The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 11

by Derald Snyder

"You called, Lady Vert?" Chika said excitedly as she ran up. Said excitement immediately dampened, however, when she saw Peach standing nearby with her arms folded. "What is she doing here?!"

"She called me here, too," the soldier stated simply. "So what's up, Lady Vert?"

The busty CPU typed at the keyboard for a few more seconds, before turning to face her subordinates. "I've received word of a wild pack of horned wolves assaulting citizens in the woods outside Gargan City. Or so someone would like us to think..."

"What do you mean?" Peach inquired.

"By observing the patterns of attack, I've come to believe this is a trained pack of wolves, taking orders from a human master. I can't guess at their motives, but nevertheless, we need to nip this in the bud."

"Even so, they should be nothing for you, Lady Vert!" Chika pointed out.

"Unfortunately, I have other business to attend to," Vert stated. "Which is why the two of you will be fulfilling this Quest."

"WHAT?!" Both women cried.

"Y-you can't be serious!" Chika protested. "I can't work with this muscle-bound broad!"

"Lady Vert, I'd be more than capable of handling this by myself!" Peach asserted. "I don't need her dragging me down!"

"...surely you of all people wouldn't defy a direct order from your goddess, Staff Sergeant Macintosh," Vert asserted, causing the soldier's face to turn several shades paler.

"Please, Lady Vert!" cried Chika. "I beg you to reconsider!"

"Denied," The CPU rejected her flat-out. "You two need to learn to work together, and a Quest like this is a perfect opportunity for that. Surely, if you can keep from killing each other, you can resolve this incident without too much hassle..."

The two women looked at each other, before sighing in resignation. "Yes, Lady Vert..."

*Later, in the woods outside Gargan City...*

Chika and Peach trudged through the forest, the former armed with her trusty spear and the latter decked out in full military armor, not speaking to each other, mired in their own thoughts.

"Hey, Hazozaki?" Peach spoke up.

"What?" Chika growled, stopping but not turning to face her.

"Let's stop beating around the bush. We haven't spoken since we set out," Peach began. "And I think you and I both know why Lady Vert sent us out together..."

The Oracle slowly turned to face her colleague. "Well, if she thinks forcing us on a mission together is going to get us to put aside our differences, she's got it all wrong. Much as I hate to say anything bad about Lady Vert..."

Peach responded by pulling her helmet off, so she could speak to Chika face-to-face. "Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I'm not the enemy here."

"Yeah?" Chika retorted. "In that case, I'm not sure what you are..."

Peach closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Look, you're only hurting yourself with these juvenile pranks. I thought you were more mature than that, Oracle..."

"Says the woman with assets rivaling Lady Vert's," the other woman shot back. "And don't give me that 'I hate my big boobs' crap..."

The armored soldier blinked for a second as something occurred to her. "Is that why... is that why you hate me so much? Because I have blond hair, blue eyes, and a big bust, just like Lady Vert herself? Because I look more like her 'little sister' than you ever did?" Seeing Chika visibly flinch, she continued, "My Goddess... that *is* it, isn't it?!"

The green-haired woman took a step back, looking on the verge of tears. "Sh-shut up! Leave me alone!" she screamed as she turned and dashed off into the woods...

"Hey, wait! Come back!" Peach called after her as she gave chase...

Chika ran as hard as she could, eyes shut as tears streamed from them... (I don't care anymore... Lady Vert can *have* her for all I care...!) Unfortunately, running blind at such a speed had consequences...

*CRUNCH!*

"AAAAAAAAAAHH-!"

*Thud!*

"Owwww..."

The Oracle slowly picked herself up, realizing she had just run right into a pitfall trap. "Oh for- of all the things!" She punched the wall in frustration. "Could things get any worse...?"

"That depends on your definition of 'worse'," a haughty female voice spoke up from outside the pit. "For example, it might be 'worse' for me, since I caught a human instead of prey..."

"Then how about giving me a hand out of here?!" Chika insisted.

"...on the other hand, it might be 'better' for me as well, because my precious pet may have found a new toy to play with..." A giant Dogoo then poked its face over the edge.

Chika's face instantly went pale. "Y-you wouldn't dare-! Do you have any idea who I am?!"

"Chika Hazozaki, Oracle of Leanbox and Vert's second-in-command," the voice answered. "Though I hear you've been rather naughty as of late..."

"Wh-what does that have to do with anything?!" the Oracle protested.

The woman's voice answered, "Well, it just really upsets me that you're causing your goddess so much grief lately... Especially since you've been *so* loyal to her before... Seems like the only thing that'll get through to you is some cruel and unusual punishment! Sic, Dogoo!" With that, the giant blob started oozing down the pit towards the trapped woman...

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Chika cried in horror... but then, the Dogoo stopped, surprise showing on its face as it was apparently pulled back up against its will.

"Not on *my* watch, bitch!" The Oracle had never been so relieved to hear Peach's voice... She then heard sounds of violence, the Dogoo screaming in pain as the Leanbox soldier beat the crap out of it, until the sound of its dematerializing was heard. A few seconds later, Peach's helmet appeared over the hole. "Hey, you OK, Hazozaki? Hold on, I'm coming down..."

Chika quickly backed up against the wall as Peach landed in front of her. "You muscle-brain, what are you doing?! Now we're both trapped!"

"...Obviously, you don't know high I can jump," Peashy deadpanned as she gently grabbed Chika around the waist before crouching...

The Oracle couldn't help but scream in surprise as they sailed up the length of the shaft, landing a half-foot away from the hole.

"What's this, now?" the haughty voice spoke out again, Chika unable to pinpoint where it was coming from. "The bodyguard coming to the Oracle's rescue? And here I thought you hated her guts..."

"The only person who's guts I hate right now are yours, bitch!" Peach growled as she set her co-worker back on her feet. "Why don't you come out and face us, you coward?!"

The unknown woman just laughed in response. "Come now, do you really expect me to fall for a taunt like that? I see no reason to bother with you myself... seeing as I have *plenty* of other pets to do the job for me!" She then whistled, several horned wolves suddenly emerging from the surrounding brush...

"Looks like we've found our objective," Peach muttered as she pulled out her baton. "You ready to fight, Hazozaki?"

The Oracle brandished her spear. "To borrow a phrase from Neptune... 'Bring 'em on.'"

"Sic, wolves!" the voice commanded, the wild canines barking as they rushed the duo. Chika struck first, using a Rainy Ratnapura attack to gouge several wounds in the lead wolf, defeating it almost instantly. Peach then charged forward, knocking several wolves aside with a swing of her baton. One wolf managed to bite her outstretched arm, though the armor did its job, preventing any damage. Peach then put her other arm behind the wolf's neck before jerking its head back, its spinal cord snapping as a result, killing it.

Chika jumped as two wolves closed in on her, the canines colliding as a result, knocking them temporarily senseless. The Oracle then used her momentum and gravity to jam her spear into the back of another wolf, defeating it. She then thrust her weapon into the ribcage of one of two that had collided, hitting a vital spot, which killed that one as well. The other horned wolf had recovered by this time, charging again at Chika, another of its brethren bringing up the rear.

"Too predictable," the green-haired woman chuckled as she unleashed a Sylhet Spear which impaled both monsters and dematerialized them. "Who's next?"

Her question was quickly answered as another wolf leapt on her from behind, knocking her to the ground. Adrenaline surged through the woman as she heaved the monster off her back, quickly turning over and thrusting her spear through its neck, killing it. But then another wolf jumped on Chika and pinned her to the ground...

But instead of biting or mauling her, it began to lick her face instead. The Oracle then caught a glance between it's legs seeing something she immediately wished she hadn't... "Oh *yuck*! It's a male in heat!"

But then, the wolf found himself grabbed by the tail and lifted off Chika... "Bad dog!" Peashy yelled as she slammed the wolf into a nearby tree. "No bestiality allowed!" The monster was smashed into several other trees, before finally getting slammed to the ground, dematerializing as a result.

"Is that all of them?" Chika inquired, before hearing the Neptunia victory music. "I'm out of practice," she mused as she righted herself and retrieved her spear.

The mysterious voice then heaved a sigh. "Well, now look at what you've done... and after all the trouble I went through whipping those poodles into obedience... Guess it's true what they say, you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself..."

"So, you finally gonna come out of hiding and face us?!" Peach demanded.

"I wasn't hiding, per se..." the voice answered. "More like observing from above..." A pair of long sexy legs then emerged from the over hanging brush, encased in tall boots with high heels, followed by sexy hips, E-cup sized breasts, arms covered in black gloves with purple gauntlets, long purple hair...

And red power-symbol eyes, the telltale sign of a CPU in HDD. A curved, segmented sword then materialized in her right hand as she gave the two women a haughty smirk. "Here I am, ladies..."

"My Goddess..." Chika's face went pale as recognition registered. "A-aren't you... Iris Heart?!"

"Iris Heart?!" Peach cried in shock. "B-but I thought that was just a scary story by Neptuna...!"

"Oh, Neppy told you about me?" the CPU smirked as the segments of her sword separated, transforming into a whip-like weapon, which she slapped against the ground. "Then I think you realize what you're in for..."

Like her boyfriend, Peach wasn't usually one to let fear rule over her decision-making process... but in this case, it completely overwhelmed her, causing her to conceive only one possible option...

"RUUUUUUUNNN!"

*To be continued...*