The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 25

by Derald Snyder

Peach paid her fare as she got off the bus, walking towards Planeptune's Basilicom, looking forward to her meeting with little Peashy. (Just hope she's not in HDD this time...) Knocking at the door, she was swiftly granted access by one of the Basilicom's priests who recognized her.

"Would you happen to know where the, um, smaller me is?" the blonde inquired politely.

"Currently being treated by Miss Compa for a... recent injury," the priest hedged.

"Wh-what? What happened?!" Peach demanded.

"It... it might be better for Miss Compa to explain it herself," the priest deferred. (That way, I won't have to suffer the brunt of your wrath...) "Right this way," he spoke aloud, turning and walking off, Peach following worriedly...

*Elsewhere inside the Basilicom...*

To Uzume's surprise, it wasn't Neptune who was the most upset at her, but rather...

"You used your megaphone on Peashy at point-blank range?!" screamed Nepgear. "Uzume, how could you?! You know she's only five! She can't handle that kind of sound, HDD or not!"

"I'm really, really sorry, Gearsy!" Uzume said as she took a step back, having reverted to her human form. "I can handle her when she's just a kid, it's when she transforms that she becomes too much to handle!"

"That's no excuse!" the CPU Candidate admonished. "You could have just distracted her with pudding if you didn't feel like playing with her in HDD! You had no right to damage her eardrums like that...!"

"OK, Nep Jr, I think you've made your point..." sighed Neptune. "That bein' said, you better hope Plutie doesn't find out about this, Uzume... 'cause I'm outtie if Sadie shows up."

"Urk!" Uzume's face went pale at hearing this. She could still remember seeing Iris Heart torturing that NPC bully in MegaTagmension Blanc + Neptune VS Zombies... "That'd be the worst thing *ever*...!"

"UZUME TENNOUBOSHIIIII!"

"...and the second worst thing would be Big Peashy finding out," Neptune sighed.

"Oh goodness!" Nepgear gasped. "I completely forgot Miss Peach was visiting today...!" There was a sound of stomping feet, then the door slammed open, revealing a VERY angry Peach C. Macintosh, shrouded in a flaming aura.

"There you are, you red-headed bitch!" the blonde growled upon seeing Uzume.

"N-now wait a minute! Lemme explain!" the Dreamcast representative babbled as she slowly backed away.

"Explain nothing! Compa told me exactly what happened!" Peach shot back. "Foiling my prank on Neptuna way back in Episode 3 is one thing, but blowing out my little sister' eardrums with a megaphone?! That crosses the line! I think a few cracks to the skull are in order, maybe then you'll understand how much pain little Peashy is in!" She began to march forward...

"Hey hey hey!" Neptune grabbed at Peach's hoodie. "L-look, if you're gonna fight, can you at least take it outside so you don't end up leveling the Basilicom or somethin'?!"

The soldier hesitated briefly. "...yeah, good idea. Let's take this outside, that way I can give ya a proper beat-down!" She promptly grabbed Uzume in a headlock and dragged her out the door, Neptune and Nepgear following at a distance...

*A few minutes later, outside...*

Uzume and Peach stood a short distance from each other, in combat-ready poses. Nepgear had managed to get IF to referee the fight, so no-one could reasonably protest the outcome.

"This will be a one-on-one fistfight!" the Guild agent declared. "No weapons, armor, or transforming! Hitting your opponent in the eyes or the groin is an automatic disqualification! ...That means you lose."

"I know that!" Peach yelled. "I'm not stupid!"

"... Anyway, this fight will continue until one or both fighters are either KO'ed or unable to stand under their own power!" IF continued. "Fighters, ready... GO!"

The two immediately lunged at each other, managing to punch each other in the face in a classic cross-counter. The two then backed off, rubbing their sore cheeks...

"Well, glad to see you don't fall in a single blow," muttered Peach.

"Likewise," Uzume groaned. "Heard you were a glass cannon without your armor..."

"Well, I don't like getting hit in the chest... but what girl does?!" Peach yelled as she lashed out with a kick, which was blocked.

"Part of the reason I wear wrappings!" the redhead retorted as she countered with a roundhouse, which was ducked under. Peach then kicked at the knee of Uzume's standing leg to bring her down, but the CPU was able to shift her momentum and roll away before the blonde could take advantage.

"Go, big sis!" little Peashy exclaimed as she watched the fight, Compa sitting next to her, Neptune and Nepgear on their left and right respectively.

"I'm kinda conflicted, here..." Neptune sighed. "I dunno who to root for..."

"Me neither, Nep-Nep," Compa shrugged.

Meanwhile, the two combatants were now grappling, pushing against each other with gritted teeth... Peach appeared to be stronger, however, as she slowly began to push Uzume back... Uzume, however, suddenly fell back, pulling Peach down with her, before thrusting her leg into the blonde's abdomen, flipping her onto the ground behind the CPU. The two then righted themselves, turning to face each other once more, Uzume suddenly letting loose with a flurry of punches, only for most of them to be blocked or deflected by the blonde soldier, only a few blows actually connecting, causing negligible damage. Peach then grabbed Uzume by the arm, flipping her hard onto her back, then throwing her high into the sky... She then crouched, before jumping up high herself. The CPU was shocked to see Peach ascend above her, before the blonde slammed her with a two-fist strike, sending the redhead back down to the ground, bouncing once, Peach using the momentum of gravity for a brutal two-footed kick...

Only for Uzume to quickly roll out of the way, then hit Peach with a swift punch to the ribs, causing her to tumble a few feet away.

"Goodness, that was close!" gasped Nepgear.

"That was a nice recovery!" Neptune exclaimed.

"Peach is stronger, but Uzume is a bit faster," IF observed. "This fight could honestly go either way..."

"Go, big me!" Peashy called. "Don't let that meanie Usu-me beat you!"

But Uzume was now pressing her advantage, kicking Peach in the breast before she could right herself, then giving her a right hook to the face, snapping her head back. The goddess then feinted a follow-up kick, and sure enough, Peach recovered and tried to grab her opponent's leg, but got nothing but air as Uzume jumped back.

"You're... better than I thought," the soldier acknowledged as she rose back to her feet.

"Well, I *am* a former Planeptune CPU, of course I'm not going down that easy!" Uzume shot back.

"Good. That'll make all the more satisfying when I DO beat you!" With that, Peach went on the attack again, ducking under Uzume's counter punch, grabbing her under the elbow and putting her foot behind Uzume's heel, resulting in the goddess being tossed to the ground. Uzume, however, countered by spinning her body around, tripping Peach and sending her to the ground as well. She then spun around again, managing to kick Peach in the face before she could recover.

The two women got back to their feet, circling each other for a few moments, before lunging at each other, briefly grappling again... but then Peach kneed Uzume in the gut, then uppercut her in the face, before finishing up with a kick that sent her skidding across the ground.

"Yay! Go, big sis, go!" Peashy cried happily, waving her arms.

"Uh-oh..." Nepgear observed, "looks like Uzume's having trouble getting back up..."

"5! 6! 7!" IF counted, but then stopped as the CPU finally managed to stand again.

"You're obviously on the ropes," Peach observed. "Against all better judgement, I'm willing to offer you the chance to surrender and spare yourself any further pain..."

"...Nah, I'll take a rain check," the goddess declined. "I ain't done yet!"

"You seriously still think you can win in that state?" Peach put her hands on her hips.

"Oh yeah," Uzume grinned. "After all..." She then spoke the five words that every boss monster dreaded. "My Drive Meter is full."

Peach's eyes went wide with terror as 'Drive Away' began playing, Uzume letting loose with a battle cry as she started pummeling the older Peashy without end, then backing off for a moment before crying "Feel the power of my dreams!" Charging all her energy into her fist, she seemed to punch through Peach, causing a massive explosion!

"Noooooooo!" Five-year-old Peashy wailed in dismay, while Neptune and Nepgear visibly winced...

Uzume panted heavily, her hands on her knees, before slowly standing straight. "How do ya like me now, fool?"

"1!" IF began counting. "2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! ...she's up!"

"What?!" The redhead yelled in disbelief, turning around, and sure enough, Peach was standing there, panting, swaying slightly on her feet. "Oh, come on! How could you get up after that beat down? That was such a cool way to end it, too!"

"Not... on your life," the blonde grunted. "But if you wanna end it, then let's end it... with one final blow!" With that, she began to stagger forward...

"One last punch? 'K, I'm game..." Uzume agreed, as she slowly moved towards Peach as well... the two ladies managed to get up to running speed, both cocking their fists back-

-and punching each other in the cheek, the earth literally shaking from the impact. The two remained frozen in that position for a few seconds...

And then Uzume fell.

Nepgear gasped.

Neptune's eyes shrunk to white circles.

And Peashy let out a cheer.

"1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!" IF counted Uzume out. "I declare a KO! Peach is the winner!" The blonde promptly collapsed to her knees, her ample chest heaving with heavy breaths.

"YAAAAY! Big sis won! Big sis won!" Peashy squealed as she literally bounced across the grass, grabbing her other self in a big hug. "You won you won you won!"

"OW! Easy, easy...!" Peach cried out in pain. "I'm still sore, Peashy...!"

"Oh, sowwy..." The smaller Peashy promptly backed off, before getting an idea. "Hey, I know! I'll go all big so I can carry you to Compa's room so she can fix you up!" She then transformed to HDD, slowly picking up Peach in her arms. "Does that hurt, big sis?" asked Yellow Heart.

"I can handle it..." Peach grunted. "Just try not to bang my head on the doors, OK?"

"OK!" Yellow nodded as she carried her sister off. Meanwhile, Neptune and Nepgear picked up Uzume's unconscious body and slowly carried her away as well, while Compa quickly ran to her room to get the medical supplies ready...

*To be concluded...*