Kitty any time to reply, she turned away completely, slamming the kitchen door behind her.

Kitty winced at the aggressive slam. She hugged herself securely and let her head hang in defeat, Rogue's words still slicing deep.

You could still be
What you want to be
What you said you were
When you met me

xXx

Thanks for reading the chapter!

Looks like a lot is still unfolding at the mansion, layer after layer. Kitty really went for it, boundaries be damned, she went all in. Looks like more and more is being unveiled and Rogue is continuing to sort through her trauma.

Are you looking forward to the next Rogue and Remy interaction? I know I am.

Thoughts? Let me know what you think! There is oh so much more to come.

Don't forget to review I love hearing what you think. Song credit is "Medicine" by the band Daughter.