I make it hard for him to leave, barely awake but being deliberately uncooperative when he tries to detangle himself from me. I watch him slip out and nestle into the warm spot of the bed that smells like him and I can believe enough he's still here to fall back into dreams.
I get up far later than everyone else. I can hear the low hum of voices from downstairs as I pull on clothes, black jeans, and a soft forest green jumper. I pull my hair up into a high ponytail which seems to draw emphasis to how full my lips are and how big my eyes are.
Halfway down the stairs, I sense the air of the room is serious and something's happened. They're all sat in the living room, which has all been put back together, the extra tables and chairs are gone and they're tense and talking quickly. They all fall silent as they notice me.
"Coffee?" I ask brightly.
"An Irish one." Spiridon answers, running two hands over his face and into his chaotic hair.
"Ignore him." Victor orders and asks for an espresso.
I hum as I flick on the machine, the happy bubble from last night still around me and I want to enjoy it for a few more minutes.
"Hey, kid." Ben greets tiredly. He sets two mugs on the counter and I take ownership of refilling them.
I jerk my chin to the living room, "What going on? Also thanks for clearing all that stuff away."
"It's nothing. I caught Dimitri trying to do it himself. I don't know when that man sleeps."
I have to work hard not to smile so I keep myself busy with the milk and sugar. "And Spiridon's okay?"
"Yeah, nothing at all wrong with him bar a hangover. Thankfully that asshole didn't have enough time or skill to do proper damage."
"Good." I breathe.
"Proud of you for socking him in the face." He says warmly, taking his coffee from me with a proud smile. "Kinda took the moment from me though."
"You'd get into more trouble than I did."
He leans down with a conservative grin, "Not if I provoked him first."
I grin. "Well, be quicker to the mark next time."
He blows out air. "Please, let there be no next time. They won't have the ability to walk themselves out."
He reaches for Dimitri's mug but I keep a hold of it. He raises an eyebrow. One of the things that I won't keep private from last night is the realisation I needed to tell people things, that it was good to acknowledge the good and it didn't mean you were setting yourself up for it to be taking away.
"You've always been nice to me. Since I got here you've always been kind and happy to help me. I never told you how much I appreciate it. Thank you."
His surprise is raw because Ben doesn't conceal anything when it's personal and I really like that about him. He sets down the coffee and pulls me into a one-armed hug.
"I've always got your back, kid."
Months ago this kind of contact would have stolen air from my lungs and have me collapse out of fear, every instinct and nerve telling me to submit and cower but now it's … now it's nice. But it gets awkward quickly and we step apart from each other picking up the discarded drinks and avoiding eye contact.
He coughs. "What's going on in there? Well, you should probably come see for yourself."
I follow him in, each of us carrying the drinks and I hand Dimitri his without looking at him but when his fingers brush mine it's like a taunt. I sit down by Spiridon. He'd keep me distracted. I hand him my coffee deciding he looks like he needs it more than I do. Ben hands Victor his small espresso cup.
"Rose wants to see what's going on." Ben says and I throw him a look. I hadn't demanded anything I'd only asked
"Well, it's easier to show than explain." Spiridon mutters, slurping my coffee without thanks. "Mad green screen effects."
"Yeah… I have no idea what you're talking about." I say deadpan.
"We were sent a Video from Zmey." Dimitri answers quietly and I'm careful to pick at some lint on my knee. "Through our old contact channel. It shows… it shows what looks like a Strigoi being turned back."
"Turned back?" I repeat, looking up. "Into what?"
Dimitri lifts his eyes to mine and the craving runs over my spine like a caress.
"Into who they used to be." Victor says quietly over the rim of his small ceramic cup.
Ben lifts his phone and the TV lights up, showing a bigger picture of what I imagine is on the smaller one. The video begins to play. Someone, a woman, is shackled by chains to the floor and propped on a seat. When her head jerks up I realise the video has no sound. It seems like she's talking to someone but the way her body strains... she's like a tied-up animal.
A Strigoi. Once I realise the other details register rapidly, the pearly skin, the fangs – even on the video the difference between a Moroi's and hers are stark. If we could see close enough I know I'd see the crimson in her eyes. I'm glad we can't.
Other figures move onto the screen and the Strigoi, the woman, strains further and I cringe, thinking about how much pain must be lancing through her shoulders. Did they feel pain at all? That night in the woods the knife had sunk into the Strigoi like it was hitting wet clay. I knew there were only four ways to kill them, I'd read that somewhere
My breath catches as the figure in a suit, the Moroi, holding a cane, steps forward and addresses her.
Him.
My jaw clenches and I can't help but scan his hands for some glint of gold, even though it's ridiculous to think he'd still been carrying it around. He only holds his cane that could lengthen and retract, the one he'd used to block Victor from exiting his seat in the bar.
The man, the first figure, twirls a stake in his hand and I realise it's Tanner. I glance at Dimitri who's watching the screen. Tanner had begged him to stay down but he didn't, he would rather he got killed than let him take me. I wonder what he's thinking and I have to bite my tongue.
On the screen Tanner and another Dhampir, a woman I realise with a jolt, walk toward the Strigoi. I lean forward in my seat as they take up their positions, Tanner behind her and the other to the side, poised and ready. The Strigoi is thrashing as if possessed and then Tanner slips wire around her neck and pulls. As much as I know the Strigoi is the predator it didn't sit right to watch it be tortured. It hadn't been attacking them although it was making the effort to.
A Moroi, judging by his build, darts forward as Tanner holds the Strigoi by the throat and I have the briefest moment to register he's holding a stake before he plunges it into her bared chest. Then she erupts in light and the Moroi is stumbling back into the waiting female Dhampirs hold. As suddenly as it started it's over and the woman is hunched over in her chair and I would think she were dead if she weren't shaking. There's something so entirely humane about it, I feel it, it calls to me, that vulnerability radiating from her body, and when they free her from her restraints and her arms go around herself I move in my seat.
The Moroi being supported by the Dhampir is approached by Zmey and they leave the room, only he, Tanner, and the woman in the chair remain. I wish I knew what they were saying. They both turn to her as she lifts her head, tear-streaked and pink, so humane.
The screen freezes and the sideways triangle appears indicating to play again.
"Is that...can that be real?" I ask, looking around at their faces.
"It's can't be and yet that's not the weirdest part." Spiridon says.
I stare at him waiting but he looks over my shoulder and it's Victor who answers.
"The Moroi who staked her, seemingly, is my half-brother. Robert."
I blink at him.
"Robert" I repeat. I'd never heard him mention a brother or Natalie talk about an uncle.
He nods, face grave. He looks far older all of a sudden, last night and this recording weighing on him. He's half here and half lost in thought.
"What does that mean? What does any of this mean?" I ask, looking around them.
"That little media project, no idea. The message attached has asked for another meeting because the last one went so swimmingly." Spiridon answers. There are shadows smudged under his eyes and I wonder how he really feels, and how much Adrian had done to help.
"You think it's a lie? Like, they set it up?"
Spiridon looks at me with that old exasperated venom and I brace myself. "Yes, Rose. They set it up. A light went off and abracadabra."
I clench my teeth and remind myself he must be feeling like shit. I shouldn't react. I shouldn't shout at him that not everything is obvious. Adrian could see auras or whatever and he could heal people with his touch.
"I'm not so sure." Victor murmurs and everyone turns to him. He pulls himself into the present and sits up straighter. "Robert is different. Robert has...abilities."
Spiridon looks like he's waiting for the end of the joke and the longer he doesn't get the more sarcastic his expression becomes.
"What abilities?" Dimitri asks.
Victor looks at every one of us in turn, weighing us, and I feel the need to set my shoulders. "This does not leave us." He casts one more look at me, the weakest link and I have to bite my tongue. "Robert could cure people of ailments, minor or more serious. He healed our father for years. At first, we thought the medicine was working but then couldn't understand the relapses, the sudden decline. He also could sense things, when people weren't being honest but that didn't always prove accurate but in times when he was incensed to get the truth his skill with compulsion was something that could not be rivalled."
Ben leans back in his seat, his face pale and I wonder which part of learning about Robert has caused that. If these abilities are so abnormal I couldn't let Adrian and Lissa be found out. I needed to talk to them both before this secret suffocated me.
"Why is he with Zmey?" I blurt.
"I have no idea." His eyes drift away to the glass wall and then he inhales. "Robert isn't well or, wasn't well. He became a danger to himself and others and we decided to put him into a facility for his safety."
"We?" Ben asks, troubled eyes coming back to the present.
"My wife and I." Victor murmurs. "The more he used his ability to heal our father, especially when the disease was at his worst, the more it affected him."
"So Zmey has found this out and taken him for leverage?" Spiridon ponders. He still looks sceptical but keeps his comments to himself.
"I don't know." Victor answers. "I don't think or could never have imagined his ability could stretch to healing the undead."
"No offence but I highly doubt your half brother has been bestowed a Messiah type gift along with one of the elements. Just saying." Spiridon drawls.
"He specialised in no other element." Victor says. "Not particularly strong with any, almost shied away from it."
I make myself be still, to not outwardly react but inside thoughts are firing around my head. I'd held them when he'd described Robert healing their father but now I couldn't. Lissa hadn't specialised and I'm sure that was known to them all but whether they connected it to what Victor is telling us I didn't know. Maybe they wouldn't – maybe Lissa joining Tasha's classes and using her natural gifts was enough to shield her. It was too wide a leap between them, Lissa hadn't made a big demonstration of healing anyone – only me. Adrian would be more in danger of that if anyone suspected Aleksander was skilled with his element. I'd felt what he could do and I know in my being that whatever he had done or tried to do to Spiridon would be something no ordinary medicine could fix.
I'd have to warn them both to be careful, especially if The Circle are kidnapping people with these powers.
Across the table, Ben's folded his arms, fingers biting into his arms and expression unnaturally blank. "Did you not know he was missing? When was the last time you spoke to him?"
"Years ago. He was angry about his placement there but we couldn't come up with another suitable arrangement. He could not be trusted alone and he could be unpredictable to others, especially after the loss of his Guardian. I couldn't trust him around Natalie so would not bring him here, not after she lost her mother. When he was at his worst he was erratic, painted walls in trains of thought, and fractured speech. He was safest where he was."
Ben watches him steadily. "Did you try to see him?"
Dimitri looks down at his mug and I remember that Sonya is now somewhere to stop her from harming herself. I didn't know if Ben had seen her since or could see her.
Victor returns his gaze. "He requested that I didn't and I respected his wishes."
"And in swooped a snake." Spiridon says. "Robert isn't well known, even to the other Royals. How could they have found him?"
"People besides us are good at their jobs too." Dimitri answers.
"There is no use in speculating. How should we go forward is the main concern." Victor says. He lifts his cup only to realise it's empty. I look away to avoid him asking me to refill it. I didn't want to miss hearing anything.
"My first instinct is to reply 'go fuck yourself'." Spiridon says, no hint of humour in his voice.
"And your second?" Victor asks drily.
"It's catching up." Spiridon sighs and looks at Dimitri before turning to Victor. "He wanted us to know he is with or has your brother and then there's the threat of forwarding the movie on to the Court officials. Which if they did that we have the odds on our side they'll brush it aside as nonsense. Not one of them would be able to identify Robert."
"Lucas Ozera might." Victor says thoughtfully.
"Again, who would care and how would it matter."
"If – if this is possible, it changes a lot." Dimitri says.
"No, it doesn't" Spiridon argues. "What are we going to do? Capture nests and line them up for Robert to transform back?"
"That's if we assume he's the only one." Dimitri replies calmly. "If this is true."
Oh shit.
"I think we accept the meeting." Victor says and all three of them go still. "And we have it here."
"Have you...have you snapped?" Spiridon asks. "Am I still drunk?"
Victor acts like he hasn't spoken. "I trust the security of my own home and having you three close. We can ask for more Guardians to patrol encase of trouble and he may only bring his close."
"Rose, can't be here." Ben says adamantly and I frown.
"No." Victor agrees. "She would be safer at the school or the Dragomir's. Either is easy."
"Agreed." Dimitri says quietly.
"Round two." Spiridon mutters and then sits forward. "So we're inviting him here, knowing your brother's in his grasp, and we're going to hear him give you orders, insult you, over tea and scones? Am I understanding this correctly?"
Victor finally acknowledges him looking exasperated. "Yes. In essence. We do essentially agree that Moroi and Dhampir should move forward in working together. Perhaps an ally can still be made out of him. Also, we cannot ignore Balan and the rumours she heard, other groups mobilising. We need to stave them off from joining his cause."
"I'm sticking with my first instinct." Spiridon days, leaning back and takes a large gulp of coffee.
"Speaking of allies." Victor begins, turning a mild look on Dimitri. "I need you keep Natasha close. She is spearheading the movement and we do not need her falling in with The Circle. We need her with us."
My head goes as silent as the room. I keep my eyes on Victor, hands clasped so tightly they tremble and inhale slowly.
"I hardly think that -" Dimitri begins quietly but Victor isn't in the mood to be argued with.
"Natasha is vital to have with us. The tide is turning and when the age vote fails we will have to move quickly to set up the new training programmes. Balan was most impressed with you, with you both, last night. Having another in the Education board with us is monumental."
Dimitri is carved from stone and beside him, Ben looks as about as happy as I feel.
Victor sighs impatiently. "I am not asking that you make any grand promises or marry the woman, although for the life of me I don't understand your hesitancy. I like to think that we all know the stakes but if I have to, and I despise having to, I will remind you all about the roles you have to fulfil, those in your contracts."
I'd like to know what's in these contracts and then burn them. Dimitri returns Victor's gaze giving nothing away. "Is her enthusiasm and loyalty to you not enough?"
"No." Victor says simply. "Those things can change like the tide but her affection for you withstands."
"She deserves better than that." Dimitri says and I will myself to look away from him because if he meets my eyes I don't know what I'll do.
"I really don't understand the problem. Why is this so conflicting for you and your moral compass? Is it the aftermath of sister-gate or something?" Spiridon sounds genuinely confused.
"She's been a great help to us. To repay her by misleading her instead of trusting she'll stay loyal – it doesn't sit right with me."
Spiridon snorts. "You're in the wrong job then. It's not hard to tell women what they want to hear. If it makes it easier I'll send your late morning texts for you."
Dimitri's calm exterior finally cracks and he glares at him.
"She is a bright and beautiful woman, pick your hardships." Victor says, sharing a small grin with Spiridon.
There's some desperation in me trying to claw out. That piece of myself that had been given his words last night to bask in wanting to protect itself.
My stomach lurches queasily and I get to my feet suddenly, earning everyone's attention. "Would you like me to refill that?"
Victor looks down at his empty cup. "Oh yes, thank you, Rose, dear."
I take it from him and stride to the kitchen away from them and that topic, muttering that I'm not his 'dear'. Fetching the coffee doesn't take enough time for them to have changed the topic or for Dimitri to argue his way out of it.
"I don't care for whatever the disagreement was. Fix it." Victor says flatly, taking his cup from me.
Dimitri's jaw flexes.
"Will it not be a bit transparent?" Ben asks, not hiding his scathing tone.
"As I said, tell her what she wants to hear." Spiridon says. "He's thought on it, it kept him up at night, he realised he has more to lose, he took out the stress of the whole evening on her, he doesn't think he's worthy – honestly the more you martyr yourself she'll eat it up. You're already broody enough to pull it off."
Head injury or not I want to bring his mug down over it.
"You don't think a lot of her intelligence then." I say, trying to sound even and drinking my coffee. Something to do with my hands and shut me up.
"If the poets have told us anything it's that even the smartest of us are blinded by our hearts." Victor says.
"That's why I don't have one." Spiridon says, reclining his head back.
"Can't argue with you on that." Ben says.
"And Rose." Victor begins, turning to me and my stomach drops into a pit. "You and Adrian seem to be getting along well."
I keep my face blank. "Yes."
"Is it all genuine?" He asks, taking a sip.
I frown. "Genuine?"
"Mhm, he hasn't asked you about our affairs or anything odd?"
I nearly tell him not everything is about him but instead I say, "No, mostly he makes fun of you all."
I take a sip of my drink. There' the barest smirk on Ben's face.
"I would like to see that friendship flourish." Victor continues. "It would be most useful. Adrian might not care for politics but he knows it, grew up with it. Nathan's failing is in knowing how to relate to his son."
"What are you asking for?" Ben asks deadpan.
"Nothing Rose hasn't already done and is doing." Victor replies silkily, unruffled. "You were right to tell us before when Nathan was trying to pry information from you and still you have a friendship with Adrian. He pretends to not know any better but he is a perceptive young man."
"Perceptive is not what I'd call him." Spiridon mutters.
"If he adjusted himself and took the world more seriously he would hold a good presence." Victor continues. "Perhaps he will and your friendship with him would be quite an asset."
"I won't use Adrian." I tell him, sounding more solid than I feel. "He's my friend."
"And this is your home." Victor says, the lightness flees his tone and face. "I would like to think if you knew anything that could be of use to us or could undermine us you would tell us, immediately."
"There's a way to remedy that." Spiridon suggests and I turn to him in question. He merely smiles.
"No." Dimitri says flatly, turning his weighted gaze on the blonde.
"You would tell us, wouldn't you, Rose?" Victor asks, ignoring the tension and drawing me back to him.
"Of course I would, I just mean that – I don't want to be close to him to spy on him."
"Of course not. Be close to him, be his friend. I only ask that you are ours too."
"I think he'd probably want more than friendship or he'll get bored." Spiridon says. "You could play him and Ashford against each other. That would keep things going."
"Please, shut up." Ben says through his teeth.
"I wasn't suggesting it." Spiridon replies, rubbing his eyes. "I was just stating the obvious."
"Adrian doesn't expect anything." I say coldly.
Spiridon snorts.
"Perhaps he does want more than a friendship." Victor says in his mild tone causing all my muscles to lock. "There is no harm in some good old-fashioned courting."
I can feel Spiridon grinning and I'm dangerously close to hitting him
"And that would benefit us because Nathan would hate his son publicly dating a Dhampir?" Ben says, face hard.
What the hell is happening?
"Not just us, the agenda, the working together initiative."
"Rose, is not under any contract." Dimitri says and the anger is embedded in his voice. "And this should not be expected."
Victor waves a hand. "Of course not, we're just talking."
"But Dimitri has to date, Natasha?" I say, words threatening to spike and crack. Heat coat my insides and I'm close to yelling, the clawing sensation working its way higher.
"He does." Victor answers, draining the last of his coffee.
"That's disgusting." I say under my breath, glaring down at my drink. I pull last night around me, try and use it as a shield, a comfort, something to push back the rage and other feelings.
"Working for the greater good can be." He says it so simply as if messing with people's lives is easy. "Anyway, are we in agreement that we should host Zmey?"
Spiridon huffs out a breath."If we're doing this insane thing then yeah, here is a better place than any. Can we emphasize he has to be on his best behaviour. I get the impression walking into a lion's den is the equivalent of a stroll in the park to him."
"His arrogance may be the reason he agrees to our terms. One Guardian with him, extra security for patrol, you three in the room and Rose out of harm's way." Victor summarises.
He looks around his three Guardian's faces and when they pose no argument he nods, the plan set. I can't wrap my head around that man being here, in this living room, drinking from the mugs we're holding.
"Any other topics for discussion?" Victor asks.
"I would like the fifteenth off." Dimitri says.
"Providing it doesn't clash with hosting Zmey, fine."
"That's the dance." Spiridon supplies, smirking. "Would that not be a sweet way to make a point? Being Tasha's date?"
Dimitri doesn't bite but I'm ready to smack the mug from his hands and flip the coffee table.
"I have Christmas errands to run." He says smoothly and then turns to me. My heart stutters in my chest and my lungs pause. "Rose, did you not have things you wished to pick up in town?"
It takes half a second to process and realize he's offering an opportunity. I exhale. "Yes, I have some presents to buy. Thanks."
Dimitri nods but Victor is frowning at me. "You don't want to go to the dance?"
"No. I think I've had enough of people for a while."
"If I have a role to play then I need Ben to address something." Dimitri says, setting down his mug. The look on his face is one that's prepared for an argument and one he's determined to win. "Natasha approached Rose last night and tried to make her agree to remain silent about their connection."
"She did what?" Ben demands, sitting forward. "When?"
"When Spiridon was drinking and you were taking Aleksander back." I supply.
Victor's lips are pursed. "Well, I don't entirely fault her. I am not saying she was right to but we know how impatient and direct she can be. She is only trying to protect Christian."
"And we should be protecting, Rose." Ben snaps, causing the atmosphere to be pulled tight.
"Exactly." Dimitri agrees.
"Are you made of glass again?" Spiridon asks me. I shut my eyes, pray for strength before answering.
"I handled it." I tell them. "She asked me to not tell Lissa and I simply told her she can't tell me what to do."
"You should not tell, Lissa." Victor says. "You should absolutely not tell anyone at this moment. What they know is enough and there is no point doing more damage."
I bite my tongue until I taste blood.
"I don't think Natasha should come to the house again. This is Rose's home. This should be her safe space." Ben states. "Happy to remind her of that."
"Where is Dimitri going to have his date nights?" Spiridon asks and I clench the mug so tightly it may shatter.
"She can make do with words." Ben counters. "We have enough work to be getting on with and the Lodge trip coming. She'll understand."
"It's funny how she was called impatient and yet she's putting up with his glacier pace." Spiridon remarks.
"Then you undertake the job of lobbying the Ozera."
"I would have if we had the time." Spiridon says easily. "But Dimitri didn't nip it in the bud early enough."
"Enough." Victor says, drawing out the word. He turns to me, crossing one leg over the other. "I understand that she makes you uncomfortable, Rose. I will keep that in mind."
Ben opens his mouth then seems to think better of it when Dimitri gives him a look.
"I need your word that you are not going to reveal your ties to the Ozera's." He adds, watching me steadily.
"Ties." I echo and fight against the flame setting the shield on fire and burning away any comfort.
"Don't be difficult." Spiridon mutters.
"Leave it." The words are two slow and dangerous full stops from Dimitri's mouth but it's Ben who's wound tight and glaring.
Spiridon sighs. "Look can we handle our shit in order of priority? Rose, what is telling Lissa going to get you?"
"It wouldn't – I don't want anything! And if Natasha is so innocent like you all believe then why the hell does it need to be a secret? Why hasn't Christian told her?"
"Shame." Victor says simply, continuing to watch me.
The taste of iron coats my tongue. "I won't tell Lissa, or Natalie, because it would upset them."
"You won't tell anyone. For the foreseeable future." Victor orders.
I don't trust myself to speak so I just nod, one sharp jerk of my chin. There's a tense silence and my hands have started to vibrate.
"Well, I think we can leave it there for the moment." Victor says softly, uncrossing his legs and standing. He touches my shoulder as he passes and I almost flinch. "Dimitri, a private word, please."
I can feel his dark eyes on me but I keep mine trained on the shiny surface of the table. I sense him get up and leave. When I finally lift my eyes I see his boots disappearing onto the landing.
"Are you about to have a tantrum?" Spiridon asks.
"I will knock the teeth out of your head." Ben snaps and he laughs.
I snatch up the discarded mugs and stalk to the kitchen. When I reach it I let out the breath I'd been holding. I try to regulate my anger using my lungs but it's not working. I wrench open the back door and take my hot head into the winter night.
Ben catches up to me on the path. Throwing a coat around my shoulders. I mutter thanks but don't break my pace. I might start shouting if I stop moving.
"I bet you wish you hadn't worried about him now." He falls into step beside me, zipping up his coat.
I don't say anything. Don't trust myself to.
"I'll tell Natasha to back off." He says. "I haven't a problem with reminding her that she doesn't get to have her way with everything."
She's going to get her way with Dimitri. She's going to think she was right in everything she said to me last night and what was Dimitri going to say to her? How was he going to go back on everything he'd already told her. Was it going to be anything close to what he'd said to me because that would probably have her exactly where ever it is Victor wants her. How much misleading would he have to do – what if it takes more than words.
The anger is contorting and cooling, becoming something worse. Leaving me bitter and sad.
"What did you mean about 'as innocent as we believe'?" Ben suddenly asks.
I glance out at the icy patches formed on the water. "Nothing."
"I don't believe you." His words fall between us and I should be filling the silence with denials or explaining I'm just frustrated but I don't. I don't say anything. "What did you mean?"
When I don't answer he takes my arm and brings us to a stop. "Rose, tell me, please."
"She didn't know I was there." I say truthfully. Looking past his shoulder to the frozen drips on the bare branches.
I think it's enough that he'll buy the half-truth of the thing but because Ben is so laid back, much more relaxed than the other two it's so easy to forget he's just as capable of picking up on things and that he can read between the lines. "But...did she know? And I mean weeks, months before we came. Before she could have told Victor."
I finally meet his eyes, ready to lie, but the way he's looking at me makes everything inside goes still. His face collapses at whatever he sees on mine. "Oh, oh fuck."
Then I'm crushed to him and it's not awkward like before because he's holding me together as the stillness cracks and everything clashes inside of me wanting out.
"You can't tell them. Any of them." I manage to say.
He steps back so he can look down at me, keeping his hands on my shoulders. His face is thinner, how hadn't I noticed that before? "How long did she know? How did she know?"
"She never saw me." I repeat. "But I saw her see the others. I was twelve I think...maybe thirteen."
He lets go of me to runs his hands over his face. "That lying bitch."
"Ben, you can't tell -"
"Oh I know I can't because it won't make a difference." He says harshly, looking angrier than I've ever seen him. "Why didn't you tell us this before? Why didn't you tell me? Oh my god, and she was here for a month."
He begins to pace and his anger lifts some of the weight off my shoulders. Someone knows, finally, someone knows. "Because… well I didn't see the point and I didn't think she would be this close. I didn't think I'd ever have to be around her." Some of my anger finds its way up my throat into my voice. "And you weren't here! You all just left me here and Dimitri was half dead and she was the only reason he was getting help. You never called me. You never checked to see if I was okay so why would I think to tell you?"
He'd stopped pacing as my voice spiked and now looks at me with such shame I have to turn away and start walking again. I feel him follow me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I let you down like that – I can't see past the task at hand sometimes. I can't deviate and I didn't even think. I'm sorry."
"You can't tell Dimitri." I return evenly, crossing my arms.
"No. He'll...go postal."
"What?"
"Mad, he'll go mad. Then Victor could threaten breach of contract and fuck. It'll be a shit show."
"What is in your contracts? Why does he have to pretend to like her and what does that even mean? What does he have to do?"
He sighs, "Our contracts with Victor are different. Mine doesn't stipulate any such thing about faking a romantic relationship but theirs do. Not phrased like that, it'll be some formal jargon but essentially if Victor needs something done they've agreed by any means necessary to do it."
"And if they don't?"
"Then they're in breach. Victor takes that to The Guard, it's dealt with privately, and they'll probably be banned from taking private contracts and have to switch to a public rotation. So sent where they're needed – schools, communities, hospitals, Court, the red zones maybe."
Mason has explained to me yesterday that red zones were where the highest total of Strigoi attacks are. Places with long nights and humans can blame other humans for murder.
"They would have to go? They have no say?"
"Not if they want to remain a Guardian."
I feel him looking at me. "Rose, I-"
"It's fine. Really, it's fine. It's just...good someone knows now. I couldn't listen to everyone having only good things to say about her when she's not a good person. She isn't. I mean – how is it even a good trait of hers to be persistently wanting Dimitri like he's something she should own?"
Ben's quiet and I ready myself for him to argue.
"I always thought there was something off but I couldn't, I would never have thought it would have been as bad as that. When she contacted Victor we were at that estate within four days and she seemed so distraught. Are you sure that -"
I whirl on him. "Yes, I'm sure. I heard her talking to them as she walked through the grounds. I heard her-"
Ben is holding up his hands. "I was going to ask if your sure she didn't know about you. Is she lying about that?"
The fire retreats a little. "No. I only saw her once. She didn't see me and she denies she knew at all."
His light brown eyes narrow. "You confronted her."
I grind my teeth and look back at the water. We'd made it halfway around the trail. "Yes. She was trying to thank me for helping in Estonia, said she owed me one, as I'd done her some great favour."
"And she denied it?"
I nod and there's a sourness on my tongue. "Before she told me she was grateful to me."
She denied seeing Eddie. She denied that he existed. She denied that he mattered. She lied.
"Manipulative bitch." Ben says, the harshness in his voice shocking me. His tawny eyes are like beaten rock. I begin to ask him something but he holds up a hand and tells me he needs to think.
"Okay, so we can't confront her about that. Not yet." He says, the house coming into view up ahead. "But I'll pull her on yesterday's shit. What did she say to you then? You paraphrased before."
I shrug and then think there's no harm in telling him more of the truth. If she got to be sneaky and twist things and everyone else was playing these games to get what they wanted – then I would play too. "She thinks Dimitri doesn't want to be with her because he's protective of me. So that's also my fault."
He mutters another curse under his breath. I turn to him as we near the treeline to the green.
"Why do you believe me?"
A crease develops between his eyebrows. "Why wouldn't I believe you?"
The anger turns over again, bearing the other side of it, the vulnerable underbelly. I look at him and it hits me that Dimitri is not my only ally and he doesn't have to be. I collide with I'm with enough force he rocks back on his feet as my arms grip him around the waist.
"Thank you."
His arms go around my shoulders. "I'm sorry I keep letting you down."
"What?"
"With Alec, I didn't notice. I said she shouldn't chaperone the party but I didn't insist. I didn't protest when Victor told us he'd invited her to Thanksgiving even though I knew how bad that would be for you. I'm not going to say I'm sorry again. Actions over words."
I step back from him. "What does that mean?"
There's no trace of warmth in his face, no hint of anything Benlike. "Well, for one I will tell her that confronting you like is very unbecoming of her considering all her family has put your through. If she wants to try and patronise and manipulate you – I can put that right back on her. Then, with her knowing for years, I don't know. Not right now. If we play that right we could maybe get her to back off from Dimitri. Blackmail her because if he found out – well you've seen a hint of his temper."
Spiridon pinned to the wall. Alec pinned to the wall. The fury behind his fight with Tanner.
"He wouldn't hurt her." I say, feeling sure and a little disappointed by it. She could have helped end so much suffering. She could have saved Eddie had she intervened sooner. More of my mother would be intact.
"Maybe not physically but Dimitri's just as creative as Spiridon and scarily patient."
'Tyrants and child abusers' he'd repeated, damning them but I don't know if she falls into either of those categories and if their history, their friendship, would give her an advantage. He said she was coming between them for how she'd spoken to me but now did any of it matter? Now he had to take telling her 'no' back and not being allowed to voice what he'd told me last night. He'd had to divert it to Ben to do – which meant he was going to follow Victors' orders.
"If Dimitri breached his contract he'd be sent away? Even though he's done so much for Victor and is...valuable."
"I think Victor has enough pride that he'd lose Dimitri and punish him to make a point of being cost a Royal vote."
"Why does she matter so much? I don't understand all the gathering royal people talk."
Ben looks around as if to reassure himself we're alone. "Because Victor wants to be king."
I frown. "But there hasn't been one in years because that last one went mad and murdered people."
Ben nods. "Yes, but look at the state of our world. We need a leader, not people who fighting to prove their more important or just as important as each other and love to hear themselves speak – that's what the coalition is. If Victor can get support from more than half he could be reinstated as a Monarch."
"He has the Dragomirs', the Ozera's, and... Vodas'?" I venture.
"Yes. And if he has support from members of the Education Board, is someone instrumental to the vote not passing for younger Guardian's – it's a lot of weight to back him."
I don't completely understand the whole picture, the weight of these things, probably because it means nothing to me. So I ask the only thing that does.
"So, Dimitri has to keep her close so Victor has her vote because Lucas isn't going to be on the council for long?" Ben nods, one finger over his lips, watching me put things together. "How long does he have to do that for?"
"If you're asking Victor – then until he's king, so the 'foreseeable future' or until his contract ends."
My stomach lurches and I step away, pressing a palm to my forehead. "That's being trapped. That's not having choices."
"He's a big boy, Rose. He can handle a fake relationship and it's not forever."
"It's still not right and she's manipulative. She'll try her best to not let him go."
"I'll work on that." He says quietly and considers me. "I know it's hard to think of her having a hold on someone who doesn't want it but it's nothing like what happened to you -"
"I know that." I snap.
"And he can handle it. I know you care about him, he's protected you at every turn, but trust me. He'll handle this."
I try to bite my tongue again but wince, having already split it open. I couldn't tell him any more truths. So I just nod, looking like I agree with him.
"When will you see her?" I ask.
"I don't know yet but I'll tell you."
"Thank you." I say again, meaning it, feeling more weight off my chest. Fewer things to hide. "Please don't tell anyone."
"I won't." He draws me in again with one arm. "I won't let you down."
My fingers bite into the cold material of his coat. "Please don't."
/
Inside Spiridon is drinking something cloudy, painkiller medicine on the counter. I breeze past him. Ignore him asking what's for breakfast. Climb the stairs and as I step toward my room Victor's study door opens. Dimitri pulls it closed behind him, gaze locking with mine. He opens his mouth but I shake my head, step into my room and close the door. I needed a break. My head is too full.
Before I'd left this room this morning I'd been so happy and now I'm somehow lighter and heavy.
Ben knew she wasn't this perfect, innovative, 'bright' and 'beautiful' woman. Dimitri knew she was manipulative and overstepped. That was at least something.
But now she was going to get seemingly what she wanted, openly and it makes my blood boil. Victor made my blood boil and I'm glad Natalie's furious with him, I hope it causes hurt and I hope she didn't let it go easily. If I had to be angry at least I had people angry with me.
After pacing, throwing myself down on the bed, my mind refusing to settle – I change into running clothes.
I manage two and a half laps without stopping but by the time I get back to the green my lungs are burning and my mind is clearer.
Inside Spiridon has his head propped back on the sofa with a damp towel over his forehead and eyes.
"You promised lemon cake." He drawls, not moving.
"That was before you were back to being an asshole."
"I've always been an asshole."
"Work on that."
I shower, change, eat a lot and manage to avoid or ignore everyone. Retreating to the library with a book but I've only read a few chapters when Lissa calls. We recap the night and it's weird to be holding parts of it back from her, the talk with Adrian, and even the one with Natasha. I want to tell her so badly but I can't. I'd told the truth enough for a little while and I had sworn to Victor. I might not have a contract but if I messed up what's to stop him from sending me somewhere where I won't be trouble? Ben said enough about his pride that I think that's a possibility and I no longer trust the man I thought to be a symbol of good, who helped pull me out of the cage.
Lissa tells me about how their after-party went, that it wasn't the same without me but I don't believe her. I tell her I'm not going to the dance and give her the same reason I'd given Victor. I was sick of being around too many people and by the sounds of things Christmas was going to mean being around a lot of them. She offers to blow it off and to come hang out with me instead. It's the first time I feel guilty about lying but I'd feel it tenfold to get that time with him. Especially now.
Lissa dials Natalie in and we end up discussing what types of cakes people would be. I get called a pinata cake, Natalie's a brownie and we can't decide what kind of cupcake Lissa is. It's all nonsense but it's fun, and the most conversation Natalie can handle with her hangover. We decide that Friendmas has to be on the first weekend of December because of the dance and more exams before we go to the Lodge. Natalie does not accept I'm not going to the dance or my excuse for needing to shop. Not unkindly reminding me I don't have a lot of people to buy for and no one expects me to get them anything. She also doesn't understand not wanting to be around people. I don't have the energy to continually argue with her so by the time we hang up I already know she's preparing her next argument. Lissa texts me within minutes to say she'll talk to her and I grin at my phone.
I wait for him cross-legged on the window seat as the morning hours creep closer. When the faintest dust of pink brushes the sky I wonder if he's not coming. He didn't come every night but tonight I feel like he needs to.
I prop my chin on my knees and wait.
My bedroom door opens silently and he steps in, wearing grey loungers, a dark t-shirt, and his hair's damp.
He leans back against it.
He asks quietly. "Do you want me here?"
"I was waiting, wasn't I?"
He locks the door and to his surprise I get up, crossing the floor quickly and wrapping my arms around him.
"I'm so angry." I whisper.
"So am I." His arms around me tighten. "I'm letting you down."
I don't correct him even though it's not in his control. "Ben explained about the contracts."
"He told me." He murmurs. "And he will make sure she keeps her distance from you. He cares about you and Ben, Ben will do anything for the people he cares about."
I lean my head back. "So do you."
"I'm not exactly getting it right so far."
I inhale the fresh citrus and step out of his hold, but take his hand. "So you have to tell her you didn't mean it."
"Yes." He utters. He's rigid, looking across the room at nothing at all.
"And will it mean more than just words?" I feel him look down at me but I can't raise my eyes from his chest. "Won't she want more than words to prove it to her?"
He tilts my chin up and I still resist meeting his gaze until he says my name. He's fighting to keep it under the surface, contained and I hate it. "I'll tell her what she wants to hear nothing more."
"Like the things you said to me?"
The facade cracks and an intensity fills his gaze. "No."
"So what does she want to hear?" I step away, not able to handle being close with this anger turning over and over but still feeling the loss of his touch. I feel too much and I don't know what to do. "What exactly will you tell Natasha to let her know you want her."
"Rose, I'm going to lie. It doesn't mean anything."
"She's going to think she's right. When she taunted me last night that you do have this bond that can't be understood outside of you both. Everyone will know and everyone already thinks you should be together anyway so-"
"And everyone is wrong. I don't really a give a fuck about anyone else's opinion but yours." He says in a heated rush. "I am going to say what I need to and nothing more. I am going to lie, I am going to mislead, and as you already said it's disgusting behaviour but it is what it is. I am a good liar and I will find ways to trip it up. I will even find a way out of it. Natasha is fixated on me but when I only give her the barest taste of what she wants and then pull back she will quickly change her mind."
I return his gaze, my temper waning and revealing the thing driving it – fear. He said he wouldn't push me away, he said he wouldn't leave and I'd known she was this thing between us before he did but only for a different reason. Now Victors forced her in, doubled her in size and it makes me afraid she'll get her opportunity to dig in claws in and whisper lies.
But he'll be telling lies too and he's already lying for me, risking things for me.
"She won't settle for just words and then what?"
"Words are all she'll get. I told you it would be hard." He says quietly, desperation lacing the words.
"I thought it would be just us for longer. I thought the hardest part would be not showing how I feel around people and if I have to see you with her, whilst she touches you and you don't step away from her -"
"All lies." He says. "Rose, I promise you."
"And if she tries to kiss you, what are you going to do?" I fire at him. "Pretend to be shy?"
He sighs. "I'm hardly going to see her. We live together and we don't get enough time -"
I knock his hands aside and move away.
"Victor isn't trying to push us together!" I take a deep breath, try to remember that people are sleeping but black jealousy is coiling with my temper, twisting. I meet his gaze., "But he wants me closer to Adrian. So should I do that because it'll be beneficial? I might not have a contract but I'm no more free than you are."
His face closes off, trying to shut down what's below the surface but I'd seen a glimpse of it. I'd seen the flicker of anger and I wanted to feed it.
"Victor tells people that things are different in this house, that this is your home but you are being made to do this. You're being forced – how can you be okay with this?"
"Roza, please. I know this isn't fair but I am not going to betray you. I don't want to be with her, I won't be with her. It will be empty words and promises. I am a good liar, trust me. If keeping this job means having sacrificing my integrity and being close to you then I will do it."
I shove him back. "This is what we're for, isn't it? To be used whatever way benefits Moroi because they come first -"
"So what do you want me to do? Tell me." I blink at him, words drying on my tongue. "Well? You have me, for whatever it's worth, and this will be a job and one I will do badly. But I understand if it's not...I understand it's unfair and a lot to ask you for you to endure. I understand if you don't want this anymore."
It hangs in the air between us and no longer am I at a loss for words. They come crashing out of me. "Is that how you get out of being a liar? Making me end us because you've made promises and only I can send you away? Why is it so easy for you? How can all of this come easy to you?"
"Easy for me?" He repeats, the composure falling away. "You think it's easy for me to be in a room with you and not reach for you? To let Victor suggest things to do you that should never be asked for? To see Adrian Ivashkov flirt with you and make you laugh and Mason Ashford able to tell you how beautiful you look, to let the room know what effect you have? You think that's easy for me? That's how I know I am a good liar because I hold myself back."
My fists are shaking. "Well thank you for teaching me something else, I'll be sure to follow your lead when you're with her and when you see me with Adrian or Mason or whoever it is Victor needs me to be with, it'll be a testament to your control."
There's a kindling in the dark recess of his eyes, not the gold that could be unearthed when he was happy or in the light, but a spark of what I was feeling – the rage, the jealousy, the disbelief, and I needed to draw it out. I needed to see it, I needed to know he could feel this and be powerless to it too.
"And what if it was me?" It comes out coolly and his brow creases. "What if Victor pushes me to go to Adrian, to use our closeness...to be with him...for it not to be my choice and I have to learn to accept it?"
He stares at me, face closing off to be purposefully unreadable and it spurs me on. I want him to know how this feels. "Kissing Adrian won't be hard. After the first time, there's no suspense around it is there? Lips are lips."
A cruel hush falls between us and again I think that screaming is better. The silence builds, a pot lid rattling. I'd told him nothing had happened in Estonia but now I'd let him think that I could lie too.
"Stop it." He says quietly.
The jealousy does an excited flip and I step closer to him. "Why do you get to be with her in public and she gets to be so proud to finally have you, and then you sneak into my room to sleep and tell me what lies you told her and other ways you have to convince her you want her? Why shouldn't I do the same thing with Adrian, it's just lies after all. Why shouldn't I lie and tell him I want him, and touch him when it's all just lies -"
"Rose." His tone is a warning and a plea.
"You said sex was about intimacy and strengthening bonds, well wouldn't that be the ultimate lie? And it's okay because it's just a lie. From what Natalie tells me Adrian already really experienced so he should be able to answer any questions I have and show me -"
"Rose, stop it." It comes out between his teeth.
I'm close enough I can poke his chest to emphasize my next words.
"What it's like to enjoy it." He flinches and the jealousy is speared by shame but it writhes around it, not allowing defeat. I force my voice to be airy, conversational. "He asked me about sex you know, when we were in the garden together...he asked me if I'm sleeping with anyone. I wonder why. I wonder if he wants an exclusive answer."
He glares down at me, rage plain on his face, and a muscle ticks in his jaw. "Do you think that when I woke up this morning, unbelievably happy after our night together, to be told I'm essentially being whored out to fulfil a small print – that I would find some level of enjoyment from it? Do you think I liked sitting there in front of you all and being told I had a job to do that would attack the only thing I'd chosen for myself in years? Do you think I'm not going to do everything I possibly can to get out of this?"
My back hits the drawers and I realise he's walked us across the room, every question a shove against everything I'd pushed at him. I hadn't even been aware of what I was saying and even now, knowing I was going too far, much too far, I'm still angry and I can't tether it. I smile at him, ignoring his attempt to regain control and be reasonable. I was sick of hearing how this would be a job, that he could separate the two, that there could be us and her in between.
I lean up and say quietly. "They come first. So essentially it doesn't matter what we want – and Adrian wants to touch me so maybe the next time I need to hide in the library it'll be with him." His whole body tenses, his breathing shallow and shaky. "With his hand over my mouth, whispering things in my ear and he'll be taking his pleasure from it."
"Please, stop." He says in a low breath, hands bracing on either of me on the drawers, but the jealousy isn't satisfied, hasn't driven the hurt home.
"And my choices won't be mine because Victor needs something, so when I have to lie down and accept it I'll remember it's all a lie and a job." His heads bowed, eyes boring into me, his shoulders rigid and I reach up on tiptoe. "Isn't that right?"
Anger breaks my voice on the last word and I can feel he's clinging to the last strands of control. My words slither around us, painting a picture behind his eyes, one that's hard to look away from.
"Stop it." He growls.
"Why? It's a lie so it doesn't matter, does it? When you sneak in here we can tell each other about all the lies we've told that day, words or otherwise." His hands latch onto my shoulders and pull me up so my toes are barely on the carpet. "Or is it too much to think about him taking off my dress, my underwear, and kissing me there for pleasure. Shouldn't I be whored out too?"
"Please." His lips barely move.
I swallow, the vilest thing about to leave my mouth. "And at least this time when I'm made to kneel I'll know what to do."
He breaks. His hands leave me to slam back on the drawers' surface with such force it rattles against the wall. I brace myself for what he'll have to say for putting those images in his head, for suggesting I could have even a piece of the same thing with Adrian that I have with him. His breathing is erratic and his shoulders shake.
He should be shouting, why isn't he shouting?
The shaking isn't just contained to his shoulders, it's his whole body. The anger, the jealousy, and the pining for his rage goes out like a flame extinguished leaving me in the empty dark. I've gone too far. I've pushed him somewhere beyond the boundaries, beyond rage and jealousy.
"Dimitri."
His arms wind around me pulling me to him, holding me to him as if he needs something to anchor him and pull him back. The trembling passes into my bones and I throw my arms around his shoulders, holding him as tight as I can. I thought my words were pushing him, not pulling him apart.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, please."
His face is buried in my shoulder, I'm as high as I can be on my toes but it's not enough. I can't wrap him up the way I need to, I can't pull his face to me to make him see I didn't mean it. I don't even know if he's hearing me as I say I'm sorry over and over. I stroke his hair back, fingers curled into his t-shirt, telling him the truth and pleading it will bring him back to me. His hot breath fans against my neck in pants and then suddenly he lifts me onto the drawers, I don't hesitate in wrapping more of myself around him.
He roughly kisses my neck, teeth catching the skin and I gasp. My fingers rake through his hair as he lifts his head and his eyes are clearer, and mine blur in relief. He kisses me and I kiss him back with just as much force, pouring in all the comfort and reassurance I can. His heart is a chaotic tempo.
He pulls my hips so we're pressed so tightly together that there can only be us, no one else can force their way in and he's ready to force them out.
"Don't do this with him." He says between kisses, leaving me breathless and my mind tripping over itself. "This is only for me."
His hands tighten on my hips and his rock against me. "Yes."
A hand threads into the back of my head and tilts my head back so my neck is exposed. "I don't care about Estonia. He doesn't get this...or is that what you want? Do you want him like this?"
He descends upon my neck again, causing my knees to clench against his thighs as a strangled breath leaves me. "No."
His hand slips under my top, running up the skin of my back. "It would ruin me. Him tasting you, touching you, holding you, hearing the noises you make – it would drive me mad."
I try to tell him I don't want that, I don't want Adrian and I was just trying to make him understand but his lips are fastened on me again and all I can do is breathe around the sensation shuddering through my body. Something instinctual and primal. My nails rake over his shoulders and biceps, the ache between my thighs sending demands through my entire body.
"Dimitri." It sounds like a plea.
He comes back to my lips and I whimper as he doesn't hesitate in sinking in tongue into my mouth. The air of the room skims over my exposed back, his hands running over it in possessive caresses, and everything that I'd been spewing out of my mouth had been such baseless lies. I couldn't have this with anyone else and to even try would be a pathetic attempt. I'd turned our moments inside out and tried to use Adrian to poison them.
I break away, dragging in air, and he falls to the other side of my neck he hasn't ravaged. "I wanted to make you understand how it feels. I am for you too and we can't be for anyone else."
His fingers drag to my waist, circling it in his hands, thumbs stroking the sensitive skin of my stomach. He lifts his mouth to my ear. "No, we can't be."
I pull his face to mine. He still looks half-wild, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. "That's all I want."
"I'm all you want?" He demands eyes a bottomless black that I could keep falling into.
"Yes." His thumbs sweep higher, over my bottom rib and I gasp.
"You're for me." He repeats and there's no mistaking the possessiveness in his voice.
I can only nod and he kisses me, more gently than before but just as claiming.
After a few minutes, his hands leave my skin and smooth my top back down but before I can feel any sense of loss he lifts me, taking us to the bed. He braces above me and I want his touch under the material again, I want to be possessed and claimed like this by him. He runs a thumb over my tender bottom lip, eyes trained on it and I know the things I said are still clinging to him.
"I needed you to know how it would feel to see you together, where my mind would go, what other people will think." I explain quietly, aware of how fragile the air is. His eyes lift to mine, burning coals. "You don't deserve that. I don't' deserve that."
The silence stretches out as my words try and erase the earlier ones, the pictures they'd painted in his mind and attacked him. The change is so subtle, the lightening of the black, his expression softening from marble to something less severe.
"No." It drops from his lips and I inhale. "I don't want you to ever think that. I only want you to think of us together."
"Yes." I breathe and he lowers his head slowly, pressing his lips against my sensitive ones, and then he settles on top of me, face tucked into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him, one hand stroking his hair as his arms slide under me.
In the aftermath everything settles around us, giving me time to go over it, replaying it, and watching myself like I'd watched Zmey and Tanner earlier – trying to make sense of it, trying to understand it all. I'd been vicious but it had been necessary, I needed him to feel it how I did but what I hadn't expected was his reaction. I'd wanted vicious words back or dawning disgust on his face followed by agreement, understanding. Instead, he'd fractured.
I tighten my hold on his shoulders, my other hands running soothingly through his hair, trying to mend what I broke. I knead the back of his head gently and he sighs. The warmth and the weight of his body transferring into mine, waking me back up and chasing out the cold jealousy.
"I meant what I said." He whispers against my neck. "Nobody is ever going to make you do what you don't want to."
My eyes close. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."
"But I do. I will do everything to protect you. I'll die to fulfil that vow I made your mother, that vows I've made to you and...I understand your fury from before and I'm sorry I have this part to play. It's not easy, it is not my choice but I won't be controlled. I won't give you up."
I turn my head so I can kiss his forehead and his hold tightens. We shift so we're on our sides and his fingers trace my cheek.
"Victor and his contract can go to hell." I murmur and the ghost of a grin passes over his mouth.
"So can his offers." He replies and then at my confused expression he admits. "Tasha's offer was his idea. That's what sent me over the night I had to leave."
The flame uncoils from where it had been placated, tilts its head. The tricks, the lies, the manipulation, the smoke-screen of 'we are better' to hide 'they come first' becomes so clear, so obvious and it's attacking everything I had.
I cover his hand on my face. "We can lie too and we can do it better."
"Yes, we will."
/
MASSIVE MASSIVE S/O TO MADDY FOR HELPING BRING THE CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN ROSE AND DIMITRI IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER AND THE END OF THIS ONE TO LIFE IN THE BEST WAY! 3 screaming live on google doc with her has been the highlight of my week :D and i cannot wait to see what other angsty/ passionate / romantic shit we come up with.
* I am not taking responsibility for Victor and his audacity
*Somone needs to warn Adrian before he gets shoved out an open window at Christmas.
Also big thank you to the girls on P. .e.o.n for hyping things up and leaving so many good comments / scenarios to imagine. It is the bessst.