The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 34

by Derald Snyder

The sun had set, but the crowd's excitement had not diminished one bit, as the top 30 finishers prepared themselves for the regional finals of Leanbox Ninja Warrior...

"In order to guarantee a spot in the national finals," Kratt Wiseman began, "our 30 competitors have to run the first six obstacles again, followed by four even more challenging obstacles which test your upper body strength!"

"First up," said Norman P. Chara, "is the Double Salmon Ladder, followed by Cannonball Alley," the camera showing three red balls suspended in midair, each successive ball smaller than the last. "After that is the Rope Clinger, ending with the Spider Climb, where the contestant use their hands and feet to work their way up 30 feet to the buzzer at the end."

"And if nobody gets to the end, we'll pick the 15 finalists based on who goes the farthest the fastest," Kratt explained. "The top 15 will head on to the National Finals, where they along with 75 other finalists from five other locations, along with 10 wildcards, will take on a replica of the infamous Mt. Nepdoriyama course, for a prize payout of one million credits!"

Peashy walked up to the starting platform, doing a few stretches to loosen up. "And here's our first finals challenger, Peach macintosh, former combat instructor in the Leanbox Army, and currently working as Lady Vert's personal bodyguard!"

"She had a few stumbles her first time through this course," Norman pointed out. "Let's see if she's learned from her mistakes!"

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

And Peach was off, easily getting through the Quad Step and Log Grip as before... this time, when she ran across the Bridge of Blades, she managed to avoid face-planting, only going down to a knee instead.

"Yeah, you got this, Peashy!" Adrian encouraged from the sidelines.

"C'mon, Big Sis!" iPad yelled.

(Yeah, that's going to take some getting used to,) the blonde mused as she walked up to the Cargo Net... once again, she didn't bother with the trampoline, simply jumping to the top of the net herself, rolling over the top and down the other side. The Double Tilting Ladder proved no trouble, Peach managing to hit the mat with both feet this time.

"And now, the Warped Wall!" said Kratt. "She had a lot of trouble with this one last time..." But this time, Peashy managed to clear it on the first go, though she was a bit slow pulling herself up. "She's got it!"

"She's doing a good job so far," observed Norman, "but now she has to face four new obstacles, starting with the Double Salmon Ladder!" Peach slowly walked up to the obstacle, looking it over...

(So I gotta use my arms to get that bar up those rungs?) she mused. (Seems simple enough...) Getting a good grip, she hung down, before pulling her arms up to a 90-degree angle, then thrusting upward, managing to get the bar on the next set of rungs... then the next, then the next... Soon, she was at the halfway point, where she need to transfer to the other side... taking deep breaths, Peashy got herself into a good swing, before thrusting her arms forward-

-only for the bar to miss the bottom rungs on the other side, causing her to plunge into the water!

FAIL

"Oh!" Kratt looked away in distress. "She couldn't make the transition! Oh, she is NOT happy with herself right now," he observed as he watched the blonde punch the water in frustration.

"Keep in mind though, not many women even make it that far, especially on their first time," Norman observed. "I'd say she's got a good chance of being a wildcard if she doesn't qualify tonight..."

"Dammit, I thought I had it!" Peach groaned as she dried her hair with a towel.

"Watch your language, Peashy, there's children present," Adrian cautioned.

"Oh, please!" iPad rolled her eyes, "we're not delicate snowflakes here! I should know, I tumbled down some hard stairs once, and barely got a bruise!"

"You still wailed like a baby, though," iPhone countered with a smirk.

"I did not!" iPad protested as she whirled on her sister.

"You did too!" "Did not!" "Did too!" "Did not!" "Did too!"

"CHILDREN! That is enough!" Laura chastised them. "I swear, you two give me a headache sometimes...!"

"Must run in the family," Peach quipped. "I know I've had Mom rubbing her temples more than once..."

"I'm sure we all give our parents headaches at some point," Sergei pointed out. "I think if we didn't do that, then something is not right..."

"I think I gave my mom ulcers instead," Adrian shrugged. "Anyway, Sergei, isn't it your turn soon?"

"Oy, yes! Thanks for reminding me, comrade!" the soldier nodded as he turned and jogged off.

"And next up, Gunnery Sergeant Sergei Johnson!" Kratt announced. "He had no trouble with the qualifier, but let's see how he does on the new obstacles!"

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

Indeed, just like before, Sergei made it through the first six obstacles without issue, reaching the top of the Warped Wall even faster than before.

"Man, he is flying through this course!" Kratt observed.

"Are we sure he's in the Army, and not the Air Force?" Norman quipped.

"Well, now's time for him to earn his wings, as he takes on the Double Salmon Ladder!" the other host said, watching as Sergei got a grip, before slowly working his way up the rungs...

"Let's see if can make the transition," said Norman. "This is where Peach failed, he doesn't want to make the same mistake here..." Thankfully, the soldier managed to transition to the other ladder, then work himself up the rest of the way.

"Looking good!" said Kratt, "And now on to Cannonball Alley!" Sergei grabbed the first and largest ball, swinging a bit before transitioning to the second... Swinging a bit harder, he tried to jump off the ball directly to the mat... but though his feet hit the mat, he was way off-balance, ending up in the water!

FAIL

"Aw, what'd you do that for?!" A-Mac groaned. "You didn't have nearly enough momentum to pull that off!"

"I have to second Arthur here," Adrian agreed.

"Agh, sorry! I thought that last ball was too small for my big hands!" Sergei grunted as he climbed out of the water. "Let's see you two do any better, hey?"

"You're on!" A-Mac nodded.

"Boys will be boys..." Laura sighed.

"At least they're not the perverted kind," Peach shrugged.

"Look but don't touch, that's what my father always told me," Sergei said.

"My Dad just showed me what happened to anime characters that tried that stuff," A-Mac said with a chuckle. "Really didn't feel like getting blown up with fireballs or zapped by lightning, so I kept my hands to myself..."

"Is that why you got together with Nicole?" iPad taunted. "Because she's got nothing TO grab?"

"iPAD!" Laura lightly smacked her on the head. "You apologize to Nisa this instant!"

"Oww!" the teenager rubbed her head. "OK, OK, I'm sorry!"

"...Apology accepted," Nisa nodded curtly, "but ONLY because you're Arthur's sister."

"Good, all settled," Peach cut in, stepping between the two. "Now let's just watch the other competitors, see if any of them figure out Cannonball Alley, OK?"

"Sounds good to me," Adrian nodded.

*A while later...*

"My turn!" declared A-Mac. "Wish me luck!"

"Go for it, Big Brother!" encouraged iPad and iPhone.

"And now, Arthur Macintosh DeRommer!" Kratt Wiseman announced. "He's been training with his girlfriend Nisa, who ran the qualifier last year, but came up short on the Warped Wall. Nisa is cheering Arthur on from the sidelines, along with his mother and sisters!"

(All three of 'em,) Peashy quipped internally.

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

And so, A-Mac began his finals run... While he almost tripped on the Bridge of Blades, he managed to complete the rest of the qualifying obstacles without incident... Grabbing onto the bar of the Double Salmon Ladder, he copied Sergei's grip, managing to make the transition at the halfway point and climb to the top without incident.

"Now onto Cannonball Alley!" stated Kratt. "This obstacle has taken all but two contenders... will he be the third to finish it?" He and Norman watched as A-Mac grabbed onto the first ball, swing ing a bit before making to the second... then he tried to swing to the third ball, but his grip failed and he plunged into the drink.

FAIL

"Geez!" Peashy sighed, "Cannonball Alley is bowling everyone over!"

"Don't worry, I have a plan," Adrian asserted.

"Think you can bowl a strike on that obstacle?" iPhone joked.

"As long as I don't go in the gutter," Adrian shot back with a wink, eliciting a giggle from iPad.

"Well, good luck," Laura nodded.

"And now, our last challenger of the night, Petty Officer First Class Adrian Johns!" Wiseman announced. "He posted the fastest time on the qualifier, will he be able to go all the way in the finals course?"

*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*

Like before, Adrian had little trouble completing the first six obstacles, though he went a little slower than Sergei, trying to pace himself... the soldier continued his slow but steady pace as he worked his way up the Double Salmon Ladder...

"If he can grab that first ball, he's guaranteed himself a spot in the National Finals!" Norman observed. Sure enough, Adrian grabbed onto the first ball without trouble!

"Come on, Adrian, you can do it!" Peach shouted to her boyfriend. Adrian managed to swing to the second ball, taking a moment to steel himself...

"Wait, what's he doing?" Norman asked, nonplussed.

"Is he using his legs to grab the last ball?!" Kratt gasped incredulously. "Talk about thinking outside the box! He's hanging upside down now!"

Adrian felt the blood rushing to his head, as he swung back and forth, disengaging his legs as he flipped upright- and landed safely on the mat!

"He's done it!" Kratt yelled in excitement, prompting mad cheers from the audience.

"You got this, comrade!" said Sergei. "The rest should be child's play!" Adrian acknowledged him with a wave, taking a short rest before tackling the next obstacle...

"And now, the Rope Clinger!" said Norman. "His Army training should serve him well here..." he and Kratt watched as the soldier grabbed the first rope, swinging to the second, making sure to grip with his legs as well as his hands... he then swung to the third, then the fourth, before jumping off and landing on his knees on the other side! The cheering grew even louder- nobody had made it this far tonight!

"One last obstacle stands between our Army soldier and the buzzer- the 30-foot Spider Climb!" said Wiseman. "Does he have enough gas in the tank for this final climb to victory?!" Adrian stepped into the glass tunnel, taking a breath as he looked up to the top, gauging the distance he had to climb... he placed his hands on both sides, before thrusting up ward, locking his legs between the walls. "And here he goes! Climbing up steady, trying not to be too hasty!"

"One slip and he falls!" added Norman as Adrian continued his climb, the crowds cheering for him, Peach and Sergei nearly holding their breath... With the last of his strength, Adrian pulled himself successfully through the hole at the top, hitting the buzzer!

FINISH!

"He did it! He did it!" Kratt thrust a fist into the air in celebration. "Adrian Johns, our only finisher on the finals course! He has completed the mission where both of his fellow soldiers failed!"

"ADRIAAAAAAAAAN!" Peashy and Sergei shouted up to their comrade, A-Mac joining in belatedly.

"LAAAAAAAAAAME!" Adrian shouted back down, before standing straight and saluting the crowds, who started chanting his name...

*A short time later...*

"And you were worried about humiliating yourself!" Peach taunted her boyfriend. "You ended up making fools out of everyone else instead!"

"Too bad you didn't make it, Peashy," A-Mac lamented. In the end, Adrian, A-Mac, and Sergei had qualified, Peach herself just barely missing the cut.

"She could still get in as a wildcard," iPhone pointed out. "And given that she's Lady Vert's bodyguard, I'd say she has a good chance..."

"Well, you did a heck of a lot better than I did last year," Nicole said as she patted Peach on the shoulder. "I'd say you outperformed at least half of the first-years who try this competition..."

"Thanks, Nisa," Peach nodded, before yawning. "Well, I think that's enough excitement for one night... think you could drive me home, Adrian?"

"Of course, Peashy," her boyfriend nodded.

"Well then, we'll see you tomorrow," said Laura. "Perhaps we can meet at the Basilicom, so Lady Vert can step in if your mother makes a scene..."

"Probably a good idea," the blonde nodded. ('Cause knowing Mom, she's gonna consider not only you, but A-Mac and his sisters guilty by association...)

With that, the group broke up and departed, waving goodbye to each other...

*To be continued...*