Rei Ryghts: Ace Attorney
The Dead Thief's Turnabout
By Derald Snyder
Trial- Day 1
Court Record:
-Autopsy Report
-Woman's Footprints
-Peach's Trinket
August 17, 9:57 AM
In The Air Above Leanbox City
"This is all your fault, Lady Vert!" Rei Ryghts screamed over the wind as she was carried through the sky by Green Heart. "I told you to set your alarm! Now we're going to be late for the trial!"
"I'm sorry!" Green Heart yelled back. "I got busy with one of my MMOs and overslept! Why didn't you wake up early?!"
"Two words: jet lag!" Rei retorted. "And you wonder why I don't have much faith in you goddesses!" She tried desperately not to look down, as she was certain her breakfast would do gymnastics in her stomach if she did...
"Don't worry, we're almost there!" said Green Heart as they closed in on the Leanbox Army base where Adrian's trial was to take place...
August 17, 10:06 AM
Leanbox Army Base
Courtroom No. 1
The courtroom doors gently opened, Rei walking into the courtroom, a slightly exhausted Vert trailing behind. The trial was indeed already under way, the defense attorney and prosecutor at their respective benches. General Lawson was in the judge's seat, apparently listening to an argument from the defense. He then banged his gavel.
"I see," he nodded. "So the defense is conceding the prosecution's argument is ironclad?"
(Wait, what?!) thought Rei.
"Yes, General," said the defense laywer, a thin man with a military buzzcut. "I can't really see any other possibility in this case..."
(The trial should have only just started!) Rei blinked incredulously. (He's giving up already?!)
"Heh heh heh," chuckled the prosecutor, a shorter man who was nonetheless well-built, with slightly tanned skin and a few scars dotting his face and exposed forearms, suggesting many years of combat experience. He had black eyes, and matching hair, though there were streaks of gray hair around his ears. "That's what I like about you, Lieutenant Ward. You know better than to pick a fight you know you can't win."
(That must be Colonel Cutter,) Rei observed. (Don't tell me the other guy's giving up just because of his reputation?!)
"But I didn't kill that guy!" Adrian protested from the defendant's chair.
"Silence, petty officer!" ordered Lawson. "You were not given permission to speak! Another outburst and I'll hold you in contempt of court!"
"Nnngghh..." Adrian groaned as he bowed his head.
"Of course, unlike the good lieutenant, some people just don't know when to quit," Colonel Cutter shook his head. "That kind of behavior gets you killed on the battlefield, boy..."
Seeing the distraught expression on Adrian's face caused Rei's heart to twist. (I... I can't watch this any longer!)
"Well then, if we're all in agreement, I shall pronounce my verdict now," stated the General. "This court finds the accused, Petty Officer Adrian Harold Johns..."
"OBJECTION!"
"Huh?" gasped Lt. Ward.
"W-what?!" cried Colonel Cutter.
"Ah!" Adrian's eyes lit up in recognition, as did the general's.
"Ms. Ryghts!" Lawson said in mild shock. "Where have you been?"
"Ryghts?" said Ward. "As in, Rei Ryghts?!"
"Wha-?! Rei Ryghts the psycho goddess?!" Cutter cried in surprise. The gallery immediately started chattering, a few soldiers standing, looking ready to draw their weapons...
"Order! Order! Stand down, soldiers!" yelled General Lawson as he banged his gavel several times. "This is no psycho goddess standing before us! Rei Ryghts has seen the error of her ways and now works as a lawyer! Calm down!" The gallery indeed calmed down somewhat, though there was still some muted conversation.
"A-a lawyer?!" Ward gasped.
"E-even so, she's got no right to interject herself in this here court-martial!" Cutter objected.
"I don't care if I'm breaking the rules!" Rei said defiantly as she walked to the defense's bench. "I just can't allow this miscarriage of justice to go on any longer!" She then turned to the lieutenant. "And you! You're supposed to be a DEFENSE attorney, aren't you? What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"B-but I can't see how anyone else could have d-done it!" Ward protested.
That only served to make Rei angrier. "Not even when there are clear contradictions in the evidence?! You're a disgrace to your profession, Lieutenant! If I was a military commander, I'd have you dismissed for incompetence!"
The thin man took a step back in fear. "B-but..."
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU MISERABLE WORM!" Rei screamed with such ferocity, it was a wonder she didn't transform then and there.
"Ee... EEYAAAAAHHHH!" Ward screamed as he scrambled away from the furious bluenette, turning and running out of the courtroom as fast as his skinny legs could carry him.
"Lt. Ward!" the judge/general cried out.
Colonel Cutter could only shake his head and clap his hands. "Now *there's* a dressing down if I ever heard one..."
"General," Adrian spoke up, "I hereby dismiss Lieutenant Ward as my counsel due to cowardice. I request that Ms. Ryghts be allowed to take over my defense forthwith."
"B-but, Ms. Ryghts is a civilian lawyer..." General Lawson pointed out.
"Heh heh heh..." chuckled Cutter. "General, the prosecution has no objection."
"Colonel Cutter?" the general blinked in surprise.
"Admittedly, if we were facin' each other on an actual battlefield, I'd have reservations," the colonel began, "but matching wits with the psycho goddess here in the courtroom is another matter entirely." He looked Rei in the eye. "It'd be quite the feather in my cap to add Rei Ryghts to my list of legal conquests."
The lawyer in question put her hands on her hips, frowning. "I'd advise you not to underestimate me, Colonel. After all, I've scored several acquittals in Lowee's court system, as I'm sure the good general here knows."
"And if it helps everyone breathe easier, I shall stay by Rei's side for this trial," stated Vert as she walked to Rei's side, having finally recovered from her earlier exhaustion.
Lawson shook his head in disbelief. "This is completely unprecedented... but considering the circumstances, I suppose I can bend the rules just this once. The accused's request is hereby granted."
"Thank you, sir," Adrian sighed in relief.
"I thank you as well, Your Hon... er, General, sir," Rei added. (By some miracle, I got my foot in the door...)
"Now then, Ms. Ryghts. What was this 'clear contradiction' you were referring to earlier?" The general inquired.
"Well, first of all..." the lawyer began, "do you have the bullet that ended Mr. Klept O. Maniac's life?"
"Right here," said Cutter, holding up an evidence bag with said bullet inside. "Forensics determined it's a .338-caliber round, though neither we or the local leos could find the shell casing..."
*.338-Caliber Bullet added to the Court Record.*
"And how about the weapon that Petty Officer Johns had on him at the time of his surrender to authorities?" Rei continued.
"Got that, too," the colonel answered, holding up the assault rifle in question, which was wrapped in plastic. "And the only fingerprints on this gun are the petty officer's..."
*Assault Rifle added to the Court Record.*
"I already know what's coming next," Vert whispered in anticipation.
Rei rolled her eyes at the CPU briefly, before turning her attention to Adrian. "Tell me, Petty Officer, exactly what caliber is your assault rifle?"
"It's a .30-caliber rifle, ma'am," Adrian replied, a smirk on his face.
"W-wait, what? It's a .30-caliber?!" Cutter said in surprise.
"That's right," the former goddess nodded. "Tell me, General Lawson, what would happen if you tried to fire a .338 caliber round from a .30-caliber rifle?"
"Well, at best, the gun would jam," answered Lawson. "At worst, you'd completely wreck your firearm!"
"Which means," Rei exclaimed triumphantly, "that the assault rifle the defendant had on his person at the time of the murder... could *not* have been the gun that ended Klept O. Maniac's life!"
"Gahhhh!" cried Colonel Cutter, recoiling as if he'd been shot, putting a hand to his shoulder. "I-I've been winged... by a civilian of all people!" The gallery started chattering at this...
"Order! Order!" yelled the general, banging his gavel. "Well, this is quite a conundrum. If the petty officer's rifle didn't fire that bullet, then what did?"
"Isn't it obvious, Your Hon- *ahem* general?" Rei shook her head. "The bullet must have come from a different gun... one used by someone else entirely!"
"OBJECTION!" cried Colonel Cutter, banging the bench with his fist. "You're jumpin' the gun, civilian! Just 'cause the bullet doesn't match, doesn't mean you can lay the blame on some mysterious other person just like that!"
"But I have proof," Rei countered.
"You do?" General Lawson's eyes went wide.
The lawyer nodded. "Lady Vert and I canvassed the crime scene yesterday, and found something quite interesting at the other end of the alley! TAKE THAT!" She called up the photo of the footprints on her mobile device, before handing it to the bailiff, who handed to the general.
"Are these... footprints?" asked Lawson.
"That's right, General," Rei nodded. "We found these at the other end of the alley where the thief met his end... specifically, the right end."
"The right end?" Lawson muttered in confusion. "Are you telling me the alleyway splits in two directions?"
"Ah, c'mon, General, don't tell me you forgot the crime scene diagram I showed you earlier..." Cutter groaned in dismay, holding up said diagram in his hand. "You can see right here, the alley ends when it insects with another alley which goes west and east... or left and right, if ya wanna keep it simple."
"O-oh, right... now I remember," The judge/general nodded. "I must have been too focused on where the body was found..."
*Crime Scene Diagram added to the Court Record.*
"We've determined that the footprints must belong to a woman," said Vert. "Also, we've made the reasonable assumption that said woman isn't what you'd call a delicate flower, especially if she's the one who beat and shot Rickard Hauser."
"But there are plenty of women like that in this entire game series, as you know full well, Lady Vert," Lawson countered. "How would we be able to even narrow down the list?"
(Hey, wait a minute, I thought only major characters could break the fourth wall like that!) Rei groaned inwardly.
"Heh heh heh..." chuckled Cutter. "Well, seems that one guy who wanted to testify wasn't whistlin' dixie after all."
"Testify?" said Rei. "You mean, you have a witness?"
"I do *now*, thanks to your evidence," the colonel/prosecutor asserted. "I didn't feel like callin' 'im at first, 'cause I figured his story was hogwash... after all, Petty Officer Johns' partner would go to any length to help him out, you know..."
"P...partner?" gasped Rei.
"Staff Sergeant DeRommer, front n' center!" yelled Cutter, banging his fist for emphasis.
(Sergeant DeRommer... is a witness?!) the lawyer thought in disbelief, as the man in question came up to the witness stand, carrying what appeared to be a keyboard, which he gently set down on the stand.
"State your name and rank for the record, soldier," the colonel ordered.
The armored man nodded and began typing, a holo-screen appearing in front of him which displayed the text: 'NAME: PELLEAS C. DEROMMER. RANK: STAFF SERGEANT. I ASSIST WITH CLOSE QUARTERS COMBAT INSTRUCTION.'
"HOLD IT!" Rei slammed her fists on the bench. "Sergeant, why didn't you tell me and Lady Vert you were a witness yesterday?!"
The staff sergeant rubbed the back of his helmet briefly, before typing: 'I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING, BUT LADY VERT SAID WE SHOULD LEAVE. SO I DID.'
"Oh dear," sighed Vert, shaking her head. "Perhaps I shouldn't have been so hasty..."
Colonel Cutter just rolled his eyes. "Get on with your testimony, Sergeant."
'YES SIR,' DeRommer typed. 'I WAS OFF-DUTY HANGING AROUND THE AIRPORT IN CASUAL DRESS, WHEN I HEARD SOME COMMOTION. IT WAS A LEANBOX SOLDIER- ADRIAN, CHASING A MAN IN RAGS. I FOLLOWED FROM A DISTANCE, SEEING IF THERE WAS ANY WAY FOR ME TO CUT OFF THE THIEF'S ESCAPE. THAT'S WHEN I SAW SOMEONE RUN INTO AN ALLEY. IT WAS A WOMAN, WITH LIGHT COLORED HAIR, DRESSED IN YELLOW AND BLACK. I TRIED TO FOLLOW, BUT WAS CUT OFF BY A GARBAGE TRUCK. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO BEAT UP AND SHOT THE THIEF! WHEN THE POLICE ARRIVED, I REALIZED THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO, SO I LEFT.' DeRommer stood at ease, indicating he was finished.
"Hmmmm..." General Lawson pondered. "So you tried to pursue the thief yourself, in order to help your partner, but you were cut off..."
'YES SIR,' DeRommer typed. 'UNFORTUNATELY I DID NOT SEE THE MOMENT OF THE MURDER, WHICH IS LIKELY WHY THE COLONEL DISCOUNTED MY TESTIMONY AT FIRST.'
"That, and it seemed a little too convenient," muttered the prosecutor. "But I suppose that's what cross-examination is for, right civilian?"
Lawson nodded. "Indeed. The defense will now cross-examine the witness."
"I don't like this," Vert muttered to herself. "Everything seems to be going our way... it's almost *too* easy."
"I know what you mean," Rei nodded in response. (Because that usually means we're walking into a trap... but all we can do is push forward.) Clearing her throat, she addressed the witness, "Well, first of all, I'd like to ask... what exactly were you doing at the airport anyway, Sergeant?"
'ADRIAN TOLD ME ABOUT HIS JOB ESCORTING LADY VERT'S GUEST, THAT IS, YOU YOURSELF,' DeRommer responded. 'I THOUGHT THAT AFTER ADRIAN WAS FINISHED, HE AND I COULD HANG OUT TOGETHER FOR A SHORT BIT. I... REALLY DON'T HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS BESIDES ADRIAN...'
"Well, maybe if you weren't so shy all the time..." Adrian muttered from the defendant's chair.
(Sounds reasonable enough so far,) thought Rei. "But why didn't you try to get around the garbage truck? Was it *that* close to the wall?"
DeRommer hesitated a moment, before typing, 'WELL, IT CERTAINLY LOOKED THAT WAY...'
"OBJECTION!" came the cry. However, it came not from Rei Ryghts, but...
"L-Lady Vert?!" the judge/general gasped in surprise. "You have a problem with the witness' testimony?"
"I do, General," Vert nodded. "So, Sergeant DeRommer, you claim that you didn't see the murder itself, yet you knew that the victim was savagely beaten just before being shot. That detail was never released to the general public..."
'I FOUND OUT FROM LISTENING TO THE TRIAL BEFORE BEING CALLED AS A WITNESS,' DeRommer retorted.
The Leanbox CPU shook her head. "Shame on you, trying to lie to your goddess right to her face. We talked with some of your fellow soldiers yesterday," she recounted, " and they said something very interesting. They told me that when they texted you about what happened with Petty Officer Johns, that your response was, 'It's a lie, he didn't beat up and shoot anyone, that's not the Adrian I know.'"
"...!" Sweat started dripping from under DeRommer's helmet.
"Ahh!" Rei gasped in surprise. (I'd completely forgotten about that!)
Vert then slapped her gloved hand on the bench a la Edgeworth. "So tell me, Sergeant, how *did* you know that detail when you supposedly never saw the actual murder?!"
'LD';';F'J'URU CNXNHUFUHLN?!' DeRommer typed in panic, sending the crowd into a tizzy, forcing General Lawson to bang his gavel.
"Order! Order!" cried the general.
"Are you saying the witness was lyin' in his testimony just now?!" protested Cutter, sweating slightly.
"O-of course that's what we're saying!" Rei blurted out quickly. (I can't let Vert show me up here, *I'm* supposed to be the defense attorney!) "And there's a perfectly good explanation for that!"
"There is?" Lawson blinked.
(There's only one plausible explanation... but that would mean...!) Shaking her head, Rei slammed her fists on the bench. "Sergeant DeRommer! It was *you* who ducked into the alley before the garbage truck blocked it off, weren't you?!"
"OBJECTION!" cried Colonel Cutter. "Yer off your rocker, civilian! You yourself proved that it had to be a *woman* that ran out the east end of the alley!"
The lawyer just nodded. "Exactly."
"...!" Cutter's eyes went wide. "W-wait, you ain't sayin'...?!"
"That's right!" The lawyer pointed at the sergeant. "The witness standing before us, is in fact, a woman!"
"Graaaahhh!" DeRommer recoiled as if he'd been hit with an uppercut.
"A woman?!" gasped the judge/general. The crowd started chattering...
'WAIT A MINUTE!' DeRommer started typing again. 'YOU'RE SAYING I'M A GIRL JUST BECAUSE OF SOME FOOTPRINTS?!'
"Not just the footprints," Rei Ryghts shook her head. "No-one in your unit has seen you outside of your armor... you've never even removed your helmet... probably because there's a very pretty female face underneath! And your story about being a mute is also a lie! More likely, you just can't convincingly ape a male voice! Thus the fabrication about an injury to your throat!"
"Hmmm..." Lawson closed his eyes. "Yes, that does seem rather suspicious..."
"But if Sergeant DeRommer is a woman, why would she go to all that trouble to hide her gender?" Vert asked.
"You may not agree with this, Lady Vert..." said the general, "and this may perhaps may be outmoded, but the current rule is that women cannot be allowed in frontline combat positions in this army. Yet Sergeant DeRommer has been on the front lines almost since the day he joined. If it were discovered that he was in fact, a she, then she would be immediately discharged from service."
Cutter cut in, "But if that's true, then how the heck did she get through the process of joining the army without being discovered in the first place?!"
"...She had help," Rei stated simply. "Help from someone who knew the system inside and out."
"And who would that be?" inquired Lawson.
The former goddess sighed in slight exasperation. "Isn't it obvious, sir? It's the person that's closer to DeRommer than anyone else... his only friend... the defendant, Petty Officer Adrian Harold Johns!"
"Groooooh!" DeRommer recoiled again.
"HOLD IT!" Adrian yelled in protest. "Lady Vert, you know me pretty well! You *know* I wouldn't put my own career on the line like that! Especially not for some random woman!"
"W-well, that's true..." muttered the CPU.
"Maybe not for *any* woman..." Rei pondered... but then something occurred to her. "But maybe you would do it for *your* woman..."
"M-my woman?" Adrian grunted, sweating slightly.
Rei then turned to Vert. "Lady Vert, you remember where we first met Sergeant DeRommer, don't you?"
"Of course," Vert nodded. "It was at Adrian's girlfriend's apartment... but she wasn't home."
"Wrong, Lady Vert," Rei disagreed. "She *was* home... we just didn't recognize her, because she was all decked out in her shiny white armor!"
"W-what?!" the CPU gasped, her eyes shrinking to white circles. "But that means...!"
"That's right!" The horned lawyer slammed her fists on the bench again. "General, the defense portends that Staff Sergeant DeRommer, and the defendant's girlfriend Peach... are in fact one and the same!"
'UR9F8HVJZXCLKJARVKVSUSHKJN!' DeRommer panic-typed again.
The gallery was restless, to say the least. "DeRommer and Peach are one and the same?" "No way, man! I've met Peach before!" "But they've never been seen together, have they?" "Could it be...? Are they really...?"
"Order! Order in the court!" cried Lawson as he banged his gavel in rapid succession. "If order is not restored, I'll make you all drop and give me 50!" That quieted the crowd quickly.
DeRommer let out a loud roar of rage as he slammed his hands on the witness stand, narrowly missing his keyboard, before furiously typing, 'I OBJECT! THIS IS JUST INSANE RAMBLING FROM THE PSYCHO GODDESS!'
"And just how is it insane, MISS DeRommer?" Rei challenged.
'EVIDENCE IS EVERYTHING IN A COURT OF LAW! EVEN *I* KNOW THAT!' the sergeant retorted. 'BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF THAT I AM PEACH! NOT EVEN ONE TINY SPECK!'
"Y-yeah, what he said!" Adrian supplemented. "I demand the defense show proof of their claim, or I'll demand that this entire discourse be stricken from the record!"
"Meep..." squeaked Rei, sweating.
"Heh heh heh..." chuckled Colonel Cutter. "It seems the petty officer and his partner have thrown down the gauntlet, civilian. Now, do you have any ammunition to respond with?"
"Oh, dear..." Vert sighed. "We don't have anything that definitively proves DeRommer is Peach, do we? After all, the possibility didn't even occur to us until recently..."
General Lawson then banged his gavel. "The witness raises a fair point. Without proof, your assertion is no more than flimsy conjecture... so, does the defense have any evidence to offer?"
"O-of course we do, Your Honor- er, General!" Rei answered.
"W-we do?" Vert blinked in surprise.
Cutter just shook his head. "You're not soundin' very confident, defense... and I know a bluff when I see one."
(Well, he's right in a sense...) Rei thought to herself. (But even if it *is* a bluff, it's all we've got!)
A gavel sounded. "Well then, I suppose it's time to call the defense's bluff, then," Lawson nodded. "The defense will present their evidence at this time."
'IF YOU EVEN HAVE ANY, THAT IS,' typed DeRommer.
The lawyer took a deep breath to calm herself. "My evidence... is right here! TAKE THAT!" She presented Peach's trinket.
"What is that?" asked the general. "It looks something like a rose..."
"It's a trinket that Adrian got as a gift for his girlfriend," Rei explained.
"And how does that prove your theory?" Cutter scoffed.
(Here goes nothing...) "It's all over for you, Sergeant," Rei stated firmly. "Because this trinket was found dropped next to the dead body at the crime scene!"
"WHHAAAAAAAA-?!" DeRommer let loose with a high-pitched scream as he recoiled again.
"HOLD IT!" screamed Adrian. "I was the one that gave that trinket to you! How did you know it was dropped at the crime scene?!"
Rei just gave her trademark 'psycho smirk'. "Well, I know *now*, Adrian, since you were nice enough to confess!"
"AYAAAAAAAAGH!" cried Adrian, his hands on his cheeks as his head tilted to one side.
"Gaaahhh!" cried Colonel Cutter, once again acting like he'd been shot. The gallery once again erupted into chatter.
"Order! Order! Order in the court!" cried General Lawson as he gaveled the crowd down.
"W-well, I must say," Vert stuttered slightly, "that was a beautifully played bluff, Rei. Even better, it turned out to be true!"
"Nnnrrrrgghh..." moaned the sergeant, sweat dripping from under the helmet, her hands gripping her head.
"Now then, Sergeant," Lawson addressed the witness, "I believe this farce has gone on long enough. I order you to remove your helmet and show your true identity this instant!"
"Nnn... nnnnn... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" DeRommer screamed, recoiling so far back, it was a wonder she didn't fall over completely. As she did, her helmet slid off her head, clattering to the floor. The armored soldier then righted herself, revealing a very pretty female face, with large, expressive blue eyes, and strawberry-blonde hair going down to her shoulders, some of it pulled back into a ponytail by two small red bobbles. "No, no, no, no! This can't be happening...! I've... I've been found out!" she spoke in a very cute feminine voice. Tears began welling up in her eyes. "I... I'm sorry, Adrian! I can't fight alongside you anymoooooooore!" She began bawling, streams of tears going down her cheeks. The gallery began chattering in confused disbelief.
"My word! You really are a woman!" The general's eyes were wide with shock.
"...Witness. Tell us your real name," Rei ordered solemnly.
*snif* "M-my... my name is... Peach C. Macintosh. I'm Adrian's girlfriend. 'DeRommer' was my father's name, but when he ran out on us, my Mom reverted to her maiden name, as did I." Peach then chuckled bitterly. "I didn't even realize I'd dropped that trinket from Adrian until just now..."
"P-Peashy..." Adrian sighed in an apologetic tone.
"Peashy?!" gasped Vert, her eyes once again shrunk to white circles, causing Rei to glance over at the CPU in confusion.
General Lawson heaved a sigh. "Well, Miss Macintosh, I can say one thing for certain- your military career is indeed over. However, you may yet avoid a dishonorable discharge if you tell us the whole and complete truth, starting now."
"Y-yes sir," sighed Peach. "I-I confess... I was the one that beat up the thief. B-but I didn't kill him! I swear I didn't!" she insisted.
"Then what happened?" Cutter pressed.
"W-well... what I said before was kinda true... I was trying to help Adrian by heading that thief off at the pass. I just managed to get in the west end of the alley before that garbage truck blocked it off... I made a quick right, and that thief literally ran right into me..."
("And just where do you think *you're* going?")
("Waaaaah!")
(*POW! THWACK! THUNK! KICK!* *thud*)
Peach punched a hand into her fist. "I gave that fool a beating he'd never forget! But as I was standing over his prone body... BLAM! A gunshot rang out! I have no idea where it came from... I saw the thief's head jerk, and then he went limp. Adrian arrived not a second later..."
("Peach! What are you doing here?!")
("Adrian! I... I didn't...")
("You're lucky I got here first. Go on, run! I'll cover for you!")
("Th-thank you!")
"I fled out the east end, since the other end was still blocked off by the garbage truck," Peach said. "After that, I went home... I figured Adrian wouldn't get in too much trouble, given the victim was a notorious thief... so you can imagine my shock when our fellow soldiers texted me about his arrest. I was so upset... I didn't know what to do... Then I got an idea. I'd go to court and testify as Sergeant DeRommer, to try and take suspicion off my boyfriend. I was just getting my helmet on when Lady Vert and Rei Ryghts came in. I just managed to hide myself from view, and then snuck behind Rei, trying to make it look like I'd come in right behind them." She then looked over at the defense's bench. "Honestly, if you two had come in even a minute earlier, the jig would've been up right then and there."
"So that's why I didn't hear you come in..." Rei sighed.
"I'm really sorry for scaring you like that," Peach apologized. "I didn't mean it..."
General Lawson then banged his gavel. "Well, it seems we have the whole story now. Colonel, what do you make of this?"
"Hmph," Cutter grunted. "Well, I believe the part where she says she beat up the victim, at least. But if what she says is true..." He banged his fist on the bench. "Then the only possible culprit is the accused, Petty Officer Johns!"
"OBJECTION!" cried Rei. "How can you say that?"
"There's only two directions an alley can go, civilian, unless you're a ghost! And since I don't believe in superstitions, that could only mean either the petty officer or his girlfriend did it!"
"No, no, no!" cried Peach. "I told you, the gunshot rang out just before Adrian arrived!"
"And how do you know he didn't just shoot the victim from a distance?" Cutter retorted.
"OBJECTION!" Rei protested. "The autopsy report contradicts your assertion, Colonel!"
"How so?" Cutter challenged.
"The position of the victim's head," Rei clarified, "suggests that the shot that killed him came from straight above. Meaning, the shooter would have had to have been standing directly over Klept O. Maniac when he was shot! Something that Adrian could not have done even with the short distance he was from the body at the time!"
"OBJECTION!" asserted the colonel/prosecutor. "Even if what you say is true, that doesn't mean you can take this lady's gabbing as gospel! She's lied once, she'll lie again to keep suspicion off her boyfriend!"
"No, I'm telling the truth now, I swear!" Peach protested.
"Even if she is lying," Rei pointed out, "You're still forgetting that the bullet found in the victim's skull doesn't match to the weapon the accused had on him when he surrendered!"
"Ah," Lawson nodded, "It looks like we've come all the way back around to the original contradiction- the non-matching bullet. It seems after all this, we still haven't found a satisfactory explanation for this..."
Colonel Cutter shook his head. "Speak for yourself, General... I've got a perfectly rational way of explanin' it!"
"Y-you do?" the general blinked in surprise.
"It's quite simple," said Cutter. "The accused used a different firearm to kill the victim!"
"OBJECTION!" Rei and Vert cried out simultaneously. The two women looked at each other for a moment, before Rei motioned for the CPU to go ahead. *Ahem* "Colonel, I'm fairly certain that Adrian wasn't carrying anything other than that assault rifle when we arrived at the airport..."
The grazened officer hesitated for a moment, before responding, "With all due respect, Lady Vert... you're only 'fairly' certain?"
"I-I'm pretty sure I didn't see any other firearms on his person," Vert asserted, though her voice wavered slightly. "After all, we were just escorting Ms. Ryghts here from the airport..."
"But you didn't, say, scan him from top to bottom?" Cutter gently pressed.
"W-well, no..."
"So, the possibility exists that maybe Petty Officer Johns was carrying another firearm... one with a similar color to his armor, perhaps, which would explain why you missed it!" the prosecutor asserted.
"OBJECTION!" cried Rei, slamming her fists on the bench. "Then what happened to this gun after the crime was committed? No other firearms were discovered at the scene!"
"You're right," Cutter agreed. "But that's because the gun was taken away from the scene and disposed of elsewhere, by an accomplice!" He leaned slightly over the bench. "Ain't that right... Miss Peach?"
"Huh?" Peach blinked in confusion. "W-wait, what? Me?!"
"Wh-what?!" gasped Vert.
"HOLD IT!" cried Rei. "You're saying *Peach* disposed of the other firearm? That's insane! Why would she do that?!"
"Th-that's right!" the blonde asserted. "I-I can't use a gun to save my life! I'm not even allowed to carry one!"
"OBJECTION!" The colonel banged his fist on the bench. "Stop tryin' to confuse the court, witness! Ya don't have to know how to *use* a gun if you're just carrying it away from the crime scene! And it's already proven that you'd do *anything* for yer boyfriend's sake!"
"Nooooooo!" Peach recoiled in dismay.
"Stop it!" yelled Adrian. "Peach has nothing to do with this!"
General Lawson banged his gavel. "What did I tell you about speaking out of turn, petty officer?!"
"Nnnnnnggghhh..." Adrian bowed his head and gritted his teeth.
Cutter stated confidently, "The prosecution's assertion is as follows: Petty Officer Johns and his girlfriend cornered the victim, Klept O. Maniac, in the middle of a dark alley, in a classic pincer movement. Then Miss Peach viciously assaulted the victim and held him down, while Johns delivered the killing shot! Then the petty officer gave his gun to Miss Peach, who fled the scene and disposed of the weapon somewhere far away, probably in the river!" He banged his fist on the bench again. "It was all part of their plan take suspicion off the petty officer by having him surrender with a gun that didn't match the bullet!"
"No, no, no, noooooo!" wailed the blonde, once again holding her head in her hands.
"Urk!" grunted Rei in disbelief. (I want to object... but his explanation perfectly fits the facts!)
"I believe the proper phrase here is, 'We've been suckered'," muttered Vert. "That's not the sort of theory you just come up with on the spot. The colonel's been playing us like a violin!"
"Heh heh heh... as sharp as ever, Lady Vert," Cutter smirked. "After all, did you really think I didn't know about the bullet and gun not matching? Or the footprints at the east end of the alley? I suspected an accomplice from the very beginning!" He shook his head. "But I had no way of provin' that, or who it might be... until you so graciously did it for me, Rei Ryghts!"
"AAAAAHHHH!" cried the lawyer in shock. (I... I played right into his hands!)
Colonel Cutter then pointed his index finger at Rei like a gun, before 'shooting' it. "Now do you see why they call me 'the undefeated colonel of the courtroom'? You never stood a chance on this battlefield, civilian!"
"Hrrrrrrgghh..." Rei grunted, sweating profusely.
General Lawson then banged his gavel. "It would seem that the prosecution's claim, while somewhat flimsy, is the only plausible explanation of what happened. Does the defense have any objections?"
"Rei, please! You have to do something!" Vert pleaded. "Otherwise, both Adrian AND Peashy will be found guilty!"
(I want to!) the lawyer thought desperately, (but I can't think of anything!)
"Now, now, Lady Vert..." Cutter began, "I think even your lawyer knows it's time to lay down arms and surrender. There simply isn't any other way to explain what happened! Unless you think the bullet that killed that thief came down from the sky, like divine retribution from heaven?" The colonel started guffawing at his joke...
"OBJECTION!" Vert cut him off, slapping her hand on the bench. "Kindly watch how you use the term 'divine retribution' in *my* presence, Colonel!"
"Gkkk!" Cutter choked as he tried to restrain his laughter. "Guh... heh heh... s-sorry, Lady Vert... no offense meant..."
(Is that *really* worth objecting over, Vert?) Rei groaned inwardly... but then, an idea dawned on her... (Wait a minute... divine retribution... from the sky?) The lawyer gasped as a sudden epiphany hit her. (That's it! That has to be it!)
The judge/general then banged his gavel. "Now then, if the comedy portion of this trial is over, I would like to pronounce my verdict..."
"OBJECTION!" cried Rei pointing her finger at Lawson. "Not so fast, General! I have a rebuttal!"
"Oh, geez louise..." Cutter groaned. "You keep tryin' to fight back, even though you're clean outta ammo..."
"Not quite yet, Colonel!" the former goddess shook her head. "I still have one last salvo!" (This really is my last chance... if I can't make this work, it's game over!)
"Alright, but this had better be good, Ms. Ryghts," sighed Lawson. "Now, what is your rebuttal?"
"Well, going back to what the good colonel said earlier," Rei began, "about the bullet coming from the sky..."
"OBJECTION!" Cutter interrupted. "Come on, Ryghts! I was talkin' out my ass there!"
"Watch your language, Colonel..." sighed Vert.
"I don't care where you were talking out of!" Rei said defiantly. "It's perfectly plausible the bullet actually came from up above!"
"Ms. Ryghts, please," groaned General Lawson, "This is no time for such desperation! You're honestly going to try saying the bullet fell from the sky?!"
"O-of course it didn't fall!" Rei moaned, "It was shot from a gun, like any other bullet!"
"So what, are ya saying some nut from a helicopter shot and killed Mr. Rickard Hauser?" Colonel Cutter mocked.
Rei shook her head. "Not from a helicopter... from the rooftop! Remember, the shot came from directly above! Isn't it plausible that someone could have fired a gun from way up on the rooftop and killed the victim that way?"
"OBJECTION! Even if it is plausible, what the heck would somebody be doin' all the way up there to begin with?" The colonel/prosecutor argued.
Rei just gave a sinister smirk in response. "Well, if this hadn't been a military court-martial, I might never have thought of it. Tell, me, Colonel... does the word 'sniper' mean anything to you?"
"S-sniper?" Cutter was starting to sweat now.
Lawson closed his eyes. "Ms. Ryghts, are you honestly suggesting that a trained sniper was stationed on one of the rooftops... with the express purpose of killing Mr. Hauser?!"
"Yes, sir," Rei nodded. "And there's a piece of evidence that corroborates my theory... namely, the very bullet itself!"
"OBJECTION!" Colonel Cutter banged his fist on the bench. "How does the bullet itself prove the existence of a sniper?!"
"Because neither JAG nor the local police could find the shell casing, remember?" the lawyer pointed out. "We assumed it was because the shooter had policed his brass... but tell me, wouldn't it be hard for anyone to find a shell casing in that dark alley, in the short interval of time between the gunshot and when Lady Vert and I arrived on the scene?"
"Good point," muttered Adrian, "I only found Peach's trinket by dumb luck, myself..."
"But what if the shell casing wasn't actually ejected from its gun in that alley?" Rei continued her argument. "What if, instead... it was ejected on the rooftop? That would explain why nobody could find it! Because Mr. Rickard T. Hauser was killed not by Petty Officer Adrian... but by a sniper's bullet!"
"Aaaaagghh!" cried Cutter, recoiling as if he'd been shot again. "D-dammit! A sniper ambush! I didn't even consider that! Fall back, men! Find cover!" The gallery started chattering wildly at this.
"Order! Order! Order!" cried Lawson, banging his gavel.
"Something tells me the good colonel wasn't acting *that* time," Vert observed with a satisfied smirk. "Well done, Rei."
Rei slammed her fists on the bench again. "General Lawson, sir! The defense hereby requests that the rooftops be thoroughly investigated! If the victim was indeed killed by a sniper, they may have left evidence behind up there!"
"Hmmmmm... I agree." Lawson nodded, before banging his gavel. "It appears a new possibility has emerged in this case. The victim, Klept O. Maniac, may in fact have been shot by a sniper. Therefore, I am suspending proceedings for today while this new angle is looked into. Does the prosecution have any objections?"
"Grrrrr..." Colonel Cutter growled. "Not bad, civilian! It seems you've won this skirmish. But the war is far from over! Until we meet again!" He then retreated from the prosecution's bench in a crouching sprint, like a soldier under heavy fire.
"Thank g-goodness..." Peashy sighed, partially collapsing over the witness stand.
"I'll take that as a no," sighed the general. "So be it. We shall resume tomorrow at 0930 hours sharp. And I suggest you set your alarm this time, Ms. Ryghts."
"Y-yes, sir..." Rei groaned.
Lawson then banged his gavel one last time. "That's all for today, troops. Dismissed!"
To be continued...