The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 31

by Derald Snyder

*One month later...*

The camera panned across a screaming and cheering audience, stationed at the side of a steel obstacle course.

"Hello, and welcome to Leanbox Ninja Warrior!" declared a well-built man with a blonde buzz-cut and black eyes dressed in a navy blue suit and red tie. "I'm your host, Kratt Wiseman, along with Norman P. Chara!" he gestured to a black-shaowed NPC beside him.

"We're at the outskirts of Leanbox City on a beautiful, sunny day, where several athletes have come to compete for a one million credit prize! But first, they have to complete the qualifying course shown here! The top 30 athletes with the best time move on to the regional finals, and the top 15 of those will move on to take on a replica of the legendary Mt. Nepdoriyama course, divided into four stages, each harder than the last! But first, the qualifier! Take it away, Norman!"

"Right," the NPC nodded, "The first obstacle is the Quad Step, followed by the Log Grip, then a harrowing run across the Bridge of Blades. Then they have to make a short jump off a trampoline onto the Cargo Net, followed by the Double Tilting Ladder, a test of both balance and upper body strength."

"And then finally, the Warped Wall!" Kratt stated. "14 feet high and deceptively curved, the finish buzzer waiting at the top. Who has what it takes to finish the qualifying course? We're about to find out!"

*Down at the course...*

Peashy simply could not wipe the giddy grin from her face as she took in the sights. If someone had told her two months ago that she would be running in a Ninja Warrior competition, she'd have punched the guy's teeth out. But now, it was really happening... she was really here!

"You need to calm down, Peach," a mature voice cut into her reverie. "You're bouncing up and down like your five-year-old self..."

Peach's excitement promptly deflated like a balloon. Turning to the source of the voice, she whispered, "I can't believe you came along, Lady Vert! Makes me feel like I have to do my day job while I'm here!"

"Oh come now, you worry too much," Vert reassured her. "I'm going incognito, after all, I highly doubt anyone will recognize me..." The goddess had her long up in a simple ponytail, pulled through the back of a red baseball cap, along with a pair of sunglasses to hide her eyes. A green T-shrt and blue jeans(both borrowed from Peach's closet) completed the disguise. "Just tell them I'm Virginia, your distant cousin from out of town."

"Yeah, we look similar enough, don't we," Peach sighed, dressed in her white honeybee t-shirt and bell-bottom jeans. Her mood immediately improved however, when she sighted Adrian. "Adrian! Over here!"

"Hey Peashy!" the soldier responded, as he walked over with one of his fellow squad-mates. "Hey, you remember Sergei, right?"

"Gunny Sergei Sergeant Johnson? How could I forget?" Peach said with a grin.

"Oy! You got that all switched around again! You do that all the time!" The man in question spoke with a slight Russian accent, though his English was perfect. He had small gray eyes, a pointed nose and a square jaw, with only a slight fuzz of blonde hair crowning his head. "Why do you always do that?"

"To annoy you, of course," Peach taunted. "Are you here to enter too?"

"Of course I am! But boy, was I surprised to see that two of my comrades are also here! I am in for tough competition now, for sure!" He looked over at the disguised Vert. "But who is this? Your sister?"

"No, this is Virginia, my cousin from out of town," Peach introduced her.

"Hello there," Vert dropped her voice a few octaves as she awkwardly stuck out her hand, keeping her head bowed.

"You'll have to excuse her, she's a bit shy," Peach explained.

"Oy, no problem," Sergei nodded as she shook 'Virginia's' hand. "I assume you're here to cheer Peach on?"

"Of course," the disguised CPU nodded.

"Well, cheer for Adrian and me too, will you?" the gunnery sergeant winked.

"By the way, Adrian, you see A-Mac anywhere?" Peach queried.

"Not yet," her boyfriend shrugged. Looking around her though, he suddenly noticed something. "Hey, I think I just saw Nicole's scarf!"

"Huh?" Peashy turned and saw A-Mac and Nicole walking up. "Oh, hey, there you are! You made it!"

"Of course, like we were gonna miss this!" A-Mac grinned as she shook hands with Peach and Adrian. "And who's your friends?" Peach promptly introduced 'Virginia' and Sergei, the young man shaking hands with them as well, though he looked briefly confused when he looked Peach's fellow blonde over.

"Oy, I remember you!" Sergei pointed at Nicole. "You were on the course last year! Nisa, Hero of Justice, yes?"

"You remember me?!" Nisa gasped. "Wow, and I thought I was doomed to fade into obscurity after failing last season..."

"Nisa?!" Vert gasped in shock. "Well, this is a surprise..." Realizing she'd reverted to her normal voice, she coughed and lowered it again. "Didn't you use to have a good number of fans, back in the day?"

"Oh yeah, still got a following," Nicole nodded. "You should've heard them cheering for me last year..."

"Hey, A-Mac, your family's not coming?" Peach asked.

"Mom's supposed to be bringing my sisters," he explained. "I'm sure they'll be here soon enough... What about your mom?"

"Right here!" exclaimed Lisa Macintosh as she worked her way through the crowd. "Ugh, I'm not used to such loud, crowded places... Hello, Peashy."

"Hey Mom!" Peach grinned. "This is A-Mac, who I was telling you about..."

"Arthur," the man introduced himself with a handshake. Lisa hesitated for a moment before returning the shake. "Something wrong? Do I have somethin' on my face?"

"...eh? OH! No, no, that's not it..." Lisa shook her head. "You just... remind me of someone I knew a while back, that's all..."

"I doubt he's the same person, Mom," Peach deadpanned. "A-Mac's fresh out of high school, after all..."

"Of course," the older blonde nodded. "Just deja vu, that's all..."

"Oh, look," Vert pointed. "I think the first competitor's getting ready..." They all turned to watch the first challenger of the night- a male NPC who looked well toned.

"Let's see how he does, hey?" Sergei said with a small grin.

"And here we go, first competitor of the night!" exclaimed Kratt Wiseman.

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

"And there he goes, using a two-footed hop across the Quad Step! And he clears it easily! And now we're on to the Log Grip!"

"He's gotta get a good firm grip," stated Norman, "or he's gonna fall when he hits that sharp decline in the middle!" They watched as the NPC slid down the line, keeping his grip to the end.

"He's got it!" Kratt exclaimed as the competitor dismounted. "And now, the Bridge of Blades! This one's tricky..."

Unfortunately, when the NPC took a step, the bridge promptly tumbled him onto the ground. There was the sound of an airhorn as the referee held up a red flag.

FAIL

"Oh!" Kratt groaned in dismay.

"And the Bridge of Blades cuts down it's first victim!" declared Norman. "Textbook example of what NOT to do..."

"Well, that was dumb," A-Mac observed. "Ya can't walk it like a normal bridge, idiot..."

"Big brother!" two young voices cried out, A-Mac turning and seeing two familiar faces...

"Hey, you made it!" he cried out as he knelt down, his two sisters running into his arms. "Where's Mom?"

"Right behind us," the older of the two stated.

"Oh, are these your sisters?" asked the disguised Vert. "They look adorable!"

"Hey!" the older sister protested. "For your information, ma'am, I'm 14 years old! I'm not cute or adorable anymore, OK?"

"Be nice, iPad," an older voice interjected, as a woman with long dark blue hair walked up, dressed in a white blouse and blue skirt.

"I'm being nice!" iPad whined. "But I'm not a kid anymore!"

"Technically, you are," her younger sister deadpanned. "Humans don't reach full maturity until around 20 years of age, after all..."

"You looked that up, didn't you, iPhone?" iPad snorted, crossing her arms. "But that means Big Brother's still a kid too!"

"In one more year, I won't be," A-Mac pointed out.

"Well, now that everyone's here, how about you introduce us?" Adrian suggested.

"Well, you should know iPad and iPhone," Arthur stated, gesturing to the two girls, who had blue hair like their mother, but shared a few facial features with their brother. iPhone looked about 10, with large eyeglasses and seemingly covered in tech from head to waist. iPad, on the other hand, had smaller glasses and only a single large mobile device on her hip. "And this is my Mom," he gestured to the older woman.

"Laura," she introduced herself, shaking hands with everyone as they introduced themselves. She briefly hesitated, however, upon seeing Peach's mother...

"Lisa Macintosh," the elder blonde stated as she grabbed Laura's hand.

"Yes... nice to meet you," Laura slowly nodded, before wincing at the sound of an airhorn.

"Sounds like someone else failed," Peach observed.

"Oy, indeed!" Sergei confirmed, "He did not get a good enough jump off the trampoline onto the Cargo Net! What an idiot!"

"Well, that one shouldn't be any trouble for you, right Peach?" Adrian ribbed, Peashy just rolling her eyes in response.

"Number 16!" the referee called.

"Oh crap, that's me!" Peach cried. "I'd better get up there!"

"Good luck, Peach!" Vert called after her as she ran to the starting platform.

"Show them how it's done!" Sergei encouraged.

"I will!" the blonde shouted back.

*To be continued...*