Chapter 5: Together
A/N: I honestly didn't expect this to be the next chapter that came out, but it was, lol.
When Maura woke up, she was so happy to find that Jane was still curled up against her. She just enjoyed the closeness for a few moments before she felt Jane start to stir. "Good morning," Maura said into Jane's hair as Jane stretched in her arms.
"Mornin'," Jane mumbled, her voice hoarse from sleep. "Crap, I gotta pee," she said quickly as she pushed herself out of bed. Maura giggled as Jane basically ran to the bathroom. She stretched her arms above her head as she waited for Jane to return. She was hoping Jane would get back in bed for a little longer.
"Sorry," Jane said as she returned from the bathroom, this time walking more slowly.
"Frequent urination is a common side-effect of pregnancy," Maura said. She smiled to herself as Jane climbed back in bed and settled back into the same position with her baby bump resting against Maura's abdomen and her arms wrapped around Maura. "How did you sleep?" Maura asked as she ran her fingers through Jane's curls.
"Better than I've slept in over seven months," Jane said.
"Me too," Maura admitted quietly, tightening her embrace around Jane and leaving a soft kiss on the top of her head.
Jane paused for a few moments before asking, "Did you mean it, what you said last night? That you'd move here?"
Maura's heart broke at the vulnerability in her friend's voice. "Yes," she said simply. "If you are sure that you're okay with it, of course. It's okay if you just said yes last night because you were caught up in the emotions of the evening. I'd understand if you change your mind."
Jane moved away from Maura just enough so that they could make eye-contact. "Yes, there were a lot of emotions last night, and while I may be uncertain about a lot of things right now, there is one thing I'm absolutely certain about, and that's you, Maura. The last thing I want to do is ask too much of you, but if you're asking what I want, I want you close, and maybe more importantly, I want you close to my daughter," she said.
Maura felt warmth spread through her at Jane's words. "Then, yes, I'm moving here," she said. "Um, what's your living situation right now? Are you in an apartment, a house?"
Jane sighed as she rolled away from Maura. She stared at the ceiling with her hands folded on her belly. "I live in a small town: Chelsea, Michigan. Compared to Boston, it feels like the middle of nowhere, but I kinda love it."
Maura rolled onto her side to face Jane, folding her hands under her head. "That sounds wonderful, Jane," she said genuinely.
Jane sighed again, and Maura could see the change in Jane's demeanor, but she wasn't sure why. "What's wrong, Jane?" she asked softly.
"I'm renting a small house right now," she said. "But…" Jane closed her eyes and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.
"Jane, whatever it is, you can tell me," Maura said firmly but kindly.
"I…I haven't been able to keep a job," Jane admitted thickly, and Maura could hear the deep pain and embarrassment in her voice. Then, realizing how that must have sounded, Jane quickly added, "That's not what this is about, Maura. I didn't reach out to you because I need money. I…I…I…"
"Jane, Jane, stop!" Maura said firmly, reaching out to gently pull Jane back towards her. "First of all, I didn't think that, but just so you know, it would also be okay if you did."
"I would never…" Jane interrupted.
But Maura stopped her again. "I know, Jane, but my point is, we're way past the point where I'm ever going to worry about you using me just for my money. Even if, instead of finding me yesterday, you called me on the phone, told me nothing about your pregnancy, and asked me for $100,000, I would have happily wired you the money without question," she said. "And before you say anything, I know you'd never do that," she added, correctly anticipating Jane's next protest.
"But please, Jane, right now you have more important things to worry about than money. I know you hate the idea of accepting financial assistance from anyone, and I know you worry about taking advantage of me, but this is something I can do that will honestly have very little effect on me. I have more than enough money to support you and your daughter, as well as myself…and probably quite a few other people."
Maura watched Jane intently as she thought about Maura's words. She was tracing idle patterns across her belly with her fingers. Maura really had no idea how Jane was going to react. While it rarely caused problems between them, Jane had always been sensitive about their vastly different financial situations.
"She's more important than my ego," Jane said quietly. Maura had no idea how to respond to that, but luckily, Jane didn't seem to expect a response. She rolled onto her side to face Maura before she spoke again, "I'm not totally broke. The cost of living here is ridiculously low compared to Boston. I mean, I always knew Boston was a pretty expensive place to live; I just didn't know how much until I moved to the Midwest.
"I've had a few short-term jobs since I moved here, but I've really been prioritizing my health and being strong for her. At this point, no one is going to hire someone who's seven months pregnant."
"That's discrimination," Maura said.
Jane laughed lightly. "Yeah, but that's not really a fight I want to have," she said.
"I understand," Maura said apologetically. "I didn't mean…"
"I know. Don't worry about it," Jane said quickly. "Anyway, like I was saying, I've been renting a small house, but it was a short-term lease. I have to be out by the end of the month. I was planning to rent a one-bedroom apartment. I found a nice apartment complex that I can afford with my savings and the money I got from selling my condo. As long as I went back to work by three months after she's born, I should be okay."
"You said you were planning to rent an apartment," Maura said, clearly catching the past tense. "Is that no longer what you want?"
"When you imagine moving here, what exactly did you have in mind?" Jane asked.
"What?" Maura asked in confusion. "I mean, I guess I didn't have anything specific in mind. I didn't even know it was an option until last night."
"Well, right," Jane said with a laugh.
"Jane, what do you really want to know?"
"I guess, I want to know where you want to live," she replied. "Ideally, I'd like to decide once I know what you want."
Maura frowned, then laughed. "I was going to say the same thing – that I would decide based on what you wanted," she admitted. "Look, Jane, I want to be there for you and your daughter as much as your comfortable with. If you want to rent an apartment and for me to live in a house, just like we did in Boston, then, let's do that. If you want to rent two apartments next to each other, then, we can do that. If you want to buy two houses next door to each other, then I'd be fine with that too." Maura paused before adding, "And Jane, we can also live together. It doesn't have to be romantic. It could just be for a while, so that I could help you with the baby while you continue to heal. Plus, regardless of circumstances, a newborn is a lot of work, and it's easier with two people."
"You'd do that for me?" Jane asked.
Maura couldn't help but laugh. "You seem to be missing the fact that I also want this," she said. "How can I make you understand that I would be absolutely honored to be a part of your and your daughter's lives in any and every way you want me to be?"
"I'm afraid of giving you false hope," Jane said so softly that Maura almost missed it. "I just don't think I'll ever be able to handle anything more than friendship."
"I'm not asking for more," Maura said. "Actually, I'm not asking for anything. I'm telling you that I'm willing to be there for both of you in whatever way you want with absolutely no expectations. I'm not saying that we can live together in the hope that you might change your mind and suddenly want to date me. What I am saying is that whatever you are comfortable with is enough. You are enough.
"So, in your most selfish fantasies, tell me what you would want. It can be anything from me buying you a house and setting you and your daughter up with a trust fund while I go back to Boston…" Maura smiled slightly at the look of disdain on Jane's face at that suggestion, "…to living together as friends or whatever else you can think of."
"If I tell you, do you promise to tell me what you truly want, too?" Jane asked.
"I promise," Maura said without hesitation.
"Okay," Jane replied, closing her eyes as she pictured everything in her head. "I want us to buy a house…together…in the safest part of town. I want it to be in a neighborhood where she can make friends. I want there to be sidewalks where she can learn how to ride a bike. I want to have a yard that she can play in. I want to raise her with you. I want to decorate her nursery with you, and eventually, I want to argue with you about when she's old enough to get a big girl bed. I want to build a life with you and our daughter." Jane opened her eyes and looked at Maura again. "But that's not fair to ask of you because even though I want to build a life with you, I know I can't give you everything you need. I'm too broken, and you deserve the best. You deserve someone who can love you fully and in every way, and you deserve someone who can show you how much they love you."
Maura felt tears burning at the corners of her eyes. The truth was, no one had ever loved her like Jane did, and no one had ever shown her love like Jane did. Did she want to kiss Jane, to make love to Jane? Yes, but she wanted Jane as she was so much more than she wanted more with anyone else.
"I would gladly pledge myself to you for the rest of our lives even knowing we could never be anything more than this, but Jane, we don't need to make decisions that far in the future right now," Maura said. "All we need right now, is a safe place to live and raise this little girl, so here's what I propose: let's find a house…together. We can start house searching this week. Once we find a house and have a move-in date, I'll have to return to Boston for a short time to get my things and have what I need shipped here. I honestly don't have all that much in my apartment, but…"
"Wait, what? Apartment? What happened to your house?" Jane interrupted.
"Oh, I sold it a few months ago," Maura admitted slowly. "I just couldn't…it wasn't the same."
"I'm so sorry, Maura."
"Please don't be, Jane. You did exactly what you needed to do…what I need you to do. You took care of yourself."
Jane sighed. "I know, but I hate that I hurt you in the process," she said. "Eventually, I'd like to know more about what's been going on in Boston since I left, but not right now, okay?"
"Okay," Maura replied.
"So, we're really gonna do this? Buy a house together?" Jane said, hope evident in her voice.
"Yes!" Maura said excitedly. "It will likely take more than a few weeks to find a house though. I'd really like to find what we really want and not just settle, so we should probably also look into other short-term rentals or even a hotel for the time between the end of your current rental and when we can move into our new home. However, since we'll be able to make a cash offer, that should make the process faster. I know it's not ideal given that you'll be getting close to your due date at that point. There's always the chance that we won't be in our home when you give birth, but I think we'll still be better off in the long-term if we take the necessary time to find what we're looking for."
"I agree," Jane said. "Although, having a newborn in a hotel room seems a bit…weird." Jane laughed lightly. "But still, this is all so much better than I had dared hope for when I went looking for you yesterday. I was just hoping that you'd be willing to fly out here for her birth and to be in the delivery room with me, maybe stay a few days after if I was really lucky."
"Honestly, I feel like the lucky one," Maura replied with a smile. "We should probably get up. I need to cancel my flight. I also need to figure out what to do with my rental car since I was supposed to return it at the airport. Where is Chelsea compared to where we are now and the Detroit airport?"
"Um, it's a little under an hour away from where we are now, and maybe 45 minutes to an hour away from the airport. Chelsea is probably about halfway between Lansing and the airport, but it might not be the most direct route."
"It seems silly to drive that far past your home to return the car. I wonder if there is somewhere around here where I can return the car."
"You'd probably have to pay a penalty for doing that," Jane said.
"Depending on what that fee is, it still might be worth it," Maura replied.
Jane nodded as she pushed herself out of bed again. "As long as we can find food first," she said with a smirk.
Maura laughed as she too sat up. "Deal," she said, and she couldn't help thinking that maybe everything would be okay. Jane was here. Jane was with her. Jane wanted her here. For now, that was all she needed.