Story Notes!
Hi everyone, and I apologise fir this update being a week late, its been one of those weeks in real life and I haven't had a spare minute to do anything! Anyway, here we are, finally, chapter 5 of Bring me to Life!
Thank you times a million as always to champagneandliterature for the awesomealpha and beta work, and thank you to all the people who have read and left comments or reviews. I really do appreciate it!
See you all next Sunday! Xx
They landed back in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. Draco set their muddled lunches down on the table, turned to the sink, filled the kettle, and used his wand to set it to heat. "I know you've had rather a lot to take in this morning," he said as he picked up his half-eaten sandwich, "so I'll give you the choice. Would you prefer me to leave you alone to think things through for a bit, or would you rather I stayed here with you?"
Hermione considered his words for a moment. "I think I'd like you to stay. That is if you're not going to get into trouble at work by doing so?"
"I'm sure that under the circumstances, Potter can manage without me for a while." She nodded as she chewed thoughtfully. "He told me that you found his diary, by the way."
Hermione looked at him curiously. "Have you read it?" she asked.
"Some of it, yes. Although Harry also said that if we're going to try this proper relationship thing, he wants me to read it all. He thinks it will help me to understand him better." Draco set cups on the side as the kettle whistled and steam started to fill the kitchen, "I just don't know why you thought it was charmed when it wasn't."
"Neither do I," she admitted with a sigh. "I'm starting to worry that I was having a hallucination or something!"
"I doubt that," Draco said softly. "Have you thought that there might have been something else going on? You were in Sirius Black's old room, were you not?" She nodded, her stomach dropping another notch as she considered all that she and Blaise had discussed earlier that morning. Could it really have been Sirius' protective presence blocking her from reading Harry's words? "You know," Draco continued thoughtfully, "I'd have just broken the charm, read the diary, and then replaced the charm? Assuming there was a charm there, of course."
"But that would be wrong! You can't just invade someone's privacy like that!" Hermione looked scandalized as Draco laughed.
"Slytherin, darling, get used to it." He poured water from the kettle onto the tea bags, added milk, and set a cup in front of her as she glared at him reproachfully.
"Gryffindor," she said, scowling fiercely. "And we have a code of honor."
"Oh, believe me, so do we. I pride myself on it, in fact."
The look in his eyes made her falter and stare at him, her cheeks flushing as she finished chewing. "Are we still talking about diaries here?"
"We can talk about anything you like, Hermione," he accentuated her name as he spoke, and she squirmed in her chair, suddenly feeling flustered. "I like the feel of your given name on my tongue." He lifted a brow as he sipped his tea, his eyes never leaving hers as he gauged her reaction.
She swallowed heavily and picked up her cup. "Do you now?"
Her attempt to ignore his obvious flirtation just made him smile. "I bet that's not all that would feel good on my tongue, is it?" He smiled as he deliberately upped the game.
She put her cup down and looked at him again, this time feeling in grave danger of drowning in his stormy eyes. Despite her irritation with his lack of morals, all she could think about was the kiss they had shared the previous weekend. "Are you alright there, or are you still overwhelmed after your interesting morning?"
Slowly she nodded, feeling her cheeks heat again and a shiver run down her spine. "I seem to have temporarily forgotten about my morning right now," she admitted.
"Oh, really?" Draco reached across the table and took her hand in his own, "Want me to see if I can take your mind off of it a little more?"
His proposal was tempting, oh so tempting, and if this had been Harry offering she would have accepted without a second thought. She was still slightly unsure of Draco though, and maybe, she reasoned, as her still anxious brain finally caught up with her hormones, perhaps she should be much more wary of him than she currently was, given their history.
She stared at him, indecision and emotional overwhelm clouding her judgement and causing her brain to blank. She was clearly in no fit state to make this decision right now.
She shook her head defiantly. "Tonight," she stated. "Probably. Once I've cleared my head and thought things through. And also depending on how Harry feels after you and Blaise tell him about the arch. I promise I'll be clearer tonight. I've just had a mad week, and I'm supposed to be going out later and well, I have to go out to give you and Blaise space to tell Harry, and I am sorry about right now, but… wait! Why are you looking at me like that?"
Draco just grinned. "Because you're adorable when you're flustered. Tonight then Hermione. If you want to, that is." He stood up and fixed her with his best and most devastating smile. "I'll be looking forward to it."
She swallowed hard as he stalked around the table to where she stood awkwardly, and reached down to brush his lips over hers. "Want me to take you to Pansy's tonight? I need to pick Blaise up anyway."
She nodded, touched by his thoughtfulness. "Yes, please, I'd like that a lot." His answering smile was slow and easy. "8 pm then, and in the meantime," he kissed her lips gently again, "stop driving yourself crazy. You put far too much pressure on yourself." She nodded as he stepped back, blew her another kiss, and then apparated away.
That afternoon Hermione had taken a long, hot bath and then settled down in bed intending to read but had soon fallen asleep instead. She had slept all afternoon, and Harry had finally woken her up in time for something to eat and to get ready.
Draco had collected her at eight as promised, and it was with some trepidation that she had watched him leave back through the floo to Grimmauld with Blaise following behind. Their promises to stay in the house and to look after Harry were still ringing in her ears as Neville enveloped her in a bear hug. "Blaise said you were feeling a bit off color earlier, how are you now?" He asked as she hugged him tightly in return.
"Much better, thank you," she admitted truthfully.
Neville pulled back and looked at her appraisingly. "Good. I'm off to the pub with Theo, Dean, Seamus, and Ron, so if you need any of us, we'll be in the Wyvern. Have fun, ladies!"
"Mitts off my man Granger," Pansy said with a giggle as she pulled Neville in for a surprisingly passionate goodbye kiss. "Off you go then handsome, shoo, shoo, we have girl stuff to discuss!"
"Heaven forbid!" Theo pretended to faint as Daphne urged him towards the floo as well. "Best of luck to you all!"
"Have fun, boys." Pansy grinned as they both vanished in a flash of green flames. She turned with a smile to Hermione, Daphne, and Tracy Davis, who was also perched on the sofa. "Wine or cocktails then girls?"
Daphne looked at her as if she was mad, "is that even a choice? Cocktails, of course! What have you got?"
Three hours and three different recipes later, Hemione was feeling rather tipsy. Tipsy enough to confess her quandary regarding Draco to the other three. "So let me get this straight," Pansy stared at her in a rather cross-eyed way, "You still don't know whether to shag him or not, and this latest quandary is all because he would have read Harry's diary without permission."
Hermione nodded. "Well, yes. No, it's not just that. It's not just about the sex. It's the whole relationship thing that I'm a bit unsure of with him." She gestured in a rather wild arc with her arm as she spoke and Daphne giggled.
"Who here would have read the diary?" Pansy asked, laughing as she stuck her hand in the air.
"Maybe," Daphne conceded. "But you are sitting in a room full of Slytherins, so it may not be a totally fair judgment call."
"I don't think I would have done," Tracy said thoughtfully. "But not knowing what was in it would have driven me bananas, especially if it was just sitting there, almost asking to be read…. I wouldn't have broken a charm, though, because if it was charmed then the writer wanted it kept private. If it was findable and readable then that's fair game. Isn't it?" She paused to sip her drink and stare thoughtfully at Hermione. "I don't think that a difference of opinion like that would put me off a potential boyfriend, though. We're all different after all," she said finally as Pansy and Daphne burst out laughing.
"I think you just illustrated my point about our house beautifully there, darling," Daphne said.
The sound of the floo cut off Hermione's reply, and Neville, Theo, and Blaise stepped back into the lounge, wincing at the mess the four girls had made over the course of the evening. "It's at times like these that I ask myself what Neville would do." Pansy grinned dreamily at her boyfriend as Hermione widened her eyes at Blaise in alarm.
"Harry's fine. He's with Draco," Blaise whispered. "I left them at Grimmauld when I'd done my bit, and they needed some privacy. I've only been at the pub for an hour or so."
"What would I do about what, darling?" Neville asked, happily accepting Pansy's hug.
"If you found my diary, would you read it behind my back?"
"Absolutely not," Neville said, and Hermione nodded in satisfaction.
"Really?" Pansy laughed. "I'd read yours."
"I know you would," Neville said simply as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her solidly in return.
"Doesn't that bother you, though?" Hermione had had too much to drink to stop herself from asking the rather rude question.
Neville shook his head. "Of course not. We're in a committed relationship, aren't we? I'm fully aware of her personality traits, and I don't feel the need to hide anything from Pansy. We share everything. If I'm unhappy, I tell her rather than writing it down or keeping it to myself. It's that simple."
"To be fair, I agree," Theo said as he sank down beside Daphne. "Relationships are about openness and honesty. Why write something down and hide it away from your partner when you could share it with them?"
Those words were still resonating loudly with Hermione as she got ready to leave. Blaise assured her that Harry and Draco were both fine, if a little drunk, before abandoning her to turn the full extent of his considerable charm onto Tracy.
Pansy rolled her eyes as she saw Hermione towards the floo. "Ten galleons on her spending the night in his bed. Again." Pansy whispered, as Hermione glanced at the sofa.
"I'd say that's a dead cert," she giggled. Barely ten minutes had passed, and Tracy was already sitting half in Blaise's lap.
"Oi! Zabini, remember your modeling for me tomorrow morning!" Pansy called as he waved her worries away and resumed kissing Tracy. "Are you okay getting home, lovely girl?"
"Yes. Thank you for tonight Pansy, it's been so much fun." Hermione hugged her goodbye, threw a handful of glittering grey powder into the flames, and stepped inside. She called out "12 Grimmauld Place", still mulling over Theo's words while feeling sad that Harry hadn't felt able to come to her with his problems directly, and wondering what on earth she was going to find at the other end of the floo.
The answer to that was a rather drunken Harry and Draco. "'Mione!" Harry called as she waited for the kitchen to stop spinning before she moved forwards. "Hi! I missed you tonight. Did you know you're going to try to bring Sirius back?"
Worriedly she nodded. "I do now. I found out this morning."
"That's good." Harry stared at her through slightly unfocused eyes. "I'd like to think he can come back."
Hermione eyed Draco as she nodded in agreement. "Blaise and I have explained everything we know so far and everything we want to try to do. We've said that this is all experimental and theoretical at the moment and that it might not work in practice." He offered her a sip from his glass of firewhisky, but she shook her head. He shrugged and downed the contents himself, then poured another.
"It's alright, 'Mione." Harry crossed the kitchen slightly unsteadily, "I'm fine about it. I was shocked at first but what they said makes perfect sense. I'm just a bit... drunk right now."
She bit back the retort that was on the tip of her tongue. Harry may have promised not to do this again but tonight was hardly the night to voice that sentiment, and in any case, she was hardly sober herself. She hugged Harry hard instead and reached up to push his hair out of his eyes, checking for any clues that he wasn't being entirely truthful. Happily, Harry remained as easy to read as always, and she nodded.
"I need to go to bed," he admitted. Hermione took his hand and gestured for Draco to follow. Harry stumbled and laughed as he righted himself then followed her towards the stairs. Instead of climbing them he stopped and pulled her into his arms, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Draco said you were worried that I'd be cross with you about this."
She nodded. "Are you?" she asked quietly.
"Of course not. I appreciate your worry, but you didn't know about it until this morning did you?" She shook her head, smiling at the effort he was putting into not slurring his words. He kissed her again. "Your eyes are pretty," he said simply and turned, navigating the first three steps very carefully before stopping again. "So are yours." He said to Draco. "Yours are like a wolf, and Hermione's are like a cat." And with that profound statement, he continued up the stairs leaving Draco looking confused behind them. "Can you cast a Patronus?" he asked Draco vaguely. "Because I saw Blaise's this morning, and it was a cat."
"Puma," Draco corrected, avoiding the question.
"Yeah. That." Harry stopped again, and Hermione nudged him forwards. "It was a nice Patronus."
"Yes. It's lovely." Draco closed his eyes. "So, wolves and cats, huh? Do they really go together?"
"Ablso- asbo, yes," Harry said vehemently and stuck his toothbrush in his mouth as Hermione laughed and Draco smiled. "Hermione polyjuiced into a cat once," Harry said through a mouthful of toothpaste.
"Harry, shhh!" Hermione spluttered as Draco looked at her wide-eyed as she tried to pull him out of the bathroom. Clearly, Harry was in the mood for drunken confessions.
"You're not supposed to use polyjuice for animal-"
"I know!" she cut him off rather hysterically. "It was Millicent Bulstrode's cat, and it was an accident. I was meant to polyjuice into her. Oh!" She clapped her hand over her mouth, realizing that she too had drunk too much as well, and therefore should probably stop talking also. Happily, Draco just laughed and let the matter go as Harry turned to the cupboard and held out three vials of a clear potion. Draco raised a brow in question as Harry downed one of them.
"Sober up." He winced as the effects of the potion hit. "Theo's blend, it works a treat for avoiding hangovers."
"What have I told you about taking anything Theo's made?" Draco raised an amused eyebrow, "you're an Auror, for Merlin's sake!" Harry just shrugged and drank a vial of a different potion. "And what the hell's that?"
"Drought of Dreamless sleep." Harry tried to look innocent and failed.
"Also, from Theo?" Harry nodded in reply, crossing to the bed and slipping under the covers.
Draco rolled his eyes but downed his sober up potion nonetheless. "Uh, why should we not be taking this if Theo made it?" Hermione asked, eyeing her own vial suspiciously.
"Because most of the ingredients in Theo's concoctions are illegal or mind-altering in some way. Usually, they're both."
Harry just fixed him with a sceptical look. "You can categorically tell me that you never touch any of it then, can you? Auror Malfoy?"
"That's different." Draco sniffed. "You're the golden boy. You're supposed to behave yourself."
"And we all know you prefer it when I don't," Harry said as Draco sat on the bed beside him.
"And I think I prefer you talking to me when you're awake." Draco laughed as Harry's eyes closed.
"I think I'll pass on this then," Hermione said, putting her untouched vial back into the bathroom cupboard then turning to follow Draco back down to the kitchen. She walked to the sink and filled the kettle, pulled the chamomile teabags out of the cupboard, and started to fuss with cups.
Draco sat at the table with his legs stretched out, watching her in amusement. "Weren't we doing this the other way round a few hours ago?" he asked, and she smiled.
"I believe we were."
"I also seem to remember you making me a promise about tonight…. That was directly after you told me off for saying I'd read this, by the way." He threw Harry's diary onto the table and grinned as she blushed.
"Draco, I-" she poured boiling water into the cups and set them on the table. "I'm sorry. I, I didn't mean to imply that you were in the wrong."
He grinned. "Yes, you did, and I would have expected nothing less from you. I was deliberately goading you. I can still be an arse for winding people up sometimes. I'm sorry."
She stared at him as she blew on her tea to cool it. "Are you apologizing for winding me up or for being in the wrong?"
He merely smirked. "Just read the diary, Hermione." He picked up both of their cups, and led her upstairs to the lounge. "Not all of it mind, you'd be here all night, and some of it's boring as hell. Just look at the entries that are marked for now, will you please."
He added more wood to the fireplace and poked the remaining embers with his wand until orange flames crackled into life. Hermione settled herself back against the comfy sofa cushions and pulled the fleece blanket over her legs. She took the notebook and opened it to the first flagged down page. The writing of this entry was as neat as Harry's ever got. She took a deep breath and started to read.
Dear Hermione,
I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I'm worried about you right now. I'm not very good at writing. You know that. I remember you despairing of Ron and me in school, your face would get all furrowed and cute, and you'd frown until you lost your temper and stomped your foot. Always your left foot, I don't know why.
Anyway, I want to tell you so many things, but I can't find the words, so I'll put them here and hope you see them someday. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I miss you. I don't know why I've pushed you away, and I'm sorry.
I thought that if I went out partying like Ron does, it might make all of the pain go away. Maybe it did briefly. For a couple of hours, I could lose myself in a woman, but then I'd wake up, and I'd feel worse. Much worse because whoever she was, she wasn't you.
But much as I love you, and I really do, you're away in your own little world at the moment too. So we both seem to be in a pickle, and I miss you. I really do.
Love H.
Hermione blinked through clouded eyes and blew out a long breath. Draco was still fussing with the fire and seemed to be giving her space, so she turned to the next marked entry.
Dear Hermione,
There's something I need you to know. I don't really know how to say it, so here goes. I kissed a man last night. I don't know who he was, but damn he was hot. But I'm so confused because I like women too.
I really don't know what or who I am anymore. I hope one day you can come back out of the corner you've backed yourself into, and then I can talk to you properly about all of this because I don't like feeling this mixed up. I miss you. And I love you. Despite the man I met. I'm so confused right now.
Anyway, until you come back out, I'll just keep scribbling everything down in here, and maybe you'll read it all one day.
Love H.
"You see?" Draco whispered over her shoulder as he left the fire alone and started to fuss with candles instead, "he really did want you to know."
Hermione nodded and swallowed hard over the lump in her throat. "I didn't mean to back away from life. It just kind of happened." She sniffed and flicked forwards to a different marked page, but Draco placed his large hand over the book and gazed into her eyes.
"I know that. Harry knows it too. No one blames you in the slightest. It's okay, this is just Harry's side of things. Just to warn you, things take a slightly different tone here, so please don't be too shocked."
Hermione nodded and looked down at the page. This entry wasn't addressed to her. It was one of the ones with sloppy writing, and the first few lines consisted entirely of angry capitalized swearing.
They ask me what's wrong, why I'm doing it and the answer is that I DON'T BLOODY WELL KNOW WHY I'M DOING IT! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE WHEN I WAS 17 FUCKING YEARS OLD I HAD TO STAND IN FRONT OF A FUCKING MADMAN AND LET HIM KILL ME!
Do you know what that feels like? DO YOU?" I didn't think so! And why is that? OH YES, that's because the only other people who know what that FEELS LIKE ARE FUCKING DEAD! Dead, because they didn't conveniently have the Deathly freaking Hallows on them at the time.
NO ONE ELSE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS! But if I'm drunk, then I don't feel it either! So yeah, maybe that's why.
Oh, bollocks to all of you. FUCK OFF!
"Clearly, that wasn't a good night for Harry." Draco flipped the diary forwards again before Hermione had a chance to process what she had just read. "Ironically, I know exactly how it feels to walk forwards facing the Dark Lord's wand so he could have spoken to me about that. We were working together at the time after all." He flipped forwards in the book, leaving Hermione somewhat speechless. "This is the one I really want you to read though."
Dear Hermione,
"I think I've worked it out. I've never had my parents, and therefore, no one has ever really been there to lead me in the right direction. I've found my way in life myself.
Dumbledore made everything as cryptic as he possibly could. Why he felt the need to do that, I really don't know. Things were hard enough as it was. Him being straightforward about things would have helped a lot.
Everything in my life was dangerous. Everything happened to me, and I got used to that. I took the Gryffindor thing totally to heart, and I lived on the adrenaline buzz of it all. Now all that's gone and there's nothing in its place, so I'm chasing that adrenaline rush myself. Getting into a fight in a muggle nightclub is a similar sort of buzz. I probably need to stop doing it that way.
I did something idiotic last night. I went home with a guy I met, and well, let's just say it was eye-opening. But, I understand myself better because of it. The warning signs were there with this guy, and I went with him deliberately for that reason. It was an experience, one that I won't be repeating. But I understand what I'm doing now. Sometimes I need the adrenaline rush that we used to have all the time. But I need to stop doing it irresponsibly. So, I've booked a bungee jump instead.
Hermione checked the date on that entry and gasped. "I remember that night," she said, shocked to the very core. "That's the first night he didn't come home till about four in the morning. I was out of my mind with worry, I had no idea where he was or what he was getting up to!" She flipped forwards yet again as Draco lit another array of candles and waved his arm to turn out the light.
This entry wasn't addressed to her either.
Shit! Bugger! FUCK! That didn't go quite to plan. Fucking Malfoy with his bloody perfectly toned chest and arms, and his stupid arsed, perfect hair.
I fancy the bloody tosser. Why the hell can't he see that? "I like to be with men as well as women in bed, Potter. Sometimes at the same time." He says it, just like that. And I don't know if he noticed, but I nearly came in my bloody pants.
Hermione would never go for it. Never. WANKING, buggering FUUUUUUUUCK!
And what else could I do? I didn't mean to get drunk and let my predilections slip out. I didn't mean to bloody well get arrested either, did I? Ah, CRAP!
Draco just grinned, "I fancied him too, as we'll establish later, and yes, I'm well aware of the effect my words had that night. That was the first time I fished him out of the police holding cells as well, by the way."
"Wait. What?" Hermione frowned. "You've done it twice?"
Draco nodded. "I take it you thought it was only the once?" she nodded. "Okay, glossing over that one then, keep going!"
Dear Hermione.
So I'm bisexual. I've done a lot of soul searching and research on this, research that would have been so much easier if I could have just told you, Hermione because you're bloody brilliant and would have helped me... (or done it for me…wink wink)
I can't help but want to be with more than one person, though. Is this a side effect of being bisexual? No, it's not, it's just something I want, and according to Ron, it's not uncommon in the wizarding world, and it's okay. He tells me that there are plenty of witches and wizards, maybe even some muggles, too, in what I now know are poly relationships that are monogamous.
That's the part I really want. I want the three of us to be together. I want you, and I want Draco too. I want us three to be in a relationship with each other. Is this just me being difficult? I don't understand. And anyway, why does it mean I'm being difficult? Why can't I have two people? Who makes these damned rules anyway? So what if I'm different? I've always been different. I've never done a single bloody thing by the book in my life, so why change that now?
She flipped forwards to the very last, short entry.
SWEET HOLY FUCKING MERLIN, he wants me. And her. If Hermione feels that way too then, I think I'm going to die.
"And that," Draco said with some satisfaction, "was the second time I rescued him from the muggle police. That entry was written just before he went out and got plastered, and you know about the rest of that night. He's not written anything since. How are you feeling about all of this now?"
Hermione was silent for a while, sipping the last of her tea while she thought. "How long have you been interested in Harry?"
Draco snorted delicately. When Hermione turned to look at him, he rolled his eyes. "This is going to require more honesty on my part, isn't it?"
She smiled and looked at him softly in the candlelight. "I hope so."
He sighed. "I'm not used to showing my cards like this, but both you and Harry seem to have a knack for making me do so. I've liked him for a long time. And you as well before you ask. Longer than you'd think."
"How long?"
"Dammit, Granger!" He winced and rubbed his face with his hand, messing up his hair so that she itched to stroke it herself. Since we were kids, alright?"
She stared at him for a long time, unable to look away. "Sixth year?" she asked when he said nothing more, and he shook his head. "Fifth year? Fourth?"
"For you."
Hermione felt her eyes widen with surprise. "And Harry?" Draco shook his head slowly. "Third year? Second year? First year?!" She almost shrieked the last words and he hushed her.
"I met Potter for the first time in Madam Malkin's. We were eleven years old. He caught my eye and kept it ever since. I didn't even know who he was back then. That mental hair hid his scar, and I had no idea, but yeah, let's just say that he made quite an impression."
"But you were, well, you were awful to both of us, all through school. Why? Why did you do that if you liked us both?"
Draco sighed. He pulled away and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Hermione felt terrible for pressuring him and was just about to apologize when she stopped herself. She needed to know the answer to this. "I was brought up with certain beliefs, you need to understand this. I should have questioned them earlier than I did, there are no excuses for any of what I did or said to you all, but certain standards, certain behaviors were drilled into me so much that I just believed them. I was surrounded by them and I thought that was how everyone behaved. I tried to make friends with Harry before we were sorted and he snubbed me in front of everyone-"
"Because you were-"
"Being a git. I know that now, but I didn't know it at the time. So his rebuttal only served to irritate me, and my preoccupation with him turned into a crush and then a bit of an obsession, if I'm honest. Then the war happened, and the aftermath, and well, here we are."
Hermione nodded as he fell silent. "What about me?" her voice was barely a whisper. He took her empty cup, put it on the table, and turned to face her in the candlelight. It suddenly felt very intimate as he took her hand in his and drew little circles over her palm with his index finger.
"You? you came down the stairs wearing a periwinkle blue ballgown in our fourth year, and you took my heart with you on your way. You've held it ever since. Pansy slapped me around the face for watching you all evening instead of paying attention to her." He smiled fondly. "So, there I was, completely obsessed with the pair of you all through school and beyond, and I still feel that way now if I'm honest."
"And Harry's clearly liked us both for a long time?"
"Yes. You see this entry here," Draco pointed to the diary, "the comment that I made to Harry that night, about me liking both men and women was a test. I had my suspicions about him, and I wanted to know if I was right, because, well, because I wanted him. And you. I want you both too, you see. Harry wants you and me, and I want you and him. If Harry wanted us all to be together too, well, that was just perfect in my eyes, but I had to know. It was driving me crazy, and so I asked him outright. And yes, I saw his reaction. I pretty much came in my pants too when he gave me his answer."
Draco paused to bring her fingers to his lips and to press a kiss to them before resuming his stroking, "I know you've been in a bad place recently, Hermione, but can you tell me how you feel now you know everything please?"
Hermione sighed. It was the day for significant revelations all around. "I've always loved Harry. It hurt me more than I've let on when he did all of this," she gestured to the diary on Draco's lap, "I still love him, and I want to be with him, no question." She looked down at her and Draco's joined hands. It felt right to be with him like this too. Strange but right.
She had paused for a second too long though, because Draco's hand twitched in hers. "But not me?"
She looked at him sharply and saw the devastation in his eyes before he quickly steeled his expression, a move that she knew he was very accustomed to. "Please don't do that," she said quietly, "I was just thinking about my feelings for you, sometimes it takes me a moment to word things the way I want to. This is all very new for me. I haven't had years for my feelings to grow. I like you a lot, though, and I want to give this a try. You asked me to understand where you were coming from. Now I need to ask you the same favor. I want to do this Draco, I…. I like you. Really. But please, will you not hide your feelings from me? If I make you feel something, I want to know what it is. I want to see it on your face."
He looked at her for a long moment, then finally nodded. "I'll try."
"Then I'm in," she said, leaning forwards to kiss him gently on the lips."Just so you know, the more I'm getting to know you, the more I'm falling for you."
"Really?" She could see the moment his vulnerability showed, and the moment he automatically went to blank it off, then forced himself not to.
She nodded. "I don't lie, Draco. I don't say things I don't mean either. I won't hurt you. You can let yourself be vulnerable with me."
He nodded as he leaned down to kiss her. "You're mine now then, both of you. No shutting down, no hiding behind diaries, or Occlumency anymore, because we all do the same thing, don't we? All three of us are terrible at showing our feelings for fear of getting hurt. Time for a new start for all three of us. I don't plan to hurt you, or Harry either."
She smiled, looking up and seeing the dancing candlelight reflected in his soft grey eyes. His kiss was easy, and she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling all of her worries slowly draining away as she settled down, feeling totally at ease wrapped up safely in his arms.