The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 32

by Derald Snyder

"And next up," declared Kratt Wiseman, "we have Peach Macintosh, who's been a fan of Ninja Warrior since she was a kid!"

COMPETITOR PROFILE

"My name's Peach, though some call me Peashy. I was born in Planeptune, I used to watch the original Ninja Warrior all the time... Although it was mostly laughing at people who fell in the water... but I also liked seeing the occasional success."

"After Mom and I moved to Leanbox, I'd run around and jump over dumpsters and trashcans and stuff... PE was the only class I ever got straight A's in, go figure! Anyway, a few years after I graduated, I met my boyfriend Adrian, who helped me enlist in the Leanbox Army... Never could use a firearm, so I taught other soldiers in close-quarters-combat instead... And now, I'm working as Lady Vert's bodyguard! Don't ask about that one, long story..."

"I only heard about the Leanbox Ninja Warrior competition a month ago, and I'm all like, where do I sign up where do I sign up?!" *laughs* "But yeah, this is like a childhood dream come true!"

"I don't know if I'll win, but at I hope at least I give a good performance, so I don't totally embarrass myself and Lady Vert- fingers crossed!" *giggles*

*Back to the course*

"Wow, Lady Vert's bodyguard!" exclaimed Norman, "She must've been really good to get her attention..."

"Well, Lady Vert's not gonna give her any divine intervention here!" stated Kratt. "She's gotta do this on her own, with her boyfriend Adrian and her mother Lisa watching!"

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

Peach quickly leapt from one step to the next, using a two-footed hop like the first competitor had.

"Wow, no problem on the Quad Step, let's see how she does on the Log Grip!"

"She's pretty ripped, so she's definitely got the strength to hang on," observed Norman, watching as Peashy rode the log down the wire, easily weathering the sudden drop, before dismounting at the other end.

"And now, the Bridge of Blades!" declared Kratt, Peach hesitating as she sized up the obstacle, before getting a running start... she managed to get across with sheer momentum, though the blonde ended up face-planting on the other side.

"Ouch!" Kratt winced.

"Think she lost some HP there," Norman winced. "But she's up, reassuring everyone she's OK."

"Well, let's hope she handles the Cargo Net better," the other host muttered, watching as Peashy knelt down beside the trampoline... before simply jumping all the way up to the top of the net herself! "Whoa! Did you see that?! She didn't even use the trampoline!"

"This girl's not human!" Norman gasped in awe as Peach tumbled down the other side of the net. "I'm starting to see why Lady Vert chose her as her bodyguard!"

"Well, she'll have no trouble getting onto the Tilting Ladder!" said Wiseman. "The question is, can she stay on?"

"Yeah, she's pretty big," Norman stated, "And having a lot of weight can work against her on an obstacle like this..." Sure enough, Peashy easily jumped and got a grip on the ladder, before slowly swinging from one rung to the next...

"No problem so far," said Kratt, "she's handling the tilt pretty well, but now she has to make the transition to the second ladder..." Peach got into a good swing before reaching out and grasping the rung on the second Tilting Ladder. "She's got it!" There were a few cheers from the crowd. "This obstacle has taken out every competitor who's gotten to this point... she could be our first finisher today!"

"Going for the dismount..." Norman muttered as they looked on, Peach swinging a little on the last rung before letting go, most of her body hitting the mat, though her right leg dipped down!

(Crap! Did my foot touch the water?!) Peach freaked inwardly as she looked to her left, over at the referee-

-who gave her a thumbs-up. The crowd burst into cheers at this.

"Whoa, that was close!" gasped Norman.

"But she made it, first to finish that obstacle tonight!" Wiseman proclaimed excitedly. "And now, onto the Warped Wall!" The crowd watched as Peashy ran up the wall-

"Oh, she missed!" Kratt cried in dismay, as the blonde slid back down to the bottom. Peach growled as she gritted her teeth, walking back to the start of the runway... "OK, she's reset... here she goes again!" Peashy grabbed the edge, but her grip failed and she slid down the wall again! "Oh no!"

"There's what I was telling you, about her weight working against her!" Norman sighed as he shook his head.

"This is her last chance," Wiseman said in dismay as Peach walked back to the start again. "If she doesn't make it this time, she's disqualified!"

Peach swept the hair from the face, as she took her position, looking forward, then up at the top of the Warped Wall, then down again, mentally judging the distance she had to jump... she tensed, and took off!

"Here it is! Can she make it...?! She's got a grip! Come on, Peach!" Kratt encouraged. "She's got a leg up... YES! She's done it! Hit that buzzer!" This the blonde did, a low horn sounding as twin plumes of steam shot into the air!

FINISH!

"YEAAAAHHH!" Peashy cheered as she thrust both fists into the air in triumph, the crowd cheering along with her.

"Our first finisher of the day! What determination!" Wiseman exclaimed. "Our other co-host, Sharon, is with the bodyguard right now!"

"Congratulations!" said Sharon, a female NPC with long hair. "How do you feel right now?"

"Relieved!" Peach sighed as she wiped her brow. "That Warped Wall is so much bigger than it looks on TV! I'm never gonna take that thing lightly ever again!"

"But you did it! You're our first finisher today!" Sharon pointed out. "That's gotta be a great feeling!"

"Oh yeah, sure is!" the blonde nodded.

"Well, you go get some rest," stated the NPC, "you've earned it!" Peach nodded and walked off, Adrian putting his hand over her shoulder as they went back to the audience.

"Nice work!" Sergei nodded, "You showed that Warped Wall who's boss, hey?"

"You're not hurt, are you Peashy?" Lisa asked.

"I'm fine, Mom," Peach waved her off. "That face-plant hurt, sure, but I don't think anything's broken..."

"Well that's good to hear," A-Mac nodded. "Hey... what's that music that just started playing?"

"Isn't that... 'Kirihirake Gracie Star'?" Nicole gasped in recognition, turning to look at the starting platform, the group following suit...

"No way!" Kratt gasped from the hosts' podium. "Is that who I think it is?!"

"It is!" cried Norman, "It's Leanbox's diva herself, the one, the only, 5pb.!" The crowd completely lost it at seeing the idol standing at the start of the course. 5pb. waved at them with a big smile on her face, before handing her electric guitar off to her bodyguard Cave, then removing her headset.

"Looks like she wants to give this qualifying course a try!" exclaimed Wiseman. "Good luck, 5pb.!"

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

The blue-haired singer jumped onto the first diagonal platform of the Quad Step, clinging on for a moment, before leaping to the next. Though it was slow going, she managed to make it to the end of the obstacle without touching the water.

"And she's through!" stated Kratt. "Now on to the Log Grip..." 5pb. wrapped her arms and legs around the log as best she could, before shifting her weight to start it down the track. But when she hit the sudden drop in the middle...

"KYYYAAAAA-" *SPLASH!*

FAIL

"No, she couldn't hold on!" Kratt shook his head in disappointment, as he watched the diva get pulled out of the water by Cave.

"That Log Grip can be tricky for women," Norman observed, "You gotta really know how to grab it if you wanna survive..."

A few more contestants attempted the course, with only one finishing, and then it was Sergei's turn.

"And next up, Gunnery Sergeant Sergei Johnson!" Kratt announced. "While most people beyond the fourth wall dismiss the four nations' standing armies as cannon fodder, this guy is one of the few who takes his service seriously!"

COMPETITOR PROFILE

"My name is Sergei Johnson, I was named after my father, who came here from northern Lowee and married my mother. I kind of learned my accent from him growing up, and it got me teased by some kids at school, saying I wasn't really from Leanbox... so I thought to myself, 'Oh yeah? Well when I grow up, I'm joining the army!' I mean, you can't be more loyal to your country than that, right?"

"When I first got in the army, everyone seemed pretty laid back... but then a young man named Adrian joined my unit, and he really lit a fire under all of us! I compete with him all the time on obstacle courses, sometimes I win, sometimes he wins... But we make each other better soldiers, I think."

"I watched Leanbox Ninja Warrior on TV last year, and I see all these people falling in the water and off the obstacles, and I'm like, 'Pfeh! Even I could do better than that!' So I trained even harder on the army obstacle courses, and now I'm here to show these scrubs how it's done, and become the first Leanbox Ninja Warrior! Yeah!" *pumps fist*

*Back to the course*

"Come on, Sergei! If Peach can do it, so can you!" Adrian encouraged.

"And there's Sergeant Johnson's squad-mate, Adrian!" Kratt stated. "He'll be running the course himself later on..."

"So Sergei, Peach and Adrian are all from the same unit?" Norman queried.

"Yeah, they are, I think they're all competing with each other! So let's see how Johnson does compared to Peach..."

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

The solider easily ran across the Quad Step, running up the short ramp to the Log Grip, grabbing hold and riding it down easily. Taking a moment to steady himself, he then ran across the Bridge of Blades, going into a combat roll at the end so as not to face-plant like Peashy did. That done, Sergei walked up to the trampoline, bouncing on it a few times...

"Testing the trampoline before he jumps, smart move," Norman the NPC nodded. "He's seen too many people fall on this one because they didn't get a good enough jump..." Sergei then stepped back on solid ground, getting a small running start before jumping off the trampoline, and successfully grabbing the net!

"He's got it!" exclaimed Kratt, as the soldier slowly worked himself down the net, carefully keeping his feet above the water until he slid onto the platform below. "And now, the Double Tilting Ladder!"

"He saw Peach clear this obstacle, he shouldn't have any trouble here," observed Norman. Sure enough, Sergei managed to climb across both ladders without much trouble, landing with both feet on the other side.

"Perfect dismount!" Kratt pumped his fist. "And now the Warped Wall!" The two hosts watched as Sergei sized up the obstacle, before getting a running start running up and jumping, grabbing ahold of the top and hauling himself up! "And he's done it!" Kratt exclaimed as Sergei hit the buzzer, before turning and saluting to the audience.

FINISH!

"Way to go, Sergei!" Adrian cheered in applause.

"He said he was gonna show 'em how it's done, and he's definitely accomplished that today! Sharon is with our loyal army soldier right now!" stated Wiseman.

"Nice work, Sarge!" said the female NPC as Sergei climbed down to the ground. "Looks like you didn't have any trouble with that course!"

"Eh, well, that tilting ladder was the only part I was worried about," Sergei admitted. "But seeing how Peach did it earlier helped me figure it out!"

"Well, that's great! Good luck in the finals!" Sharon said, before letting the soldier rejoin his friends. "Back to you, Kratt and Norman!"

"Hey, what's with you making me look bad, huh?!" Peach growled as she put Sergei in a playful headlock. "Just be thankful I'm a good mood!"

"Oy, oy, easy! Don't hurt me before I run the finals!" Sergei protested, the blonde promptly releasing her grip.

"I think she was just messing with you, Sergeant," 'Virginia'/Vert ventured.

"Well, duh! Of course I was!" Peashy rolled her eyes.

"So who's next, Arthur or Adrian?" Lisa asked.

"I think I'm gonna be up before Adrian is," A-Mac replied. "But I think it's gonna be a while before my name's called..."

"Well then," suggested Nicole, "let's just relax and watch the other competitors for now, huh?"

"How long does this go on, anyway?" Lisa asked.

"Well, after all the competitors have run, the top 30 finishers participate in the finals course right away," Nicole explained. "You can see that there's more obstacles beyond the Warped Wall..."

"Oh Goddess, I don't think I can last that long," the older blonde moaned as she rubbed her temples.

"Well, maybe Mom can drive you back home to your house if you want," A-Mac offered.

"Or i could take you back to my house, if you wish," 'Virginia' whispered into Lisa's ear.

"Excuse me, do I know you...?" Lisa trailed off as Vert lowered her sunglasses just long enough to be recognized, before putting a finger to her lips. Lisa promptly nodded in silent acknowledgement.

"I thought she was your cousin from out of town?" Sergei grunted in confusion.

"Y-yes, of course she is! I just didn't recognize her at first, she doesn't usually dress like this," Lisa babbled to cover herself.

"Well, her usual wear wouldn't exactly work here," Peashy muttered, crossing her arms.

*Some time later...*

The sun had started to set when A-Mac's number was finally called.

"Go get 'em, Big Brother!" cried iPhone.

"Keep your head and keep your balance!" iPad advised.

"We're rooting for you, Arthur!" added Laura.

"And next up," declared Kratt, "is Arthur Macintosh DeRommer, another newcomer to this course!"

"DEROMMER?!" cried Peach, Adrian, and Lisa.

"DeRommer? Wait, wasn't that your father's name?" Vert asked Peach.

"I knew it!" said Laura to Peach's mother. "You're that Lisa, Steve's first wife!"

The older blonde's eyes went wide with shock. "... son of a bitch. That's why he looked so familiar... he's the spitting image of Steve when he was younger!"

"W-wait a m-minute... a-are you saying..." Peashy babbled in shock. "A-Mac is... my half-brother?!"

*To be continued...*