Chapter 5 - Oh Boy, It's the End of the F***ing World
"So, where to first?" the Doctor asked, leaning against the Tardis' console nonchalantly. "Forwards? Backwards? Earth? Somewhere else?"
Rose looked at me questioningly, silently asking me what I wanted. I only smiled, wanting her to choose, even though I already knew what it would be.
"Forwards," Rose answered excitedly, leaning towards the Doctor with a goofy smile on her face. She looked like a little kid who was told she could pick out her favorite candy at the store.
"How far? One hundred years?" He didn't even wait for an answer before running around the console to start the Tardis. We felt the Tardis move and after a few moments the beautiful sound of the brakes rang through the air, indicating that we had landed. "There you go, the twenty-second century." He turned to us with a smile on his face, seemingly expecting us to be impressed.
And Rose was; she had a huge smile on her face, excitement shining in her eyes at the mere thought of seeing what the world was like one hundred years in the future. Me, though? Not so much. I knew the Tardis' capabilities and a hundred years was nothing. A hundred years was a crawl to her, and I wanted to run..
"Is that the best you got?" I teased, a mock unimpressed look on my face. "I thought this was a Tardis, not a simple vortex manipulator." As soon as the insult came out of my mouth I started rubbing a hand against the Tardis' railing, hoping that she would understand that I didn't say that to upset her. I could only assume that she did, considering the feeling in the back of my head that I was quickly coming to associate with her hadn't changed from gentle happiness.
The Doctor, however, was the epitome of mock outrage, which was exactly how I hoped he would react. It seemed we were back on good terms, now that he no longer thought I was a spy, which still hurt a bit to think about. "How dare you?" he asked, dramatically placing a hand over his heart as if I had shot him.
Rose simply looked between the two of us, obviously not understanding what I said or what it meant. "I take it that was an insult?" she asked curiously.
"One of the worst! I didn't think Kaiden had it in him to be so cruel." I simply rolled my eyes at his overdramatics. "Fine, fine. You asked for it. I know exactly when to go." And then he was running around the console once more, rolling some kind of wheel thing, pumping a lever, pushin buttons like a maniac. The amount of time it took to land was a little longer than before but only slightly, which was quite surprising. I always imagined it would take longer to travel so far in time, but what did I know about time travel.
"When are we? Where are we? What's out there?" Rose asked, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Why don't we go and find out?" I asked in return, holding my hand out for her to take. Within an instant she was dragging me and the Doctor outside into a large gallery with steps leading down to a ginormous window showing off a beautiful view of Earth. It was breathtaking: the sun just peeking over the curve of the planet, the blue-so-dark-it's-almost-black space in the background, twinkling stars just barely visible. I never thought it would be possible to see such a sight with my own two eyes, yet here I was. I was speechless and I could tell Rose was too, if her gaping mouth was anything to go by.
"You humans, you always spend all your time thinking about dying. Always think you're gonna get killed by war or disease or global warming or asteroids. You never once think that maybe, just maybe, you end up surviving." He paused to let us soak in the view, most likely for dramatic effect, knowing him. "What do you think the year is Kaiden?"
"Is this a test?" I asked, but he was smiling and seemed to be teasing so I didn't take it too seriously. "I don't remember the correct wording, it was something stupid." I stage whispered the last part to Rose, who giggled in response and I was rewarded with an eye roll from the Doctor. "But I do know that we are about five billion years in the future."
"Right," he said, sounding surprised but hiding it well. "And the year is five point five slash apple slash twenty six."
"Apple?" Rose asked me, clearly very confused.
"I told you it was stupid," I answered.
The Doctor must not have heard our little exchange or simply chose to ignore us because he just continued on with his speech. "And this is the day the Sun expands." As if on cue, and knowing him he probably timed it just right, the sun flared up instantly and turned red in a flash of blinding light. "Welcome to the end of the world."
A bit over dramatic for my taste but I decided not to comment as I was a bit distracted with staring at the beautiful red sun until my eyes began to burn. Rose appeared to be in the same boat, an awed look plastered on her face. The Doctor, however, wasn't even looking at the sun; he was simply watching Rose and me, a fond look on his face before he caught me looking and quickly schooled his features into something more neutral. It was quite sweet, actually, how much he already cared for Rose but was trying to hide it. And I did my best to ignore the little pang I felt over that, deciding that it was not something I wanted to think about. It was easier to just shove it in a box and forget about it, like I did with all those nasty little emotions I didn't want to feel. Was that healthy? Probably not, but here we were.
Our little peaceful moment was interrupted by a speaker overhead. "Shuttles now docking. Guests are reminded that the use of weapons, teleportation, and religion are strictly prohibited. Earth death is scheduled for fifteen thirty five, followed by drinks in the Manchester Suite."
"Wait, no religion?" I asked, confused as to why that would be categorized alongside weapons.
"Well, it is supposed to be a neutral zone. Religion tends to not be a very neutral topic," the Doctor answered, obviously trying his best to be tactful, which isn't exactly his strong suit.
You know, now that I actually thought about it, that did make sense.
"And by guests it means…?" Rose asked.
"People," the Doctor helpfully supplied, earning an eye roll from me and Rose.
"I think Rose was asking if the guests were going to be human or not. The answer is no, they're going to be aliens."
"Okay." She seemed to be taking it pretty well but I had no idea how long that would last, especially once she was actually face to face with said aliens.
"But what are they doing here?" she asked.
"The great and the good are gathering here today to watch the planet burn."
"You mean the rich," I corrected with a smirk.
"Precisely."
I hadn't even realized we were walking until we came upon a closed door with a security panel on the side. The Doctor quickly got to work opening it with his sonic and then we were walking into what appeared to be another gallery that was much larger than the previous one.
"How long's it got?" Rose asked, sounding sad all of a sudden.
"About half an hour."
"Is that why we're here? To save it?"
"Rose," I said softly, taking her hands in mine and turning her to look me in the eyes. "Everything has it's time. Everything lives and everything dies and there's no changing that."
I could tell that answer didn't cheer her up much. I was just about to try something else when the Doctor interrupted me. "Think about it this way; the death of this star and these planets will fuel the births of so many more. Life will go on, just in different shapes and forms."
And wow, wasn't that poetic. Plus, it seemed to help Rose, although just a little bit, for now at least.
"Who the hell are you?" a blue man interrupted our heartfelt moment, clearly not very happy with our presence. He side-eyed us as if we were dragged in off the streets. I mean, we didn't dress up for a social gathering of the rich and elite but it wasn't as if we were filthy.
The Doctor must have picked up on it too because he raised his eyebrows and replied sarcastically, "that's nice. Thanks for that. Is that how you treat your guests?"
The blue man's demeanor instantly changed, as sudden as a light switch, and he exuded all the charm one would expect from the steward of such an event. "My apologies. You are earlier than expected of the guests," he explained with casual dismissal. "Well, if you are here, we should begin introductions. Your names?"
"Of course. I'm the Doctor and these are my plus two, Kaiden Tenhoff and Rose Tyler," he answered, flipping open a notepad containing nothing but a piece of blank paper. Despite the lack of an invitation, the man simply nodded his head in acceptance, as if the blank paper was sufficient. Right, psychic paper, almost forgot about that.
Rose looked at the Doctor questioningly. "It's psychic paper," he said, as if that answer cleared everything up for her. She didn't think so either because she rolled her eyes and looked at me for a more helpful answer.
"It shows people what you want them to see, like a badge or invitation. It can be tricky though, 'cause you have to differentiate between what your consciousness wants and what your subconsciousness wants." I inwardly laughed at the memory of Jack showing Rose a piece of paper with his number on it instead of his supposed credentials. It's weird to think that it's a memory even though it hasn't happened yet.
"And he was blue, right?"
"Yep," I answered, although it didn't seem like much of a question. She seemed to be having a bit of trouble wrapping her head around it, but she was doing better than I expected considering she was thrown into all of this head first.
"So alien paper and alien stewards and alien time travelling spaceships. Right." She seemed a little out of it, as if voicing her thoughts rather than consciously talking. I put my hand on her arm to hopefully try to ground her and bring her back to reality.
"Yeah. You got it," the Doctor exclaimed, a huge happy smile on his face, completely oblivious to what she was actually feeling.
Once again we were interrupted by the steward, this time by him starting his round of introductions. And I guess I couldn't be too upset with him considering he was just doing his job. Still, it seemed like Rose needed a bit more time to adjust before we brought out more alien people, but it seemed like that wasn't gonna happen now. Oh well, she'll just have to get used to it, and I was sure she will. She was Rose Tyler after all.
"In attendance we have the Doctor, Kaiden Tenhoff, and Rose Tyler. All staff to their ready positions please." A group of smaller blue beings scurried around, trying to get everything ready for last minute preparations. I absently wondered if it would be rude for me to consider them cute. "For our next honored guests, we have representatives of the Forest of Cheam: namely Jabe, Lute, and Coffa. The exchange of gifts shall begin."
Taking their introduction as their cue, three people entered the gallery room; a female looking tree followed by two male looking ones who appeared to be her escorts. Was it weird that I was seriously attracted to all three of them? I mean, they were gorgeous but also trees? Would anything sexual even work? And this was not the line of thinking I needed to be focusing on right now. 'Like, holy shit, get your head out of the gutter. But damn, would I climb either one of them like a tree. Ha! I see what I did there!'
I tuned back into my surroundings only to realize that Rose had said something that I had missed. "What?" I asked, trying to catch up with the conversation
"We didn't bring any gifts," she hissed, sounding slightly panicked.
"Don't worry. I'm great at improvising," the Doctor assured her, a smug smirk on his face.
"I don't know if I'd say great. I think adequate would be more accurate. And it definitely depends on the situation." I stopped my babbling when I noticed the glare I was receiving from him, but it was teasing thankfully, more so than I would have expected given our recent transgressions, so hopefully this meant we were progressing back to the blossoming friendship we had before.
The blue saliva man had been introduced, I think his name was Moxy or something, and was already travelling some ways behind Jabe and her escorts and the steward was currently introducing the Adherents of the Repeated Meme, whose very presence rubbed me the wrong way. I remembered who they really were and what they were up to, which helped me to sober up a bit more. I needed to focus on what was going on here if I was going to help the Doctor and Rose save these people.
Jabe and her escorts, Lute and Coffa, approached the three of us with friendly smiles on their faces and I was shocked once again by how beautiful they all were. Like, wow. "As the gift of peace, I give you a cutting of my grandfather," she explained, which I would have assumed was a very intimate thing, before handing it to me of all people. I was shocked because I had assumed, expected really, that she would hand it to the Doctor. I quickly regained my composure to blurt out, "we are honored by your gift." I had no idea if that was right or not, but she seemed happy enough.
When her look became slightly expectant, I remembered that we were supposed to give a gift in exchange. At that moment, my mind completely blanked and I had no idea what to do. I couldn't remember what the Doctor had originally gifted her or would give her I suppose and I had nothing useful on me. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, silently begging for a little help here. I was slightly afraid that he would leave me to flounder for my little remark earlier, but he thankfully came to my aid, and damn it I was not a damsel in distress.
He cleared his throat, attracting the attention of the three trees. "I give you air from my lungs." He breathed right in Jabe's face, which would have been considered rude by human standards, but she actually blushed. Or at least, I thought she was blushing; the bark on her face seemed slightly greener.
"How intimate," she commented, and oh she was definitely blushing. She smiled shyly at the Doctor and then at me, before giving Rose a polite nod and walking away with her escorts.
"Only adequate at improvising, huh?" the Doctor quipped, giving me a friendly nudge. Rose began to laugh, of all things, which only worsened when I rolled my eyes and muttered a quick shut up, but I couldn't help smiling at the both of them and their teasing.
As I watched Jabe walk away, I could barely pay attention to the new guest approaching us. I suddenly, vividly remembered how she died. My body froze, my heart felt like it stopped, my hands clenched around the little pot in my hands so hard I was surprised it didn't break. She hadn't died though; no, she was going to die. Oh my god, she was going to die!
The blue man in front of me, the one who had spit at Rose as his gift, was going to die. All of these real, living, breathing people, who no doubt had friends and families, people that would mourn them, could die. It suddenly hit me like a knife to the heart, that this was all very, extremely real. These people were real, the dangers they would face, the dangers I would face, were real.
And if that wasn't bad enough, I began to think about Rose and the Doctor. 'They could die. Oh my god, they could really die! What if my presence changes things so drastically that they die?! It would be all my fault!' I looked down at the little pot in my hands, the one that had been handed to me instead of the Doctor, and realized that things were already changing. Little things would become big things and big things would become my friends dying because of me.
I was on the verge of a very large, very long overdue panic attack; hyperventilating, pounding heart, sweating, all encompassing panic, the whole shebang. I tried to push it down, to lock it back up in that little box where it belonged, I really did, but it was just too much. You can only fight against the tide for so long before it drowns you, and the tide always wins in the end. The breaking point was Rose, with her gentle hand on my shoulder, her worried eyes boring into mine, her kind voice asking if I was okay. It was too much. I had to get away. It was just too much.
"Stay with the Doctor," I begged, handing her the pot. "Please. I'll be right back." Before she or the Doctor, who was also visibly concerned which just made everything so much worse, could respond I had run off in a random direction, no destination in mind. I didn't think about where I was going or how I would get back. The only thing running through my mind was the desperate, aching, overwhelming need to be alone, despite knowing logically that it would just make everything worse to be alone with my thoughts.
When I had run for what felt like hours to my panicked mind, I collapsed on a stone bench in an empty observatory room. I curled in on myself and brought my legs to my chest, desperate for something to hold onto, for some semblance of comfort that I wouldn't allow myself to accept from my friends. It didn't help; all it did was make it even harder to breathe.
I tried not to think of all the terrible monsters that existed in this universe, all the terrible things that could happen. I tried not to think of all the terrible things that I knew would happen to Rose and the Doctor, all the pain and agony and misery that they would experience. I tried not to think of how much it was going to hurt when I eventually lost them both, and I was going to lose them; I knew exactly how and when and where, but I didn't know if I could stop it. Unfortunately, as much as I tried, I failed miserably in keeping these thoughts away and they caused me to weep, which came out as sobs due to the fact that I was still hyperventilating.
And that was definitely a problem that I was having difficulty getting under control. No matter how much I thought of my breathing techniques, no matter how much I tried to focus on them and be rational about this situation, I just could not calm down for the life of me.
But then I heard a voice in my head. It was counting, urging me to follow along. It was like a life raft being guided towards me to keep me from drowning and I latched onto it like my life depended on it. I put all of my focus into counting along with it, ignoring everything else, including the fear of an unknown, yet strangely familiar, voice speaking to me telepathically. If they were helping me with a panic attack then they couldn't be too bad, right?
When I calmed down enough that I didn't feel so out of control or that my heart would beat out of my chest, I decided to find out some more about the mystery voice in my head. "Who are you?" I asked inside my mind, which was weird. My instincts told me to speak out loud but I knew I only had to think for them to hear me.
"Do you not recognize me, my dear?" the voice asked playfully, but I could tell there was a bit of hurt hiding underneath.
"You seem familiar, but I can't quite place why. It'd probably help if I saw you or knew your name."
"I am the Face of Boe."
"Jack?!" I asked, surprise and excitement making me ask the question out loud as well. A big grin spread across my face.
"So you do recognize me." And I could tell he was smiling as well, although I wasn't sure how. Maybe it was just the warmth that was in his voice.
"Well, yes. I just hadn't realized. It's nice to meet you!"
"Meet me?" he asked, perplexed.
"Yeah. I haven't met you yet. Actually, this is the first adventure Rose and I have been on with the Doctor."
"You know, now that I think about it, that does explain a few things."
"Like what?" I asked, my curiosity piqued by possible information of my own future. My foreknowledge pertained to everyone but me, which was both frustrating and fortunate.
"Nuh uh," he said. Although I couldn't see his face, I got the distinct impression that he was smirking.
Then there was a memory of me, that I had no recollection of, being played in my head from the perspective of someone else, so I could only assume it was coming from Jack. The Kaiden in his memory looked the same as I do so this must not have been very far from now and damn was it weird to look at myself from this angle. He was rolling his eyes, an exasperated but clearly fond smile on his face.
"You know I can't tell you about your own future Jack," memory Kaiden said, sounding as if he'd had this conversation before.
"Why not?" memory jack asked from behind the viewpoint, sounding like he was pouting, which I was sure he was.
Memory Kaiden's fond smile morphed into a wicked smirk and he simply said, "spoilers."
And then the memory ended as abruptly as it had started, leaving me a little bit disoriented, especially in the wake of my panic attack. "So to quote you, 'spoilers.'" Oh, I definitely knew he was grinning now, probably the same wicked smirk as memory Kaiden's.
"It's not exactly fair to quote something I haven't even said yet," I argued, despite knowing I was fighting a losing battle. If he didn't want to tell me anything, I doubted I could get him to. Besides, it was probably for the best that I didn't know my future. Number one rule of time travel and all that.
I sat alone with my thoughts for a few moments, trying to organize them in order to prevent another panic attack. Although Jack didn't say anything else, I could still feel his presence in my mind, like the Tardis, and it was quite soothing. It felt like we were sitting together in companionable silence, as if he was really right beside me and not only in my head.
"How did you know I was having a panic attack?" I asked him.
"I saw you run out of the observation room with a distraught look on your face. I probed along the edges of your mind and saw that you were having a panic attack and I assumed I could help."
"You know I should probably be upset that you read my mind without permission, but I trust you so." I shrugged before realizing that he probably couldn't see the action, or maybe he could tell I had shrugged, like when I could just kinda tell when he was smiling. Hell, it wasn't as if I knew how telepathy worked or anything.
"You trust someone that you've just met?" he asked.
"Well, just because this is the first time I've met you doesn't mean I don't know you. Foreknowledge, remember?"
"Of course," he answered with a chuckle. And it was weird hearing it inside my head, as if it was ringing in my bones. I liked it. And it was a nice laugh, like the Doctor's; it made me feel warm inside, like sitting by a fireplace on a cold winter night with a cup of tea and a good book.
"Hey Jack?" I asked.
He gave a hum in response and again I felt it vibrate through my bones. A shiver ran down my spine but I wrote that off as being residual adrenaline from my panic attack making its way out of my system.
"Do you know how I can get back to the main observation room? I think I've been gone long enough. Don't want to worry Rose and the Doctor, especially with how I ran out. Not to mention the attack robots on the loose." Ooh, I didn't mean to let that last part slip out. Damn, it was a lot harder to control your thoughts than your words.
"Do you mean the Adherents of the Repeated Meme?"
"How did you know?" I asked, incredulous. "Oh god, have they-"
"Nothing's happened yet, Kaiden. Calm down. Everything's fine." His voice was very soothing and helped me to stave off the panic that was threatening to return at the thought of anything happening to Rose because I had run off. "I don't make it a habit of intruding on people's minds, but as a telepath I am always aware of them. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme, however, are blank, empty. There is nothing there, not even a wall like there would be with a shielded individual. I made an assumption that they were robots and you helped prove that. I have no idea who is controlling them or why they are here. I'm sure you do but I doubt you'll tell me that." He didn't sound upset by that fact so I didn't bother with an apology or explanation. He'd probably heard them all before anyways.
"And yes, I know the way back to the observation room. Take the next two rights, then a left after three openings, then go down a hallway until you come to a door on the left, and then it'll be the next right."
I tried to follow along as best as I could, I really did, but I'd always been a very visual person. Hearing instructions rambled off like that just would not work for me. "I hope you know that you're going to have to repeat that about five more times."
"Believe me, I do," he said, sounding fondly exasperated.
I was making my way back to the observation room with the help of Jack's patient assistance. He clearly had a lot of experience with giving me directions in a way I could easily understand. And my stupid brain just had to suggest that this was probably a very emotional experience for him since I had surely been dead for ages and ages. Oh boy, I did not need to add the thought of my own death and my friend's grief to my still troubled mess of a mind.
Thankfully, I had a distraction in the form of the steward making an interruption once again. "Would the owner of the blue police box in private gallery fifteen please report there immediately?" He sounded exasperated and I quickly remembered that there had been mention of teleportation being prohibited. Oops.
With a quick word with Jack, he helped me change directions to head for the gallery instead. If I wanted to find the Doctor and Rose, that was surely where they'd be.
I must have been farther than I thought because the Doctor was already directing the little assistants while they moved the Tardis. And Rose was nowhere in sight, of course. 'Damn it! I told her to stay with the Doctor, but noo, she just had to run off.'
I heard Jack chuckle inside my mind. "That does sound like Rose," he remarked, sounding sad underneath his fond exasperation. 'Damn, I'm gonna need to give him a hug after all this.' I couldn't imagine losing my friends only to see them again and not have them know who I am. I tried to smile at him inside of my mind, but I just ended up smiling for real, still unused to telepathic communication. I could only hope that it got the message across.
I pulled myself back out to the real world though because if the Doctor was here by himself, then that meant Rose was all alone somewhere. If anything happened to her...I didn't even want to think about it. She was like a little sister to me and there was no way I was gonna lose here, not now or ever. I forced myself to not think about the Canary Wharf episode that was surely in our future.
"Where's Rose?" I asked the Doctor.
"Kaiden! There you are!" He turned to me, completely ignoring the little ticket he was being handed. "Where were you?" he asked, seemingly genuinely concerned.
"I just needed some time to think and process all this, you know?" I waved a hand around vaguely, as if that would properly convey what I meant.
He simply raised an eyebrow, so it seemed the gesture wasn't as understandable as I had hoped. "Really? 'Cause you didn't seem to be having any trouble with aliens before."
"Aliens?" I asked, bewildered. "I don't care about the aliens and shit. It's more the fact that this is real, all these people are real, the things that happen to them are real. This isn't a TV show, it's real life." Okay, so maybe I was rambling and babbling a bit, but I really needed to talk to someone about this. I probably seemed pretty crazy considering the assistants had all stopped to stare at me, but I ignored them.
"Ah." He nodded, although he didn't seem to completely understand. But how could he? This had always been his life, it had always been real to him, not like me or Rose. Speaking of…
"Where's Rose?" I asked again, trying to get an answer this time and not be side tracked once more.
"She ran off shortly after you. I think it all just became a bit too much for her." Surprisingly, he didn't sound too snobby about her being overwhelmed. Maybe he was learning faster than before.
"Alright. I'm gonna go look for her. You should come join us when you're done." After a nod from the Doctor, I began to walk away, noticing two metal spiders scuttle along the ceiling. 'Right. I forgot about those fucks. As if I didn't have enough problems to deal with.'
"Jack?" I called in my mind. I could still sense his presence in my head, but it was faint, as if he was only barely there. He was probably giving me some privacy, which I appreciated. As much as I trusted him, which was weird since I had technically only just met him despite knowing who he was, it was nice to have some privacy inside my own mind.
"Yes," he answered, his presence becoming slightly more prominent in my head. And that was nice too. It was comforting in a way, like being wrapped in a warm blanket while listening to a thunderstorm. The Tardis' presence had the same effect, although hers was more like that feeling of coming home after being away for too long.
I shook my head, trying to clear away my strange thoughts. I needed to focus. "Do you think you could help me find Rose?" A part of me felt bad for treating him like a glorified GPS, but I pushed it aside. I was sure he'd want to make sure she was okay just as much as I did.
"Of course," he answered before patiently directing me to where she was.
I walked down a long stretch of hallway before coming to the door that Jack said she was behind. "I'm sorry," I blurted out loud. At his questioning nudge, I continued, somewhat embarrassed by my outburst, "I can't imagine how hard it must be, seeing the Doctor and Rose and me after so long. Not to mention they don't even know you 'cause they haven't met you yet."
He seemed surprised for a second before quickly hiding it and I had no idea what that could have been about. "It is hard, yes. But I'm just thankful that I get to see you all again." He sounded sad, of course, but for some reason I got the distinct Impression that he was keeping something from me. I didn't want to pry, though, so I let it drop and focused more on the current situation of making sure that Rose was okay, both physically and mentally.
"Hey Rose, you in there?" I called out, not wanting to disturb her if she wanted to be left alone. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah." She didn't sound like she had been crying so that was good at least. I never really knew how to comfort a crying person.
I pushed a button on the side panel that seemed like it would open the door and I was rewarded with a woosh sound as it slid open. Rose was sitting on the steps facing the window, her back to me so I couldn't see her face. She didn't seem that tense so hopefully she wasn't too upset. I sat next to her, trying to focus on her rather than the beautiful view of the dying sun in front of us.
"How're you doing, love?" I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb her too much.
"Everyone's just so…" she paused, clearly struggling for a word that would fit. "They're just so alien. I mean, you look at 'em and they're aliens."
"Crazy thought here, but maybe that's 'cause they're aliens." Okay, I definitely deserved that smack to the arm, but she didn't have to hit so hard.
"You know what I meant," she grumbled, her arms crossed over her chest.
"Yeah, I did. But come on Rose, you must have expected some weird looking people when we said aliens."
"Yeah, of course, but they're weirder than I thought they would be! I mean, the steward is blue, yeah, but he still looks like a human. And that Jabe lady is a tree, but she's a human-looking tree, you know? But then there's a giant head in a tank and a piece of skin with lips and a brain in a jar. It's all just so weird, too weird." She put her head in her hands, clearly overwhelmed.
I put my hand on her shoulder, hoping to offer some semblance of comfort. "I know it's weird, Rose, but it's not as weird as you think it is. You'll get used to it."
She looked up just to glare at me. "That's easy for you to say. You don't seem bothered at all."
"Think about it this way," I started, deciding it would be easier to explain rather than to just try to force her to understand or hope for the best. "They may look different, very different even, but they still have families and friends and people they love. They have communities and governments and homes. They're still people, just like us."
"Huh." She had a thoughtful look on her face and I could practically see the gears moving as she thought it over. "I guess that makes sense." I knew she wouldn't have too much difficulty accepting aliens; she was too kind, too much of a good person to do otherwise.
"But why do they all speak English?"
"They don't speak English, that's just what you hear," the Doctor interrupted before I could think of a good way to explain this particular revelation to Rose. He sat down on her other side and continued before I could interject, completely oblivious to the glare I was sending his way. "The Tardis translates for you, so that you hear English and they hear whatever language they speak."
Rose took a few moments to process this before coming to the conclusion I knew she would have. "So, what you're saying is that your ship is inside my head, changing my thoughts and words and shit." Oh man, she was not happy about that.
"Yeah, but in a good way," the Doctor unhelpfully supplied, as if that would fix everything, which it definitely did not.
"Right, of course, because that's definitely a good thing. Sorry, my mistake," she remarked sarcastically.
Before the Doctor could make another, not doubt stupid, comment, I talked over him, "Rose, I know this must be scary, but the Tardis isn't some rogue machine reading your mind or what not. She's alive, sentient even. She's only translating for you to help you interact with everyone. She doesn't mean anything malicious by it."
"And you're sure?" she asked, her voice portraying that she was more scared than anything else.
"Yeah," I responded. Maybe it was just because I knew who the Tardis was and how amazing she was, or maybe it was the fact that I could feel her in my head, her presence nothing but soothing and comforting; either way, I knew she was kind and trustworthy. "If you trust me then you can trust her."
That seemed to win Rose over, somewhat. She would probably just have to see the Tardis' kindness for herself. I glanced over at the Doctor to see his reaction to what I had to say about the Tardis. He looked stunned, but in a good way, and he gave me a big smile that did not cause my heart to flutter. It did make sense though, why he'd be so happy with the praise considering the Tardis was his constant companion and friend.
It was a nice, peaceful moment for all of one minute before I noticed how antsy Rose was, like there was something she wanted to say but didn't know if she should. I gave her a little nudge because this was probably one of our last few moments of peace and quiet before everything started to go downhill. "Who are you Doctor?" she blurted out, like she was ripping a bandaid off. "What species are you? Where are you from?" Okay, not the question I thought she was gonna ask. Maybe I shouldn't have given her that nudge after all.
The Doctor shifted around anxiously, clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning. "I'm just the Doctor."
"Yeah, but what planet are you from?" she pestered, hellbent on finding answers. As much as I loved her, it was always a nightmare when she got like this, her and her mother both. God, please don't tell them I said that.
"Why does it matter? It's not as if you'd know it anyways," he snapped.
"Why won't you tell me?" And now Rose was getting angry too. Okay, I had to step in before this really turned into a yelling match.
"Rose." I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.
Unfortunately, all this did was bring her focus to me, which was the last thing I wanted. "What? Don't you want answers? We don't know anything about him!" I tried to school my features but she saw right through me. "You know, don't you?" she asked, sounding slightly incredulous, which was a bit overdramatic. She turned to the Doctor. "So you told him and not me?"
"Rose," I tried again, bringing her attention back to me. I saw the fire in her eyes and I knew she wasn't going to let this go, especially if she thought she was the only one left out of the loop. I sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be a fun conversation. "Doctor, can we have a minute please?" He looked like he was going to interject, so I beat him to it. "Please," I begged. I tried to make him understand that I wouldn't tell her anything but I just thought that it would be easier to explain without him looming over us.
It seemed like he got the message, or maybe he just trusted me which seemed like too much to hope for at this point, but either way he walked to the other side of the room and gave the view his full attention. I sighed in relief and turned back to Rose, who was staring at me with the intensity of a sun.
"Rose. The Doctor didn't tell me anything; I just knew, like how I knew about Mickey." I paused, trying to find the right words without saying more than I should, more than I had a right to know, let alone say. "Look, the Doctor's been through some shit, like a lot. Shit we can't even begin to understand or relate to. And he's afraid, afraid of letting you in, afraid of opening himself up. So just, cut him some slack. He'll tell you his past when he's ready." I cleared my throat, the words hitting a little too close to home for me. I, too, was afraid of opening myself up, of letting people in. It was a struggle I knew all too well, had known all my life.
Rose pulled my mind out of the past. "How can I trust him when I know nothing about him?" she asked in a small voice and it reminded me just how young she really was, only a couple years out of high school.
I smiled at her and squeezed her arm reassuringly. "He's a great guy, I promise. Besides, you have great instincts Rose, even if they did lead you to that stupid boyfriend of yours." She punched my arm again and it was like the rain clouds parted to let the sunshine through; she was back to her normal self.
I stood up and helped her to her feet, doing my best to ignore the announcement that the Earth's death would be in twenty five minutes and the cold rush of dread that followed it. It wouldn't be long now until everything went up in flames like it always does. Oblivious to my inner turmoil, Rose pulled me over to the Doctor, who had stood up to greet us.
"Sorry I pushed so much. Your past isn't any of my business. Besides, my mate Shareen always told me not to argue with the designated driver and it's not like I can call a cab all the way out here," she said with a laugh. Her little joke did wonders to break the tension that had been creeping up on us.
The Doctor smiled at her, showing he accepted her apology. "That reminds me. Give me your phone." He held out his hand for it, barely waiting for a response.
Rose, surprisingly, handed it over with only a bit of hesitation. It seemed like she was really trying to make an effort to get along with the Doctor after their little fight, although I couldn't tell if it was just for my sake or not.
He took the back off of Rose's phone and started messing around with bits of wires and stuff. I couldn't quite make heads or tails of what he was doing exactly. "Alrighty, a little tinkering here, a little fiddling there, and just a little bit of jiggery pokery." I hid a snort behind my hand, but not well enough because the Doctor still heard and gave me a little smile for my efforts.
"Jiggery pokery?" Rose asked, an eyebrow raised at the childness of the situation. "Is that a technical term?"
"Oh, you betcha. I got an A+ in jiggery pokery I'll have you know." He answered with mock seriousness, although the fact that he had his screwdriver in his mouth diminished the effect just a bit. It was quite endearing actually, if I must admit. Rose and I couldn't help but chuckle at him, which earned us quite the toothy grin when he finally finished and handed Rose her phone back. "There you go. That should work now."
"Go on, give it a try." I gave her a little push when she stood there incredulously, as if she couldn't believe what she was being told. To be fair, it was pretty incredible to think that you could call someone millions of years in the past. With another slight push, she moved to the other side of the room and called her mom.
"Now it's your turn." He held out his hand for my phone and it took me a few seconds to realize what was happening. I shook myself awake from the staring contest I was having with his hand and gave him my phone. Even after all the years I had spent in this decade it was still shocking to see flip phones be frequently used.
The silence between us while he messed around with my phone was deafening, the sound of Rose talking to her mom not nearly enough to drown out the sheer awkwardness that I felt. So I did what I always did in situations like this and blurted out, "I'm sorry about before. It wasn't really my place to talk to Rose about your past, I just didn't really know what else to say."
"Well, I actually thought you handled it all rather well." There was that little smile again that made my breath get caught in my throat, forcing me to choke on it to keep myself composed. The Doctor was thankfully oblivious to my internal struggle and continued on. "How much do you know about my past?" he asked in a small voice, as if he couldn't say the words any louder.
"Oh, uh, well quite a bit I'd say. Probably not all of it, but maybe like a good amount you know."
"So you know about Gallifrey? About what happened to it?"
"Yeah, yeah I do. If you ever wanna talk, I'm here for you." I put my hand on his arm, trying to convey the sincerity in my words. I really did mean them and I wanted him to know that.
"And you don't care? You still wanna travel with me after knowing what I did?" His voice was so quiet now, like a child waiting to be scolded. I knew how much he blamed himself for what happened on Gallifrey, but I didn't. It was the only choice he had, the only thing he could do, and I understood that. I respected the sacrifice he had to make and I would never hold that against him.
"Oh Doctor. I understand what happened. I understand why you did what you did, why you used the Moment." Before I could explain further, Rose came back and exclaimed that Jackie wanted to speak with me. I put the phone to my ear and overheard her whisper to the Doctor, "what did I miss?" before I walked away. She must have felt the slight tension between us.
"Hey Jackie."
"Kaiden, is everything alright? It's not like Rose to call me asking what day it is." She sounded worried and I quickly tried to think of a way to cover for Rose while not lying; well not lying necessarily.
"Everything's fine, Jackie. We're just out with some friends and Rose wanted to see how you were doing, is all."
"Uh, huh." She didn't exactly sound convinced and I was fully prepared for her to push for answers, but she surprised me. "Alright, well you too be safe, alright?"
"Will do Jacks, I promise."
We made our goodbyes and I handed the phone back to Rose so she could do the same. Then the three of us were left in that awkward, suffocating silence from before. Luckily, the Doctor was quick to break it. "If you two think that's amazing, then you should see the bill," he chuckled. Rose and I were saved from having to respond when the entire space station shook like an earthquake.
"That's not supposed to happen," the Doctor said, looking at both of us with wide eyes.
Knowing what was about to happen in the next twenty minutes, I would have much rather preferred the awkward silence.
A/N
Hey guys! I know it's been a long time since I've updated. I've been going through a lot of stuff. I actually came out as trans and so I decided to make the main character in this story a trans man instead, just in case anyone was confused about the change in name and pronouns. I adjusted some of the previous chapters, but nothing too important so you don't have to reread them or anything. It's been a challenge for me to work on this story because I started writing it as an escape from reality. I no longer feel like I need to escape from my life so I'm learning how to enjoy writing without that. As always, please let me know if you have any critiques or if there are any grammar errors or such. Please enjoy!