Disclaimer: do I need to do this for every chapter? All I own is the story. Not the characters or the show.

A/N: I'll make it into 3 chapters, probably. Leave a review if you like. Critics appreciated. Enjoy.

"Hi sweetie!" She cringed at her own high pitched hoarse voice, realizing it was the first time she spoke today. She attempted to clear her throat to regain her normal voice.

"Good lord. Are you ill?" He quickly took a step back and covered his nose with his shirt, eyeing her with distaste as if she had sinned.

"No." She said annoyed, dumping her laundry in the machine at once.

"Oh." He relaxed. "So you've been drinking alcohol?" His tone became uncharacteristically quiet.

"Yup." She wondered if she said something wrong.

"Was I a factor in that attempt for inebriation?" If he was any more quiet, she would have missed it, but she got it clearly. She looked at him in surprise as he stubbornly kept his focus on his laundry. She felt her heart flutter.

"No sweetie." She reassured gently. "It wasn't about you."

He tensed his shoulders before letting them go, turning to her. His expression was cloudy. But he was anything but okay. He seemed distraught.

"You're lying."

She blinked at him and crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes to cover her shock. "You're very quick to assume everything's about you."

He sternly looked at her and she felt her knees weaken. Maybe he could somehow read it all from her eyes.

"I don't assume, Penny. I'm a physicist. I observe. I collect data. I experiment. I reach a conclusion. But I never assume anything without proof."

Despite her uncertainty at the whole situation, she gave him a challenging eyebrow. He accepted it as his stare sharpened and somehow, his eyes became more blue.

Before he started talking again, she tried her own experiment. She slowly ran her tongue over her lower lip. She was surprised that his attention was not only drawn to it, but his stare seemed to shamelessly linger there through the whole process. Then, he looked at her again, challenging her instead with his stare.

"As I was going to say before you interrupted me, apparently you don't have to talk to be a distraction.." He mumbled and looked away, trailing off as if he forgot about her presence. He only partially successed on preventing a blush from forming on his cheeks. Her victorious grin brought him back. Licking his own lips unconsciously, he straightened himself, regaining his composure.

"All of my friends, family and colleagues know that I cannot lie to save my own life if needed, as Leonard once so kindly put it." Penny snickered. "Because my nervous tics give me away. But what people don't realize and I have most recently discovered is that," He leaned down and towards her with his hands clasped behind his back "most people show nervous signs when lying. Some are less noticeable than others. And you, Penny, have got it bad." She had to slap himself for getting the double meaning of his sentence. He just looked at her strangely.

"I have a tic?" She said, surprised.

He nodded, backing up with caution from her weird moment with herself. "You have a mild case of excessive blinking and rapid eye-movements when you lie." Her eyes went wide. "Of course, the severity of these symptoms depends on how much the guilt and anxiety that follows the lie effects you and I did not pay attention at first, as it caused an insignificant change in your attitude. But then you left in the middle of your shift at the Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday, and abandoned my Tuesday barbeque cheeseburger, giving us the excuse of feeling sick. You were blinking too many times a second and your eyes darted everywhere. And I saw that neanderthal, Kurt. He was harassing you physically and when he was rejected by you, he called you a- well, you are aware of what he called you." She gaped at him. He pointed at his ear, reminding her of his Vulcan hearing. "So, not to get off topic more than I already have."

She suddenly noticed she was trapped between his hands, which were placed at the top of the washing machine behind her. He didn't seem to notice. He towered above her and she looked up. "Wow, you're tall." She felt heat grow in her groin at being surrounded by him and she bit her lip.

"Um, yes." He said in confusion. His cluelessness to the control he had over her made her giggle.

"You know those roles in sex?" Her bluntness made him blink at her in surprise. "Dominant or submissive?"

He looked uncomfortable and confused. "Um, yes?"

"Well, you're acting like a dominant." He furrowed his brows and finally noticing what she was hinting at, jumped backed, horror visible in his face.

"Oh good lord. I apologize if I have made you uncomfortable." He seemed to want to reach out and pat her back in tradition (there, there). But his hands just stood in the air and he looked horrified, like he had raped someone whilst drunk.

It absolutely cracked Penny up. Sheldon crossed his arms and frowned deeply, realizing she was mocking her.

"Yes, go ahead and laugh at my innocence. Forgive me for being a gentleman." He said, sarcasm in his voice. She clutched her stomach and laughed harder, unable to stop herself for some reason.

"You know I like you Penny." She stopped dead on her tracks, her smile disappearing to be replaced with shock. "Is this some sort of punishment for something I've done?" His voice was weak and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. "Or is it a high school scenario all over again? Popular girl humiliates nerd?" His face went blank, but not Sheldon blank. Hollow blank.

"No, sweetie, I didn't mean to hurt you." She hurried the words out, once she found her voice. She reached out to touch his forearm and he flinched, but didn't pull away. "You should know by now that this is my way of showing affection. Just like your way of complimenting is to squeeze in a few insults in there too." She grinned a little, hoping to cheer him up. He looked away from her, biting his lips. A moment of silence passed and she started rubbing on his arm mindlessly.

"Stop it." He harshly bit out, without looking at her.

She automatically let go. "Sorry." A few more minutes.

"How do you want me?" She said as casually as possible.

His head sharply turned at her and his eyes were wide. "Pardon me?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "If you don't like me touching you, how are you sexually attracted to me?" She heard an almost inaudible 'Good lord' before an actual response. She tried to contain her amusement. She didn't want to hurt him, but messing with Sheldon was too much fun.

"I want.. I, um..." He was at a loss for words. He shifted uncomfortably, his eyes avoiding hers. She could see a blush creeping up his neck.

"Oh my god. You're so cute!" She blurted out and slapped a hand on her mouth. She did not just say that. His wide eyes settled on hers and his mouth was slightly agape.

"Pardon me?"

She smiled. "Answer my question, Moonpie."

"Don't call me Moonpie. And I do not mind you touching me. I just don't like teasing." He mumbled.

Her eyes sparkled. "Ooh. You want the whole package, huh?"

His glare showed a big 'No'.

"Oh. You.. don't think I'll use it to embarrass you or something, do you?" She looked at him worriedly.

"No. Not you. But it has stayed with me during all this time." He admitted.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Who hurt my Moonpie? I will go Nebraska on all their asses."

He raised a brow, seemingly back to normal. "First, I have a really long list of those distasteful people. To track them down and go Nebraska on them would be a huge waste of time. You're here now. You don't hurt me. Why should I care about them?" His eyes sparkled and he grinned slightly.

"Aww, that's sweet. What's the Second?" She gave a knowing smirk

"My Meemaw... wouldn't mind an exception." He was still smiling, but his gaze dropped on the floor and Penny just couldn't help it. She planted a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. He blinked and reddened. She repeated the action until he pushed her away, fighting a smile. "What are you doing? Do you know how many germs you're-"

"If you keep worrying about germs, you ain't never gonna get some." She scolded.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times. "There are so many things wrong with that sentence." He shook his head and sighed. "Penny, you're taking advantage of this situation." He scolded. "You keep distracting me from making my original point. I was saying," He stressed the last word. "that Tuesday I discovered your nervous tics. And now that I know they're there, I can detect the smallest changes." He warned. "How have I compelled you to drink yourself to oblivion?"

She felt a tad exposed with his newfound discovery. "Um," She thought about lying to him, but remembered what he just said. He noticed and gave a smug smirk.

"It doesn't feel so good when the tables have turned now, does it?"

She slapped him.

"Ow! Why would you do that?" He looked at her incredulously, a hand on his cheek .

"I usually act on impulse. You were making me uncomfortable." She grinned.

"If everyone was to act impulsive like you do, you wouldn't exactly be fully clothed by now." He growled.

They both looked at each other in shock, not believing what just came out of his mouth.

"I apologize profusely." His voice was quiet and filled with shame. His body had tensed and he took an involuntary step back. "That was terribly inappropriate."

All she could do was to just stare at him, beginning to see his other very interesting side.

He took her silence in another way. "I must be going now." He turned to collect his laundry.

"You still have two piles left to wash." She offered, hoping he'd get that she wasn't repulsed by his comment.

His stiff back relaxed a tiny bit. "...Yes."

"Sweetie, finish making that point you were trying to." He turned and his eyes lit up. "I promise I won't interrupt, but I have something to say afterwards." She accompanied it with a smile to soften.

He nodded in understanding. "My point was that you cannot lie to me. I wanted to know if I somehow upset you during that ridiculous game."

"I wondered why you never asked me out. I just thought that since you always say relationships are a distraction from work, maybe that's all I am to you. A distraction, or a threat to your success." She gave up on trying to twist the truth. She felt even more vulnerable. She wondered if this was how he always felt.

He displayed a look of surprise. "You are not a threat. You are a decent human being and one of my best friends!" Her heart warmed up at his sort-of a compliment. "And you are so emotionally skilled, that when I find myself in some situations that require an emotional response, sometimes I just ask myself what would Penny do? Of course, the answer to that question is not always the appropriate one, but you understand my point." She nodded, smiling. "I just did not know how to approach. And since you didn't believe my sincerity when I 'asked you out', I figured I should just leave it at that." She gasped at the memory. He paused. "Do you care how I see you? Did it bother you that much to resort to alcohol?" He was bemused.

She wasn't sure if she should return his feelings. Their relationship would be chaos. And as much as she wanted that to happen, she couldn't risk breaking him at some point.

"Yes. You are very important to me, sweetie." She simply said, smiling. "My turn." He suddenly looked terrified. "Sweetie, I'm not going to yell at you. Calm down. It's okay. I don't mind. You just caught me off-guard."

He looked relieved, but narrowed his eyes. "You didn't mind? Penny, I made you sound like- like some sort of property! A doll to be played around with! You're more than your body. You are amazing." He seemed a bit taken back with the last part. Like he didn't want to say it out loud.

"It's really considerate of you, Sheldon. But this is what teasing and flirting is for! I already know you don't like me just because of my body. So I know that these type of comments are not to be taken seriously. They're just a way of softening up and expressing your sexual-" She noticed him cringe. "coital frustrations." He didn't seem convinced.

"Fine. Take Howard as an example. As disgusting as his remarks are, he's just joking around. Expressing himself in a way that's not too direct. And I can subtly reject him every time and it doesn't hurt as much. Have you ever seen Howard cranky when he doesn't get laid?" He silently shook his head no. "That's because he doesn't let the tension build up." She was relieved when his face lit up in understanding, because she wasn't sure how much more she could continue talking on this subject.

"In conclusion, you don't have to be tense around me. It's a natural part of life. Jack off, flirt, tease. As long as you don't get out of line. Sexual tension without a little joking around can be serious and scary. This is something that'll continue to bother you until you accept it and move on." She shrugged and was proud of her thorough explanation that convinced even Doctor Cooper.

"Jack off?" He seemed genuinely confused and she could barely keep a straight face.

"Masturbate."

His eyes widened and his face colored a deep shade of red. "I-I think that part is taken care of."

She gave a surprised smile and decided to give him a chance to try her suggested techniques. "Oh? Who does the great Dr. Sheldon Cooper think of in the bedroom?"

His eyes twinkled mischievously and he gave her a perfect smirk that took her breath away. "In the shower. And can you really not guess?"

She gave a shocked laugh. "That's what I'm talking about. Now doesn't this feel better?"

His smirk turned into a genuine smile. "I most certainly feel better. I feel like gravity just lost its effect at your laugh."

She blushed. "Whoa. Easy tiger. Save some for the rest of 'em. "

"You are the only person I trust and want to trust with this experience, my queen." He shook his head as he brought her hand up gently and placed a soft kiss on top of it. She felt lightheaded with her hand tingling at the contact. He excused himself to do the rest of the laundry and she grabbed on a table when he faced away. Gulping, she realized something.

'This is going to be the death of me.' She thought with dread.