Without a word, Loki passed the icicle to Heimdall, whose fond gaze never wavered. Then, he formed another one. And another, creating long sheets of ice until the Gatekeeper's arms were full.
"Ah," Heimdall began as he rose off the floor, "see what you can do when you allow yourself a little confidence?"
"You should put that on a postcard," Loki couldn't help but quip, trying to keep the beaming smile off his face.
"A postcard for New Asgard."
"Bold of you to assume anyone would ever want to visit this place."
Heimdall hummed, eyes thoughtful and intense. "Bold of you to assume they wouldn't."
Stunned, Loki could only watch as Heimdall left to distribute their new supply of ice.
Perhaps you're looking at this all wrong.
But how exactly was he supposed to look at it? They were refugees from a once great empire reduced to seeking shelter on the most pathetic of all the Nine Realms. New Asgard had faced nothing but struggle after endless struggle since Ragnarok.
So who in their right mind would ever want to spend their summer in a tiny, barely put together coastal village?
That, I might add, is now suffering from a pandemic.
Yes, thank you for that. I'd almost forgotten all about it, Loki.
Brilliant.
"So." Brunnhilde's matter-of-fact tone ripped him away from his poisonous thoughts. "You gonna make me some ice, too?"
Loki forced a sly grin, peering at Bruce, who stood just behind the Valkyrie. "Oh, is there a line now?"
"Just make the freaking ice, Lackey."
"Oh, and here I was, hoping you were going to ask nicely." Nevertheless, Loki made just as many icicles for her as he had for Heimdall.
"It's about time," Brunnhilde muttered, but a tinge of awe laced her voice.
Loki was already creating a new batch of ice for Bruce as he stepped forward. "Well?"
Bruce carded a hand through his hair. "I'll be honest: it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Every time I think I have a possible virus pinned down, I'll find a new symptom that knocks out each possibility."
"Wonderful," came Loki's dry response. The pit of his stomach churned, but he swallowed down the nausea before it could take over.
"And the weird thing is that not everyone shares the same symptoms. Some are suffering different effects than others."
"Such as?"
"Well, the core symptoms include a high fever, unconsciousness, and delirium, right? But a few of the people I checked out are suffering from large rashes and swollen lymph nodes, among other things."
Loki's next icicle came out sharp and jagged, despite his best intentions to keep it flat. "Oh, when I catch whoever did this…"
Loki had never taken any pleasure in hurting others, popular opinion be damned. However, he found himself reveling in the thought of bringing down the monster that poisoned the water.
When I get my hands on that ungrateful demon…
Bruce accepted the twisted icicle with more than a little hesitance, but Loki couldn't find it in himself to feel bad.
"I keep asking myself: why?" He sucked in a breath as frost curled around his fingers. "Why would someone resort to sabotage of this caliber? Hasn't Asgard suffered enough?"
The doctor just shrugged, clearly uncertain on how to react to Loki's little rant.
Clearing his throat, Loki concentrated back on his ice. "Is there anything you can do for them?"
"For now?" Bruce gave the weakest of shrugs. "No more than you've already been doing. I think if we can keep the fevers down, they have a good chance."
Lips pursed in a tight line, Loki surveyed the room, willing the claustrophobia not to set in at the sight of so many individuals shoved together in one small building. "So, you think they're going to die?"
"That's just it: I don't know. Without a better understanding of what type of virus we're dealing with, here, I can't recommend a treatment."
Loki refused to sigh. Sighing meant defeat; it meant weariness. Weakness. And he was not weak, nor was he defeated.
Yet…
Instead, he handed Bruce one last ice shard. "Like you said, let's focus on keeping the fevers down."
"Loki… I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it might be time to call in the experts. I can only do so much."
"The only experts I know died on Asgard or vanished in the Snap," Loki replied, unable to keep the bitterness out of his tone.
"Okay, sure, but—"
"You can keep your medical 'professionals,' Dr. Banner. I won't subject my people to tests and examinations and-and machines like a bunch of rats in a lab."
"Just…" The concern that framed Bruce's face almost made Loki regret his harsh words. Almost. "Think about it?"
A nod was the best Loki could offer without going off on another rage-filled tangent.
After a few more seconds, Bruce left with his ice.
"Your people, huh?" To say the sudden sound of Brunnhilde's voice behind him startled Loki so much that he nearly jumped out of his skin would have been a flat out lie. It would also have been very embarrassing, which is why a lie was far easier to deal with than the truth.
Isn't it always, though?
"Oh, shut up," he grumbled as she knelt at his side.
Then, she had to go and flash those "I'm worried about you but don't you dare call me out on it or I'll rip your head off" eyes.
He hated those eyes. And loved them… Not that he would ever admit this—not even to himself.
"Are you all right?"
"What? Of course, I'm all right. What are you talking about?"
Even as he said it, his next icicle came out shorter than the last. What…?
Brunnhilde just shrugged, face as passive as ever. "I don't know. You just look a little flushed. Need a fan? I can bring one over…"
With a firm shake of his head, Loki focused back on his task. She's insane. I'm fine.
They're all insane. I don't need some foreign doctor poking around in here. I don't need to cool down. I'm fine.
And no one would ever want to vacation here, Heimdall.
Insane. Every last one of them..
At least, that's what he continued to tell himself as Brunnhilde made her rounds again. Heimdall had gone out in search of more sick civilians, leaving Bruce and the Valkyrie to distribute the bulk of Loki's ice.
Shorter and shorter they came. Why?
What am I doing wrong?
Every so often, he was tempted to press a shard to his forehead or cheek. It would feel so good, wouldn't it?
Just for a moment…
Surely you could spare a moment?
It would also feel selfish, he decided.
That's never bothered you before.
Loki furrowed his brows, trying in vain to ignore the way his breaths came in short, strained gasps now.
I've never before had an entire village counting on me for survival, either.
Right, well. That sounds like a you problem.
So eloquently put. You truly are a master wordsmith, aren't you?
Frustration building, Loki decided to let it all out in his next icicle. He needed something twisted, something rough and jagged, so he flexed his fingers in that old, familiar pattern…
… only to come up short of breath as well as any ice.
"What is it?" And if Brunnhilde's words were laced with worry, Loki would never point it out to her. Not if he wanted to keep all his limbs intact.
"I can't… The ice, I can't…" Loki shook his head, putting all his energy into making more ice. Frost. At least give me some frost.
"What?" She hovered close now, invading Loki's personal space and escalating his already high feelings of claustrophobia.
"It's… not working, to put it bluntly."
Brunnhilde's brows dipped. "What are you talking about?"
"I can't… It's not…" Loki shook his head, silently cursing his tied tongue. "It's too hot in here, I can't…"
"Uh, I don't know if you've noticed, but this room feels like a fridge. Not that anyone's complaining…"
At her confession, Loki was sure he felt his heart stop. "What?"
"Yeah. Between the fans and all that ice, it's nice and cool in here."
Dumbfounded, Loki had to check himself.
Perhaps he was the insane one, not them.
I'm not going crazy. I can't be…
Because it was hot in that room. It was sweltering.
"Now is hardly the time for sarcasm." It's too hot. I'm right, I have to be… It's too—
"Uh, I don't think that was sarcasm," Bruce said, coming over with those eternally concerned eyes of his.
That's when Loki felt the palm calp against his forehead.
Too close. Too hot.
Get away! Get—
Loki wrenched the doctor's hand away. "What in the Nine are you doing?"
"Loki," Bruce began slowly, "I think maybe you should lie down…"
"In case you're all completely blind, there's no time for that. Besides, I'm fine. I'm…"
Are you?
Shut up!
As if taunting him, his vision swam. But only for a moment. It was only for a moment. I'm…
They were crowding now. Heimdall was there, too. When he'd decided to show up, Loki couldn't remember. And if they would all stop closing in on him, maybe he could think again.
I'm fine, you fools!
Brunnhilde's fingers grazed his arm before he shook them off and shot to his feet, backing toward the wall.
I'm fine.
"My children, are they all right?"
I'm—
"Mama… I need my mama!"
I—
"Water! I need water…"
"I'm sorry, you can't have—"
"It's burning up in here!"
So hot… Why is it so—?
"Prince Regent! Prince Regent, I need you to—!"
Help—
"Please, I need your help!"
"Loki!"
"Lackey, come on…"
"My prince, stop!"
Thor.
Slamming his eyes shut, Loki quit the room in a sparkling flash of green, leaving his friends to their own devices.
There was only one person his tortured mind wanted at that moment.
Thor…
When he opened his eyes again, he found himself in his living room. To his great surprise, his brother reclined on the couch, phone in one hand, a gatorade in the other—his game controller all but abandoned on the floor.
"Loki!" He exclaimed, bloodshot eyes brighter than ever. "Did you know there are these little places online where you can connect with other gamers? Forums, I think they're called. They're amazing! I've already met a dozen new people in just one night! Wait, what are you doing up so late? Isn't it, like three in the morning?" As he squinted at his phone, Loki fought the urge to be sick. "Yeah, three forty-nine."
"I can't do it anymore." The words were so soft-spoken, Loki barely heard himself.
"What?" Though Thor had glanced back down at his screen and didn't appear to be listening anymore.
In three quick strides, Loki crossed the room and ripped Thor's phone out of his hands, throwing it against the wall with every ounce of energy he had left.
"Loki! What the heck's gotten into you?"
"Me? You want to talk about me now?" A biting laugh filled the room. "That's rich, coming from you."
"What are you talking about?" Thor was irritated now, Loki could tell.
He also couldn't have cared less as he barked out another scathing laugh.
"You laze about all day, hiding yourself away from all your precious little problems, not giving a toss about what goes on outside your own front door, and you want to know what's wrong with me?"
"Loki, calm down! Let's talk about this—"
"Talk about what, Thor? About how useless you are? About how you've wasted one whole year of your life wallowing in self pity? Yes! Let's talk about that because it's such a delightful subject! And it's about bloody time!"
Hot… It's still too hot!
"I was there!" Loki pressed on, knowing that if his words stopped, his heart might as well. "I fought Thanos right alongside you. I failed, too! You're not the only one who lost something that day and you're not the only one who's suffering!"
"You were there, sure," Thor threw back at him, rising to his full height. "But were you the one everyone was counting on to destroy that monster? Were you the one standing right there with your axe fully embedded in his purple flesh?"
Loki ran a hand through his sweaty hair as he searched for the right words to say. There aren't any. There aren't any and it's too hot and I'm fine—
"You think you could've done better that day?" came Thor's next challenge. "You think you could've defeated him?"
"I'm not accusing you! I'm not even comparing myself to you! Thor, this isn't a competition. I know I couldn't have killed Thanos!"
"And you think I could have?"
"You did! You killed him! And it's done with now, so you need to—"
"No! It's not done! It's not done because I had the entire universe counting on me. He was within my grasp and I still failed!"
"So what? We all fail, Thor! The difference is that the better man keeps fighting! He doesn't hide himself away and play video games when his people need him!"
"Oh, so I'm the weaker man, now? Because I didn't bounce back like you wanted me to? Sorry you couldn't kill Thanos, Thor, but you did kill half the universe. Thanks for that. You really did us a favor. Definitely go about your life as if none of it ever happened because that's what your brilliant little brother is doing! You should be more like him."
"Oh, knock it off! Life isn't all about you! It never has been. I don't care what father got you to believe! It's not about you. And I won't watch you throw yourself away for another year when I know you're capable of so much more! Just be lucky that mother's dead for all of this because I am."
As soon as the words left his mouth, Loki felt an instant wave of regret wash over him. Mother…
"Loki!"
Eyes burning, he couldn't have stopped the tears from leaking out even if he'd tried. "At least she doesn't have to be here to watch you destroy yourself and your kingdom like I have to!"
"I'm not the one who destroyed Asgard," Thor jabbed with a low growl.
"Oh, grow up!"
"What, like you did? If I wanted a lecture, I'd go talk to Sif. Oh, that's right… I can't because the entire universe was reduced by half."
"I'm tired, Thor! Don't you get it? I'm tired of tripping over beer cans and game cards! I'm tired of taking care of your people while you root yourself to this couch!"
"They're your people, too!"
And Loki was sure he was going to lose his mind. "But you're their king! You're the king, not me. I meant what I said! All those years ago, I meant it when I told you I never wanted the throne! I never…" No, not now… Please not… It's so… so hot… "I never… wanted… Thor!"
Hands tightened around his shoulders as Loki felt his knees buckle. Falling… Slowly through the air. The hot, thick air.
Thor…
"Loki? Loki! Stay with me?"
… help me.
"Loki!"