Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters in this fan fiction are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. The original characters and plot are the property of Chiaztolite, who is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary of Previous Chapter:Kagome lost all of her memories of time spent in the afterlife, but she dreamt of Sesshōmaru's childhood and as a result, chose to sleep her days away. Inutaisho approached Chikatani to request his memories of Sesshōmaru's childhood, but was declined.
The Way to Elysium
Chapter 23: Irrefutable Distance
Southern Isles – The Kingdom by the Sea
Roughly two thousand years ago
He had found the wounded bird by accident. The weak chirping noise was the first sign that alerted him. It had grown silent when it realized it attracted the attention of a much bigger predator. It was lying underneath a tree in one of the corners of the palace courtyard when he saw it. Immobile, partially hidden amidst the fallen leaves.
Gently, he picked it up. It looked so small lying there on his palm. The bird barely moved at all, as though petrified with fear. There were bleeding bite marks on one of the wings, and the bones looked like they had been broken.
The bird was, however, alive.
He stared at it, comforting it with gentle cooing noises. Then, he closed his hand and felt the bird's immediate struggle within the confine of his fist. Its frantic movements sent a few specks of feathers to float around his hand. He tightened his hold, crushing the bird. He felt the exact moment that tiny fluttering heart erupted, when the lungs collapsed. Every little organ ceased to function. Both wings were now rendered completely still.
Slowly, he opened his balled fist and stared at the crumpled corpse on the centre of his palm. Bones snapped, it looked mangled. Its limbs were contorted in strange, unnatural angles.
Death was never pretty, but he had learned it was sometimes necessary for a better life to start.
He exerted a little of his yōki. Plumes of green energy emanated from his palm, enveloping the carcass of the bird within a dome of light. A thin thread of energy entered the bird through its chest. He narrowed his eyes in concentration, giving its heart a tiny little jolt, almost like the flick of two fingers when one brushed a ladybug off a sleeve.
The whole process of repair and resurrection took only a few seconds. Now, the bird was energetically hopping on his palm, gently pecking, as though searching for food. It straightened and tilted its head sideways when it heard the calls of other birds from elsewhere. Not wasting any time, it flapped its wings and took flight. He watched the little bird flew away; the maimed wing was now as good as new. Chirping happily, it joined a family of birds high up on the tree.
He flexed his hand to rid his fingers of that numbness he usually experienced after he utilized his yōki for such purpose. For a long time now, he had realized he could give life as easy as he could take it away. The life of little creatures, at least. Insects, small birds, and small animals the size of a rabbit were simple enough to resurrect.
Sometimes he wondered: could he do the same to a person?
"How did you do that?"
The voice of a young female prompted him to turn around. How interesting it was that he did not sense her presence until she spoke, as though she had perfected the art of blending into the shadows.
The female looked as young as she sounded. Younger than him, to be sure, and he was barely in the cusp of boyhood himself. She was dressed richly in pale-coloured silks, as was the custom of the court ladies. In shades of pink and jade and lavender. Her face was strikingly beautiful, even in the eyes of someone who had witnessed multitudes of fine females parading in and out of court. Magenta markings adorned her high cheekbones, resembling delicate wings painted by the finest brush. The nobility stamp of the deep purple crescent moon was on her forehead.
He had never seen her before. Certainly not at court. He had the funniest feeling that if they had encountered each other previously, he would not forget her. She and her family must have very recently moved into the palace. It happened all the time. As old ministers retired, new ones were appointed to replace them. An influx of fresh blood to invigorate the cabinet. Their families too, moved into the palace with them and attended court.
He turned away, ignoring her question, and exited the courtyard through the stone steps that would lead him back to the palace. He could feel her eyes on his back, the gentle prod of her curiosity. Sighing, he stopped his ascent to the top of the steps and turned his head, just enough to catch her form at the corner of his vision.
"What is your name?" He asked her.
She startled, then quickly dropped onto her knees. Layers of multicoloured silk were piled on the ground like heaps of flower petals.
"It is Hinamori, Prince Zetsubōmaru," she said, her face was now obscured by the veil of silver hair. The sun shone brightly on her, rendering the pale colour of her tresses nearly white.
So, she knew who he was, he noted with mild amusement. He proceeded to climb the rest of the steps to return to the cool, sheltered interior of the palace.
As he strode down the corridor, a voice from deep within whispered to him; the softly spoken words were surprising enough to stop him in his track:
'She is the one…'
… …
"My King."
The voice close to his ear had Zetsubōmaru opening his eyes and bringing him back to the present. The vision of the past receded, replaced by the grandeur of the assembly hall at the Southern Isles palace.
"Inu no Taisho and his army have returned from the North, my King," the same servant intoned in a low voice before he retreated from the throne.
Zetsubōmaru fixated his eyes on the massive double doors which had been opened to let two male inuyōkai to enter the hall. The spacious chamber echoed with the sounds of two pairs of booted feet striding across its length. The Great Dog General had returned. A foot soldier tailed behind him, carrying a large wooden box.
They both lowered themselves to their knees and pressed their foreheads onto the floor.
"My King," the current Inutaisho greeted, and lifted his forehead one small inch. "My army and I have returned triumphant from the North, and bearing a gift. We pray it is to your taste."
He signalled the foot soldier to come forward and place a wooden box on the floor a distance away in front of the King's feet. Silently, the soldier opened the lid and presented its content to their liege.
A decapitated head lay within the wood box. Blood had gradually leaked out of the severed neck and soaked the bottom panel. It started to form a small puddle of red underneath the box, staining the gleaming floor of the assembly hall.
With a small smile on his lips and his head propped on one fist, the King dispassionately observed the head, noting the black facial markings and the black crescent moon on its forehead. The lifeless eyes that remained open were the colour of dull green.
The King's smile widened a touch.
"A fine gift indeed, Inutaisho." He waved a hand, signalling for the box to be taken away. Another servant rushed over to mop the floor, eliminating all traces of blood. The surface was pristine and gleaming once more.
"You have done well," the Zetsubōmaru declared as he appraised the kneeling inuyōkai. "The entire kingdom celebrates your victory over the Northerners. Tonight, General, all the lights in the palace burn for you and your soldiers."
The King's declaration was greeted with rapturous applause from the members of the court. Inu no Taisho: The Great Dog General, who was also Kōtaishi: The Crown Prince Hakuryū, inclined his head in a display of gracious acceptance.
The King stood and descended his throne, passing through the numerous ministers and other courtiers. When he reached the kneeling General, he motioned with his fingers.
"Come out with me to the courtyard, my son."
Crown Prince Hakuryū rose to his feet and followed his father outside. It was nighttime already; the sky had darkened into deep indigo, splattered with a myriad of sparkling stars. A perfect crescent moon, like the symbol on their foreheads, hung large above them.
"With the East, and now the North under our feet, it is only fitting that we set our eyes onto the West," Zetsubōmaru stated calmly.
"Is it finally time? Father, you have left the West untouched for seven-hundred years." Hakuryū left a pregnant pause. "I often wonder why."
"You wonder why I have not mobilized to eliminate your cousin?"
"I wonder if you would allow me to be the one to kill the mongrel," Hakuryū replied.
Zetsubōmaru smiled. "I have a very special plan for Sesshōmaru. Do not concern yourself with him. At least, not at this point."
Hakuryū narrowed his eyes. "You do not have faith that I can defeat him?"
The King let out a short huff of laughter. "Nothing of the sort. If Sesshōmaru proves to be a disappointment to me, you can dispose him as you wish." He studied his eldest son silently for a moment.
"I have full faith in your abilities," he told Hakuryū. "Your blood is the finest in all the lands. With two tails under your belt, and working on your third, your skills and prowess are matchless. You only need to continue to follow my guidance. One day, all this will be yours, and you will continue my work on ensuring the dynasty of pure-blooded inuyōkai reigns supreme."
Tilting his head to the side, he continued to observe Hakuryū.
"My son. A dynasty requires a string of successors. I would feel much more secure going into the next war knowing an heir is on his way. The Minister of Internal Affairs informed me he had proposed to you several prospects for a mate. All pure-blooded female inuyōkai from influential families, all pleasing in form and temperaments. Did any of them move your beast?"
"No," Hakuryū said.
"Hmm. Remember that this is also part of your duty. An important part, which will require the full weight of your attention. Soon. Perhaps, as soon as we return from the West."
Hakuryū flash his father a look of surprise. "We are going to the West?"
Zetsubōmaru chuckled softly. "I had an epiphany, just a moment ago. Perhaps, it is high time to pay my nephew, your cousin, a visit. It will be a happy family reunion, of sort."
Hakuryū did not respond.
The second prince, Kanemaru, had come out to the courtyard to join them just as their father began to walk back towards the palace. He passed his youngest son without a word, without any sign of acknowledgement, and the latter flinched imperceptibly.
Hakuryū watched the lack of exchange from the sideline and waited until their father disappeared inside the palace before he approached his brother. Kanemaru did well hiding the dismay he must have felt at their father's indifference. When he looked at Hakuryū, there was no disappointment written on his face. Only questions.
"Ani-ue. Did Father explain why he left the West alone for seven centuries? After Uncle Tōga was killed, the region was ripe for the taking. We could have—"
"Kanemaru, it is not our place to question Father's plans. When he needs something done, he will order us to do so."
Hakuryū went to clasp his younger brother on the shoulder. "You only have to do as you are told. As it is, we will face them before too long. Be ready."
Southern Isles - The King's Elysium
Waves crashed upon the shore, leaving behind frothy foam that crawled upon the white sands before the next surge came and washed it all away. The colour of the ocean was uncharacteristically dark, as though a tempest was brewing, and the sea adapted to prepare for it. The sky, however, was still blue and cloudless. Seagulls soared high, echoing each other's cries.
The King stood, sword in hand, silently watching his grandson as the latter fell down onto one knee, panting with exertions. The wind blew and tousled their hair and their pelts; silver and white swaying in the breeze.
Bakusaiga lay discarded near Sesshōmaru's hand that was splayed on the sand. The faint aquamarine glow of his yōki still remained on the blade, crackling and sizzling before it gradually vanished.
"I do not understand," Sesshōmaru said between each heavy breath. "Something is different. What is… happening to me?"
The King studied the bent head of his grandson in silence. He wished it had not come to this, yet it had.
"There are definite signs of regression," the King replied with a heavy voice.
Sesshōmaru looked up. "Regression?"
Kaien-Ō nodded. "Your concentration, skills, and stamina are not where they were before, when you visited the first time. Even your aura is nowhere as significant." He narrowed his eyes. "Do you know why that is so?"
Sesshōmaru grabbed Bakusaiga and heaved himself off of the sand.
"Because my beast is refusing to work with me."
The existence of the beast was paramount to a yōkai. Every yōkai had one inside him, or her, and they needed to work together to gain power. There was a constant exchange of energy between the yōkai and the beast, a circle of continuous trade. One part of the yōkai must feed the other, and vice versa, with the goal of having all moving parts working together in conjunction. As one. Thus, when one part was damaged, or not optimal, it would affect the rest. And when the beast was the part that was damaged…
"Sesshōmaru. Do you know what is the most important mark of a daiyōkai?"
His grandson shook his head.
"A daiyōkai is a yōkai who has managed to 'tame' his or her inner beast and live in complete harmony with it. When a yōkai lives as one with the beast, fully united, the possibility for strength is infinite. Power, skills and abilities, even titles, would come after. But first, the yōkai and the beast need to synchronize."
The King returned his sword to its sheath. "Your answer was correct. At the moment, you are at odds with your beast. You need to repair that connection before you can become stronger."
Sesshōmaru might appear composed on the surface, but that tick in his jaw betrayed the turbulence he must be experiencing inside. "I will make it so," he gritted out. "By force, if need be."
The King sighed inwardly. He had feared this. His grandson's stubbornness to see the true answer of the problem could be detrimental to his progress. Was this to be a repeat of his error with Tessaiga, mistaking his father's blade as the key to his quest to defeat Zetsubōmaru when all along he should have focused more on expanding himself?
"Sesshōmaru. Address the root of the issue," he counselled. "You cannot beat your beast into submission; it is not meant to be that way. You must find a way to work with it, and to live with it. In harmony. Only then will you unlock your true potential."
"In harmony…" Sesshōmaru parroted, looking down at the hands that had blistered and bled, which remained as such even with his rapid regenerative ability. Every time they healed, he grabbed onto Bakusaiga's handles and reopened the wounds once more. It had been an endless series of gruelling mock battles with his grandfather. All of which he had lost, quite devastatingly.
Sesshōmaru knew he was gradually unraveling. He constantly felt as though he was trying to catch something that kept slipping out of his hands. Like trying to scoop water with a cup full of holes.
The voices of the beast had dimmed; its presence gradually fading. For days it had prowled, rattling at the cage, demanded that theywent to see her. To win her back. And for just as long, he squashed the beast's urges. Which was essentially his own urges.
Now, his wish for peace and quiet had been granted. His beast had grown silent. At first, he had been relieved. Now, he realized the quieting of the beast meant it was leaving him. Turning its back on him. Perhaps even committing its own death.
The King's voice pulled him out of his own musings.
"You need to make peace with your beast, somehow. Before it is too late." The King paused and stared at him with inscrutable expression. "You need not return before then."
Sesshōmaru was left on the beach, staring at his grandfather's back as the elder daiyōkai walked away. He stayed until the figure of the King became extremely small and disappeared in the distance. All the while, the words kept resounding in his head:
Make peace with the beast…
He clenched his teeth again.
How would he do so without bringing Kagome into it?
Inuyasha's Village – The Plains of Musashi
Kagome curled up under her blanket, lost in the world of dreams, or memories, or both as she descended further and further into sleep.
It had been Children's Day for the inuyōkai of the Southern Isles. All the pups were in their best clothes, gathering at the courtyard with their parents, laughing and enjoying the festivities. Sesshōmaru stood on the sideline, alone, just watching. His grandfather, the King, was present too, though he stood far away on the other side of the courtyard. His eyes, though concerned, softened when they landed on his youngest grandson from time to time.
Sesshōmaru did not stay for long. He strode back to his room, hurt and angry.
"Chikatani. Do not lie to me anymore," young Sesshōmaru said as soon as the door to his chambers was closed. "I forbid it."
Chikatani's feelings flooded into Kagome's chest. Even without explanation, Chikatani knew Sesshōmaru was referring to the fairy tale he had made up when the young master was missing his parents too much.
"I am sorry, Young Master," Chikatani said. "I didn't mean to lie to you. I just—"
Sesshōmaru's face as he looked back at Chikatani made Kagome's heart clenching in pain. It was almost like he had grown up within the span of a few minutes.
Chikatani's fabricated fairy tale had been about Princess Yōhime and the Dog General travelling across the lands: North, East, West, in search for the most precious treasure, only to realize the greatest treasure of all had been their own son they had left behind. In the end, after the epic adventure and the epiphany that followed, they circled back to the South and were reunited as a family, and lived together happily ever after.
It had been a sweet, touching, heart-warming bedtime story.
If only it was true.
The story, crafted to make Sesshōmaru believe that his parents would one day come for him, perhaps hurt him the most. It gave him false hope. It had worked a wonder when he was a little older than an infant. He ate it up, fully believing his parents would return as soon as they finished their adventures. But, as soon as he had grown into an intelligent, intuitive young pup, he realized the bitter truth: his parents never returned, and would never do so.
Up until Chikatani's death at the end of the memories, they never once showed up. The recollection of a blade piercing her throat still made her queasy at times. But, the sight of young Sesshōmaru prone on the ground, being pinned down by his uncle, was even more unbearable. The vision never failed to send a cold shiver down her spine.
And then, there were his cousins, the two princes: Hakuryū and Kanemaru.
The elder of the two, Prince Hakuryū, had been Sesshōmaru's most feared tormentor. He was cruel, ruthless, and frighteningly accurate with the aim of his whip. Those eyes, full of hatred, made Kagome tremble even in sleep.
A loud, shrill voice outside of her hut pierced the thick fog of slumber. Faintly, she realized it was Jaken's voice as he conversed with Rin somewhere nearby.
"Rin, Sesshōmaru-sama is coming to see you later today."
"Ehhh? Why can't he come now?"
"He's away on some important business, you ungrateful girl! He's been extremely busy, you're lucky he's even coming!"
Kagome cracked her eyes open, blinking slowly to take in her surroundings. The interior of the hut was dark, but she saw bright rays of sun streaming in through the gaps between the wood boards, and the sliver of opening on the bottom of the door. It was the middle of the day.
Sesshōmaru… Sesshōmaru is coming?
For the first time in three days, she stirred and sat up on her futon. Her mind and body felt sluggish after being idle for so long. Her limbs were awfully stiff as she struggled to get herself on her own two feet. As soon as she stood up, the room spun around her. She had to hold onto the corner of a table to keep herself from collapsing into a heap on the ground.
She felt weak and dizzy. Supposedly three days of sleeping and inactivity would do that to anyone. As quickly and as efficiently as she could, she performed her ablutions, donned a fresh pair of her miko uniform, and ran a comb through her hair.
For the first time in three days, Kagome left her hut. The moment she opened her door, the sun nearly blinded her. It took some time for her eyes to adjust. When she was able to see without squinting, she saw Rin was still nearby, arranging some items inside a basket.
"Kagome-sama, you're awake!" Rin greeted, looking very happy to see her up and about. "Everyone is very worried about you."
Kagome stretched her lips into a smile. Her face felt stiff, wooden. Her lips were dry and cracked, like the rough bark of an old tree. She felt it splitting. With the tip of her tongue, she wet her lower lip and tasted blood.
"Good day, Rin," she said to the girl. Gods, it even hurt to smile. "What do you have there?"
"It's a gift for Sesshōmaru-sama," she said. "He's coming later. I always give him a basket whenever he comes to visit."
Rin lifted her basket proudly. Kagome took a peek and saw it contained a couple of freshly caught fish from the river and a few slices of preserved game meat. Perhaps venison, or wild boar, that the villagers caught and all the residents shared.
"They look great," Kagome told her, smiling. "But, Rin, your Sesshōmaru-sama does not eat fish or meat unless it is the night of the full moon. I think it's better that you pack him some greens and root vegetables."
Rin, mouth slightly parted, stared at her with surprise. "But… Kagome-sama, how do you know? Rin travelled with Sesshōmaru-sama for a few years and he never mentioned anything like that. Jaken-sama doesn't seem to know either."
It was not until the young girl questioned her knowledge that Kagome stopped to wonder: How did she know?
This nugget of information was not in the memories of his childhood. And yet, she knew it just as well as she knew her own preferences. How?
"Yeah, Kagome. How do you know that?"
Inuyasha's voice startled her. His tone carried an edge she did not often hear from him, so she knew how much this affected him.
"Inuyasha," she said, turning around to face his fiancé fully. He was standing not far behind her. His arms were folded against his chest; his golden eyes bored into hers.
"I don't know how," she said, keeping her tone gentle. "I just… know it. I am sorry I cannot tell you any more than that."
He studied her silently for a long time.
"You know what I find really weird, Kagome? You said you don't remember anything, but all of a sudden you know this intimate tidbit about him."
She did not know what to say that she had not told him before, so she kept her silence.
He observed her for a few seconds longer before he sighed and shook his head. "I'm glad you're awake," he said as he swivelled around and walked away.
Kagome watched him putting more and more distance between them. Her chest ached to see him like this. She knew his insecurities were ravaging him from the insides. If only she knew the right thing to say. But what could she say to comfort him when her memory was full of holes, and she could no longer distinguish left from right? Could she truly say nothing happened in the afterlife, when she herself did not know it to be true?
How could she explain the decades, if not centuries-worth of memories pertaining to Sesshōmaru's childhood that were suddenly dumped into her head?
How could she explain this urgency, this need to see Sesshōmaru? What was this anxious feeling that she could not chase away, especially when she was awake and not seeing him in her dreams? It was like a gaping hole in her heart that could only be filled by his presence. Even now, she longed to go back to her hut and close her eyes, surrender herself to sleep and the world of dreams once more.
So she could see him again.
Was it right for her to marry Inuyasha when she was so unsure of everything, most importantly of her own feelings?
But— would she hurt him even more by not marrying him?
Her head ached like the devil himself had taken up residence in the back of her skull. She felt like crying again. Tears were already brimming in her eyes, spiking her lashes and blurring her vision.
Kagome could not wait to be back within the shelter of her hut. She staggered towards the door, holding onto the wood boards on the exterior wall for support.
Something vital was missing in her life, and she wished she knew what it was.
Sango and Miroku found Sesshōmaru just as he had come out from the deep parts of the woods. It had been a perfect coincidence. They had never set up a time to meet, but there they were: standing at the clearing just outside of the forest not far from the village, as though by agreement.
"Sesshōmaru, can we please speak to you?" Sango asked. She had Hisui on her back, who thankfully had fallen asleep at some point during their walk from the village to the woods. Kin'u and Gyokuto were prowling somewhere nearby.
The daiyōkai was silent. But he stopped, and did not move away.
"I don't know if you've heard," Sango continued. "Kagome has been sleeping a lot since she came back. In fact, she has not come out of her hut since she returned."
"Inuyasha told me as much," Sesshōmaru said.
It was difficult to decipher what the daiyōkai was really thinking. Enigmatic as always, he maintained his impassive mask.
"We are just wondering if you know what might have caused her to be this way," Miroku said. "This is so unlike her. Though you were not an active part of our group, you must know she possess a bright, cheerful temperament."
"So I have noted," Sesshōmaru said after a few beats of silence.
"So… is there anything… you can tell us? About why she is the way she is now?" Sango prodded.
The daiyōkai was giving off an aura that was even more tense, more quiet, and more eerie than usual.
"Nothing," he replied.
"I see," Sango muttered. "What about the time on your mother's terrace when Inuyasha embraced her…"
"And kissed her," Miroku chimed in helpfully.
"Why did we sense a large amount of yōki flaring out from your direction? It didn't seem like nothing."
Sesshōmaru was silent for a long time before he heaved a deep sigh.
"Your offspring are on my fur," he informed them flatly.
Sango and Miroku craned their necks to check, and just as the daiyōkai had said, Kin'u and Gyokuto were rolling about on the tail part of the dog demon's soft white pelt.
"They're fine there, leave them be," Sango said, a rather firm tone in her voice, relieved now that her two other children were occupied enough that they could not endanger themselves. Sesshōmaru arched a brow, the slightest hint of surprise, and flashed Miroku a look. But the monk could only raise his shoulders in a sheepish shrug.
"The point is," Sango continued, ignoring the daiyōkai's obvious discomfort that two human children were now slobbering all over his pristine white fur. "She is unhappy. If you know what could pull her out of this melancholia, I suggest you go to her."
"She is getting married. To Inuyasha." His tone was flat, as though he was merely stating an inconsequential fact.
"She looks and behaves more like a widow mourning a dead husband than a bride in the brink of happiness," Sango said bluntly. "What causes her to be so mournful, I don't know. It's almost like she left her heart somewhere in the afterlife. Just wondering if perhaps you picked it up."
"Picked it up?" Sesshōmaru echoed.
"I know it's rather a far stretch to even entertain the thought that in sixteen hours, you and Kagome had developed a bond strong enough to cause her to be this way…"
"It was more than sixteen hours," Sesshōmaru intercepted. "It was closer to three weeks. Or even one month. It seems that time passes differently in the afterlife."
Sango arched her brows as she and Miroku exchanged a quick glance. It did not escape their attention that Sesshōmaru did not deny that something had happened between him and Kagome.
It certainly begged an explanation, and Sango would give up a lot of things if only she could find out the full story of what had transpired between her friend and this cold, unfeeling daiyōkai. Inuyasha's half-brother. The enigmatic Sesshōmaru-sama. Her hands itched. She wished she could shake it out of him, but there was no telling what he would do if she dared to lay a hand on him.
When he next spoke, the question was surprising enough, but the tone was even more so.
"What would you have me do?"
He sounded… wearied. Mentally exhausted. Like someone who had grappled with a problem for so long that he would do anything to put an end to it.
Sango felt a tug at her heartstrings. Her tone gentled as she tried to persuade the daiyōkai once more to involve himself where Kagome was concerned.
"Sesshōmaru. If you feel strongly about her, won't you go to her? See if there is anything you can do to… help her?"
His golden eyes narrowed. "Is that not Inuyasha's purview, considering he is her intended?"
"Inuyasha is—" Sango paused. "He's… dealing with his own issues."
"Issues."
"They… Well, they got into an argument the day she returned. They haven't really talked since."
His silence deepened. He had never been a talkative one to begin with. But now, his eerie silence and his impenetrable gaze had climbed up to a new level.
Miroku decided to try something different. "Well, sure. If you're really alright with giving her up, Sesshōmaru, we'll ask Inuyasha to go and comfort her. Since they're about to be married, surely he can figure out some intimate way to get her out of this vale of shadows." He ended it with a little laugh.
There was a flash of something in his golden eyes that very closely resembled anger. Or rage. It nearly made Miroku take a step back, just in case Sesshōmaru felt compelled to pull out Bakusaiga for a swing or two. Could they have pushed him too close to the threshold?
But— perhaps he would risk his life and push the daiyōkai just a little bit more.
"You know, in the event that two males desire the same female, it should be the lady's choice," the monk said.
At that one key word, Sesshōmaru perked up.
"Choice?" He repeated.
"Precisely," Miroku confirmed. "Kagome-sama should be able to choose who she wants to be with: you, or Inuyasha."
Sesshōmaru said nothing more, but he seemed to be taking the monk's words into great consideration. Still, Sango and Miroku could not interpret his silence, or his wooden expression.
"Get your brood off my fur," he finally said.
This time, his tone brook no argument. Miroku picked up on the hint of steel, and he rushed to lift Kin'u and Gyokuto off the daiyōkai's pelt, though the younger of the twins refused to let go of a handful of soft furs. At first. It took a bit of coaxing, for which Sesshōmaru, surprisingly, stood still without complaint until Miroku managed to cajole the toddler into unfurling her grubby little fingers and release the part of the daiyōkai's tail she had become so fond of.
The moment she started to wail, however, Sesshōmaru decided he had reached his limits and flew away, leaving the monk and the slayer on the ground, staring at him as he soared higher and higher into the sky.
When the daiyōkai had disappeared from view, the couple looked at each other.
"I think it's safe to say that something did happen," Sango said, giving her husband a rather triumphant, arched look that almost said 'I told you so'.
The Palace in the Sky – Izayoi's Elysium
Tōga saw Izayoi as soon as he reached halfway up the steps to the main terrace. She was pacing back and forth; the long sleeves of her twelve-layered robe fluttered like the wings of a butterfly each time she turned around to march the other way. Once in a while, she would press her knuckles to her lips, murmuring to herself.
"Oh, there you are!" She gushed the moment her eyes found him on the steps. She appeared visibly agitated. "Where were you? I've been looking for you everywhere."
"I took a stroll along the boardwalk by the lily pond," he told her when he reached the top of the steps. He observed her flushed face. "Izayoi, what is the matter?"
"Yōhime's father," she said in a lowered voice. "He is here."
"The King is here?"
She chewed on her lower lip and nodded. "I asked him to wait in the courtyard by the crimson plum blossoms. He has been waiting for a while. Go. Quickly."
Tōga rushed to the spot. Just as Izayoi had mentioned, the King was standing there, staring at the crimson plum blossom trees that were blooming profusely, waiting.
"This palace," the King began to speak as soon as he sensed Tōga's presence. "Was it built to your taste?"
"It was built according to Yohime's design," Tōga replied. Then, after a pause, he added: "With my input, very minimally."
"There are flowers everywhere, I feel like I am being chased by them wherever I look."
Tōga nearly chuckled, but he maintained his serious mien. "Yōhime is very fond of crimson plum blossoms."
The King turned to face him. "No doubt you wonder why I came all this way to the realm of your mistress. I would not have come if the matter is not so dire. We need to discuss Sesshōmaru."
Tōga arched his brows. "Of course." He gestured an invitation for the King to walk with him. They fell into steps together as they strolled around the courtyard. "I hope his training with you is going well."
"That is precisely what I would like to discuss," the King replied. "You may not be aware that in order to bring the miko Kagome back to life, the Death God had decreed her to drink from the river of Oblivion, thus erasing her memories of the time spent in the afterlife."
"That means… all her memories with Sesshōmaru—"
"Have been erased, yes," the King completed the former General's words. One of his eyebrows lifted into a gentle arch. "And she has now gone back to be with your other son."
Tōga sighed inwardly. Another complicated love triangle, he thought. He recalled Izayoi counselling the miko Kagome and urged her to follow her heart before they departed this realm. He supposed it was all forgotten now.
"You have seen Sesshōmaru and Kagome together," King Kaien said. "Here, in this realm. Tell me what you saw."
"I saw a woman… in love. And he—" Tōga paused. "My King, he had fed her his blood. When Limos put them both under the torture of unbearable hunger, he sustained her with his blood."
The King undoubtedly understood the importance of the giving of the blood to one's mate. It was bonding, and not to be taken lightly.
"I see," the King commented grimly. "So, that is why his condition is this bad."
"This bad? My King, what do you mean exactly—"
"Sesshōmaru has decided to live his life apart from her. He is denying his beast their mate."
"And this causes his beast to withdraw from him," Tōga concluded. The King nodded.
"Tōga, what do you think happens to a yōkai who has been abandoned by his own beast?"
"I do not know. I never thought such a thing is possible."
"He dies," the King said. "It is simply impossible for a yōkai to live without the beast."
This news prompted Tōga to halt his steps. He was shocked, and crestfallen, to hear the King's words.
"My King, are you telling me Sesshōmaru is dying?"
"Not just yet," the King replied gravely. "But the last time I saw him, his yōki was significantly less than before. It is not a good sign." He continued to walk; Tōga following behind him. "I had to put a stop to his training so he could conserve his yōki. He might need it in the coming days, as he begins to produce less and less energy. Eventually, if his beast continues to withdraw, he will be left with no yōki at all. No flow of energy. No means to generate or sustain a life force. And then, he will wither and die."
"No. I simply cannot accept this. For my son, the daiyōkai of the west to— "
"He is barely a daiyōkai at the moment," the King intercepted in somber voice.
The King's words plunged Tōga into a deeper state of shock. "Sesshōmaru… is barely a daiyōkai?"
"He is not united with the beast, and therefore he is in a weakened state. I advised him to repair the connection. But, even now, I believe he tries to find a way around it instead of facing the issue head on."
"You mean he refuses to fight for his mate?"
The King nodded. "I wonder if you might go to the living realm and counsel him. Encourage him to follow the beast's lead. Immediately."
Inutaisho fell into silence; he slowed down his steps until he stopped completely. "Would he even listen to me, his own father," he mused aloud. "When I have proved a disappointment to him in so many ways?"
The King too stopped walking and sighed. "Tōga. You want to be a better father to your son? Here is your chance. Go to him and try to save his life. My goodness. Must I do everything myself?"
His father-in-law's words might cow a lesser male. Tōga, however, felt revitalized by the rebuke, even when it was delivered with no little amount of aggravation from the King. Immediately, he realized: he was given a precious opportunity to play a crucial role in Sesshōmaru's life, just when his son was standing at a fork on the road and was about to choose the wrong path.
"I will visit Yōhime and have her send Sesshōmaru a message. Ask him to come to her palace," Tōga decided. "I will do everything in my power to steer him to the right direction."
The King nodded, looking a little more pleased. "That is precisely what I would like to hear."
By the end of their discussion, they had circled back to the place where they started. When they neared the rows of the crimson plum blossom trees, they both saw Izayoi waiting for them.
"Kaien-Ō," she said as she approached them with a rather shy, uncertain smile on her face. "What about a cup of tea before you leave?"
Tōga waited with bated breath as his father-in-law kept his silence for a long time. King Kaien was a daiyōkai of the ancient times, when the delineation between humans and yōkai was clear and unbridgeable. Would he deign to sit at the same table as a human, not to mention the human woman who was the lover of his own daughter, and the mistress of that daughter's mate? It was a complicated relationship, and Tōga feared the King would refuse based on principals alone. He only hoped Izayoi would not be too hurt by the rejection.
"I have not had tea with anyone for over two centuries," King Kaien finally spoke. "I welcome the opportunity to experience hospitality again. Tea would be superb. Thank you, Lady Izayoi."
Izayoi beamed at the King and rushed away to have tea prepared. Tōga waited until his consort was out of earshot before he turned to his father-in-law.
"Thank you, my King," he said, inclining his head in gratitude. "For being courteous to Izayoi."
"Hnn. Firstly, I have a soft spot for anyone who has a soft spot for any of my children," the King said. Then, he gave Inutaisho a sideway glance. "I suppose that includes you."
Tōga felt his cheeks warming up, so he inclined his head and let the king walked ahead of him, following Izayoi's trail.
"Secondly, did you think I came all the way from my own realm only to be rude to a woman? What do you take me for?"
The former Dog General could only smiled sheepishly as he joined the King and Izayoi for tea.
Inuyasha's Village – The Plains of Musashi
Although it physically pained Sesshōmaru to be within the boundary of the village, he went anyway. Because he knew Rin was waiting for him. The sight of the girl's joyous face when she saw him helped soothe the raw wounds. That was the case, until he realized she only wanted to chatter about the things which she contributed for the miko's wedding to Inuyasha. Which preparation, apparently, was still underway.
The girl was involved with the bride's trousseau. She was trusted with the important task of embroidering the obi of the bridal kimono. She was also helping with the wedding feast, with putting together the decorations throughout the village. She was also involved with…
Sesshōmaru found himself quite good at zoning out the incessant chatter, all the while still staring at her, as though he was listening with rapt attention. After some time, however, enough was enough. He knew from firsthand experience that when Rin started speaking, she could be unstoppable.
Which meant he needed to put a stop to it, lest he would be standing there, in pain, for indeterminate amount of time.
"Rin," he interjected her chatter. "Is there anything you require for your life in the village? Supplies or paraphernalia?"
"No, Sesshōmaru-sama," she said, smiling wide. "Rin has everything she needs."
"Very well," he said. "Then, I will leave you now. Be a good girl, and do not cause any trouble."
Rin handed him a basket, as she usually did whenever he visited her, despite him telling her numerous times that he did not require provisions. He looked down and noticed many things were different this time. Very different. Staring at the contents of the basket, he saw burdock root, lotus root, mountain yam, bamboo shoots, and shisho leaves. All the things he could actually eat around this time of the month.
"Rin, stop." The girl stopped and turned around.
"Where is the usual offering of fish and dried meats?"
"Well… Rin had them in the basket before. But then, Rin found out Sesshōmaru-sama doesn't even eat fish or meat unless it's the night of the full moon." The girl gave him a little pout. "Why did you never tell Rin or Master Jaken about this, Sesshōmaru-sama? If you did, we would've been able to take care of you better."
Sesshōmaru ignored the girl's question. "Who informed you?" He asked, even though he did not need to. There was only one person he had ever told. One person.
"Miko-sama did."
The wind carried her scent to his nose before the rest of his senses caught up. The whiff of mandarin peels was subtle, but unmistakable. She was behind him. Not far, if judging by the way his beast suddenly stirred at the slightest hint of her presence.
"Sesshōmaru." Her soft voice reached his ears. "Can I speak to you for a moment?"
He straightened and turned around. The first sight of her, after three days, was staggering. She looked… pale and gaunt. She had lost weight even further. Her miko uniform were loose on her.
"Umm…In private. Please?" She added.
"As you wish, miko."
Sesshomaru led her out of the village and into the woods, just far enough to be out of hearing range of anyone who might be curious. He stopped when they were surrounded by tall bamboo trees with no one else in sight.
"You wanted to speak," he said to her. "Now, speak."
"Sesshōmaru…"
He did not know if the whisper of his name on her lips was a benediction or a curse. It caressed him nonetheless, making him realize how much he had missed her calling his name.
He steeled himself.
"I want to know," Kagome continued as she wrung her hands. Her anxiety was palpable. "What exactly happened in the afterlife? Did something—" She paused in hesitation, her teeth chewing on her lower lip. "Did something happen… between us?"
Us. There had been 'us'. There could have been 'us'. But there was no more 'us'.
Still, he was… curious.
"You do not recall anything?" He asked her back.
She shook her head. "No, nothing."
"Then— what drove you to inform Rin about the types of food I find acceptable for consumption on an ordinary time of the month?"
"I… I'm not sure. When I saw her packing fish and meat in the basket, I just thought… I just felt it was wrong."
Sesshōmaru was not sure what to think of that. He had mentioned the particulars of his diet to her when they sat together somewhere in Asphodel Meadows, sharing a slice of jerky, on their quest to find his father. He did not expect out of everything he had told her, out of everything they had been through together, this was what retained in her memory.
"You see, I don't actually remember anything that happened in the afterlife," she said. "But I came back with… with additional memories."
"Additional memories?" He repeated. What could she mean by that? "Speak plainly, miko."
"Somehow, I have acquired memories of your childhood. In a palace by the ocean."
Forehead creased, he shook his head. "It is impossible. There is no way you would know anything about my childhood."
"But, I do—"
He refused to believe it. "No. You know nothing about me. You never will."
Even the mere possibility was too much for him to cope with. He turned away from her. Just as he was about to fly away, she spoke out loud, stopping him mid-stance just before he took flight:
"'Once upon a time, there lived a yōkai princess in the Southern Isles, a beautiful Kingdom by the sea that was ruled by a very wise King…'"
His eyes widened as his heart stuttered nearly to a stop. Those were the words from a bygone era. They were part of the things he guarded closely to his heart, like a shameful secret, never intended for anyone else to see.
He turned to face her again.
"How do you know those words?" He whispered.
"I hear them in my dreams," she whispered back. "I see you in my dreams. As a child."
There was only one explanation he could think of for this: Chikatani. Sesshōmaru did not know how, or when,his former caretaker had transferred the memories of his childhood onto Kagome, only that it must have happened. The dam inside his chest was filling up, nearly overflowing with a dangerous jumble of emotions. His whole being balked at the knowledge that she had discovered his tarnished childhood.
"So— can you tell me what happened?" Kagome prompted.
He shook his head, as though trying to rid the fog that was clouding his mind.
"Miko, since you have already forgotten, why does it matter?" He asked her. "There should not be anything stopping you from living the life you were about to live prior to your death."
"But… I feel things I didn't feel before," she said. "I want to know why that is so. It's like… I don't know myself anymore. I'd like to feel I still have control over me and my own emotions."
Feel. He mulled that word over and over. Were memories stored in the brain or in the heart? Were they two different things? Who was to know the answer? He stared at her. Another word also reared its head and made his mind repeat over and over: choice.
"If I asked you to leave Inuyasha and follow me, would you come?"
It was evident his question had stunned her. She opened her mouth, in shock, yet no sound came out.
"I… It's very sudden, Sesshōmaru. I don't know—"
"It is a simple question, miko. Would you come?"
Even now, his weak, treacherous heart silently pleaded her to come. If she came with him, he could tell her everything that happened to them in the afterlife, and perhaps… Just perhaps, everything would be alright. He clenched his jaws. He was beginning to despise this part of him. He would not beg. He had begged many timesin life, more than she would ever know. It was enough; he would not beg anymore.
She blanched. The scent of her hesitation filled the air. It reminded him of that awful time after their intimate moment inside Gaudia, and the memory served as fuel that fed the fire of his rage.
"It is not so simple, Sesshōmaru. Inuyasha… he needs me. I can't just leave him like that, without any explanation that makes sense. It wouldn't be right."
Ah, but you left me just like that. Like I was never a reason to stay.
And he was tired of always being the one left behind.
"Sesshōmaru… your childhood… It breaks my heart to witness it with my own eyes. But Inuyasha… He suffered too, and I just can't—"
Something cold and hard grew and multiplied inside him. Vicious thorny vines that curled insidiously around his heart to sink their teeth in and hold fast.
"Suffered? Oh. You mean when those noblemen at Izayoi's mansion refused to play ball with him?"
She looked like she was about to weep. "Sesshōmaru, don't do this. It's beneath you. And so unfair."
He was unraveling in more ways than just one. Stop this. Stop this… It was not a competition of 'whose childhood was worse' to begin with. And yet, he could not stop. He had a lot more sharp, biting remarks from whence it came, and he would spit out every single one until the pain in his chest subsided.
"You are absolutely right," he said. Lips thinned, expression hardened. "It is unfair."
"Sesshōmaru. This is not you…"
She had the audacity to say such a thing? Shouting was beneath him, though this time, he wanted to shout at her: You do not know me anymore! Because anything and everything he had ever revealed to her, every little piece of himself, every bit of truth, had been erased and forgotten. But, with all his might, he forced himself to choke down those words before they had a chance to spill from his mouth.
Sesshōmaru gave Kagome a cold, wintry quirk of his lips. "Miko. If you want to spend the rest of your life punishing Inuyasha with your subjugation beads and your 'Osuwari', that is your business. It is nothing to me."
Those words must have hit the mark; he had made her flinch. But he felt no satisfaction, no victory crow. He should make his exit now. Leave her and never return. But, even then, something inside of him still hungered for more retribution. He had more vitriol he could launch at her from the deepest, darkest, ugliest part of him that was suppurating and oozing with rot.
A spiteful remark was already sitting at the tip of his tongue when she lifted her hand to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes. And then, he saw them: the scars on her palms from the time she had grabbed Bakusaiga by the handle in order to save his life, despite immeasurable danger to herself. And he knew. Down to the marrow of his bones, he knew…
Had she remembered what happened, had she remembered what they went through together, she would not be tearing him apart like this.
A little voice emerged in his mind, reminding him of a promise made on a night spent watching the beautiful moon from the comfort of his room in Izayoi's Elysium:
Until death, this Sesshōmaru will never forget what you have done for him.
Until death…
What flooded him next was not vitriol, or rage, but the hot wash of shame. So quickly, so easily he had forgotten his promise, his oath. Was this the depth, the extent of his devotion? Three days?
He alone made the decision to have her drink from the river Oblivion, despite knowing all the memories of their time spent in the afterlife would be erased. And now, because of his own misery, he was punishing her for the things she had no control over.
Even if she did not want to be with him, even if she wanted to go with Inuyasha, did he have the right to make her feel like this?
"I am sorry," he said; his voice low, drained. Her tear-filled eyes widened. They stared at each other in silence.
The pain in his chest returned tenfold. How long could he stare at the eyes of the one who held his soul but belonged to another?
Sesshōmaru was the first to break contact, turning his head away as though he could not bear the sight of her.
Enough of this.
He turned around and walked away.
Author's Note:
Sometimes things need to get worse before they get better.
As always, thank you so much for reading. This is a long and heavy tale, and I am thrilled to know so many of you are following this story. Because of the length of my chapters, the complexity of the plot, and also my work on another ongoing story, sometimes it takes time to post a new chapter, and I am grateful for your patience 😊
If you do have an opportunity, please drop me a line to let me know what you think. I would love to get to know all my readers!
Until next time ^—^