Together Forever
Forever is a long time, even for trees. And forever seems to be how long a certain tree has stood tall over the quaint home built over a very special place for Mrs. and Mrs. Noceda. It's the tree where they had their first dance, and the same tree where they would often go just to spend their evenings together after school. It's even where they decided to get married.
It's a tree with "A + L" carved into the bark of it, a carving that seems to have also been there forever. At least, that's how Amity feels as she takes some time on this cool, sunny morning to appreciate the tree she's come to love so much over the years. It's been 93 since she first danced here with Luz, back when she was still scared to ask her out, and it's been at least 91 since those initials were carved. In a way, it feels like a lifetime ago. In another, it seems like yesterday.
As nice as it would be to go back to when she was a little younger and spryer, that's just not how life works. Even witches get old at some point.
Unfortunately, humans get old too. And they get old a lot quicker than witches.
Amity tries not to let her thoughts become too morbid though as she sucks in a deep breath of the morning air. She has to make what time she has left good, she's come to terms with that already. And truth be told, she does have a good feeling about today. Like there's not much to worry about.
Even so, she decides it's time to go back inside to begin her daily routine, starting with breakfast. Not for herself, but for her beloved wife. She isn't even sure if she's awake yet, and she'll feel a little bad for waking her up if she isn't; but she knows Luz will forgive her once she sees that she's prepared her favorite dish of Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Even at 107 years old, she still has the pallet of a child.
Amity feels her heart grow a little heavy with the steps she takes through the quiet house to the guest room. Or, it used to be the guest room anyway, back when Luz was able to ascend stairs on her own. That was also back when they were able to run and have light spell fights all throughout the halls. Back when they could dance with the music turned up so loud that Principal Bump would call from Hexside with noise complaints. Back when Azura would pitter patter her little feet back and forth between her two mothers when she was just learning to walk…
That's all in the past though. With a heavy sigh, she remembers to try and stay optimistic about the present as she approaches Luz's door. Three gentle knocks rap against the hardwood. "Luz?" she quietly says.
There's no response. She's learned not to get too anxious about not hearing anything back, but there's always a little fear in not hearing anything from her. She hopes to absolve it quickly as she cautiously creaks the door open, looking inside to find that her wife is still in her bed. She studies her for a moment, holding her breath to keep from getting too nervous.
A little rise of the sheets shows that she's still breathing though, so she quietly sighs with relief as she makes her way inside the room. Amity wishes she could do more to make it smell the way it used to, but the strong odors that come with her wife's many medicines are a small price to pay to keep her going strong. Strong as a woman as sick as she is can be, at least.
Medicine won't help without food though, so she bites the bullet and decides to go ahead and wake Luz up. She can go back to sleep if she needs to. There's more important things to take care of first. "Luz? Honey?" she beckons as she gently reaches for her shoulder through the blankets. There's a little moan as her human wife rolls over, exposing her wrinkled, paling face.
"Not now, Eda. I've almost got it," she moans, clinging to the threads of a disappearing dream.
"No, Luz. It's me. Your wife," Amity lets her know, being patient as her eyes flutter open to take on the waking world once again. She takes a moment to fully come to, but once she does, she meets her wife's look of concern with a soft smile. A lot of things have changed over their lifetime together. The color of the hairs on their heads, the number of wrinkles on their faces. One thing that's stayed the same however is that smile that adorns Luz Noceda's face, and it makes Amity melt the same way now that it did almost a century ago.
She loses herself in it the same way too, forgetting for a moment why Luz has to wake up in the first place. But the sad realization breaks her reverie. Thankfully, it doesn't keep her attention too long though, because Luz speaks up. "Oh, sorry. I was having the heat spell hot dog dream again," she says, her voice raspy and tired. Even so, there's mirth in her tone as she slowly sits herself up straight. "In my defense, you are a foxy cougar gal though."
She's got enough spunk to flirt today, so that's a good sign. "So much for a filter," Amity teases back, brushing a stray grey hair behind her ear as if she was still a nervous teen.
"Who needs a filter when you're my age?" Luz jokes, and for a short while, Amity forgets she's even sick. But only for a short while. She starts coughing a little, not a lot, but still enough to remind her wife the severity of her condition.
Caretaker mode activates, and she puts aside flirting for the practical delivery of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. "I brought your favorite."
"Ohhhh yeah. Sweet stegosaurus meat," Luz says, rubbing her hands together to show her enthusiasm. Before she can ever take a moment to start dining though, she starts coughing again, this time a little more. It manages to subside soon enough, but it's still enough to worry Amity.
"How are you feeling today?" she asks next.
Her worry is eased slightly as Luz is able to finally start eating, all while wearing a smile. "I feel pretty good for some reason. Maybe because I woke up to your pretty face."
Not only does the blatantly cheesy compliment make Amity's heart beat a little faster, but so does the display of energy. She loves seeing her wife act like her old self. "I feel pretty good today, too," she simply tells her, blushing slightly. "Now eat up. You've got to keep your strength."
Luz happily complies. Dinosaur chicken nuggets are easy to take, after all. So she eats them, making some dumb jokes about T-Rex arms and remembering the time she read a fanfic about She-Ra fighting dinosaurs to Azura and her friends. Amity laughs, listening contently in between glances at the world outside their window.
It really is such a lovely day, the weather is perfect. If things were different, the two wives would make their way out right now to go get into some sort of wacky adventure. Or maybe they'd just go have a picnic by the tree, or take turns pushing Azura on her swing.
Things aren't the way they used to be though. So she just keeps those thoughts to herself as Luz finishes up her meal. Like clockwork, she takes all of her medicine afterwards, her hands shaking as she opens her pill containers and magic elixirs one by one. Amity used to have to fight her to get her to down the stuff, but at some point, she just accepted the harsh reality that is her illness.
The quietness between them is broken as Luz starts coughing again, this time harshly and uncontrollably. Amity gives her a moment to see if she'll be okay, but not long before standing up to get her a drink as quickly as she can. As she tries to get Luz to take it though, she resists with a halting gesture. "I'm fine," she manages to say, but the coughs keep coming, even as she tries to cover her mouth. "I said I'm fine!" she persists as Amity keeps the drink in front of her.
She doesn't take no for an answer though. "Just take a drink," she firmly argues, not putting up with any stubbornness today.
When she gets a moment of relief, Luz reluctantly accepts the cup of medicinal tea. The stuff used to taste like garbage when Emira first gave them the recipe for it, but after so many months of downing the stuff (more for Amity's peace of mind than her own), she's become used to it.
Amity can see that there's some anger in her eyes over what just happened, but she doesn't blame her. How could she? If the roles were reversed, she would hate having to stay in bed all day feeling miserable and having to have someone nurse her. Luz doesn't think about it so much though. She knows Amity doesn't mean to get impatient either. It's just the way things are.
So after a few seconds of silence, she takes her wife by the hand. Again, she puts on a smile, and she reaches out to her eyes with her own as she looks to her. Amity looks back, seeing the remorse in them. Not just remorse though. Something more curious, as well.
"Would you do me a favor?" she asks, her voice quiet, a little tired. At the same time, there's still some of the same exact charm she's always had since first coming into Amity's life.
"Of course. What is it?"
"My old crystal ball from Oracle class, will you get it for me?"
It perplexes Amity slightly, but Luz has always been the type to come up with hair brained ideas on the fly. She learned decades ago to roll with it. "Of course. Just a sec."
In the few seconds that it takes Amity to get up and find it, Luz stares outside her window. Just seeing the sunshine takes her there in her mind, the warmth on her skin, the smell of fresh air…
The nirvana is short lived though. "It's a little dusty," she hears Amity say, and she turns back to see her holding the aforementioned crystal ball.
"Yeah, it's been a while since I've broken out this ol' girl," she laughs as Amity wipes it off with her shirt. She then hands it over to Luz, who just smiles as she studies the old artifact in her hands. Belatedly, she begins to speak again. "The worst part of being in bed so much is that I don't get to be outside. I miss just being able to be on my feet and do things."
She tries to hide it, but Amity can see how crestfallen she really feels. The doctors say she really needs to stay in bed and rest, but maybe a little time walking around will do her some good? "We could maybe go for a walk after bit? Get you a little exercise?"
Luz seems to appreciate the gesture. The amused little huff she lets out seems to suggest so. However, Amity's curiosity is piqued when she says what's really on her mind. "No, I have a better idea. I'd like to go dancing."
"Dancing?"
A smirk crosses Luz's face. "Mhm. Come, have a seat with me," she says, patting the bed. Amity thinks it over for a moment before deciding that she's in no position to be a stick in the mud for the woman she loves most, and she happily obliges. "Now… close your eyes. Give me your hands," Luz instructs, and despite some confusion, Amity again obliges. "Think back to our first dance. That Grom night so many years ago…"
It shouldn't be as easy to do it, but Amity finds herself escaping to that place so many years ago with ease as she seals her eyes. Her hair was green instead of grey, her heart pumped with anxiety and doubt rather than excitement and pride. Luz wasn't her wife till death do them part, she was just the human girl from another world that swooped in and stole her heart.
And the sun didn't shine brightly over a warm morning. Instead, a full moon illuminated the night with a choir of stars surrounding it. Amity feels it as she opens her eyes, surprised to see herself standing over a field of grass and clover by a tall, beautiful tree instead of the room she was in mere seconds ago. "Huah!" she audibly gasps, taking a look all around to take in the view of darkness around her. It isn't a quiet, deep darkness by any means. The lights from the sky and the lightning bugs around her create a comforting atmosphere, and even though it's a few yards away, she knows she could easily make her way down the hill and through the woods to Hexside.
How though? This isn't 2020, it's so much later.
Even so, she isn't given as much time to think it over as the sound of a familiar voice sneaks up on her, sending an also familiar shiver down to her knees. "Amity?"
She turns around to see her standing there. Luz Noceda, the human girl who took her place as Grom queen. Just like all of those years ago, she wears her silly little tuxedo with the ballerina's tutu, her hair slicked back like James Deen. As strange as her tastes are, they're just as charming as the smile that graces her face. A smile she shares with Amity as she keeps gazing towards her with vibrant, youthful eyes.
"Luz…"
For a moment, she can't help but simply stare with bewilderment. How are they here? How is Luz so young, so lively again? The more the time passes, Amity realizes she's all the same. Green hair, tacky clothes… and a heart that won't stop racing just like that fateful Grom night from their teenage years. Luz hardly seems to notice a change though, or at least, she only seems a little apprehensive to ask; "Did you still want to dance with me?"
Amity blinks a few times as she tries to register everything. Not only are things different from how they were seconds ago, but the memories aren't even totally the same. There's no Grometheus chasing them. There's no Gus or Willow or Eda or anyone around. It's just the two of them here, peace and serenity joining them. The only chaos is within Amity's chest and mind.
It's not easy to process, but she somehow manages to escape the trap of her self doubts as she keeps looking to the girl she likes. Her eyes are comforting and inviting, just like the hand she offers her to take for a dance. Yes, Amity was supposed to ask her, not the other way around. But the more she stares, the longer their eyes meet… the less she cares.
"Yes," she timidly responds, her cheeks pinkening as she returns a smile of her own.
The seconds that follow somehow burn all too quickly while also managing to stay perfectly in rhythm. The two girls stay close, holding on to one another as they slowly make circles over the grass beneath their feet. Amity's heart stops beating too quickly as she finds herself relaxing with her friend's embrace, a girl she's come to care for so much in such a small amount of time. The smile stains her face as she keeps dancing under the milky way with her, she wouldn't mind if this lasted all night. Or the rest of eternity…
However, the moment is met with unwelcoming pause as Luz steps back a little, enough to look to Amity's face again. Something in her eyes is more anxious than eager, but only slightly. Like she's just checking to make sure things are okay. "Can I ask you something?" she says, her voice a little meek.
Amity matches her caution, her next breath hitching. "Yeah?"
Luz takes a second, but is able to say what she feels. "Why were you so afraid?"
Was she… afraid? Amity thinks about that as time seems to freeze in place for her. Grom night, yes. Yes, she was afraid. But of what? It seems like so long ago, but it's all happening again...
But it isn't. It can't be. She isn't fourteen, she's over one hundred years old. Luz is sick, she takes care of her. That's where she's meant to be. That's not where she is though, and she tries to accept that as she keeps looking back to the girl in her arms. Her mind races in an effort to come up with a good answer, but it fails her. All she can think to say back is; "What?"
Luz's smile stretches a little further. Maybe she's just nervous, maybe she found it a little funny. Probably both, knowing her. "Why were you afraid to ask me to the dance?" she explains.
As hard as it is for Amity to accept that this must be Grom night, she chooses to try and believe it as she thinks of how to answer. A lot of things scared her about tonight; rejection, being embarrassed in front of everyone, showing weakness...
The thing that really scares her to remember is the thing she decides to explain, and it scares her to even do that. "I didn't want to mess things up. I really like you. I didn't want to push you away."
It's such a weird thing she feels as those words escape her though. On one hand, they're terrifyingly incriminating. What a risk she just took, letting her guard down and trusting this human girl like that. At the same time, though… she feels like she really knows her. Like she can trust her with anything.
Judging from the smile she's rewarded with, she made a good call. "You could never push me away. I like you too much," Luz tells her, and it takes everything Amity has not to swoon.
Thankfully, she keeps her composure as she lets herself back into her date's embrace, the two of them dancing slowly in the night once again. It's quiet, it's peaceful, it's everything she dreamed of and more.
But it doesn't last. The stars in the sky are replaced with golden hues of red, orange, and yellow all across the stratosphere. The moon vanishes like magic as a gorgeous sunset paints itself in the horizon. Cold comfort is changed for warmth, both around her and inside. It happens in the span of the blink of an eye, but she doesn't notice because her eyes stay closed on Luz's shoulder. Truthfully, she could just keep them there. But the changes around her are too remarkable for her to ignore, so she opens her eyes to take in the world around her once again.
She's astonished to find that like before, her reality is anew with a different place and time. The crazy thing she soon discovers though is that it really isn't a different place, it's just a different scene in her story with Luz. The same tree that marveled her that Grom night with her best girl still grows in this same field, a little taller but naked of leaves. She isn't sure what to think or what could possibly explain her being here, a place too familiar but so unknown, but she finds some clarity as her dance partner comes into view once more.
"You okay, babe?" Luz asks. She sounds older though. Her hair comes down to her shoulders. Where the goofy combination of a tuxedo and a tu-tu was over her body, she now wears a long, white dress that could make doves cry. Before long, Amity notices she's wearing one too.
She has to laugh a little. Whatever is happening, it feels like a dream. It confuses her with how quickly it all changes and moves, yet she doesn't feel an urge to wake up. If anything, she just wants reason to believe that this is all really happening, that her happiness is warranted.
She looks to Luz again, puzzled and conflicted, but unable to resist a grin as she looks to hers. "Are you?" she asks, not even really thinking about it.
It doesn't matter though. Luz's smile doesn't wane even slightly. "Never better," she answers, and with that, they start dancing once again.
Amity gets comfortable again spinning around with her bride, savoring every second of their first dance after being married. This is their wedding day! A day she's dreamed of having since she was a little girl who didn't even know who she wanted to marry. Those dreams came back to her as an adult though when the truth became indisputably clear to her. Luz and her are meant to be together, and there's no one else she would rather dress up in a white gown with and vow their undying love for each other.
Her happiness is very real, and it only ebbs slightly when Luz takes a moment to disengage from her lover. "Amity?" she asks, her tone slightly sobered.
"Yes?" her new wife asks, trying and failing not become just a little concerned. It's easy to be when there's this forlorn look from Luz.
"Why were you so afraid?"
A familiar feeling of confusion comes over Amity, and with it, fear. She's already been asked this once, she just knows it. She isn't sure if it was one hundred years ago or if it was only yesterday, but she knows Luz has asked this of her. The memory lingers, bringing an old shadow over Amity's confidences. "I- What?" she stammers, unsure how else to respond.
It seemed that before there wasn't so much to be afraid of. Here and now though, Amity can't help but feel Luz is coming from a similar place of doubts. "Why were you afraid to propose?" she elaborates. She gives a smile when the pain comes, like everything is going to be alright.
And maybe it is, Amity decides. She wouldn't be here dressed up in a long white gown with a new golden ring on her finger if there wasn't something to believe in. "Because…" she starts, but she hiccups as she realizes she isn't really sure what to say. What is it that she's afraid of?
Her eyes wander to the tall tree with violet leaves towering proudly above them. So many times she's looked to this tree for faithful reminders, and that's no different now as her eyes climb down the bark, stopping at an engraving that reads "L + A" in a heart. Maybe there's fear, but with this tree, with the ring on her finger; there's also bravery to be true.
"Because I love you. I- I didn't want things to end…"
She feels her heart pounding in her chest after saying the truth, and she's almost too scared to meet her wife's eyes as they stare back at her. However, in a way that's both surprising yet all too predictable, Luz shares warmth with her gaze. "Well, I love you too. So guess what? You're stuck with me a little longer."
Like that, it would seem there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. Amity has Luz's vows, she has her dance again to stay happy. There isn't so much certainty this time though as she clings to the love of her life. Not because of Luz, but rather this feeling like she might have to let go again. And that's the last thing she wants to do.
So she holds tightly to her beloved wife as they dance with the sunset, closing her eyes and basking in her warmth. She loses herself in it, her body, mind, and spirit all succumbing to relaxing pleasure as she's given time to savor everything she's ever wanted. There's no reason to stop now; not the faint winds ghosting by, not the sound of something creaking over and over, or even the sound of a child's laughter.
Well, not at first anyway. But once Amity realizes who the child laughing is, she's quick to open her eyes.
They adjust to the newly bright afternoon that seems to grace the Boiling Isles, blinking a few times as they try to find the little girl whose laugh blessed her ears. It isn't long before she sees her there, her sweet little Azura teetering back and forth on the swing her mothers built for her. Upon seeing her, Amity freezes. Not from fear or uncertainty, no. There's a rush of astonishment that surges through her body, a glimmering hope that comes with knowing how happy, healthy, and safe her child is. She's so beautiful too as she swings by the tree, her big, bubbly smile burning brightly with the daylight surrounding them.
Part of her knows deep down it can't be real. She knows Azura isn't a little girl anymore, and that the swing was taken down many years ago. But that same part of her doesn't care as she keeps watching her, her heart swelling with the warmest, fuzziest feelings she's probably ever known.
She could watch for the rest of the day, but eventually a familiar voice, the same familiar voice that has enchanted her so many times today and throughout the years, calls to her. "Darling?"
She doesn't have to look far. By her side, in her arms, there she is. Her beloved Luz, the woman, wife, and mother she has grown up to be. The morning sun when it's in her face really shows her age, but it doesn't worry Amity any. In her eyes, she's everything. So she stares at her with the same amazement she showed their daughter, and all she's able to do in return is laugh a little.
"Why are you crying?" she asks. When she does, Amity checks her cheek. She didn't even notice it, but tears do fall down her cheeks. Maybe from joy. They have to be.
But the more they fall, the longer she stays here… she realizes the truth. None of it is real. Not anymore. This is the way things used to be. These were the days they used to share together so long ago. That first night by the tree dancing to the defeat of Grometheus, the evening of their golden wedding by a beautiful sunset, the years that followed where all they worried about was their love for each other and the little girl who grew up to be a sorceress supreme.
Even then, she can't help herself. In spite of the truth, she walks through the fire. She stays in the heat of this moment, her eyes deeply digging into Luz's to cling to the happiness they've given each other. In them, she finds it. She finds what she loves, what she's afraid of, what makes her cry.
"Because... I love you. I love you so much. I don't ever want to lose you…"
The tears fall harder as she tells Luz the truth. She knows Azura isn't here anymore. The tree isn't by their side. For now, it's just the two of them, they only have each other, and she doesn't know what they are going to do. For all of her fear though, for all of her crying… Luz keeps smiling.
"You'll never lose me. We'll be together forever."
If Amity could make her smile last for just as long, she would. Seeing it and hearing her say those words gives her strength to hold on. It doesn't matter if she's young or old, or if it's now or then. What matters is that for all their lives, they've been able to depend on one another. And that won't change no matter what happens.
Not even the coughing.
"Luz?" Amity finally says, watching as her wife begins coughing harshly, her body bending over just to fight the sudden outburst. As it happens, the world around her seems to shake and crumble. She sees herself changing, but everything feels the same. She isn't a little girl or even a young woman, she's old and grey. A witch in her golden years. Unfortunately, Luz is just as old.
Where they were able to escape to times of stars and sunsets, they now find themselves in the reality that is their outside world today. Yes, they stand by the tree outside their happy little home in the hills. But this isn't where they should be. They should be inside, Luz should be inside. But she isn't. Instead, she coughs up her lungs as she struggles to even stay on her feet.
"Oh god, Luz!" Amity cries out, rushing to catch her as her knees give out. She keeps coughing, fighting for air as her wife takes her in her arms. "Breathe, honey. Just breathe."
Finally, the coughing stops. Unfortunately though, Luz's eyes are so weak as they look up to Amity's. She sees the lights inside them dimming, growing tired. Her breaths are slow and heavy, rasping with every breath in and out. It breaks Amity's heart to see it. Just when she thought she might stop crying, she starts again as Luz wearily musters her hand to her face.
"Amity, listen to me," she says, her voice as quiet as it has ever been. Realizing that makes Amity's heart drop in her chest.
She can't afford to show weakness though. For real this time. "Luz, you're sick. You need to-"
"Listen to me!" Luz interrupts, using what strength she has to try and holler. Her hand shakes as it tries to stay rested on her wife's face, but she knows she won't be able to keep it there long. Amity can't bear the thought of it not reaching out to her though, so she takes it, using her own hand to keep it in place.
For a moment, she just stares back to Luz. There's never been such an awful stillness in her chest the way that there is now. Her eyes don't flicker with the same life and mirth they used to. If they closed, she doesn't know that they would open again. Somehow though, she summons the strength to speak once more, and her voice shakes as she tells Amity; "I don't want to sit in a damn bed and wither away. I want… I want to take that walk now. Please…"
For a moment, all she's able to do is stare and think. She has two choices here. One, she lets her have this. She relents with her own stubbornness to grant Luz some dignity with this simple, powerful wish. Two, she takes her back to bed. She listens to all of the logic and reasoning swirling around her head, and she allows Luz to get angry with her for doing what would maybe be her safest bet at recovering.
The more she looks into her eyes though, the less light she sees flickering inside of them, she comes to a conclusion. Taking her back to bed won't be enough. Getting her something to eat or more medicine on top of everything she's already taken won't be enough to pull her back. She could try, and she could deny Luz her begging cry for the slim chance that maybe they can pull off a miracle.
But those incriminating eyes of hers bring her to one other conclusion. If this is it, if this is the last time… she wants her to be happy.
"Okay…" Amity concedes, almost with a whisper. Tears well from her eyes and down to her cheeks as this certain kind of numbness takes over her body. She's sad, and she knows that it's right to be. At the same time, she knows how important this is and how imperative it is to get things right. She summons similar courage from her days as Hexside top student, putting her duty to Luz before anything she might be feeling.
She starts by trying to help Luz to her feet, but she's so weak, so tired. There's just no way that she'll be able to stand on her own. Her eyes go back to Amity's, a grim pity in them that shows just how disappointed she would really be to be neglected of her last walk. Amity sees this, but she doesn't let it defeat her. No, it only fuels a fire deep inside of her, one that she keeps desperately as she lifts Luz bridal style into her arms to carry her.
"Are you alright?" she asks, looking down to see if she's helped or made things worse.
Luz seems a little uncomfortable at first, but within seconds, she lets out a heavy breath, her face growing content as she musters a small nod. The tiredness returns to her, somewhere between the twilight of wanting to fall asleep and the grogginess of trying to wake up. There's no coughing though, and there doesn't seem to be much pain. Amity considers that a win, so she doesn't waste anymore time. Without an idea of where she's going, she just starts walking.
Her steps are slow and heavy as she moves forward, making her way up the walking trail that she and her family have strolled through dozens of times over the decades. The golden leaves fall all around them, the sound of them crunching beneath her feet keeping her from staying in the quiet place that is her lonely thoughts. That certain numbness stays with her, almost like adrenaline keeping her in a fight. It helps give her the strength to keep moving, to keep carrying Luz in her arms as they progress through the windy trail.
She keeps looking down, checking to see that she's awake. Despite the weakness, she keeps her eyes open, and they wander in all directions as they take in the images of the world around her. It's impossible for Amity to know what she's feeling or what she really sees with her wandering eyes, but she's able to see that, at the very least, she seems at peace.
The minutes pass slowly and silently as Amity carries Luz to the end of the trail. She's walked this path so many times that it almost seems like instinct to get through it, or like the mirage like memories she just lived through again with her spouse. Once she gets to the end though, she feels this satisfaction remembering the kind of view it will offer them as a reward for their patience. And in spite of that numbness she's been feeling, she's able to feel something tugging at her heart knowing that somehow, it's as if fate brought them here.
Even with tired, weary eyes, Luz is able to look towards the sun as she realizes where they are. On the top of this hill, they're able to catch a perfect view of what their house with the tree looks like. Every yard of their home is perfectly on display, the canvas where they've painted their memories together on. Seeing it works like a potion for her, casting enough magic to make her smile again. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"
Any numbness Amity felt carrying her up this hill fades as those words punch her in the chest. There was enough strength to speak, and enough to bring her some small hope that maybe this isn't the end of their walk. "Yeah. It really is," she struggles to say, trying not to choke up.
It's no use though. The second that Luz tilts her head to look back up to her with that wondrous smile, she starts crying again. "Just like you."
Amity can't say anything back. She just stares, every fiber of her heart and mind desperately trying to reason with this brew of pain and pleasure that comes with being here now. In a way, it's all so perfect. The sun, the tree, their home, their memories… but all the while, she can't let go. She can't stop clinging and hoping that this isn't the end of them.
When she sees the way Luz returns her eyes to the sunny day ahead, she realizes that she isn't fighting as much. She's just happy to get to see this one last time. "We did good, Amity. We did good," she says now. Despite her voice being quiet and weak, Amity can tell that some of that old Luz charm is still in there, staying with her even at her most vulnerable.
There's so much she could say and feel, but all she's able to wrap her head around is making sure she understands. "What do you mean?"
Luz watches the sun cast its glow over the place of her dreams just a little longer, really taking it all in for best measure before looking to Amity once more. "We lived a happy life together," she says. "We had fun, we got married. We even raised our little brat into a pretty great woman."
If there's anything that's been a testament to Amity's love for Luz all these years, it's that, no matter what has happened, she's still able to find ways to make her laugh. Even when she has to cry her eyes out. "Yeah, we really did, didn't we?"
The seconds burn slowly. Their time together spent looking out on the day of each other's dreams lasts for what seems like a lifetime all over again. Maybe it's a few minutes, maybe it's a couple hours. For Amity, it doesn't matter. This is more time she has to cherish with the woman she loves, the person she's shared her lifetime with. For the while, it isn't about whether or not she's sick, or whether or not she's young or old. All that matters is that they're here together, sharing another view of their paradise.
And it really is beautiful.
For as long as Amity carries Luz in her arms, she doesn't ever lose the strength to keep carrying her. Her arms do get tired and sore with the passing time, but never enough to let go of her. She doesn't say a word either, not wanting to do anything to ruin the smile adorned on her weathered face. If she wants to stay here for the rest of the day and into the night, she'll do that for her, just as she's done so many things to help her stay happy ever since they were just kids.
It seems like forever ago. So many things seem like forever. The tall tree, the rising sun, and the silence between them. But impermanence is inevitable. And when Luz takes her hand and grabs a hold of Amity's shirt with it, she realizes that time's up.
"I feel really tired," Luz admits. Her smile wanes, her eyelids flutter softly with such weight to them. It sends a triggering panic to Amity's heart. Everything happens so quickly, she isn't at all prepared to act.
"I've got you. Just stay with me," she quickly thinks to say. It's all her mind can come up with. It's all her heart can muster. Her chest feels like a drum as it beats harder and faster in her chest, the sight of Luz fading filling her with a terror she's never known.
The worst part? She doesn't know what to do. No spell can slow this down. No words can make this stop. There's nowhere to walk, nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. All she can hope to do is keep gazing into Luz's eyes, the eyes of the girl she fell in love with all those years ago…
"Amity?"
She's so quiet. A whimper is all she can manage as she keeps looking up to her wife, grasping her shirt. Amity can't help but wear her heart on her sleeve either as her widened eyes just keep watching her, the fear so real and so raw inside of them. She's always been the one to be afraid, she's always been the one to worry.
"Yeah?" she simply responds, unable to think of anything better to say.
But that's okay. Luz doesn't expect anything else. She doesn't want her to do anything more, she never has. While Amity spent so many years trying, failing, and beating herself up for not being perfect… Luz never held anything against her. She was always perfect for her.
And while she knows she doesn't have much time or energy left to change a thing, she wants to at least show her how much she loves her for just being herself. For being there to make her smile even when she wasn't able to. And right now, more than ever, she means it when she says...
"Don't be afraid…"
The grip on her shirt starts loosening. Amity feels it as she watches Luz's eyes giving in. It can't end like this! She can't leave now!
"Wh- What are you saying?" she cries, her voice begging in tone.
And in a way she's always known how to do, even in the faces of total darkness and the purest, brightest light… Luz just smiles.
"We'll be… together… forever…"
Her hand falls. Her eyes shut. Her smile fades. Her chest stops rising. And Amity simply can't bear it.
"Luz? Luz?!" she repeats, jolting the woman in her arms to try and wake her up. It doesn't happen though. She doesn't laugh or cry, she doesn't make one of her stupid jokes, she doesn't move a muscle. No, she just rests peacefully in Amity's arms, totally lifeless, totally still.
That's when it hits her. She's gone. "No, no, no. Baby please! Please wake up!" she cries as she falls down to her knees, still cradling her lover's body in her embrace. She keeps watching her for a while to see if anything will change, but it never does. Her face gets so cold and pale, the dimmest it's ever been. Seeing that is what breaks Amity. She cried hard before, but now she just can't stop as she buries her face into Luz's neck. "Please…"
She doesn't know how much time passes, and she doesn't care. All she knows when she finally stops crying is that the sun has sunken lower on the day, and shadows cast darkness on places where the sun touched before. If Luz could see it, she'd still love it though. Just as she's always loved the view of this humble place. A pessimistic and heartbroken Amity Noceda thinks to herself that it's a place Luz will never see, and sight they'll never be able to share together ever again.
With time… she stops believing that. She thinks of Luz's smile; the one from Grom night, the one from their wedding day, the ones she shared with her and Azura over the years. The final one she graced her with a short while ago before breathing her dying breath. How could she face it with such happiness? How?
It's a question that Amity keeps asking herself over and over as she finally breaks her gaze from Luz's body to look out to the day once more. What about all of this helped her face her fear with love and happiness? Was it the tall tree with the violet leaves and the lovers' engraving carved on its bark? Was it the changing seasons? The sun's rise and fall?
The more she thinks it over, the easier it gets to stop feeling so sad, so angry. Her heart stops beating so hard. She stops sweating so profusely. In a weird sort of way, she can't help but wonder if this was all some part of one of Luz's crazy schemes, or if it was just an even crazier coincidence that resulted in her leaving with sunshine and smiles. Whatever it was, Amity comes to accept something. All things considered, it wasn't so bad. Not for her, anyway.
Yes, she's gone away. That's all there is to it and there's just no getting her back. But she wasn't in pain. She wasn't coughing or crying. She was comfortable in her wife's arms with the basking glow of a beautiful day casting down upon her. Almost like it was made for her, really. It doesn't make it any less painful to lose the woman she spent her best years with, not at all. But for what it's worth, she's able to take some solace in knowing that Luz's last moments were spent with love and care.
Eventually, she takes enough strength from that knowledge to begin the difficult journey forward. She scoops Luz up in her arms, taking one last good look at her from this angle on the hilltop. She always looked so silly in her sleep, arms flailing about while her tongue would stick out like an otter's. Right now though, she doesn't look silly at all. She doesn't look pained or grimaced. No, on top of being able to spend her last minutes sharing sunlight with the love of her life, she also got to go to rest looking like an actual angel.
Somehow, almost like she's still here with her, Amity is able to smile because of that.
THE END
Thanks for checking this out, lovelies. I hope it made you cry (Jameson laugh)
Seriously though, I'm actually very proud of this one shot. The idea came to me after playing a certain mission in Ghost of Tsushima, and with Eclipse Lake premiering yesterday, I thought now would be a good time to finally share this with AO3 and FFN (though you can also find it in Be Gay, Do Witchcraft, the zine I've touted more than one now).
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it, and I hope to see you guys and girls soon for my next Lumity works. Thanks so much! 3