The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 13

by Derald Snyder

"Oooooooh yeah..."

It wasn't unusual to hear moans and sighs of contentment from the massage room when Chika Hazozaki worked her magic with her hands...

What *was* unusual, however, was that it wasn't Vert getting the massage this time, but Peashy, who was laying on her front side with her bra strap undone, though she still wore her spandex shorts, socks and shoes. Her body also had a few bandages here and there, from wounds incurred in the battle with Iris Heart.

"I have to admit," muttered Chika, "That working on you is quite a different experience from Lady Vert... you're much more... muscular... oh, here's another knot!"

"Oooh yes!" Peach grunted as the Oracle worked the knot loose... before crying out in pain. "OW! That's a bandage, that's a bandage...!"

"Sorry!" Chika apologized. "I tried to be careful..." She shifted her hands' position. "Here, this spot shouldn't be so painful..."

Peach sighed in relief as her friend went to work again. "Aaah yeah, that's better..."

"By the way," Chika spoke up, "What was that technique you used on Iris Heart? I don't think I've seen anything like that before..."

"Picked it up from a boxing anime," the soldier grunted. "Forgot what that series was called... but I think that technique was based on something that's actually used in pro boxing... what was it called? The Dumpster Roll? Kempsey Roll? Something like that anyway..."

"I see... well, it certainly did the trick," The Oracle nodded. Just then, the door opened, Vert herself walking in.

"My, my," the CPU smiled, "You two seem to be getting along a lot better now... usually Chika will only massage me and me alone."

"I owe her my life, Lady Vert," Chika stated simply, "and I had to repay her somehow..."

Vert nodded, smiling. "Just as long as you aren't... playing around..."

"Wh-what?!" Peach's eyes shrank to circles.

"Lady Vert...!" Chika's face reddened. "See, this is exactly why there are unsavory rumors concerning you and I flying about...!"

The busty blonde just chuckled in response. "What, can't I tease my little sister a little bit?"

"Meep...!" Chika turned even redder as her hands went to her cheeks.

"She's gonna die of embarrassment if you keep that up," Peach deadpanned. "Chika, if you're done, you mind putting my bra back on, please?!"

"Huh...? O-oh, right!" The Oracle promptly did as requested, re-fastening the bra strap, allowing Peashy to sit up and retrieve her t-shirt, inadvertently showing off her bandages to Vert in the process.

"Oh my," the CPU gasped, "Looks like you had a rough time of it... No wonder Chika wanted to massage you..."

"Yeah, well..." Peach pulled her t-shirt over her head before pulling her ponytail out. "Do the words 'Iris Heart' mean anything to you?"

"Oh, dear!" Vert sighed, "You got off easy, if that's the case..."

Chika blinked. "Lady Vert... did you just look down and to the left? That's a sure sign of a... liar..." Suddenly everything clicked. "Oh my Goddess... Lady Vert! You set us up, didn't you?!"

"Set us up?" Peach blinked in confusion. "Y-you're crazy, Chika! Lady Vert would never deliberately send us into conflict with someone like *that*!" The blonde then heard the sound of a yawn, before a familiar face walked in behind Vert. "Wh- Plutia! What are you doing here?"

"Hiii~, Peashy..." Plutia greeted.

"I knew it!" cried Chika. "That proves it was a set-up!"

"Say what?" Peach was beyond confused now. "How does Plutia being here prove we were set-up to meet Iris Heart?"

"You idiot!" the Oracle cried. "Plutia *is* Iris Heart!"

"WHAT?!" cried Peach... before bursting into laughter. "Ah-hahahahaha! Th-that's a good one, Chika! I know Plutia, there's no way her HDD is an evil dominatrix...!"

"Are you suuuure about that, Peashy...?" Plutia herself spoke up.

"Wha..." Peach shook her head in disbelief. "C-come on, Plutia, y-you're just messing with me, right?"

"Am I~?" the purple-haired CPU smirked. "Why do you think Noire and Blanny got reeeeally quiet when I told them I might get angry...?"

The blonde's eyes went wide as she processed this... Noting the similarity in hair and eye color... "No... no... Th-that's not true... that's impossible!"

"Oooooohh?" Plutia said, before being engulfed in a pillar of light...

And sure enough, it was Iris Heart who was standing there. "Look with your eyes Peashy, you know it to be true..."

The soldier promptly recoiled in horror. "N... NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chika herself had backed up against the wall, quaking with fear... However, the dominatrix did not move to attack or restrain either girl.

"I'm so sorry about this, Peach..." Vert sighed forlornly. "While I admit I took advantage of your ignorance about Plutia's HDD form, part of me wishes you didn't have to find out this way..."

"...Vert. Chika." Iris spoke up. "I want to talk to poor Peashy one-on-one, so would you both get the hell out?"

"I... I can leave? Y-yes ma'am! Gladly!" Chika nodded vigorously, before fleeing the room as fast her feet could carry her, Vert following at a more sedate pace, quietly closing the door behind her, a somewhat sad expression on her face.

Once they had departed, Iris Heart slowly walked up to the still-shaking Peach, before abruptly grabbing her in a firm, affectionate hug. "My dear Peashy, I am so sorry for what I did to you earlier..."

"S... sorry?" the blonde gasped as her heart restarted.

"I told you earlier that I didn't want to hurt you like that..." The CPU then observed a bandage on Peach's arm. "At least let me help ease your pain... Heal." Peashy slowly drew in a breath as the green wave of energy washed over her, feeling the residual pain from her wounds ebb away. "And I forgive you for beating on me earlier," Iris Heart continued as she looked her friend in the eye. "After all, you were just acting in defense of a co-worker... no-one could fault you for that... and look what it led to. She's gone from hating your guts to giving you a massage... and I didn't even have to punish her." She closed her eyes and smiled.

In that moment, looking at the CPU's face, Peach saw not Iris Heart, but... "P... Plutia?"

"That's right, Peashy," the other woman nodded, "I'm still Plutia. I've just been through some changes, that's all..."

The soldier began to feel her fear abate somewhat. "S-so... you threw the fight, didn't you?"

"I wouldn't exactly say I *threw* the fight..." Plutia muttered. "That last attack of yours did hurt... I actually had to heal myself after that assault..." She pulled away slightly. "I have to admit, you surpassed my expectations, Peashy... You hit almost as hard as your 'little sister' in HDD..."

"Y-you don't say..." said Peach as she glanced away. "No offense, Plutia, but could you please un-transform or whatever?"

"As you wish," the CPU assented, reverting to her human form. "I *am* sorry for scaring you like that, though... it was kinda Vert's idea to begin with..."

"Yeah, she said as much," Peashy sighed. "I'll give her a piece of my mind later, but first, there's someone else I need to talk to..."

*Some time later...*

Neptune yawned as she roused from her nap... but almost immediately realized something wasn't right. As her eyes blinked open, she realized her arms were chained to the wall, while her sock-clad feet were being restrained by Nepgear's Wake-er-up 2000. "H-hey! What the nep's going on here?!"

In response, Peach stepped into view. "Neptuna... I've got a bone to pick with you. As does one other person..." At that, Iris Heart stepped out from behind her.

"S-Sadie?!" Neptune squeaked. "What'd I do?! What'd I do?!"

"You scared poor Peashy here by telling her a scary story involving me," Iris Heart stated simply.

"And *then* you failed to tell me that she was actually Plutia," Peach added. "That's not very nice, Neptuna..."

The bound CPU was sweating a bit now. "O-oh, come on! I thought Plutie or Vert woulda told you or something...!"

"That's a weak excuse, Neppy, and you know it," Iris Heart retorted. "I wanted to punish you in my usual way, but Peashy thought that was going too far... so we talked it over and came up with something that would satisfy both of us..." A sinister smirk spread over the dominatrix's face.

"Wh-what are ya gonna do?!" cried Neptune. Her two captors answered by pulling out large feathers...

"I thought the fact that you were held by Nepgear's tickle-torture device would be hint enough..." Plutia chuckled, as she pulled out a familiar-looking remote...

The other CPU's eyes went wide. "Oh no..."

"Here we come, Neptuna...!" said Peach, grinning evilly as she and Iris Heart approached...

*Click!* went the big red button.

And so, the Planeptune Basilicom echoed with it's goddess's uncontrollable laughter for hours on end...

*Episode 13- End*