Temper me in fire

by voldobaby

The world of Moroi and Dhampirs is very different, political turmoil has opened up a vacuum in which illegal and immoral actions can transpire, such as slavery of Dhampirs. Rosemarie Hathaway is born into slavery in Arizona. Her life revolves around tending to her chores and making herself inconspicuous. But that all changes when Mr.Dashkov and his Guardians arrive

50. Chapter 50

RPOV.

One minute Dimitri is holding my face and saying things to me that resonates with something I've always tried to extinguish, push down, ignore, and stamp out before it got me killed – and then he's jumping out a window as Mason comes into the library.

He flinches at the cold I'd been finding easy to ignore.

"What are you doing in here? It's freezing."

If I didn't have alcohol in my system I'm pretty sure I would seize up and come out with utter nonsense, or maybe I'm about to come out with utter nonsense but I'll just be confident about it.

"Rose?" He prompts, looking a bit concerned.

"I wanted to be alone for a few minutes." I hear myself say. "Thinking about...stuff."

Surely that sounded fine?

He nods a touch of sympathy in his soft blue eyes. "It can be a hard holiday. Lissa explained about your bracelet."

My bracelet. I caress the delicate chain, the golden oval encasing the eye and my throat tightens. I hadn't said anything about it to Dimitri, I hadn't thanked him and I'd come looking for him because I had so much I wanted to say to him and instead…

My lower belly lurches and heat licks up my spine.

I clear my throat. "It's...it's more than I can talk about."

He nods, stepping toward me and gently taking my wrist so he can see. I want to tug my hand back but it seems rude too. "You had the necklace before or something?"

Or something.

Now I do pull away. "Yes, I lost it. Can we go back downstairs? I'm cold."

He proffers his arm with a grin and feeling guilty I take it. He'd been so attentive to me tonight. Between him, Lissa and Adrian, I'd been distracted from the flipping feeling in my gut, the constant warning that Natasha and Christian are here and that Victor needs everything perfect.

So far it wasn't perfect. Adrian had shown up and I nearly hyperventilated, worried that there wouldn't be enough food even though I knew there was more than enough. And they'd all ignored dessert. Except for Mason and Adrian, the latter only shovelling it into his face because I was getting so stressed I'd been at risk of crying.

Stupid body.

We reach the top stair and everything I'd found in the sanctuary of the library is chased out of me, anxiety and stress snapping at my heels every step down into the room.

Why hadn't I spoken to him about the things bouncing around in my head? He would have known the right thing to say, would have calmed me, and now he's not in the room. He'd jumped out the damn window.

I hadn't thanked him for the bracelet. Lissa told me the details, the chain and engravings at the oval, had been from his memory and that's where they'd gone off to when we're at the Mall.

I nearly hadn't accepted it from her. Couldn't think past the engulfing guilt and emotion as she explained to me the thought they'd put into it and how they'd been plotting. I couldn't stop the tirade of memories of seeing Janine and Dimitri clasping hands, blood smearing them as they part and her voice telling me to wait so she could enclose the necklace in my fist. She'd told me not to cry and I'd left. I'd left without looking back or touching her or thanking her. I'd just left.

"Have we got it wrong?" Lissa asked gently, tears streaking my face and I still couldn't speak. "If...If we overstepped I'll take it off. Please don't cry, oh Rose, please."

I hadn't said anything to her. I'd just left and then I'd lost it, lost it to that man who'd ripped it from my neck in a room of broken glass and fire.

Lissa was holding my hand, her thumb moving in soothing circles and drawing back the agony. When I could bring myself to look at her, her green eyes were shining too.

"I love it." I told her and her arms went around me in a hug that made me able to breathe again. She's the second person that makes an embrace feel like a destination.

"We need to fix our make-up." She says, with a small laugh that's infectious.

"Please show me, Natalie just made me sit still and went mad."

"She is very demanding. Although, she'd never gotten into the shower with me before."

I giggle, wiping under my eyes. "That was weird."

A lesson on leg shaving without cutting myself to ribbons which hours later I am grateful for. My legs are so smooth and shiny I keep rubbing my calve with my foot.

I wonder if Dimitri noticed.

My face starts to heat and I will myself to calm down. We reach the foyer as Spiridon saunters past.

"Don't give me a reason to put you on your back, Ashford." He remarks, stuffing what looks like a hunk of potato into his mouth.

I feel Mason stiffen under my hand and I glare at the stupid blonde. "Don't give me a reason to punch you in the crotch again."

Spiridon sniggers and disappears into the kitchen. Music has been turned on as per my instructions. It had been nerve-racking and somehow satisfying to have six people listening intently to me and how I needed the night to go, giving them all a copy of the order of things that I'd wrote out.

"Why did you punch him in the dick?" Mason muses.

"I mean, you've spoken to him right?"

He laughs and I'm relieved. Earlier on the green had been horrible. Mason's embarrassment and helplessness had been palpable. I knew in my mind why Dimitri was doing it, to prove a point about the age vote but that didn't help how I felt about it. I'd felt like I didn't know him. He'd been this stoic figure, guardian mask on, remote and cold. He came at Mason with unforgiving force and something in me wanted to step back. It was one of the things I'd wanted to talk to him about but when I'd found him in the library it was like finding the other him. A small smile, coffee-colored eyes, and his expression tender and relaxed. I'd been so happy to see that that all the pressing issues had gone out of my head.

I would be requesting next year off from Thanksgiving. Ben and I could go to the place that shows new movies. I'd pay.

Mason leads us over to Adrian, Natalie, and Ralf who are closest. Natalie is on Ralf's knee, her rich burgundy dress brushes the floor in a silken waterfall. I'd thought wearing my dress was too much, even though it's less material, but everyone was dressed up. Lissa looked stunning in a pale pink dress, the thin sleeves fell off her shoulders and her blonde hair is down and curled. Lissa's mother, who looked like Lissa only older, is in a pale grey jumpsuit with pearl accessories and Natasha is in a purple dress that leaves her back exposed. The men all were in smart shirts and jackets.

It was enough to make me feel like I wasn't dressed up enough.

You are the most devastating beautiful woman I have ever seen. You amaze me every damn day and don't let anyone make you feel like you don't belong in the room. Understand?

I'd felt the thing that I kept locked away answer him.

I set my shoulders and Adrian looks up as we approach, a different glass of wine in his hand this time. "I'll have you know I ate Andre's dessert too, so there is no reason to start throwing the good china."

"Why would-" Mason begins and Ralf's already shaking his head.

"Because that's what happens at family holiday parties. Someone gets upset and smashes things." Adrian explains with an air of exasperation.

"Right…" Natalie agrees and then turns to Mason. "If you want to throw a plate at Daddy or Dimitri, I'll back you up."

She's angrier with Victor than she's showing. She'd been annoyed earlier when we were getting ready, talking about him capitalising on her favourite holiday but now, after Mason went through that whole thing outside after he'd been invited as a guest, she's really angry. Lissa had been working hard to calm everyone down. Christian hovering close to her, whispering in her ear and laughing quietly with her. I know whatever it is between them has gone beyond anything I could prevent. Just like Dimitri and I had.

Mason's face is tight. "I'll pass thanks."

"I'll do it. Although, if Goliath comes for me I'm pretty sure I'll scream." Adrian says. He points his glass at me, swaying slightly. "Do you remember when he caught us sneaking back to your room? I felt my soul leave my body."

"And then you walked off and left me to deal with it." I recall, coolly.

He grins. "Good times."

I roll my eyes. He offers me his wine and I shake my head. The golden champagne had gone straight to my head and I wanted to make sure my feet were definitely on the ground before I drank anything else.

Adrian takes another gulp, eyes narrowing, and he gestures to my arm. "How'd you do that."

All four of them look at me.

"What?" I look down at my dress, expecting to see it still hitched around my hips.

God.

"Your arm." Adrian reaches out and brushes over the scars there.

Natalie's eyes dart to mine. "A waiter spilled soup on you right?"

Ralf grimaces sympathetically but Mason is leaning around me so he can see.

"It doesn't look like a spill." Adrian says, emerald gaze sharper than it has been all night. "It looks like…"

"It's rude to talk about people's insecurities, Adrian." Natalie snaps.

"I'm not insecure." I retort and I wasn't, not of how it looks but of what it means, who it ties me to.

"It's still rude."

Adrian's sharp eyes meet mine and I feel my heart miss a beat. "Apologies."

I shrug and try and play it off, taking a flute from a passing tray.

"Victor." Natasha calls from the other side of the room. "Is there any red wine left?"

Shit.

Victor, who's seated between Christian and the Headmaster of the Estonian school, opens his mouth to reply but his eagle eyes find me. The look is stern and my stomach drops. I excuse myself and dart to the kitchen as fast as I can in these ridiculous heels.

"Is there any red wine left?" Anger mixing with fear.

The server closes to me shrugs, looking around at the counters like bottles will appear.

Shit.

"What's the problem, kid?"

I exhale and turn to Ben, his presence settling my knotting stomach. "Did the caterers bring more wine?"

He nods, "Yeah we put it in the basement. I'll bring it up."

My shoulders relax. "Thank you."

"Don't let her get to you." He says, quietly.

I exhale. "She's not."

He winks and then he's gone. I wait in the kitchen and tidy up already tidy counters, empty bottles gathered in the corner and the servers flit in and out, some stepping out onto the green for a break. Ethan Moore passes the window on his patrol.

Ben comes back with two boxes of bottles, white and red.

"Thank you!" I kiss his cheek and he makes a 'urgh' noise but he's smiling.

I grab a red and start toward the living room when he catches me. "What are you doing?"

"She asked for wine and I-"

He pulls the bottle from my hand and turns to Dhampir coming inside from the cold. "Could you see Ms. Ozera's glass is refilled?"

I open and shut my mouth, my mind beginning to override the anxiety. This is my home. Not her brothers. This is not a place for her to order me around and there wouldn't be one again. I didn't have to run to her side and fill her glass, eyes to the ground, scared I'll spill it and terrified of the next words spoken.

I belonged in the room too.

I exhale. "Thank you."

He touches my shoulder. "You've got this."

He waits until I nod and then with a final squeeze of my shoulder he strides back to the living room.

Lissa pops her head around the corner. "Stop disappearing! I have to listen to Adrian and Andre's disgusting college stories without anyone to pull faces at."

I grin at her. "Natalie finds them funny?"

"Worse. Informative."

I rejoin our little group, ignoring Christian at Masons' side, and find Adrian staring at me. His glass is full again and he's swaying like there's a faint breeze.

"What?" I ask, missing out on what Mason's explaining that involves firecrackers.

"You're...all over the place."

I frown. "Speak for yourself." He shakes his head, eyes darting around me like he can see insects buzzing. "I was a bit stressed. I haven't done any of this before. I wouldn't have actually cried before."

"Not what I meant." He mutters into his glass.

Lissa's staring at us from the opposite side of our little pocket. She smiles quickly as the rest of them erupt in laughter as Mason finishes. Behind her, Dimitri strides back into the room, hair tousled from the winter wind and his top button still undone. His hair-tie is around my wrist.

I track him until he turns to take his post by the window, standing impossibly straight and proud. His gaze slides to mine and I'm back in the library. The hard expanse of his chest at my back and all I can smell is citrus and snow. My blood is molten and all I can know is him, his touch demanding things I need to give, need to chase, as he whispers in my ear.

"Oh, that is fucked up." Adrian's hard blunt voice clubs me over my head.

"What?" I come back to the room, sucking in air.

Everyone is looking at us. Adrian's outburst halting whatever the new topic is from Ralf.

"What is?" Masons asks.

The way Adrian is staring at me makes me want to run. Shades of disgust and disbelief creasing his face but then it clears, a counter wiped clean, and he looks to the others. "Nothing, just thinking aloud. Rose, you said you'd give me a tour of the garden. Excuse us."

He has me by the elbow and is steering us toward the door before I can protest. We stumble out into the bitter cold and I seize up.

"Adrian, what the hell?"

He rounds on me. "You and Goliath?"

"I – who?"

"The Russian one." He says between his teeth.

My mind reels, my stomach drops, and everything seems to slow and speed up.

"What?" I say, trying to sound and look dumb.

He makes an exasperated noise and rifles in his pockets for a cigarette. "I'm saying this once because honestly, I'm sick of playing court jester, you know I can walk through dreams, and now I know, that just before, you lit up like a fucking comet when he walked in. It was blinding. Thanks for that."

Now I'm not trying to sound or look dumb at all. "I...lit...what?"

He takes a long draw, peering at me. "Oh shit, I compelled that part didn't I?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Estonia. I apologised for making you forget something, remember?"

I nod slowly, "You were trying to find things out for your father."

"And also mentioned I can see auras but retracted that part."

"What the hell's an aura?"

"I can't believe I have to explain this again." He rubs his brow and I want to slap the stupid cigarette out of his hand.

"Well, who's fault is that?"

"Mine." He takes another long draw and I wrap my arms around myself, trying to grope for an excuse or explanation which seems impossible when I still don't understand how he knows but I'm sickeningly aware that he does. "The short version is, everyone has colours around them, like to identify their moods or their essence. Yours just lit up like the fourth of July, so, as I was saying, what the fuck is that about?"

I'm trying to process but the silence is demanding. "I...Please, don't tell anyone."

"That your sleeping with your friend's Guardian, your brothers' colleague, your foster dads' staff?"

My face is burning and I'm spluttering. "I am not having sex with him. With anyone!"

"Oh, shit. Poor Mason. I thought when you came downstairs with him and there was gold and...or do you like him too? No judgement. Well, for the tall one there is."

I shove his shoulder and he stumbles. "I'm not sleeping with anyone!"

"Ow! Alright, alright. So what is it? You have a crush on him or something?"

I open my mouth to deny it and then remember something Spiridon told me, the best lies have a little truth. "Yes."

Adrian's nose wrinkles. "It's a bit more than a crush."

"I...yes."

"But you haven't slept with him? And you don't plan to? Again not my business but in the spirit of this straight-laced honesty thing we have going on out here in this space only – I'm not stupid. And you know I don't believe you came from a community but that's a whole other thing." He takes a deep breath, trying to run the hand holding his wine through his hair. "What I'm trying to say is, I don't want you taken advantage of."

I blink because it's the only thing I'm capable of. Then in a rush, I see Dimitri slouched at the kitchen island, looking remote, saying things to push me away and where he'd made me angry, Adrian echoing it is making me desperation claw up my throat.

"Like you took advantage." I snap and he cringes.

"Yes." He says, guilt plaguing his face. "And you know I'm sorry. You know that right?"

I purse my lips and snow skitters against us as the wind picks up. "Yes, I know."

His shoulders relax.

"So, you're not sleeping with him?" He presses.

"I'm not sleeping with anyone!" It comes out with a hysterical edge, causing him to lean back, and inside Rhea looks over her shoulder.

"Alright! God, maybe you should and then you wouldn't be so wound up." He takes another long drag and I'm just gaping at him, trying to replay the last five minutes in my head for a better explanation as to how this is happening. "He's attracted to you too so watch that. Well, I think he is. I thought it was directed at Christian's sister seeing hers spikes toward him. Wow, what prime drama."

I reach for his wine glass again and he gives it willingly. All the processing in my head is getting stuck and jumping backwards and then forwards.

"It's his aunt." I correct, after taking a massive drink and he shrugs.

The more anxious I'm getting the more he seems to have relaxed.

He exhales smoke, peering at me through it. "It's nice to have things laid out in the open, isn't it? Then there's no getting confused."

I am very confused and I need to sit down. "You...walk dreams and see colours."

"I am a hippies wet dream, yes." I take another massive gulp. "Better?"

"No."

"I won't say anything about your thing for Guardian Goliath."

"Dimitri."

"Whatever."

"Why...why even tell me about that? I mean...why?"

He takes a final draw and throws his cigarette down. Great I'll have to get that later. "Imagine being locked in a room with lights flashing on and off, and then someone shines a torch right in your eyes. Couldn't help but react. And you already know one thing and haven't told anyone, so why not the other? Also, Lissa knows."

My knees nearly give out. "Lissa knows what? About you or me?"

"Me." He says simply. "I thought she might be like me...and she is a little."

He starts saying something else but I hold up my hand to shut him up. I need a minute or a day or another drink. I take some deep breaths and centre myself like I'm about to train.

"Lissa, is like you?"

"Yep. We should probably go back in now or move over to that heater. I can't feel my toes and other extremities."

I follow him over to it and he flicks it on, orange-hued heat bathes us. "Lissa?"

He fixes on me, looking soberer than he has in the past hour. "She healed you on Halloween."

"She…" I remember how sick I'd felt, how out of control and tipping over an edge I wouldn't have come back from after drinking the contents of Jesse's flask. She'd been sitting with me, rubbing my back, as I gulped water and came back to myself. Then I'd nearly felt sober again when we came back from the bathroom.

"You remember? Yeah, that shocked the shit out of me too."

"Stop swearing." I mutter, wheels spinning in my head.

Earlier, that grief was a punch to my gut, hollowing out a hole ready to consume me. She'd been holding my hand then too, and it just...started to drain away.

"What does any of this mean?" I ask.

"That I'm not insane. A major plus."

"Lissa...hasn't specialised." I think aloud, just saying random pieces of things I knew.

"Nor have I."

My gaze snaps to his. "Has Lissa compelled me before?"

He looks uncomfortable but not guilty. "I don't know. Uh, she knows that you know about the dream stuff though. She was harder to convince. She can't do it, we tried."

"I feel like... you're about to say this all a joke and I'm really stupid."

"Neither." He says with a light smile. "Are you mad?"

"Is my colour mad?" I ask drily and he snorts.

"Doesn't work like that, little one."

I need more wine. I touch the bracelet with my fingers. "Should you have told me about Lissa? I mean, isn't this her private business?"

"Are you not going to keep it private?"

"Of course I will! Who else knows?"

"Just you." He says happily and I have the urge to shove him again.

"And you won't tell anyone about Dimitri?" I ask, the words hard to push out.

"Ah Victor, thanks for dinner, by the way, Rose is walking solar flare when she thinks about the USSR. Sounds insane, no?"

"What the hell are you tal-"

"Oh my god, no. No, I won't say anything."

I grope for more of the lie. "It's embarrassing and he'd get in trouble."

He looks at me, that intent look like he's trying to see through a frosted window. "Rose, I mean this, do you feel safe being here?"

My brows knit. "This is the place I've felt the safest."

He looks troubled and then it connects. My old fears, Alec. "Adrian, I swear nothing is going on."

"You should keep it that way." I bite my tongue, hard. I'd lie over and over again to keep this. To keep him. "I'm sorry about springing this on you. That might have been a bit impulsive but... it was like being in a dark room and then a torch hitting my eyes."

"Er, sorry?"

"So...have you always been hot for the strong, unnervingly- silent types or?"

I cringe. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Mhm...you're all over the place again."

"Stop that!"

"I can't help it!"

The door opens and we both whirl on Natalie.

"Rose, I've been told to tell you that if you don't put on a coat Spiridon gets to decide your training regime for the next week. Non-negotiable."

Non-negotiable. I half turn toward the glass but stop myself. If I'm lighting up or whatever it is Adrian can see I can't look at him right now. Adrian's smirking like it's happening anyway.

"What are you two in cahoots about?"

"We're planning on running away together." Adrian answers.

Natalie smirks. "I don't think Mason would be too thrilled about that."

"I'm not particularly happy about it either," I respond and Adrian looks wounded.

"Come back in, it's freezing."

Adrian fires his cigarette into the snow and offers me his arm. Nearing the ajar door I slow us down.

"Adrian-"

"I won't say anything. Promise."

"I won't either."

He winks. "I knew you were a good choice."

I roll my eyes and we step back into the warm house. The chatters louder and the laughs more carefree. The blonde headmaster is holding onto Eric's shoulder laughing so hard his face is red. Lissa and her brother seem to be arguing in hushed whispers near the stairs.

"What that about?" I ask Natalie, who's taken back her seat on Ralf's knee.

Mason looks between me and Adrian as he takes a sip of his beer. I try to make my smile seem innocent or reassuring as it occurs to me what it might have looked like. Adrian flops down at Ralf's side and I sit down by Mason which makes him immediately brighten. I try not to notice that Dimitri's talking to a woman, Alina Balan, looking intrigued to whatever it is she's saying, more emotion than he usually shows.

I catch Adrian smirking at me and I scowl.

"Urgh, who knows. I love Lissa but it takes little for her to lose her shit sometimes." Natalie answers, craning her neck to look over. Rhea was now standing between her children, reprimanding them, her lovely face stern.

"Nice chat?" Mason asks boldly, looking between me and Adrian.

Adrian shrugs.

"I hardly know what Adrian's talking about most of the time." I answer honestly, causing Adrian to snort.

"Adrian's on a wine cruise." He says, resting his ankle on his knee. He holds his glass up to a passing server who fills it for him.

"I was bored without you." Masons says, looking appeased and turning toward me so his back is to the others.

I can't think of anything to say, half my mind still processing my conversation with Adrian and the other half trying not to look or think about Dimitri. I offer him a smile and reach for a drink from a passing tray.

"Are you coming to the Lodge for winter break?"

"She is." Natalie supplies and Ralf squeezes her hip, giving her a look.

Mason is undeterred by her. "And what about our winter dance?"

"Winter dance?"

"Yeah, I mean the dance is kinda lame but the after parties are fun and the teachers give seniors a free pass to a lot of things."

I see Natalie open her mouth but Ralf nudges her again, talking louder to Adrian.

"I don't know. I've never been to a dance."

"Come with us, with me." He grins, blue eyes alight with a quiet confidence that makes me feel a pang of guilt.

I make a show of considering it. "Maybe."

He grins like I've set a challenge and I take a long drink of my champagne, almost choking as the bubble all surge back up my throat. It's not as nice as the drinks at Halloween but better than wine. Plus my fingers get all tingly pretty fast.

"I'm sure Dimitri would be happy to accept! What a generous invitation." Victor's voice cuts through a lull of chatter. "Romania is beautiful in the spring. I'm sure Natasha would be interested as well."

"What are you volunteering me for?" Natasha asks, turning away from Christian and Aleksander, a graceful smile on her lips. She doesn't look at all affected by her conversation with Dimitri. After Natalie took a mouthful of snow earlier we'd scurried down the stairs to beat them inside and I'd expected Natasha to look upset, whisper her goodbyes to Victor, and clear out, taking Christian with her. Wishful thinking. She'd glided back in looking completely put together. The dark staining around her hem was the only sign the conversation had happened.

"Sorry, I'm forever overstepping like that." Victor laughs but beside him Dimitri is furious.

To everyone else he looks just as unapproachable as he did when he stood at his post but I knew, I could feel it.

"Alina said she would float the idea of mixed combat classes to her faculty and graciously asked if Dimitri would be interested in coming to instruct. Then, I overstepped, as usual, thinking that you'd best be going together since this is something you've both been working on."

"I would love to!" She enthuses, gracefully coming toward them. That stupid perfect dress swishing around her legs.

The Romanian headmaster is hard to read, not like a Guardian where they seem impassive, you can see she's thinking but she doesn't indicate to what it might be about. "It was a suggestion."

"This holiday has sucked." Natalie says, taking a long drink of her wine.

"I'm not gonna lie, it has." Adrian says, draining his glass. "I expected family fun, not politics. I would have gone to my own house for that."

"You weren't invited." I remind him again. "So this is your fault."

"I don't even know why I was invited." Masons says.

"You don't?" Adrian muses and Mason frowns "Come on, am I the only one that knows that whole battle fiasco was staged?"

"I didn't know he was going to ask me." Masons defends.

"No, you didn't but I'll bet if there was a service sheet for today then 'Novice smackdown' would have been between the main course and dessert."

A silence follows between us and Adrian waves over another server, not caring white wine is spilled into his glass turning it a shade of pink.

"Am I wrong, Nat?"

Natalie's face pinches as she looks at Mason's angry one. "If it helps, I'm furious with him. I didn't know they were going to do that. I thought you'd been invited because of how well you spoke at school."

Mason's glare slips over to Dimitri, "What an asshole."

"But he was right." It's out of my mouth before I can stop it, champagne having loosened my tongue.

They're all staring at me now. Adrian with amused raised eyebrows.

"How was he right?" Ralf asks.

"Well, you weren't ready." I say to Mason, trying to soften the words with my tone. It doesn't work.

"Of course I wasn't ready! I'd already been drinking and I didn't exactly think I'd been invited over to demonstrate my abilities."

"Exactly." Ralf says, backing his friend. "I love your dad, Nat. You know I do but that was fucked up."

"Did I say it wasn't?"

"Shouldn't you be ready all the time?" I return, not seeming able to leave the argument alone. "And it's not like your drunk.

Mason's powdery blue eyes harden. "I hardly think your one to criticize, no offence."

"I don't think she was criticizing." Adrian says.

"Nobody asked you."

"Everyone should just stick to what they know. Mason knows what he's doing, no one here has a right to an opinion on that." Ralf sides.

"Everyone has rights to an opinion." Adrian says, laughing slightly.

Lissa and Christian have joined the little-trip-to-Romania party by the table.

Ralf shifts and Natalie has no option but to get off his lap or fall onto the floor. She perches on the coffee table. "You think you have any credible opinion on Dhampir training and combat, you?"

"I never said I did."

"Stick to what you know, whatever it is that you do know. Room service and swiping your dads' credit card." Mason says coolly.

"Don't be a dick." I say to him as Adrian's face drains of that playful charm.

"I have obligations here but I have faith Natasha can coach any willing partner." I catch Dimitri's voice over Adrian telling Mason he has many other talents, as I would know.

"What the hell does that mean?" Mason demands, looking between us.

I'm so confused by the comment I can't think of anything to say and then when I realise what Adrian's trying to imply my face heats.

"Use your Guardian instincts, although, proving to be on the fritz aren't they?" Adrian says smoothly.

"Adrian." Natalie warns in a low voice.

"Ivashkov, wanna take off?" Andre asks, having broken away from his father and oblivious to the tension.

"Absolutely." He stands in one fluid motion as if he hasn't drunk at least two bottles of wine to himself.

"I'll call the car. Smoke first?"

Adrian nods and they strut off leaving the four of us sat there in brittle silence. I finish my drink and excuse myself to intercept a server carrying more. I drift around the room with nowhere to really go and end up standing beside the blonde headmaster and Levandi, who smiles at me in recognition and asks me how I've been. It's simple polite talk until I notice how the blonde Moroi is staring at me.

"You live here, in Victors' home?" He asks.

Levandi gets pulled into a topic with Eric, on his other side, leaving me stranded. "Yes. My brother Ben is his Guardian."

He hums and his eyes run over me in a way that makes me want to cross my arms. "Awfully distracting."

"How?" I hear myself bite out and his eyes dart back up from my thighs.

He looks amused, the alcohol making his eyes glassy and face ruddy. "Femoral artery, is it?"

It takes me a moment to understand and I flinch. "You're disgusting."

I try to step away, aiming to go outside and join Adrian before he runs off, but he catches me around the wrist. "That was rude and you should apologise."

I'm frozen but that kernel sparks low in my belly. I clutch at it. "Let go of me."

He doesn't. "Apologise."

I school my face to be impassive and my tone to be full of disdain. "You first."

His grip fastens and I feel it in my chest, pain like I'm winded and a small cough rushes out of me, the air being squeezed out.

A voice, sarky by nature but now wrapped in barbed wire, asks, "Has anyone ever told you, it is rude to touch a lady without her permission?" The blonde Moroi's focus snaps to the figure that's appeared out of thin air and is now by his shoulder. Spiridon's eyes shine silver in the reflection of the glass wall. "If not, there will be a few people eager to acquaint you with the concept of permission."

The blonde, Aleksander, blinks up at him and then laughs. The moment he'd noticed Spiridon the vice around my lungs evaporated. I pull my wrist from him and cradle it to my chest.

"Things are very different here. Very good." He chortles like Spiridon's reaction is some form of entertainment. "As it happens I am acquainted but I see no lady."

An arm slides around my waist. "Is everything okay?"

Lissa looks down at me with a tight smile but her hold is reassuring, jade eyes concerned. She's walked around the barrier of tables, having to come the long way to reach me where I'm boxed in. Levandi and Eric are now paying attention, Levandi jerking in his seat caught off guard by Spiridon's looming presence.

I exhale. "No. I think it was being implied, once again, that I'm a blood whore."

Spiridon glares at me. I know he wanted me to shut up and leave but that kernel has doubled in size.

Lissa stiffens and slowly turns to the Headmaster. "Is that true?"

The bastard laughs again and Lissa's grip on my waist tightens.

"Vasilisa, perhaps you and Rose could step back to your friends?" Spiridon suggests calmly. Spiridon never said anything calmly.

"Yes, run along." Aleksander waves his hand dismissing us. He turns to Levandi. "The insolence in the west is astounding."

Spiridon is made from granite still bearing over on the man who doesn't seem to care. Eric jerks his head at Lissa, silently telling her to move but she doesn't budge.

We exchange a look. The fear is receding, the kernel is growing, and looking at Lissa I know she can feel it.

"No. I will not run along." Lissa starts, her voice level and carrying so we catch more attention. "If you have something you want to say do so openly otherwise you are a coward whispering slurs to my friend in the corner."

"Lissa." Eric warns.

"I'm still waiting for my apology." I manage to say coolly.

"I will make no apologies for what you are."

"You will," Spiridon says quietly. "And you will mind your tone when speaking to a Dragomir."

All the chatter has died out, only the bustling of servers from the kitchen and the operatic music stirring the air. The smile has died on his face and all that's left is fury as our words twist into this ego.

"What's the problem?" Victor asks, untangling himself from the crowd he's in.

Spiridon moves in one smooth motion, turning to face Victor and positioning himself partially in front of us. "Aleksander is under the misconception that Rose lives here to sustain you, sir."

"And Rose asked for an apology." Lissa adds. "That she rightly deserves."

"For the insult, and the matter of the Headmaster using his element." Spiridon says.

Using his element?

"Aleksander, you didn't?" Victor asks, looking appalled. Real or not I couldn't tell.

The Moroi springs to his feet, putting him almost nose to nose with Spiridon who may as well be made of stone. I couldn't see Victor or the group he's been standing with now Spiridon was in the way but I could feel the fury.

"That is a lie." Aleksander declares.

"Your lying." Lissa growls.

Aleksander looks between us and then lets out a bark of disbelief and swivels. "This is ridiculous. Is this how you allow your guests to be treated, Victor? Accusations and disrespect from your Guardian?"

More or less the same thing Moira Ozera had asked him.

"Lissa, come away." Rhea says, stepping into sight and waving her daughter forward.

Lissa doesn't move from my side.

"Rose, how did you physically feel before I interrupted?" Spiridon asks.

At first, I think he means the fear, the apprehension, and the instinctual pull to look down but then I remember the strange pressure. I will myself not to sound unsure. "Like I couldn't breathe."

My words have a ripple effect, expressions changing, bodies tensing and Spiridon bends forward a fraction.

"You inflicted harm on one of my wards and you will apologise, before I make you."

"Before you make me." He scoffs and lifts his glass.

"Aleksander, I must insist that you apologise." Victor says calmly. He steps into view, looking like the whole situation is unfortunate and pains him.

"Your Guardian's threatened me. The apology should be made to me." He expresses, looking around the room. He raises the glass to his lips and mutters. "There's a reason they're seen and not heard."

"I don't think you've understood my stance." Victor says, face clearing of any apology. "I explained how the dynamic is in my household. My Guardian's do not just simply live here, this is their home. This is Rose's home and you have conducted yourself appalling. Apologise."

Aleksander lowers his glass. He regards Victor and it's clear that whatever common ground they'd found has expanded and become a distance neither will cross.

"No, I was not of an understanding that this is more of a commune than a Royal household."

I notice Spiridon's fist has started to vibrate behind his back.

"That is wildly out of line." Rhea says.

I notice for the first time that the other Guardians, Natasha's and the ones from the school, have crept closer.

"Is it?" Aleksander muses. "Kirova was more than happy to fill me in on the rumours."

He looks back at me and Lissa's grip tightens. "And having met her I can't blame you."

Three things happen in seconds. Lissa slaps him, her slim hand cracking across his face with a force I didn't think she possessed. He reacts instantly, baring his fangs, and moves toward us, only to have Spiridon strike. He latches onto his wrist, turns him and twists his arm up his back, and forces his face onto the table.

Levandi and Eric jump up as the dishes rattle. The Guardian's from the school start forward only for Ben to step in front of them. At Lissa's other side Christian has appeared and is tugging her away. She pulls me along with her.

Aleksander is snarling as Spiridon rests his forearm on the back of his neck.

"This is the problem! You think Dhampir's so far beneath you that you will degrade, harass them and still expect admiration and respect? You, who think sixteen-year-olds should line up and fall down for you? You come into their home and made vulgar passes to a young lady in my care and are outraged when you are asked to apologise?" Victor is shouting.

We make it round the bend of the last table and Rhea meets us. She takes Lissa's hand from Christian and to my surprise, she places a protective hand around my shoulders

Natasha is staring at us over her shoulder, face unreadable, her hand fastened into the back of Dimitri's shirt as if she's been holding him back.

"You are a disgrace." Victor says finally. "Why would you deserve their protection?"

"Because they come first!" Mason exclaims. He's on his feet too, positioned in front of Natalie and Ralf on the couch where I left them. "You can't just assault him like this."

"Do you not know the difference between subduing and assaulting?" Spiridon asks. He looks almost comfortable propped on Aleksanders neck. "Also, bit funny to point out, now that he's in distress he hasn't had the sense to use his element."

"Spiridon let him up." Victor orders.

Spiridon obeys but keeps his grip on the arm behind Aleksander's back. The Moroi is red with rage.

"What did he say to you?"

I realise the Romanian headmaster, Balan, is leaning around Dimitri's side and is talking to me. It also makes me notices Dimtri's hands are curled into fists.

"I think we heard enough." Rhea tells her.

"Quite." Victor agrees. "See Aleksander back to the school, won't you?"

Spiridon releases the Moroi who wrests away from him, breathing hard, and glares at him with such venom I worry Spiridon's going to feel that grip on his lungs.

"I will." Ben offers quietly, his normally kind face cold.

"This...you people...outrageous!" Aleksander bursts out.

Spiridon gestures toward the front door. "Don't trip on your way out."

There's a shift in the fury, so subtle, and it sends ice down my back. Spiridon flinches and it's so weird to see, so grotesque. Then he clutches his head and hits the floor. Natalie screams, there's a clamour of shouting and Dimitri is across the room before I can blink. Rhea pulls us back toward the wall, Christian boxing us in with her, and I want to rip free of it. I want to know what's happening. I shove Christians' shoulder out of my way to see Ben and another Guardian hauling Aleksander outside, who's shouting curses about Dhampirs knowing their place, with Eric following trying to calm him.

Adrian and Andre are standing near the table, looking equally bewildered as if they've just walked back inside. Dimitri's hauling Spiridon up, who's pale and shaking.

I'm moving before I even realise, avoiding Mason reaching for me, and out the front door.

Aleksander is still shouting but not longer restrained. Ben and another Guardian stand with tight jaws to the side, the door to the car open. Eric is trying to placate and get him to climb inside.

Ben notices me and pulls a face.

"I didn't get my apology." I state, loud enough to cut through his tirade. Aleksander looks away from Eric, his lip curling. "But I'll take this instead."

I cock my fist back and launch it straight into his face.

The satisfaction of seeing him stumble and go ass overhead almost drowns out the pain that shoots through my wrist. Then Ben is pushing me back toward the house.

"I was supposed to that." He hisses.

"Too slow." I mutter, shaking out my hand like it'll get rid of the pain.

A short laugh leaves him and he looks back over his shoulder. "Go back inside. Make sure our guy's okay and ice your hand.

I nod, ignoring the curses that are being hurled at my back, and Ben walks back to them.

"You will be careful of the next thing to come out of your mouth." I hear him say.

I don't know what I expect when I get back into the house but seeing Adrian and Spiridon clinking tumblers of amber liquid at the table isn't it. Spiridon's still pale but his grey eyes have that glint in them again. Rhea walks past me, touching my shoulder, and heads outside to look for her husband. Victor is pouring out more whiskey for Levandi and Balan, in the middle of an apology by the looks of it.

Mason, Lissa, Natalie, Ralf, and Christian are all huddled together around the couch. They all turn to me.

"I punched him." I blurt.

"Good." Lissa says, grinning.

"Slimeball." Natalie mutters, taking a big gulp of her wine.

Mason moves toward me and gently takes the wrist I've been cradling. "You didn't use your legs."

"What?" I hiss as he turns it.

"You're supposed to put the weight into your back foot and push off."

"Well, now I know that I'll go back out and try again."

He grins but his heart isn't in it. He leads me into the kitchen and starts rummaging in the freezer. "That saying is bullshit you know."

"What saying?"

"They come first."

He turns back to me with a bag of frozen peas and an uneasy expression. "You can't say that."

"I'll say what I want to. Especially if men like him can."

"That was all too much. Yeah, he shouldn't have said or done that to you but you can't just start smashing heads into tables."

"But he can hurt me? Spiridon?"

"No, I'm saying none of it should have happened!"

"And what should have happened, Mason?" I seethe. "I should have let him think I live here to be fed off? Should Lissa have run along as he told her to? And should Spiridon have let him -"

"You're twisting it! Look, let's not pretend like you know how any of this works but in the real world you can't assault people like that."

"I was assaulted first!" I half-scream back at him.

The back door opens sending in a rush of frigid November air along with Dimitri and Natasha. Great, that's just fucking great.

Dimitri's eyes look between us then drops to my wrist. "What happened?"

I can tell his whole stoic act has one thin strand holding it together but I don't care. Mason and his ridiculous 'they come first' chat has enraged me all over again and seeing him step in with her has hurtled my temper through the roof.

"Nothing." I snap and stalk off back to the living room. Christian was toxifying the air with my friends so I make a sharp left and head for the table.

Adrian and Spiridon are laughing as I drop into the seat opposite them.

"What happened to you?" Spiridon asks.

"Punched Aleksander in the face."

Adrian blinks and then he cracks up all over again. Spiridon looks like he wants to say something snarky but then salutes his glass.

"On my behalf I take it? You shouldn't have."

"Uh, no. You got to pin him to the table. I only wanted my turn."

Adrian prods my peas. "It went well then."

"Shut up."

He grabs an empty wine glass, pours some of the amber liquid into it, and slides it toward me. I take it from him and ask Spiridon what Aleksander did to him. He explains how he felt like his skull was contracting around his brain and he guessed Aleksander was depriving it of oxygen.

"Luckily, I was there." Adrian declares proudly and Spiridon scoffs.

"We'll see if there are any side effects tomorrow." Spiridon muses, throwing back his drink.

"You can't say your brain is damaged when you're just hungover." Adrian protests. "I know. I've tried."

"This has been a terrible day." I grumble and take a drink. I jerk and grimace as the smokey smooth flavour ravages my tongue. "What the hell is this?"

"Whiskey. It might be Dimitri's"

"Who's Dimitri?" Adrian asks.

"It's been eventful tonight. We just need someone to declare a pregnancy and we might have hit some sort of quota." Spiridon says, looking around the room.

"When I came back in and saw someone bent over the table I thought to myself, 'Ah, it's finally starting to feel like Thanksgiving'"

Spiridon stares at him. "What the fuck goes on at your house?"

"Why do you think I'm not there? Although it was pretty bland for those first few hours."

Spiridon starts counting off on his fingers. "Rose has a bust wrist, Vasilisa slapped someone, Victor has been yelling, Natalie's for sure drunk over there, Natasha's chasing Dimitri around and Dimitri is furious. Pretty sure the other two heads think they're in a reality show and I feel somewhere between morphine and blackout. Happy Thanksgiving."

Adrian clinks his glasses against ours. "And I'm pretty sure I'm getting disinherited."

"The Dragomir's will adopt you."

"That's what I'm hoping for. That or I become Andre and Lissa's stepdad."

"You two are so weird." I take another drink.

"I'm brain damaged what's his excuse."

"Hello, my name is Adrian Ivashkov and I don't need an excuse for anything."

I don't know if it's the liquor or the ridiculousness after so much conflict but I find myself laughing. I sit there listening and commenting on their back and forth until my limbs feel loose and warm, and my wrist isn't that noticeable. Andre takes a seat by me. Spiridon, being now intoxicated and a bit loopy, is no longer on duty which both boys are delighted by. I expected the night to be over after the chaos, people making excuses to leave, but it's had the opposite effect. Victor, Lavandi, Balan, Natasha, Rhea, and Eric are all in really animated conversation, someone occasionally reaching for a bottle to top up their drinks.

The servers have disappeared and I realise their shift finished half an hour ago. I was supposed to see them out. Oh well.

"You!" Spiridon suddenly calls and I look over my shoulder to see Dimitri paused on the stairs. "I expect to be bridal lifted to bed later. I won't tell Natasha."

"From what I've heard you might stand a better chance." Andre says under his breath and I cover my mouth.

Spiridon tries to focus on the other blonde. He points in Dimitri's direction. "He'ssuchanidiot."

"Okay, I think you need water now." I say, carefully getting to my feet. I wonder is it okay for me to kick these heels off yet.

I take out three bottles. Then I think it's a good idea to re-freeze my peas so I can use them again later.

When I close the freezer door I notice I'm not alone in the kitchen.

Natasha is leaning against the wall, looking somehow elegant and poised. A glass of wine cradled to her chest and her brothers' icy eyes fixed on me.

"You're not at all what you seemed." She says thoughtfully.

I ignore her and start gathering up my supplies.

"Please, give a minute." She says gently, the click of her heels coming closer.

When is a question not really a question?

"I don't think I have to give you anything." I reply quietly, containing the emotions clashing inside.

She tuts. "Oh come on. We both know you're not as fragile as you have them believe you are."

Now I do look at her and she smiles softly at my confusion. "Your feelings for me aside, please don't punish Christian."

"Don't tell Lissa you mean?"

The smile slips. "It's not his fault."

"Then it shouldn't be a secret then, should it?"

"Don't threaten us, Rose." Her voice is soft but her gaze is sharp. "I am glad you're adjusting, not as delicate as Victor and Dimitri think you are, not this broken little thing, but be careful of your boldness. It's easy to become drunk on freedom and feel untouchable. I know. I've been there."

My grip tightens on the counter and my wrist protests, making me wince. A small movement that she see's as her victory.

"I was never broken." I warn her. "And you cannot tell me what to do."

I expect rage, hope for it because it would mean I'd got to her and she'd know that I wasn't afraid. That she had more reason to fear me.

Instead, she smiles sadly. She sets her glass on the counter, nails as shiny as the surface. "I love Lissa. She's becoming like a sister to me and she already has so much to deal with. It would be cruel for you to put this on her too."

I imagine launching one of the bottles at her face and breaking her perfect nose. Victor would be furious but I could weather that. But then...I would have to tell Lissa everything. And what did she mean she already has so much to deal with? There's no way she knows about Lissa being different, like Adrian, about her abilities. God, I hadn't even had time to wrap my head around it. Adrian said I was the only person who knew, and Lissa didn't even know I knew yet. I needed to speak to her. I needed Adrian alone again and soberish

I have no idea what Natasha is reading from my face but she looks smug, so I hurl at her the only thing I have that won't have disastrous consequences.

I nod like I understand. "It's good you have Lissa. She's a good listener and after how disappointed you must be you could use that"

She frowns. "Disappointed?"

"Because Dimitri doesn't want you."

She blinks and then I get a glimpse of the rage I wanted. "You know nothing about us."

I shrug as if my heart isn't pounding. "I know enough."

She lets out this titter of a laugh, condescension as a sound. "I am not going to entertain this conversation. You may think you know 'enough' because Natalie likes to gossip and I'm sure it's hard without having a lot to stimulate you beyond these walls, but make no mistake, you don't know anything. I understand you have this attachment to him and resentment toward me, I do, and it's hard for you. Dimitri is headstrong with a good heart, and he's conscience of your feelings but as I said, your not delicate, and once he makes peace with that he will reconsider things."

I want to tell her so badly it sears on my tongue. How I'd kissed him at the party, how he'd looked at me when I was in his bed, how he tasted, how I'd found him in the library tonight and he'd had to cover my mouth so the whole house didn't hear me. That he kisses my knuckles and likes it when I pull at his hair. That he took me somewhere to watch a sunrise but watched me instead. How he teaches me Russian and hides his damn chocolate all over the house but shares it with me, whilst being so against my sugar intake.

But then...I don't want her to know any of that because all of that belonged to us. It wasn't for her to know or for anyone to know. And not because it would be breaking rules or Victor would start yelling again but because it, all of it, was private.

It was mine.

So I just smile. "Sure, Natasha."

Her nostrils flare, that winter gaze chilling, but then Natalie comes breezing in. "Rose, do we have any more white wine?"

I drag my eyes from Natasha to my friend. "Fridge."

"This Thanksgiving has been so shit." She says, ignoring Natasha completely. "I really wanted you to enjoy it."

"Some of it was good." I grin.

"Yeah well, next year, we're not inviting the strays."

Natasha's heels click out of the room as she says. "Don't peak in high school, Natalie"

Natalie glares after her. "Bitch. She's so up herself. What was she talking to you about?"

I bite my lip but give into that appealing dark churn in my stomach. "About us eavesdropping on her and Dimitri. I told her I was sorry she was disappointed."

Natalie laughs and I love that we have this thing to indulge in, even for completely different reasons. Someone I could let those snarling and sludgy feelings out with.

"Come sit with us, Spiridon's drunk, and it's really funny." I tell her.

"He's an idiot. He should have gone to see Keith like daddy told him but he insisted he was fine."

Again I feel a pang of guilt, should we be more worried? Aleksander had messed with his head.

'Luckily, I was there'

I nearly drop one of the bottles. Adrian. Adrian had healed him. Of course, he'd healed him. Spiridon had been trembling in Dimitri's grip, pale as paper. If Adrian hadn't been close, it would have been so much worse...maybe so much so that Keith couldn't have helped.

I should have hit Aleksander so much harder, even if it did shatter my hand.

"Spiridon's stubborn, it will take more than that to take him down." I find myself saying.

"Do you know what the worst part of it is?" Natalie says, lowering her voice and leaning her hip to the counter. "I bet this has all turned out exactly as daddy wanted. Those two Heads are in there now nodding along with him and agreeing with him. Today's all been about politics and not family. He did that to Mason, that sleaze made a pass at you, Spiridon got hurt and now Natasha is flouncing around with an invite to Romania. It's just fucking annoying."

"You think this is exactly what he wanted?"

"Well not exactly, would be a bit hard to pull it all off. Mason for sure. Dimitri was probably waiting for it"

Nope, didn't like that. "He didn't seem like he was expecting it."

Natalie gives me a dry look. "You have to know how to lie in this house, Rose."

True.

She sighs. "I'm gonna have to do something for Mason. He's bumming out so hard. I think he saw tonight going differently. You know he's been trying to bribe me for your number? And then you two were arguing too...urgh, I hate this day. I'm gonna go back with Ralf to school tonight."

My shoulders drop. "You aren't staying?"

She looks a little sorry. "Rose, if I stay I'm going to get into a screaming match with my dad. And do you know who will win? Him, because he doesn't scream back which makes me scream more. So I'm going to ignore him from here to New year if I have to."

Yep, I need more to drink.

"Everyone's fighting." I mumble, more to myself, perplexed at how this has all turned out. This day is supposed to be about being together, with people you care about, and instead it's been like an obstacle course.

"Happy Thanksgiving." She says, pouring herself a glass of wine.

When I get back to the table I make Spiridon drink two bottles of water, which is like bargaining with a child as I have to promise to make him a lemon cake, and the whole time Adrian laughs.

"Fuck." Adrian exclaims, jerking in his seat.

Dimitri is standing over us and I make myself look everywhere bar at him, a thrill running over my skin.

He's much more persuasive at making Spiridon get up and go to bed. It must be his height. Andre leaves us to go sit with Mason and Ralf who are arguing about sports.

I scoot my chair closer to Adrian and he raises an eyebrow at the movement. "Are you about to say dirty things to me?"

I ignore that. "Did you, earlier, with Spiridon, did you?"

He makes a show of looking around and I grin despite myself. "Yep. I thought a trip to A&E might have put a pin in the evening."

"So how does it work? How does it feel?"

"Rose, I'm not the most discreet of people but we're around a lot of people and I am very drunk."

"So when can we talk about it?"

"I'll...visit you."

Now that I'm not being blind-sided with information and there's a quiet thrum of alcohol in my body, talking about this is exciting.

"And what about Lissa?" I whisper.

He leans forward. "I'll tell her. She'll be angry but I think, I think we need someone, and you're quite good with stressful situations."

"I am?"

He laughs quietly. "You realise every time I've seen you there's been an argument."

I frown. "That's not my fault."

"That's my favourite phrase."

We grin at each other and I notice he has a thin gold ring around his pupil.

"How's the wrist?"

I rotate it between us. "Better. I heal faster now."

"Good. I meant what I said earlier. You look better every time I see you, your miles away from that person I met in Estonia."

The comment fills me up. "Thanks."

"And your happier?"

"I am."

"Okay, good. I worried. Oh God, he's back again."

I look up at the same time his shadow falls over us. Adrian leans back which makes me realise how close we'd been

"How's your wrist?" Dimitri asks, looking perfectly unconcerned.

"Better. I was just telling Adrian I heal faster."

"I took it as more of a threat." Adrian says, trying to grin but it's clear he's nervous. "Okay, well I'm going to go over there now. Speak to you in a bit. Try not to go up like a firework, Rose."

I scowl at him, the expression turned away from Dimitri, as he saunters off grinning.

Dimitri takes his seat. "May I?"

I extend my arm for him and he takes my hand gently. I try not to think about lights going off around my head.

He turns it over and I tense slightly. "It feels better than earlier. I think it will be fine in the morning."

"Like a firework?" Dimitri asks eyes on my hand.

"Uh, my temper."

"I see."

He turns my hand back over and I know he's stalling, an excuse to be near me and I mentally apologise to Adrian for any flares. But then I remember the danger of that, that Adrian could see it's not one-sided. Then I wonder if Dimitri lights up too when I'm close and what we must look like but I can't ask Adrian any of this without it looking like I'm desperate to know if Dimitri likes me back because he'll ask me again if we're sleeping together and I might hit him.

God, this is complicated.

I take a deep breath and let it out.

"I'm proud of you." He murmurs, releasing my hand and oblivious to the noise in my head.

"Thanks."

He stands and walks away. I give myself a moment and then make myself go sit at Andre's other side, ignoring Mason trying to catch my eye. I let the chatter wash over me and finish my water. Rhea, tipsy and flushed from flirting with Adrian, says it's time they were thinking of leaving. Levandi needs a supportive hand from one of the Guardians and I rush to get their coats.

"It's strange how things come back around." Balan is saying to Natasha. She takes her coat from me with a nod of thanks. "There was a young man years ago who wanted the same thing to happen in schools, back when I was just starting. He was not as eloquent and tactful as you have been mind you. He was a bit aggressive, seemed touched in the head which I suppose is why no one would listen. But here we are, discussing it again and not only us."

"Not only us?" Natasha asks, sliding on her arms through the coat Moore was holding for her.

"Why yes. There have been rumours of a group or groups doing the same things. Surely you've heard? I thought that might have caused this knock-on effect."

"Groups?" Victor prompts.

"Mhm, just rumours. With the rise of Strigoi attacks, there have been rumours of counterattacks and such. Not just Dhampir's but Moroi too. In particular, there was one case, The Keepers in Puszcza Białowieska, Białowieża Forest, that were attacked and occupied. Yes, the Strigoi stayed there for two days, horrific what those people must have been through. By the time the alarm was raised to the Guard on the fourth day and Guardians arrived all Strigoi had been destroyed. A group had descended on the third night, both Moroi and Dhampir, and made short work of it. A week later when the Alchemists came to offer supplies – they're very fickle in their beliefs aren't they? - The Keepers were gone."

"Where did they go?" Lissa asks, awe on her lovely face.

I notice everyone's been paying attention to Balan, with the exceptions of Levandi who's been escorted out to the car, Andre and Adrian, who are again smoking. Balan notices all the attention too and shifts uncomfortably.

"Oh, I don't know. Probably wanted a fresh start and as I said, rumours. If there was any truth in it the Guard would have made a statement surely? Or maybe not, seeing they were days late."

"When was this?" Mason asks.

Balan hiccups. "Apologies. A few months ago. Is the car ready? Lovely. Guardian Belikov, I have more questions. Thank you for this evening, Victor, I will see you soon. We have much to iron out."

She breaks away from the group to take Dimitri's arm, his gaze pulls from Victor.

With their only being so many Guardian's the trips to and from the school are broken up. Lissa is going back to the Academy too, instead of going to her own house, and I guess it's because she wants to spend more time with Christian.

"Can we be friends again?"

Mason's sidled up beside me as I'm helping Natalie with her coat zip. It's being an 'ass hat' apparently and she's not had 'that much' to drink. I glance at him whilst fastening her belt.

"Awk, just be nice Rose." Natalie whines, gripping the newel post. "It's Thanksgiving and he thinks your so pretty."

"You're not helping me, Nat." He says, rocking on the balls of his feet.

"Look, just kiss and make up. We already know you can do half of that."

Mason looks half apologetic and half helpless.

I exhale. "I'll do the second part."

"Ah ha! And the other part later."

"Ralf! Can you please take your charming girlfriend out to the car?"

I can't help but laugh as Ralf comes over shaking his head. Natalie is whisper-shouting advice at Mason to win me over as Ralf pulls her away.

"I'm sorry if I insinuated that it was okay for what happened. I wasn't it's just, today's been a lot. I've been told to think a certain way and all this working together stuff is really hard to bend my head around."

I don't say it's okay or it's fine, automatic responses to hastily get away from conflict, because it wasn't okay. What happened to me tonight was not okay. My whole life was a series of things that were not okay and the realization makes me light-headed.

"I accept you're sorry." I say slowly. "And I'm sorry about what happened outside. That was unfair."

He tries to shrug it off. "It's fine. I just need to work harder. Maybe ask for a one on one session. It might be possible for me to come over some weekends or something if Mr. Dashkov is cool with it. If Dimitri's training you what's one more person?"

I just smile and he leans in quickly to kiss my cheek. "Goodnight Rose, Happy Thanksgiving."

"Goodnight."

He calls goodnight to the others, thanks Victor, and Ralf calls for everyone to come back to his room when they get to the school for more drinks and Natasha says she'll pretend she didn't hear that. Not for the first time, today does it feel like I'm alone.

Tasha, Christian, Adrian, Lissa, and Andre are left waiting. One last group going to the school and one to the Dragomir's house.

"Where is Ben?" Victor wonders to himself.

I volunteer to call him. It would give me something to do. I try four times and there's no answer but he texts to say he'll be back soon.

Dimitri returns from driving Lissa'a parents and Victor volunteers him to escort the last car going back to school with Moore. I try not to be too pissed about it. Lissa would be in that car.

"We're a good team." Lissa says as she hugs me.

I remember what Adrian's said about them needing someone else, about Natasha telling me she's struggling, and earlier when she'd given me such a thoughtful present and drawn out my agony like a poison.

I tighten my hold on her and repeat what she'd told me at the Halloween party. "I'll always look out for you too, Liss. I'll always try to protect you."

She doesn't say anything but after a moment she tucks her chin into my shoulder and her fingers curl into my sides. I can feel the others waiting, know it's probably a bit much and I should let go to to be polite but I'm tired of being polite for others. I want to start taking things for myself.

"I'll call you tomorrow." Lissa says and squeezes me before letting go. She looks close to crying and I wish she were staying or I was going with her.

I walk her to the door. "Speak to you tomorrow."

I watch her make her way down toward the car Dimitri and Natasha are standing by, having another intense conversation by the looks of it. Dimitri helps Lissa into the back where Christian and Moore are, and instead of getting in the front Natasha crosses her arms.

She doesn't know when to give up. Then again, would I?

"Something of interest?" A silky voice asks and I roll my eyes, turning back to Adrian.

He has Andre's grey scarf wrapped around him and calls another goodbye to Victor who's taking the stairs, probably to check on Spiridon.

"Not really."

"Little liar."

"When will we talk to Lissa?"

He smiles and it's un-Adrian-like, genuine, a smile I don't think he uses often. "Soon."

"Are you going to the lodge at Christmas?"

"My family own the place so yes."

"Oh well, sorry I didn't know."

He chuckles. "At least I know you're not going to sleep with me to try and get the diamond suite."

I point at him. "I'm not sleeping with anyone."

He locks one of his fingers around the one pointed at his chest. "Neither am I. What a festive pact we've made."

"Let go of my finger."

"No."

"You're so annoying."

"Maybe but I know the giant is watching and I know he doesn't like it. Don't look."

I suddenly feel awkward. "Uh, okay."

"It's fun to flirt with the forbidden but keep it that way, trust me."

"Okay." What colour do I light up when I'm lying? I have so many questions.

"Victors going to tell my father about this you know, use it."

"That you're holding my finger?"

He snorts. "No. Blowing off my family at Thanksgiving to be here with the revolutionaries. My interest in you. Friendship rather."

"Oh?"

"Dhampir/ Moroi stigma. Remember I told you my family is a bunch of stuck-up assholes."

"That is not how you phrased it before."

"Feel free to refer to them that way. Goodnight little one."

He leans in slowly and kisses my cheek. The same gesture as Mason but without any self-consciousness and all of the confidence.

"Don't call me little."

He chuckles and steps away. As he's walking down the path I notice that both Dimitri and Natasha are watching, see her lips move, Dimitri turns away and pulls the passenger door open for her. I hastily step back instead and close out the November wind.

Victor is on the stairs.

He smiles quickly. "Are you staying up a while?"

I look around the place. "Yes."

"Could you please ask Dimitri or Ben to take Spiridon to the hospital when they return? No, don't worry he seems fine but I'd rather be sure."

I nod, surveying the mess of the living room.

"And Rose? You did very well tonight." He says mildly.

I feel hollow. "Thank you."

"Goodnight."

Does he even realise Natalie is livid with him? Doesn't he realise I hated the whole thing? Didn't he think he should have said something about Aleksander?

I sigh and decide it's not worth mulling over. If he hadn't noticed Natalie's mood then mine was hardly going to matter.

I clear up the abandoned glasses and fill the dishwasher with the first load. Dawn is two hours away, I might leave a lot of it until tomorrow when the tables are taken away. I kick off my heels and set them on the stairs. I strip the tables down and stuff the cloth into the machine, carrying another glass of wine around with me. It makes it all a bit less tedious. I switch the music over to one of Natalie's playlists and keep the volume low enough that Victor shouldn't be disturbed.

Dimitri and Ben come back together and by that point, I've swept the floor.

"Leave all that shit to tomorrow." Ben says, with a wave of his hand. He looks a bit strange, on edge. His eyes keep flicking around the room, car keys moving between his fingers.

"Are you okay?"

"A rogue attacked my car. I'm fine."

I gape. "A strigoi attacked your car?"

"Yeah. I dealt with it."

Dimitri is staring at him. "The car seems fine too. Thankfully you weren't forced off the road."

He sighs. "I know. I've already informed the Academy."

I can't think of anything comforting to say so I just relay Victors' order.

"I'll take him." Ben says quickly.

Dimitri frowns. "I think -"

"No. No, I will. I'm not going to be able to sleep for a while. Also, if he's babbling his usual shit it'll make things feel normal. I need to be doing something."

Spiridon doesn't need their help to the car and sounds like himself, although quieter. I twist my fingers together and hope whatever Adrian did actually worked and he wasn't too drunk himself to have done it wrong. Whatever it is he does. There's a difference between Lissa helping when I drank too much and someone messing with your head. I almost want to try and pick at him to see if he'll bite back.

Instead, I just watch from the doorway, again, as they put Spiridon in the car and Ben slides a gun into his waistband. Dimitri starts back toward the house as the car pulls away and I wish I'd said something to them both now.

"Rose, you are going to freeze." He says, pushing me back inside and closing the door.

"Shouldn't you have gone too? I mean if Ben's been attacked and Spiridon might not be okay and-"

"There needs to be someone here." He says, setting the alarms.

He sighs and looks around the living room. "Ben's right, leave this to tomorrow."

I nod and we start turning everything off. When we reach the landing he tells me to go to bed as he needs to do more security checks and I almost remind him of his promise in the library but it dies in my throat.

I don't get changed for bed. I just sit down and let the night wash over me. I thought it was going to be a dinner. I thought it would be filled with laughing with Natalie and Lissa and trying hard not to be shy or awkward around the other guests, avoiding the Ozera's at all costs. I thought the worst thing to happen would be spilling gravy or someone not liking any of the potatoes.

I feel exhausted and wide awake.

I move when light creeps up my bedroom wall and close the blinds. Dimitri slips in, looking confusedly at the bed and then the bathroom, before spotting me curled up on the window seat.

"Will they be okay?"

The stoic expression begins to thaw. "Ben messaged, they're at the hospital and the doctors don't seem concerned. Spiridon's waiting on a CT, a head scan, and then I'll know more." He sits down beside me, pulls my feet into his lap. "And the sun is up now. Strigoi aren't a problem."

I absorb this. "Okay."

He holds my ankle in one hand and the other strokes my shin. "And you? Are you okay?"

I chew the inside of my lip. "I think, next year, I'd like to skip it."

"I meant your wrist." He says quietly.

Oh. I rotate it for him. "Fine."

I watch him, can see him inhale and exhale before he lets the words out. "And your chest?"

"I'm fine. It was a second or two of it feeling tight. Like when I had a cough but then-" I shrug. "Spiridon got there."

I watch him as he stares across the room, hands light and gentle on my skin, but I know it's not reflective of what's going on in his head.

I reach out and brush back his hair, his band still around my wrist. "Tell me."

He doesn't speak and I know he finds this as difficult as I do sometimes. I scoot closer to him, fingers slipping under the soft strands to massage the base of his neck and his eyes close. "Tell me."

His lips part on an exhale. "This is supposed to be your home, a safe place, and again you were hurt. But this time I was in the room and I didn't notice. I saw you talking to Levandi and then within seconds-"

I sigh. "Dimitri, it's hardly your fault."

"I know it's not my fault but it was when I couldn't get to you. If I had seen instead of Spiridon…"

I remember how he'd reacted to Alec. How he'd told me he wouldn't have stopped.

"There's always going to be someone making comments. Someone thinking they're above me. You can't fight every one of them."

His head jerks toward me a fraction like I've set a challenge.

"He said what Mia had already said, what Natalie knows is being said around the school, and yeah he shouldn't have used his element to… I don't know, punish me for not submitting to him but -"

I'm babbling and his face is closing off. Shit.

"Look, Lissa slapped him, Spiridon slammed his head into the table, Victor humiliated him further and then I punched him so hard he fell over. He got what he deserved. Let it go."

"Let it go?" He echoes.

"Yes. What's the point of dwelling on something that happened hours ago? Doesn't change it does it?"

His dark eyes search my face. "I suppose not."

I can tell he's thinking, plotting, but then he tilts his head. "You fought back."

I can't help the tug of my lips. I had, in more ways than one and with more than one person. "I did. I belonged in the room."

He looks at me the way he does after I master a move or deflect a block without thinking. "I'll show you how to throw your weight behind it properly."

"I hope I broke his nose."

He grins. "Noted."

"Noted?"

He doesn't explain but continues watching me and I end up blurting the first topic that comes to mind. "You jumped out the window."

"There was little other option." Well, that's true I suppose. He could hardly hide behind the door. His other hand moves from my ankle to my calve, rubbing gentle circles into the tight muscle. "We were very reckless."

He doesn't sound sorry about it. He's wearing that small smile.

"Today was difficult. I'm glad I went looking for you. That we had at least that."

My face begins to heat, emphasised when his fingers brush my knee.

"So am I." His voice was low and warm. "I'm sorry the holiday wasn't what you expected."

I try not to surrender all my attention to his touch. "Did you know you were going to have to do that to Mason today?"

I had to ask. If I wasn't thinking about it, it was gnawing at the edge of my mind. When we'd all followed Dimitri and Mason outside I knew Mason wasn't going to win but I'd expected it to be over quickly, the first time Dimitri knocked him back I was relieved. But then he got up, and it went on, and on, and Dimitri was playing with him. Mason was trying with everything he had and Dimitri was swatting him back like he was little more than an irritation.

It had felt too much like my old normal and I'd had to grip Lissa's hand to stay in the present.

"Not like that, no." He says, hands leaving me. "When I suggested it I'd imagined it would be during a class. A humbling demonstration and one that he wouldn't be alone in. We'd spar with other novices too to illustrate the point. It wasn't supposed to be him alone."

Something in me eases.

"You feel guilty."

"It was necessary." He says but it sounds mechanical.

I want to say something comforting or go through everything that had happened tonight so it could be ironed out and wouldn't feel like such a mess in my head but I end up yawning.

"It's late." He murmurs. "You should sleep."

"We should sleep."

"Yes."

He stands and tugs me up. The exhaustion is starting to win and I lean against him, unintentionally, but then I wrap my arms around his waist. At first, he doesn't react but then his arms go around me and I feel him relax into my hold.

A buzzing cuts through the moment and he sighs into my hair.

"Ben." He says and kisses my head before answering.

I expect him to leave the room but instead, he keeps me pressed against him. Knowing Ben's with us has me conscience of every breath I take and my fingers press into his back. He doesn't say much to him, just a few words of agreement or understanding, and I wonder if that's why he stayed.

"You need to stay up until they get back." I guess.

"Yes, I'll leave when the wards go off and then come back."

His finger curls under my chin. "You're disappointed again."

"No, I just...I feel guilty, you don't sleep enough so maybe you should sleep in your room."

"I'd rather not sleep here than not sleep in there."

I fight the pull of my lips. "Well, if your sure I won't argue."

"That's a first."

"Hey!"

He chuckles, still holding my chin lightly with one finger, and it's such an alluring sound. One that was mostly reserved for me and I loved it. I reach up on tiptoe to press my lips against his but then I recognise my teeth are kinda fuzzy from wine and I break away.

His eyes are half-closed and my heart stutters at the softness in his face, looking more like the Dimitri reserved for me and not the one everyone else sees.

Before I can say something stupid, like that, I excuse myself to the bathroom, grabbing his shirt from my drawers, and wash up. Natalie had made a mess in here and we hadn't even done that much. After a few minutes of wrestling around with my zip, I steal my nerve and step back out. It's an echo of that night I'd found him waiting for me, sat in the exact same place, dark shirt and jeans.

This time I was in my devastating dress.

"I need help with the zip." I force my eyes to stay up, on his face and not on the floor where they wanted to be.

His face is unreadable and that's frustrating for more than one reason. The reasons are confusing.

Wordlessly he gets up and crosses to me, turning me by the shoulders and sweeping my hair out of the way. I hold my breath as he pulls the fastening down, the dress loosening around me.

I don't know if I'm panicking or anticipating.

"There." He says gently and I hear him step away.

Only when I close the door do I breathe. I pull on his shirt and put my dress in the laundry. I check my reflection, looking more like the person I recognise than the one that had looked back at me a few hours ago. My bedrooms empty when I come back out but not a minute later he slips back in with some water, locking the door behind him.

I still don't feel normal. I still feel panicky or apprehensive or both or a lot more.

"It's nearly ten, you need to sleep." He murmurs, kicking off his boots.

"So do you." I counter.

He just stands there, waiting for me to get under the covers so he can lie down, but that's not what I want. It would feel like I'm just waiting for him to leave instead of us going to sleep together. So I stand and he eyes me with suspicion. I start undoing his shirt buttons.

"Roza."

"You can't sleep in your clothes."

I was so annoyed with these buttons earlier, close to ripping the fabric open. Now I feel self-aware and like this is something important. Maybe because there's no urgency and I'm not caught up in craving his mouth and other things. When the last one's opened my hands slip under the gaping fabric at his shoulders and push it off.

Belt next. Stupid heavy thing. He takes it from me and drops it to the floor. He plays with a strand of my hair as I pop the button of his jean and press a kiss to his chest, loosening the waistband.

"Get into bed." He murmurs against my forehead.

"You first."

"So stubborn."

I grin and he bends to kick off his trousers. He pulls back the covers and we climb in. He slides his phone under his pillow and settles down, lifting his arm for me and I tuck myself into my favoured spot. I try not to be so aware of his skin, how warm he is, but it's impossible. It's hard not to be so aware of him and react. I tuck one of my legs between his.

"This is nice." His voice is low and drowsy. I smile.

The panic had been rooted in this. It had been telling me the boundary line was back but the anticipation had been this, just wanting to be close to him without losing all sense. Even though that was… that was amazing. I had so many questions about that and those things but right now with my body settling into a lull, it wasn't the time.

"It is." I murmur, fingertips tracing the lines of his stomach.

He's asleep within minutes and I lie there thinking that if every day ended like this, feeling safe, content, and warm, then all the obstacles and arguments might be worth it. It doesn't matter in the quiet of the room, listening to his even breathing, that there's so much I haven't told him and some things I can't. It can just be this for a while.

/

S/O to the girls over on the P.A.T.R.E.O.N for helping with this chapter. We held a poll for who should step in to help Rose with Aleksander and Spiridon won. The interaction over there is so fun and when I post snippets of chapters seeing what everyone thinks is happening makes me feel like a villain who gets to cackle at the chaos.

Thank you to everyone still leaving reviews - I read every single one and it gives me such a high.

- The next chapter we get Tanners recording and the build-up to Christmas starts. I think it's fair to tell you all the Lodge will be pivotal and that's all I'll spoil.