The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 3

By Derald Snyder

"It was so horrible, Adrian!" Peach cried as she sobbed into her boyfriend's chest. "All those faces, staring at me...!"

"Well, you just have to learn not to look in that specific direction," Adrian muttered as he ran a hand through Peach's hair.

"I'm surprised you didn't know about it..." sighed Vert. "Almost everyone in Gamindustri is aware of the fourth wall in some fashion or another..."

"With all due respect, Lady Vert," Peach began, "before I was hired into the army, my Mom and I were doing everything we could just to keep our heads above water, so to speak. Didn't exactly have time to know or care about the fourth wall..."

"...Well, that's fair enough," Vert conceded. "So about we get back at Neptune for traumatizing you like that?"

"Wh-what do you mean, 'get back at her'?" Peach asked worriedly.

"Oh, nothing too harsh... just a harmless prank, of sorts. I've already gotten little Nepgear to agree..."

"You did?" Adrian blinked in surprise. "I thought she adored her sister..."

The busty CPU just shrugged. "Well, perhaps some of Rom and Ram have rubbed off on her... After all, they prank their sister Blanc all the time..."

"The Twin Terrors of Lowee..." Peach muttered.

"Yeah, I heard them being called that back in high school," Adrian nodded. "But anyway... what kind of prank did you have in mind, Lady Vert?"

"Well, it's going to require a trip to Planeptune..."

*Planeptune Basilicom, a few days later*

"Mmmmmmnnnnnn..." Neptune yawned as she slowly roused from her nap. But as she woke up, she realized something didn't feel right... Her face felt all... rubbery.

(Uh-oh, hope I didn't catch something...) The goddess thought as she shifted into a sitting position, stretching a bit... then she realized she was dressed in white robes. "What the...?" Her voice sounded muffled.

"Oh my goodness!" Neptune turned toward the voice- it was Nepgear her hands clasped over her mouth in shock. "Neptune, say it isn't so!"

"What's wrong, Nep. Jr? Do I have mumps or something?"

"Even worse!" Nepgear responded, shaking her head. "You've become an old hag!"

"Say what?!" Neptune gasped. "No, that can't be right! We're CPUs- we don't age!"

"Th-then how do you explain this?!" The CPU candidate pulled out a hand mirror, showing it to her sister...

A wrinkled face with a bent nose, white hair and D-Pad clips stared back.

"AAAUUUUUUGGGHHHH!" Neptune screamed in horror, her hands going to her face... then realization dawned on her. "Oh, waaaaait a minute, I get it... this's just a mask, isn't it? Funny, Nep Jr... nice try..." However, as she pulled at her face, it wouldn't give an inch, no matter which way she tried. "Wh-what the nep?! It won't come off!"

"It *can't* come off, Neptune!" Nepgear insisted. "That's your real face!"

"No no no no no no noooooooo!" cried Neptune cried as she continued to pull every which way at her face... then she heard laughter, as a nearby closet door opened, Peach stumbling out.

"Heeheeheeheeahhahahahahahaaaaa! S-sorry, Nepgear... couldn't hold it in any longer!" The blonde then collapsed to the ground, rolling with laughter.

"B-Big Peashy?!" Neptune said confusedly. "What's going on here?!"

"Smile, Neptune," declared Vert as she entered from the adjacent room, holding up her mobile device. "You're on candid camera!"

"Vert?!" the purple-haired goddess cried out in shock. "Wait, was this your doing?!" She then looked over at her sister, who was now giggling uncontrollably herself, her hands over her mouth. "Nepgear... You... you underhanded, vile, *traitor*! How could you do this to me?! Your own sister...!"

"Now, now," Vert tried to calm her fellow CPU. "All little Nepgear did was apply the superglue to your face... I was the one that affixed the mask. And Peach here is the one that dyed your hair white."

"Hee hee hee..." Peach was still chortling as she slowly picked herself up. "that's what you get... for exposing me... to the fourth wall like that...!" Glancing at her victim, she ended up doubling over in laughter again.

"I-it's OK, Neptune," Nepgear said as she tried to stifle her own laughter. "That superglue dissolves in water, so a good dunking and that mask should come right off..."

"It had better," muttered Neptune, as her hands went to her side...

*SLASH!*

Vert gasped as her mobile device split in two and shattered, Neptune now holding her katana in hand.

"Clearly I'm *not* an old lady, seeing my reflexes are as good as ever," the CPU smirked. "No putting this crap on the Internep for you, Vert!"

"Oh dear," Vert sighed. "Good thing I backed up recently..."

Peach was no longer laughing. "You do realize, *Neptuna*... that as Lady Vert's bodyguards I can't ignore you swinging a weapon at her!" With that, she grabbed the smaller girl in a headlock and dragged her off.

"Whaddaya gonna do?!" Neptune grunted as she tried to pry herself loose, to no avail...

"I'm gonna give you a good old-fashion waterboarding!" Peach declared as they walked into the kitchen. "Already got a sink full of water ready for you!"

"H-hey, wait a nep- *blublbublbulblbluglurbblurbblblbrulglub!*" the CPU gurgled as her head was forced underwater. After a few seconds Peach pull her back up, gasping and coughing. "*Cough, choke* N-no fair...!"

"All's fair in love and war," Peach recited. "And seeing as I'm a soldier... but look on the bright side, that old lady mask should come off easy now!" With that, she grabbed the nose of the mask and pulled as hard as she could, Neptune crying out in pain as she felt skin cells being pulled off her face...

*POP!* Off came the mask, Neptune blinking and shaking her head... "Sheesh, Peashy, do ya gotta be so rough...?"

"I'm a rough-and-tumble kinda gal," Peach just shrugged. "Uh-oh, Neptuna, you've still got some white dye in your hair...!"

"Noooo- *glubblurbleblubblbrleglrbblub!*" Neptune's arms waved frantically as her head was forced underwater again.

"Peach, dear, that's enough," Vert ordered. "I think you've got your point across..." The soldier promptly complied, pulling Neptune's head up again before handing her off to Nepgear, who started drying her sister's face with a towel.

"*gasp, cough, cough, gag* All I did was break Vert's MyPhone..." Neptune weakly protested.

"Yeah, you could've gone a little easier on her, Miss Peach..." Nepgear agreed.

"Ugh, please don't call me 'miss'..." Peach protested. "I'm only 28, after all..."

"Well, we've had our fun, so I suppose we'll be off..." said Vert, turning to walk away, Peach quickly following behind. "Perhaps next time, you'll exercise a bit more tact when you expose someone to the fourth wall like that..."

"Hey it was *you* who brought up the fourth wall to begin with...!" Neptune retorted, but in vain- the two were already gone...

*Outside the Basilicom*

"Do you have it, Adrian?" Vert asked as she and Peach walked outside.

"I got it," the Army soldier nodded, holding up his own mobile device. "Nice bit of distraction, Lady Vert- making it look as if you were the one recording the prank, so CPU Neptune didn't even think to look for me..."

"I don't even know where you hid," Peach shrugged. "But I guess that was kinda the point..." She then grinned as she quaked with excitement. "I can't wait to get this uploaded on the Internep...!"

"NOT HAPPENING!" An *extremely* loud voice bellowed, forcing all three Leanbox denizens to cover their ears.

"What the hell was that?!" cried Adrian, having dropped his device.

"Ta-daaaa!" declared the new arrival, an HDD CPU with orange hair and a megaphone. "It's me, Orange Heart, the magical girl of dreams!" With that, she stomped on Adrian's mobile device, smashing it beyond repair. "Naughty naughty, trying to publicly humiliate my fellow goddess Nepsy! Bad Vertsy!"

"Oh no..." Vert moaned. "I completely forgot about Uzume..."

"We've... we've been foiled... by a goddess Peach and I knew nothing about...!" said Adrian in disbelief.

"Hee hee, pranksters foiled! My work here is done! Bye bye!" said Orange Heart as she flew off...

"CUUUUUUUURRSSEEEEEEEESS!" Peach wailed in despair.

*Episode 3- End*