AN: Now I know what you're thinking…
Another chapter?! So soon?!
… well of course. I wouldn't leave my beloved fan base high and dry… even though I did it before, which isn't something I'm proud of.
So a lot of y'all love the story, which really warms my heart btw. It just makes me want to write more!
I think I said in the first chapter that this was my first fic, and it's received a lot of traction which I love.
Also is anyone else having a problem getting email notifications? I've tried to do what the website tells me and still nuthin.
Anyways back to funny cat story.
Mittens POV…
The Avengers finished their meal at the shawarma joint and went their separate ways. It was sad to see my new teammates go, but they promised to come back and visit every now and then. They of course would be visiting 'STARK' tower because Tony had agreed to keep me until the Avengers HQ was built. 'STANK' tower was not the name of the actual building, it was 'STARK' because that was Tony's last name. (Tony explained that to me, it really didn't surprise me that he was like a gazillionaire.)
While I was staying with Tony he explained some ground rules as we walked towards STARK tower through rubble and destroyed buildings.
"I've set up the simple cat necessities up in the penthouse level, you told me you've been there before right?" He asked me.
"Yurp." I responded.
"Anyway I've made some modifications to the doors so that it is physically impossible for you to jump off the building. I think you will find that you won't even be able to pass through the balcony entrance. But no need to worry, I've made it so that you can open the windows anytime you want." Tony said.
"Ok."
"Also while you live with me, you can't act like a skinwalker and be a human. It's probably best for you to remain a cute and cuddly ball of fur just for my sanity." Added the metal man.
"Mhm."
"Another rule, don't even think about touching the expensive alcohol. You can have a beer, maybe a whiskey, but everything you will drink will be cheap, this isn't because you're a cat, it's because I love to relax up there and drink expensive liquid." He explained.
"Only beer, got it."
"In addition, you will be required to wear this." Tony said to me.
He brought his hands up towards me like he was filling them with water, in his outstretched hands was a small pet collar with a red, yellow, and silver pattern on it. The tag on it was shaped like a heart and had something inscribed on it. Upon closer examination it read:
Garfield
"The body of a cute cat,
but the heart of
a gross disgusting alien."
If found please call
Tony Stark.
"Isn't that just the most adorable thing you've ever seen?" He asked me like a schoolgirl who saw her friend in a cute outfit.
He handed it to me with a shit eating grin. I held it in my hand like it was the most fragile thing ever.
"Did you just… manifest a cat collar into existence?" I asked incredulously.
"Nah, while you were saying bye to the team I popped into a pet store and found this, I just HAD to get it." Tony gushed.
"You found it with all this shit written on it?" I asked him.
"Well no. There was an etching machine on the far wall, it took like thirty minutes but I got it done." He responded proudly.
I feel like Tony was a secret pet lover, which is a surprise because he doesn't give off those vibes at all. He gives off that 'I'm too smart to associate with something of lesser intelligence,' kind of vibe.
"What if I turn into a human with that thing on?" I questioned him.
"You can adjust it, see." Tony answered while adjusting the collar to be bigger.
Then he unclipped it and fashioned it to my neck, which barely fit me and probably looked really stupid.
"This is… a look. A very interesting look. I can only describe it as: Middle aged father tries to hold on to his glory days while also trying to be in touch with his feminine side so he wears his daughters choker."
"Bahahaha! I'm not middle aged, and I certainly don't have any children. Just how old do you think I am dude?" I replied.
"Well with the stache', I'd put you at like uh… 39 to 42." He responded confidently.
"Huh." I responded as I felt for my 'stache'. When I found it I was surprised, it was surprisingly big and bushy. It was like a small animal was resting on my upper lip.
Why, how strange. In my previous life I had never been able to grow a mustache. I had the worst genetics for facial hair, the only thing I could grow was peach fuzz and even then it was VERY patchy. But now as I feel this foreign and luscious piece of hair on my face, the only thing I could work out is that the ideal male body has a very luscious moo-stache'. This made me very happy. Almost my entire face was filled with stubble, and there weren't any patchy spots!
As soon as we get to a bathroom, you bet your ass I am looking in a mirror.
Wait a minute, the ideal male body? Who's ideal male body is this? In what category is this ideal?
A mullet…
A mustache…
No abdominals…
Yoked as fuck…
Really tall…
A monster size Slim Jim that's not so slim…
Is this a dude's ideal body type or what a woman wants a man to look like? I guess you could say… I really have no clue as to what women think. You could also say that no man knows what a woman is thinking. Except maybe Dr. Phil? I was never really talented in the skill of attracting women… of any kind.
An average man's ideal superpower would be super strength or flying or something like that. But I think a married man would prefer to be able to read minds.
I mean every girl is different right? So what percentage of the female population would I attract? What type of girls would be into a guy that looked like their dad?
Weird concept.
Ding!
"Aaaaand we have arrived." Tony announced in a normal tone, as the elevator doors opened to reveal the penthouse suite. The metal man made a beeline towards the alcohol, also I just noticed that he didn't have his suit on anymore. Leaving him bare and vulnerable.
He walked like a man with a purpose. Without the suit on he was shorter than me. His physique looked like it matched his personality perfectly.
The suite was completely clean and spotless, like an alien invasion didn't just happen. The only difference was that there was a two foot tall gate in front of the doors that led out to the balcony.
"Is that an insult?" I asked Tony while gesturing towards the gate.
"Huh, oh that…. Yes it is." He replied with a giggle, frantically making himself a drink behind the bar.
I rolled my eyes as I walked over to the bar, taking a seat on one of the very comfy bar stools. Tony sat on the other side sipping what looked like a cosmopolitan.
"Hey hey! That's pretty damn good!" Tony exclaimed to nobody in particular.
He glanced at me after his fifth sip from the cosmopolitan.
"Oh, where are my manners?" He said to himself, putting down his drink while grabbing a glass from under the bar.
"What type of person are you? Are you the type to slave away all day and get home at 5 just so your wife can yell at you because you don't buy her enough jewelry? Or are you a billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist, and savior of New York?" Tony questioned snottily as he held the glass looking at me.
"What's the difference?" I responded.
"There is none, except in one of them you're me… so what's it gonna be?" He responded in a monotone voice.
"The first one I guess." I answered.
"Miller lite coming up." He responded as he moved down the bar to a spout station, pouring the beer like a professional barkeeper.
Mmmmmm yummy, there's nothing like a cold beer to end a long and hard day. Something about doing a difficult task and having a cold one afterwards is just so comforting. Especially now that I had just repelled an alien invasion.
"I'm willing to bet money that you can drink a pint within two seconds." Tony proclaimed as he set the beer in front of me.
I took a hearty swig.
"Actually I don't have the slightest idea how to do that." I said as I put down my finished glass.
Wait what?
I chugged it like it was nothing. That felt like I was just eating an alien, it's as if it just fell down my throat and disappeared. Although I tasted it, it didn't even register in my belly. Like it fell into a black hole or something, weird.
"Did you just… do the thing that I told you that I thought you could do, and then after doing it, say you couldn't do it?" Tony genuinely questioned.
"Erm… yes." I responded
"That's next level comedy right there." Tony admitted.
"Thanks."
Like a month later…
I was in cat form chilling out on the top platform of the deluxe 12 foot tall cat tree that Tony bought for me a week ago. It was almost instinctual, I had to be at the top of this thing so I could survey the entire room in all of its glory.
Tony always came up here in the afternoon with his wife, Pepper. All she knew about me was that I was a stray cat that Tony had rescued during the invasion. She was very nice and gave me bits of catnip every now and then.
By the way catnip is the shit… the cats meow. It was like weed, and if I understood enough cat anatomy, it is weed.
Currently, Pepper is my favorite woman. Of course Natasha is up there on the list, but she hasn't come to visit me yet.
Speaking of visits, Thor comes in here every other day making an actual effort to bond with me . He always brings me little pet costumes that he makes me try on, which is of course very humiliating but the way he looks at me after putting it on is the best. It's like he is dressing up his child in a cute outfit.
Tony even poses me and takes my picture while I have the outfit on. The whole process is entirely humiliating and degrading. As a cat, I can't change my facial expression either so I looked very mad the whole time.
Other than that he keeps me on a diet of lasagna and beer. I don't know why he would feed a cat that, but I'm assuming the lasagna is a joke because of Garfield. But the beer is different, it's like he thinks I prefer it to actual water. Which is actually surprisingly correct.
Tony chillin in his workshop…
As I tinkered on a suit, I realized it was getting about that time of the day. The time of the day that I get to hang out with Avenger numero seven.
Going upstairs after working and hanging out with Mittens is just a bright spot in my day. Even more so when Thor shows up with these ridiculous costumes for him.
Needless to say, I have a small picture of Mittens dressed up like a cowboy (complete with the hat) that has earned its place in my wallet. Whenever I look at it I always end up with a smile on my face.
I know that he's actually a grown ass man, but right now he's just a tiny little adorable cutie-face cat. We even watched movies on the large flat screen TV that I had installed about a week ago.
I spent so much time with Mittens that Pepper was getting a little jealous. Eventually she gave up and started hanging out with us.
Mittens POV…
I looked out on my domain, which was the suite room. My lasagna and beer bowls were empty.
I hopped down off of my perch to do something about that just as someone tapped on the large bay windows looking out at New York.
I glanced over at the window to find not one, but two birds that were looking at me through the window.
A pigeon and a seagull.
How peculiar.
"You should, like, totally let those two birds in, they look really friendly." Said a sudden and abrupt voice in my head.
"Yes, this is your subconscious by the way. You should totally believe us- I mean… uh… your subconscious." Another totally different voice said in my brain.
No it can't be.
Beavis and Butthead are back!
"Meow!" I vocalized but received no response
Oh shit hold on.
I padded over to a series of buttons on the floor in front of the cat tower. Tony had these installed so I could talk to him or Jarvis about anything. In all there were about one hundred different buttons each saying a different word. The voice that it used was pretty much the voice that I read things with in my head, you know how you read things in your head and there's a voice you use to do that. Well my voice was an enthusiastic and robotic female voice that paused between every word.
I walked to one that was orange and pressed it.
"Jarvis." Said an enthusiastic female voice from the button.
"Ah master Mittens, is there anything I can help you with?" A British male calmly spoke from speakers in the ceiling.
Jarvis's voice is always so soothing and makes me at ease, and that British accent that he uses is to die for.
I walked over to the group of buttons.
"Please."
"Open."
"Window."
"Why of course master Mittens, is there anything else I can do for you?" Jarvis responded.
I walked over to another button.
"Beer."
"Master Mittens I'm sure Mr. Stark will personally bring you-" He began.
"Beer."
"If you would be patient master Mittens, in approximately 30 minutes Mr. Stark will-"
"Beer."
"Master Mittens, Mr. Stark has programmed me so that I am unable to provide you-"
"Beer."
The next ten seconds were silent until I broke it by pushing another button.
"Sorry."
"No worries master Mittens. I'll open that window for you now." He finished, his tone through the entire conversation remaining calm.
The bay window opened and the birds outside flew in, stopping in front of me.
"Kakaw!" Exclaimed the seagull.
"Yo yo what up Mittens, it's your favorite cosmic daddies!" Exclaimed an enthusiastic voice in my head.
"Hoohoo." The pigeon vocalized.
"You're a hard cat to find, you know that?" It asked, again in my head.
"Meow!" I vocalized happily.
"It's so great to see you guys! Where have y'all been all this time? It's been a month!" I said.
Ding!
The elevator opened to reveal Tony with a six pack and a tray of lasagna.
"Oh Mittens! Jarvis told me you were thirsty so I quit early and decided to bring you…" he trailed off as he noticed the two birds in front of me.
"Jarvis, close the window." Tony said to Jarvis.
As if on command the window slapped shut, trapping the two birds in the room.
"What's this Mittens are you catching your own food now?" Tony asked.
I looked around the button console for a word... there it is.
"No."
"Then what are you doing? You don't know if they're carrying diseases." Tony complained.
Umm hold on... here we go.
"Toy."
Shit wrong button.
"Friend."
AN: oh shit! What's gonna happen?
I guess you find out next time!
Let me know what y'all think.
Peace.