By the time Marian and Carver had collected forty sovereigns to invest in Varric's expedition, odd jobs that could've helped them with their goal started drying out. This left them with a lack of work, and Marian worried that if it continued for too long, they'd have to dip into the savings to support themselves.
Feeling rather lost, she decided to take a stroll to clear her head. She walked throughout Lowtown and realized fairly quickly that if she was looking for employment, this was hardly the place to find it. So she proceeded to Hightown, hoping that if she walked along the streets for long enough or looked hard enough, she'd spot a Help Wanted poster or a bounty sign, or even just overhear a conversation that called for some sort of grunt work.
Her hopes were dashed, however; after an afternoon of scouring the walls and eavesdropping on conversations within the marketplace, there didn't seem to be anything promising. Even the Chantry board was empty. With a sigh, Marian began to turn back towards an entrance to Lowtown so she might go back home.
As she was turning the corner, a familiar voice exclaimed, "Hawke!"
Marian knew that accent. She turned with a grin towards Sebastian, who was standing on the steps to the Chantry. Seeing that he had captured Marian's attention, he descended those stairs and inquired, "How are you, my friend?"
Feeling like it would be fruitless to hide the truth, Marian sighed and rubbed a hand upon her arm. "I've been better. I haven't had any offers for work in a while, and if I don't get one soon, the expedition's investment will start diminishing."
Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed; he trotted forth and placed a strong hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Hawke. All will be well."
"How can you be so sure?"
The prince from Starkhaven chuckled and waved her forward. "Why don't you take a walk with me, and we can talk? I sense something else is bothering you."
Marian blinked, wondering what made him think as much, but she nodded anyway. A walk with her friend sounded nice, at least. She allowed him to lead her into Chantry… but instead of going to see Grand Cleric Elthina like she'd expected, Sebastian opened a door that Marian knew wasn't available to the public.
Still, she didn't question him. She said thanks and walked through the door—and abruptly stopped.
A garden to rival the viscount's was displayed in front of her. Willow trees surrounded the flowers that grew along the stone pathways, effectively blocking outsiders from viewing the garden. Roses of white and yellow thrived in large bushels, and lilies and tulips of other vibrant colors accompanied them. Throughout her year and a half in Kirkwall, Marian had never seen a place with more life in it.
Sebastian followed through the doorway and, noticing the awestruck look on her face, grinned. Almost as a snicker, he said, "The viscount isn't the only one allowed to have private gardens."
"Don't tell Merrill about this place. She'll never leave," Marian immediately replied. After a moment of consideration, she added, "I might not either, actually."
"Well, you are certainly allowed to come here whenever you like. The Grand Cleric showed me this place a while ago, and said that I could show a few trusted friends, if I should like." Sebastian then glanced at Marian and smiled again: his smiles were always warm. "You're the first one I've shown, Hawke. I trust you… and to be honest, it looked like you needed this."
Marian swallowed. Although she knew she couldn't quite put her gratitude into words, she tried nonetheless. "Thank you, Sebastian. I…"
She couldn't finish—she was already focused on the garden once again.
"Of course, Hawke," he replied. "After all, you did avenge my family's deaths by helping me find their murderers."
Marian still felt sorry for the man. Simply because of his birth, he and his family had been targeted for assassination; perhaps one of the worst bits about the whole ordeal was that Sebastian knew the mercenaries had to have been sent by his family's friends, and not their enemies. But he still didn't know who exactly had hired those killers.
"I wish I could've done more," Marian sighed. "All I can do was hope my part was enough…"
Sebastian said nothing: he only began walking down the stone pathway. Curious about what else was growing in the garden, Marian trailed after him.
She was not disappointed by what else she found. There were some fruit trees and some carnations, hedges cut in meticulous sculptures—the longer she was in the garden, the more certain she was that she wanted one of her own someday.
After a couple minutes, they stopped in front of a statue of Andraste. Surrounding the statue were white flowers that Marian immediately recognized.
"Andraste's Grace!" she exclaimed. These were the flowers that used to grow in Lothering: never plentiful, and always in small bunches. Despite her protests to leave them in the ground so they might continue to spread, the residents insisted on picking them one-by-one until once again they were all gone.
"You know of these flowers?" asked Sebastian.
Marian nodded and explained how they would occasionally appear in Lothering. "Each year it was the same. They'd arrive during the first signs of spring, and… just as quickly, they'd be gone."
"The Maker did not bless us with beauty for us to admire it forever," Sebastian said. His blue eyes were still locked upon the statue of Andraste.
"Perhaps not, but what about Andraste herself?"
"Andraste is different. No one knows what she looked like in life, so any association made between her and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In reality, she is a symbol of hope and courage, as well as truth and purity. The qualities that drew the Maker to Andraste are the qualities that we, too, should praise."
Marian thought that was a wise enough statement, so she only nodded and looked over the willow trees that stood behind the statue. There was a sort of mystic element about the drooping branches surrounding Andraste, as if they too were kneeling to pay their respects.
The brief silence was broken when Sebastian asked, "What troubles you, Hawke? What troubles you really?"
She blinked and looked at him: he who dedicated so much time to the Chantry and to his faith. Marian did not know if she believed in the Maker or in Andraste, and she did not mind not having an answer to that question, either. More often than not, she disregarded religion entirely… but that didn't mean she was free to do evil. The deeds she'd been hired to complete during the last six months were often tainted with bad orders, bad intentions; Marian wasn't sure what was worse—the fact that she had killed people, some of whom might've been innocents, or that she allowed herself to be rewarded for killing them.
If she could talk to anyone about these doubts, it was Sebastian. And so she answered, "I suppose I… I'm worried that I fail to be a good person. Within the past half-year, I've killed dozens of people for the gold I need to even receive a chance at reclaiming my mother's estate. How can I be both a good person and a murderer?"
"I see. I used to struggle with the same burdens, Hawke. I wasn't guiltless when I placed the bounty for my family's murderers upon the Chantry board. To overcome your struggle, you must place your trust in the Maker and his will for you."
Marian exhaled and looked back down to the carnations at her feet. "Unless I'm coming to visit you, I avoid entering the Chantry, Sebastian. I mean… look at me. I'm an apostate mage, and the Chantry is the domain of the templars."
"The Chantry isn't the only place you can speak to the Maker, Hawke," Sebastian said. He waved an arm over the entirety of the garden. "He is watching over us all, for we are his children. If you reach out to him, I am sure he will respond in kind."
Instead of replying, Marian bent down and plucked one of the dead petals off of a red rose. There was a strange churning to her stomach that almost made her nauseous… it wasn't hard for her to realize she didn't know how to feel yet.
Noting her silence, Sebastian spoke again. "Let's think of this another way, then. Do you believe that I am a good person?"
"One of the best I've ever met," Marian wasted no time in answering. She looked up at Sebastian and frowned somewhat. "Why?"
"I have killed countless men as well. My hands are not clean. In fact, I'd say they are dirtier than most, because I have asked others to kill in my name. And yet here you stand, calling me a good person. That is because our sins alone do not define who we are. If we ask for the Maker's forgiveness and perform good deeds as he or Andraste would do, I like to believe that will help atone for the wickedness." Sebastian then chuckled and added, "I believe you already have a head start there. You help Anders heal the refugees flooding his clinic—now that is a selfless act."
Marian opened her mouth to protest, but before she could, he raised his hand again. "The jobs that I've watched you complete are always done with good intentions in mind, Hawke. You've spared countless men and women when it was up to your discretion. You've attempted to use a diplomatic mind in order to forge friendships and alliances, even within our group of companions. Take a look at Anders and Fenris, for example. Or Aveline and Isabela. Despite their constant arguing, you seem to keep them in check. We all end up in the Hanged Man at the end of the day because of you."
"Those are little things," laughed Marian, although she figured that Sebastian was right about one thing at least. It was entirely possible someone would've been killed in their little group if she didn't constantly keep an eye on the lot of them.
"But they are little things that make a difference," Sebastian said, his grin mirroring her own. "Do not degrade your self-worth, Marian. Kirkwall would be a different place without you: a lesser one."
Marian felt herself start to smile; a curtain of heat rose into her face. She didn't think of herself as all that important, even though she strived to do good. It was nice to have someone think so highly of her. With a short laugh, she exclaimed, "For some reason, it means a lot to hear you of all people say that, Sebastian."
Sebastian clapped a hand on Marian's shoulder and grinned again. "Anytime, Hawke. And if you ever need help, don't forget that I'll have your back."