Dear Little One

by cloudyunicorn698

As Jane and Maura embark on their newest journey: pregnancy and motherhood, Maura reflects on her life, her relationship with Jane, and what she wants for their children. Maura writes a letter to their unborn child each week of Jane's pregnancy. 43 chapters.

9. Week 8: Heartbeat

Dear Little One,

I honestly did not think it was possible to love you more than I did yesterday, but today proved me wrong. Today, we got to see you, and we got to hear your heartbeat. It was easily one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. I'm still in shock and awe at the little bean on the screen today, at you.

I didn't expect the wave of emotion that overtook me when the doctor found you and you appeared on the screen. I was standing next to mama, who was on the exam table, and I was holding her hand. I felt her grip tighten on my hand – and I know mine did the same – when the doctor pointed to you. When I turned to look at her, she had tears in her eyes, tears of love and happiness, tears that I knew were reflected in my own watery smile. I kissed her cheek when she turned back to look at the screen again, and I will never forget the salty taste of her tears or the heat of her cheeks or the love I felt for her – for both of you – in that moment.

All afternoon, every time I had a break at work or a quiet moment at home, I'd pull out my phone and look at the ultrasound picture – our first picture of you, our little love – and if I was alone, I'd listen to the recording of your heartbeat, so strong, just like your mama. I wanted to make it my ringtone so that I would hear that sound – my favorite sound – every day, but mama wouldn't let me. First, she said it was weird, but then she let her guard down for just a moment as she admitted it felt too private, something she felt was just for us and our loved ones.

I know she hates to feel so vulnerable, but moments like that mean the world to me. So, therefore, your heartbeat is not my ringtone. I will continue to keep your heartbeat and her heart safe and close, just for us – the three of us. I still plan to listen to it every day until you're born, though.

Today was a day I will never forget. Mama's reaction to seeing and hearing you for the first time is a memory I will never forget. Your first ultrasound picture is an image I will never forget. Your heartbeat is a sound I will never forget. The love I felt for you, for mama, for our family is an experience I will never forget.

I love you, little one.

Love,

Mommy