XXIX.

RIVER OF DECEIT

Home sweet home, at least it was until she fucked it all up. That's all that invaded the privacy of her mind the closer and closer they drove back to that house of theirs. All the fear, pain and mostly regret was building up inside of her like an impending nuclear bomb, any second now she could explode from the nerve wracking feelings she was experiencing. Lucky her, Lincoln had the doors of the car set to child control otherwise Lyra would have been bouncing off the pavement at about thirty miles per hour. She had agreed to this, accepted the fact that she needed to cool down and fully recover from her near-fatal injury, so why the instant hesitation now? Perhaps it was natural to feel this way, it had been a long time since she had felt anything other than rage in her heart. Also the house she formerly called home was still occupied by the very same people she had wronged and she had now choice but to coexist with them again, talk about a fitting punishment.

"We're here…" Her fathers calm voice brought her back to the reality of the world she was facing.

"We are." The teenager quietly responded

Lincoln walked over to her side of the car and helped her out, she was still on pain-killers and the wound was still too fresh for her to be moving fast and casually. Silently thanking him she gently placed her hand on the area of her stitches and applied a minimal scale of pressure to it, groaning to the tingling pain it poured out to her. Doctor said it would take a few weeks for her to completely heal and no longer feel the pain when walking about, just no stretching or else risk reopening the cut.

Waiting for her father to grab some items in the backseat she looked around her old neighborhood. Nothing had changed at all, it all remained exactly as the day she ran off with a suitcase and full of shame. Looking back at the house it felt so somber and empty despite its overpopulation. They were feeling the same pain as her. As her eyes scanned the old house they landed on a specific window. All she saw was a blur of white jumping out of sight and the curtains jerked back to place. Lyra's heart sank as she sighed heavily, Lupa was here and still hiding from her.

"Okay all set, let's go inside." Lincoln patted her on the back and walked ahead to open the door.

"Yeah...sure." Lyra nodded and followed.

Moment of truth. The door was opened and she walked back into a life she had sworn to leave behind. Once inside she was greeted by those she had pushed away, every single one of them present and apparently glad to see her again. A white banner with colorful words hung from the archway leading to the kitchen Welcome home it read as if she deserved such a warm greeting. Doubling back on her initial perspective there were more familiar faces than she had remembered, Aunt Lori was back in town and so were Leni and Liena, a pair of smiling faces she had completely forgotten about. When did they get back, last she heard they were down in Memphis...did they drive all night?

"Umm...hello?" Lyra lacked the proper words and honestly would rather run out the house, but here she was now.

Leni was the first to speak up first by running up to her niece and giving her a tremendous bear hug that did not feel good to the young girl, at all, "Oh my God, Lyra I was like so scared and like you got really hurt and that made me extra scared. Liena drove so fast, but we came in so fast and your mom was crying and I was crying then we both started crying then Lori yelled at us because we were in a hospital, but…"

She babbled non-stop as she refused to loosen her grip around Lyra who was starting to feel the pain in her stitched up wound.

"Hurts...it hurts…!" Lyra clenched her teeth tight, trying her best to control her temper and not cuss out her kindhearted aunt out in front of the entire family.

"Leni take it easy on her! She just got out of the hospital." Lincoln gently pulled her away much to the teenager's relief.

Liby and Loan came next and it had been an eternity since Lyra had been around any of her sisters. Both of them pulled her to a warm hug which felt beyond surreal to the teenager. She hated to admit it but she was starting to feel a certain way towards this kind reception meant for her. She did not deserve any of this. Not at all she didn't.

"We're glad you're okay sis." Liby said.

"Please don't get hurt again." Loan added with a perfect sentence, her stuttering and awkwardness gone from her voice.

"Glad to see you strong." Lynn voiced her opinion, staring her up and down, "It's going to take more than some low-life crook to bring you down."

"Lynn!" Lori elbowed her sister, not the time for such talk it seemed.

Lyra felt overwhelmed by the camaraderie of her family. It felt just like home. Exactly how home was supposed to feel like, gosh she missed it all so much, but without him it was hard to accept the new status quo and that was keeping her from exiting the darkness she now dwelled in. Her heart was acting up as her throat swelled up with raw emotions ready to burst out of her. She hadn't even realized that she had placed her hands on her two sisters who continued to hug her warmly. Her body was betraying her and her mind was confused as it pounded her brain into a headache

"Tha-thanks…for this…" Fighting back tears, Lyra reluctantly let go of Liby and Loan and took a few steps back from them.

"We're all here for you Lyra. You don't have to be alone anymore, you were never alone to begin with. You have every single one of us." Lori smiled at her, walking forward and placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder, an act that the gamer girl was not accustomed to but welcomed nevertheless.

"We all miss you." Luan added her piece of mind, "It's been so hard on us all, but we still have each other. We all love you."

"You are still my daughter. I'm so sorry for not doing a great job at being someone to look up to, but let me fix that, let me be the father you always wanted and now need." Lincoln stood by her side, holding back tears of his own as he spoke from the heart.

It was too much for her. The pain she was feeling was beyond imaginable, more lethal than any wound she had collected out on her nights of vigilantism. Her heart died when Lemy passed, but her heart came back to life because she still had a family by her side. At that moment the deep love for her family had overcome and consumed the intense hatred in her heart, the same rage that had led her down this river of blood filled with the corpses she had been personally dumping into it.

The tears broke loose as she looked at them all. Wretched pain of shame and love in her face, just her will alone keeping her from fully relapsing in front of them all.

"...W-Wh-Where is...she? Where...is my...mom?" Luna was nowhere in sight, that was the first person she had scanned the entire room for the first person she had anticipated for upon arriving.

"She...Luna's resting. Your mother had a rough day, I asked her to go get some much needed sleep. She wanted to be here regardless, to see you. She really did." Lincoln explained.

Why did she feel so disappointed? It shouldn't matter to her what that woman has been up to, yet she just asked about her whereabouts anyway. A new wave of sadness overflowed her at the answer she was given. This was all too confusing for her as much as she appreciated their love and concern she needed to get out of here as fast as possible.

"...okay…" Lyra limped towards the stairs with Lincoln close behind her, "I'm going to my room...rest or sleep…"

"But like you just got out of the hospital Lyra, why go back to bed?" Leni called out confused.

"She's still hurting Leni, one step at a time." Lori pinched the bridge of her nose at her sister's unawareness

"Well let me help you up." Lincoln walked his daughter up the stairs as the rest of the family remained in the living room. Lynn crossed her arms and stared intently at the two as they disappeared to the second floor. The other girls went about to continue helping out with the dinner they had planned out for their guest of honor. After giving out orders to his nieces and daughter Lori looked over at Lynn who remained deep in thought.

"What's up?" She asked.

"I'm going to train her." Lynn nonchalantly said.

"What, Lyra? Are you sure about this?" Lori wondered about the proposal, "The last thing Linc and Luna want is for their only remaining child to go back to harm's way."

"It's...complicated. That girl has so many demons inside of her. Lemy's death broke her, this is my way of helping her out." Lynn said back, very certain about her idea.

Upstairs in Lyra's old room the young teenager stood in the center staring at the side of the room that once belonged to him. A wave of memories encircled her, all good, wonderful, beautiful and straight painful. All of his stuff was neatly placed, some of his belongings that he lazily left lying around weren't visible, most likely in the closet inside some random box. Finally looking away her side of the room was equally well kempt too. It's almost like she never left and went on a bloody vendetta. One thing that did catch her attention was Lemy's guitar sitting all alone next to her vanity mirror.

Smiling at the instrument she went over and picked it up, feeling it's cold texture against her hands, fingers gently stroking the chords. God, it had been ages since she last played the guitar.

Her phone rang interrupting her trip down memory lane. Checking the caller Id she immediately lowered down the guitar on one hand and her face became serious, "Terry?"

"Holy fuck! Lyra are you okay? I heard you left the hospital, how bad was it? I tried to see you, but things happened that night. I didn't say a thing, not that the cops have come over to question me, but I ain't saying nothing!" Lyra moved her ear away from the phone as Terry's voice boomed from the small audio box.

"Just a flesh wound. I'll live." Lyra said, hoping that was enough to calm her friend's nerves.

"I told you to take a ridge with me, but you wouldn't listen!" Terry raised her voice.

"Yeah...you were right. I'm sorry about that." Lyra sighed in resignation.

"I can shit on your garbage life choices later, we need to talk about our new game plan." Terry's voice had calmed down for the moment but the tension was still present, "I grabbed all your stuff from the motel and took it somewhere safe."

"That's good to know." Lyra felt relief to know that her weapons and the stolen cash were in good hands.

"I had help." Lyra doubled back, unsure if she heard her right, "This guy, well this old guy called me from your cell phone and offered to help us out, he found you and took you to the hospital. I have never met him in my life, but he claimed to know you."

Remembering the note left to her in the hospital she needed to know more about this would-be guardian angel of hers, "Did he have a name?"

"...Frank, it was frank I believe. He said you would eventually seek him out. I didn't trust him at first, but I was so desperate. I really hope I didn't fuck things up for you."

"He left me a note actually. Told me to rest up, regain my strength. That whenever I was ready to find him. Wrote down some numbers that appear to be map coordinates, seriously is a fucking address too hard to write?" Lyra pulled out the note from one of her pockets and read the message silently.

"He's cautious I'll give him that. Wait! If he handed you the note and you have your phone back, then he must have come to the hospital a second time, your folks may have met him by chance." Terry wondered.

"Maybe, I'll ask my dad later." Lyra agreed.

"What now? Are you going to follow his advice?" That was the million dollar question right there and she had been juggling the decision back and forth since reading the note from this mysterious Frank.

Her body was hurting and the doc did say for her to take a long rest, about three weeks give or take. It would be very foolish for her to immediately go back to work this very night or the next in this terrible condition. The need to continue the hunt has not faded at all, but everyone was in the right. Shutting her eyes Lyra flashed her fangs in displeasure at the dead end solution she was trapped in. Guess she had no choice but to accept the obvious answer.

"I'm too fucked up to properly climb the stairs of my own house, better off bed-ridden for a few more weeks then officially fucking dead by next Friday if I keep it up." Lyra said.

"Thank god, you chose reason for once." Terry sounded very relieved, guess Lyra had kept her on edge since the stabbing.

Lyra only grunted in return. Taking a seat on her bed she laid down the guitar next to her as her and Terry continued to talk about all that has been happening. Lyra learned that Panther and Sonette want to get together and talk. Yeah, not looking forward to that tense conversation just like the extreme discomfort of being back in this house. Lyra was feeling tired again and promised Terry to get back to her soon and ended the call.

"What a...fucking shit-show." She laid down on her bed, looking up at the pale color of her ceiling.

Grunting at the discomfort of her stitches, she aligned herself into a better position to ease the unwanted pain in her abdomen, this was clearly going to take a while. Closing her eyes she tried to get some shut eye for the time being before being summoned downstairs for the obvious family dinner that she knew was being planned for her. Unfortunately for her every time she closed her eyes she saw nothing but darkness and that darkness evolved into a compilation of memories that she had ruthlessly gone through.

The events of the trailer park came back to her. The botched interrogation that quickly became a fight for survival, the shooting, the screaming, the blood and the adrenaline; all still fresh in her mind. The feel of the metallic guns in her hand as she aimed and killed her attackers, the loud booms that cracked from the shotgun as she horribly maimed those two thugs at close range. The blood that splattered from that one prick that got headlock on her and the extreme disfigurement she left on him with the hatchet. All she could feel as she recollected said memories was pure anger...anger and...satisfaction. Satisfaction at their downfall, their pain and failure at stopping her.

Those assholes were working for Dice and killing them was the closest she could get at killing him. Let them come, she wanted more of them. More bodies for her to sent to him and let him know that she was closing in on him and his fucking friends that killed her brother.

She still couldn't believe that the fucking asshole was right next to her. A pathetic young drunk looking worse for wear barely able to walk straight and worst of it all...consoling her during her time of fear and shame.

"You told me never to feel regret." Lyra snarled at the memory, clenching her hands at the fabricated imagery of her choking the life out of him, "I will not regret slitting your throat open. Same goes for Johnny whatever-the-fuck his name was and the third final fucker too."

Her anger was rising up again. She needed to tone it down as much as she hated that, there was a time and place and right now she needed to keep a cool head while being forcefully confined to this house. Enough with the hateful thoughts of murder and mayhem, Lyra positioned herself as most comfortable she could in bed and closed her eyes to allow the sleep to take her away from this rotten reality she was co-existing with. All in due time she mentally told herself, all in due time. The trail is far from over. She will find them even if it takes years, she will find them and kill them.

That Same Night…

Lupa was deeply confused and this confusion was transmitting fear into her veins which traveled all across her young body. She hadn't felt such a way since that fateful night and it all related to what was said to her in that hospital by a drugged up older sister whom she was having deep trouble reconnecting with. She didn't know what to believe. Lyra was delusional due to the drugs in her system yet what she told was said with such a strong conviction and assurance. Lyra didn't falter in her words when she held tightly to Lupa, her proclamation was more than just a fantasy, she meant every word.

"What...are you...doing?" Lupa wondered.

She had changed, changed for the worse. Her sister was more vicious, cold-hearted and carried a field of extreme negativity. The Lyra she long knew was not a raging entity of hatred. Lupa had a horrible suspicion, but refused to bring it to light. Overworking her brain with all these questions had brought forward a cruel headache, she would not be joining the others for dinner this time. Good thing too, the status among her and Lyra was still in bad state. Even if she wanted to speak to her all she would feel was the reminder of her fuck up.

It hurt her to remember and with Lyra back home the pain was more real than ever, for the older girl's validation was all that now mattered to the younger girl. Lyra's forgiveness is all she truly wants at this point and she fears it may never be.

Grabbing her journal she popped her pen and wrote down some more for the day.

I'm scared and confused.

I know that Lyra HATES those three for killing Lemy, but what she told me while believing that I was Lemy has opened a whole new possibility I did not think of at all.

I don't really care much for the local news or any in general, but the unexpected rise in violence this summer here home has to be a coincidence, right?

I have to talk to Liby. I need to know.

She found herself on a lone empty street with not a single living soul or sound around her. It was all...grey. No colors, only monochrome like straight out of an old television film from before color was ever introduced to the masses. Looking down on herself she was wearing her bed night clothes which she went to sleep with. Walking barefoot she looked around for any signs of life, but nothing was picked up.

"Where the hell am I?" Lyra said.

This was all surreal to her as she continued walking forward. A chilling wind picked up leaving Lyra to shudder as she hugged her arms and chest for warmth. She could now see her own breath leave her mouth as the temperature continued to drop the further she walked down the street. All the houses she passed looked the same; same structure, same two story, one car parked in the driveway and one single tree in the front lawn. Not one to admit her own insecurities as of recent, but she was starting to get nervous with each step she took and each stare she gave to her surroundings.

"It's a dream. I'm fucking dreaming right now." Lyra rationalized to herself as she continued walking, never once stopping as if she had lost freewill and her body did the bidding for her.

Before she knew it it was snowing. Small flakes descended from the dark sky above and slowly made their landing on the earth below her feet, quickly gathering in masses as everything around her began to be covered in soft white mounds. The cold had increased and her body warmth slowly lowered down, teeth clattering and skin shivering, Lyra wanted to run to one of the houses and go inside, yet her body continued to betray her as she marched on forward down this freezing landscape of an abandoned neighborhood.

"Wake up already!" She angrily demanded to herself, unable to handle the piercing cold. This dream of hers was just too real, all the physical sensitivities of her frail aching body were as genuine as they could get.

"Seriously what the fuck is this? Did someone lower the A/C down? What-" Her own assumptions were silenced as she stared at the house up ahead. Her house to be certain.

"What the actual fuck?"

It was her beloved home on 1216 Franklin Avenue indeed, except it looked beyond maintained. Old and decrepit it looked abandoned, almost like no one had lived there for decades, allowing nature and time to consume the wooden structure to a state of public condemnation. Standing before the very house she grew up in, Lyra felt a sudden fear that fatally struck her heart with such intensity she collapsed to her knees and hands.

With heavy gasps she looked at the old building and tried to yell out the names of her family members. No sound was heard, she screamed and yelled but her voice was gone, just a mute girl moving mouth and lips with no success.

"They're all gone."

Recognizing the voice behind her, Lyra quickly turned to see her brother. Standing still with hands in both pockets he ignored her and only stared at their home which now laid in ruin. Again she attempted to speak, but her vocals failed her once more. She tried to stand but her knees had frozen down to the ground. The snow around her became ice and it had infused itself onto her. A sharp pain overcame her as the extreme coldness of the ice pierced the very bones of her trapped legs.

"Life was too hard. It became unbearable to live here. It was either stay and continue to suffer or move out and hope to one day forget this painful past that you and I have forced the others to carry." Lemy spoke further, still refusing to see Lyra eye to eye.

"L-L...em...wh...t...s-s...ap-p...ni-i…" Her words were utterly painful to carry out, her throat was in absolute pain, every letter that she managed to say was like a sharp razor slicing the soft tissue from the inside. Before even realizing she was bleeding profusely from the mouth, the red liquid traveled from her lips to the chin before dropping down to the white snow, staining its elegant beauty with her ilk.

He finally looked at her, "Lyra...you know I will always love you."

Hearing him say those words stung her, words that she would never get to hear again in the real world. Just her memories cruelly toying with her broken heart. Once again she tried to get up but the body had become one with the ice. In fact as she added more strength to her muscles she felt her skin ripping of her body, if she wasn't clothed she was certain to have seen muscle and blood exposed. Holding back tears she reached for him, hand extended towards him, even if this was just a dream she be damned if she didn't try to touch him again, just hold his hand one last time.

Looking at her open hand, he smiled warmly at her, "Lyra, you know I'm dead. What I really want to know right now is if you are dead too?"

"N-n...no. N...Not de-dead at...a-a...all." Lyra replied despite having a mouth full of pouring blood and a shredded throat.

"What about Lupa? Is she dead to you?" Lemy sadly asked.

"No!" She rebuked the question.

"Are you sure about that? You never got along with her, always at odds with each other and now you crossed the line by wishing death on her." Lemy's accusingly glared at her.

"I…" She was speechless.

He spoke nothing but the truth. She had become a despicable person so bad that she actually wished that Lupa had died instead of him. Forget the murders, forget the incest and forget her anger towards God and turning her back on Him; saying those cruel words to Lupa was all the requirements to sent her straight to hell.

"I'm sorry." Lyra cried, lowering her head in shame, "It's so hard for me. It's just too hard to...just too hard."

"I see…" Lemy too lowered his face in sadness at her answer.

Dropping her body back to the ground the ice that held her hostage had melted away finally allowing her to move, "So what exactly do you want?" Lemy crouched and grabbed both her hands keeping them warm from this expansive winter.

"...I want you back." Lyra choked out a sob.

Lemy smiled and hugged her, a hug that she instantly embraced as both siblings who now resided in different planes of existence held on to each other for as long as possible.

"I love you. Always will in this life and the next. I wonder if you have it in you to let it go. Can you let go of all this anger and be the girl I love and miss again? Be with the family again?" He asked.

"I...don't know…" Lyra had a hard time believing that that request could be granted.

"You got all the time in the world." Lemy assured her, "Unless you go and continue being a reckless dumbass out there."

"Still planning on killing those three assholes?"

The mood changed and the wind got more colder, her sentiments over her mother still lingered about, but this new topic was one that had officially taken over her life. She made a bow on his gravestone and the moment she killed that mugger many weeks ago her fate had been sealed. What was the point of backing out now?

"I will never stop. I will avenge you." Lyra said.

"If that's what you believe then do it, but you can always back out and live on." Lemy stood up and walked away from her. A snowstorm had picked up and his figure disappeared into the whiteness probably back to the afterlife. Then again this was just a dream, how much of it was real, she would never know.

Opening her eyes, Lyra found herself laying in her bed, body stretched out, pillow on the floor and the bedsheets dangling from the far end corner. Getting up she winced at her wound and walked over to the vanity mirror.

Looking at her reflection she saw a miserable human being with no purpose other than to maim and kill. A lost soul wandering about with vengeance on her mind, that and other things as well.

"I'm such a fucking mess. Gotta regain my energy and do this the right way. No more half-assing it. I need to get serious once I'm back on the streets." She felt more determined than ever.

"I need to find that man and see what he knows and wants with me, get Terry's friend to dig up more dirt and get smart about everything in general." She continued on.

Sitting back down on her bed she recalled the conversation between her and dream Lemy. Was that just her mind processing her deepest thoughts through his image or...something else from beyond this world?

"Lemy…" That was all Lyra said as she sat in silence.

My pain is self-chosen

At least, so the prophet says

I could either burn

Or cut off my pride and buy some time

A head full of lies is the weight, tied to my waist

The river of deceit pulls down, oh oh

The only direction we flow is down