Author's Note: Hello, and welcome to the next stage of my "Always and Forever" Kyoru series! This one picks up right at the end of "Are We Ready for This?" and I hope you enjoy.
At first, Kyo couldn't make sense of where he was.
He was stiff, he could tell that right away. Like his body was bent at unnatural angles, pulling him in different directions. His neck hurt, and his back was sore. Even in his sleep, he could sense his discomfort, and he tried to shift over in bed to make himself more comfortable. To find Tohru, and to snuggle up close.
But he couldn't.
The discomfort only grew when he tried to roll over; something was abruptly stopping him from changing his position. He frowned, shifting again, trying to burrow his face into his pillow and take some of the tension out of his neck. But trying to turn to his side only made his back hurt more.
He was vaguely aware of lights. Tohru must have left the lamp on, or forgotten to turn off the phone display. Or maybe she was watching something, he thought, as he slowly became aware of quiet voices.
"On a scale of one to ten, can you describe your pain for me, Mrs. Sohma?"
"Um...I'm not sure, maybe a five? Six? More than it was last time, but not a lot more."
That was Tohru's voice...why was Tohru in pain?
Kyo sat up, blinking groggily and looking around. He was lying in a recliner, he realized, not a bed; since when did they have a recliner?
He looked around, the room slowly coming into focus. There wasn't much there to see, and it only took a moment for his gaze to land on Tohru, lying in the hospital bed beside his chair. Another woman was standing beside the bed with some kind of medical contraption, and the two of them had clearly been talking. But they'd lapsed into silence, both of them looking over at Kyo.
Then Tohru smiled at him, a smile he could see even in the room's dim light. "Go back to sleep, Kyo. Everything is fine."
Doubtful, if Tohru was in a hospital bed talking about pain.
Kyo dropped the footrest of the recliner and sat up even more, rubbing his eyes. "No, it's ok, Tohru. Are you ok? What's going on?" A glance at the dark red numbers on the wall clock told him it was 3:22 am; no wonder he felt so out of it.
It was the other woman who responded, her voice low. "Everything is fine, Mr. Sohma. I'm just doing a standard vitals check and pain assessment on your wife, but everything is looking good." She turned back to Tohru. "Someone will be back to check on you again a little bit later, ok?"
Tohru sighed, a quietly resigned sigh, and nodded. "Of course, thank you."
"Try to get some sleep, Mrs. Sohma. Good night to you both."
The nurse withdrew from the room, taking most of the lights out with her. Tohru and Kyo were back in quiet darkness, Kyo still trying to make sense out of everything that was going on. Then Tohru sighed again, a little less resigned.
"Try to sleep, as though they let me sleep more than half an hour or so at a time." She yawned widely, then looked over at Kyo, sitting up in his chair. "You don't have to wake up just because I am, Kyo. Please, lie down and try to sleep. It would be nice if one of us was coherent tomorrow, and it probably won't be me," she said as she leaned her head back against the pillows.
All at once, Kyo remembered where they were and what was going on. He was honestly amazed with himself, that he'd been able to forget for even a moment.
Thirteen hours ago, Tohru had had their baby.
Kyo was wide awake now, looking around the room. The little bassinet with Hajime in it was gone, he saw, and he vaguely recalled someone talking about a night nursery. Now that the nurse was gone, it was just the two of them.
He scooted closer to the bed, and gently reached out to stroke Tohru's hair. She smiled tiredly, leaning into the touch, but her voice was somewhat reproachful as she repeated "Kyo..."
Kyo smiled apologetically. "I'll try, Tohru, I promise. I just...how are you doing, Tohru? Really? Have you been able to sleep at all?"
Tohru yawned again and shook her head. "Not really, no. The nurses come in to check on me a lot, and they bring in Hajime to try to nurse," she said with a clear and obvious wince. "I feel like I just start to nod off, then I have to be awake again."
He was all sympathy. "I wish there was something I could do to help you, Tohru."
She smiled, reaching up to pat his hand, then firmly said "You can sleep."
Tohru was so adamant that there was no way Kyo could refuse her. "Fine, fine." He stood up, leaning over the bed to give her a gentle kiss, then returned to his recliner. As he situated himself once more, he looked over at Tohru, lying in the bed with her eyes closed, and smiled.
"I love you, Tohru."
"Always and forever, Kyo."
The next time Kyo woke up, his neck was even stiffer, but this time there was sunlight streaming through the crack between the curtains. A glance at the bed showed him that Tohru was actually sleeping, and a glance at the clock read 6:45.
He'd actually slept in today.
Yawning quietly, Kyo carefully got up from his recliner and stretched, then walked around the bed to look at Tohru from the other side. She looked so peaceful, sleeping, with her head tilted slightly to the side and her hair partially covering one cheek.
He wanted to reach out and touch her, to feel her turn her cheek into his hand. But he wasn't about to risk waking her, not when her night had been so very long.
Instead, he slipped on his shoes and stepped quietly into the hall, looking around for a moment before walking down the hall to the large windows that looked into the nursery.
Yesterday had been such a wild day. Kyo doubted he'd ever felt so many different emotions, not once in his entire twenty-three years of life. The morning had been completely normal, then early afternoon had rolled around and everything had gone pear-shaped.
He was still furious with himself for not checking his phone, for not making sure that the volume was on, for not simply checking whether Tohru was trying to reach him. Everything had been going so smoothly with the pregnancy that neither he nor Tohru had really thought there was anything to worry about; if anything, Tohru was grumpily resigned to Hajime being late. So Kyo, although he always kept his phone on him, didn't make any more a point of checking it than he always had, which was once at lunch and then not until the end of the day unless it rang.
Thank God for Yamato. If he hadn't turned up at the dojo, then who knew how long it would have taken Kyo to realize that Tohru had been trying to reach him? As it was, even the forty minutes he'd lost between when Tohru first called him and Yamato found him meant he didn't get the chance to see Tohru before she went into surgery.
Even though he knew it was only ten minutes if that, the time Kyo had spent in the surgical gallery watching Tohru on the operating table had felt like a lifetime. He felt so alone, so scared, so guilty; afraid of every negative possibility, almost too afraid to hope for the positive. In those minutes, feeling that he might lost Tohru, he felt a deeper despair than anything he'd ever felt before or hoped to feel again.
But then...everything had been ok. Tohru was ok, and Hajime was ok. Better than ok. Kyo had had an hour with Hajime before Tohru woke up, an hour to hold him, to talk to him, to marvel at him. At the nurse's suggestion Kyo had slipped Hajime into his shirt, holding him against his bare chest, and the simple feeling of his baby son snuggling against him had been almost euphoric.
Kyo was thinking about Tohru the entire time, and there were moments when his guilt threatened to crush any joy he was feeling about Hajime. It was Tohru who ought to be having this time with Hajime, not him. Tohru who should have been the first to hold him, the first to snuggle him. Kyo was an interloper, a placeholder. By rights, he should have been standing back, waiting his turn.
But Tohru couldn't, not yet. Not until the anesthesia had worn off, and she'd woken up.
When the nurse came to let him know that Tohru was waking up, Kyo had felt an overwhelming, unbelievable sense of relief. Dr. Watanabe, Tohru's OB who'd performed the c-section, had told Kyo that everything had gone well, and that Tohru should be waking up after an hour or so. He'd been relieved to hear that, but hadn't truly been able to believe it until he saw her himself.
Sitting beside Tohru's bed in the recovery ward and seeing her start to move had been one of the most precious moments of his life. He'd been in tears since he got to the operating room, but for the first time that day his tears were totally joyous.
He'd been so happy to see her wake up that he hadn't even known what to say. And she'd clearly been confused and hadn't even noticed him, not at first. But then he'd found his voice, even if it was soft and hesitant.
"Hey..."
That was all he said, all he could say in that moment. Like they were kids back in high school again, seeing each other at their shoe lockers. But it was enough for Tohru, and she craned her neck around until she was looking right at him, love pouring out of her tired brown eyes.
"Kyo!" Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, no doubt from the tube they'd had to use for the anesthesia. But Kyo didn't care; it the moment, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
Just like she was the most beautiful sight, and she always would be.
He still couldn't believe it, couldn't believe how everything had turned out. He hadn't dared hope, not at first. Not while he was racing through the dojo, Yamato struggling to keep up. Not in the car driving to the hospital, praying he wouldn't be too late. Not in the heart-stopping moment when he'd learned Tohru was in surgery, not in that terrifying room where time seemed to stop and it was just him, watching Tohru.
Not until he first heard Hajime cry.
But then he'd hoped, and now...now, he could believe. Reaching out with one trembling hand, Kyo ran his fingertips along her cheek. "Tohru...you're ok. You're really ok!"
He said the words as much to convince himself as to talk to her, but he could see the perplexed expression cross her face. She glanced away from him, looking around her, taking in their surroundings. And then he realized that she didn't quite know...or she hadn't, he corrected himself, seeing the moment that her expression changed from that puzzled confusion into wide-eyed realization. And that's when the floodgates opened.
He couldn't hold back the words, couldn't help but pour out every feeling of regret and guilt, of fear and shame. How he'd failed her, failed to be there for her when she needed him. Failed to hold her hand and tell her everything was ok. How afraid he'd been that he'd lose her, that he'd lose her and Hajime both.
Tohru had been listening to him in silence, trying to process what he was saying. But when he mentioned Hajime, her eyes suddenly flared wide, and she looked at him in abject panic. And in that moment he realized that she didn't know...she hadn't had a chance to meet him, yet. Not even to see him.
Even though he knew it was completely inappropriate, Kyo couldn't help the choked laugh that fought through his tears. She had been through so much, and done so much. He'd failed her so much. But here, now, in this one thing, he could do something.
When Kyo had come down to the recovery room, the nurses had also brought along Hajime's bassinet. Tohru couldn't hold him, not yet, but this way, she'd be able to see him right away.
Kyo walked to the bassinet at the foot of the bed, and smiled at the sight of Hajime fast asleep. Bending down, he carefully picked up his son the way the nurses had showed him, cradling the back of his little head, and lifted him up. Fully aware of Tohru's eyes on him the entire time, he turned towards her and tilted Hajime so she could see him better.
And he knew he was smiling, a big, goofy, amazed grin, as he said "Say hi to your mommy, Hajime."
Kyo wasn't surprised at all when Tohru burst into tears, but he knew they were happy. The look in Tohru's eyes said everything; even though she couldn't sit up, or even move her arms yet, she could look. And in that look of joy and amazement and pure love, Kyo knew he was seeing his own eyes reflected right back at him.
"It's alright, Kyo; everything is alright now."
Kyo had sat down beside the bed, cradling Hajime right where Tohru could see him. And she was every bit as excited and happy as Kyo had been, maybe even a little bit more.
"He's so tiny! And so cute." Tohru's voice was still scratchy, but soft. And she smiled as she looked over at Kyo. "I think he looks like you, Kyo; he has your nose!"
"Yeah?" It was kind of hard for Kyo to see any actual resemblance when it came to the face; he just thought Hajime looked like a baby. But he wasn't going to argue with Tohru, no matter who or what she thought Hajime looked like.
"Yes," she said with a smile. "It's long and straight, just like yours." She wished she could reach up and boop it, or touch Hajime's adorably squishy little cheeks. Hold him. Hug him. Do something. But right now, she was dependent on Kyo.
Something else that he could do for her, for now.
Tohru was looking at Hajime like a starving man would look at a meal, such as there was to look at. Before he'd been put back in the bassinet, Hajime had been wrapped up in a blue swaddle, with a little blue hat on his head. She could see his face, but that was about it.
Looking at the hat, Tohru found herself thinking back to her baby shower, remembering her conversation about hair color. And even though she didn't know what she hoped for at this point, she turned to Kyo hesitantly.
"Did he...does he have any hair, Kyo?"
At New Year's, Kyo had told her he'd never thought about passing on his orange hair, because he'd never thought it was possible. But realizing that Hatori's daughter Kinu shared Hatori's icy eyes had made everyone also realize that whatever the original source of their physical traits, the Curse breaking might also have changed them as well.
Tohru had hoped that their son would take after Kyo, until she started to worry what Kyo might feel to see his orange hair on another person. It had always been the Mark of the Cat, his orange hair: physical proof of his especially damned state, and the justification for every Sohma to mistreat and look down on him. Even now, nearly six years beyond the grip of the Curse, she knew he wasn't free from the Cat's baggage.
How would he feel, to see that Mark on any of their children?
But at Tohru's question, Kyo broke out in a big grin. He'd been wondering how long it would take her to ask, and he was thrilled to be the one to be able to show her.
"Yeah, he's got hair, alright." He gently pulled the hat off of Hajime's head, revealing their son's thick shock of dark orange hair, and he heard Tohru catch her breath. She was smiling, but he could see the worry in her eyes as she glanced at Kyo. He'd never told her what he thought about this possibility, because he hadn't known what he thought himself.
Not until he first held Hajime in his arms.
He was looking down at Hajime now, gently running his fingers along his son's hair. It had taken some time, but he was finally ready to answer the question that Tohru was too afraid to ask.
Kyo's voice was soft, and he never looked up once he started talking. "I told you, you know, that I never thought about having an orange haired kid, kinda because of the Curse but mostly because I never thought I'd be able to have a kid. I never thought I'd be free, and I wasn't gonna drag anyone else down with me, no matter what the previous Cat might have done. I thought...that that would be it. Just me, alone, until I died. And then someday, another Sohma kid would be born with orange hair, and they'd have to suffer like me. Like all of us, born with the misfortune of being Cats."
He was still running his hand along Hajime's hair, but his eyes weren't really looking at him. Or at anyone else, or anything else. He was seeing a past, a past where there had been no hope, and a future that had held no promise. No joy.
No life.
But that past was past, and that future...that future was gone. Tossed into the aether, for both Kyo and that future Cat. When that child was born, sometime in the distant future, they would be free, and never have to live their life under the shadow of the Zodiac.
And for Kyo himself...
Kyo was actually looking at Hajime now, and his whole face was shining. "But that's not how it happened, not how any of it happened." He looked up, and his eyes met Tohru's, their amber-red color glowing in the harsh florescent lighting. "You saved me, Tohru, and you loved me. And I don't have to be alone, not ever again. And now everyone will be able to look at Hajime and know that he's my son."
Kyo had new tears running down his face, and his voice was shaky, but strong. "He has orange hair because I have orange hair. Proof that you love me, and my future is with you. And now him," he added, gently planting a kiss on Hajime's forehead.
Tohru was crying, even harder than Kyo. She had hoped the baby would have Kyo's hair, even before she knew she was pregnant. Hoped to see her husband in the child they made, together. But then she had been so very afraid, afraid of what it might do to Kyo to see a trait brought on by the Curse manifested in their child.
She had regretted her hope, but clung to it at the same time.
The pride and ferocity in Kyo's voice when he said 'my son' was almost too much for her to bear. She'd been so nervous about him, back when they started trying to conceive. Worried he wasn't ready, in spite of what he said. And then when it happened so quickly, she'd been really worried; he'd barely had time to get used to the possibility of a child, and then bam! One was already on the way.
But seeing him, sitting there, holding Hajime, she knew she didn't have to worry. Not anymore.
"Good morning, Mr. Sohma!"
Kyo turned to look at the nurse just now stepping out of the nursery, and he smiled at her. "Good morning!" He glanced back through the nursery window, looking at where Hajime was sleeping peacefully in his bassinet. "I came down to see how he was doing," he said almost shyly.
The nurse smiled back at him. "Of course, that's perfectly fine! You're welcome to come check on him whenever, and if you want to bring him back to the room with you, you only have to ask. We've been keeping him to give Mrs. Sohma a chance to sleep, but he can join you two whenever you're ready."
Kyo thought about it for a moment, but the thought of waking Tohru any earlier than he had to felt repugnant. "Could I maybe...hold him out here? Somewhere? My wife is still sleeping, so I don't want to wake her up yet."
The nurse pursed her lips thoughtfully and looked around. "Well, you'd need to sit down, but I think we can find you a spot."
He trailed along after her as she made her way to a small lounge. "Yes, this should work out fine! If you'd like to sit here, Mr. Sohma, I can bring Hajime right over."
"Yeah, that sounds great!" Kyo sat down quickly, feeling the same sense of nervous excitement he'd felt yesterday before holding Hajime for the first time. Even though Kyo had gotten to hold him a lot since, that excited feeling had yet to go away. How long would it take, he wondered, before this all started to feel normal?
"Alright, Mr. Sohma, is there anything else you two need from me right now?
As Kyo carefully lifted Hajime out of his bassinet, he smiled and shook his head. "Nah, I think we're good for now." He touched Hajime's squishy cheek, and chuckled when Hajime sleepily turned his head to nudge at Kyo's hand.
Definitely good for now.