"Ok, so you have your purse and the diaper bag. I have Hajime and the suitcase. Is that really everything? I feel like we've got to be missing something."

Kyo was looking all around their seats as the train started to slide to a halt, and it was making Tohru nervous. In spite of the fact they only had four things, and they both knew they only had four things, seeing Kyo start to second guess himself was making her second guess herself, too.

And they didn't really have time to be doing that right now.

"That's everything, Kyo, really. Purse, diaper bag, suitcase. Baby carrier, of course, but you're wearing that, and baby, too," she said, reaching out and gently booping Hajime's nose. "I actually think we're ready."

Kyo shook his head, closing his eyes and settling back into his seat for the final few moments of their very long day on Japanese public transport. "Thank God, in that case. I can't wait until get to the dojo and I can actually relax, this has been the most stressful trip of my life!"

Tohru could believe that.

It was the end of May, and Tohru and Kyo were headed back to Tokyo for Hanajima's wedding. Tohru was all atwitter; she loved weddings, and she loved her friend. And she was very excited for Hanajima's wedding in particular, which promised to be almost as non-traditional as Tohru and Kyo's own had been traditional. Hanajima and her Italian fiancé, Lorenzo, had put their heads together to figure out which elements of each of their cultures and lives were important, and the result, she'd told Tohru, was sure to be "delightfully unique."

Whatever that meant.

Tohru was one of Hanajima's bridesmaids, along with Arisa, who Tohru still called Uo-chan in spite of her having married Kureno Sohma nearly two years prior. Bridesmaids weren't really a thing in traditional ceremonies and Tohru hadn't had any herself, though both of her friends had been with her the entire day just as if they were. But Tohru was excited to stand up with Hanajima, to see her in her wedding dress, and to support her as she stepped into her new life as Mrs. Mosca.

However, the baby factor certainly complicated things.

Hajime was three and a half months old now, and a very busy boy. He was just as cheerful as ever and just as good of a sleeper as ever, but he'd added giggling, babbling, and rolling to his repertoire of skills and liked to practice them at every opportunity. This was fine where babbling and laughing were concerned, but a whole lot less fine about rolling. Especially when he tried to show off his fun new trick while on the train's changing table!

And just as much as he liked rolling, he hated being stopped from rolling, so the fact he had to be held for the entire trip meant that he'd been rather unhappy for much of the five-and-a-half-hour ride. Vocally so, much to Tohru and Kyo's mutual embarrassment.

Fortunately, the trains hadn't been too crowded, given it was midday on Friday, and if any of their fellow passengers had been upset with Hajime's crying they'd kept it to themselves. But Tohru and Kyo were both very eager to be done with Baby's First Train Trip.

Hajime had settled down by the end, though, and he was in a great mood as the train ground to a stop. That made it a lot easier for Tohru to be calm herself, which in turn made things easier for Kyo. She felt sorry for Kyo, honestly; he had a much harder time dealing with Hajime's public meltdowns.

Once the train stopped, they waited for most of the other passengers in their car to pass them by, then stood up themselves and flowed with the crowd right out onto the platform. It was exactly the same as it had always been; loud, crowded, and bustling. And just like always, Tohru was struck by how very different it was than being back home.

This time, though, she had an excuse to marvel at the differences. Looking at her husband, Tohru smiled, then leaned close to Hajime. "Welcome to Tokyo, baby boy!"

Tohru didn't know if Hajime's giggle was for Tokyo or not, but she'd take it either way. Glancing back up at Kyo, she smiled and declared, "I think he likes it!"

Kyo chuckled, then reached out and took Tohru's free hand in his. "Well, I sure hope so; he's probably gonna be spending a lot of time here."

And he had a point. While the five hundred miles between them meant travel was infrequent, they still came back to Tokyo two to four times a year, typically for several days at a time. And Tohru didn't see that changing too much just because they had kids. She hoped Hajime would come to love the city, just like they did. They might not live here anymore, but it still felt like they were coming 'home' every time they stepped onto the platform.

Time had caused a few key changes, though.

Tohru was the first to notice, and she tugged on Kyo's hand excitedly. "Oh my gosh Kyo, look! Right there!" She pointed excitedly past the turnstiles to the large billboard looming above the street, one sporting an advertisement with a very familiar-looking model.

"Yeah, it's something. I bet we'll be seeing a few more before we're done here, too, so you might as well get used to it."

Tohru shook her head. "It really is amazing, just how much things can change."

The short walk to the dojo went quickly, even with their additional baggage. And it was an exciting moment when they rounded the corner and the Sohma Dojo first came into view; it was Hajime's first time ever being here, the place where his grandpa lived and worked, the place that would someday be Kyo's. There were so many happy memories tied up on the dojo, and neither Tohru or Kyo could wait to start making some more with their son.

Kazuma was waiting for them on a bench in the dojo courtyard, and he stood up with a smile as they walked in through the gate. "And there they are, right on schedule." Walking up to the three of them, he first took Tohru into a hug, then Kyo. Then he stepped back, smiling as he looked down at Hajime in the carrier on Kyo's chest. "And what did my grandson think of his very first trip on the bullet train?"

Kyo lifted Hajime out of the carrier and passed him to Kazuma with a snort. "He thought we sucked because we wouldn't let him roll around on the floor, and he wouldn't stop telling us about it."

"Oh dear," Kazuma said sympathetically, taking Hajime in his arms and looking at him. "You know, Hajime, there's a lot to be said for the virtue of quiet acceptance. But I can't say I'm surprised," as his eyes twinkled towards Kyo, "your father was never all that good at that one, either."

This was the family's first visit to Tokyo, but it wasn't the first time Kazuma had met Hajime. It wasn't even the second! Kazuma had made the trek northwards twice now, able to spend only a couple days at a time but more than willing to make the sacrifice to spend some time with his grandson.

After the initial terrifying rollercoaster of Hajime's birth, it had been a relief to talk to Tohru and Kyo on the phone, then an unadulterated joy to video chat with them and actually see Hajime, moving and breathing. He'd wanted so badly to pick the baby up and hug him, to look at him, to marvel at him. And to marvel at Kyo. He couldn't, of course; not for a while. But seeing him had been an excellent start.

He'd come to Hibe to visit the first time when Hajime was about seven weeks old. They all wished it could have been sooner, but Kazuma couldn't easily get away from the dojo, and Tohru and Kyo were still living downstairs prior to that. Kazuma would have been happy to stay elsewhere, but for the sake of Tohru's comfort they'd all decided it would be easiest to wait until she was fully healed.

When Kyo brought Hajime to Kazuma for the first time, every moment of waiting was worth it. Kyo's face had been so incredibly proud, and so incredibly amazed at the same time; every time Kazuma saw him with Hajime, he'd been struck most of all by those two emotions, always present in Kyo's expression.

Two emotions that Kazuma often felt about his own son.

Holding Hajime that first time had been overwhelming. He was so incredibly small, and so incredibly perfect. Kazuma had never once held a baby before, not in his entire life, and he'd felt a brief, unfamiliar surge of anxiety when Kyo shifted Hajime into his arms. But Hajime had nestled right in, looking up at Kazuma with his big dark eyes, and Kazuma had melted.

This was his grandson.

It had been over three weeks since Kazuma's last visit to Hibe, though, and he was delighted to finally welcome them all to the dojo.

"Do you two want to take your bags over to the house now, or do you want to just leave them here for the time being? I don't actually know what your plans are for today, so you just let me know what you need and I'll do what I can to help."

Before now, Tohru and Kyo had always stayed in a room off of the main dojo courtyard. But now that Hajime was in the picture, the three adults had decided it made more sense for them to stay with Kazuma again, in his house just beyond the dojo. It was a little less private, but would be much quieter and a lot more secure.

Kyo had been hesitant at first. "Are you sure you're ok with us having the baby there, Dad? He can be pretty loud sometimes."

But Kazuma had insisted. "It'll be fine, Kyo, you know what a heavy sleeper I am when I'm actually asleep. And if Hajime does end up waking me, it's not the end of the world. I'll be truly happy to have you all in my home."

At Kazuma's question, Kyo had glanced at Tohru. She was the one who had a schedule this weekend, so he would defer to her on this. "Tohru?"

She thought for a moment. "Well, I have to head out for Hanajima's bachelorette party at 4:30, but there's nothing I need to do before that. Why don't we go put our things in the house now, then we can maybe all visit for a while?"

The two men agreed, and they all trooped through the courtyard and around to Kazuma's house. Kazuma had set them up in Kyo's old bedroom, which made both Kyo and Tohru smile. He'd even set up the bassinet they'd sent down, and unpacked the formula.

"Thank you so much, Master Kazuma, this looks perfect! I'm sure we'll be very comfortable here," Tohru said, looking around with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks Dad. But if it ends up being too loud for you to have us so close, we can always move to another room after tonight," Kyo said, looking around. It was strange; even though he hadn't lived here, or even slept here, for years, just standing in his old room and seeing his old posters on the walls gave him the weirdest feeling of nostalgia. But now he was staying here with his family, wife and son.

Tohru looked over at Kazuma, who was still holding Hajime in the doorway. "I can take him if you're getting at all tired, Master Kazuma!"

But Kazuma shook his head, with a fond smile at Hajime. "No, I'm just fine for now, but thank you. In fact, maybe you could make up a bottle for this young man, Tohru, and I could feed him while you two finish unpacking. We'll just be in the living room."

Tohru was happy to do so, and soon Kazuma disappeared with Hajime, leaving the two of them alone. And she sighed happily, looking at Kyo as she opened their suitcase to take out her dresses. "Master Kazuma is so sweet with Hajime, isn't he? I always knew he was going to be a wonderful grandfather, seeing what a wonderful father he is, but he's somehow managed to exceed even my highest expectations!"

Kyo smiled, lifting his suit out of the suitcase and hanging it up beside Tohru's dresses. "Yeah, he's definitely thrown himself headfirst into the doting grandpa thing, hasn't he?" His voice was a little gruff, but they both knew he was happy. "I figured he would, but I wasn't sure how it would go at first; I don't think Dad's ever really had much to do with babies before now."

"Well, he seems to be a natural," Tohru said as she set up the baby monitor. "I don't think even you were able to feed Hajime so confidently so quickly!"

"Yeah, well, Dad's never had a lack of confidence." Kyo smiled, passing Tohru Hajime's sleeper and then zipping shut the suitcase. "Ok, I think that's everything that needed to be hung up, and everything we needed to set up for Hajime's nap. Think we're good?"

After a quick glance around the room, Tohru nodded. "I think so."

"Ok then." He glanced from Tohru to her hanging dresses, then chuckled. "You know, if I had no idea whose wedding this was, all I'd have to do is look at that dress."

Tohru giggled, walking over to run her hand along the dark lace overlay on her deep purple bridesmaid dress. "I think it looks very much like Hana-chan, and I'm very happy to wear it for her."

Kyo leaned against the wall, looking at her. "Do you ever wish we'd done it more like that, Tohru? With all the people matching, and all our friends and family at the actual wedding part?" When the two of them had gotten married, they'd done a traditional Shinto ceremony. There had been no wedding party, just the two of them, and the only other people present had been Kazuma, Tohru's grandpa, Yuki, Uo, and Hana. They'd had a massive reception afterwards, but the ceremony itself had been private.

And even though Tohru had asked for a traditional wedding, Kyo had wondered, when all was said and done, if she hadn't maybe wanted to have more of a crowd.

But at Kyo's question, Tohru shook her head. "No, I don't. I was glad to have everyone there to celebrate with us, but in the actual moment? I'm glad that it could be small, just me and you without a giant audience. Even a loving one," she said with a smile. "But that was us; I'm glad we could get married the way we wanted, and tomorrow, Hana-chan and Lorenzo will get married the way they want!"

"And you'll be wearing that dress," Kyo said with a chuckle.

"Yes, I will! And just wait until you see Hana-chan's wedding dress, it's absolutely perfect for her!"

Kyo could guess what that meant, and he could only imagine what the rest of the wedding was going to be like, too. "Alright, let's go find Dad and Hajime."

The next hour passed pleasantly for all of them. After Hajime finished his bottle, he was ready for a nap and Tohru took him up to their room to sleep. Then the three adults sat and talked about their journey and the upcoming wedding.

Hanajima had left her job as the dojo's cook over a year prior, but she'd still invited Kazuma to the wedding and he was looking forward to attending. "Miss Hanajima was such an excellent employee, and such a good friend to you, Tohru. I'm looking forward to wishing her and her new husband well on their new adventures together. Do you know what their plans are?"

"Well, Lorenzo will still be working at his family's company, and I believe they plan to stay in the area. The last we talked, Hana-chan wasn't sure if she was going to keep her job or not; I think they still needed to make some decisions." Hanajima's fiancé was from a modestly wealthy family of Italian importers, and he was involved in the distribution side of their business in Tokyo.

It all seemed very complicated to Tohru, in spite of Hanajima's many attempts to explain it to her.

After an hour, Kazuma needed to excuse himself for his next class, and Kyo went with him after checking with Tohru. She told them both to go and enjoy themselves; Kyo always loved the chance to participate in classes whenever they were visiting, and she could easily manage Hajime by herself while he was napping. Even if he wasn't napping, for that matter.

It was a pity she didn't have more time before the bachelorette party; if so, then she would have maybe seen if anyone local would have been able to come by and chat for a little bit. But since she didn't, she set to work making herself useful by cleaning up Hajime's bottle, then the rest of the dirty dishes in the kitchen, then the rest of the kitchen as a whole. Kazuma had many wonderful qualities, but he could definitely be a little scattered when it came to proper kitchen care.

When she was done with the cleaning, she checked the time again. It had been an hour, so Kazuma's class would be finishing soon and she'd need to get going to meet up with her friends.

She probably ought to get dressed.

Silently as a mouse, she crept into their bedroom and slipped out her things for the bachelorette party, then went into the bathroom to change. Uo-chan was in charge of tonight, and she'd been very firm when she told Tohru "we're going to be hitting the town, so make sure you pick something extra-hot!"

At the time, Tohru had laughed, and she'd done her best to choose an outfit appropriate for clubbing that wasn't too immodest. She was a married woman, after all, and she had her own sense of style to consider. But she'd been satisfied with the outfit she'd come up with, a little purple dress (in honor of Hana-chan) with a short skirt, cap sleeves, and just the right amount of cleavage. Kyo had okayed it as well, so she'd felt no qualms about wearing it.

All of this had been planned months ago; she'd actually bought the dress with Uo-chan and Hana-chan last fall, when they'd all met in Fukushima to shop for Hana-chan's bridesmaid dresses. She'd barely been halfway through her pregnancy then, but she'd been optimistic and excited about the party, the dress, and the wedding.

However, getting ready now was a different story.

There had been a lot of things Tohru had had to accept since becoming a mother. She'd had to come to terms with her birth experience being different than she'd hoped, as well as her nursing journey. She'd had to accept that she couldn't have as much control in her life as she used to, and that things around her would necessarily be changing.

Logically, she knew her body was going to be included in that. But there was a difference between 'knowing' and knowing.

She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, eyeing herself with a sigh. She'd spent a lot of time over the past three and a half months looking at herself, trying to put a positive spin on the changes. That was what her therapist had told her to do; reframe things into a better light. She needed to remember what her body had done, how much hard work it had put into growing an entire human being. Her body had done something incredible, and it deserved to be celebrated.

But it was hard to celebrate these changes, she thought sadly. Her c-section scar was still an angry red weal across her lower abdomen, and there was still a depressingly floppy skin pouch above it, covered in purple stretch marks like the rest of her stomach. And above that, her breasts hung as a limp testament to her aborted attempts to nurse. She'd never been extremely confident about her breasts before, but while they'd been small, they'd been perky. Now, they were just...sad.

All of it was sad.

Tohru sighed, shimmying into her underwear. Push-up bras were amazing things, but they only worked when they were worn. And therein lay the crux of the matter, the matter of the biggest problem in her relationship right now; she still wasn't ready to let Kyo touch her, and she felt awful.

Ever since they'd found out Hajime was coming, Kyo had stepped up. Time and time again, he'd proven to be an amazing father, and an amazing husband. He'd pulled her through more crises than she could even count at this point, been at her side in good times and bad. He'd been scared, but he'd shoved that aside so that he could be her rock. And she'd repeatedly assured him that nothing would change between them, just because they had a baby.

How incredibly naïve she'd been.

The two of them had always had insane sexual chemistry. Even in the earliest awkward days of their relationship, a single look or touch had been enough to ignite sparks. As time went on and they became more comfortable with each other, that attraction had only grown. Even during pregnancy, Kyo had repeatedly reassured her how attractive she was, and how incredibly desirable he found her.

And then Hajime was born, and everything got...complicated.

At first, it was simple. She was recovering from childbirth, and she was supposed to rest, up to and including avoiding sex. Fair enough, recovery was important. But after six weeks, when she saw her doctor and was signed off on to return to normal life and normal relations...she still wasn't ready.

At that point, it was primarily her breasts. Only a week had passed since she'd stopped nursing, and her milk was still in the process of going away. Everything was still pretty tender, too. And after fighting so long against the pain and dark thoughts around nursing, the last thing she wanted was anyone else touching her, even in a completely different way.

After another couple of weeks, her milk was gone, and the pain had faded. Therapy had begun to make its improving mark.

At that point, she knew there was nothing physical holding her back any more. Everything was healed, everything was whole. She had her body back, and she no longer had to share any part of it with anyone else. It was hers again, to do with as she wished.

But even so...she was afraid.

Kyo had always made her feel so amazingly beautiful, but that had been before. Then, she had been smooth and whole, not wrinkled, scarred, and floppy. Kyo was more handsome than ever, his body still perfect and pristine; how could he possibly still look at her with the same lustful eyes when she'd taken so much damage?

She didn't mean to keep putting him off, not exactly. And they hadn't actually talked about it, not specifically. But whenever Kyo looked at her too long, she would look away; when he'd try to compliment her, she'd smile awkwardly. If he ever tried to deepen a kiss or linger over a touch she'd pull away, suddenly needing to deal with something else, and he'd always let her go.

The more time went by, the worse she felt. At this point, there was no way Kyo couldn't feel she was avoiding him, but she wasn't ready to open herself up to his judgement, not yet. Even if the last thing on earth he'd ever want to do was hurt her, if she saw disappointment in his eyes when he saw her it would crush her.

As she slipped the purple dress over her head and adjusted it in the mirror, Tohru sighed. She just needed a little bit more time.