Quick author note:
Most adults, and yes students and children as well, will be far too gone and corrupt to make a difference for saving in any real manner. Harry, Luna, and Hermione (and the few who will be joining them) are also far too jaded to really give a fuck either way. Most everyone in this reality will have done the evil deeds or walked into the fire by their own choice or ignorance, others through over powering by those who wanted them to be silent.
Without giving anything away, to answer one of the readers, Sirius Black will unfortunately fall into the latter. Yes, he would have been a good person, but his situation will be… different.
This is an AU universe, and I hinted at the start there are several upon several universes out there. With several upon several copies of all the people we love and hate. You didn't think this universe and reality would be Harry's only playground, did you?
Oh you poor poor people…
Enjoy the ride.
**PING**
Quest: Can Dumbledore be consumed in torture to make him whine like a bitch?
Perks gained: I drove A Bus over a cliff.
Stat Points gained: None, you damn cheaters.
Dumbledore had just announced the start of the year with his standard eye-twinkly stomach turning bullshit meant to keep children doe-eyed and adults off their game. He was powerful magically, politically, and savvy enough to manipulate people without them even realizing it was happening. A true narcissist if there ever was one.
Harry closed the popup and because of the quest had to check Dumbledore's stats. Anyone who railroaded Harry as much as A Bus himself had to be a special kind of monster.
] id_show_stats Albus Dumbledore
Class: Wizard (Immortal: id: 12834, abus) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 99999
Int: 99 (+30)
Wis: 99 (+30)
Dex: 99 (+35)
Cha: 150 (+50)
Str: 99 (+40)
Con: 150 (+50)
MP: 90000 [3236 MP/turn regen] (boost +10000)
HP: 90000 [4234 HP/turn regen] (boost +10000)
Perks:
Pure-blood (Elite Member) (Enchanted Gaea) +10000 MP/HP Boost
Sitting Elite Member (+15000 year lifespan)
Owner Hogwarts Wards (+50000 HP/Mana)
Owner Ritualistic Pure-blood Magic (+30-50 all stats)
Philosopher Stone Heart (Immortality)
True Horcrux (Minor indestructibility)
Beguiling Gaea
Phoenix Bind (Forced)
Sororicide (Sister killer)
Soul Binding (Brother)
Sold Soul (Deity)
Hermione blinked to Harry and Luna "Dumbledore is a fucking deity?!"
Luna shrugs, putting her wand behind an ear "And we're Elder Gods, and Harry is essentially a supreme being? Dumbledore might as well be a blood sucking gnat on Ron's overly rancid testicles in comparison to any of us."
A loud smacking sound interrupted Luna's further comments as she turns to see Harry smacking one of Hermione's larger books into his forehead.
Hermione raised an eyebrow "Harrryyyy… why are you abusing my copy of Hogwarts: A History with your forehead?"
Harry kept slamming the book into his head "Must…" slam "remove…" slam "gnat imagery…" slam.
Luna rolled her eyes at her two friend's habitual lollygagging "More importantly, what are good old Albus's perks…"
(Admin)] id_identify target: Albus Dumbledore Perk: Pure-Blood, Sitting Elite, Owner Hogwarts, Owner Ritual, Philosopher Stone Heart, True Horcrux, Beguiling Gaea, Phoenix Bind, Sororicide, Soul Binding, Sold Soul
Pure-Blood/Sitting Elite Member:
Albus is an elite member of the pure-blood world enchantment. Because of being one of the few controlling elite members who were part of the ritualistic circle at the time of creation, his bonuses are greater than most others as well as being entrenched. As a founding elite member he can not be removed from the enchantment unlike most others.
Owner Hogwarts Wards:
Albus, as the owner of the Hogwarts Wards gets a percentage of all energy, life force, and magic siphoned from everyone who enters the castle. As Hogwarts is a near indestructible font of power, the life force and magic empowerment of Albus is near unlimited (at least to those below him in comparison).
Owner Ritualistic Pure-Blood Magic:
Albus, being the right prick that he was, created, founded and designed the ritualistic magic that empowers the pure-blood ritual of the world. The idea, naturally, was stolen from Nicolas Flamel before Albus quite literally ripped the Philosopher Stone out of Pernelle Flamel's chest, and in the moment of fury and shock of Nicolas, ripped his out of his chest as well, combined them, and placed them in his own chest to empower his heart. Albus is more than a murdering psychopath, he's one that is damn near immortal. Too bad Harry, Luna, and Hermione are so beyond his power they'll skin his shit and make Albus eat it.
Philosopher Stone Heart:
Albus has the stolen Philosopher Stone which is a combined merge of two alchemical Philosopher stones and replaced his heart with it, copying the Flamel's rather brilliant idea of a version of immortality then improving upon it. Too bad it won't help the despot any. Just makes him more delicious.
True Horcrux:
Albus, not happy with just one or even two forms of immortality, corrupted the majestic nature of magic and life itself by ripping the soul from a phoenix, devouring it in a ritualistic form of magical cannibalism, and upon the final death of the Phoenix imbuing his own life force as a substitution, which itself was re-incarnated with the Philosopher stone. Yea, Dumbledore needs to fucking die.
Beguiling Gaea:
Albus has a constant radiated field that overpowers those around him into trusting him implicitly regardless of the absolute bile shooting out of his lips. A guaranteed way to identify someone under the spell is when one says 'Great man, Dumbledore' with regards to anything of consequence. Only someone with immense power and will will be able to ignore this field. Will alone can only resist it for a short time.
Phoenix Bind:
Albus has absolutely corrupted and consumed the magical creature formally known as Fawkes the Phoenix. If there ever was a case for an inferi phoenix, this would be it. Don't pity Fawkes, it was too fucking stupid to realize the despot that Dumbledore was, willingly allowed to be bonded to a psychopathic murdering mental raping pedophile, and did so with a smile on his beak. Having the flame chicken's very soul consumed seems like a small price to pay for such utter insanity. Good riddance.
Sororicide:
Albus shot first. And unlike the story he tells, the shot was intentional and the murder of his sister was planned and executed. The only mistake is the killing curse he aimed at his brother missed and nailed his mother instead. Arianna was the only Dumbledore that could be considered marginally good, and that was because her obscurus corrected a mental instability. Sadly, it also greatly reduced her life expectancy from years to weeks, but she went out in a blaze of glory. The spell Albus hit his sister with consumed her magic and power and added it to his own. The soul, however, escaped Albus and with the help of a great outside supreme being, enabled a game system for one poor abused 11 year old to fuck the universe in an amusing story.
Soul Binding:
Albus, while he missed his brother with the killing curse, did manage to clip him with a soul binding ritualistic spell he pre-loaded into his wand. The full power of Abe is now linked to Albus to use as his own. Abe is now nothing more than a shallow puppet to the whims of his brother. Abe is severely allergic to alcohol and has a huge fear of people and public places. So naturally Albus forces his puppet brother to run a bar. Never let it not be said that Albus is a nice guy.
Sold Soul:
Albus, not happy with not being a full fledged deity, sold his soul to an elder god, called Cthulhu to gain mastery of mental magic and a near unlimited potential in magical power. Hedwig, being Cthulhu and Albus's master, is not happy and will be laying eggs in his facial pours at a later time that will burrow deep into Albus's mind and skull-fuck him for eternity. Oh, and that's after what Harry, Luna, and Hermione will do to him, which means the skull-fucking parasitical endless torture of eternity that Cthulhu-Hedwig has planned will be a spa vacation in comparison. Yes, Harry is going to absolutely destroy ol' Albus. Hold on to your hats as it'll be a fun ride on the A Bus of hell.
Luna closed the terminal, eyes wide and looked to Harry. "Dumbledore needs to be tortured into insanity. Repeatedly. Death is too good for him. We must skin him alive, pass him to rats, and allow them to eat his blood and semen."
Harry, having stopped banging his head on the book immediately started up again on the rather vivid description of what was to be fed to the rats.
Hermione, taking pity on Harry, grabbed her book on Harry's next mid-swing and gently turned his head to hers "Stop that, it's book abuse."
Harry grinned back "I'm going to see how far I can shove Albus up Snape's ass, compress them down, then shove them up Fudge's ass."
Luna quirked her head "Albapeudge?"
Hermione "You mean like a turducken?"
Luna grins, happy to have been figured out, then waves everyone back up to the chair where the sorting hat sat. "Shhh, the enchanted knitted ass-rag is about to sing and start the sorting."
The sorting hat, sitting on a stool, opened its brim and started to sing. Harry tuned it out. Having heard this song enough times to choke a goat, or a Dumbledore, yea, that would be better to choke. Maybe with a gag as he was sodomized with a hot poker who's size was relative in inches to the number of children good ol' Albus screwed over in his beard-twisted long life.
Harry heard blessed silence. He glanced up in surprise. Oh wait, the song was over. As well as the expected instructions from McGonagall How nice. Thank you Fourth Wall!
[Fourth Wall: you're welcome]
**PING**
Quest: Survive the enchanted ritualistic song of the knitted face rag.
Perks gained: None, you damn cheater.
You have finished the quest!
The stuffy old crone stood beside Dumbledore, as if leashed to the idiot by her very soul, and started to drone with a Scottish burr more suited to a terrier than a human, "Hannah Abbott!"
A small child flinched in surprise at the loud call and timidly headed to the stool where the old bat put a rancid dilapidated hat on her head. Harry dearly hoped the girl deloused after having that thing on her head.
The ratty head-rag opened its brim, and Harry could actively feel the magic of the hat binding the poor child to the castle, in magic, in soul, in life, "Hufflepuff!"
Hogwarts measured the child's magic, filtered it through pre-approved rules set forth by the empowerment of the pure-bloods, and the child being a half-blood, was instantly bound to the castle, empowering the long entrenched ritual magic to draw on her magic and life force for the 'betterment' of the pure-bloods world wide. Permanently. For ever. The child was fucked. It didn't help that Hogwarts seemed to turn her metaphysical eyes to Harry, Luna, and Hermione and positively gloat, still fearful but knowing it was safe for now, stupid really. The hat on Hanna's head mirroring the smirk with a sneer of its own glancing right at Harry as it did so.
Yea. This castle had to be utterly destroyed. Everything inside had to be glassed. The world would burn.
Hogwarts seemed to creak and groan, almost as if detecting its imminent destruction. Good, it won't be swift, or pleasant. And Harry, Luna, and Hermione would enjoy it. For an artificial construct, the sorting hat blanched as it finally detected what Hogwarts picked up on when Harry, Luna and Hermione entered the building. Unbridled anger and power, then suddenly nothing. Harry, Luna and Hermione glared at the hat, then smiled, those toothed full mouth smiles, reaching to their ears. The children around them unconsciously stepping away from the three.
Hermione started to hum Frank Zappa's 'The Torture Never Stops' as she just smiled evilly to the hat and Hogwarts as a whole. Luna and Harry silently agreed the song fitting. The hat and Hogwarts no longer looked smug. Too late, they would be delicious. They were right when they first thought that.
Upon mind-discussing the future of the castle and those poor bastards who inhabited it, they came to the conclusion that the half bloods and muggleborns were in some ways just as to blame as the pure-bloods. They blindly accepted the status quo not questioning anything. So much for critical thinking. Oh well, more reason to burn the world. Luna and Hermione agreed with Harry's rather analytical and cold reasoning. It may not be fully accepted by all viewpoints, but it was efficient. And did we say they didn't care? I'm pretty sure we did.
They glanced back up as the sorting continued, now somewhat subdued without anyone around knowing why. They were likely on the 10th or 12th student by now. In that time they noticed that pure-bloods were searched the same by the castle but upon detecting a protean marker that identified them as sell outs, oh wait, sorry, as members to the pure-blood agenda, the castle would invert the marker and allow powering them up just as had been done to Draco and Ron. Apparently Draco and Ron were already 'enlisted' due to their parenting and protectors. How quaint.
Harry looked on to all the students and met Daphne Greengrass's eyes. Ah yes, Daphne was one of those who didn't steal from him.
] id_show_stats Daphne Greengrass
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 13784121, dgrass) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 1
Int: 57
Wis: 41
Dex: 19
Cha: 49
Str: 14
Con: 16
MP: 880 [16 MP/turn regen]
HP: 171 [9 HP/turn regen]
Perks:
Blood Cursed (passive/inactive)
Ice Queen
Harry hummed as Luna and Hermione looked over his shoulder curious on the stats.
] id_identify target: Daphne Greengrass Perk: Blood Cursed, Ice Queen
Blood Cursed:
The Greengrass family was blood cursed by the Malfoy family. Every other female child born will have the active curse while any remaining children will be carriers to the curse for life. The curse requires the family member to bond their magic and life force to a Malfoy family member in a concubine bond for life-time servitude. Daphne was lucky to only have the passive version of this, unlike her sister who is quite frankly fucked. The father and mother are constantly looking for a way around the curse.
Ice Queen:
Daphne enjoys an aptitude to ice forms of magic. This also leads to emotional and mental hardening allowing her an automatic extremely hardened occumulacy shield for all mental intrusions and controlling spells.
McGonagall called out the next name, taking the queue from the wards powering Hogwarts "Hermi...i…" She coughed, stared at the writing, glanced up to Harry, Luna, and Hermione, blanched a bit and started again "Daphne Greengrass!"
Hermione raised her eyebrow and turned to Harry "Hogwarts just warned the staff. We'll have to correct that." Luna nodded and Harry grinned "Before this day is through, they won't remember shit."
Harry winked to McGonagall and Hermione just ran a finger across her neck. Luna, repeating one of her favorites, just mimed hanging by a noose. None of which appeared to help McGonagall's coloring one whit.
Daphne Greengrass met Harry's eyes as she stood up to get sorted. Walking calmly to the chair, she shuddered seeming to know full well what was about to occur and facing up to it.
] id_time modify: frozen
OK
] id_history Greengrass
The Greengrass family has always held onto their neutral tiers to magic and society. They did so through years of being pressured to choose one side or the other. With the adding of the pure-blood ritualistic world empowering, the Greengrass family denied choosing a side or the corrupt power and as such the family has suffered. They bound their family with the few other families to deny the pure-blood corruption including most of the Bones family, the Potter family, and the Davis family. The remaining neutral families, including some members of the resisting families, sold their morals and effectively their magic and souls to the greater whole for The Greater Good of magical pure-bloods.
Hermione shook her head slowly in shock and Luna sighed "Hermione, you should have realized this was going to be fact. The world is corrupt at its core. It stinks. There's a reason Harry is going to wipe the world, and it's not just because of the fuzzy bunnies." Luna gets a dark look "They control the rot-fang conspiracy you know."
Harry shook his head, opened his mouth to comment then shook his head, purposely ignoring Luna, seeing her slight smirk out of the corner of his eye and decided to bring up Astoria's stats.
] id_show_stats Astoria Greengrass
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 13784121, agrass) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 1
Int: 37
Wis: 35
Dex: 41
Cha: 46
Str: 7
Con: 16 (1) [Blood Cursed]
MP: 880 (200) [16 MP/turn regen] (-500 Blood Cursed + 20 per year of life)
HP: 171 (36) [9 HP/turn regen] (-100 Blood Cursed + 5 per year of life)
Perks:
Blood Cursed (active)
Free Spirit
Harry hummed as Luna and Hermione looked over his shoulder curious on the stats.
] id_identify target: Astoria Greengrass Perk: Blood Cursed, Free Spirit
Blood Cursed:
The Greengrass family was blood cursed by the Malfoy family. Every other female child born will have the active curse while any remaining children will be carriers to the curse for life. The curse requires the family member to bond their magic and life force to a Malfoy family member in a concubine bond for life-time servitude. Astoria is quite frankly fucked. The father and mother are constantly looking for a way around the curse. The curse consistently drains her magic and life until she's bound to a Malfoy.
Free Spirit:
Astoria is a free spirit. Due to the fluidic nature of this blessing Astoria is a natural at combat. She has a near infinite stamina and has an instinctual ability to dodge spells and a 6th sense to avoid them. She also has a fluiudic nature to her mind making it extremely difficult to control her or read her mind. Unfortunately the majority of this blessing is greatly repressed due to the Blood curse.
Hermione openly glares at Draco and mutters "I get to kill that raping murdering ass-stain." Luna raised an eyebrow and waved her hand "All yours!" and mocked zipping her lip while Harry just grins "OK, but you can't kill him with transfiguration. We beat the dead ferret."
Hermione snickered then looked up again at Astoria's stats in concern.
Harry shrugged "Easy enough to fix."
] id_set Astoria Greengrass perk: Blood Cursed flags: passive
OK
] id_set Astoria Greengrass, Daphne Greengrass, Susan Bones, Tracy Davis stats: locked
OK, OK, OK, OK
Hermione looks up "Why don't you just power them up now and fix it all?"
Harry closed the console "Because we're going to meet them in the room of requirement and explain to Daphne, Astoria, Susan and Tracy what is going on and then add them to our group after we power them up as well. It'll take time to make plans."
Luna suddenly frowns "I'm wondering why wait. Why not just nuke the universe now? It's not like any of us doesn't have the power."
Harry smiled warmly "Two reasons. First, because we want to extract vengeance and fun. The second, the Fourth Wall will bitch at us for not having fun."
[Fourth Wall: Damn straight]
Harry thumbs to the writing floating in the air to Hermione, who seemed to have already expected it, and Luna, who with her Seer ability already knew but had to ask anyway, because of the readers who likely had questions. You, over there, reading this and who is currently leaned over your tablet. Yea, you. You have questions right? Well, ask them. Harry may answer them next chapter.
[Fourth Wall fist shakes at you all]
Hermione elbows Harry out of the virtual console and continues the look ups. Her insatiable desire for knowledge never abating.
(Admin)] id_show_stats Tracy Davis
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 11444133, tdavis) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 1
Int: 22
Wis: 39
Dex: 28
Cha: 34
Str: 21
Con: 23
MP: 675 [11 MP/turn regen]
HP: 241 [9 HP/turn regen]
Perks:
None
(Admin)] id_show_stats Susan Bones
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 14148281, sbones) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 1
Int: 31
Wis: 39
Dex: 22
Cha: 36
Str: 15
Con: 21
MP: 772
HP: 212
Perks:
Family Compulsion Curse (Chain to Amelia)
Luna, at reading this, grows gloomy "That fucking traitorous bitch." Hermione blinks "Who Susan?" Luna spits to the side "No, that Amelia bitch. She sold out to the pure-bloods for power and control. Susan's curse shows that."
Harry glares "My family trusted Amelia. My godfather trusted Amelia. You think she sold them out?"
Luna, still glaring at the screen "You can bet your sweet ass on that."
Harry pulls up the console.
] id_show_stats Amelia Bones
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 14148281, sbones) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 51
Int: 27
Wis: 29
Dex: 48
Cha: 35
Str: 22
Con: 28
MP: 17720 (+10000)
HP: 12120 (+10000)
Perks:
Pure-blood (Elite Member) (Enchanted Gaea) +10000 MP/HP Boost
Sitting Elite Member (+15000 year lifespan)
Harry snorts "Guess we now know how much the elite bastards are getting above and beyond even the normal pure-bloods with essentially raping the souls and magic of the innocent."
Luna puts a hand on Harry's shoulder "Are you surrrreee we can't flash-burn the universe right now?"
Harry closes the window "Yes dear."
Hermione whispers to Luna "You're right, he really is well trained." Luna beams. Harry pinches his nose in a Luna migraine.
Harry finishes writing up a mental text message and fires it off to Susan, Astoria, Daphne and Tracy. It's not words so much as an irresistible need to meet them after the sorting in the room of requirement.
Harry snaps his fingers and unpauses the universe.
The sorting hat falls upon Daphne's head and instantly is rooted upright. The castle around them rumbles a bit and the hat looks to be straining, as if having a difficult bowel movement and not succeeding.
Harry, Luna and Hermione start to snicker.
Hermione grins "The hat is trying to open a channel to drain her magic and life force to the castle to feed to the pure-blood ritual."
Luna grins "And with the locked stats, it can't do shit."
Harry brushes fingers across his shirt "You may… genuflect."
Luna raps her knuckles against Harry's head but laughs anyway. Hermione just openly laughs.
Daphne meets their eyes and raises a carefully sculptured eyebrow. Apparently the hat is cursing up a storm and laying blame to who's causing it. And Daphne's curiosity is now… peaked.
The hat's brim opens up and shaking in rage nearly screams "Slytherin!"
The hat is removed and Daphne heads to the Slytherin tables, glancing occasionally to Harry, Luna, and Hermione, shaking her head gently and then turning to watch the remaining sorting.
Before McGonagall, the old hag that she was, could call out the next name on the list, the doors slammed opened. Entering was Fudge, 4 aurors and wait, was that two Dementors? How lovely! It looks like Malfoy whined like a bitch to his daddy, because yes, yes, there's Mr. Malfoy right beside Fudge, leading him around by the nose like a good little minder.
Harry grins "Oh oh, this is just too good to pass up."
] id_show_stats Dementor
Class: Demon (Dementor: id: N/A, N/A) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 5152
Int: 25
Wis: 1
Dex: 99
Cha: 1
Str: 99
Con: 99
MP: 99999
HP: 99999
Perks:
Immortal (Demon)
Life Drain
Magic Drain
Asexual breeding
] id_show_stats Lucius Malfoy
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 13275221, lmalfoy) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 105
Int: 41
Wis: 99
Dex: 42
Cha: 99
Str: 12
Con: 38
MP: 75000 (+10000)
HP: 11250 (+10000)
Perks:
Pure-blood (Elite Member) (Enchanted Gaea) +10000 MP/HP Boost
Sitting Elite Member (+15000 year lifespan)
] id_show_stats Cornelious Fudge
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 14148281, cfudge) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 37
Int: 18
Wis: 21
Dex: 11
Cha: 31
Str: 8
Con: 51
MP: 27720 (+10000)
HP: 15120 (+10000)
Perks:
Pure-blood (Elite Member) (Enchanted Gaea) +10000 MP/HP Boost
Sitting Board Member (+1000 year lifespan)
] id_show_stats John Dawlish
Class: Wizard (Human: id: 13925828, jdawlish) [because UNIX is awesome]
Level: 85
Int: 31
Wis: 28
Dex: 99
Cha: 18
Str: 51
Con: 99
MP: 35720 (+10000)
HP: 18120 (+10000)
Perks:
Pure-blood (Elite Member) (Enchanted Gaea) +10000 MP/HP Boost
Sitting Board Member (+1000 year lifespan)
Fudge clears his throat, making a big presentation "Would Mr. Harry Potter, Miss Hermione Granger, and Miss Luna Lovegood please join me up here?"
The students glanced at each other wondering what was going on. In the Slytherin section, Draco looked on smugly, those around him whispering and pointing having already been told what to expect.
Harry, Luna, and Hermione shrugged to each other and walked up to Fudge. Already aware of what was going to happen and just basking on how this would work into their plans.
Fudge slowly met the eyes of the three students "Due to assault on an elite pure-blood, you three are arrested and will be tried. It should be known that the trial is moot as you three are already guilty. Punishment will be delivered immediately for those who are not pure, and Mr. Potter, only your fame and station will prevent what will be befalling the two whores beside you."
Fudge snapped his fingers and the two Dementors flew immediately to Luna and Hermione. Draco laughs out loud mocking to Harry "Looks like those two prostitutes that cling to you are finally going to get some action, Potty. It's a shame that they couldn't be served up to us first. I was hoping for a piece of that mudblood bitches ass. Uncle Sev even said he'd hold her down while I broke her." Draco just sneers to Harry as Luna and Hermione sigh and look to Harry "You'd think he'd come up with better material. Maybe we'll show him how to come up with better material. Maybe as potion ingredients as we boil him up and force Snape to drink him."
Harry smirks but Dawlish who overheard the commentary back-hands Hermione with a viscous left-hand fist. He shakes out his hand with a curious look and didn't notice that Hermione didn't even react to the active punch, not even a hair out of place and just smiles toothily.
Fudge, worried about the resilience of the 11 year old girl, immediately starts to scream "Kiss them, kiss them now!"
Both Dementors dive to Luna and Hermione, immediately attach their mouths and start to suck their souls. Harry glances first to Luna, then to Hermione, scoffs a bit then turns and just stares at Fudge.
Fudge is smiling in glee "You see boy? This is what happens when you try to insult and harm your betters. You pay you little shit. Just like your parents paid."
Draco speaks up from the sidelines "Look at it this way, Pothead. Your two sluts are getting the best kisses of their lives. Likely the only kisses of their lives. But hey, they should be happy. The kiss is with something of better station than either of them!"
Laughter rings through the room. Harry still stares to Fudge, a smirk still on his face, the sucking sounds from the two girls seeming much louder, almost desperate. The girls arms have now encircled the Dementors and holding them tighter against their bodies. There's some disgust from the tables as someone comments "Iew! Look, they're actually enjoying kissing Dementors!"
Snape, up at the head table with Dumbledore, leans in closer with a worried expression as he watches Luna and Hermione. He recognizes this is not normal behavior. Especially with the Dementors now actively pushing against the chest of both girls in a frenzied attempt to push away.
Both girls clung to the Dementors and continued to kiss and suck.
Dumbledore sighs as he glances to Harry "Harry my boy, there's nothing I can do. You three did this to yourselves. When young Draco entered your room, you should have immediately bowed to your superior and responded in a positive manner to anything requested of you. After all, he has the higher station."
Harry says nothing, doesn't even glance to Dumbledore, but continues to smirk and look at Fudge. Unblinking.
Fudge glances to the side of Harry, both Dementors now seemed to be greatly emaciated, their feet dangling off the floor, their hands limp at their sides, and shuddering as if in agony every few seconds.
Both girls still had their arms around the Dementors and continued to kiss.
McGonagall, the yapping dog puppet of Dumbledore, can't help but get her two cents in, crusted coinage that it was "Mr Potter! Your parents would be greatly disappointing in this display today. Sit down and shut up, like the child you are, and await the punishment to the two young waifs beside you to finish! If you don't immediately comply, a year detention and 1000 house points will be removed and I'll disavow you if you wind up in Gryffindor!"
Harry says nothing, and continues to stare at Fudge. The same toothy smirk on his face. Though privately he can't wait to see the mad harpy McGonagall get put in her place later.
The mocking and laughing at the tables starts to peter off. The Dementors now start to be compressing and pulled into themselves as parts of the Dementors are now seen to be pulled literally into the mouths of the two girls, who with the same bored expressions continue to kiss the Dementors.
Fudge at this time is sweating, twirling his bowler in his hands and slowly backing away from Harry and going slightly behind Lucius Malfoy. Mr. Malfoy, looks on with wide eyes and a bit of fear at the spectical with the Dementors. The Aurors backing away and serving protection detail to Fudge, their wands now out and pointing at the two girls.
Fudge is starting to shout "Stop it, let the Dementors go! You have no right to do this!"
The Dementors are now compressed down into a very small form, still being sucked into the girls mouths.
Harry at this point, still smiling, speaks up "I'm sorry, you were the ones who sent Dementors two my two lady friends. I assumed you were trying to teach a lesson? Well, this is the lesson. Don't. Fuck. With. Us."
With a loud pop, both Dementors disappear into the mouths of the two girls.
Hermione continues to chew for a few moments, quirks her head sideways and swallows "Tastes like chicken."
Luna blows a bubble, which morbidly looks to be made of Dementor cape, except the silent scream of a half-chewed face of a Dementor on the outside of the bubble, which deflates then Luna chews it back in and continues to chew her Dementor gum.
At this point, Fudge is screaming in inarticulate terror. He's the only one making a sound. Mr. Malfoy has already bolted for the doors, and the aurors are clustering around Fudge. Fudge, looking back and forth, realizing Malfoy left him, does one more stupid event. He pulls his wand and lunges for the closest person to him. That, sadly, is Hermione.
As Fudge lunges he screams obscenities as he rushes toward her "You all will pay for this. After a new set of Dementors suck out your souls, I'll hand you over to the magical creature handler and have him stuff and mount your two whores here, Mr. Potter. Being the chosen one and the wizarding world savior will not stop this from happening. In fact, before your two sluts are stuffed, they'll be passed around the pure bloods, maybe we can get a bidding war for the highest bidder to have first dibs before we pass their used corpses back to be stuffed and mounted in the ministry atrium as what not to do to your betters!"
Hermione sees Fudge launch himself at her spouting the bile and she screeches "Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse!"
In a blaze of fire, Fudge pops out of existence.
Luna belly laughs, spitting out her Dementor gum, and leans on a table as she can't catch her breath and manages to whisper out "Hermione, I don't think Tim Burton meant that destination with Beetlejuice."
The aurors immediately lunge toward Hermione but Harry snaps his fingers. The new sheep find themselves leashed to the ground. Hermione grins and leans in to give Harry a quick peck on the lips "Sheeple Harry? Really?"
Dumbledore steps forward, fear on his face as he speaks up "Harry! Stop this madness. Sit down and behave like the child you are. The two girls will have to have their magic bound and tossed through the veil. Only someone who's gone down the path of dark magic can do what they just did. And where is Fudge? Return him immediately!"
Harry smirks "Albus… you demand? Sit down you bearded troglodyte. Your betters are speaking. And Snape, if you stand up from that table to join your ass-master in-front of me, I'll have Hedwig fly up your anal cavity and nest in your spleen."
Snape immediately stops, staring at the eldritch horror perched on the table in-front of him. Snape doesn't even blink. Hedwig hoots. It sounds like a laugh, but probably is closer to 'I'll skin you alive and wear your hide as a masturbation tool,'
Dumbledore snaps out the Elder wand and fires a stunner at Harry. It hits him square in the face, which lights up and you see 'TILT' on his forehead where the lightning bolt scar used to be.
Harry, with 'TILT' on his forehead shakes his head sadly "Oh Dumbledore. You've gone and lost the game."
The room at this point is absolutely silent. No more laughter.
McGonagall clears her throat and in a shaky voice asks "M..M...Mr Potter. Where… clears her throat … where exactly is Mr. Fudge?"
Hermione smiles and answers her "Why, Betelgeuse, naturally."
McGonagall looks confused "What does beetle juice have to do with Mr. Fudge?"
Luna sighs and talks to McGonagall as if she was a mentally deficient child, which to her she was "No you ugly harpy, Betelgeuse. It's a star, like the sun."
McGonagall tightens her lip, fuming over the insult "You sent Mr. Fudge to the sun?"
Hermione yells at McGonagall "No you asinine fucking crone, I sent him to Betelgeuse. It's a red giant, some 642 light years away. Fudge is currently enjoying a warm 2700 degrees celceus at the center of that very star."
Dumbledore, with the distraction that McGonagall provided, legiliments Harry.
Dumbledore's space around him blinks and fuzzes out then clarifies and he finds himself standing in the great hall, looking at himself with his wand pointing at Harry legilimenting him. He enters the Harry's mind in the mind scape.
Dumbledore's space around him blinks and fuzzes a second time then clarifies and he finds himself again, standing in the great hall, looking at himself with his wand pointing at Harry legilimenting him. He enters the Harry's mind in the new mind scape.
Dumbledore's space around him blinks and fuzzes out then clarifies and he finds himself standing in the great hall...
Dumbledore, after an hour of repeated attempts to break into Harry's mind realizes that he's in a temporal mental loop and caught like a fly in amber. He screams in the mind scape.
**PING**
Quest: Can Dumbledore be consumed in torture to make him whine like a bitch?
Status: Completed.
Outside in the real world, Dumbledore is shaking and leaning two and fro. Blood is pouring from his nose, ears, and eyes, dribbling down his chin and making a wonderful Rorschach pattern on his beard while small whimpers escape his labored breathing. Albus's brain is literally on fire at this point. Wisps of smoke is gently billowing up from his ears.
Harry is just smiling and glancing around the room. Harry suddenly belches out loud, bangs on his chest a bit. "Sorry about that, finding the cesspit of an old man's mind rather hard to digest."
By now everyone realizes just how fucked they are. Aurora Sinistra especially realizes the massive amount of energy that would be required to send someone that far away. She tries to hide by shrinking down in her chair. She isn't paid enough for this shit. The rest of the staff are frozen in fear. Their minds are permanently out to lunch.
The students are gibbering in fear. Those few who know what light years are are crying out loud, realizing the absolute depth of their stupidity. Daphne, Susan, and Tracey blink around them in shock realizing for likely the first time in their life that there's a chance of happiness, of honesty, of… oh who the fuck are they kidding. The world was going to fucking burn and they'll help light the torch. Fuck the assholes.
Harry cracks his neck and looks down and sighs. He looks back up and starts to speak calmly "What you saw here, right now, is just a small taste of what the three of us can do. We are so far above all of you combined that you may as well be our play things. Let me be very clear. You are our play things. And once we grow bored of you, and we will, we shall end you. All of you. Painfully. Slowly. Just as you would have ended us. Because you thought you could. The world will burn. You within it. And we will do it with smiles on our faces. There's nothing you can do to stop it. There's nothing you can do to convince us otherwise. You are all boned in such a horrible way, it'd be easier for you to strip naked and bend over and sodomize yourselves with how thourally fucked you are going to be."
At this point, a brave young muggle born girl from the Ravenclaw table spoke up "But we didn't do anything. Why are you doing this to us? To me?"
Harry snapped his fingers.
A pillar of fire appeared in the great hall. The heat being generated stronger then the hottest fiend-fire in anyone's worst nightmare. At the center of the pillar was a skeleton, screams still coming from it in agony beyond imaging.
As people watched, the skeleton in the fire slowly grew sinew, tendons, organs, all slowly grew back, despite the fire which flicked against them, then the skin slowly grew, then the hair, and suddenly inside the pillar stood Fudge, still screaming loudly, the screams echoing off the walls, the ceiling, the floor, all around. And the fire, just as suddenly, winks out of existence, leaving a perfectly fine Fudge standing with wisps of smoke twirling off his clothing. Fudge passes out, in his own urine. You really can't blame him.
Harry glances up from the floor and meets the girls eyes "Why? Because we can. And in the grand scope, you, like those around you, don't matter."
The girl whispers "I don't want to die. I just want to learn magic."
Harry walks up to the girl, and lifts her chin with a finger, and smiles gently down to her "And you will. Just not in this reality. I'm sorry, but you're quite fucked."
Harry drops his hand, ignoring the tears, and walks back to Luna and Hermione. Neither of which blink an eye at the behavior or the attitude of Harry. It's not that they don't care in some regards. They do, but that little girl, like all others in Hogwarts, were already soul bound and doomed to a slow and agonizing death of loss of life and magic. Sure they could fix it, but why should they? Subconsciously magic warns people of harm. Every single one of them, without exception, would have had their magic screaming at them to not enter the castle. Even with the obvious charms and geas on them, magic would demand survival in them. The fact they were here means they forcefully fought against their own survival instincts. So frankly, fuck the lot of them.
Harry, Hermione, and Luna glance up to the scorched ceiling where Fudge stood and Luna quips "That's going to leave a mark."
Harry glances down and shifts his gaze to all the students, meeting the eyes of the girl he talked to, tears pouring out of her eyes, knowing the truth of his statement "I think the mark was made quite well. Don't you agree?"
The little girl dropped her gaze, tears still rolling down her cherub cheeks.
Harry claps his hands "But don't worry everyone. No one will remember a thing. Because here, in this castle, in this country, on this planet, in this universe, of this reality. We. Are. Gods."
And Harry snaps his fingers.
Everything around starts to fade to black as minds are reset to how a normal sorting would have occurred. Luna, Hermione, and Harry being believed to have been sorted into Ravenclaw, and naturally bound to Hogwarts as all good half-bloods and blood traitors should. Or at least, that's what they will have made everyone think.
Fudge and Dumbledore will remember it as a nightmare, something that in the back of their heads will be screaming not to screw with the kids. Snape only remembers Cthulhu-Hedwig, his future master and colon egg laying eldritch horror.
As the little girl, her gaze getting blurry with the darkness encroaching, hears the final reason why Harry and his two girls would do this.
Heading out of the large double doors, Harry speaks up "And finally, because the world is our oyster, and we love fish."
As they walk out and the doors close, Luna quips "But weren't the Dementors more like chicken?"
Hermione gently smacks the back of Luna's head as the doors finish closing to Luna and Harry's laughter.
Omake:
Hermione's sorting:
Hermione puts on the sorting hat, which instead of trying to bind her to Hogwarts starts to scream.
Inside Hermione's mind, she has the sorting hat pinned down to a table, unraveling it into yarn and slowly knitting what looks to be a woolen pad. Inscribed on the pad are eldritch runes binding magic, life, and focus to the wearer, and ultimately permanent servitude.
The sorting hat, being unmade into some type of pad-like garment speaks up to Hermione in the mind-space "You stupid cunt, the rune scheme you have only works with blood. Blood of a virgin, willingly given. You won't find much of that here you stupid cow."
Hermione just grins in the mental space and grabs the sorting-hat-pad and steps into the bathroom. As the door closes you hear her say "I started my menses this morning, you'll make an excellent menstrual pad."
Outside in the real world, the hat continued to scream.
Luna's Sorting:
The hat looked on to an endless empty space. "Hello? Anyone here?"
Nothing but the cold of space met the sorting hat. It was going to be a very long wait.
Outside in the real world, the sorting hat sagged upon Luna's head and started to slide off. It landed at Luna's feet and slowly unraveled into nothing but tattered thread. Luna continued to chew something as she glanced up to the head table "Sorting hat soul tastes like battered cod."
Harry's Sorting:
Inside the mind scape the sorting hat sat at a chess board with Harry. Harry was looking over with his hand on a chess piece, the sorting hat spoke up "You see this as a chess game Harry? You stupid young fool, it's not chess, it's war. You'll die screaming like all those who went against us."
Harry glanced up from the chess board and looked at the representation of the sorting hat "Oh you misunderstand me. I'm not playing chess against you. I'm playing chess against Death."
The sorting hat blinks, and glances back behind itself. He sees a ghastly floating shape with a scythe, shudders, then glances back to the chess board "And why, Mr Potter, are you playing death a game of chess?"
Harry grins a shit eating grin "Why I'm glad you asked." The smile drops from Harry's face and he leans in and whispers in a voice devoid of all feeling "Because death is too fucking good for this world and when I burn you shits to glass, I'm making damn sure you stay alive and scream for eternity."
Harry, no longer bothering with the chess game, reaches across the board and flicks Death's king off the board "I win."
Death sighs, gives Harry the finger, and fades out of the mindscape. Damn cheaters.
**PING**
Quest: Cheat death and fuck the sorting hat.
Perks Gained: None, you damn cheater.
Stat Points Gained: I said fucking none, you damn cheater.
The sorting hat's eyes bulge as it, for the first time, sees a gaming pop up.
Harry grins to the sorting hat "Checkmate bitch."
In the real world, the sorting hat screamed.