Chapter Twenty-Eight – A Chasm Apart
The rift between him and Natasha had been far greater than Tony had anticipated it being. If he entered a room she was in, she would leave, even if she was in the middle of making something to eat. No matter what he did, Natasha refused to be anywhere in the same place that Tony was, and it was started to grate on his nerves a little. He'd attempted to apologise in so many ways and she just refused to hear it.
Clint was only marginally better, at least remaining in the same room as him, but barely a sentence had passed between them. Well, Tony had thrown several out, but they were met with silence, grunts, or monosyllabic words. He was at his wits end trying to mend everything, and though Bucky had taken steps to forgive him, Natasha and Clint hadn't.
He'd even gone so far as to make the concoction that Barton loved despite the fact that most people would likely have a heart attack with the amount of caffeine and sugar that was in the coffee. He'd made the little Russian cookies that Nat loved to make for him, but she'd taken one sniff, cursed in Russian at his abysmal attempt at baking and threw them in the bin. Tony had to admit, that one had hurt. A lot.
They were now five days deep into this stony silence he was being treated to and Tony had had enough of it all. He asked FRIDAY to get a message to Nat to meet him in the gym in an hour. It was time to work out the aggression and anger, and just maybe, he could get through to her just how sorry he was. If it meant she needed to beat his ass to a bloody pulp then he was quite willing to do so.
Grabbing his gym kit, he smiled tightly as he passed Bucky in the hall on his way to the elevator, blue eyes questioning the harsh look on his face. Tony merely shook his head, boarded the elevator and rode down to the gym in silence. He half expected the former assassin to have snubbed him, but there she was, spandex and all, waiting for him, bouncing around on the balls of her feet, stretching.
Tony nodded to her once, changed in the locker room, and bandaged his hands, expecting to go full hand-to-hand combat for her to be able to get over this. His body was already tightening in preparation for the beatdown he was about to receive. But, he knew he'd have to pull out all the stops because the minute she sensed that he was letting her win, she'd walk out, or possibly kill him.
When he re-emerged from the locker room, he found every member of the team stood around the mats, eyeing him warily. Steve stepped forward and placed a hand against his chest, stalling him. "Tony, you don't have to do this, you know she will come around eventually."
Shaking his head, Tony pushed the large hand off his chest. "I don't have eventually, Steve. I can't cope with this chasm between us, it's destroying me. I know I put it there, but I just…after everything, I can't. I just can't."
The blond stepped away and was replaced by Bucky, blue eyes filled with worry. "She is fast, Tony, remember that. She's been trained by me, and combined with her anger, she won't stop. You'll need to get in there first, put her down fast, and don't be afraid to go for the metaphorical kill."
Tony was surprised that the ex-assassin wasn't trying to talk him out of it, and was grateful for the pointers. Not that he needed them, he'd been working with her for long enough to know how she fought, and had studied her for longer. "I know, thanks, Buck."
He sensed Bucky wanted to do something more, kiss him perhaps, but Tony could see the man knew it would be nothing but a distraction for him. The pair parted and Tony faced the only other woman he'd loved besides his mother and Pepper. He did a few stretches to make sure he wouldn't pull anything serious and raised his hands in defence to what he assumed would be an immediate attack.
He wasn't disappointed. Nat attacked with such ferocity that he was afraid she might actually be trying to kill him. Surely he couldn't have upset her that badly? Was there something else wrong to cause such a visceral reaction? Her lips pulled back in a snarl, her punches and kicks flying faster than Tony ever thought humanly possible.
Fearing for his safety, and life, Tony realised he was going to have to get ruthless if he was going to get out of this fight without any serious injuries. Blocking rapidly, Tony caught her left hand as she punched and twisted it behind her back, he kicked into her knee so she started to go down and span around, grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into the mat with enough force she was winded.
Wasting no time, Tony swiftly brought himself down on her chest and pinned her arms underneath his legs, one hand on her throat, applying little pressure but prepared to, if he had to. "What the fuck was that?" He hissed at her.
Fiery eyes met his and Tony saw a rage he'd never before seen there, not even when Coulson had been murdered by Loki. Nothing but garbled Russian passed her lips and Tony struggled to make sense of what she was saying.
"Nat, talk to me, I know you're angry with me but seriously? That last kick would have broken my neck! I get that you don't think you can forgive me but is what I did really punishable by death?"
She screamed and tried to buck him off but Tony held fast, applied more pressure on her neck and bared his teeth in a snarl at her. Finally, he felt the fight leave her, her body going limp, tears gathering in her eyes. "You hurt him!" She screamed, the tears rolling down the sides of her face and disappearing into her hair. "We did you wrong, Bucky did you wrong, but you were getting better, then you did that!"
"You tried to kill me because I hurt him?" He said, incredulously. "I'd understand your anger if I'd tried to kill him!"
"You don't get it!" She screamed. "Being triggered like that, it removes all choice, all freedom, all will! We become nothing but robots! We'd comply with any request and have no way to fight it!"
"Yeah, and the request I made was only for him to go and help the civilians in the tower! It wasn't anything horrible, or evil! Jesus Christ, Nat, I just wanted to keep him safe! Yeah, it was shitty of he me to take the choice out of his hands but you tried to break my goddamn neck for something that Bucky has already begun to forgive me for!"
Natasha's red hair flew wildly around as she flung her head side to side. "You just don't get it!" She sobbed. "He trusted you, and you betrayed him!"
Tony lowered his face until it was inches from hers, his dark eyes sparking dangerously. "You would know all that, wouldn't you, Nat? Didn't you turn your back on me straight after you helped T'Challa and I wouldn't back you up? The only person who has any right to be angry with me is already moving on from it because he know why I did it."
Nat flinched at his mention of how she'd snubbed him after Rhodey had been diagnosed as paralysed. "What if we all had trigger codes, Tony? Would you trigger all us to get us to do what you wanted? Do our feelings mean nothing to you?"
Tony rolled his eyes a little at that one. "You're being melodramatic, Natasha! We've known each other for years! If we all had them I would only use them in the most desperate of situations! I admit that I should have tried harder to get Bucky to see what I needed from him, but I panicked because I was terrified he'd be hurt – or worse!"
He rose to his feet then, and held out his hand for her to take. She seemed to want to brush it aside but accepted. "Go on then, what's so important that you needed to do that to him?"
Tony looked at Bucky, if he admitted this in front of everyone it would mean they knew about them. Whatever they were. The super soldier nodded at him, a gentle smile on his lips. He turned his attention back to Natasha and cupped her cheek, wincing at the bruise that was already forming on her throat where he'd slammed her.
"While it was important to me to save as many people as possible, I did also have an ulterior motive…"
Natasha snorted and levelled him with a gaze of contempt. "No shit?"
"That ulterior motive was to keep him safe. Vanko was a tank, Nat, and he'd already managed to hurt Bucky, being there with no one else but me to stop him made me realise that Bucky could be very seriously injured. Or killed. That wasn't something I could not allow to happen, but I also couldn't admit to myself, or him, how I felt, so I did what I always do – I panicked. I used the first available tool to get Bucky to do what I wanted. It was selfish of me, cruel, and hurtful – I was wrong to do it. I care about him, Nat, a fucking lot, and the idea that he could be fatally injured? It tears me up inside."
The contempt dropped from Natasha's face and was replaced with a look of barely concealed shock. She looked between Tony and Bucky, and he caught the minute nod that Bucky gave, affirming what was said. "It's true," Bucky murmured.
"How do you know he's not just lying to cover his ass?" She asked the ex-soldier.
"Boss, would you like me to play the footage from the workshop?" FRIDAY asked innocently.
Tony choked on his tongue and coughed to cover his discomfort. "That won't be necessary, baby girl, but thanks. Nat, I swear to you, I care about him far more than you know. I have no idea where this is going to go, if anywhere, and for all we know it'll come crashing down around our ears."
Natasha looked at Tony intently before nodding. "Okay, I accept the explanation, I'm sorry I took it so far."
He smiled and shrugged. "Well, what can I expect from a former assassin? Of course you'll act first and ask questions later."
She had the grace to look shame-faced and quietly excused herself, Barton followed her, his lips twitching with mirth that the long-feared Black Widow had been taken down by the great Tony Stark, and forced into retreat with mere words.
He assumed everything was okay with them now, and exhaled deeply, the last drops of adrenaline leaving his system and leaving behind a bone-weary exhaustion he hadn't felt in a while now. Even when Hulk had gone rage-monster he hadn't been this exhausted.
He slumped sideways and fell into hard muscle, his hand coming up to rest on a chiselled chest. He expected to see Bucky but was surprised to find Steve staring down at him. "Come sit down, you look like you're about to pass out."
Tony shuffled along and flopped onto the bench at the edge of the gym, his chest heaving. His eyes searched out Bucky and found him hovering nearby, a worried look on his face. Tony nodded to him, letting him know that he was alright.
Steve clasped his shoulder and tilted Tony back so he they were eye to eye. "What you did was crazy, Tony," he bit out harshly. "But brave. I don't know many non-enhanced people willing to go up against her. I'm sorry that you were forced to tell others about your feelings, but it makes me happy to know Bucky has someone besides me that cares deeply about him."
"It is what it is, Steve. I wasn't actively trying to keep us a secret but I did quite enjoy having something to myself. Wherever it goes, whatever we become, thank you for supporting me and not giving me the shovel talk. We've still got a lot to sort out, but he's a risk worth taking."
Baby blues crinkled. "Alright, well, whatever happens, I'm glad things are all, somewhat, getting back to normal."
Tony burst out laughing. "I don't think things will ever be normal with us lot, Steve. But yeah, things are getting better every day."
And, the truth was, they were. There were a lot less fights going on, Tony didn't flinch quite so much when someone crept up on him, or when Cap moved too suddenly. He'd only really expected to be civil towards Bucky, yet there they were, in the beginnings of a (possible) relationship. His enemy had turned into…well, boyfriend was a little too strong, but it was certainly a step in the right direction for another time.
He glanced towards the former soldier and felt his heart clench in the most bittersweet way. Blue eyes crinkled as he smiled and Tony answered it with an easy grin. He hopped to his feet and went to the soldier, braced a hand on his broad chest and went onto his toes. Tony brushed the softest of kisses across Bucky's lips and winked at him, loving the way his eyes danced with happiness.
Later that night, after Tony had showered and changed into some pyjamas, the team piled into the common room and a movie was put on. Clint sat his left, Bucky on his right, and Nat on the floor between his spread knees. Tony worked his fingers through her now shoulder length hair and gently untangled the knots.
Bucky's metal hand rested on Tony's knee, the thumb gently making tight circles, his eyes darting between the film and his face. Once or twice, Tony turned for a kiss and Bucky obliged without hesitation. Clint kept nudging his arm and waggling his eyebrows at him, but there was no real teasing there, no malice. Sometime between the middle of the film and the credit, Tony had fallen asleep, his face pressed against Bucky's metal arm, his feet moved into Clint's lap and Nat had fetched a blanket to cover him. For the first time in what felt like forever, Tony slept without nightmares.