The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 30

by Derald Snyder

*A few days later...*

"You have arrived," intoned Peach's MyPhone as she and Adrian pulled into the driveway, seeing a large, futuristic house with a wide backyard and a large pond.

"You sure this is the place?" Adrian asked as he slowly drove his Jeep up to the house.

"Yeah, this is the address he gave me," Peach said as she glanced down at her phone. "His parents must be loaded..." As the Jeep came to a stop, a young woman exited, with wild medium-length blue hair and matching eyes, dressed in a black t-shirt and shorts, with a red scarf around her neck.

"Hello!" Peach called. "Is this where A-Mac lives?"

The woman seemed to stare at Peach for a moment, before snapping back to her senses. "Uh, yeah, sure, he lives here... but who are you?"

"I'm Peashy," the blonde introduced herself as she unbuckled and stepped out of the Jeep. "I was gonna be training with A-Mac for the upcoming Leanbox Ninja Warrior competition..."

"You don't say..." the bluenette trailed off, staring at Peach... it took the blonde a moment to realize that she was staring at her bust.

"I'm guessing you're his girlfriend?" Peashy ventured, as she deliberately crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, she is," a familiar voice called from inside. Soon enough, A-Mac emerged, dressed in a white T-shirt and exercise shorts. "Hey there, Peashy! Glad to see you could make it."

"Hey, A-Mac! This here is Adrian, the boyfriend I was telling you about..." She stared at the bluenette as she stated this.

"Well, isn't HE lucky," A-Mac's girlfriend replied in disgust.

"Aw, Nicole, again?" A-Mac sighed. "How many times do I gotta tell you, I love you for your cute face and personality! I don't care about what bust size you have..."

"I know, I know..." Nicole sighed as A-Mac gently embraced her from behind.

"Honestly, if there was any way for me to shrink my breasts, within reason, I'd do it," Peach sighed. "I mean, my Mom isn't anywhere near as endowed, so I've got no idea where these came from..."

"Unless your dad's a big strong guy," A-Mac ventured.

"He wasn't much bigger than you," Peach pointed out. "But, anyway... how about you formally introduce us?"

"Right," the young man nodded. "*Ahem* This is my girlfriend, Nicole Sardini. Nicole, this is Peashy, Lady Vert's personal bodyguard."

"Otherwise known as former Staff Sergeant Peach C. Macintosh," Adrian supplemented.

"And this is Petty Officer First Class Adrian H. Johns," Peach gestured to her beloved.

"You outrank your boyfriend?" Nicole raised an eyebrow. "And he's okay with that?"

"Internal politics," Adrian explained. "Long story."

"What, you tick off a four-star or something?" A-Mac asked with a slightly sarcastic undertone.

"You're not far from the target, civilian," the soldier deadpanned. "So, how about you show us where you train for Ninja Warrior?"

"Sure thing," A-Mac agreed, turning away. "Right this way..."

*A few minutes later...*

"This is the place," A-Mac announced. It was a section of the backyard that had several obstacles set up, including a quadruple-step and a few railings on a vertical slab of wood. There were also some monkey bars and a large cargo net hanging several feet high.

"Wow, looks like you're pretty serious about this," Adrian observed.

"Yeah, well, I didn't get my dad's brains, unlike my two sisters," A-Mac stated, "so I figure I can do my dad proud by focusing on physical competitions instead. I did pretty well in track and field in high school... never actually won a race, but I got quite a few second and third place finishes..."

"You did manage to win at kickboxing," Nicole pointed out.

"You're a kickboxing champion?" Peach's eyes lit up. "Maybe we should spar sometime..."

"Eh, no," A-Mac rebuffed her. "One, I don't like having to hurt anyone, two, you look pretty ripped, so I probably wouldn't stand a chance..."

"Aww, I'd go easy on you..." Peach offered.

"No offense, Peach, but the last time you 'went easy' on somebody, he had a black eye, several bruises, and a cracked rib or two," Adrian spoke up.

"That doesn't count!" Peashy whirled on her boyfriend. "That guy was trying to feel me up, dammit!"

"Gee, big surprise there," Nicole deadpanned. "Seriously though, Peach, being such a big girl might work against you in Ninja Warrior..."

"How so?" the blonde asked.

"A lot of obstacles on the Ninja Warrior course depend on upper body strength," A-Mac explained. "And muscle is heavier than fat, so when you're trying to lift and pull your body through the air, you have to deal with all that extra weight... which can prove fatal in the later stages."

"Well, it's not like I can just shrink myself, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it," Peashy shrugged.

"Is that what that railing's for, then?" Adrian pointed to the obstacle in question. "To test your upper body strength?"

"Bingo," A-Mac nodded. "It's actually an obstacle that appears in Stage 3... Wanna give it a go?"

"Sure thing!" Peashy cracked her knuckles. "Let's do this!" Climbing onto the platform on the left, she placed her hands on the railing, making sure her grip was solid before hanging down. She then started to slowly pull herself along the railing... "OK, harder than it looks..."

"You're off to a good start," A-Mac encouraged.

"But can she pull herself up to the second railing?" his girlfriend asked.

"Guess we'll find out," Adrian muttered, watching Peach inching to the right... Soon, she made it to the end of the first railing, but when she tried to reach up for the next one, her other hand slipped, causing her to tumble to the ground below.

"Owww..." the blonde groaned as she slowly picked herself up. "Guess I didn't have as good a grip as I thought..."

"Hey, that's where I fell first time I tried this one," A-Mac shrugged.

"So, can you do the whole thing?" Adrian challenged.

"Haven't managed to yet... but I can try!" With that, the young man climbed onto the platform himself, taking a moment to brace himself before grabbing on, slowly pulling himself down the railing... He managed to grab the second railing, now going up and to the left... when he reached for the third railing above that one, however, his grip abruptly gave out... "Aaaahh-OOF!"

"Arthur!" Nicole cried as she ran up to her fallen boyfriend. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, so that's his real name..." Adrian muttered.

"I'm fine, I'm fine..." A-Mac groaned as Nicole helped him back to his feet. "Dangit... I managed to grab the third railing last time..."

"I still think you should set up some pillows or cushions or something," the bluenette insisted. "It would be an absolute injustice if you got injured only weeks before the competition..."

"Well, I'd hope they'd have cushions at the actual event," Adrian grunted.

"They have water," Peashy answered, "though cushions are used at some points, I think..."

"...So how about you, Mr. Adrian? You wanna give it a go?" A-Mac asked.

"You don't have to call me 'mister', Arthur, I'm only 34... that being said, sure, I'll give it a try," Adrian said as he climbed on the platform.

"So are you gonna enter, Nicole?" Peach asked. "You like you could do pretty well..."

"I tried it last year," Nicole shrugged. "Didn't get past the qualifier... I couldn't figure out that 'Warped Wall' for the life of me..."

"The Warped Wall? Really?" the blonde raised an eyebrow in confusion. "That's one of the simpler obstacles, in my view."

"Simple, but still tough," A-Mac said. "Gotta get a good run and jump..." He looked up at Adrian, who had just transitioned to the second railing. "Wow, not bad..." The soldier just grunted in response as he worked his way up to the third railing, managing to grab onto it without falling...

"Come on, Adrian! Go all the way!" Peach yelled encouragingly. Adrian seemed to move a little faster at hearing that, managing to grab onto the last railing, which was a bit of a decline, but then his grip finally gave out and he fell, though he managed to catch himself on his forearms.

"Darn it," the soldier grunted, "I wasn't prepared for that decline..."

"Yeah, but you got further than both of us," A-Mac observed. "Maybe you should enter, Adrian..."

"Eh, I dunno," Adrian grunted as he picked himself up. "Don't feel like humiliating myself on live television..."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Peach rolled her eyes. "The host never made fun of contestants who failed in the original Ninja Warrior... unless the person was trying to be funny."

"Well, it's the same thing here," A-Mac nodded. "The hosts weren't laughing at Nicole when she failed last year... And neither was anyone in the live audience, at least from what I could tell..."

"Well, I at least managed to not fall in the water..." Nicole sighed. "Anyway, I'm just gonna cheer for A-Mac from the sidelines this time around."

"Fine by me," Peach shrugged. "One less competitor to worry about... Well, let's try the quadruple step next!"

"That one was tough too," Nicole sighed. "Trying to jump from one to the next without falling in the water..."

"You're supposed to run across them, aren't you?" Peashy pointed out.

"Some people don't have long enough legs for that," A-Mac countered.

"Well, then, they shouldn't be trying out to begin with... but then again, that's probably the reason they usually make it the first obstacle," the blonde stated as she got into position. Mentally judging the distance between each step, she took off, managing to get across the first three, before abruptly tripping on the last step, causing her to face-plant into the mat on the other end.

"Peashy! You OK?" Adrian gasped in concern.

"Mmmph... Yeah, I'm fine," Peach sighed as she picked herself up.

"Maybe *you* shouldn't be entering," Nicole mocked her.

"Oh, shut up," Peach said as she waved a fist at her. "That was just practice!"

"That's the idea," A-Mac nodded as he took his position. "Alright, Peashy, get outta the way so I can go, huh?" This the blonde did, moving to Adrian's side as she watched the young man run across the obstacle, only to go down on a knee when he leapt off the last step. "Aw, crud, didn't stick the landing... that'd put my foot in the water..." He mimed the sound of an airhorn blowing. "Epic fail."

"Don't worry, Arthur, you'll get it," Nicole encouraged.

"Oh, sure," Peach rolled her eyes, "You mock me, but go soft on him? Glad you're not the judge for the competition, you'd be way too unfair and unjust!"

The bluenette gasped deeply at this, her pupils shrinking to near pinpricks. "Did you just... call me... unjust?!"

A-Mac's eyes went wide at this. "Uh-oh, you shouldn't've said that..."

"You DARE... to call ME... the Hero of Justice... UNJUST?!" Nicole began quaking, before throwing her head back with an inhuman roar. "THAT'S IT, YOU BLONDE BIMBO! NOW YOU DIE!" She rushed at the blonde soldier, who took a defensive stance...

*Sixty seconds later...*

"Owww... pain... so much... pain..." Nicole lay on the ground, at least two of her limbs looking rather out of joint.

"Did I mention I used to teach close-quarters-combat in the Leanbox Army?" Peach said as she dusted her hands off.

"Now THAT'S an epic fail," Adrian observed.

A-Mac could only shake his head in disbelief. "Well, Nisa, hopefully this teaches you to not have such a hair-trigger temper, huh?"

The fallen Hero of Justice could only let out a groan of pain in response...

*To be continued...*