The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 4

By Derald Snyder

Date: ?

12:06 AM

Leanbox Basilicom- Hallway

Peach was abruptly woken from her sleep by a strange noise. Guided by military instinct, she whipped off her covers and rolled off her cot into a kneeling position. Shaking her head to clear the fogginess from her mind, she listened carefully, hearing the door gently shut. (What the- I thought I locked that... no, I *know* I did...!) Which meant either the person had a key, or was a really good lockpick.

Though Peach was currently dressed in only a t-shirt and panties, it wouldn't stop her from doing what was necessary to protect Lady Vert... She waited, controlling her breathing as she heard the intruder climb up the stairs... "Lady Vert, I'm coming for yoooooouuu...!" a female voice sing-songed.

(Not on my watch, assassin,) The bodyguard vowed, waiting for the right moment to strike... eventually, a slender figure came into view, wearing a bow on her head, heading straight for Vert's bedroom...

(NOW!) Peach lunged forward, catching the other woman in a headlock before slamming her into the opposite wall.

"What the-?!" the intruder protested as Peach grabbed her by the throat and pinned her.

"Who are you and what are you doing in Lady Vert's Basilicom?!" the soldier demanded, loosening her grip just enough for the other girl to speak.

"LADY VERT, HELP-!" the intruder screamed aloud, before getting choked again.

"You didn't answer my question, bitch!" Peach growled. Just then, the door to Vert's room slammed open, flooding the hallway with light, the goddess herself running out to see what was going on.

"Peach, what are you doing?!" Vert gasped.

"Caught an intruder, Lady Vert," the bodyguard answered, the other girl squirming ineffectively in her grip.

"Oh, for-" the CPU sighed. "That's my Oracle you're choking, Peach..."

"Huh?!" Now that the hallway was better lit, Peach could get a better look at the woman, seeing she had bright green hair. "Y-you're Chika Hakozaki?!"

"-YES!" Chika managed to get out. The blonde promptly released her, letting her slide to the floor, gasping and coughing as Vert ran over to check on her.

"Oh my Goddess, I am *so* sorry!" Peach apologized profusely, clasping her hands in distress. "I thought you were an assassin or something!"

"*cough* Lady Vert, who is this broad...?" Chika groaned as her goddess helped her up.

"That 'broad' is my bodyguard, and a former soldier in Leanbox's army," Vert asserted. "Honestly, Chika, you should have sent advance notice that you were coming..."

"I wanted to surprise you...!" Chika weakly protested as she leaned against the wall. "And since when did you need a bodyguard, anyway...?" Her eyes then went wide as something occurred to her. "W-wait, Lady Vert, don't tell me... you got someone new to replace me since I was gone so long! Say it isn't so, Lady Vert...!"

"Chika, please," Vert sighed as she rubbed her temples. "There's no need for that. Of *course* I haven't replaced you..."

"Yeah, my title's 'bodyguard', not 'Oracle'," Peach pointed out.

"Anyway, how about we go down to the kitchen, and talk things over?" the busty CPU suggested. "I'll make us some tea..."

12:15 AM

Leanbox Basilicom- Kitchen

Chika took a long pull from her teacup before setting it down. "So then, you're a combat instructor...?"

"*Former* combat instructor," Peach clarified. "They kicked me out when they found out I was a woman..."

"Well, that seems unfair," Chika shook her head. "This is Neptunia, after all, what did they expect?"

"At least I got an honorable discharge, if nothing else," Peach shrugged, as she sipped her tea.

"She and her mother were on the edge of poverty before Peach managed to get into the army, thanks to her boyfriend," Vert explained. "I first met her when her boyfriend was arrested on false charges, and she tried to testify in his defense. Unfortunately, that was what led her to being exposed and discharged... Long story short, I took pity on her and hired her into my service, so she wouldn't slip back into poverty again..."

Chika sighed and chuckled. "I should've known... that's just so like you, Lady Vert..."

"Just so we're clear, Miss Hakozaki... my relationship with Lady Vert is completely professional," Peach asserted. "That was one my conditions for taking this job..."

"And I have abided by it," Vert affirmed. "Peach and I may have played some video games together, but that's as far as it's gone. And no BL games, either..."

"In fact, I haven't even slept in your old room," Peach added. "Granted, someone else was using it when I was hired, but..."

"Someone else...?" Chika's eye twitched slightly.

"Peach's boyfriend's lawyer," The CPU elaborated. "She was originally on vacation from Lowee, and she needed a place to sleep, so..." (No need to tell her it was Rei Ryghts, of all people...)

"...Fair enough," Chika deferred. "Just as long as he or she didn't touch anything they weren't supposed to..."

Vert shook her head. "To my knowledge, the only thing she touched beside the bed was the game console."

"Yeah, I haven't even gone in there to clean up," Peach added. "Kinda afraid of what I'll find in there..."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" the Leanbox Oracle inquired.

"Yes, Peach, what do you mean?" Vert concurred.

The blonde's eyes went wide as she began to blush red. "U-umm... n-nothing... nothing at all, hee hee..."

"Peach..." the CPU pressed.

"Argh!" Peashy bowed her head and clutched at her hair. "J-just... rumors I heard... th-that's all..."

"What kind of rumors?" Vert demanded.

Peach squeaked in distress, her face beet red now. "U-un... unsavory rumors..."

Chika understood the implications at once. "Oh, for- you too?! For Goddess' sake, I am *not* involved in an illicit relationship with Lady Vert! Just because I give her massages and play some BL games with her, people have to blow things way out of proportion! Unbelievable...!"

"I'm sorryyyyyy...!" Peach moaned, unable to look either woman in the eye.

"Chika, that will be quite enough," Vert sighed. "While I am glad to have you back, you and Peach are going to have to learn to get along. I won't tolerate any in-fighting in my Basilicom, understand?"

Chika took a breath to try and calm herself. "Of course Lady Vert, I understand. But I won't hesitate to correct the record if Miss Peachy here has any other misconceptions about you and me!"

"Peashy, not Peachy..." the bodyguard sighed.

"Peashy...?" the Oracle blinked. "Lady Vert, you even have a *pet name* for her...?!"

"That's the nickname her *mother* and *boyfriend* call her by," Vert clarified, again rubbing her temples.

Now it was Chika's turn to blush. "Oh, right... of course... sorry about that..."

"Look, Miss Hakozaki," Peach interjected, "Obviously we got off on the wrong foot... so how about we go to bed, get some sleep, and start fresh in the morning?" She extended her open hand as an offer of truce...

"...well, all right," Chika agreed, grasping her hand to shake...

*CRUNCH!*

"EEYYOOOOWWWW-!"

"Oooooops," Peach grimaced. "I forget my own strength sometimes..."

*Episode 4- End*