RPOV.
His fingertips trace over the different scars on my back, occasionally he stops to kiss one.
We'd been drifting in and out of conversation, kissing or enjoying the silence. My eyes were closed until he'd started tracing the marks on my arm, the one's the mistress had left. The finger prints had healed and faded but if you looked closely you knew what they were and they were deliberate. His expression had been closed, stoic as his eyes followed his fingers tracks. Tonight had been so special and there is nothing, literally nothing, in the world I would trade for it but his expression was inviting in ghosts.
"It's ugly." I said, trying not to sink beneath shyness, into myself.
"No, it's not." He said immediately, leaning forward to kiss the marred skin. "It shows your survived. How did it happen?"
"I spoke to Christian." I'd whispered, focusing on a point on the ceiling. "He came into the kitchen and they never did that. I couldn't get him to leave, he kept asking me questions and she came in. She told me to never speak to him or step inside her house again."
I dared to look at him and he was staring right at me, eyes blazing in his cold face. I tried to smoothing his expression with my fingers. "I don't want to ruin this, please."
He turned his face into my palm. "I'm sorry I tried to convince you of Christian and Tasha. I'm sorry I pushed it. It wasn't right of me."
"They might not be as bad as them but there's no way they didn't know. Christian knew she was mad that night and when you all arrived he knew you had to treat my arm. He knew. Natasha knew. They chose to ignore it."
I waited for him to argue for her, to protest so then I could tell him about the orchard and Eddie but he didn't.
"Do you remember when we left that night, and I sent you ahead to the car because she was screaming at us in the foyer?"
I nod.
"I told her to enjoy Victor's olive branch, the burrowed time, because my face would be the last thing she'd see." He looked so removed, so far away from who he is and it scared me "I won't tolerate tyrants and child abusers."
His voice was laced with contempt. If anyone outside of this house heard him say that it would have consequences, I knew that much. Moroi Royals didn't get dealt consequences or slapped with a punishment but Guardians threatening them?
They come first.
But I'd thought about how to punish them, torture them, hurt them but I wasn't a Guardian. I hadn't taken any vows. I saw the faces of people who needed punished. They were seared behind my eyelids.
"You told her you'd kill her?" The words are strange and sound silly.
"Semantics but basically, yes." There's nothing silly about his expression, his tense body.
I made him look at me. "She could hurt you and I don't mean in a fight. She'd find others ways, she'd do something to hurt your family. They're evil, they're all evil."
My voice had gotten more desperate and I hated that.
His expression thawed. "She's not going to do anything to me, to us."
There was something still in his face, lurking below the surface. "You're angry and don't tell me your not."
He watched me steadily, chest rising and falling. "I am."
"Just about her?"
"Just about her burning her hand into your flesh?" He said bitterly and I'd wished I could sink further into the mattress. My face must have said as much because he'd taken a deep breath and smoothed my hair behind my ear. He looks down at me and says in earnest. "I am angry about every mark on your body and I'm angry that I felt remorse for incapacitating those who put them there. I wish I'd hit them harder, made them suffer."
I'd swallowed. "You took me away from there. That's what matters."
He nodded, still lost in bitter regret. I pulled him down to me and chased out the ghosts.
Now I lie on my stomach and he traces each mark on my back. Hip to shoulderblade. I tell him how I got some of them, the ones I can remember, and he pays them extra attention. Each time his lip press against my skin I feel lighter, like every mark was a stone weighing me down.
He lies down next to me and takes my hand to run it over a white line on his side. It's where glass caught him when it shattered after his father threw it. Just above his knee is a faint mark, the size of a penny, where a cigarette was put out and then he directs my fingers into his hair to feel a dent just behind his ear, where he cracked his head on the hearth when he was six.
And I understand his fury from before as all I can picture is a small boy and a looming shadow. If I ever met his father I'd want to kill him too.
He pulls the covers up over our waists but I insist I'm still cold and climb on top of him which coaxes a smile. Lissa was right about it being addictive. I love feeling the heat of him against my skin, the hard muscle of his arms and stomach, and then there was seeing how much he wanted me, how I effected him and how I could make him powerless under my hand and mouth. This imposing, strong and stoic warrior who moaned and came apart for me.
I feel like I've found a whole other version of myself and I like her.
Then there's what he did to me, all those things he'd done and promised there was more.
I grind against him and he groans, hands skimming up my back to the clasp at my bra where he pauses asking for permission. I don't know where the boundary is, don't care to look for it.
A buzzing cuts through the sound of him kissing my neck, the bliss in my head and he goes still. We both look over to the window seat where his phone screen is red.
"The wards?"
"Yes."
We turn back to each other, the other world we occupy creeping up the drive. I kiss him long and hard before reluctantly climbing off him. I pull on his shirt.
"Was that just a ruse?" He smirks, pulling up his trousers.
I look down at myself and laugh. "Kinda. This is my favourite thing to wear."
He snatches up his other shirt and pulls it on, those tight muscles of his abdomen being concealed. "It's yours."
He pulls his hair up as I step out into the hallway but he tugs me back into the door way and presses me against it, kissing me slowly and pulling away when I moan, which leaves me swaying slightly and blinking.
"Training tomorrow." He murmurs. "Get some sleep."
As if I'm going to be able to sleep.
"Will you tell me what they say? How it went at the school."
He hesitates. "Yes, although I might not be able to tell you all the details. I think that's something else we need to talk about."
I nod and latch my finger onto one of his. "Okay. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Roza."
It's weird, I feel like I already miss him so I make myself step away and close my bedroom door.
I just stand there for a minute, restless energy thrumming through me, wishing they'd stayed at the school so I could at least sleep in his arms again. I sigh and once again pull off his shirt so I can step out of the underwear and put them in the bath. I'd wash them in here. I pull the shirt back on and a pair of sleep shorts. I pause in front of the mirror.
My eyes seems larger in my face, alight from within. A small smile tugs at my mouth, my swollen lips, that I try to bite down on. I turn away before my reflection confronts me and crawl into bed.
I'd trusted him to show me that my body wasn't something I should fear. That I shouldn't fear loving it or how it looks but he'd shown me more than that. I didn't know there could be pleasure beyond a full belly, kneading sore muscles, washing the day off my skin or rinsing out dirt and oil from my hair. I didn't know physical pleasure could come from inward, that there could be cravings for things besides food and water.
The things he had done, had wanted to do and enjoyed them too. Heat sears my cheeks and I shift, kicking at the covers.
And what I had done… if I had any idea of what I'd do before going into that room it would be very different. I wouldn't have gone, I know I wouldn't have. I would have thought about Alec, what he'd tried to force me to do and the clawing fear would have taken over, the spiralling, but with Dimitri, who hadn't expected it and who I think I surprised more than myself, it was so different. I mean, the physical aspect of it is the same, I imagine, but the whole way it happened makes both things so monumentally different.
I'd wanted to. That's the unintelligible vast space between the two situations.
I lie there letting the weight of it sink into my bones. The difference between something I'd feared for years and craving it, is having the right to choose.
It comes over me too fast to fight, the pain of the realization, the difference between the way Dimitri looked at me, touched me, spoke to me and what she had to endure. I'd somehow thought that only way around the fear of it was acceptance. It was something that's going to be done to you and you had to lie there and take it. That being able to accept it was somehow strength I couldn't find and she did.
It's not like that at all and I have to turn into the pillow as the sobs rip from my throat.
'They're evil' I'd told him and I really meant it.
Guilt swims with the grief. I'm here in a vast bed and I'd gone to a man willingly and happily to share my body when she didn't have a choice. When she'd tried so hard to help hide me and if she knew I'd done this -
My whole body shudders with the shame.
She would hate me more than she already does.
Dimitri doesn't understand why I don't want to talk to her, probably thinks it's because I miss her and can't be with her. Because maybe that's how he feels about his own mother but that's not it at all. I'm afraid to speak to her. I'm afraid to feel so much worse about all this than I already do.
The shame pulls me away again so I can't think as emotion takes over.
Later, when the suffering has eased to hiccups, anger pangs through me at how this nights ended. Why can't I have one good thing and for it to stay good instead of somehow pulling myself a part.
Footsteps and low voices carry on the landing, someone laughs and another tremor goes through me.
I cling to my damp pillow as the house goes quiet and my heads so fuzzy I don't hear him come in. I want him to go away but at the same time I'm relieved that he's here. I don't want him to ask me to explain but my heart hurts so badly I need to pull out everything twisting around it like poisonousness vines.
"Rose?" He sounds unsure, worried and the bed dips behind me.
I don't want him to hesitate and think it's because of him but I can't make myself form the words, the silent sobbing starts again, just painful jerks of my body. And then he's pulling me to him and folding me in, brushing my hair back and pressing his cheek to my head. The only control I have is to try and stifle the sound but some sharp inhales are beyond my control. He holds me tighter when I make those sounds.
I don't know how long we're like that for but when I start to feel a shade of embarrassment I know the worst has passed.
"I'm not upset because of us." I tell him, voice scratchy. It's important he knows. I pull back from that safe space in shoulder to look at him and my stomach sinks. His face is reserved, jaw tight. "It's not – it's...I didn't think it could be like this."
"Like what?"
I make myself sit up and take a deep breath. He eyes me warily but his fingers drift down my forearm to take my hand. I lock our fingers and try my best to explain. I tell him about the differences, how choosing this changes everything about what I'd thought and believed.
I tell him about her and Master Ozera, things I know they'd already put together but telling him myself is like...speaking some dark secret thing with a fear it will be brushed off, be brushed aside as a normal thing because it used to be normal. It was my normal. I don't tell him about how she'd hate me. I don't want him to argue the opposite, I knew her not him. Dimitri's hand tightens in mine as the words leave my mouth, the weight leaving my chest and leaving me so tired.
"Is that why you said you trusted me?" He asks quietly. "Did you feel like, did some part of you think I expected it from you?"
I sigh. "No. Listen to what I've said. It was my choice." He doesn't say anything, expression unreadable. Not Guardian cold but just...not open to me. "Are you angry with me?"
His brow creases. "Why would I be angry with you?"
I swallow, pulling my fingers back to brush against his palms. "I might not know a lot about this, what we have, but I don't think it's normal to be -" What was it Lissa said again? "Intimate and then cry like that."
"There aren't rules." He says sitting forward, "Never be sorry for being honest with me. You should always be honest."
I hate myself for asking but I had to know. "Was it like that when you were growing up? Was he evil like that?"
His dark eyes shutter and his jaw tightens. "Yes."
"I thought it was normal."
"When your grow up in a burning house, you think the whole world must be on fire too."
The last vice around my heart recedes, slithers back to whatever dark corner it came from. He understands.
"I'm adapting." I say quietly, to myself more than him.
He lifts my hand and kisses the palm. "Yes."
"It hurts." I admit.
"It will. But that's the thing about pain, you learn from it or it destroys you."
I would not be destroyed.
He touches my cheek delicately. "You are so brave, so strong and if I were a better man I'd say I don't deserve you but I am selfish and I won't leave unless you send me away."
My finger on his palm have been tracing the thin scar there. "You can't go away."
He smiles, small, sad. "Maybe not far. I'd be there if you needed me."
I steel my nerve again. Tonight has been so raw, so up and so down. "What are you thinking?"
"I...I'm worried I went to far tonight. That I should have steered it differently. You have so much trauma and I forget because of how strong you are, how bold."
"No don't -"
"Would you have told me if I hadn't of come in?"
"I don't know. Maybe not but I would have been okay. I realised a good thing Dimitri."
He watches me steadily. "I don't like thinking you would have been in here that upset and never have told me about it."
That dark thing in me rears. "I should have locked the door and then you wouldn't know."
His jaw clenches and we stare at each other. With every passing second my temper eases, coiling back, and I realise how stupid it is to argue with him about this. I felt lighter for telling him, I didn't hide from him, he is the one person I can be so bluntly honest with and that's all he's asking me to do.
"I didn't mean it." I sigh. "I would tell you...maybe you'd have to push first but I would tell you."
"Please, things like this. When you need someone…"
"Do you know how hard it is to think like that?"
"I do."
And I don't know what else to say or if we should still be arguing, if this is arguing, but tentatively I crawl into his lap. I'm half afraid he'll push me away, worried he'll think touching me means I'll start bawling.
I lock my arms around his neck and tuck my knees to his hips. "I'm adapting."
He exhales and wraps his arms around me. "Me too."
"Are you sleeping in here?"
"If you'll have me."
My choices, mine. "Yes."
Dimitri doesn't wake me when he leaves before my alarm and it bothers me, even though I'm so tired my eyelids keep sticking down when I blink. I dress slowly and splash my face with cold water. I trudge down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Morning." Ben says.
I grunt in response, pulling up the zip of my new fleece.
He pours coffee out, adds milk and sugar. "Here, try this. Looks like you need it."
"Thanks." I sip it and only wrinkle my nose a little. If it will help wake me up then I'll grit my teeth and drink it.
The back door opens and I try not to react as Dimitri steps in, cheeks pinched with the cold.
"No snow yet?"
"Not yet." He says.
"How did last night go?" I ask Ben, taking another sip.
"Not well. Victor thinks the other heads are being swayed to 'for'. It doesn't help that some of the Novices are making compelling arguments about 'their godly duty'."
"Godly duty?"
"Mhm. Dhampir is a warrior with divine purpose to protect the Moroi. They come first."
"That saying is bullshit." I mutter and they both look at me. "What?"
"Uh, everyone's entitled to their opinion but be careful who you say that around." Ben says.
I shrug and make myself gulp the rest of the coffee. "What are we doing today?"
"Laps and circuits with weights" Dimitri answers.
"Bulk up Belikov, we're sparring by the end of the week." Ben says, striding out of the kitchen. "I'm going to bed for a few."
I turn to Dimitri. "Can I go back to bed?"
"No."
"Even if I invite you?" I say quietly, trying to be playful.
"No but I appreciate the offer."
I can't tell if he's being weird or if I'm overthinking but I follow him out and let my mind go blank as we run. 5 minutes on, 1 minute off. When he hands me the dinkiest looking weights I scowl.
"They'll feel heavy soon enough." He promises.
They do. Three rounds of twenty reps of pushing them above my head, balancing them on my shoulders when I squat, bending my knees and allowing them to pull me down to my toes and curling them until my arms feel on fire. I'm dripping with sweat and panting without having moved from the same patch of grass for over forty minutes. Dimitri has weights way heavier than mine and when he goes to refill our water bottles I try to lift one and nearly wrench my arms out of their sockets.
"Lift with your knees." He advises, coming back. He must have been watching from the kitchen window.
"Yeah, I'm fine thanks." I retort, rotating my shoulder.
I swear I see him smirk. I move into the third round feeling like I when I go down into a squat I might not come back up. I might just lie down and wait for the snow. Somehow I make it to the end and I'm surprised there isn't a faint glow of red coming from me with how hot I feel.
"Two minutes on, two minutes off."
"You can't be serious." I look at him from the ground.
He folds his arms, biceps defined in the clingy material of his shirt. "Move. Move or I don't train you."
"I can't."
"You haven't even tried." He says, tone hard. "Stop whining."
Reluctantly I get to my feet. I stop being able to do the 'on' part after half way and consider that a great victory.
"You're not trying."
I would look confused if I could stop wheezing. "What? How am I not trying?"
I hate the precious air that cost me, the look on his face and how it makes me feel.
"Until failure. That is trying."
I glare at him and force myself to go. It's not a run, its not even a jog, but it's a bit more than stumbling. When we get back to the green my legs give out.
"Cool down." He instructs flatly.
I go through the movements losing my balance multiple times until he finally says we're done. I drain my entire water bottle in one go.
"You did well."
"I thought I wasn't trying."
"You did stop trying, you gave up." I don't respond, glaring at the lake and rubbing the stitch in my side. "You did it, did you not?"
"Yes." I hiss.
I push myself up from the cold grass.
"Roza." I take a deep breath and face him. He looks infuriatingly calm. "I won't go easy on you so don't expect it. Training is non-negotiable."
"I don't expect you to!"
"You did." He says firmly.
"I'm going to kick your ass in this bet." I seethe.
He grins. "Unless you give up."
I stalk off toward the kitchen muttering. After showering I pull on new jeans that are so stiff its like another work out. I stare at one of the plain black bras before putting it on and then a black tank top. I feel exposed. I make myself check the mirror three times to look at the neckline. Its not low but its not at my chin where it would feel safest. I make myself leave the room by imaging Victor asking for breakfast that I hadn't even started.
Dimitri is standing over a massive pot and by the smell I already know what he's made. I make a gagging noise.
"You'll eat it and you'll like it, probably because you'll bury it under chocolate and syrup."
"Only way it's edible." I mutter.
I take out the eggs and butter. Victor likes Eggs with this weird sauce on them, I doubt he'll accept oatmeal.
"What are you doing?"
"Making Eggs...beneditch? Benedict. Ben something for Victor."
He chuckles. "He will accept oatmeal you know."
"I have one job. Let me do it." Making sure everyone has food they could make themselves.
"How do you feel about getting a tutor?" He asks and then adds. "Natalie's been asking Victor."
I shrug. "I don't know much about anything -"
"Don't do that." He says flatly. "Don't put yourself down."
"Well it's not a lie is it?" I snap.
Why am I so cranky today? A minute goes by in which I wack the butter in the microwave and get out the blender to finish the sauce.
"I think that you should do some mock tests first." He says. "To see where you are, get a better gauge on things. You absorb so much information, you've been reading Natalie's school books and various things from the library."
I don't say anything and microwave dings. "What would the tests be like?"
He lifts out bowls and lines them up. "Some might be multiple choice questions, in which you pick the most appropriate answer or you'll be asked a question and you give a written response."
"I'm not...I'm not a fast writer."
"The more you practice the faster you'll get." He lifts out the syrups and honey.
"What if I do really badly?" I ask quietly.
"Then we have a starting point and we only go up from there."
I chew the inside of my lip. Getting written proof that I'm so far behind everyone, in a house full of so many advanced people, would be horrible. Spiridon would probably want it framed with a banner above it that reads, 'She is stupid'.
I don't notice he's moved until his hand braces beside mine and the embrace of his body heat presses against me. "You are more capable than you give yourself credit for. A piece of paper will not determine your intelligence."
The anxiety eases and I move my fingers a fraction to skim his. "Thank you."
Footsteps from above make us step apart and by the time Ben rounds the corner I'm flicking on the blender. The boys serve themselves the slop whilst I poach Victors eggs.
"Team meeting." Spiridon yawns. "Coffee everyone?"
I find myself saying yes. I serve Victor his breakfast at the table where he mumbles a thanks, not looking up from the tablet in his hand. I fill my bowl with oatmeal, hunger actually making it appealing, and add chocolate chips, nuts and maple syrup. Dimitri smirks and I resist sticking out my tongue. I take my seat at the table, half pleased and half annoyed he sits next to me. It's the first time it's felt difficult to lie. My hands itch to touch him.
"Few things to go over." Victor says, resting his chin on his clasped hands. "As you know the Heads are leaning toward voting yes and we need to come up with something fast to deter them. The testimonies have sounded feeble at best and argument was very compelling." Spiridon looks like he wants to say something but is biting his tongue. "I am going to extend an invite to Thanksgiving to the Heads from Romania, Poland and of course Estonia."
"Not Kirova?" Spiridon drawls.
"No."
Ben and Spiridon exchange a look.
"Rose, I will give you the seating plan and I need you to make sure everything runs efficiently and to your standard. The catering staff will answer to you. Understand?"
I blink at him and recover. "Yes, of course."
"Glasses filled at all times. Very important."
I nod.
"Dimitri, your suggestion in regards to the controlled environment – have you thought any more on this?"
Every pair of eyes turn to him. "Yes. I think going into the field is too severe and too risky to make a point. The training would need to be much more intense and a lot harsher to prove what they stand to lose. Guardians posted at the school are liable, as of now, for upholding the current curriculum but if you got permission for outside personnel to come in and apply much more realistic situations it could show the novices, the staff and the heads just how unprepared they are."
"Outside personnel being…" Spiridon asks, eyes sparking.
"Us." Dimitri answers. "At first. Maybe call in a few of the close retirees."
"As if anyone's retired any more." Ben says, leaning back.
"And what would these training exercises look like?" Victor asks.
"I'm not sure yet but teachers obviously hold back to a certain degree until the novices are given a Moroi to Guard, but even then the consequences are a failure that you get to retake. The consequences need be finale."
"Are we killing the Moroi kids to make a point?" Spiridon asks and Victor flashes him an irritated look.
Dimitri inhales. "We take something that they only get back if they can get past us or we play on their pride. Humiliation can be an effective tool."
Spiridon looks at me and I glare back until he smirks.
"Group exercises could demonstrate how little they know how to communicate or delegate, at that age you're so focused on proving yourself it would lead to catastrophic mistakes in the field."
"Sixteen year old me would be dead in a heartbeat." Spiridon muses. "Trying to throw you behind or in front of me."
Dimitri looks at him levelly. "I'd of been the same."
Victor considers this. "A more realistic feel for the field…"
"In regards to their mental and emotional ability." Ben inputs. "They'll hesitate, stall and that's without facing a Strigoi."
"But we won't hold back." Dimitri says. "We'll come at them with everything and not stop until they yeild, not just when we take their weapon but until they forfeit their ward."
"Brutal." Ben quips.
"Effective."
Victor brow is creased. "Are we underestimating them? Surely they should be challenge, those on the cusp of graduating. They do have to over power a Guardian to pass one of their tests."
"The Guardians at the school are good but their not the best, we're the best, hence why we work for you." Spiridon says and for once without a hint of arrogance.
"Alberta's more than good." Dimitri throws in.
"I'll allow that."
"Overpowering your teacher is not the same as facing off a Strigoi or another opponent. There's still some comfort in it being a teacher." Ben says.
"Should we just capture a Strigoi?" Spiridon says grinning. Everyone looks at him until the smiles slips. "I'm kidding."
"Is that within the realm of possibility?" Victor asks the other two.
Dimitri looks thoughtful but Ben speaks first. "If this thing passes then we'll have to take measures like that. They'll need to be made of steel at sixteen."
"Steal their childhoods little by little." Spiridon mutters.
"I feel like a lot more kids won't take the Guardian route at all." Ben says. "Mothers won't send their kids to school to just be sent out unprepared, especially as the kids this will effect first will be like the trial period."
"Slaughtered." Spiridon confirms.
"That's another aspect that was discussed that I have not shared with you yet." Victor says looking grave. "There was talk of conscription."
"What?" Dimitri's mug comes down hard and I wince.
Spiridon's mouth is open and beside him Ben's face is colouring in anger.
"What's conscription?" I ask, snapping the taut air.
"Compulsory enlistment to Guardian service." Victor says gravely, rubbing his brow.
"From sixteen?" Spiridon hisses, leaning toward his boss. "Until when?"
"This isn't part of the law just something that was brought to the table." Victor tries to reassure.
"Until what age?" Dimitri asks deathly quiet and his hand is a fist on his thigh.
Victor sighs. "Twenty four."
"Eight years and then you can leave if you're still alive?" Ben seethes. "Is breeding going to be conscripted too?"
He'd said it in a way that it wasn't a question, mocking, but the hard press of Victors lips tells everyone there is an answer.
"The Guard will go into full fucking revolt." Spiridon bursts.
Ben is staring at Victor like he's never seen him before. I can't look at Dimitri so I make myself drink my coffee.
"So it is imperative that we do what we can to prevent this." Victor says finally.
It's quiet for a few minutes in which Ben is trying to recover and Spiridon is glaring at the table.
"Conscription sounds like what my life was like." I say, digging my spoon into the mulch with more anger than I intended. "No choices."
I feel them all looking at me but I shovel food into my mouth before I say something else.
"So I was kidding about the Strigoi." Spiridon's voice breaks the silence this time. "But are we doing that?"
"I'll pose the argument." Victor answers.
Spiridon looks to Dimitri. "So I guess we're going hunting." and then to Ben, "And your going to have to build a cage."
"Here?" I squeak.
"Don't be stupid." Spiridon rolls his eyes and I feel my face flame. "The school most likely. There's old cells there but they'll need fixed up."
"I think we should ask Tasha and maybe Christian to help." Dimitri says and I stiffen. "Make a stronger case of Moroi fighting along side us, even the playing field significantly."
"That would carry more weight if Lucas voices his support." Spiridon adds.
"That will be...difficult." Victor says rubbing his forehead.
"Dangle the leverage." Spiridon nods to me. "Or ask Christian to barter a ten minute phone call with them."
"Moira is near impossible to control at the moment."
"Anyone else filing a claim that they've been injured at work?" Spiridon asks with pure ice in his voice.
"She burned another member of staff and threw a plate at a Guardian." Victor answers tiredly.
"She'd be living nightmare if she was Made."
I give up trying to eat.
"Yes. So, I will return to the school tomorrow. Ben you will come with me and assess the cells. Dimitri you will also come and speak to Alberta as we will need clearance from her and Kirova to hold these...sessions."
"I am not baby sitting." Spiridon protests and then jerks like someone kicked him. He casts a look at Ben who is watching Victor studiously.
"You'll take Rose through training tomorrow." Dimitri says and I nearly kick him. "Laps and strength."
"No combat?"
"Blocks, maybe."
"I am not training with him." I bite out.
"Afraid Belikov's been taking it easy on you?" That usual glint is in his slate eyes.
"No, your just an ass. Sorry, Victor."
"Non-negotiable." Dimitri says calmly.
Soon after breakfast is cleared away I disappear into my room. I'm already sore today and tomorrow Spiridon is going to make training the most humiliating experience and what's worse is Dimitri is on board with it. All this 'non-negotaible' crap – that only applied to him training me, I respected him and wanted to learn. I'm only going to want to drown Spiridon whilst he easily pushes me around and laughs.
I could spit fire.
Natasha and Christian are being asked to help contribute to this big plan and I just have to sit here in this house being useless because I'm so far behind and can't do anything. And the Mistress is out there abusing other people and nobody is doing a damn thing about it.
I grab my candy and go make camp in the library with a new book. I try to concentrate but my mind keeps slipping away into angry vengeful thoughts where I shove her head in a fire and ask her how she likes it which makes my teeth ache from how hard I clench my jaw. Then it takes screeching turn when I remember telling him about how she burned me, to him placing kisses on my skin and how he'd looked knelt between my legs and -
The door opens and Dimitri steps in carrying a plate. I look down at my book.
"You didn't finish breakfast."
"Lost my appetite."
He sets the plate on the table and to my annoyance and delight he sits down on the other armchair.
"Is that why you have 1 kilogram of candy beside you?"
I purse my lips. "It's 700 grams actually."
"Eat 300 already?"
I intend to glare at him but his heads propped on his hand and he's smiling at me in a way that I forget to.
"I know your angry with me." He says quietly. "But Spiridon will take tomorrow seriously. Before and after training I can't guarantee he'll be tolerable. Try not to hit him."
"I'll hit him if he deserves it...or poison his food."
"Well if he deserves it I can't really argue."
I find my lips tugging upward and I give up trying to be irritated. I sigh, "I've been annoyed since I woke up and I'm not really sure why...and then, I don't know. Hearing everyone have a role to play, have something important to do, I just feel useless."
"And last night?" Immediately I blush even though I know that he's not talking about that. "Rose."
I meet his eyes. "I'm fine, honestly. I just...I allowed myself to think about before compared to how I feel now. We'd been talking about the past a lot. I hate crying, it makes me feel so…"
"So what?"
"Weak."
"You are not weak."
I try to smirk. "Did you not see my weights this morning?"
He doesn't allow it. "You are not weak. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met."
Another joke wants to leap off my tongue but I swallow it instead. I allow what he's said to settle and shine a light where those dark doubts had been hiding. I'd always told myself to not be weak, push past the obstacles and repeat the same thing. I'd never thought that made me strong.
His dark eyes search my face. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you this morning. I just thought you'd appreciate the sleep."
"Wake me next time."
"I will."
We stare at each other. The air gets heavier, building and I press my thighs tighter together. So different from the last time we were in this room. I can tell he's thinking the same thing as his fingers dig into the end of the armrest. The noises I'd heard him make...that I'd made him make...
He takes a deep breath. "We're leaving early tomorrow so I can observe Novice training and Victor can sit in on classes."
I grasp the topic. "Couldn't I go? Maybe not tomorrow but...I sat in classes in Estonia."
"I'll suggest it." He promises and then stands. "Eat your snack and please don't make yourself sick on sweets."
I show willing by sealing the candy bag and he smiles before slipping out into the hall.
I don't get time alone with him at all, or anyone, the rest of the day. Victor holes up in his office and they go between it and Ben's basement. I bring coffees and bake some things to leave out for snacks. I eat dinner in the library and finish in the late hours of the morning. I collapse into bed with just enough energy to kick my jeans off and ignore how sore my ass and thighs are. The next day I wake and curse myself for not stretching. Gingerly I step into my gear and make my way downstairs, it's not as bad those first few days. I flick on the coffee machine.
"And I thought you'd wuss out." Spiridon says from behind me.
"I thought you couldn't be bothered to get out of bed." I add sugar and milk to my coffee and hop up onto the island.
"Should I make dinner later? Will they be back?"
"Don't know."
Helpful.
"Hurry up. You have two hours of my time. Now 1hr 56m."
"I don't care about your time. I can run on my own." I say, even though I gulp a mouthful of coffee and slide down.
Outside is bitterly cold and my breath puffs out in front of me.
"We're jogging."
"How many minutes on?"
"All. Don't look at me like that. We're jogging and not running so you already have it easy"
I start stretching, thighs protesting the worst. I wouldn't make it the whole way around, maybe three quarters but I wouldn't whine to him. I'll go until I collapse. I anticipate Spiridon making comments about how slow I am, how I can't keep up, how I'm holding him back but he doesn't speak to me at all. I'm so busy wondering why the hell he's being quiet I don't realise we're over half way. I feel okay. I feel good. I can make it.
We get back to the green and I'm bubbling with pride which makes a change from wheezing.
"Why does Dimitri make me do that the other way? That was so much easier."
"Because the other way is harder. It's conditioning, your body cant get comfortably set."
That Russian Jerk.
"I'm showing you defensive blocks and then we're going to run."
"No weights?"
"Did I say weights?" I roll my eyes. He takes up a stance in front of me and my common sense tells me to be nervous. "I'm going to show you how block an attack and then I'm going to deliver the blow, so pay attention or it will land and it will hurt." I open my mouth but he talks over me. "Prepare your torso, tense your muscles. Taking a blow to the gut is a hell a lot worse when your not prepared, you probably know."
I do.
"You aren't going to hit me in the stomach...are you?"
"Maybe, if you don't block."
"You can't just use this as an opportunity to hit me."
"I owe you one. I actually owe you a few." Every time i've lashed out at him physically runs through my head. He might actually owe me more than a few.
I fold my arms. "I'm not doing this."
"Pussy." His flinty eyes challenge me and I know if I march back into that house he'll never stop taunting me about this. He wanted to push and harden me?
I glare at him. "Fine."
"So tense, and for a punch coming toward you redirect it. Go to punch me."
I eye him warily and throw out my fist which he catches from the inside with his forearm and pushes away. Despite part of me waiting for the trap it doesn't spring. He shows me how to block different punches slowly and then a bit faster. Then he doesn't tell me what kind of punch he's going to throw and I have to try and gauge it and block before it lands. Again he doesn't apply proper speed because I'd definitely be on my ass with a black eye.
I only get two of the blocks wrong and his fist glances off my shoulder and ear.
"Not bad but you need to work on your stance."
"You didn't say anything about stance!"
"You can't redirect if your going to fall over in the process. Brace your core, be light on your feet."
This time I block him but he puts more force behind it, so when I push it away I stumble. "And that's why you need to weight train and work on your balance. My PT time is up so do what you want, see you at lunch."
"You don't want breakfast?"
"I know where the cereals kept."
He saunters off without one bead of sweat on him. I look out over the lake, it's black surface with no white pearl in the dark silk. I drag the icy air into my lungs and set off, pushing myself faster, trying not to think about something chasing me along the lit path. Instead I imagine winning and having one single golden ask of Dimitri that he couldn't refuse. I run right out of the trees and onto the green with a triumphant yell.
I breathe in the victory. It wasn't monumental. It wouldn't save the world or change the age vote but it's mine, it's my small victory and it feels good.
I stand there looking out at the lake until the chill takes over.
Spiridon doesn't bother me the rest of the day which I take as a blessing. He only appears to put on a basketball game and lie on the sofa. He doesn't even complain when I put on music in the kitchen. I make a huge chicken casserole figuring that if they do come home they can help themselves. I hole up in the library with my new books and finish another one.
A female assassin who is quick with a dagger and even quicker with her snarky comebacks. There's also some weird, tense situation with the man she's hunting that makes me want to immediately read the next one. I'll have to go back to the mall.
They don't come home.
The next day I wake up with a tickle in my throat that won't go away no matter how many times I cough or drink. Spiridon makes me do more blocks, going over punches and then kicks. The punches are fast and I nearly miss every one but he tells me the fact I remember which blocks to apply is good. I make myself run even though the itch in my throat becomes more of an irritating scratch. The hot shower barely takes the chill out of my bones but eventually I feel better. I light the fire in the library and try to start another book but either its not as good as the one before or I'm extra tired because I can't concentrate.
I wake up to Spiridon standing over me and I sit up too fast, the room tilts.
"Are you alright?" He frowns.
"Yeah." My voice cracks on the word and I try again, clearing my throat. Yes."
"Have you been in here all this time?"
"Yes."
I notice the fires gone out and the rooms kinda chilly.
"Go eat something and check your phone. People are looking for you."
He leaves and I give myself a minute before pulling myself up. I feel weird and cold. I grab some fruit and a yoghurt from the fridge before retreating to my room. I pull on his hoodie and get into bed, flicking on the TV for background noise. I pull my phone out of the drawer and blink at the screen. Two missed calls from Dimitri, three from Lissa and six from Natalie.
I hit 'call back' under Dimitri and the longer it rings the more nervous I get. I'm about give up when it clicks.
"Hello."
"Hi."
There's a beat of silence and I nestle into the pillows. Then we speak at the same time.
"How are you?"
"Is everything okay there?"
He chuckles. "Everything is okay here. I've been assisting Alberta and other teachers. Trying to gauge how the majority of Novices feel."
"About the age vote?"
"Yes. Seems to be 50/50."
I grin. "Are you and Ben trying to scare them?"
"Ben is."
"You're not?"
"Oh, I don't have to try."
I laugh and the scratch doesn't like it. I push the phone under the covers so I'm not coughing in his ear.
"Sorry." I tell him, eyes stinging and watery.
"Are you okay?" He asks sharply. "How long have you been feeling unwell?"
"I'm fine. It's nothing." I can feel him about to argue. "When are you coming back?"
"Tomorrow. Ben is going to stay here and work on the cells. How long have you had a cough?"
I sigh. "I don't have a cough, I just coughed. That's it. Oh! I did three laps around the lake without stopping and Spiridon said they way we do it is harder."
"It is." He says, tone reluctant to let go of the cough argument. "So your running without me, isn't that what you called cheating?"
"Uh no, because I'm doing it in the allotted time that we usually do. It's not my fault you didn't show up. That's non-negotiable apparently." He laughs and for the first time today I feel warmth in my bones.
I pluck the cover. "I...I miss you."
"I miss you too." He says quietly and I can picture his face, the small smile and the melted gold in the earth.
"I'm going to win this bet."
He laughs again. "You'll give me a run for my money, that's for sure."
"Run for your...what?"
"It's a silly expression. You'll be a challenge for me, is what I mean."
"Yeah, because I'm going to win."
"Mhm hm."
"Could you be any more arrogant?" I demand.
"Confident." He corrects and then chuckles. "I can picture you scowling."
"I am not!"
"Mhm hm."
"Stop that." The laughter bubbles up and I try to clamp it back, the itch in my throat flaring.
"Yes, I'll be right there." I hear him say, voice further away and I guess he's talking to Alberta or someone else. He comes back to the phone, quieter. "I have to go but I'll see you soon."
I feel awkward, like there's a certain way I should say goodbye but I don't know what it is. "Okay. Bye."
"Cкоро." He says and after he hangs up I google how that word sounds, 'skoro'.
Soon.
I snuggle down into my pillows and ignore the hot nail scraping the back of my throat in slow and deliberate strokes. It's easier when I eat candy. I don't remember falling asleep or dreaming about anything but I wake up to someone shaking me.
"Whatsgoingon?" I mumble.
"You've overslept. You have 1 hour and 45 minutes of my time left." Spiridon's voice whips. "Unless you'd rather stay in bed and slack?"
"Bed." I say, already being pulled away.
I wake later and it takes a lot of effort to get out of bed. I feel sticky with sweat but I'm cold. I brush my teeth, wash my face but can't bring myself to change out of the clothes I slept in. Coffee will help me wake up. I make it out onto the landing and the tail end of Victor's voice comes from the kitchen. I hadn't checked the time, I haven't made anything bar the casserole and I'm sure Spiridon's wolfed it all.
"Look who's finally -"
The stairs tilt and then rush toward my face. Someone shouts and then punches and jabs land on my body, like I failed to block every hit from Spiridon in one go.
"Fuck." Someone hisses.
"Rose!" That's Dimitri's voice. He sounds close to angry and I try to peel back my eyes. "She's burning up."
"Spiridon call for Keith."
"Rose, please open your eyes." I find that hot scrapey feeling in my throat and pull myself up by it. I see his face briefly and then the coughing takes over.
"I'm fine." I try to push him off but my arm is heavy.
Then I have the sensation of being lifted and I fall away again. Voices come in and out of my dreams and I think I speak to them but I'm not sure because my mothers there and I'm not supposed to speak to anyone. She looks sad and she's never looked sad before. It scares me but I'm not supposed to speak. Eddie is shouting we need to leave and what way do we go but I can't answer him because I'm not allowed. I need to go back in the house, get away from the burning dust under my feet but the kitchen door is locked and Mary won't open it. When I look through the window, past the harsh glare of the sun bouncing off the glass, Lissa is inside at the dining table with Natasha. I start shouting to warn her, despite the rules, despite the shade falling over the yard but she doesn't turn.
"You're okay. You're safe."
I need to tell Eddie I'm sorry. I need to protect Lissa.
"Sleep, Roza. You're safe."
Something cold and soothing weighs on my forehead. I disappear again.
/
My throat doesn't ache, that's the first thing I notice when I surface. I'm alone in my room and my hoodie is missing. My joints pop as I stretch and sit up. Someone's tied my hair up in a very messy knot. I reach for the water on my bed side, wincing as aches pulse through my muscles. My phone says it's the middle of the afternoon so everyone will be asleep. Had I really slept that long?
I pad to the bathroom and grip the door jamb as a wave of dizzyness comes over me but I push past it. I feel disgusting and need to shower. Under the water I realise I've overestimated how much energy I have. I rub the shower soap over my skin in feeble swipes and lean against the wall letting the water sluice it off.
What is wrong with me? I'd never felt this bad after a workout.
I peer down at my body and notice a large purple mark on the side of my thigh. I rub a hand over myself and wince when it grazes my ribs.
"What the hell?" I prod it and hiss through my teeth. No way Spiridon had done that.
The bubbles run clear and I decide against washing my hair. That would mean shampoo, conditioner, then drying it and even the thought makes me dizzier.
I wrap my self in a towel, hands shaky, and lean against the counter, then sink to the floor. I could nap here.
There's a tapping in my head and I ignore it.
"Roza?" I sigh as the smell of citrus and warmth presses against me, then I'm weightless. "Roza, I need you awake for a few minutes."
I force my eyes open as he sets me on the bed. "I was just napping."
"I saw that. Would bed not have been a better place?"
"Too far." I mumble, swaying where I sit.
He comes back and I crane my head back to look up, nearly losing balance again. His hairs down and his sleeves are pushed up, showing the tan muscle of his forearms. He fusses with something between his hands and I wonder if he knows how handsome he is.
"Hold your towel." He instructs gently and I press the material to me as he slips a t-shirt over my head.
The material pools down over me. "This isn't mine."
"No, it's mine."
"Ah, my closet grows."
He kneels down and puts my feet through some shorts. "Hold onto my shoulders."
He pulls me up by my waist and I clutch him as he pulls the shorts up. He tugs away the towel and lowers me back onto the bed.
"Why are you up so late?"
"I was on the phone to Keith. I've been here."
"The whole night?"
"You've had a fever for nearly three days, Roza."
"Oh. Who's been feeding you all?"
He makes a little huff noise, like he's trying to humour me. "Back into bed."
I lie back and feel the bed shift with his weight. I grope the covers until he takes my hand, fingers lacing. "I'm so tired."
"Go to sleep." He says gently.
"Don't leave."
"Go to sleep. I'm here."
/
I finally wake with a clear head and more importantly, hungry. I'm alone again which isn't surprising when I check the time and it just after midnight. I change my shorts to leggings and pad out into the hall. There's a strip of light from under Victors office door and low voices. I check Dimitri's room but it's empty. I clutch the bannister and take my time on the steps.
Pieces of the last few days start to fit together. I'd fallen down the stairs, my head being lifted to drink water, being prodded by cold metal and finally having enough energy to go to the bathroom and showering.
Dimitri had said three days but was that yesterday? Or more days ago?
I open the fridge to inspect what we have, then the freezer. I shiver and wish I'd pulled on a jumper.
"You gave us the biggest fright." Victor's voice pulls me out from behind the fridge door.
He's dressed in grey slacks and a rich green jumper that makes his jade eyes brighter. Spiridon comes into the hall behind him and leans against the wall.
"Sorry." I say slowly because it seems appropriate...even though I didn't exactly choose to throw myself from one floor to the other. "What happened? What was wrong with me?"
"You had a very nasty flu. All that time spent in the Arizona heat did not prepare you for a proper winter. A foresight on our part I think."
"No, Dhampir's don't usually get ill. Especially not a cold." Spiridon says although it lacks venom.
"A flu." Victor corrects. "You've been in bed for nearly a week."
I blink. "A week?"
"Five and bit days." Spiridon says. "And you still don't look great."
"Thanks."
"Go back to bed Rose, we'll wait on you for once."
I didn't need to be waited on. Behind him Spiridon seems to think the same as his nose wrinkles but then he gives in. He jerks his head toward the stairs. "Go on. Tell me your order and I'll get it to you in 40 minutes or less."
The trip to the bottom stair makes me light headed and I notice Victor subtly gives me a wide berth, backing toward the living room.
"Pizza. Pepperoni and pepper." I tell Spiridon
It's on the tip of my tongue to ask where Dimitri is but I chicken out and concentrate on getting back to my room. The aches are back and my head pulses. I get some pain killers from my bathroom cabinet and throw them back. I pull on a jumper and find one of the movies Lissa recommended, soon I'm laughing...and coughing.
Spiridon comes in carrying the pizza box but holds it away from me. He points to my candy bag. "Trade."
I roll my eyes and hold it out to him. He flops down on the window seat. "I like this one. St. Vlad, you sound like a walrus when you cough."
I recover enough to drink some water. "I don't know what that is but I'm sure it's a compliment."
He sniggers. "And next time your dramatic entrance is cartwheeling down the stairs please try and stick the landing."
"Got it."
We eat and watch in silence. I'm so happy with my food I don't even feel irritated by him being near me until I notice how much of my candy he's eating. "If you leave me with hardly anything left I'll cough on your cereal."
He snorts but puts the bag aside and stands. "You're disgusting." He saunters out the door and then sticks his head back round to say, "She dumps the guy at the alter by the way."
"Dick!"
"Language!" Victor calls from his office and Spiridon laughs from down the hall.
I doze halfway down the bed with my pillow tucked under me and stir when the lights are flicked off. Fingers brush against my hair. I reach up and grasp them, already knowing who it is. I push up onto my knees and he folds me in, smelling like the cold night and citrus. I sigh into his neck.
"You scared me." He says against my skin.
Something in me rebels against the concern. "Spiridon said I cartwheeled."
He jerks back and his face is sharp, his cheekbones and strong brow enhanced by how tightly his hair is held back. "It's not funny. None of it was funny. You fell down the stairs and had a fever of 39.4. You were burning but mumbling how cold it was. Dhampir's don't get ill like that. You told me you were fine."
The guilt unfurls in my stomach. "I thought I was fine...I just felt weird."
"You should of told me."
"I'm not supposed to whine." I snap and he straightens at the word choice but his hands stay on my arms.
I needed to get a grip on my temper. He's the last person I want to fight with.
"I didn't mean it like that. I just mean...it has never mattered before if I'm sick. It costs too much and there's no use complaining. The last time I was ill Janine had to...it costs too much."
The guilt rolls out, thick and sticky.
"The price is never too high, not now." I'm already shaking my head and he takes my chin, pushing it up. "I know it's hard to accept help, to be vulnerable. I know. Take it from a man who was lying in bed for four and a half weeks. You are not a burden." My throat closes over and I'm trying not to look him in the eye because everything he's saying my instincts tell me are lies. He takes my silence for what it is, understanding the mistrust. "You are not a burden, Rose. You're...many things but never a burden."
I know he's not going to let me go until I say something but I don't think I can just accept that.
So instead I ask, "Many things?"
His lips tilt. "Yes. But not a burden, not to me, not ever. Understand?"
I nod and he leans in, making my stomach flip, but I pull back. "I'm all gross."
He laughs, low and rich. "I don't mind."
"Will you not get sick too?"
"At home the winters are harsh. I'm immune to the flu, trust me."
"Of course you're immune." I mutter and he seizes the opportunity to kiss me. It's just a feather light brush of his lips against mine but I feel everything in me pause, my breath, my heartbeat, my thoughts. I sigh when his lips leave mine.
"I missed you." I whisper.
"I missed you too." He swallows."How are you feeling now?"
'I'm fine' is poised on my tongue but I swallow it. "My muscles ache, not like after training, it's weird. My head hurts."
"Keith left a syrup that you were taking to bring down your temperature. There's a little left, you should finish it." He lifts my pillow to the head of the bed and I follow the unsaid instruction of climbing up and pulling the covers around me.
"I don't remember taking medicine. It doesn't feel like days have passed at all."
"You were very ill." He says quietly before retrieving a little bottle and pain killers from the bathroom.
"I'm sorry that you were worried."
"We worry about each other, that's part of it."
I let that settle in along with not being a burden and all the new things I was learning. It feels dangerous, like letting myself get too comfortable is asking for things to backfire.
"It...scares me to rely on you." I admit, my voice so hushed that I doubt he's heard me.
He offers me a spoon and the syrup bottle. It tastes like honey gone bad and I have to work to unscrew my face. He hands me water next.
"In time it will be less unnatural." He says, answering my faint whisper. "You're not relying on anything I'm not willing to give."
"That's the thing, it feels natural. It's just when I think about it."
"Going against your instincts."
"Yes but at the same time no."
"Adapting." He tucks the covers tighter around my shoulders and I suppress a grin at the gesture. He's so fussy. "I'll come back after sunrise."
"Where were you?"
"Assisting a class at the school. Spiridon is going tomorrow with Victor so I'll be here."
"Oh yay." I mumble and somehow my eyes are heavy. I'd slept for more than five days this is so dumb.
I surface when my bladder demands attention. Dimitri is beside me on top of the covers. His face is so different in sleep, so relaxed and unguarded. I stare at him until I'm in danger of wetting myself. On the way back to bed I make sure the door is locked and climb back in, taking a long drink of water he must have replaced. I manoeuvrer the covers so I can tuck myself into his side. I fall back asleep thinking about how I used to lock my door to keep everyone out and now I lock it to keep him in.
He wakes me when he's leaving to go to his own room. My heads foggy so I'm not sure we say anything but I feel him kiss my forehead. When I wake again it's well after midnight and I'm starving. I have enough energy to shower, wash my hair, dry it and get dressed. A wholesome smell hits me in the hallway and I follow my nose and stomach to the kitchen.
"What is that?"
Dimitri looks up from the pot he's manning, herbs falling from his hand. "White bean soup. My grandmother makes the best one but I'm a close second."
"It smells amazing. What's in there?"
"Paprika, potatoes, celery, garlic, white beans, smoked sausage and onions. How are you feeling?"
"Hungry." He shakes his head. "Better. Less achey."
"Good. That's very good."
"The bruise on my leg is crazy."
He stares down at the pot. "The one on your ribs was worse."
"How did...who else saw that?"
"Keith examined you." The idea of being unconscious whilst my clothes were lifted leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. He looks up and reads my face. He reaches out and takes my hand, lifting it to his lips. "I was there the entire time. Don't worry."
My shoulders relax. "Okay. Can I help?"
"Yes, slice the bread and lift out the butter."
We eat at the island and the soup is so filling and delicious I only touch the bread to mop up the bowl at the end.
"Good?"
I sigh, long and hard. "It was alright."
"You make nothing easy do you?"
"Nope." I grin and find him looking at me in that way again, a small smile on his lips. "What?"
He licks his bottom lip, begins to say something and then changes it to, 'I missed you.'
It's ridiculous how happy that makes me. "Prove it."
He raises his eyebrows. "Prove it?"
"Yes."
He stands and my pulse leaps. He swivels my chair so my back is to the island and steps up to my knees. He leans down and I tilt back until my shoulders touch the counter. Sometimes it catches me off-guard how tall he is, how broad his shoulders are, how solid his torso is and when he cages me in like this I become hyper aware of everything. What never changes though, is how safe it makes me feel.
He nose skims my cheek until he reaches my ear. "I don't think it's entirely possible to prove how I much I missed you."
"Try." I breathe.
My fingers curl into his t-shirt. I imagine pulling it up over his head so I can trace those lines and dips. He kisses just under my ear and I shiver. When he does it again but lower I turn my head, impatient, and capture his lips. I feel him grin until I show him how unfunny it is. I kiss him greedily and with abandon. No one is home or coming back soon and I need to fulfil every second with him.
I show him how much I missed him.
My knees part so he can move between them, close as possible and yet not close enough. One hand fists into my hair and tilts me where he wants me so his tongue can dip into my mouth, causing my knees to tighten against his thighs. I am a taut wire as he teases me, fraying as he draws this out. When he finally deepens the kiss, tongue sinking against mine, I whimper.
I'd had a fever for days and I hadn't felt myself burn up so quickly as I am now. My body remembers what he can coax from it, what else his mouth can do, and it aches for him to do it again. My fingers slide under his shirt, over those hard planes, and he shudders.
His body remembers me too.
He drags my knee further up his hip and I break away to gulp air. His teeth nip my neck.
"Is it the next time yet?"
"Hm?"
"You said you'd undress me next time."
The hand holding my knee tightens and slowly pulls me toward him, as if he doesn't realise he's doing it. I drag my fingers down his stomach to his belt and he sucks in a sharp breath.
"I did didn't I?" He says thickly.
He leans back to kiss me lightly and I know he's giving me the opportunity to change my mind, which is stupid because I suggested it. I'll happily take my own clothes off if he keeps hesitating. I lean into him and his arms snake round me -
I flinch with a razored gasp. His arm had pressed to the tender patch of my ribs.
Immediately he draws back.
"It's fine. I'm fine." I say quickly.
"You'd say that anyway." He replies, eyes darting around my face for a sign I'm lying. I can see the distance drawing out between us, see that he's already pulled himself back more than just physically.
I guess no one is taking their clothes off now.
"I'm sorry." He says. "I forgot and I should -"
"So did I." I shrug, trying to brush it off, but by the look on his face I know nothing I say is going to take us back to the minutes before.
He clears away the plates and utensils without a word. I take myself off to my room to take more painkillers and grab a book. Downstairs he's parked on the sofa and I plop down on the opposite end, tucking my legs up and leaning against the arm rest. He reaches out and pulls my socked feet into his lap and I guess the dark cloud over him is clearing.
I groan softly as his thumb finds a knot in my arch. "Are you warm enough?"
I think about it. "Yes. But no if you want to be a human blanket."
He shakes his head, lips tilting. Damn it.
He asks what my books about and I tell him briefly what I remember, having started this one when the flu was kicking in, but I tell him about the Assassin one and wanting to go back to the book store.
"I'm sure we can find some time."
"Could you get a day off?"
"I should be able to, after Thanksgiving."
I grin down at my page. Date number two.
"How was the class at the Academy?"
"It was good. Lissa is getting more confident and she managed to bring Natalie with her." I stare at the page processing and then look up. He's looking at me with a steady and open expression. "I assisted in Tasha's class yesterday. We thought having my presence would encourage more students to turn up. A demonstration on how both Moroi and Dhampir can work together."
It's all I can do to keep my face neutral as ugly feelings clash inside of me, wanting to sneer and snarl.
"Oh?" I say simply.
I know he can see through it but he doesn't prod. "Natalie didn't take part but she watched with another girl. Mason Ashford and Jesse Zeklos also came, although it was evident only Mason seemed to be interested."
"And how did you demonstrate working together?"
"Lissa and Christian attacked us. Lissa used air to a fan flames Christian created and Tasha tried to redirect or manage the fire whilst I slipped through the gaps."
"And punched Christian in the face?" I ask hopefully and he fixes me a look, a tinge of regret or guilt in it.
After telling him about the scars on my arm and how they got there, how I didn't believe for one minute that Christian didn't know about the slaves and knowing Tasha knew completely, I don't know what I expected from him. I know he understands my vehemence toward them, a hatred I'm only now allowing myself to peel back and understand after suppressing it under fear for years, but had I expected action? Had I expected him to act at all?
Is that relying too much on someone else?
But it's complicated. He doesn't know the whole truth. He had a friendship there and this wasn't just him spending time with them. He was teaching and helping Lissa, Mason, Natalie...it's more than how I feel about it.
And how I feel about it is not stable.
"I'm kidding." I say quietly. "Lissa wouldn't like that."
His hands switch to the other foot, kneading the tendons. The unstable feeling ebbs away and I find myself getting sleepy again.
"Natalie and Lissa aren't coming over any more are they?"
"No, they could catch your flu and it could be nearly as bad for them. Although Lissa was very unhappy about it."
I'll have to call them. I didn't like the thought of Lissa worrying although it does create a weird mix of guilt and comfort.
"Because not everyone is immune." I smirk down at my book.
He chuckles. "You realise winter in Serbia is four times as cold as it is now? So immunity was crucial."
"When will it snow here?"
"It already is."
I sit up so fast, pulling my feet from his lap, that he looks around in alarm. "What-"
But I'm already running to the utility closet for boots and a coat.
"Roza, you're ill. You can't go out into the cold." He scolds from behind me as I stomp into my shoes.
"Try and stop me, Belikov." He catches me around the arm as I try and barrel past. "I want to see!"
We stare at each other and I see the exact moment he realises he's not going to win this one.
"Wait." He instructs, letting me go. "Wait here."
I huff but do as he asks, bouncing from foot to foot, as he takes the stairs two at a time. The lights aren't on in the little garden but I can see shadows of flakes falling, at least I think I can.
He comes back with a hat that he pulls down nearly over my eyes and then he's wrapping thick, soft material around my neck. It nearly covers half my face and I tug it under my chin. "Dimitri!"
"Gloves."
I fumble them on feeling ridiculous. "Can we go now?"
He assesses me. "Ten minutes."
"Fifteen."
"Five."
"Hey!"
He pulls on his own coat and I more or less run to the kitchen door, ignoring him grumbling behind me, and throw it open.
My breath fans out in a thin mist, a wisp of wonder in the still cold night.
Everything is white and black. The green is covered in powdery snow, like a giant has sprinkled icing sugar. It glistens under the light and behind it the lake is utterly dark and undisturbed. The lights of the trail glowing specks in the trees. It's like a whole other world. I feel him come up behind me and I look down as one boot carefully steps out onto the powder. It crunches. I take another step and then another, until excitement has me running out onto the snowy patch, thrilled at the footsteps left behind me. The cold is in my lungs, clearing my head, chasing everything out but a keen awareness.
I kick the ground the snow sprays up in a white rainfall. An excited giggle parts my lips and I do it again.
"You grew up in this?"
He's leaning against the door with a small smile on his lips, eyes as dark as the water. "Not exactly like this, more like knee high and with wind like God was blowing in your face."
I grin bigger. "No wonder you had to be so tall."
He laughs and despite the cold in my lungs a warmth cackles in my chest like the library's fire.
I scoop up the snow in my hands and throw it above me, frozen confetti.
"Five minutes." He says and I scowl. "Non-negotiable."
"This isn't training!" I protest.
"We're in my arena." I open my mouth to argue this but he beats me to it. "Roza, please."
I huff out a breath. "Well, seeing you said 'please'."
I had no doubt he'd throw me over his shoulder if I refused. Stupid flu. Stupid body.
I tip toe, hop, jump, and run over the green, decorating it with different paths and footprints, evidence that I'm here. I run around like a child and for once I don't care. I don't care that he's watching and probably thinks I'm being ridiculous. I stop to assess the map I've created which is a complete mess in what was a smooth canvass and then snow splatters across my shoulders. I blink at the flakes and crystals peppered all over my coat.
Dimitri is crouched by the backdoor, a wicked smile on his handsome face as I stare in disbelief. He reaches out and starts moulding snow between his hands.
"Don't you dare." He raises an eyebrow and stands in one fluid motion. "I'm not well."
"Oh, so you remember." He tosses the white ball between his bare hands. "Come inside or I'll do it again."
"You wouldn't."
And I just have enough time to register the glint in his eye before his he snaps his arm back and I dive out of the way. I start snatching up snow and trying to pat it together like dough but when I turn he's not by the door any more. The back of my neck prickles and I duck, snow arcing above my head. I turn and blindly throw my ball of snow which splatters against his chest. I don't have time to be smug about as he darts toward me. I squeal and take off across the green anticipating snow hitting the back of my head. I whirl near the treeline and find him a few feet back snowball ready in his hands.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" I taunt.
"Didn't seem right throwing it with your back turned... and you're being unbelievable cute."
"Stop trying to distract me by saying nice things."
He looks amused. "Nice things?"
I watch his footsteps as he prowls closer. "Mhm."
"If you come inside now I won't throw this. Deal?"
I consider how far away the path into the woods is. "No."
"So stubborn and for the record, I wasn't trying to distract you. I was being honest."
"Yeah, well -"
Snow explodes against my chest.
"You sonvubitch!"
I jump as he appears right in front of me grasping my upper arms. The smell of citrus is sharper in the freezing air. His breath tickles my cheek. "Plokhiye slova iz krasivogo rta."
Bad words from a pretty mouth.
"I know worse words." I growl.
He chuckles. "I don't doubt it. Inside, now please."
I don't protest, now that I'm standing still I can feel the icey air biting at me. I really don't want to wake up and find out I missed Christmas.
Inside, when I'm out of all my chilled wrappings, he makes us hot chocolate, showing me how you need to make it on the stove with milk instead of hot water. He then reaches up to the top of the cabinets and pulls down a chocolate bar.
"There are no more hidden up there so please don't scale the counter."
"That's exactly what you would say."
Spiridon, Ben and Victor come back a few hours before dawn. I'm dozing on the sofa and at some point Dimitri's thrown a blanket over me.
"You look well." Victor says with a tired smile. There's flecks of snow in his ebony hair.
"Better maybe, I wouldn't say well." Spiridon says.
"Nobody asked you." Victor replies exasperated, pulling off his leather gloves that Spiridon takes from him as well as his coat.
"Nobody ever does." Spiridon sighs dramatically.
Ben plonks himself down at my feet. "How you feeling, kid?"
"Far better. Only have a headache. I'm still tired."
"Living here your always going to have a headache. It's not the flu's fault."
I grin and he winks. His brown hair is longer than I've ever seen it and there's shadows under his eyes.
"Are you okay?" I ask quietly, aware of Spiridon flitting around.
He shrugs and presses his lips together as if to say 'No but there's nothing I can do'. Sonya must not be any better but I don't want to ask. So instead I ask about the cells and he talks about that easily. He crafted new bars and Victor, with help with another teacher who's element is earth, infused them. Half of them are done but when I ask if they really are going to put Strigoi in them he mutters 'I hope not'.
Two days later and I feel completely back to normal, less tired, no aches, no head aches, no cough but then it's like the world thinks this is funny and sends my period. Another five days of pain and misery. My training suffers more. I can't do anything with stupid light weights and Dimitri makes me only do body weighted stuff and we take light jogs with more time 'off'. Between the flu and this I feel set back months. I realise that this must be a fraction of how frustrated Dimitri must have felt or is feeling. The only good thing about my period is it amps up my appetite and I manage to put back on the weight I lost when I was sick.
I work on more blocks with Spiridon when Dimitri's at the school.
The Sunday before Thanksgiving Victor hands me pages of hot paper with the seating plan, the list of caterers, the menu, the order of how dinner will proceed and the guest list with a brief summary beside some names. A few names stand out more than others.
Mason Ashford
Natalie Dashkov
Vasilisa Dragomir
Christian Ozera
Natasha Ozera
"You're responsible for the night going smoothly." Victor says, snapping my attention back to him. "Glasses are to be filled at all times. Make sure the caterers are clear on that. Everything to your standard, Rose."
Great. This is just great.
/
Hello my lovelies.
Now, after such a sizzling chapter i hope you're not disappointed. I did mean/plan to get to Thanksgiving but I'm really against skipping time for the sake of it and I also feel like it wouldn't serve the story. I'm going to be in DPOV next - the man's been busy and I want to be able to explore his thoughts and emotions a bit more
Also, i've taken the time the past week to set up a Pa-tr-eon (this word keeps getting deleted) which feels very cheeky - the audacity. Over there I've explained a bit more about it's purpose but it would offer some short stories to do with sub plots. The likes of Spiridons POV, a snap of Janine's past (which i will get to in this main story), Olena and Randall, custom bits etc.
I fully don't expect it to get a huge amount of interest and again, super cheeky of me but if you feel like checking it out then I've created an instagram account for the story: tempermeinfire_ and the link is there. More places to interact with everyone too which is a MAJOR plus xxx
*I also lied about 60 chapters. My word count and plots have spun out a bit further.