Chapter 4: Home

A/N: Thank you all for your kind words in response to my author's note. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. This is a short chapter, but it felt right. I hope you like it.

"No, I mean…what I mean is that even though I'm in love with you, I can't…I can't date you. I can't be in a relationship with you. I can't be more than friends. I can't give you what you need…what you deserve…and I don't think I'll ever be able to," Jane said. "I'm so sorry, Maura."

Maura felt her heart shatter into a million pieces – for herself and for Jane. Between the devastated look on Jane's face and her own broken heart, it was taking everything Maura had to not just break down, but right now, she needed to be strong. For Jane.

"Jane," Maura said softly. "It's okay, really. I meant it when I said that I'm not asking you for anything, but can we sit down and talk about this? I'm not going to try to convince you to be in a relationship with me, okay? I just want to talk."

Jane nodded as she used the back of her hand to unsuccessfully dry her face. Maura wanted to wrap Jane up in a hug, but she still wasn't sure what Jane was comfortable with, so instead, she led Jane back to the couch.

"Take a deep breath, Jane," Maura said gently when they were both sitting. "I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to."

Jane nodded and followed Maura's instructions. When Jane no longer seemed in danger of having a panic attack, Maura asked, "Can I ask you something?"

Jane nodded again.

"What do you want from me?" Maura asked as gently as possible.

Jane looked up at Maura, and Maura could see the pain in her eyes. "I want everything with you," she admitted. "But I'm broken. You deserve to be with someone whole, someone who actually can give you everything.

"I guess that doesn't really answer your question, though," Jane continued. "I-I want my best friend. I want you to be a part of my life and my daughter's life." Jane paused as her hand protectively rested on her bump.

"I absolutely want to be a part of your life and your daughter's life," Maura said. She paused as she tried to find the words to say what she wanted to say next without upsetting Jane. However, Jane must have known exactly what she was thinking.

"You can say whatever you want to say," Jane said. "I'm not gonna run. It's taken some time, but while I may not be totally okay, I'm strong enough to hear what you have to say, even if it's you telling me that you never want to see me again. Although, I still hope that's not the case," she added with a smirk.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Maura's lips. "I promise that's not the case," she said. "I just…I believe that you won't run, but I still don't want to upset you."

"I can't promise that whatever you're going to say won't upset me, but if I've learned anything over the past few months it's that we can't make it better if we don't at least talk about it."

Maura nodded. She knew Jane was right, but that still didn't mean she was okay upsetting Jane. "Is the reason that you don't think we can be in a relationship because you don't think you can handle the emotional intimacy, the physical intimacy, or both? Or is it something else?"

Jane tilted her head in thought. "I-I don't know. I think a little of both but probably the physical intimacy more – at least with you. I mean, we already close, and I already trust you more than I trust anyone else. I guess I feel like we already have the emotional intimacy part. If we were talking about someone else then I would definitely say both, but I don't really see myself having this conversation about or with anyone else," she admitted. "I don't see myself ever dating again let alone getting married. I just want to be the best mom that I can be."

"You're going to be a wonderful mother," Maura assured her. "You already are a wonderful mother. I can tell just from the few hours we've spent together that you've done a lot of work to make sure you're healthy for her. You've never taken therapy seriously before. I think the main reason you are now is for her."

"Thank you," Jane said so quietly that Maura almost missed it, but she didn't miss the faint blush on Jane's cheeks. After a moment, Jane continued, "But my point is, you deserve to be with someone who can give you everything."

Maura pursed her lips. She probably shouldn't say what she wanted to say, but she didn't seem to be able to stop herself. "Jane, if you don't want to be in a relationship, that's okay, but please just say that. Because if this is really about what's best for me, shouldn't I get to decide that?" she asked. "I would never ever want you to be in a relationship that you didn't want, but you – regardless of what type of relationship we have – will never be not good enough for me."

"What are you saying?" Jane asked tentatively.

"I'm saying that I am willing to be whomever you want me to be for you," Maura replied. "But spending my life with you, even as just friends, even if we never kiss or make love or anything more than what we've done in the past…I will never find anything better than that."

Jane's gaze dropped to her hands in her lap.

"Jane, I meant it when I said that I'm not asking you for anything, okay?" Maura continued. "Let's just be us."

Jane lifted her head again to look at Maura, offering a small smile. "I'd like that," she admitted. "To just be us again."

Maura nodded. "I don't like the idea of you driving tonight," she said. "Why don't you spend the night, and we can talk more in the morning? You can even have the bed."

"Well, if we're being us, can't we just share the bed?"

"I would love that," Maura replied. "So, will you stay?"

"I don't have anything to sleep in, and I really don't want to sleep in my jeans," she said.

"I have something you can wear," Maura offered.

Jane looked at Maura skeptically. "Nothing you own will fit my pregnant ass," she quipped.

"I do have something that will fit you, even pregnant, but you have to promise not to make fun of me," Maura said as she stood up and walked over to her suitcase.

"I make zero promises," Jane teased, drawing a laugh from Maura.

Maura found what she was looking for and turned to hand them to Jane, who had stood up from the couch.

"Wait, these are mine," Jane said in surprise as she took the items from Maura, looking up at Maura.

"Well, they were," Maura said, "but now they're mine." Maura sighed before adding with a tinge of embarrassment, "I really missed you, Jane, so I took some of your things after you left. I found them comforting. I'm sorry."

Jane smiled and stepped into Maura's space, pulling her into a big hug. "I missed you, too," she said into Maura's hair. "And please don't be sorry. You can have anything of mine."

They went about their evening routines as though no time had passed, easily moving around each other. Maura, always prepared, had plenty of extra toiletries for Jane to use.

"Goodnight, Jane," Maura said quietly after turning off the light and getting under the covers. "And thank you for finding me today."

"Night, Maur," Jane said. "Thank you for being you."

Maura smiled to herself as she closed her eyes and tried to get some rest. However, after a few minutes of Jane moving around next to her, trying to find a comfortable position, Maura could no longer ignore her friend's discomfort. "Are you okay?" Maura whispered, rolling on her side to face Jane.

Jane huffed. "I can never get comfortable enough to sleep anymore," she admitted. "I can't sleep on my back, and obviously, I can't sleep on my stomach. Sleeping on my side worked for a while, but now that the baby is getting bigger, I feel like I have to hold her up all night. Even when I put a pillow under my belly, it's either too soft or too hard. I'm sorry I'm keeping you awake."

"I don't mind being awake with you, but you need sleep," Maura said. "How do you feel about being close to someone while you sleep?"

"As long as that someone's you, I think I'd be okay," Jane said. "Why?"

"Come here," Maura said as she too scooted closer to Jane. Maura rolled so that she was mostly on her back with her body tilted towards Jane, and she opened her arms for Jane. "Lean your belly against me here," she said, indicating her own stomach.

Jane followed her directions and rested her head in the crook of Maura's neck. "Oh my god," Jane breathed out. "This is perfect. I haven't been this comfortable in months."

"Good," Maura said as she wrapped her arm around Jane's shoulders and held her close.

"She likes it too," Jane said, unexpectedly grabbing Maura's hand and pressing it against her stomach.

"Oh, she's kicking!" Maura said in awe. She instantly had a new favorite feeling in the world, and she felt herself falling more in love with both Jane and the little girl she was carrying.

"I think she likes being close to you," Jane whispered. "She feels safe."

Maura felt tears burning in the corners of her eyes at Jane's words. She knew it was Jane's way of saying that she liked being close to Maura and that Maura made her feel safe – and there was no bigger compliment in Maura's mind.

Maura didn't know what to say, so instead, she placed a soft kiss on the top of Jane's head. They stayed like that, snuggled together with their hands on Jane's baby bump, for a while, just enjoying being close to each other again.

Just when Maura thought that Jane might finally be falling asleep, she heard Jane said quietly, "I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow."

"What if I didn't?" Maura asked, feeling bold under the cover of darkness.

"You'd stay a few more days?" Jane asked.

"I could," Maura replied slowly, "or I could stay longer…maybe even permanently?"

Maura started to get nervous the longer Jane remained silent. It felt like hours when it was only about five seconds before Jane asked, "You mean you want to move here?"

"Only if it's okay with you," Maura replied. "I understand if you just need to start a new life here, without anything or anyone from Boston, but…"

"I-I could never ask you to give up your life in Boston," Jane said. "I could never ask you to do that for me, for us."

"You're not asking," Maura countered. "But Jane, I hate Boston without you. Boston isn't home. You're my home. You always have been. But the last thing I want to do is overwhelm you again and ruin your safe space."

"I have no doubt that you'll annoy me," Jane said, pinching Maura's side to emphasize that she was mostly teasing. "But Maura, you're my safe space, not Michigan and not Boston."

"Does that mean you'd be okay if I moved here, too?" Maura asked.

"It means nothing would make me happier than for you to move here. Honestly, besides just wanting you here because I miss you an embarrassing amount, I also want you to be a big part of my daughter's life. I want you to be the other most important adult in her life."

"I want that, too," Maura said. "I want to be more than the aunt who flies in every couple of months or even every couple of weeks, and I want to help you in any way I can. I want to help with the sleepless nights, and I want to be there for all her firsts."

"I don't know what to say," Jane said, and Maura could hear the tears in her voice.

"Let's get some sleep," Maura said, wrapping her free arm protectively around her friend. "We can figure out the rest in the morning."

A/N: I borrowed the "Maura is a body pillow for a pregnant Jane" idea from lil_leels. Love you, friend!