There's Nothing Stopping Me
Sirius gets a trial. As it should have been.
Sirius is shaking as he sits in front of the Wizengamot. He spent almost three months in Azkaban as the lawyers fought his case and fought for a trial. It feels longer, though he's kept track of the months by the moon. Three full moons, three months where Remus has been completely alone.
His eyes dart madly around, desperately searching for something normal. Life hasn't been normal for a long time, and being dragged from a cell and to the Ministry is certainly not so. He's faced with witches and wizards that look at him as though he's guilty of everything they say. Peers of his late-fathers, who look at him like he's nothing, but Sirius supposes that he is.
His fingers clench into his palm and he feels the sting as his nails cut into his skin. The sting is good. It makes him feel alive, because Azkaban leaves him feeling like he's slowly dying. He can understand the stories more now. That people go mad there. He's sure he's already feeling that madness. Or maybe it's something that has always been there. He's not really able to focus on much from before Azkaban. He still feels cold, like someone dragged the warmth and happiness from his body.
Just the bad things. There were good things, right? What were they again?
"Sirius Orion Black, you've been summoned here today to be held accountable for the deaths of Peter Pettigrew, and—"
Sirius doesn't hear the list of names that follows. Anger wells up inside of him and his fingers dig in deeper. He has to bite his tongue so he doesn't comment. He wants to scream and shout and rage, but that's not going to look good. He reminds himself that he needs to stay calm.
It's his trial.
"How do you plead?"
"Not guilty." Sirius can't form the words, they're said by the lawyer. Mr. Travis. It's been a long time since he's used his voice. A month where he's screamed for help and screamed for his innocence. A month where he begged for someone to listen, until words wouldn't form anymore. But now… there are no words. He's had to relive arriving at the house too late, so many times. He's had to hear every bad word between him and Remus. He still feels sick as he remembers words that came from his own mouth.
He's had to hear the conversation to make Peter the secret keeper. Words. Words got him here. He talked too much, he knows that. Silence is better. He can't fail if he's silent. He's not sure he can talk even if he wanted to. There is nothing left to say.
"Proceed," someone says. Sirius lowers his gaze. He's tired. He hurts. Everything hurts. He'll never be happy again.
"The charges brought up against Sirius Black are false. Based on the memories viewed by myself, I can determine the events that actually took place and also events leading up to it."
"We'd like to hear from the defendant," a witch says.
"My defendant is unable to talk," Mr. Travis says. "He was seen by a mediwitch during my visit with him and the trauma has caused emotional damage. It's something unseen before, but St. Mungo's has classed it as a mix of both his emotional state and his magic combining and causing this. It's something they can't repair and something they hope will fade over time. We do, however, have the memories. St. Mungos has an expert who can confirm nothing has been modified, and we have statements from the guards who supervised all visits between me and my client, who can confirm that I only viewed the memories, nothing else. Furthermore, I can submit my wand which has been checked for current spell use."
The witch nods her head. "Do you, Sirius Black, give this man approval to speak on your behalf?"
Sirius glances up. She's familiar. Part of the Order? Is there an Order now? Are any of them here, watching what is happening or are they all dead too? Is Remus dead? Is Harry safe? No-one will tell him anything. But… it's not like he's asking questions.
He shivers again. He can sense that the dementors are close. He wraps his arms around himself. What he wouldn't give for a blanket, though he knows that the coldness is inside of him because of the creatures. He could be next to a roaring fire, and with a Hope-level-blanket and still feel like ice.
"The memories will be provided for viewing to the members of the Wizengamot as evidence of Mr. Black's innocence. Let me start with our opening statement." There's a long pause, and Sirius lifts his gaze to the Lawyer. "Sirius Black was not the secret keeper to Mr and Mrs Potter. That duty was actually bestowed upon Mr. Peter Pettigrew."
"No!"
Sirius' eyes dart towards the people watching. Pearl Pettigrew is standing up, clutching a lilac bag tightly in her hands. "No," she says again. "That makes no… that's wrong. My son…" She shakes her head desperately, looking towards the Wizengamot pleadingly.
Sirius wraps his arms a little tighter around himself. He's sure the negative emotions in here are making him feel colder. His clothes are so thin. It's so loud in here. There's so much talking and he can't process all of this.
He doesn't want Pearl to be upset. Pearl has always been nice to him when he's spent time at her house, but there's not much he can do. He can see the pain on her face. This woman believes her son is dead. She's another of Peter's victims, the woman mourning Peter who is still alive, out there somewhere.
She's here for some sort of closure, and she's not going to get that. Sirius feels sorry for her, because she's lost someone too.
"He should be tested under Veritaserum," Pearl instists. "You can't trust him. What if he's… modified his memories?"
"In what manner do you think my son has been able to do that?" Comes a voice that has forever filled Sirius with terror. "He was arrested moments after the incident that the Ministry is attempting to charge him with. Tell me, Mrs Pettigrew, at what point he's had the chance to modify his memories?"
"Right after the… the death of my son," Pearl states, tears on her face.
Sirius' gaze is on his mother. Walburga Black sits there, wearing her best clothes, her most expensive jewels and looking the very picture of the most important pureblooded woman in all of Great Britain. Which she is.
Sirius stares. His mind reeling at the idea that his mother is there to support him, but he realises quickly why. His brother went missing and is most likely dead. Someone else he's been mourning. There's no heir, except his cousins, and his Uncle. His mother would be more willing to take him back than hand the family over to Cygnus.
That, at least, feels familiar. His mother's search for power. That grounds him a little and he remembers who he is. Sirius Black. Pureblood. He doesn't want his mother on his side, but he doesn't want to be imprisoned even more.
"Do sit down and be quiet," his mother hisses, turning her sharp grey eyes towards Pearl. "Compose yourself." There's a huff of amused breath at the end, as though she's amused at Pearl's distress, and in the shock at Walburga's words, Pearl does as she's told.
It wasn't loud, but the hiss echoes around the chamber.
He flinches at the sound and shakes his head.
"There's a statement in which Peter Pettigrew states that Sirius Black betrayed James and Lily Potter, having been their secret keeper. Sirius' memories show that Sirius and James discussed the secret keeper. Also, the meeting with Peter Pettigrew in regards to their plan. Sirius was set to be a decoy whilst Mr. Pettigrew kept the secret. These memories have all been confirmed as untampered with by specialists at St. Mungos." The lawyer looks just as annoyed at Walburga at the interruption.
"If the specialists at the hospital have confirmed the memories intact, they'll stand as evidence," Dumbledore states. Sirius doesn't look at the man. He keeps his gaze down. He just wants this done with. He's exhausted. He's sure he'll just be carted back to the cell and he deserves that. He was the one who came up with the idea of Peter. He thought he was being clever.
If he had just shut up and been the secret keeper himself, this wouldn't have happened.
"My son has been locked up for over three months. I think we should get a move on. I have places to be, and my son has been imprisoned for long enough," Walburga snaps waspishly. "My son - the Black heir - is innocent of all charges."
"I agree. If we have the evidence that proves Mr. Black innocent, we've already wasted three months of his life." Albus Dumbledore stands from his seat. "Ready the pensieve."
Sirius doesn't move in the slightest as he sits in the chair. There are bars around it. Wards holding him in, as though he's about to rush out and kill someone. It's amusing really. These people think he's dangerous.
Perhaps he is. Perhaps it's because he's always been mad, and reckless, and fought in a war. He's watched people die and if he had the choice, he'd rip Peter apart with his bare hands. It's always been an expression, but Sirius wants to see if the expression rings true.
Finally the Wizengamot returns to their seats and a healer approaches. The memories are placed back in his head, even though he doesn't want them. They can take it away and destroy it for all he cares, because he doesn't want to hear those words coming from his mouth again. 'Peter should be the secret keeper.'
He's heard them too many times, echoing around his head. He hates his voice. He hates hearing it.
"We've reviewed the evidence and find Sirius Black innocent of all crimes," Dumbledore announces. As he says those words, the wards around Sirius' chair fall, the bars fade and he stares at them in bewilderment. He's actually free? He can leave.
He slowly stands. His legs are shaking, and he looks around, unfocused. He still feels cold, sick. He's exhausted.
"Come. We'll get you home and Kreacher will clean you up." Walburga casts a disproving glance at his clothes. "We have a lot of work to do to make you presentable again."
He shakes his head and takes a shaky step away from her. He can't go from one prison to another. He looks to the lawyer. He only wrote one word for the man.
"We'll also like to address that whilst in Azkaban, Sirius was unable to be granted custody of his Godson," Mr. Travis states. "As per James Potter's will, Sirius Black is to raise Harry in the event of the death of him and Lily Potter."
"Ah. Well, you see, Harry has been placed in the care of a relative in the Muggle world," Dumbledore says placidly. "It's in Harry's best interests that he stay there."
"Who gave the authority to place him there?" Mr. Travis asks. "The will is a legal document. I'm sure, Mr. Dumbledore, that you're not going to hide the boy away and refuse to give him to his rightful, legal guardian. That would be… kidnapping at the very least."
"I'm merely taking into consideration Harry," Dumbledore explains. "I would imagine that Sirius' childhood home is not the most suitable—"
"They'll live with me," comes a voice that Sirius never thought he'd hear again. Okay, well, maybe not again - the dementors made sure he heard that voice over and over. His hurtful, horrible words causing Remus so much pain.
He slowly turns around, and he's not prepared for the sight of his friend. Remus looks as beautiful as ever, in a pale green cardigan. His hair is longer than Sirius remembers, and he's got a bit of stubble on his face. There are bags under his eyes, dark against his pale skin, and he looks like he hasn't slept in a long time. He's thin, he looks worse than he does after a full moon.
There are vicious scars running down his skin as though something has clawed at him, and Sirius starts forward. He reaches Remus, his eyes darting over every inch of Remus' face. He's beautiful. He always has been.
He reaches up, his fingers brushing next to one of the scars in silent question, and Remus flinches slightly.
Sirius goes to pull his hand away, but Remus shakes his head. He puts his hand on Sirius' and presses it against his face. Sirius is amazed. Remus came for him. Remus is here.
"I had a bad month, but nothing I can't handle," Remus says. "You're innocent. I meant what I said. We'll find space for you."
Hope approaches, Lyall behind her. "We have the old cottage," she says, reaching for Sirius and wrapping her arms around him. "We'll get to work on fixing it up. A nice, quiet place for you boys and Harry. My dear, it's good to see you. I'm happy."
"Sirius." Walburga's voice shakes, and that's why Sirius turns back to his mother. "Is this your choice?"
Sirius tries to see past the cold facade. They've lost Regulus and his father already. His mother is alone in that house, and he realises that she's scared. Scared of being alone. This is her, reaching out to the only person she feels she has left.
He moves towards her. She doesn't look as scary as she once did, and maybe that's one of the reasons why he's brave enough to wrap his arms around her.
She's frozen for a moment, but then she melts into the hug.
"You're going with them? Will you… will you at least visit?" she whispers, clearly ashamed of showing weakness in front of others.
Sirius nods his head. Despite the past, this is his mum and he can't lose anyone else. He gives her one last squeeze and she sighs before he lets go.
"You know where to find me." She abruptly turns and leaves, and Sirius knows that despite their past, he will go back to Grimmauld Place to visit. They both have losses, and she needs him. He's not going to be the son she wants, because Regulus is gone.
But she's not going to be the mum he wants, because Dorea is also gone.
He turns to Remus once more and Remus smiles softly. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. They'll give you the stuff they took when you were arrested. The rest is in storage. Dad said he'll sort all of that out. Your flat… you don't have the flat anymore."
Sirius doesn't care about all of that. He cares about Harry. He cares about the man in front of him.
"So… fresh start. What do you want to do now?"
Sirius moves into Remus' space again. He doesn't have the words still. He doesn't want to utter the right words with his own voice, because he hates his voice. His spoken words cause pain and hurt.
So he lets his actions speak for him and he presses his forehead against Remus'.
He's not sure who initiates the kiss. It's soft, gentle, full of emotion. But a cough from behind them parts them.
"Is this… a new thing?" Remus asks, his voice little more than a whisper. The expression on his face tells Sirius that he's scared that this is a spur of the moment situation that Sirius may regret one day.
Sirius shakes his head. It's certainly not that. He tucks a strand of hair behind Remus' ear.
"Since… before?"
Sirius grins. A slight nod of his head. He leans in, his lips planting a quick, soft kiss to Remus' lips before he reaches for Remus' hand.
"Me too," Remus whispers. "We'll… need to figure this out properly soon, but… let's go home. Dad is happy to stay behind and sort out things like paperwork, but we can stay at my place until the cottage is sorted."
Sirius nods. He's just trying to process this. He moves closer to Remus and he wraps his arms around him, holding tight. He's never needed anyone more in his life than he does now.
Remus' arms wrap tightly around him. It's like Remus knows what's going through his mind, which doesn't surprise him. The only thing they never realised, it appears, were their feelings for each other.
He's sure he's crying, though he forces himself to not make a noise. Remus knows though, because Remus holds him tightly. He feels warmer. Only slightly, but it makes all the difference. He feels safe, too. Loved.
"I'll take you to see them," he whispers, and Sirius knows he's talking about James and Lily. About their graves. "I… I picked the headstones myself. I…" he lets out a shaky breath. "I'll tell you about it… soon. I can't…"
Sirius nods. He continues to hold Remus until Remus' dad gives another polite-cough.
Harry seems smaller than Sirius remembers. Small and fragile, and he notices the scar on Harry's head. He remembers seeing that when he arrived at the Potter house, months ago.
"He'll be better off at Lily's sister's house," Dumbledore says, but Sirius doesn't reply. This man had them as soldiers in a war. One they were willing to fight, but a warn none-the-less and Dumbledore wasn't even going to push for his trial. It was his mother that contacted the lawyer. It was Remus that provided them with information in the hopes of helping in some way.
Harry is better off with him. If James and Lily wanted Harry raised by Lily's sister, they'd have put that in the will. He owes James too much. James' family took him in when he had nowhere to go. James supported him and cared for him unconditionally, even when Sirius was at his worst. James trusted him, and trusted his opinion when Sirius suggested Peter as the secret keeper.
He's going to protect Harry though. He failed James, but he's not going to fail again. This time he'll trust the right people.
"Sirius," Dumbledore says softly, but Sirius doesn't have any words for him. He takes the small boy and leaves the Ministry. They have a home, and Harry needs a family. He can't have his real parents, but Sirius knows that between him and Remus, he'll have the next best thing.
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