Onwards! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think. And as always, thank you very much to all of you commenting, love to hear your thoughts!
The sky had darkened as they rode out, Dwalin and Fili leading the small group while Lothar followed after them. Fili was sat on Lithen's back, having decided that it would be better to bring the steed along. Not knowing what had happened or where the druid had gone in the morning, Lithen was their best chance to find her, if the pony remembered the way it had come. And it seemed as though he was. Fili was only keeping a loose hold of the reins, mostly letting the pony lead the way.
They rode down the path toward Dale, before they changed direction slightly and moved further toward the River Running. A certain understanding rose within Fili as they rode, knowing where this path led. But he did not have time to mention it out loud to either of his companions, for they soon reached a small forest that adorned the edge of the river. It was there that Lithen came to a stuttering halt, digging his hooves into the ground as he trotted on the spot. Fili nudged his heels into the pony's sides, but Lithen did not budge.
"Wait!" he called out to Dwalin and Lothar, who had gotten a little way further already. They halted and turned upon his words, Dwalin sending him a questioning look as Fili looked around. It was a calm evening, the sound of birds and a soft breeze rustling through the air as the blond dwarf slowly descended the pony. He grabbed Lithen's reins, once more bringing his hand up to the bloody marks on his snout, before he took a few steps forward.
At first, he saw nothing out of the ordinary, but the fact that Lithen could not be convinced to go any further than this had him looking around more closely. He took a few careful steps across the grass beneath his feet, his gaze wandering over his surroundings. He frowned as his gaze followed along the edge of the forest, before his gaze suddenly fell on a spot where several branches had been broken.
"Dwalin," he called, more quietly now, as the burly dwarf and the young guard had descended their ponies as well. Fili walked up to the spot with the broken branches, peering into the dark forest. "Over here."
"Someone came through here," Dwalin agreed as he came to a halt by the king's side, looking from the broken branches and twigs on the ground into the forest, as well. He couldn't see anything within the shadows of the dark trees.
Fili gave a short nod, drawing one of his swords for good measure as he took a first step into the bushes. "Lithen will not take another step," he explained lowly, as Dwalin followed after him, one hand on his old battle axe. "She must be here somewhere."
"If she is, we'll find her," Dwalin answered, before he turned back around to Lothar for a moment. "Stay here with the ponies. Give us a sign if you see anything suspicious."
The young guard just nodded, standing up straighter as he gathered the ponies' reins in his hands. Dwalin gave him a last look, before he followed after Fili, who had already disappeared into the thicket. The blond dwarf was leading the way, ducking under some low hanging branches. The trail of broken twigs continued and Fili followed it with an expert eye, as though he was out on a hunt and looking for an injured deer.
It wasn't long before they found her. Fili's eyes widened when he arrived at the end of the trail and his gaze fell on the small druid lying on the cold ground by a large tree. He sheathed his sword as he rushed forward, Dwalin following on his heels, though the burly dwarf still kept one hand on his axe, as he kept his eyes peeled for danger. Arinna was lying on her side with her eyes closed, her face pale and sweaty. Fili kneeled in front of her, feeling an awful dread twist his stomach as he reached for her, noticing with relief that she was still breathing. And then his eyes fell on the knife that was sticking out of her shoulder, the unnatural sight sending a shiver down his spine and anger bubbling hot in his stomach.
"Arinna," he spoke, feeling his chest tighten as he put one hand on her cold, sweaty cheek and brushed it against her skin in an attempt to wake her. Her eyes fluttered slightly, though they did not open. Fili shook his head, while Dwalin was now coming to a halt beside him. "She's injured."
"We must get her to Oin," the burly dwarf said in return, watching as Fili shortly brought his hand to the druid's wound, pulling it away as her blood stained his fingers. "We'll have to remove that. Riding back and jostling it might do her further harm."
He gave Fili a hard look as the king looked at him over his shoulder. The blond dwarf clenched his jaw, before he inclined his head in agreement and reached for the hilt of the knife. He glanced down at the druid once more, before he ripped the blade out of her shoulder in one swift move. Her unconscious form did not move or make a sound, which only worried Fili more. He handed over the knife to Dwalin, who sheathed it on his belt, and then the king carefully lifted Arinna into his arms. Still, she did not wake.
"Let's go," Fili merely said, once he had her in a steady hold, swiftly moving past Dwalin, who just nodded. The burly dwarf trailed behind him, keeping an eye out for danger. They did not know who had attacked the druid or whether the attackers were still around somewhere. They reached the edge of the forest soon enough, Dwalin giving Lothar some short orders while Fili didn't even pay the young dwarf any heed. He made his way over to Lithen quickly, the pony neighing fearfully several times as the dwarf approached with the unconscious druid in his arms.
Dwalin helped position Arinna on the pony's back while Fili mounted it and they made for the mountain as quickly as they could. Fili's face was dark and his gaze directed straight ahead as he rode as fast as he dared, feeling the druid's body lean heavily against his. Her back was leaning heavily against his chest, her head lulling on his shoulder, as he kept one arm tightly wrapped around her unconscious form to keep her from falling. It was strange to hold her this close after all these years, feeling her shallow breath fan hot against his neck. It brought a sudden memory back to him and in a flash, he was transported back to the time he had carried her into Rivendell, unconscious and bleeding.
It was Arinna's voice that pulled him out of his thoughts, and he blinked and turned his head sharply as she mumbled quiet words against his neck.
"What… where…", she breathed, her emerald eyes fluttering open and closed, her gaze unfocused.
"It's alright," Fili said quickly, trying to sound comforting as Lithen carried them across the plain. He tightened his hold around her slightly. "You were hurt, but we'll get you to Oin. You will be fine."
"F… Fili," was all he heard in return, and he glanced at her just as her eyes fell closed again and her head fell back against his shoulder.
"Stay awake," Fili uttered urgently, riding as fast as he could. "Stay with me, Arinna."
He felt his stomach tighten painfully when she merely gave a quiet groan in return. Whatever happened, he thought, he couldn't lose her like this.
In all the years that they had been apart, Fili had at least always known that she was somewhere out there, alive and well, or at least he had hoped as much. Of course, he couldn't have known for certain, but he had felt it, somewhere deep inside of his heart. But now, as he felt her body lean against his, he realised that he could not bear the thought of losing her again. Not to this injury. Not at all. He wanted her in his life, no matter in what way. He had missed her too much to ever let her go again.
It seemed like an age before they finally reached Erebor, and Lothar ran ahead as soon as they had dismounted the ponies, going to alert Oin while Fili and Dwalin followed after him, the king still carrying the druid in his arms. Her breathing had slowed considerably.
They had barely reached the healing chambers, when Oin came running toward them, Lothar on his heels.
"Lay her down, lad. Over here," the old healer said urgently, pointing Fili to a bed in the corner. The blond dwarf did as he was told, hesitantly pulling his hands away from her form as Oin quickly began to work, positioning the druid on her belly, so that he had proper access to the wound on her back. Fili stood back slightly, his gaze never leaving the physician's hands, as he worked on the injury. He watched as Oin cut open the back of Arinna's blood-stained tunic, revealing the whole extent of her wound, before he carefully began to still the flowing blood. He swiftly placed a bunch of cloth on the newly bleeding spot.
Oin worked quickly and with expert eyes and hands, and it wasn't long before he was stitching up the cleansed and treated wound. He finally wrapped a clean white bandage around the druid's form, before he sat back. Fili and Dwalin had stayed in the room and were now approaching the healer slowly, as Oin looked up at them with a sigh.
"It's lucky you found her in time," the healer said with a deep frown, shaking his head slightly. "She was bleeding a lot, but she'll make it."
Fili inclined his head, his heart feeling heavy in his chest as he stared down at the druid, who was now lying still on her back.
"What happened?" Oin asked finally, looking between the three dwarves before him. It was Dwalin who answered him, his deep voice laced with tired concern.
"We do not know," he said in a low rumble. "Bofur came to alert us in council. Apparently, she rode out this morning and never came back. She must have been attacked on the way there, or back. Wherever it is she was going."
Fili said nothing as the old healer just nodded, gazing down at the still unconscious druid with a sigh. He gave a slight shrug. "Well, she will be alright now," he muttered, as he slowly rose from his seat. "She just needs a lot of rest. And once she wakes, she can tell us what happened exactly."
"When will that be?" Fili asked quietly, only now raising his gaze to look back at Oin. The healer slightly drew his mouth askew in reply.
"A few hours at least," he answered then. "Best to leave her for the night. She'll have come around by morning. Come on, lads."
As Oin motioned for them to follow him out of the chambers, Fili's feet remained planted in the same spot. He couldn't bring himself to move. The others sent him a surprised look, glancing back over their shoulders as he shook his head slightly. He silently pulled up a nearby chair, before he sat down beside the druid's bed. Dwalin and Oin merely exchanged a small look, before Oin inclined his head at the young king.
"If she wakes before I get back," he said, motioning with his hand toward a small vial filled with clear liquid that he had placed on a nearby table earlier. "Give her that for the pain."
Fili just nodded and watched as they left the room, letting out a deep sigh when the door fell shut behind them. He was left in the silence of the chamber, his gaze slowly drifting back to Arinna. Her breathing had steadied and evened out again after Oin had finished his treatment, and though she was still pale, she now looked as though she was merely sleeping. It made Fili suddenly remember waking up beside her and seeing her face look as peaceful as it did now. Though of course, the circumstances hardly compared.
He had almost lost her today, he thought silently to himself as he stared at her. And though he had lost her before, he knew that he could not do it again. He could not go through that same pain again. He loved her; Fili knew as much. He always had, and he always would. He wished for nothing more than to turn back time, to undo the things he'd done.
It could not be undone, he knew. He had been cowardly and cruel, and after the things he had said to her, even though he had never truly meant them, how could he have ever asked her to stay? How could he ever ask for her forgiveness? He had pushed her so far away, there had been no choice for her. Mahal, he knew, even now, he was still pushing her away. The fight they'd had only a few days ago was imminent proof of that. Fili didn't know why he had talked to her that way.
He didn't dare hope that she had come back for him, could not imagine her ever being able to forgive the awful things he'd said to her all those years ago. And so, he thought, perhaps it was just easier to keep her at a distance, to push her away, when she threatened to break down his walls. But despite that, against hope, his heart still longed for her, wishing she would never leave him again.
Fili wasn't sure how long he'd been sat beside the druid's bed, when the door to the healing chambers opened slowly, and he looked up to find none other than his mother making her way inside. His eyebrows rose in slight surprise as he watched her close the doors quietly behind her. Dis gave her son a small smile as she made her way over to him, before her eyes fell on Arinna's form.
"I heard what happened," she said quietly, watching as Fili let out a small sigh. Her eyes roamed over his tired form, her gaze lingering for a moment on the large stain of blood on his tunic. Fili looked down himself, following her gaze, his hand absentmindedly brushing against the stain that the druid's back had left on him on the ride here. He hadn't noticed it before now.
"How long have you been sitting here?" His mother asked softly.
Fili gave a small shrug. "Not long."
"It is nearly dawn," Dis uttered, smiling kindly at her son as he opened his mouth and closed it, a small frown coming to play on his forehead.
"Oh," he uttered quietly, looking over at the druid before he glanced back at his mother. "A while, then."
Dis just nodded silently, glancing between her son and the unconscious druid, before she moved to pull up another chair. Fili shot her a sideways glance as she took a seat next to him, crossing her legs over each other as she sent him a gentle look.
"Dwalin says you went out looking for her," she muttered, and Fili just gave a small hum in return, confirming the captain's words. Dis let out a small sigh, observing her son as he kept his gaze on the druid. He looked exhausted, and the dwarrowdam doubted that he had slept a wink. Her eyes shortly fell on his hands, which he kept knotted together in his lap, his fingers lightly stained with blood that he didn't seem to notice. "We don't know what happened?"
Fili let out a small sigh, tilting his head slightly. He let his eyes roam over the druid's calm features as he spoke. "Bofur said she rode out this morning," he answered his mother quietly. "She must have gone to the old druid village near Dale, I'm certain of it. She always meant to, even when she first came with us on the quest, but in the end… We saw the remnants of it when we crossed through Dale on our way to join Thorin in the mountain. She came to Erebor with me, instead."
Dis noticed how he had said 'me' rather than 'us', though she decided not to comment on it for now. She hadn't expected Fili to part with so much information at all, considering how he had avoided talking about the druid as much as he could until now. She nodded her head in understanding as he glanced over at her, clearing his throat quietly.
"To attack an unarmed woman," Dis muttered with a shake of her head. "Who would do such a thing?"
"The world is a dangerous place, amad," Fili answered in a low rumble, clenching his jaw slightly. "And believe me, once I know who is responsible for this, they will be found and punished. I wish she had not put her guard down like this."
"Surely, you cannot blame her in all of this," his mother retorted incredulously, shooting the blond dwarf a disapproving look as he gave a small shrug. She hesitated, as she saw the conflicted look on his face, seeing the raw emotion that was playing behind his pale blue eyes. Dis sat back slightly, observing her son closely as realisation suddenly dawned on her.
Fili looked over at her, feeling the weight of her gaze on him. He raised his eyebrows slightly at his mother's intense stare. "What?"
"Who is Arinna to you, Fili?"
The question took him by surprise and for a moment, Fili didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth, though no words escaped him, while his mother just kept staring at him expectantly, a strange look playing in her eyes. Fili averted his gaze, suddenly feeling rather exposed. He had never told his mother about the role the druid had played in his life, and he certainly didn't intend to do so now. Though it seemed as though he didn't have to, for his mother let out a deep sigh, and as he glanced back at her, a knowing look was playing on her face. She looked at him out of sorrowful eyes.
"You love her."
The three words hung heavily in the air around them, cutting straight into Fili's heart as he dropped his gaze to the ground.
"I…" he started, though he couldn't finish what he had wanted to say. He wanted to deny it, but the words would not come. It was as though his tongue simply refused to form the lie that he knew he would be telling. He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees, suddenly finding it hard to breathe properly.
"Fili," his mother uttered softly, one of her hands coming to rest gently against his back as he breathed in and out heavily. He felt her fingers brush up and down his back comfortingly. "Talk to me, my darling."
The blond dwarf rubbed his hands over his eyes forcefully, shaking his head. "I cannot," he breathed, trying to pull himself together. But as he sat back up, his mother's hand still trailing over his shoulder, and he met Dis' empathetic gaze, he felt his resolve crumble. He glanced over at the still unconscious druid, feeling something tug at his heart, before he averted his gaze.
"She was…" he started, his voice barely above a whisper, as he struggled to form the words. His mother merely listened attentively. "I have loved her… probably ever since I first laid eyes on her. Kili used to say that I was smitten with her from the moment she stepped foot in Bilbo's dining room."
Dis watched as a small smile came to play on her son's lips as he remembered his little brother's words. Fili shook his head slightly, his eyes shortly wandering across the room, before he let out a deep breath. His voice was a low rumble as he continued.
"I put my braid in her hair," he told her thickly, obviously affected by the memory. "We… we were courting by the time we reached Erebor."
Fili fell silent and Dis merely stared at him, digesting his words. She had guessed some time ago that there was more to Fili and Arinna's story, though she hadn't expected this. This could only mean that the druid was Fili's One. That he had found the love of his life during his uncle's quest, and yet somehow, they had ended up apart. Dis struggled to believe it, remembering her late husband. He had been her One, as well, and Dis could never have imagined parting from him once she had found him, only death being able to take him from her.
"What happened?" she asked softly, unsure whether it was a good idea to prompt Fili further. He seemed shaken up by the flow of memories that seemed to invade his mind and Dis did not intend to cause him any pain by remembering things that he had tried to seal away for years.
"She left," was all he said at first, his hand coming up to brush against his chest, shortly halting over something beneath his tunic. His eyes had grown distant and glassy with pain, and he took a shaky breath, before he spoke his next words so quietly that Dis had to strain to hear him correctly. "I said the most horrible things to her, amad. Unforgivable things… I pushed her so far away from me that there was nothing left to bridge the gap. I broke her heart. And mine."
Dis didn't dare ask him what it was he had said. The immensity of his pain and guilt was clear to see in his eyes and his face, and Dis did not want to cause him any more of it. She had heard enough, she thought, her hand squeezing her son's shoulder in a comforting gesture. He didn't say anything else and just dropped his head into his hands, breathing shakily as he tried to shake the memory that invaded his mind.
"It should have been you," his own voice echoed in his head, his mind conjuring up the image of her horrified face before his inner eye as he looked at her unconscious form next to him, unable to hold in the tears that wanted to escape him.