Harry gently dabbed his mouth, wiping the crumbs of his cauldron cake as he finished his story. He glanced up to Luna, then over to Hermione.
Luna was bouncing in her seat, her eyes sparkling, and looked as if she had just discovered the crumpled horned snorkack. Hermione was still staring out in space with a 200 yard stare.
Hermione slowly turned her head to Harry and blinked her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, paused, closed it. Continued to stare at Harry. Opened her mouth to speak again, blinked, closed it. Stared at Harry.
Luna started to grin "Harry, I think you broke Hermione."
Hermione turned her head, glared to Luna, and as if her brain finally rebooted, turned back to Harry.
Hermione sighed, "Harry, you turned Hedwig into Cthulhu?"
Harry grinned and nodded his head vigorously.
Hermione grabbed her nose, shaking her head slightly as if to ward off evil. With the race that Harry turned Hedwig into, it was likely a good idea regardless.
Hermione looked up to Harry and rhetorically asked again, just to clarify in her own mind "You turned Hedwig into an Elder God. The Great Dreamer, because you felt like it?"
Harry cackled "Well, that, and because what better to fuck over a Legilimencer than an Elder God who's entire purpose is the mind?"
Luna fell back and laughed "Snape is so fucked!"
Hermione looked to Harry, both started to grin and started to laugh. Of course the greasy cunt that was Snape wouldn't hesitate to try to abuse anything of Harry's. Luna was right, Snape was fucked.
The door suddenly slammed open with a bang, and an albino ferret walked in as if he owned the train, his two trained gorillas standing beside him with constipated looks on their faces, oh wait, it was an attempt at intimidation.
Harry, Hermione, and Luna already opened up the console at the same time, grinning to each other.
Malfoy spoke up in his nasally smarmy voice "I heard Harry Potter was on the train and I had high hopes, but apparently he's already consorting with mudblood whores and their crazy keepers. Lovegood should have died with her mother, waste of pure-blood genes."
Luna sighed, and glanced to Harry. Harry had a hard look on his eyes.
] id_show_stats Draco Malfoy
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 16283147, ferret) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 1
Int: 51
Wis: 22
Dex: 31
Cha: 45 (+100 to opposite sex, -25 to same sex)
Str: 7
Con: 11
MP: 1980 [36 MP/turn regen] (boost +1000)
HP: 1110 [44 HP/turn regen] (boost +1000)
Perks:
Pure-blood (Enchanted Gaea) +1000 MP/HP Boost
Charming (blood bind)
Servitude (blood bind)
Harry, Hermione, and Luna closed the console. Nothing to see here. From what they understood of Blood Binds, they were similar to Alchemy with how it controls and mutates the target. While Ron was attached by the balls to Dumbledore, Malfoy was obviously tied to the nipples of Voldemort.
But to check…
] id_identify target: Draco Malfoy Perk: Pure-blood, Charming, Servitude
Pure-blood:
Draco is a pure-blood. Because of this, he has an area effect enchantment that was cast upon the planet by the majority of controlling wizards. Any wizard declared, by the sitting board of wizards, to be a pure-blood get the additional bonuses. This generally requires payment in taxes and bribes to remain on the elite board of pure-bloods.
Charming:
Draco has a blood bind formula to Tom Riddle that allows him to remain charming to everyone of the opposite sex regardless of what he does, how he acts, or in what manner his appearance is. This grants a +100 appearance check to any who fall to his charms. Tom improved on the charm effects upon watching Dumbledore's alchemical formula at work with a small negative consequence.
Servitude:
The Malfoy clan quite literally sold their soul to Tom Riddle. Their magic power, life force, and entirety of their energy is tied to Tom Riddle. Don't feel bad for them, the family are a bunch of twats and it couldn't happen to a better bunch of fuck-ups. You know, like the Weasleys.
Harry sighed and looked up. Was Malfoy still talking? Should he bother listening?
"..and your whores should probably be on their knees, I can even service them and show you how to properly treat the lowly slaves. Hey, are you even listening to me? I'm a Malfoy, you'll pay attention or when I tell my father he'll own you like the whores beside you."
Harry nodded his head and decided to fuck Malfoy, just not in the way he was hoping for.
] id_race merge: chimpanzee Draco Malfoy
Malfoy screamed, sprouting fur and warping "What the fuck are you doing?"
Greg and Goyle, wide eyed, slowly opened the door and backed out, leaving Draco to his fate. Not like t hey could have stopped it anyway.
] id_race merge: fish Draco Malfoy
Malfoy continued to scream, more a gurgle now "No… wait… stop.."
] id_race merge: moose Draco Malfoy
Malfoy was violently shaking, horns erupting from his fish head "… please… for all that's holy…"
] id_race merge: ferret Draco Malfoy
Malfoy was rolling on the ground in pain, chippering away "… pl...l...lease…"
] id_race merge: lizard Draco Malfoy
Malfoy's tongue flipped out licking the blood pouring from his eye sockets "… he...e...elp…"
] id_race merge: slug Draco Malfoy
Malfoy crawled slowly toward the door, unable to speak, leaving a trail of slime.
] id_race merge: tape worm Draco Malfoy
Malfoy's elongated body rolled on the floor in pain, sounds coming out in high screeches.
] id_race merge: pixie Draco Malfoy
Malfoy's wings flapped in pain, unable to lift its mutated bulk from the ground.
] id_race merge: puffkin Draco Malfoy
Malfoy's fur poofed out, covering up the blood pouring out of his pours, staining a dark red.
] id_race merge: niffler Draco Malfoy
Luna absently tossed a gold galleon toward the Draco Mutant which pitifully attempted to grab it as it flew past, screaming in pain, in a most pathetic way, from such a small movement. Luna looked vindicated. She also was busy scribbling down the various states of Draco, and the level of screaming. Her father would want to publish them in the Quibbler. Hermione glanced over Luna's shoulder, adding in details that Luna missed, a scientific air about the comments, not caring a whit on what was happening to Draco-mutant.
] id_race merge: fly Draco Malfoy
Harry couldn't help it. He loved that Vincent Price movie. He heard a whisper from the mound of flesh jiggling at their feet "… ki...illl…. me..e..eeeee"
Wow, just like the movie.
] id_race reset Draco Malfoy
Draco was vomiting on the floor, shaking violently, still covered in sweat, blood, bile, and slime.
But more importantly, he was staring in absolute terror at Luna, Hermione, and Harry. The three of them not even showing a single emotion on their faces, just staring down at Draco as if he was a small amusing insect. Draco knew they did this. He didn't know how, and for once in his life he was not going to tell anyone about it. This was so far above even Voldemort's ability it frankly scared the pure-blood right out of him. No, he was going to avoid them forever. They didn't exist for him. He would continue to live. He would avoid them.
He crab-walked back out the door, which opened up to allow him to exit, and closed behind him.
He crab-walked just like Ron. Maybe there was something in that pure-blood dogma.
Luna sighed "You realize in less than a month, Draco will forget all about this and try to harass us again."
Hermione shrugged eating a piece of chocolate "Then he dies."
Harry blinked to Luna and Hermione "You both have gotten rather morbid and viscous."
Hermione finished her chocolate and wiped her lips on a napkin "He was one of the people who locked the door when the Troll had me cornered in the bathroom. He said after the Troll was done violating me and smeared me on the walls, he'd collect some to dye his socks red, as the only place a mudblood belonged was at his feet. After the Troll was… finished with me… it beat me to death, and Malfoy kept his word. His socks were dyed with my blood. He even showed them off, in the great hall, and no one did a thing."
Luna threw her candy at the wall "I knew the world was messed up, but this is beyond pale. It's worse than I Saw. Please tell me we can make this fun?"
Harry smiled, again his teeth showing and his smile reaching his ears "Oh such a lovely day."
Hermione, having vented and calmed down, looked to Luna, who looked at her then back to Harry. No, that disturbing smile was still on his face. They glanced out the window, it looked like they had just reached Hogwarts and the train was slowing down to stop.
Harry got up, collected his things, his smile still locked on his face, then he whispered to Luna and Hermione what he was going to do. Soon, Hermione and Luna had matching smiles, teeth showing, and their grins stretched all the way to their ears.
They kept matching grins, off the train, on the carriages, to the boats, and into the castle.
Hagrid, who was about to greet Harry, glanced at the three matching faces and backed off. Dumbledore wanted him to mention how great Gryffindor was and impress again how bad Slytherins were, but right now he was more scared of the three children than he was of dementors. Dementors would only eat your souls, these three would consume and annihilate them slowly. He was scared for his life, and his mind screamed that these three were untouchable.
His giant blood was speaking to Hagrid, and it wasn't lying. Too bad he was too far up Dumbledore's ass to listen to it. It'd eventually cost him. It'd have been a blessing if the cost was only his life. It wouldn't be.
Hogwarts itself was sentient in a way. Thousands of years of children wondering through and siphoning the energy, life, and magic from them almost as a parasite would. Hogwarts, like all magical schools were not good for children. Not at all. While it was true children learned from them, it was nothing more than a magical siphon, delivering the life, magic, and power to the pure-blood enchantment empowering the planet. Pure-bloods paid, literally, to be omitted from the drain, that the half-bloods and mud-bloods, were unfortunately not so lucky.
Except for Hermione, Luna, and Harry.
They walked into the castle, and the castle screamed. In pain, in warning, in knowledge that it and the world was fucked. In that instant, it knew. It knew what it housed, and it was gagged by power beyond the mind to never tell a soul. It should have realized when that immensely powerful not-owl came in to roost. If there ever was a sign of the apocalypse, it would be that hell owl, Hedwig.
Hedwig flew up from terrorizing Snape and landed gently on Harry's shoulder and barked a greeting.
Four pairs of god-empowered eyes stared into the soul of Hogwarts, and found it wanting. Like it would the world as a whole. Judgment had been rendered, and existence was found wanting. And delicious. Yes, existence would be delicious.
For the world was their oyster, and they loved fish.