The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 22

by Derald Snyder

Despite it being the dead of winter, an innocent suggestion had caused things to spiral out of control, and the Console Wars had resumed between Lowee and Leanbox once more.

Peach hunkered down behind the embankment, wishing she'd been clad in her armor rather than winter clothes. The enemy was close, and one wrong move would result in a barrage of ordnance. Lowee was no stranger to winter combat, and their experience was definitely giving them the edge here. Chika had already been downed by a hit to the chest, currently laying on the ground, shivering from the cold... Peach chanced a glance over the wall, only to immediately duck as the enemy opened fire... thankfully, their ordnance sailed over her head and exploded harmlessly behind her.

"Sergeant!" A familiar voice called. "What's the situation?"

"Not good, Lady Vert," Peach shouted back. "Chika's down for the count, and the enemy's got me pinned!"

"Can't you use your jumping ability for an aerial attack?" Vert suggested.

"I would if I could get into position!" the blonde soldier retorted.

"What's the matter, Leanbox? Ready to give up yet?" Blanc's voice echoed from the other side.

"We have not yet begun to fight!" Vert yelled back defiantly. Turning back to Peach, she whispered, "I'll try and distract them while you get in position. Go!" Peach nodded and began to crawl into position, while Vert prepared two volleys of ordnance, quickly popping up and throwing them in the enemy's general direction. Retaliation was prompt, but Vert's speed served her well, allowing her easily dodge the counterattack...

By this time, Peach was locked and loaded in a crouching position. The moment she saw Vert duck out of the way, she launched herself into the air, rising several feet quickly... at the apex of her jump, she looked down and launched her projectiles...

...nailing both Rom and Ram right in the face, caught off-guard by snowballs coming from the sky. "Augh, she got us!" Ram exclaimed in surprise.

As Peashy fell back down, however, another snowball hit her in the face, causing her to recoil and land hard on her back. "Oww..."

"Ha! Right in the kisser!" Blanc crowed in triumph. "Looks like it's just you and me now, Thunder Tits!"

"...oh, but is it?" Vert taunted, as she heard an engine revving in the distance. Soon, a jeep appeared from over the hill, screeching to a halt between the two snow fortresses. "You're late, Adrian."

"Apologies, Lady Vert!" the petty officer grunted as he dismounted from the vehicle, walking to the back, where there was something covered in a tarpaulin. "Kinda got hung up on a snowbank back there..."

"Avenge me, Adrian!" Peach called, still lying on the ground as she brushed snow off her face.

"What the hell is this?!" Blanc demanded. "Calling for back-up's not fair!"

"You were the one that said this was a 'no-holds-barred' snowball fight," Vert pointed out. "Which means, there are no rules, and anything is fair game! Right, petty officer?"

"Yes ma'am!" Adrian responded as he removed the tarpaulin, revealing a machine with a push-handle, wheels, and a spout of some sort.

"W-what's that?" Rom asked.

"That's NOT what I think it is!" Blanc freaked out.

"That's right, Lady Blanc. It's a snow-blower!" Adrian taunted as he set the machine on the ground, before pulling the starter-cord. "Now, have a taste of Leanbox's superior firepower!" Immediately the snow-blower went to work, ejecting a steady stream of snow from the spout, easily clearing the wall. Rom and Ram screamed as they were literally covered in snow, Blanc getting buried shortly thereafter.

"Victory is ours!" Vert announced. "Take that, Lowee!"

"W-we... w-we w-won?" Chika gasped between chattering teeth.

"Not by a long shot, bitches!" Blanc yelled as a pillar of light erupted from the snow pile... when it faded, White Heart and the two White Sisters were floating in the air above the Leanbox team. "If that's how you wanna play it... Get' em, sisters! No mercy!"

"OK!" "Right!" The two HDD Candidates used their wands to materialize a gigantic ice crystal, which bore down upon the other team...

Only for Peach to leap up again, cocking her fist back, before shattering the crystal with one punch, raining several smaller icicles harmlessly over the field. "What-?!" the sisters gasped in shock. Adrian promptly took advantage of their distraction, firing an RPG upward, which nailed the pink-haired White Sister dead-on.

"They got me...!" Rom wailed as she fell, her transformation reverting.

"Damn you!" screamed White Heart as she flew down at Adrian, swinging her axe downward to cleave him in two-

-only to be blocked by HDD Green Heart's spear. "I think not! Adrian, now might be a good time for a tactical retreat..."

"Gladly!" said the petty officer as he revved the Jeep into gear, before turning and peeling out of the battle field in a plume of snow.

"Get back here!" cried the blue-haired White Sister as she gave chase... only to get nailed from behind by a Sylhet Spear attack. Looking behind her, she saw Chika, still shivering, but with a knowing smirk on her face, before the CPU Candidate's transformation reverted as she lost consciousness.

"Looks like you're the last one standing," Green Heart taunted as she and White Heart clashed. "Perhaps you should be thinking of surrender..."

"Hell no!" cried Lowee's CPU defiantly, breaking away from Green Heart and rising high into the air. "Now, behold my ultimate snow-fighting technique!" she declared as she held out her axe and began to spin in place, faster and faster, until a vortex was formed, pulling snow from the ground which blew around her, obscuring her form...

"Wh-wh-what i-is th-that?!" exclaimed Chika.

Green Heart's eyes went wide. "Is that a..."

"SNOWNADO!" Peach screamed in horror. The three ladies attempted to make a break for it, only for the powerful blizzard winds to sweep Chika off her feet, causing her to collide with Green Heart, pulling both of them into the vortex... Peach desperately tried to grab on to the snow fortress' wall, only for it to break off... "AAAAAAADRRIIIIIIAAAAAANNN!" she screamed as she was pulled helplessly into the snownado...

The sound of his name caused Adrian to halt his Jeep and look back, eyes widening at seeing the snowy vortex... (Boy, good thing Lady Vert had me retreat when I did! Poor Peashy, though...) He turned his vehicle back around and waited for the artificial storm to blow over. (Probably should contact the base and have them get warm blankets and soup ready...)

After a minute or two, the snownado dissipated, revealing a massive snow pile with random limbs of the three Leanbox ladies sticking out. White Heart slowly floated down, a triumphant smirk on her face. "You should have surrendered when you had the chance, Vert!" Her eyes then widened as something abruptly occurred to her. (Shit! Rom and Ram! Where are they?!) The goddess began to look around frantically-

-but then a smaller mound of snow came apart, revealing Ram underneath. "Woooow... that was awesome, big sis!" she cried in delight. "Do it again!"

White Heart rolled her eyes at this. "Do you know where Rom is?" Just then, another mound of snow further away fell apart, revealing the girl in question, who promptly sneezed.

"Uh-oh... I think she's got a cold," Ram sighed.

"Dammit, I was afraid of that..." muttered the CPU as her axe dematerialized. Flying over to Ram, White Heart grabbed her and tucked under one arm, before flying over to Rom and doing the same. "C'mon, you two, let's get home, so Mina and Financier can get you some warm soup..."

"But I'm not sick!" Ram protested as the three flew off... a short time later, Vert managed to extract herself from the snow pile.

"Well, I suppose I brought that one on myself..." the CPU mused as she brushed snow out of her face. "Chika, Peach, can you hear me?"

"Mm-hmm," Chika muttered as she slowly dug herself out of the pile, soon finding a familiar pair of cushions... "A-at least I g-get t-to s-snuggle w-with y-you in th-this c-cold, Lady Vert..."

"I'm not Lady Vert," came Peashy's voice.

Chika's scream of dismay echoed over the snowy landscape, as Adrian returned to pick the three up and drive them back to the military base...

*Episode 22- End*